A/N:Takes place after "Taken" 2x08
Apartment of Olivia Benson
Friday, September 15th, 2000
It was a few weeks before Liv saw Alex outside of work again. Though the gorgeous attorney was never far from Liv's mind, at least until Cragen had given her the news about her mothers passing.
Then, she'd spent her time trying to solve the Ramsay case… and trying not to cry. It was harder than she'd though it would be considering their relationship had not been a very good one. It was only in recent years that she and Serena Benson had come to an uncomfortable understanding. Despite loving her only child, Olivia was living proof of Serena's rape by an unknown man and every feature of her face that wasn't Serena's drove home the truth of that night.
It was enough to drive anyone mad and Serena was no exception. Liv had been both loved unconditionally and hated beyond rationality. It was a hard way to grow up.
Her scarred childhood was why Liv had joined the NYPD. What happened to her mother was why she'd accepted assignment to the Special Victims Unit. Two decisions that she'd never regretted.
It was late, nearly ten, when Liv had finally gotten the courage to open the envelope that held the ME's findings. Courage that had been bolstered by the large dent she'd put in the Fifth of vodka that she'd brought home with her. The loss of her mother hurt her far more than it should and though she hadn't found solace in the bottle, she had found numbness.
Yeah, I know, mom. I know why you couldn't put it down. But i'm not you.
It was part truth, but deep down, she also knew that it was also a lie. Her rational mind knew that she was just as susceptible to alcoholism as her mother was. But for tonight, Liv didn't care. Tonight, she couldn't do what she had to do alone.
Picking up the sealed envelope, Liv stuck her finger into the flap and ripped it open, she jerked as her finger was cut by the sharp edge of the paper. Pulling her hand back she saw the drop of blood that was pooling against the side of her finger far quicker than it should.
Blood, thinned by alcohol.
Liv stuck it in her mouth and sucked the blood away before looking at it again. It was deep cut. One that she knew she should clean and treat right now, but her bathroom was too far away. Even though all she needed was an alcohol pad and a medium sized bandaid. It still required more coordination then she currently had. That and the will to actually move.
Sighing, Liv groaned as she reached over and pulled a Kleenex from the box on her coffee table, it didn't come freely and the box fell on the floor. Two or three of the sheets floated to the floor, coming loose from the container, minus the one still in her hand.
Liv blinked at them but gave up on the idea of picking them up as she covered her finger. She wrapped the one in her hand haphazardly around her finger and returned to the reports from the document envelope. Inside was the Accident report made by a foot patrol. The report made by the EMT's from their arrival, the final report by the Medical Examiner and Death Certificate.
The last one hammered in a finality that Liv couldn't escape.
Also located within was a questionnaire about the deceased's final arrangements. Burial or Cremation. Funeral home preference. Religious based requirements or handling instructions. Body release authorization.
Liv tossed the papers back onto the table, It was already too much and she'd only looked at it for a minute. Her vision blurred and as she blinked them clear, she felt tears streaming down her cheeks.
No! I won't do this! Not now! When it's done and not before!
But as the lump in her throaty grew, she choked on one loud sob.
The doorbell on the intercom buzzed loudly. Liv ignored it as she tried to keep control. It buzzed three more times before falling silent. A moment later her phone rang loudly.
She looked at the Caller ID and saw Alex's name there. Flicking the phone to silent, Liv tossed it down on the table. It skittered off the side and fell to the carpet.
Liv sat on her couch shaking when someone knocked loudly on her door.
"Go away!" She shouted.
"Olivia?" The feminine voice was muffled through the door but Liv would know it anywhere. "It's Alexandra Cabot."
Well, isn't she persistent?
"May I come in, please?" Alex said through the door. "I really would prefer not to disturb your neighbors trying to shout through the door."
As the knocking persisted, Liv finally struggled to her feet and stumbled to the door. She fell in to it and twisted the deadbolt but didn't remove the security chain as she pulled open the door. To keep herself hidden, Liv stayed behind the door.
"I'm really not in the mood for company, counselor."
Alex sighed. "I know, but I heard about your loss and I was concerned. Captain Cragen said that you didn't have any family so I thought… It would be better if you had a friend tonight.
"Oh, now were friends again?" Liv snorted, and rolled so she could stare the pretty blond down., "I can't just flip that switch on and off, counselor."
"I'm not asking you to." Alex replied looking down at her feet. But as Liv came into view, Alex sucked in a breath. Olivia was terribly drunk, and had obviously been crying. Judging by the way she was leaning against the door frame with her hand awkwardly grabbing something for leverage, Alex knew that she'd made the right decision.
So Alex did something that she'd never, ever done before. She released her icy mask of stoicism and swallowed her pride.
"Look, I know that Stabler would probably be a better choice here than I could be, I don't have many friends," Alex carefully pullled her glasses off her face and closed her eyes. "To be perfectly honest, all I really have are political allies. Except you, and I… I guess I may have over reacted the last few times we've met outside of work. But you've lost your mother and I… want to be there for you… Like you were for me."
Liv wanted to slam the door in her face, she really really did, but as soon as Alex lost that ice queen persona and she saw how unsure the younger woman was, she knew that she couldn't. Sighing heavily Liv shut the door gently and released the chain before cracking the door open and slowly making her way back to the couch.
Taking a relieved breath, Alex gently pushed through the door and walked in. The last time she was here, She'd cried herself to sleep in Liv's arms. It had been an awkward morning. Tonight, if it happened again, She wasn't going to feel awkward. SHe would feel good. Like she'd accomplished something.
Liv sat down on the couch and cleared her throat, swiping at her cheek as she heard Alex close and lock the door. Alex slipped out of her shoes and came to Liv's side but as she went to sit down, she saw the paperwork sitting on the table as well as the discarded items on the floor.
Alex reached down and retrieved the box of Kleenex and the phone, the latter she set on the table and the former, she held up to Liv.
"Is there anything I can do?" She asked the brunette.
Liv took a tissue and rubbed it furiously against her eyes, "Not unless you want to fill all this crap out for me."
Alex sat down, right next to her. She set the Kleenex down and picked up the questionnaire. Unfortunately, this was only the beginning. The funeral arrangements form was three times larger. Alex knew that because her father had just been diagnosed with CLPD and Alex, fearing his eventual loss had started looking in to insurance and funeral arrangements. Her mother wouldn't be able to do something like that.
"I can help you, but let's not do this tonight." She said and started to gather the papers up. She placed them back into the torn document envelope and realized that there was more here than just the police report. There was a very old looking file sitting beneath it. THe name on the flap caught her eye.
Benson, Serena, A. / FA 121-0223-67
Alex blinked as she picked up the NYPD file. She thought about opening it but she knew better as she gently placed it on top of the ME's report and pushed them away.
She looked over her shoulder to see Liv watching her from beneath hooded eyes. Pulling her legs beneath her on the couch, Alex leaned back and rested a hand on Liv's shoulder.
She didn't say anything, instead she waited for Liv. It wasn't a long wait.
"I didn't grow up the way that you did." She said softly.
Alex sighed, "Not many do. But being privelaged doesn't mean I won't understand."
"I'm not talking about money." Liv rolled her eyes and picked up the glass of vodka she'd been drinking. "I'm talking about my mother. She tried to put it all behind her but she couldn't."
Shrugging out of Alex's reach she turned to look at the blonde, "My mother was raped a very long time ago and they never found out who did it. Unfortunately her rapist left her with a baby that she couldn't bring herself to give away."
Alex blinked in surprise, "You."
Liv nodded and took a sip of the vodka, "She loved me. Well, she loved me as much as she could, but I was a constant reminder of what happened, Living proof of a night she tried so very hard to forget. She also hated me. Hated that I was part of the sonuvabitch. It wasn't her fault really. As an adult, as a detective in Sex crimes, I understand how she felt. I get how she could love me one minute and hate me the next. The one thing I never really got was why she kept me. There's what she said… but truthfully I don't believe it."
Sighing Liv struggled to keep it at bay. She took a deep breath and continued.
"Our relationship bounced from an affectionate one to abusive in an instant. She'd say the nicest things and then call me things no child should ever hear their mother say. She'd be so loving then she'd hit me harder than anyone ever had. It was a really hard way to live."
Heartbroken, Alex wanted to reach for Liv but given what she was saying, Alex didn't think Liv would welcome it.
"Our relationship got better after I moved out but it wasn't until I was in the SVU did I really understand her."
She sipped at the clear vodka again, "The thing is, I remember more of the bad times then I do the good."
Unable to stop herself Alex reached across the couch and took Liv's free hand. "And that's normal, Olivia. You know that bad memories imprint more deeply than good ones."
Liv looked up into Alex's blue eyes, "Yes I do know. But…"
Her voice trailed off.
Alex sat holding Liv's hand. "But she was still your mother and I'm certain you have fond memories of her."
Liv nodded.
"Tell me." Alex said, "Please?"
It took her a moment but she finally smiled, "My mother wasn't exactly a good cook but there was this one thanksgiving where she picked up this small turkey a few days earlier. She'd done the prep work the day before and had put it in the oven early. We used to have that spray on butter, you know what I'm talking about?"
A quick look at the blond said that she had no clue. Liv shook her head, "It came in a yellow aerosol can. Anyway, every now and again, she'd pull out the turkey and spray it with the butter. The problem was that the oven cleaner also came in a yellow aerosol can and the last time she sprayed it—"
"Oh no!" Alex gasped.
"yeah, she covered the turkey in foaming oven cleaner." Liv started laughing drunkenly, "She started shouting and tried to rinse it of the turkey but as she ran water over it, it started melting!"
Alex chuckled as Liv fell into her laughing,
"She. She tried. It melted! She started crying and I hugged her and she apologized for ruining thanksgiving. And we couldn't find another turkey so we ended up going to Denny's for thanksgiving."
As Alex smiled she gently stroked Liv's back as the cop fell silent. The shaking no longer had to do with silent laughter. Alex heard the sniffle and wrapped her arms around the detective.
Liv cried quietly into Alex's shoulder as the attorney relieved Liv of her drink. Not knowing what else to do, Alex held her for a long time until Liv's grief slowed.
"C'mon." Alex said softly, "Lets get you to bed."
Liv lifted her head slightly and nodded. Gently, Alex pulled her to her feet and put Liv's arm over her shoulder. Once in the bedroom she pulled Liv's blanket back and laid the cop down.
Trying not to think too much about it, Alex removed Liv's belt and unfastened her pants. While doing so, her hand grazed a flat stomach that drew her eyes. The smooth flesh of Liv's stomach where it met the dark grey panties caused her to bite her lip. What she wouldn't give to nip that flesh before delving lower with her mouth.
She's drunk. That's ten years for sex with an incapacitated person.
Sighing to herself, Alex pulled the covers up. She was about to leave when Liv caught her hand.
She looked back to see Livs hooded eyes, "Stay with me?"
"I'm not going anywhere." Alex replied, "I was just going to lay down on your sofa."
Livclosed her eyes and tightened her grip, "Stay with me? Just tonight."
Indecision played through her before she met Livs eyes again. "Alright but I need to change."
Nodding, Liv let go of the soft hand and dropped her head on the pillow.
Hoping she was doing the right thing, Alex retrieved her small overnight bag from Liv's kitchen and went in to Liv's bathroom.
Oh, Alex, you'd better behave or you'll ruin everything. Even your future.
Sighing, she moved to shut the bathroom door but found that it was stuck, she looked down and saw that it rubbed against the tile and would only move about an inch of the way away from the wall.
Glancing at Liv, who'd shed her turtleneck and passed out, Alex gave up and unbuttoned her shirt. With her back to the detective, she slid out of her skirt and hung both up on the towel rack. As quickly and as delicately as possible, Alex unsnapped the straps of her garter and rolled the stockings down to her heels. Then she removed her garter belt and set all three in her overnight bag. She finished with her bra and pulled a knee length slip from the bag and slid it over her body.
I really should have planned this better.
The decision to come to Liv had been spur of the moment or she would have removed the expensive lingerie at home and came over in something more casual, not what she'd worn to court.
As she stepped out of the bathroom, she saw Livs turtleneck on the floor. She quickly snatched it up intending on dropping it in the hamper in the bathroom only to find a plain purple bra beneath it. Another glance at Liv before she picked it up and examined it.
More utilitarian than anything in her closet it had a simple style. Unlike Alex, who tried to get her girls to sit up on a daily basis, hence the padded shelf bra she'd just taken off, she recognized that Liv's bra was designed not just for support, but also to conceal. The cups were larger than Alex would've guessed which said that Liv was quite larger than her shirts revealed.
She deposited the clothes in the hamper and returned to Liv's side. As she peeled back the blanket to get in, her eyes were drawn to the well endowed mounds beneath Livs tank top.
Oh yeah, she has the booby jackpot alright.
Hoping this wasn't a bad idea, Alex stuck her legs into bed and pulled the blankets up. A few moments later, she felt those luscious breasts press into her back. Then, a bare leg drifted over her's and Liv's free hand drifted over Alex's stomach before gently coming to a rest, cupping one of her compact breasts.
A slight snore escaped Liv as Alex moved Liv's wandering hand. Despite her arousal, she glared over her shoulder at Liv, "You'd better be asleep detective, because if you just copped a feel…"
Liv didn't even twitch, she was out cold.
It was a beautiful dream. One she'd had many a night. She had Alex Cabot in bed. But this dream was different. Alex never felt so real, so soft and supple. And her golden blond hair had never tickled her nose like this. It was a maddening tease and no matter how many times she scratched her nose, it came back.
Again, she flattened the hair and went back to cupping one of those perfectly soft mounds.
Oh, yeah, now this is a dream.
She snuggled in to her night time lover a little tighter, feeling Alex's tight butt cheeks pressed against her thighs.
This is what heaven feels like.
Until the ache in her head stepped into the forefront.
Liv rolled onto her back and rested her hand on her forehead. Silently cursing herself for drinking so much she laid there trying to clear her head.
Until the body next to her rolled over. Blond hair, tousled by sleep, tickled the side of her face as a slender arm draped itself around her torso and a long, lean leg hooked itself over her hip.
Liv tried to see who the beautiful woman was but the way she was entwined gave Liv no view.
Closing her eyes, she tried to remember last night. She didn't remember going out and in particular she did not remember picking up this blond. What she did remember was not wanting to look at the Coroner's report.
So how is it she ended up in bed with someone else? Liv glanced around, recognizing she was in her own bed. But as she looked to her bedside table, something caught her eye.
A stylish and slender pair of Robert Marc eyeglasses set along side her alarm clock. Eyeglasses that Liv knew very well since she was fond of looking through them at icy blue eyes.
Oh hell, tell me I didn't sleep with her.
Liv wasn't sure which one would be more of a tragedy, sleeping with her sexy ADA or not remembering it.
Alex stretched her long body languidly along Liv's before her eyes fluttered open and she focused on the brunette.
A soft smile escaped her, "Feel better?"
Liv blinked in surprise. Oh I must have done something for her not to be freaking out.
Realizing their intimate tangle of limbs, Alex gently withdrew herself from the detective. "Sorry. I didn't mean to lay practically on top of you but you were so warm and comfortable."
Still stunned, Liv didn't say anything. But her mouth fell open as Alex reached over to the night table and the blanket fell away from the ADA's back. The soft silk slip that she'd worn to bed had rode up most of her back revealing the black frilly lace thong that was slightly askew. While her back was to her, Liv picked up the bedspread and looked down her own body.
As Alex's bare foot touched her calf, Liv lifted the blanket enough to see that she was in her favorite blue tank and grey briefs.
Oh thank god.
Rarely had Liv engaged in drunken sex but if she had, regardless of the tank top, she would have been nude from the waist down.
A shiver rolled through Alex as she felt her back exposed to the air in the room which was far cooler than the temperature two bodies produce beneath a thick bedspread. Her cheeks blushed as she realized how far up her slip had risen during the night.
Quickly she found the edge and pulled it back over her backside before glancing at Liv.
The detective was sitting up in bed, her head cradled by her hands.
"Are you okay?" She asked quietly.
Liv looked up at her and as her eyes passed over her barely covered chest, Liv averted her eyes. The soft silk clung to Alex's body in a very distracting way.
"I have a headache." She said in a near whisper.
She felt a gently hand on her shoulder, before Alex slid out of bed and walked towards the bathroom.
HSe heard some rustling and looked up to see Alex digging through her medicine cabinet.
Oh my.
The way Alex was tapping he aspirin bottle to get the pills out, the way her glasses were slightly askew, and the amazing case of bed hair the Attorney had all made her look… well, human.
Aside from that one night, Alex had always looked regal, like royalty. Aloof, untouchable. There was just something about her that was… divine.
But as Alex returned with the aspirin and Liv's bathroom cup full of water, she just looked so. Beautifully human.
Alex stood a little too close to Liv as she handed her the three aspirins. Liv put them in her mouth and Alex handed her the water, which she downed completely before returning the cup to the bathroom sink.
Liv forced an awkward smile at Alex, "Thank you."
THe attorney gave her a wry grin. "Thank you for being the one who feels awkward."
Liv blinked, "I feel awkward?"
Nodding in amusement, Alex replied, "Ususally, you can't take your eyes off me. Today you barely look at me."
There was a hint of challenge there and Liv smiled more fully, "well when i wake up half naked next to you, it makes me wonder what i did to get you in bed."
Alex's face fell slightly, "Look, I know that last time we had this conversation, you were quite inebriated but now that your hung over, i'll repeat it. Your my detective, I'm your ADA, that's collusion and it affects every case we work on together."
She turned away and again walked into the bathroom, "And i'm not a lesbian."
Liv sighed as Alex picked up a hand bag that looked like Louis Vuitton. She dug around in it until she came out with a small black case that she opened to reveal a compact toothbrush and toothpaste.
"You always carry a toothbrush and toothpaste in your purse?" Liv asked with a chuckle.
"Of course." She replied and gave Liv a questioning look. "Don't you?"
"No," Liv said as she finally climbed out of bed. "I have that in my locker but not my purse."
"Well, I hardly ever return to my office after eating so I got in the habit of keeping them near by."
All those lunches with politicians, I believe that.
Sighing Liv stretching out her shoulder which made a loud pop.
She rolled her head and groaned lightly before standing up and heading to her dresser.
Reaching behind her, Liv hooked her fingers into the seams in the back of her briefs and pulled them away from her butt to straighten them. A light clank sounded from the bathroom, like plastic on porcelain. It took her a second to register the sound but she eventually turned to identify the sound. Alex was picking her toothbrush off of the floor and she quickly rinsed it off in hot water..
Picking out some new clothes, Liv made her way into the bathroom and around the lawyer.
"Do you want to use the shower first?" She asked the blond.
Alex's cheeks flushed slightly as she turned to look at the beautiful detective. Liv's short hair was toddler everywhere except the circular shaped flat spot that Alex knew for certain was caused by her shoulder being used as a pillow.
Thankfully Liv couldn't see her face since the detective was currently leaning into the bathtub to turn on the water. Ale'x eyes drifted down Liv's curved back to her rump. Alex wanted to reach out and grab that firmness with both hands.
DON'T!
The thought popped into her mind like a ballon that had been stuck with a needle and Alex actually jumped, though thankfully she didn't make a startled noise. She spun away before Liv had straightened.
"Alex?" She asked as Alex packed up her things.
"Um, No." she said her voice slightly shaken, "You go first."
She scooted out of the bathroom so quickly that she was surprised she hadn't left a trail of smoke behind her.
Liv blinked in surprise but she really wasn't up for trying to dissect Alex and her peculiarities right now. Sighing she cranked the water to scalding, stripped out of her clothes and stepped in.