Chapter 11, enjoy!

Warnings: Angst, lots of it.

Disclaimer in chapter 11

Enjoy!

Nurse Me

Chapter 11

I don't want to die

"Does the headache ever stop?" Heidi asked, turning in her bed and looking at Diesel and Brittany, "I wish I had some narcotics to stop it…"

"It's a bitch, I know," Brittany said, leaning back in her seat, wrapped in a heavy blanket, and looking out at the snow falling from the window, "At least you didn't feel it, when Jeanne drilled a fucking hole in your head."

"Brittany," Diesel said, shaking his head and pushing the girl's shoulder, "Stop."

"Where's Papi, I've been awake for a whole day and he's not here," Heidi said, pulling the covers up to her chin, "Is he working?"

Brittany and Diesel looked at one another and then Brittany said, "Shut up, he's busy, let's watch a movie, I got the new action movie and I bet it's going to be a blast."

"Diesel, Brittany," Heidi said, struggling to get up, "Where's Papi?"

"Uh," Diesel said, looking at the girl, "He's with Stephanie, kid, he needs to be there now, Jeanne will come soon to talk to you, okay?"

"…why does he need to be with Stephanie?" Heidi asked, earning a grim look from Diesel, "Diesel?"

"Fuck this," Brittany said, wrenching herself out of her seat and making her way out the room, earning an odd look from Diesel.

"She's been acting like this for the last three days, yeah, you were out like a light for a while, kid," Diesel said to Heidi, earning a smile from the girl, "Hey, she means well, I don't know what crawled up her ass and died, but it needs to leave."

Heidi curled up in her blankets and whispered, "Can you tell me why Papi's not here?"

"Heidi," a soft voice said in the doorway, making Heidi and Diesel turn to look at Jeanne, who stood, looking grim faced, "Diesel, I need to talk to Heidi alone."

Diesel nodded his head and got up, not before patting Heidi's cheek and saying, "I'll be here for you, remember that."

Heidi gave Diesel a look, but the boy turned and left the room, closing the door as he did. Jeanne let out a noise and then walked over to Heidi's bed saying, "I'm sorry your father's not here, we had to…we had to sedate him."

"Why?" Heidi asked, looking stunned, her calm and collected Papi, sedated, "What happened, what's wrong?"

"There are two forms of cancer in your brain, Heidi," Jeanne said, watching Heidi's face pale, "The second cancer is very aggressive, it's multiplying at a quick rate, it doesn't react to chemotherapy and radiation."

Heidi blinked her eyes slowly and then she whispered, "What are we…what's going to happen to me?"

"Heidi, I'm going to try to get you into the National Health Insitute for trials," Jeanne said softly, looking at the girl, "They have an empty slot here at Trenton's Children Hospital and you're going to fill it."

"Wait…Brittany's doing the trials too," Heidi said, lifting her head up, "Are we going to take the same things?"

"No, you two won't be taking the same medicines," Jeanne said softly, looking out the windows, "She's not in the trials anymore, that's all I can tell you, sweetie, we'll get you all set up after New Year's Day."

Heidi watched as Jeanne walked over to the door, tears welling in her eyes. She let out a hiccup sob and asked, "Will Papi be up soon?"

"He sure will, sweetie," Jeanne said, turning around and giving Heidi a bright smile, "I bet Stephanie is pushing him to your room right now, don't worry, you're a fighter, I know you can beat this."

Heidi gave Jeanne a smile and then her doctor was gone, closing her door with a soft click.

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

"Fuck," Jeanne sobbed into her hands, her body hunched over her desk, "Fuck, fuck, fuck…."

Jeanne let out a whimper and then leaned back in her seat, tears dropping off the edge of her nose. She felt like a failure, a total failure. How could she boost a 20 percent survival rating when she couldn't help the few people who deserved to live?

Jeanne pulled open one of the drawers of her desk and took out a tall bottle of Russian Vodka. She found two tumblers and then got up, making her way out her office and down the Blue Ward. It was well past midnight in the hospital and all the children were sound asleep and the nurses had just finished their rounds.

Jeanne let out a sigh, rubbed her tired eyes and then knocked on the door of Brittany's suite. The girl answered with a curt, "What?"

"Brittany, it's me, Jeanne, can I come in," Jeanne asked, earning a huff from the girl inside.

"For what? So you can give me more bad news?" Brittany asked, wrenching the door open, "How about you-Damn…you look like shit…"

"I know," Jeanne said, gently bumping her way into Brittany's room and going over to her bed, pushing a pile of records out the way, "Earlier I told Heidi that she would be put in the trial slot you had."

"I know," Brittany said, closing the door and making her way to her recliner, "She wanted to congratulate me, for beating my illness, or some sentimental shit."

Brittany let out a bitter laugh and said, "I've never wanted to hit a person so badly before…but it's not her fault I'm off the trials."

Brittany looked up at Jeanne and asked, "I stormed out of your office, before I could ask this but…how long do I have left, before I die?"

"Three months, with treatments, maybe six months, if we're lucky," Jeanne said, looking over to the girl and taking the cap off the vodka, "That's if you don't have any complications such as illness or injuries."

Brittany watched Jeanne pour vodka into the tumblers and asked, "Is one of those for me?"

"You know it," Jeanne said, with a small smile, "I think a little booze isn't going to kill you."

"But Leukemia sure can," Brittany said, grabbing the tumbler Jeanne held in front of her, "Oh my…this smells pretty strong."

"You've handled chemotherapy and radiation treatments, you can handle some vodka," Jeanne joked, knocking back her own tumbler and then licking her lips, "Isn't this on your bucket list, getting drunk with the woman you love?"

"I don't have a bucket list," Brittany said, looking down into her vodka, "I thought I wouldn't need one…besides, what would I want to do, I'm rich, I could do anything I want to, with the snap of my fingers, most of the things on regular people's list, I've done before I was 10."

"I'm sure..." Jeanne said, softly, pouring herself another shot of vodka, "There is something you can do, if not for yourself, but for others, right?"

Brittany looked thoughtful for a second and then she gave Jeanne a small smile and said, "Guess I'll have to make a call to my grandpa, he can help me…"

Jeanne nodded her head and then Brittany pressed the tumbler to her mouth and knocked back the vodka in it. She let out a gagging noise and wheezed, "Holy shit ,this is so nasty! I thought it would be tastier than this, bleh!"

Jeanne chuckled at Brittany and then knocked back her second drink. Brittany got up and walked over to Jeanne and kissed her softly on the lips.

"Would you have sex with me, if it was on my bucket list?" Brittany asked, looking down at Jeanne, "I think that's a wish I would like very much."

"Maybe," Jeanne said, as Brittany sat beside her on the bed, "But, that would be unethical."

"When have I ever followed ethics," Brittany murmured, leaning forward and kissing Jeanne again, "So why start now?"

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

Carlos let out a groan, running a hand over his eyes and trying to ignoring the occasional cough from someone close by him. The coughing, however, got more persistent and louder until Carlos opened his eyes and turned his head to see Stephanie glaring down at him. Carlos looked around and found that he was in an empty hospital room. Carlos blinked twice and then he sat up suddenly, saying, "Dios! Heidi!"

"Not like this," Stephanie said, crossing her arms, "We had to call Tank, you were belligerent! He held you down and we had to sedate you! Listen to me, Carlos and listen to me good…Heidi doesn't deserve this, she is about to take on the fight of her life, she needs you now more than ever! I'll be damned if that girl sees you in the way you were the other night! Get it together, Carlos, because if you don't, you'll lose her!"

Carlos, sat back in the hospital bed and then nodded his head, looking over to Stephanie, "You're right, you're right, Heidi needs me and I need to get it together."

"Good," Stephanie said, with a curt nod, "Now, you can use the bathroom here to wash up, Tank bought some of your toiletries and then you're going to Heidi's room and then you're going to eat lunch with the child, understand?"

"Yes ma'am," Carlos said, getting up from the bed, "Stephanie…Babe I want you to know that-"

"It's alright," Stephanie said, with a small smile, "I know, you were under a lot of pressure and things, you didn't mean it."

Stephanie ran a hand down the front of her scrubs and then turned and left the hospital room. Carlos let out a low curse and then sat back down on the hospital bed, thinking about what happened in the last few days.

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

After finding out that his child had two tumors growing in her brain, Carlos did what any rational man would do in his situation.

He drank himself silly. He went out to the liquor store bought the biggest bottle of tequila he could find and then sat in his car, in the parking lot of the hospital, drinking until he couldn't see straight. He was a strong man, a man who could keep his emotions in check, but hearing the fact that his last living family member, his flesh and blood, was dying, it broke him, he was broken, and he didn't know if he could be fixed.

Carlos had climbed out his Cayenne and then had stumbled into the hospital to the Seriously Ill Ward, drunk. Lula had caught him first and then another nurse. Carlos had been angry, shouting that he only wanted to see his daughter that he wanted to save her.

Moments later, Tank appeared and he grabbed Carlos, holding him tight in a bear like hug. Stephanie had materialized out of nowhere and then she had sedated him. He fought and struggled with both Tank and the medicine but the medicine had won, and then he was asleep.

Carlos woke up several times, crying out and sobbing for his daughter, for the wife he had lost, for some comfort, that's all he wanted. Warm , soft hands grabbed one of his and he would go still and fall asleep. When he woke up, he found Stephanie sitting beside him, in the sleeper chair, doing paperwork. Carlos had begun to talk to Stephanie, in a haze, about his fears, his desires, everything that was on his mind.

"I can't let her die," Carlos said as Stephanie held his hand gently, "I can't let Heidi die, I let her mother die, but I can't let her die, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if she died."

"We'll fight for her," Stephanie said to him, "Don't worry Carlos, Heidi is in good hands."

"Stephanie," Carlos whispered, looking at the woman, "I've been this strong man for most of my life, but this, this is going to break me, I won't be able to live if Heidi died."

"Carlos," Stephanie said, putting her work down and getting up, going over to the man, "Carlos, don't worry, we're going to help you and Heidi, okay?"

"Please," Carlos sobbed, as Stephanie wrapped her arms around his shoulders, "Please, save her, save my child."

Stephanie ran her fingers through Carlos's hair, letting him relax in her arms. They were silent for a while, before Carlos lifted his head up and said, "Your husband is a fool, Stephanie….you're beautiful and kind, you remind me so much of her that it hurts."

Stephanie felt Carlos sit up and then his lips were on hers, Carlos pulled away from Stephanie and whispered, "Stephanie…"

Stephanie let go of Carlos and said, "Go to sleep, Carlos, I'll be here when you wake."

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

Carlos, now refreshed and presentable, made his way into his child's hospital room. He could hear soft talking from inside of the closed room and then he opened the door softly. Heidi was sitting up in her bed, having an animated conversation with Lula. Heidi's head turned and when she saw her father, she smiled and said, "Papi! How was your sleep?"

"Mhmm," Lula said, crossing her arms and giving Carlos a glare, "How was your sleep, Mr. Manoso."

"Good," Carlos said, walking over to Heidi and sitting down in the sleeper chair beside her bed, "Bella, I want to say sorry to you for not being there when you woke up, I shouldn't have acted the way I did."

Heidi nodded her head and said, "It's okay, Papi, I…never thought that this would affect you as much as it does."

"Heidi," Carlos said, getting up and sitting on the bed beside his daughter, "Sweetie, you are my world, You being sick is tearing at my heart. I wish I could be the one ill, you should never have to feel this pain."

Carlos hugged Heidi close to him and said, "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you too…"

Heidi and Carlos hugged one another, before looking up and hearing sniffles. They turned to see Lula, standing by Heidi's bed, wiping her eyes. Carlos gave the woman a look and Lula said, "Sorry, but this is too much for me, I love scenes like this!"

Heidi giggled as Lula let herself out the room, leaving the father daughter duo alone. She turned to look at her father and said, "I'm going on the trial medicine now, since Brittany is off them."

"What does that mean for Brittany?" Carlos asked, earning a bright smile from his child.

"That means she can go home, that means the trial medicine worked for her," Heidi said, leaning against Carlos, "Which I'm happy for her, because she's been here for almost two years, if anyone deserves to be cured, it's her."

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

Stephanie laid in the bed, staring up at the blank ceiling her fingers lightly running over her lips and her mind on overdrive. Carlos had kissed her, he kissed her while he was crying, he kissed her because she reminded him of his dead wife. How was she supposed to feel about this? How was she supposed to feel about the fact that she cheated on Joe?! Fuck, how was she going to tell Joe this?

Stephanie rolled in the empty bed and looked at the spot Joe slept in. It had been weeks since he had slept there, claiming to Stephanie that he had been at his cousin's house, sleeping on his couch. What if he was lying? What if he was with that woman, the woman she had heard in the phone the other day. God, that hurt her more than Joe's seemingly abandonment of their marriage.

Stephanie covered her eyes and thought about what Carlos had said to her, while she had held him, as he cried in her arms. He had given her compliments, kissed her, but he had compared her to his late wife. It wasn't fair, this wasn't fair. Joe's ultimatums, Carlos's kindness and his apparent loneliness, why did she have to deal with this, along with several severely ill children?

Stephanie sat up in the bed and turned the light on. She got up, walked over to where her phone lay and picked it up, dialing a number. She wasn't surprised when she didn't reach Joe, she let out a huff and said, "Joe, we need to talk, stop avoiding me, please, I know you don't like the fact that I'm working, but can we at least talk this out like adults? I need you more than ever, things at the hospital…I…I just need you Joe, please, come home."

Stephanie hung up the phone and then sat down on her bed, looking out the window. She closed her eyes and fell backwards on the bed, curling up into a ball and falling into a fitful sleep. Maybe Joe will be there when she woke up, god, she needed him right now.

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

Roxy deleted the message on Joe's phone, turning to the man as he got out the shower and padded into guest bedroom bedroom, with a smile on his face. He saw that Roxy had his phone in her hands and asked, "Who was it? I heard the phone go off earlier."

"Oh, just a wrong number, I came and answered it, since it was very noisy," Roxy said, brightly, placing Joe's phone on the dresser again, "Don't worry, are you hungry, I made dinner."

"You do know what a man wants," Joe chuckled, leaning down and giving Roxy a kiss on the cheek, "You're amazing, Rox."

Roxy grabbed Joe's arm, stilling him and then leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. Joe went still for a moment, before he was returning the kiss, his arms wrapping around Roxy's hips, pulling her close to his wet chest. They kissed with a passioned desperation, before falling onto the bed, with Roxy straddling Joe's waist.

"Wait," Joe said, pulling away from Roxy, "I…I have a wife…."

"Who cares," Roxy stated, before leaning down and kissing Joe's neck, "She's made her mind up, choosing her job over you, I would never do that to you, Joe, let me prove it to you…"

Joe ran a hand over Roxy's face before he slid his wedding ring off and tossed it causally across the room.

"She used to be amazing but then, she changed," Joe said, before kissing Roxy deeply, his arms wrapping around her waist, "Finally showed her true colors…didn't she?"

"Yes she did," Roxy said, stripping off her clothes, "Don't worry Joe, I'll make it up to you."

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

"Leave him," Lula said, rubbing Stephanie's back as she sobbed loudly, "He's not worth this drama, Steph, you haven't seen him in weeks, don't keep this up."

Stephanie looked up at Lula and said, "He's sleeping with that woman I heard, I called his cousin, Joe hasn't been at his place at all, he's at that woman's place…why? What have I done to deserve this?!"

"Nothing," Lula said, rubbing Stephanie's back, "You didn't do anything wrong, it's okay, leave him, he's not worthy of you."

Stephanie let out a shaky sigh and whispered, "Carlos kissed me…and I let him…"

Lula rose an eyebrow and then asked, "So….?"

"So?! The man was still somewhat drunk, sedated and he said, before he kissed me, that I reminded him of his dead wife!" Stephanie said, sitting up, "How am I supposed to feel about that, insulted, creeped out?! I don't know what to say!"

Lula tsked softly and then gently patted Stephanie's hand saying, "Stephanie, the man has been a widow for five years, he's been busy raising a daughter and now his child has cancer, in a moment of insanity, things like this do happen."

Stephanie sat back in her seat, looking at Lula and then said, "You're right, I just…I don't know how to think, Lula, it wasn't a passionate kiss, either, it was just a quick peck too, here I am thinking I'm cheating on my husband…god, I'm such a fool."

"Hush," Lula said, looking down at her paperwork, "You know, Heidi's taking Brittany's slot in the medical trials from the health institute."

"Really?" Stephanie said, stunned, turning to Lula, "Well, does that mean, Brittany's cured."

"Oh shit," Lula said, looking at Stephanie, "That's right, you…don't know….Brittany's not admitted for treatment now, it's hospice care now."

Stephanie's hand flew to her mouth and Lula nodded her head saying, "The medicine she was on, during the trials, they didn't work, in fact they made it worst, she's too ill now to even attempt a bone marrow transplant, and even if she was healthy enough, it wouldn't have been a cure all for her leukemia. Jeanne says with a pain medicine regime and some chemotherapy, she'll live for another 3 to 6 months."

Stephanie's eyes welled with tears and she whispered, "Not Brittany, damn it all…not her."

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

"I know, Grandpa," Brittany said into the phone, looking down at her hands, "I know there are options, but, I want to make the best of it, 3 to 6 months, I think I can get a lot done during that period. Yeah, I know I'm extremely calm about this, it's just, well, it's just life. Look, all I need from you is a blank check, and your private jet, yup, I'm doing make a wish on crack, Grandpa…Hell yeah! Send me some of that good shit, you can't keep it for yourself, gramps, mhmm, Purple Kush, the best! Okay, Love you too, old man…bye."

Brittany hung her phone up and then looked down at the two folded pieces of papers in her lap. She opened them both and said, "Diesel's and Heidi's list…I think we can get it all done in one weekend…"

Brittany folded up the papers again and then slipped them under her pillow, just as her room door opened and Ms. Glenn came rolling into her room, a smug smile on her face. Brittany let out a scoff and rolled her eyes saying, "Oh great, the homophobe, look if I wanted someone to bash on my sexuality, I would have called my parents."

Ms. Glenn crossed her arms and said, "So, I've heard about the good news, about you going into hospice care."

"Good news?" Brittany asked, sitting up, "Oh yeah, of course it's good news for you."

Ms. Glenn giggled and said, "Oh yes, if there's anyone who deserves to die, it's you, after what you did to that poor girl-"

"Now hold on," Brittany said, getting out of the bed, "I didn't do shit to that bitch! She did it to herself, Ms. Bitch, you are only angry because that bitch wouldn't bow down to your sexual advances, and when she didn't, you turned on me, because she wanted me, and I didn't want her! I did nothing to Lila you jealous old bitch-"

A loud slap rang through the room, and Brittany stumbled back, holding her cheek, blood dripping down the side of her mouth, where her teeth cut into her lip. Brittany's eyes were wide with shock and Ms. Glenn's chest heaved with rage.

"You're fired," A soft voice said, making Ms. Glenn turn around to see Stephanie standing in the doorway, her eyes dark with rage, "Get the hell out of here, Ms. Glenn, do not come back into this hospital."

"You have no authority over me!" Ms. Glenn shrieked glaring at the woman in front of her, "You can't fire me!"

"If the safety of my patients is at stake, then yes, Ms. Glenn, I can fire you," Stephanie said, crossing her arms, "I just watched you slap a cancer patient, injuring her, I suggest you leave, and not come back ,least her grandfather, the man who funds this ward, presses charges against you."

Ms. Glenn gave Stephanie a pale look and then hurried out of Brittany's room. Stephanie gave her a look as she ran off and then turned to Brittany, rushing over to the girl and asking, "Brittany, dear, are you alright?"

Still covering her cheek, Brittany looked up at Stephanie and nodded her head, her eyes far away. Stephanie lifted Brittany's hand from her cheek and hissed, "It's already bruising, damn that bitch, she knows better, I'm going to report this to Jeanne, and let her deal with this mess."

As Stephanie fretted over Brittany, she heard a soft sob, making her look down at the girl to see her crying. Stephanie let out a sound saying, "Brittany, what's wrong? Is it the slap, did she injure you in another place."

"I don't want to die," Brittany whispered, looking up at Stephanie, "Why does it have to be me?"

Stephanie hugged Brittany close to her chest, letting the girl cry loudly in her shoulder. Stephanie rubbed her back, whispering, "I don't know, honey, I don't know."

TBC….

Ohh...The drama and the angst is thick in this chapter! Almost cried a few times writing this...please leave a review, please? .w.