Mother's Day.
Chapter 7: Golden.
A sweet Upstead married short story, set after 9x09.
I do not own Chicago PD or any of the charecters.
Next chapter. Fluffy, Upstead story. After this, there's only one chapter left. I've loved writing this short story. I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter, because I loved writing this one. I love writing Jay and Hailey as parents. For me, Upstead are endgame, no matter what happens :)
That December, Hailey and Jay celebrated their 6th year of marriage. It was unlike any of their previous anniversaries, because now, they had a daughter. Grace Catherine Halstead. Since the birth of their daughter, their lives had changed, for the better. Jay and Hailey could hardly believe that this day, Mother's Day, was here already. It was Hailey's first Mother's Day with Grace and also their daughter's first birthday. Jay and Hailey could not believe that their baby girl, their rainbow baby, was going to be one today. On their first Mother's Day as a married couple, Hailey had imagined their baby daughter waking them up on this day and that day was finally there. Their dream, their daughter, was going to be a whole year old.
Last year, not long after returning from Maternity Leave after Grace's birth, Hailey had made the very painful and hard decision to leave Intelligence. It was not a decision she had made lightly, and it was one which she and Jay had discussed for many weeks, but Hailey knew that it was right, for her and for their daughter. Jay missed Hailey being his partner, but he supported her, no matter what. Hailey's realization hadn't been sudden, but gradual, and Jay had noticed the change in his wife and partner since Grace's birth. She hadn't wanted to be on the streets, anymore. As painful decision of a as it had been, it was for the best. Hailey had moved to be an instructor at the academy and Jay was doing his Sergeant's exams, waiting for Voight to retire and give the lead of Intelligence to him. The time was right for everyone, and, over the past year, Hailey had seen her husband become even more a leader than he already was. No-one else in Intelligence knew that Voight was going to leave and that was how Jay wanted it to be.
Since becoming a mum herself, Hailey's bond with her own mum had grown massively and this also meant that Grace was able to have a close bond with her grandmother, the only surviving grandparent she had. Of course, Platt was a surrogate grandmother to Grace, loving the child as much as a grandmother can love a granddaughter, a fact which both Hailey and Jay loved. It if hadn't been for Platt, Hailey wouldn't have become a police officer and she and Jay wouldn't have met. They wouldn't have their daughter. Their Grace.
As always, this time of year was hard for Jay, bringing on nightmares, but Hailey was there for him, every step of the way. Since becoming a dad, Jay had committed himself to therapy three times a week. He wanted to be the best father he could be, the best husband. Hailey knew that he loved their baby girl, Grace, more than anything in the world. Jay and Will had gone out the night before, to remember their mum and Will was spending the day with Natalie and Owen.
Considering that Mother's Day was Grace's birthday too, Jay and Hailey had ordered some pink, unicorn balloons for their house for her birthday. She didn't need a party, she was only 1, but they had had their friends and family round the day before for a cake. This day, today, was for the three of them and Hailey couldn't believe that this was the first Mother's Day she was going to spend as Grace's mum and both she and Jay had the day off work, so that they could spend time together as a family. The three of them. Jay and Hailey had spent time setting out to pink, unicorn balloons for her birthday.
Hailey had no plans about how she wanted to spend this day, besides just being with her baby girl and her husband, but she knew that it was a day for the three of them. Grace's first birthday and her first Mother's Day as Grace's mum. Grace Catherine Halstead had made her a mum.
As usual on this day, Jay was the first to wake up. He slipped out of their bed so that he didn't wake up Hailey and recovered himself from the nightmare he had woken up from. They would always be there. His PSTD would always be there and that was something he just needed to accept. He could be a good dad with PTSD, just like he was a good husband.
Grace still slept in a cot beside their bed, but she had her own room for where she had her naps and Hailey's plan was, now that she was one, Grace would start to sleep in her own room. It was what she needed and Hailey always smiled, thinking that it would give her and Jay some space. They loved their daughter more than anything in the world and they still found time for each other. Due to his insomnia, Jay was very active with feeding Grace and had been since they brought her home, besides the times when their baby girl had just wanted to drink from her mum's breast and Jay had been powerless to help there. Hailey thought this was quite amusing, a story she had shared with Kim.
Quietly, Jay picked Grace out of her cot and carried her downstairs, where he changed her into a baby grow which said, 'I made you a Mummy. Happy 1st Mummy Day.' Jay ordered it weeks ago and had sent it to Kim and Adam's, not wanting his wife to find it. Even though Hailey was no longer a detective, it would always be in her blood. Jay held his baby girl in her arms and asked, "How are you one already, Grace? Where has this year gone?" He looked into his daughter's blue eyes. Hailey's blue eyes. After the struggle of going through IVF for 2 years, then the devastation of Hailey's miscarriage, sometimes Jay could hardly believe that they had made it. They had their baby, and she was the most precious thing in their whole world. Grace had been brought into this world by Jay and Hailey's love.
Hailey had told Jay about her dream of being woken up on Mother's Day by their baby girl, a dream she had had on their first Mother's Day as a married couple and Jay wanted to make that dream come true.
As Jay carried Grace into their bedroom, he smiled at Hailey as she slept. His wife looked beautiful. Her blonde curls were resting against the pillow and all that Jay wanted to do was dive into their bed and cuddle her and their baby girl.
Holding Grace in his arms, Jay slipped himself into their bed and placed Grace next to Hailey, where the baby reached out for her mum and Jay kissed the top of her head. This was such a precious moment. They had promised each other that, once they had a child of their own, this day would be different. Better.
Hailey opened her eyes, still half-asleep and saw eyes which looked like her own looking back at her and her baby girl smiling at her. Hailey opened her arms and her baby girl fell into them, giggling, and Hailey kissed her tiny head as she murmured, "Grace! Happy 1st birthday!" Her blue eyes found the green eyes of her husband, before she said, "Good morning, to you too, Sergeant Halstead."
Jay chuckled and tilted his head. "Not quite yet." He paused, then moved closer to his wife and whispered, "Come here, Hailes." Their lips met in a passionate kiss and Jay pulled Hailey as close as he could and they ended their kiss, putting their heads together. If Grace hadn't been in their bed, they both knew where that would have ended. Jay kissed Grace's head and asked, "Hailes, have you seen her baby grow?"
"Of course I did, I wasn't a detective for years for nothing, you know!" She sat up and pulled Grace onto her lap, holding her close. Jay couldn't look away from her and Grace and he could feel tears creeping into the edges of his eyes. Softly, Hailey asked, "Jay, what's wrong?"
Jay cleared his throat and replied, "Nothing's wrong, Hailes. This is perfect. You, me and Grace. The perfect picture. I-I just- I can't believe she's one already. And, after everything we went through, she's our miracle."
Hailey smiled softly, then passed Grace to Jay, knowing that he needed to hold their daughter and she put her hair behind her ears, before she said, "Ok, today, we're going to go to the park, where you used to go with your mum and Will, and we can take a birthday picnic there, so we bring two traditions together. It's Grace's birthday and Mother's Day, so it needs to be really special."
For the first time since she had passed Grace to Jay, he looked up at her and simply said, "Hailey, it already is." Never wanting to miss an opportunity to kiss Hailey, Jay moved closer and kissed her softly on the lips, before he whispered, "I love you, Hailey." His spare hand found her wedding ring and he fiddle with it.
Even though they had been together for 7 years and married for 6, every time Hailey heard those words, they felt magical. Hailey rested her head against Jay's and whispered, "I love you, too, Jay Halstead, and Grace's baby grow isn't totally true. Grace Catherine might have been the one to make me a mum, but that wouldn't have happened without you." Hailey chuckled, before she added, "I think we're done making babies, though. One's enough."
Jay raised his eyebrows and remarked, "We still need to practice though."
As if she knew what her parents were talking about, Grace suddenly started fussing and reaching out to both of her parents and Hailey and Jay laughed, loving that the life which they had brought into this world already had a stubborn streak.
An hour later, Jay, Hailey and Grace arrived in the park and Grace was very happy to be in a papoose, carried by Jay. Hailey smiled at the sight. Her husband, a police officer and a former Ranger, was wearing a papoose to carry their daughter around in and she had never seen him look so happy.
They settled down under a tree and Hailey set down a rug for their baby girl. She glanced at her husband, but he was still standing where he was, totally oblivious of the fact that Grace was fussing to get down. He had a faraway look in his eyes.
Slowly, Hailey stood up and put her hands around Grace, ready to pick her up, but Jay jumped, and Grace started to cry. The sound of his baby's cry brought him back to the present and Jay found Hailey's bright, blue eyes looking at him. Gently, Hailey said, "Jay, I'm going to pick her up now and put her on the rug, OK?" Jay gave her a small nod, as he took in deep breaths, trying to ground himself in the moment. He was in the park, with his wife and baby daughter. He was safe. Hailey and Grace were safe. Hailey placed Grace down onto the rug and placed things around her so that she couldn't crawl away and sat down, holding one of Grace's hands as she crawled around. Hailey didn't take her eyes off Jay, but she knew that she needed to give him time. She was his grounding force, but she knew that her husband still needed to place his mind back into the present. The trauma, the torture, the guilt all came together in his PTSD. Hailey still thought that her husband was the best husband and father in the world and she knew that Jay knew that, too. She saw the way Grace looked at Jay. It was the most loving look she had ever seen. Hailey wished that she had been able to look at her own father like that.
Jay fixed his eyes on Hailey and Grace. His wife and daughter. His wife and baby girl. Slowly, he sat down and rested his arms against the legs, placing his hands together, but his green eyes still didn't leave the scene before him. His wife and daughter. Hailey could see how Jay's green eyes were trying to ground himself by watching her and their daughter. She tilted her head and just waited for her husband to be ready to talk. Jay found his wedding ring and put one of his fingers around it, as if he wanted it to ground him. "I was back there. In Afghanistan. In-in the water." Jay looked down at his hands, before he added, "Hailey, I don't know what triggered it. It was- I guess this time of year brings it all back. With my medical discharge, my mum's death." Jay shook his head quickly, then forced a smile and placed his hands on either side of Hailey's face as he told her, "I'm here, with you and Grace, Hailey. That's what matters."
Hailey wanted to agree with Jay, she wanted to enjoy this day, their daughter's first birthday, but she knew that they couldn't ignore this. Jay's PTSD was a part of who he was and, as his wife, as his partner, she needed to be the one to support Jay. She had always been that person for him. Smiling softly, Hailey told him, "Jay, that is what's important today, but can you make an appointment tomorrow, maybe just talk to your therapist about where you were in your flashback?"
"It wasn't a PTSD episode, Hailey. I didn't totally disassociate or get lost in the flashback." Jay started to argue.
Bobbing her head, Hailey hummed, "Yes, you're right, it wasn't, but it was a flashback, it could see how your eyes were faraway."
Jay hadn't moved his hands from Hailey's face and his green eyes landed on Grace, who was crawling around, making very happy noises. He nodded slowly and just replied, "You're right, Hailey. You always are. You're the best partner ever."
"What else are partners for?" Hailey tilted her head and smiled at her husband, glad that Jay had agreed to it so easily.
Jay scooped Grace into his arms, kissed the top of her head, then passed her to Hailey, who cradled her in her arms, before he said, "But, Hailes, this is where we are right now. You, me and Grace. This time last year, Grace Catherine wasn't born."
Hailey raised her eyes and replied, "Yeah, I think I know that, considering I was the one who gave birth to her, which is why we're not having another one." Both of their eyes focused on their baby girl and there was nothing more to say for now. All that mattered, right now, was their baby girl. It was her first birthday and Hailey's first Mother's Day. Grace wouldn't remember this day, but Jay and Hailey would.
The family of three spent almost the entire day in the park and, when Hailey finally decided that it was time for them to go home, Jay changed Grace while Hailey prepared her cake. Her unicorn cake. Her first birthday cake. Jay brought Grace back into the kitchen and lit the candle. A single candle. Next to the light of the candle, Grace's bright, blue eyes shone and so did Hailey's and Jay kissed Hailey lovingly on the forehead. Together, they held Grace between them, in their arms, as Hailey kissed their daughter's head and whispered, "Make a wish, baby girl."
Looking into his wife's eyes, Jay murmured, "I already have my wish." He smiled and hugged Grace before he told her, "Happy first birthday, Grace Catherine Halstead."
Shaking her head slowly, Hailey sighed and asked, more to herself than to Jay, "How is she one already, where has this year gone, Jay? This time next year, she'll be 2. We'll officially have a toddler."
Jay shrugged and chuckled as he replied, "And, that's what you have a partner for, Hailey Halstead."
A sudden wave of nausea hit Hailey. She had been experiencing it for a couple of weeks and she ran to the sink, only just making it. Jay placed Grace into her highchair safely, before he walked over to his wife and held her hair back as she emptied her stomach's contents. Hailey closed her eyes and surrendered to the sickness. When Hailey had finally emptied her stomach's contents, Jay helped her to the sofa, where she sat, with her head between her legs as Jay rubbed her back. Hailey could feel Jay's worried eyes on her. She wasn't worried. It just annoyed her, but the situation was the mirror image of their roles in the park. Jay pressed his lips together and told Hailey, in a worried, but firm tone of voice, "Hailey, we should take you to the hospital."
Keeping her head down, Hailey shook her head and replied, "Jay, I really don't need to, it's only a little bit of sickness. Besides, it's Grace's birthday."
"Hailey." Jay spoke her name in such a way that Hailey looked up and she could see the worry in his green eyes. "Hailes, you're my wife, not just Grace's mum. We're going. No arguments." Hailey nodded her head in resignation. She knew that, if the roles were reversed, she would insist that Jay went to the hospital, too.
An hour later, Hailey, Jay and their sleeping baby girl were waiting for the test results of Hailey's blood work and Jay was pacing. He knew that he should be calm, for Hailey, for Grace, but, even after all of these years, he still hated hospitals. Finally, the Dr walked in and all she said was, "Mrs. Halstead, Mr. Halstead, congratulations!"
Hailey tilted her head, frowning, and Jay's eyebrows raised in confusion, before Hailey asked, "Sorry, doctor, what are you talking about?"
The Dr smiled, before she replied, "Mrs. Halstead, you're pregnant." She paused, then added, "I'm guessing from your shocked faces- you weren't trying to conceive?"
Shaking her head, Hailey hummed and replied, "No, we weren't. How far along am I?"
"About 6 weeks."
6 weeks. Just over a month. Hailey suddenly realized that she had missed her period, but she hadn't thought anything of it, with having a baby who was almost one and a busy job. She hadn't really thought about it, assuming that it had been stress and exhaustion.
Jay walked over to Hailey and took hold one of her hands, before he asked the Dr, "How's the baby?"
"As far as I can see, Mr. Halstead, perfectly healthy." She turned her attention to Hailey as she asked, carefully, "I'm guessing this is a bit of a shock, Mrs. Halstead?"
Hailey shrugged and, in a matter-of-fact tone of voice, simply stated, "I'm 39, Dr. I-we didn't think that it was likely to happen, so, to be honest, we weren't that careful." Her mind drifted back to the last time she and Jay had made love. 6 weeks ago. Hailey glanced at her husband, who blushed. She knew that he was thinking about the same thing she was. Hailey had never been on any hormonal contraceptives because she had reacted badly to them when she had been younger, so they had always relied on condoms, but, considering Hailey's age and fertility problems of the past, their use had become minimal, in fact, nonexistent more recently. 6 weeks ago, it had all happened so quickly, and it had been the furthest thing from either of their minds. Hailey was 39, so they knew that her chances of conceiving were quite low. Not impossible, clearly, because she was pregnant. Pregnant. Grace was a year old and she was going to have a brother or sister. Jay and Hailey were going to have another baby. After the years of IVF and the heartbreak of Hailey's miscarriage, another baby.
On the drive home, Hailey said nothing, and Jay knew his wife's different silences. He knew that, when his wife needed silence, he should let her be and, in the car, he knew that his own guilt was threatening to boil over, so silence was probably for the best.
Hailey put Grace down to sleep in her cot in their room, where Jay was sitting on their bed, waiting. His fingers were gripping the side of the bed. It was something he did when he was stressed or nervous. "Hailey, I'm sorry."
What? Hailey frowned and asked, "Jay, why are you saying sorry?" She paused, midway through changing into her PJs and quickly pulled a top over her head, before she walked over to her husband.
Jay ran his hands across his thighs and shook his head slowly as he released a sigh. He took hold of Hailey's hands and replied, "Because it's my fault. It should've known better. I should've put one on. I've never seen you so still or shocked." Jay tilted his head to the side as he added, "Hailey, I know you're unhappy and I know you blame me. I'm sorry."
Quickly, Hailey sat herself on the bed, pulling her legs up to sit under the bottom and she sat facing Jay, holding his hands. She could see the worry and the guilt in his green eyes and she hated it. She hated to see that look in her husband's eyes. She squeezed her hands with her own, and ran her hands against his knuckles. They were white from gripping the bed so hard. "Jay, look at me," Hailey told her husband and Jay's green eyes lifted to meet her own bright, blue ones, "Jay, you don't need to say sorry, because I don't blame you, it was both of our responsibilities. It was so passionate and tender and-neither of us thought that this was going to happen."
Jay pressed his lips together and asked, carefully, "So, you're happy about this?"
"Jay, this is the happiest I've ever been, besides when we found out that I was pregnant with Grace. After the IVF and my miscarriage, we're having another baby. Our love created another baby, Jay, a brother or sister for Grace." Hailey blinked back her tears as she added, "A baby who's going to have the best Daddy in the world."
Resting his head against hers, Jay whispered, "So, this baby is a miracle. Another miracle." Carefully, he placed his hand against Hailey's stomach and, added, slightly sadly, "Another one we found out about on Mother's Day." Hailey's miscarriage would always be a tiny bit of sadness the two of them would carry. The child they could have had, but if they had had that baby, they both knew that they wouldn't have their Grace.
Hailey's lips found Jay's and she kissed him softly, before she asked, "Do you know what a golden baby is? It's a baby born after a rainbow baby? Grace was our rainbow baby, and this, this baby," she held Jay's hand as it rested against her stomach, "will be our golden baby."
The tears in Hailey's eyes were reflected in Jay's own green eyes, who asked, with a smirk, "You realize this means, God willing, that this time next year, we'll have a 2-year-old and a baby?"
"Oh, yes, I do, Jay Halstead."
Jay looked up and down his wife's face as he took in every aspect of her, because he pulled her into a hug and whispered, "Happy 1st Mother's Day, Hailey Halstead. You, me, Grace and the baby."
Hailey kissed Jay's hair as she whispered back, "Always, Jay Halstead."
What a day it had been: Grace Catherine Halstead's first birthday and Hailey's first Mother's Day and, as the day was coming to a close now, Jay and Hailey held each other, thinking of their next miracle. Their golden baby.