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Chapter 17:

KATARA

When Aang died, I didn't think it would be possible for life to go on. I couldn't picture a world without him in it. I couldn't imagine a life without him. My brain refused to indulge or even humor any kind of future that did not include him. How could I? Aang had become everything to me.

I remember when it felt like I wouldn't be able to make it another minute without him. Now I've made it three whole years.

I'm not sure how I've done it. It wasn't without difficulty, but staying on the move has helped. The White Lotus keeps all of us busy. There is always something to do or somewhere to be. If I'm not assisting with the relocation of the Potentials, I'm in the Earth Kingdom healing Fire Scourge and helping to rebuild. And if I'm not in the Earth Kingdom, I'm in the tribes training other waterbenders and shipping them off to help us heal the Earth Kingdom.

My most recent excursion was yet another marathon up through Earth Kingdom to the North Pole and then back through the Earth Kingdom again before returning to the South Pole.

Given how much we've traveled over the past three years, all of us should be named honorary members of the Air Nation. We've mastered the ways of the transient. We might as well be nomads, but I can never stay away from the Southern Water Tribe for long. Home is still home and it will always call out to me.

Sokka and I are once again home for the winter. For some reason, we both tend to gravitate back here this time of year and spend the season with our family.

We fish together just like we used to, just like when we found Aang. There are hunting trips. I still sometimes wash his dirty socks and sew up the rips in his pants even though he is capable of doing so himself now. We revert to our childhood selves here no matter how much time passes. It is oddly comforting and familiar, a memento of before.

There, of course, is more responsibility for us now whenever we return home. We now have to occasionally attend council meetings. I don't necessarily mind them. Some are worse than others, but a lot of the council members are from the northern tribe (despite how it is still the southern council), and their stricter rules and traditional roles will always sit like acid in my mouth.

"A long time ago, our ancestors held The New Moon Celebration together. The festival was a commemoration, a time when the Northern and Southern Water Tribes could unite," Pakku explains to the council as if hearing my snarky thoughts about the northerners. "I propose we bring back this tradition at the next new moon. If for no other reason than to have something to look forward to."

This is code for: We need to keep relations between us strong and do a better job of communicating plans so that we can continue to fight the Phoenix King. Of course, Pakku can't say this outright. Everything we do has to be in secret. We can't risk another siege or retaliation. We can't take another blow.

"Do you think it's safe?" Dad asks, his voice traveling through everyone sitting around the large table with ease, bouncing off the hard walls of the shiny council room. He has been reduced to little more than a watchdog since his return thanks to all the sanctions, but he still has the strong, authoritative presence of a great leader.

Pakku shrugs. "Is anything really safe anymore?"

To my right, Sokka leans forward, rests his elbows on the table, and brings his folded hands to his chin. "The Fire Nation wants to keep us separated and weak. Any display of unity could be seen as a threat if they find out about it, but at the same time, I think we would all benefit from it. We need each other now more than ever."

"So do we risk it?" one of the elders asks.

"Why not?" I counter. "Even if they did somehow find out about it, they'd have no way of knowing what the festival is. They know nothing about our culture."

"The Fire Prince proved that," Tarrak, the tribesman from up north who served as interim chief in Dad's absence, muses with a chuckle, earning him a few spurts of laughter from some of the other council members. "The boy didn't know a penguin fish from a dolphin piranha."

I try not to react to the mention of Zuko, but his name is like a prick to the heart every time I hear it.

"Shall we put it to a vote, then?" Dad scans everyone at the table.

There is a murmur of agreement, a few subtle nods of the head.

"All in favor of holding The New Moon Celebration next month?" he prompts.

Everyone except for a man from up north who looks a lot like an otter penguin raises their hand.

"Then it's settled." Dad gently bangs his cup on the table to seal the vote.

"Holding a meeting without us, Tarrak?"

A Fire Nation commander (or maybe a naval officer) saunters into the room. Tarrak subtly and efficiently sneaks the makeshift gavel away from Dad. Dad is technically chief again but because of his past and technical 'war prisoner' status, Tarrak has stayed on as a sort of decoy and figurehead.

The commander is your typical middle-aged Fire Nation man. His angular beard and top knot are sprinkled with salt and pepper. His eyes remind me a bit of Yon Rah's but not quite as void of real human emotion.

"That's just rude," he tsk-tsks as he shakes his head in mock disapproval.

"Apologies." Tarrak smiles coolly. "We weren't expecting you, Commander Shoh. Otherwise, you would have been the first to be invited, I assure you."

Shoh scoffs. "I didn't come here to get my ass kissed."

"Then how may we help you?" Tarrak's smile falls.

"Two things." He holds up two spindly fingers. "One: I need the goods you promised. Two: I need a healer." His hard eyes dart to me, sniffing me out immediately like a shirshu. "Are you a healer, girl?"

"Yes," I reply curtly, bristling at the way he spat girl.

"Then get up. You're coming with me. Time for you peasants to finally make good on that damn healing hut we let you put up."

I give Tarrak and Dad a quick glance before I rise to my feet and meet Shoh at the entrance of the council room. I hear footfalls not far behind me. I can only assume they are Dad's or Sokka's. Maybe both.

"One of my crewmen is sick," Shoh barks as he darts toward the healing hut, his shoulders high as he fights the wind and the light flurry of snow falling around us. "The quack on our ship couldn't do anything for him. I'd let him die, but we are a little short on troops at the moment, so I can't afford that." He casts me a quick glance over his shoulder. "So what they say about waterbenders and healing better be true."

I can't say anything nice, so I don't say anything at all. I just stare back at him blankly.

The South Pole has maintained its delicate peace with the Fire Nation over the years. They still come demanding goods and resources, and representatives and men like Shoh still make an appearance from time to time to make sure we aren't causing problems, but they never stay long. Whether this is because of the cold of our environment or because of sheer disinterest (or some combination of both), we don't know. Whatever the reason, we are grateful for small favors, and it is better to bite your tongue in situations like these.

Even though I really want to tell Shoh off...

Inside the healing hut, I see that the Fire Nation troops have already busted in like they own the place. They are the only ones here, having likely scared off any of the other healers (some of which I've trained myself). I don't blame them. I would have vacated once I saw them coming too.

They've placed the sick crewman on one of the cots inside. I am not even that close yet and I can already tell the man is in bad shape.

I wave away the other troops and sit on the cot next to him. As I call the water to my hands and begin working, I realize he is not much older than me. He isn't unattractive. His complexion reminds me a bit of Zuko's, which again causes that now painfully familiar prick in my chest.

"Is it Fire Scourge?" one of the other firebenders asks.

"No," I reply lowly as I continue to guide my water-coated hands up and down the length of him. "I think firebenders are immune."

Unfortunately, I add privately.

Upon further inspection, I find a nasty wound on his arm near his bicep. He probably cut himself while working on the rusty ship. He has a nasty infection and spirits know what kind of horrible bacteria swimming around in his system.

"The infection is bad," I say to Shoh, "but I think I can treat the worst of it without him losing his arm. He will still need to take it easy, though."

Shoh grunts. "How long?"

I shrug. "A few days? I'll do what I can, but the rest is up to him."

Having responded to my ministrations, the crewman is suddenly awake and alert. One of his hands catches my exposed wrist and squeezes it. He is so warm - firebender warm. I gasp at the sensation of it, shocked at the memories that accompany it. He doesn't feel like Zuko, but there is enough similarity that so many things rush over me. It sharpens the edge of the memories that have dulled over time, and my heart breaks all over again.

I go back in time. I relive the moment Zuko left almost three years ago. I return to the weeks and months that followed when we continued to travel the Earth Kingdom, and I felt so bad that Sokka thought I was getting sick. I wondered if I'd finally contracted Fire Scourge. I felt downright feverish. I was flushed, flustered, and frustrated.

I barely slept. I didn't want to eat. I was restless. There was this awful tension in my chest. My heart felt abnormally swollen. I felt like I was constantly on the verge of tears. The word: lovesick floated into my mind. At the time, I pushed it away, but now I know that's exactly what I was - lovesick.

"Thank you," the crewman rasps, bringing me back to the present.

I suck in a slow breath before gradually releasing it. "You're welcome."

The sun is setting by the time I finally leave the healing hut. The sky is a swirling clove of pinks and blues as I look up at it and try to get a grip.

That damn heat is still sizzling under my skin. It could just be in my head, but I run water along my wrist again and again anyway, trying to wash it away, to cleanse myself.

"Katara!"

I follow the small voice and see Korri waddling through the fresh snow toward me, Yanna desperately chasing after her.

Sometimes, even though I have watched her grow, I still struggle to recognize her. In my mind, she will always be the tiny baby Zuko and I ran off with. Not this wobbly toddler that can form garbled sentences and has dark hair full of beaded braids that curls under her round chin.

"Where've you been?" she asks as she stumbles into my knees. "I've been lookin' for you all day."

Before I can answer her, Shoh exits the healing hut and looks right at us, his vacant eyes narrowing.

I swallow hard and wish that I could somehow absorb Korri to completely remove her from sight. I give Yanna as subtle of a gesture as I can to stay back, but I'm not sure if she understood or even saw.

Shoh's head tilts to the side. "This one yours?"

"Yes," I lie as I move to lift Korri into my arms.

He grabs her first. Quick as a spider-rat, he hauls Korri up by her wrist, causing her to whimper and whine. "How old are you?"

Shoh's eyes somehow manage to narrow further. He is likely noticing what everyone else notices - that she is ethnically ambiguous. Her eyes stayed a beautiful cyan, and her hair is barely darker than mine, but her skin is just light enough to make people wonder if there is Fire Nation in her blood.

"She's four," I lie again.

He glares at me. "I didn't ask you." He lifts Korri higher by her tiny wrist. "How old are you?" he repeats.

Korri's eyes dart to mine, and I silently beg her to read my mind.

Four! Tell him you're four!

"Four," she bleats, tears welling up in her eyes.

"What's your name?" Shoh continues to dangle Korri over the ground like a freshly slaughtered arctic hen.

My heart pounds so violently my ribs might crack. We've trained Korri as best we can to lie in these kinds of situations, but she's only three. She understands more than we realize, but up until now, these situations we've trained her for have only been hypothetical, never real.

"Momo," she answers and although it isn't the name we gave her to say, it still works. The main thing is that she didn't tell him the truth. One of our strategies to keep the Potentials safe is to spread as much misinformation as possible. It may not help, but we figure it doesn't hurt.

He drops her with a huff, losing interest as quickly as he gained it.

Korri immediately begins to cry as I haul her into my arms.

"Are they takin' me away? They taking me away?!" she wails into my neck. Her entire little body shakes.

"No one is taking you away. I promise. I promise…" I chant it like a mantra as I rock her back and forth.

The next thing I know Sokka is next to me and Korri is reaching for Yanna.

"What happened?" Sokka grabs my shoulders protectively, gently pulling me to him.

"I don't really know… He just came up and started asking Korri how old she was," I answer as I pass Korri back to Yanna.

"What did you say?" Yanna cradles Korri to her. Korri is still shaking as she holds her mother's neck tightly. I don't see how Yanna's breathing.

"We lied."

"And he just left?" Sokka's brow wrinkles together in disbelief.

"I guess he decided it didn't matter or wanted to show some mercy since I saved one of his men." I shake my head.

Sokka straightens and looks back at the black ship Fire Nation troops are currently loading with our goods. "He didn't really strike me as the mercy type."

No, he didn't, but I can't help but think that's exactly what happened. I can't shake the feeling that if I hadn't said Korri was mine or if I hadn't saved his crewman, this all would have played out very differently.

"He's gone for now," Yanna says calmly as she strokes the back of Korri's head. "That's all that matters."

She's not wrong, but I know there will always be another threat, another risk even if we did somehow manage to dodge this one. Your luck can run out at any point. Aang was proof of that, and Korri is only three. I try not to think about how we have a whole lifetime of threats ahead of us.

That night, Gran Gran makes all of us dinner. She cooks the cod flounder Sokka and I caught this morning and boils some sea prunes. Once everything is finished, I fill all of them in on what happened after I left the council meeting and Shoh's encounter with Korri.

"It's time for her to spend some time at the North Pole anyway," Pakku states as he spoons some sea prunes into his mouth.

"I was planning on going to Kyoshi to see Suki and her new Kyoshi Warriors soon. I'll just take Yanna and Korri with me to be safe," Sokka adds, and I know he is already making adjustments to his detailed itinerary in his head. If his scroll wasn't back at his igloo, he'd spread it across the table and make the adjustments right now.

This cycle is nothing new. We are always moving the Potentials around for one reason or another, but I know the shuffling is exhausting and that Yanna wants a more stable life for her daughter, for her to have more of a home. Who wouldn't?

"Can it wait until after the festival?" I ask. "If the commander wanted Korri, he would have taken her by now. Plus, he got his shipment, so the Fire Nation won't be back for a while anyway."

"Fine." Sokka nods, albeit reluctantly. "We can try to wait. We just need to stick close and be ready to leave at any moment in case things get hairy."

"Who's coming here next?" Dad asks as he takes another bite of cod flounder.

"Toph and the Duke are supposed to be coming down with Ditto and his family," Sokka answers.

Another prick of pain streaks through me, that familiar pang of disappointment. It has been years now, but I still hope against hope that Zuko will come here, that our paths would cross again.

I haven't seen Zuko since he left Gaoling almost three years ago. He just…vanished. We hear things about him. He sends curt messages through the usual channels so we know he is alive. Those who have seen him (mostly Sokka), said the encounters were brief and rare. We've all seen Iroh countless times, but Zuko keeps himself scarce and barely tells us anything.

What is it with men thinking they have to go off on their own to be the hero? To be brave?

Zuko is just like Aang and Dad with their ridiculous notions that they have to fix things alone, that it is entirely their responsibility. It will never make sense to me! How is it helpful? How is it anything but selfish and stupid?

Sometimes, I still feel like I am the girl yelling at Dad on the deck of that stolen Fire Nation ship after Ba Sing Se fell.

"We could be helping him, and I know the world needs him but doesn't he know how much we need him too? How could he just leave us behind?"

These wounds, like so many others, are not as healed as I thought they were. They run deep. On some level, I am still angry at Dad. I am still angry at Aang. Now I am angry at Zuko too.

My heart aches. It hurts even though my brain understands.

Gran Gran's hand goes to my forehead. "You look pale, Katara. You aren't getting sick, are you?"

I almost tell her. If we were alone, I probably would. I'd finally tell her how much I miss Zuko, how guilty I feel for messing everything up between us, how I hate myself for never realizing just how much someone means to me until I lose them.

But we aren't alone, so I don't.

Instead, I force a smile and say: "No, it's just been a bad day."

There are some days when I don't go to the healing hut at all. Then, there are others, like today, when I can't seem to leave it. Lessons go long, suddenly everyone is sick or hurt, and before I know it, the day is gone.

Earlier today, I told Dad I wanted to go hunting with him at dusk, but I am starting to wonder if I will be able to get out of here in time. It feels like everyone in the village has come here in need of something.

Yanna and Korri came to see me just as I was finishing up with a boy who almost cut his hand in half while skinning his first mink snake. Usually, on days like today, when I can't come to them for our daily visits, Korri grows impatient and they come to me.

Korri seems to have forgotten all about the encounter with Commander Shoh. She plays with the dummy I use for healing lessons, jumps on the cots, and chases Momo around the space, the little beaded braid tucked into one side of her hair flowing around with her fluid movements.

She is curious and rambunctious but is still a well-behaved toddler. Her energy is one that Yanna can reel in well most of the time, but she still has a lot of energy to keep up with. More than anything, she seems…happy, which reminds me so much of Aang.

"Sokka is going to move us again, isn't he?" Yanna asks with a somber, knowing smile as she smooths the bedding of one of the cots Korri was jumping on.

"Not right now." I move the glowing water through the dummy for Korri who watches keenly, occasionally mimicking my hand movements. "I think I talked him into holding off. Sokka seemed open to the idea of staying until the New Moon Celebration is over."

"Good. I was hoping Korri and I would be able to enjoy the festivities." Yanna tucks the bedding into the edges of the cot then turns to face me. "What about you? Will you be here for it or are you rushing off again?"

If I were to rush off anywhere, it would be the Earth Kingdom. Since I turned 16, the age of marriage for a woman in the Water Tribe, trips to the North Pole have become unpleasant. Any time I go there, I cannot seem to avoid the subject of engagement and marriage. I'm only 18, but they all act like I am a dusty old maid. That, unfortunately, hasn't kept the potential suitors away, though.

"I should be here unless something happens. I'm not really in a hurry to leave," I reply honestly as I make the dummy sit up and wave, which makes Korri laugh and grab its arm but makes Momo fly off.

"You think Hahn will ask you to go to the festival with him?" Yanna asks as she kneels next to us.

I shake my head. "No, I don't think so."

It's possible, I guess. Although I'm pretty sure my way of life scared him off, and if that hadn't, Sokka and my relationship with Zuko definitely did.

Hahn and I are friendly on the rare occasion we do speak, but it is a little awkward. He seems content to keep his distance, and I don't blame him. It is for the best. I think he and I both know I'm in love with someone else.

"I don't know." Yanna shrugs. "I think he still kinda likes you."

"You can have him if you want," I tease, itching to change the subject.

"No, thanks. I've got enough to deal with." She chuckles as she hauls Korri off the dummy and lifts her to her shoulder. "C'mon, Korrine. It's time to go. We need to eat and get washed up for bed."

"No go!" Korri whines as she dramatically flails around in her mother's arms.

"Yes go," Yanna counters as she cradles her against her chest. "Say goodbye to Katara for now."

"Byetaranow," she says politely before resuming her semi-tantrum in Yanna's arms.

I wave goodbye and then resume the process of cleaning up the space. I put up all the rags, ointments, and bandages. Then I begin the chore of changing out the water in the tub and cleaning the tub itself.

Just as I bend the water out of the tub, I hear Dad crossing the threshold, having likely grown tired of waiting on me too.

"Sorry! I know I'm late." I bend the fresh water into the tub. "Just give me a second to—"

When I turn around, it isn't Dad in here with me. It's a man clad in black with a scar covering the left side of his face.

At first, I think I'm hallucinating. I've fooled myself before. I've talked myself into thinking I've seen him so many times. For so long, I've tried to find him everywhere. I looked for him around every corner, down every path, in every market, and in every crowd only to be let down each time.

I try to blink him away, but he doesn't vanish or even fade. In fact, he moves. His mouth contorts into his crooked version of a smile.

Every emotion possible passes through me, and I am unable to process any of them before they rush through me again. In the end, it is joy that prevails and that joy is what takes over my body and propels me forward.

I rush up to him and wrap my arms around his neck. My hands grab firm fistfuls of the black fabric covering his shoulders and back.

His arms go around me. I feel his head lower to the juncture of my neck and shoulder. I feel the familiar heat of his breath there, tickling at my hair.

I hold onto him longer than I should, longer than is socially acceptable, but I can't help myself. I feel so whole at that moment that the thought of letting him go and feeling that horrible frigid emptiness I've felt for the last few years again almost shatters me.

When I do finally pull away, I do it gradually. His face is inches from mine as our eyes fully meet for the first time. It is profoundly intimate, but I find that I don't care. If anything, I keep my hold on his shoulders to keep us this close.

"You're really here," I finally breathe.

"I'm really here," he breathes back.

My eyes travel over his face, frantic and desperate to take in any changes in him. He is, unfortunately, as handsome as I remember. No, he's better looking now. Any lingering boyish roundness to his features is gone, replaced with even more regal slopes. The new edges aren't hard, though. They only amplify the striking features he already had.

I release my hold on him, the top of my hands grazing the long hair that isn't pulled into the loose topknot at the back of his head as I do so. It falls below his shoulders now, making him look less like a prince and more like a soon-to-be Fire Lord which I can't help but think is intentional.

There is so much I want to say to him. I've imagined this moment so many times. I've played it out in so many different ways and thought about all the things I could say, but I am so overwhelmed by my emotions and all the sensations of him that all I can do I stare at him like an idiot.

"It's good to see you, Katara," he says, breaking the silence for me. "You too, Momo," he adds as Momo leaps onto his head and begins to purr.

Before I can answer, I see something slithering under Zuko's black cowl. Also seeing the movement, Momo shrieks, brittles, and flies off. Startled, I move away then a red snake pokes its head out of his collar. Wait, no. It isn't a snake. It's a dragon!

The small dragon slowly crawls out of his cowl completely, and perches itself on Zuko's shoulder, growling lowly at the sight of me.

I take another step back. "Is that a dragon?"

He snorts nervously. "Yeah."

"You left to get a dragon?!"

"Not exactly…" He rubs at the back of his neck. "Well, I did get a dragon, but I didn't leave with the intention of getting a dragon. I mainly wanted support from the Sun Warriors…and ended up with a dragon…"

Just as I am about to reply, a soon-to-be mother, who is having her first baby and is due any day now, enters the room holding her swollen belly, and interrupts me. Her stress brings her here every day even though she doesn't need me, and the sight of Zuko does nothing for her nerves. She clearly wasn't prepared to see a scarred firebender or a dragon for that matter (neither was I…). Her silvery eyes dart nervously between the two of us.

Zuko looks at me and takes a step back. "I'll go so you can take care of her. We'll talk later. Sokka is waiting on me anyway."

A quiet, unexpected panic grips me then. The thought of him leaving again weighs my heart down so much that it drops to the bottom of my gut.

Without thinking, I grab his wrist to stop him from taking another step. I hold on as if he is an escaping part of me, something vital that has been misplaced, something I can't risk losing again, something I have been staggering through life without.

Zuko grins and gives my hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "It's okay. I'm not leaving anytime soon."

Reluctantly, I let go then he is gone again, disappearing as quickly as he appeared, and if it wasn't for the distinct heat that still lingers on my skin, I'd think it had all been a dream.

A/N: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

We are almost (finally!) to the point where we can be rewarded with some fluff and smuttier content! Just don't get too excited because I am still me and I will always have a problem with angst... I'm self-aware enough to know that I can't be trusted!

Thanks again and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!