Mother's Day.
Chapter 5: Troubled waters.
A sweet Upstead married short story, set after 9x09.
I do not own Chicago PD or any of the characters.
We all need some Upstead fluff right now, so here is the next chapter. I'm really enjoying writing this story and I'm so glad that you're enjoying it. I love every single review, because, without your reviews, this story would have just been a one-shot.
Enjoy, please let me know what you think, and here's to Jay and Hailey Halstead :)
That December, Jay and Hailey celebrated their 4th year of marriage and, before they knew it, this day was upon them again. Mother's Day. As of this day, they had now been trying for almost 2 years and, a couple of months ago, they had started to go through IVF. Hailey was 37. After trying naturally for 2 years and going through IVF, Hailey was starting to become worried about not being able to get pregnant, but Jay didn't seem to be worried. He told Hailey that if they were stressed about it, it would make it worse. Will often said that stress was a killer to attempts to conceive.
Because of what day it was, Jay was glad that he and Hailey were working; it took his mind off thinking about his mum, her illness, her death and everything else that was attached to those memories. He and Will had gone out for drinks the night before. He and Hailey had planned to go away for the weekend, to the cabin, but working was the next best thing. It kept both of them distracted, especially Jay, who still hated this day and found it so very hard. He knew that it would be better when he and Hailey had children of their own. He needed it to be. Kim and Adam had the day off, wanting to spend time with Baby Tony, so he and Hailey were left in Intelligence, with Kevin and Voight. Over the past year, Hailey and her mum had rebuilt their relationship, so Hailey was having dinner with her tonight whilst Jay went out with Will and Connor Rhodes. Mother's Day was a difficult day for Connor, too, considering that his mum had died when he was 10, therefore, it was a bond which the three men shared. Hailey was also worried about Jay, because, in the weeks leading up to this day, he had been having nightmares and not sleeping well, which was affecting his PTSD. She didn't want to be away from him tonight, but Jay insisted that she needed to go, to spend the time with her mum, and he told her that he wasn't going to be on his own. He was going to be with Will and Connor.
Hailey and Jay were on a stakeout, with Kevin and Voight as their backup in the bullpen and Platt was on the radio. So far, this stakeout had lasted for 12 hours. It was now, officially, Mother's Day and Hailey was thinking she needed to cancel her plans with her mum, because Jay was having such a hard time, but she knew that her husband wouldn't hear of it.
"If this guy gets any more cautious, I'm going to run across to one of the buildings opposite with a sniper rifle. Take a shot at his TV." Jay joked, with his dark sense of humor as he rubbed his temple and Hailey smirked. Due to his PTSD and, thus, being withdrawn from rest of Intelligence because of it, Jay didn't often show his sense of humor, but she was always happy when he did; it aligned very much with her own dry sense of humor and it made her very happy that her husband shared this, also. "Do you think we could draw him out?"
Hailey raised her eyebrows and responded, "I don't know, I think he's pretty comfortable where he was. Besides, if he knew that we were watching, this stakeout wouldn't be very useful."
Jay raised his eyebrows and replied, "That might be true, but it might also give us some action."
"You are such a child, Jay!" Hailey chuckled, before she paused her and face turned serious and Jay tilted his head towards her, sensing the change in her mood. In barley a whisper, she asked, more to herself than to her husband, "Do you think the last round of IVF worked?"
Rubbing his hands against his thighs, Jay replied, "I don't know. But, Hailes, worrying about it isn't going to do anyone any good. Will says that stress is a killer to conceiving."
Hailey only bobbed her head silently. This had been what Jay had been saying since they had started IVF and Hailey wished, mostly for her own sake, she admitted to herself, that Jay would be more concerned about it. She didn't feel good if she was the only one who was concerned about not getting pregnant. She knew that Jay wanted to have a family with her, so she wished that he would seem to care, like she did. She knew that her husband did care, that he did want to have a child with her, but, whenever they talked about it, Jay was so calm about it. All that Hailey said, in a soft voice, was, "I know." Now was not the time to have that conversation, not when they were at work. Instead, she fiddled with her wedding ring. Even though it had now been on her finger for 4 years, the feeling of it still felt amazing.
Jay sat bolt upright as there was movement from the house and the target started to walk towards the river, so Hailey started to do her big, blue coat up to cover up her police, bullet-proof vest. Jay's green eyes followed him, before he said, "OK, Hailes, you follow him on foot and I'll follow on the street. See where he takes us."
"Copy that." Hailey gave her husband a quick smile before she adjusted her high ponytail as she jumped out of the van and, very carefully, started to follow the suspect. She kept her hands in her pockets, but also kept her coat low enough so that it concealed her gun. She followed the suspect as he walked along the river, whilst Jay followed parallel, in the van. Hailey knew that the suspect was armed, so she kept her distance and she could hear Jay's voice through the ear piece.
As Jay watched her follow the suspect, he was becoming increasingly nervous, because he had a feeling that the suspect did know that they were following him. His nerves were increased, more now than ever before, because he and Hailey were going through IVF and the very thought that it had worked, that Hailey could be pregnant and still be on the streets, was terrifying. This wasn't a fear Jay had shared with his wife, not wanting to cause her any more stress than she already had, when it might not be needed, but every time that they were on the streets together, the thought was in the back of his mind. That was why he was why Jay always kept himself so calm, when they talked about IVF.
Suddenly, Jay caught a flash of something in the rear-view mirror and, into the earpiece, he said, "Hailey, fall back! Fall back now!"
In that same second, the suspect suddenly stopped and Hailey knew that she was maid, so she took out her gun and the suspect started to shoot at her, so Hailey took cover behind one of the bins. It was the closest thing she could find. She knew that Jay was on his way, he was her back-up, her partner, but, when the suspect jumped into the river, she knew that she had no choice. She took off her coat and jumped into the river after him.
"Hailey, no!" Jay shouted, but it was too late. She was already in the water, swimming after the suspect. "Dammit!" Jay cursed, before he radioed for backup. Police and the marine unit. All he could do was watch. He couldn't be in there, with Hailey. He couldn't follow her. He couldn't be her partner. He couldn't protect her. Ever since being a POW in Afghanistan, being in water was a psychological trigger which he was still, to this day, after all of these years, could not face. Jay knew that he had never explicitly told his wife that, but there was a part of him that still assumed that she knew.
Meanwhile Hailey was in pursuit of the suspect. She knew that Jay wasn't following her and she was surprised. He was her partner, but she didn't have time to think about that now. All that mattered was catching the guy, who shot at her and Jay. Hailey knew that she was going to have to have several showers after this before going out with her mum tonight.
Backup arrived, with the marine unit and the suspect was apprehended. Hailey made her way out of the water and looked around for Jay, but he wasn't there. Voight was waiting for her, where she sat down in the ambulance and Brett told her that she needed to go to the hospital, just to be safe. "Serge, where's Jay?"
Voight tilted his head slightly before he replied, "As soon as you were out of the water, he went back to the District. Needed to do some paperwork." Well, Hailey knew that that was rubbish and she shook her head. Why was Jay not there? Not only was he her partner, he was her husband. Why hadn't he followed her into the river? Hailey was annoyed and she pressed her lips together, containing her anger. She didn't care that it was a hard day for Jay, it didn't give him an excuse to be an awful partner when they were at work, on duty. She needed him to have her back, always.
At the 21st District, Platt was surprised to see Jay walk through the door and, even more surprised to see that he looked as if he was having a panic attack, until she could see that it wasn't a panic attack. It was a PTSD episode. Without a second's thought, Platt left her desk and pulled him into the office. Jay was trying to control his breathing, but it was hard. It felt as if he breathing in ice water, like he had done as a POW. "Jay, I'm here, OK? And you and I are going to stay in this room, until you're feeling better. No arguments." Trudy had never seen Jay like this. This PTSD episode was clearly a very bad one and she knew that she needed to bring him back to the world he was in now. "Breathe in and out. In and out. Copy me, Halstead."
Sitting on the edge of the table, Jay closed his eyes and breathed in and out. In and out. Just like his therapist had told him to do. Just like he and Hailey did any time he woke up from a nightmare. Sometimes, they were nightmares, but sometimes, they weren't. He knew that this wasn't.
It took time, but after a while, Jay was back in the present, back in Chicago. He was no longer in the POW camp in Afghanistan. He was back and, more than anything, he wanted Hailey. He knew that he needed to explain what happened to his wife. Platt didn't ask any questions, but she had a pretty good idea, then she received a text from Hailey.
It said: About to leave Med. Do you know where my partner is? Platt
could tell from the tone of Hailey's text that the young detective was angry, so she just replied: He's on his way home now. She wanted to say more, she really did, but she felt as if she couldn't. It was Jay's story to tell.
As soon as Hailey arrived home, she slammed the door and stormed into the living room, where she knew Jay was. Her partner, her husband. The same man who hadn't followed her into the river, who had then left the scene without telling her. She found him, standing in the middle of the room, with his hands on his hips, as if he had been waiting for her. It was how he stood when he was nervous or anxious about something.
Hailey threw her arms up and cried, "Jay, what the Hell happened out there? I thought you were my partner, but you didn't follow me into the river and, worse than that, you just left the scene! What if he had shot at me when I was in the river, or if I couldn't apprehend him by myself? What would you have done, just stood there and watched? Some partner you are!" Hailey's bright, blue eyes were glowing with anger.
Jay never shouted at her. He raised his voice, but he never shouted. He chuckled softly, in a sarcastic way, before he asked, "Hailey, are you seriously mad at me right now? I'm not the one who jumped into the river! You didn't have to do that, Hailey!"
Hailey stared at him as if he were mad, before she responded, in the same tone of voice as before, "It's my job, Jay, and, by the way, it's yours too and you're my partner! Partners are supposed to follow each other, no matter what and not leave the scene without saying anything!"
Slowly, Jay shook his head and snapped, "I didn't leave until I saw that you were out and safe!"
"That's not the point- Why didn't you follow me?" Hailey looked her husband up and down, before she continued, in the same tone, "Jay, I've seen you run towards gunfire, I've seen you run towards bombs and you're always the first one of us through the door. You're the bravest man I know, so why are you such a coward when it comes to water?" As soon as that word left her mouth, Hailey regretted it. She could see the look in her husband's eyes. For Jay, a former soldier, a war hero, he hated that word.
In barely a whisper, Jay walked over to her and said, looking into her blue eyes, "I am not a coward, Hailey. I was terrified when I was standing there, watching you, but I- I couldn't follow you. When I was captured in Afghanistan, as a POW, that was one of the ways they tortured me. With water. Waterboarding" Jay's green eyes shone with tears before he swallowed against the lump in his throat, "Hailey, the reason why I don't say much when you talk about IVF is because I'm terrified of the thought of you being pregnant and being in the field. If something happened to you or our baby. That's why."
There was a dead silence between the two of them, before Hailey looked into Jay's eyes and took hold of one of his hands and told him, in a gentle voice, "Jay, I'm so sorry, I- I didn't know. I didn't know that's why you can't deal with water, or why you're more stressed on the streets with me." She paused, before she whispered, fighting back her own tears, "Jay, I know you're not a coward, I've known that from the first day I met you."
Jay shuffled on his feet, before he told her, "I watched you jump in and I was so scared… I left the scene and I- I was having an episode. I was back there. In Afghanistan. In the POW camp. Platt helped me. All I wanted to do was be here, with you. Be home, with you." Without saying another word, they fell into a tight and long hug and they moved over to the sofa, where they cuddled, just wanting to hold each other. All they needed, right now, was each other, to hold each other.
That evening, Hailey dressed up to go out with her mum. It was, after all, Mother's Day, and Jay went out with Will and Connor. Will could tell that his brother had suffered from an episode earlier that day, but he knew not to push the issue. This was already a difficult day for them.
Hailey and her mum were enjoying their dinner when Hailey heard the phone ringing and, seeing that it was from the hospital, she knew that she had to answer it. "Mrs. Halstead, it's Dr. Benning. I know it's late, but you really need to come in to discuss your results."
Hailey felt as if she was going to be sick; when she had been at Med earlier, the doctor had done tests, just to be safe. What was wrong now? She called Jay and picked him up on the way to the hospital. Whatever this way, they would face it, together.
Hailey sat down in the room, but Jay was too nervous, so he paced until Hailey reached her hand out to him and Jay walked over, accepted her hand and kissed the top of her head as he murmured, "It's gonna be OK. You and me can get through anything."
The doctor walked into the room and sat down opposite Hailey before she began, "Mrs. Halstead, I've read your chart and I understand that you've been going through IVF."
Nodding, Hailey replied, "Yes, we started a couple of months ago, after trying naturally for almost 2 years." Hailey swallowed against the lump in her throat. Jay didn't take his eyes off the doctor.
"Well, then, congratulations, Mr and Mrs. Halstead. Mrs. Halstead, you're pregnant, about 4 weeks along."
With a grin of his face, Jay asked, "Are you serious?"
Dr. Benning nodded and replied, with a smile, "Yes, Mr. Halstead. We can get you set up from an ultrasound now, if you'd like?"
As soon as Dr. Benning left the room, Hailey turned to face Jay and her lips found his in a passionate kiss. When their kiss ended, Jay looked into Hailey's eyes and wiped away her tears as Hailey whispered, "Jay, we're having a baby! Our baby!"
Grinning from ear to ear, Jay nodded, "Yes, we are. Our baby. Baby Halstead!" He kissed her on the temple before he added, "This is the best news we've ever had on this day."
Later that evening, as Mother's Day was drawing to an end, Jay and Hailey returned home, with a picture of their baby. The ultrasound. For hours, they lay in bed, just staring at the picture of their baby. They were going to have a baby and Jay and Hailey knew that they would always remember that they found out on this day. This was their best Mother's Day together and they knew that they were in for much better years, with a child of their own. This day would be better than it ever had been, for their child and for Hailey. That was Jay's promise. It would be a special day, forever.