Chapter 16, it's a long one, I merged two chapters together because um...yeah, it's the start of a very emotional roller coaster for them all. The next few chapters..yeah, I wept while I wrote them.

Warning: Angst, lots of it, talks of past suicide, grief and accepting it, yeah..

Enjoy!

Nurse Me

Chapter 16

Make A Wish: PT 5.

The first night of their vacation, they had come in so late that after the others came back from their circus show, the children could barely keep their eyes opened and so they had been rounded up and sent to bed. They were all out like a light bulb, the moment their heads hit the pillows. Lula and Stephanie has tucked them in with extra care, checking their tubing and seeing if they were in discomfort. In the morning, Heidi and Diesel would be taking to the cancer center beside the resort for a few hours, Brittany would have her therapy session and then most likely have a lay down.

After that, Diesel, before he went to bed, told them all he was gamble tomorrow, at the casino in the resort.

"I got lots of money to bet, damn it, I'm gonna do it…" The boy had rumbled sleepily before drifting off, "gonna….win…bi….zzzz"

Speaking of big wins… Stephanie turned to Lula who was still giddy with joy. She clucked her tongue and shook her head saying, "I spend over 600 of not my money, and only won back 50, you spend only 10 bucks and win 550K, where is your good luck charm at so I can steal it!"

"It was all Tankie Wankie, thank you, he kissed my money," Lula huffed as she sat on Stephanie's bed, her winnings, after taxes, were now safely in her bank account, thanks to the wonder of the banking apps, "I think I'm gonna send some to my siblings…"

"That's very thoughtful of you," Stephanie pulled her damp hair up in a braid and looked to Lula, "I heard that the kids got the personally meet the comedian they went to see tonight, Diesel almost fainted."

"Glad they had a ball, also, I saw you holding Mr. Manoso's hand during our meal, see, this vacation was not only a good distraction from your issues in New Jersey, it helped you tell Carlos what was happening too."

"I bet he already knew, whatever," Stephanie tossed her towel in the laundry chute and turned to woman sitting near her, "We're only here for three more days, then, after New Years, we'll be back in Trenton, and I'll have to face that shit storm."

"Yeah, but…at least before you left, you the divorce papers written up and sent to Joe," Lula tapped her chin, "If he signs them, that's a different story."

"I thought adultery would help that process, damn it," Stephanie swiped some night cream on her face and slapped her cheeks gently, "The faster I'm free from that pig, the faster he can move on with his little…side piece."

"And you can move on for more…sexier pastures," Lula laughed, making Stephanie toss throw pillow at her, "Hey, just being honest!"

"Yeah, well shut it," Stephanie laid down by Lula and rested her hands on her stomach, "He is cute, isn't it? She finally admitted, making Lula nod her head, "And he's a very attentive father…"

Lula nodded her head sagely and said, "He is…would be a good husband but…" Lula paused, "He needs to get right with himself, about a lot of things, while you deal with your thing, he can deal with his, right?"

"Right, but I'm not expecting much from him," Stephanie finished lamely, making Lula shake her head and stand, "What?"

"I'm going to bed, good night, Steph," Lula said as she left the room to go to her own room.

Stephanie rolled over on her bed, looking out the stained glass window and out at the desert sky. She was lucky, her window looked out at the lovely pool that seemed to be the bigger shared pool for a few suites, that glowed softly in the night area. It was soothing and she was about to close her eyes and go to sleep, but a dark figure walking past her window, had her sitting up and getting out of the bed and walking over to window. Looked out the only clear pain and, in the soft light that surrounded the pool, saw Carlos stripping off his shirt and pants, to reveal his a snug pair of swimming trunks. Stephanie watched him dip a foot into the steamy water before he sat up straight, stretched and then dove into the large body of water.

Stephanie bit her lip and then made her mind up and left her room, softly padding through the living area and over to the back door and opening it slowly. She nearly yelped as she got hit with a wall of cold air. Desert or not, it was freezing, that crazy man was swimming in this weather?!

Stephanie grabbed her jacket and then walked out the backdoor and closed it, going over to the large pool, seeing Carlos do quick lap down a lane. Stephanie walked to the edge of the pool, her hands on her hips as she looked down as Carlos swim to the edge of the pool and grab it to look up at her.

"It's a little late, Babe, 3AM, Diesel and Heidi have radiation therapy," Carlos said, bobbing in the water.

"That is only a 30 minute session for both of them," Stephanie said, crouching down to glare at Carlos, her breath hanging in the air, "You! Why are you swimming, it's freezing out here, Mr. Manoso!"

"The pool's heated though," Carlos gave Stephanie a smile, "You wanna feel, to see if I'm wrong?"

"Wha-no I DON'T!" Stephanie squeaked as Carlos grabbed her hand and pulled her into the water, pajamas and all, "Oh! Mr. Manoso, I am going to kick your ass!"

"Gotta catch me first!" Stephanie managed to tug off her jacket and began to swam after the man, who laughed and dodged her hands, "Gotta be faster, Babe!"

"I just put on my face cream," Stephanie turned in the water, spinning around as Carlos swam on the water beside her, "Got you!" She jumped on his back and then yelped as he took off in a fast stroke, taking her with him, "Hey!"

When the man broke the surface for air, he turned to look at Stephanie, who was glaring at him, her ruined jacket floating past them. Carlos gave her a smile and said, "See, nice and heated, wasn't lying."

"Never said you were lying, I just didn't want to feel it!" Stephanie let out a breathless noise as Carlos she gripped at Carlos's shoulders, "You talk about me being up…what about you?"

"Couldn't sleep, I have a therapy session tomorrow, with the man the doctor spoke about," Carlos said, looking into Stephanie's eyes, "I don't like feeling vulnerable or weak…"

"That's part of being a human, a father, whose daughter is fighting for her life," Stephanie rested a hand on Carlos's cheek and whispered, "It's okay to be vulnerable and weak for a moment…it helps Heidi to get a read from you too."

Carlos grunted looking away from Stephanie and then back to her before asking "How…upset are you about getting a divorce?"

"I feel like that's a loaded question," Stephanie responded, though her body was nice and warm in the water her head was not and she didn't' want to get a head cold, "Why?"

"Just wondering," The man said, before he leaned and asked in a soft voice, "May I kiss you?"

"I shouldn't be kissing the father of my sick patient," Stephanie bit her lip, looking at Carlos, "Ethics…"

"We whisked three sick kids out of their sick bed across the country, letting two of them get high, underage and they'll most likely be doing some underage drinking," Carlos whispered, leaning closer to Stephanie, "I think…a small kiss is the least of our problem…"

The man had a fucking point and damn it, she sort of wanted to kiss him, "Just one," she finally said, "One kiss that's-" She didn't finish because Carlos captured her mouth in a long but extremely tamed kiss, "…all."

They looked at each other for a moment, before Carlos chuckled softly and confessed, "I feel like a teenager again, Steph, "One mor-"

"Fuck yes," Stephanie hissed, before Carlos was leaning in for another kiss, this one less tamed. It had Stephanie leaning forward for more, her fingers digging slightly into his shoulders as they kissed for as long as they could, before Stephanie broke away for air.

"This is dangerous…" Stephanie hissed, releasing Carlos, "Nope, no buts…dangerous, too dangerous…you…" she began to swim away, "Work on yourself, that's it, no more kisses from me, got it? A-a-and I have to work on myself too! I have to deal with a divorce…and family and-"

"You're worth the wait," Carlos said once Stephanie was out the pool, holding her wet jacket, "Stephanie, you're worth the wait and worth me working on myself, you and Heidi."

Stephanie couldn't feel the damn cold with how flushed she got with that declaration, "U-um, thank you-I mean, yes-I mean…good night!"

She did what any respectful 'Burg girl would do in a situation like this; turn tail and run away. She needed another shower and dry clothes! She did not dream about sexy Cuban American fathers when she went to bed, nope, she didn't!

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

Brittany had been leery about the new mind doctor. First off, they were doing an online session, since he was back in New Jersey. Second off, the last mind doctor they had smacked the shit out of her and thirdly, she wasn't fucked up in the head!

She demanded her grandfather at her first session, took the laptop into the room she was using as her personal chemo room. Her grandfather had been amused as she closed the curtains to the windows and door, locked the doors, her eyes shifty, before she plugged the laptop into the TV, grabbed the fluffy blanket and pulled it over her lap and sat beside the older man.

"I'm sorry the last doctor made you feel like this," Kevin kissed the top of Brittany's head as she waited for the therapist to pop in, "I hope you'll be happy to know Miss. Glenn won't darken the doorstep of any vulnerable sick person again."

"Good, she was rude mean and plain old awful, she bought things with nuts in them because I couldn't eat them," Brittany hissed, tugging the hood of her jacket over her head and pulling the drawstrings taut, so that most of her face was hidden away, "There protected by wild therapists and their ugly mugs!"

"Ugly, jeez you haven't even seen me yet, can you even see me from that tiny hole in your hoodie?" Brittany yelped and jumped, looking up at the TV to see a man looking at her, with a smile on his face. Well shit, he was not ugly, in fact he was the opposite of that word, with soft hazel eyes, greying black hair that was cut short and a very infectious smile, "I sort of see you in there, you must be Miss. Brittany, how you feeling?"

"Can you tell?" Brittany's muffled response had the man nodding his head as he lifted a cup of tea to his lips to sip it, "Look at you, with your herbal tea and shit…trying to bring my guard down, am on to you!"

"Very guarded, you don't let strangers in and see what you hide under that tough shell of yours. Which is good and sort of bad, I can't help you through this tough time, if you can't open up just a little for me, Miss. Brittany," The man said, setting his cup down, "I'm very glad you have someone with you for this session, I was going to ask if someone could sit in with you, but you've got that covered!"

"Why's that important?" Brittany looked at the man with one eye as her grandfather gently rubbed the top of her head, "So you can claim something bad didn't happen?"

"No, because I want you to have support, you're dealing with something not many people will deal with for several decades," The man said softly, "Have you ever heard of the saying; 'It takes a village to raise a child?'"

"…I've sort of heard it before," Brittany said, off handedly, "Why?"

"Because, it takes a village to help a child accept, at a very early age, that they'll be leaving the village in the most unfortunate of ways and it takes that same village to nourish and care for that child, until that time comes," The man leaned forward and said, "This is something you should never face alone, Miss. Brittany, I want to help you, ease you into this process, in anyway that makes you comfortable."

Brittany tucked her hands in her lap, looking at her grandfather with one eye and then to man, before she asked, "What's your view on sticky buns full of nuts?"

"I'm allergic to nuts," the man said simply, "And sticky buns are sort of sticky, I prefer something a little less messy, like cookies or cupcakes, chocolate cupcakes."

Brittany hesitated for a moment but then began to undo the strings of her hoodie to show both her eyes this time. The man smiled and said, "That is a start, and also, I apologize, I know you but you don't know me. My name is Nate, I'm a psychotherapist that specializes in mental healthcare for patients who are dealing serious illness and ones who are in need of palliative or end of life therapy. I also help their families as well."

Nate looked to the girl and said, his eyes serious, "Palliative care, it can be scary, terrifying but at the same time, soothing, healing almost. I want you to know, Miss. Brittany, what ever is said, between us three, stays with us three, it will not be used against you or your support system, nor will it be used against you will malice, I swear to you."

Brittany looked down at her lap, leaning against her grandfather. There was a long moment of silence before Nate asked, "Are you okay with this?"

"…Yeah, I'm okay with you….but I'm not okay with..uh…the dying part, I guess," She finally croaked out, as her grandfather wrapped a supporting arm around her, "Mr. Nate-"

"You can call me Nate, Miss. Brittany," the man gently told her.

"Nate…I'm scared of death, the thought of dying and leaving everyone behind," She whimpered closing her eyes, "And I don't-I don't know what to do."

"That's perfect fine, fear of the unknown is normal and I want you to know, we will all help you along the way to the end of your journey," Nate said to the girl, as her shoulders shook and she began to sob softly, "You're very brave to tell me that, thank you."

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

"That must have been a very tiring session," Jeanne whispered, looking down at Brittany's sleeping form, zeroing in on her puff face and the tear tracks on her face before looking over to Keven, "Mr. Dogwood, was everything alright, he wasn't harsh with her, was he?"

"No, he was very gentle and soothing, I think it shook her," Kevin said, covering his grandchild with a blanket, "She was so guarded, taut as a violin string, but she lowered some of her defenses, which is a start."

"She's mostly bark and little bite," Jeanne commented, earning a nod from the older man, "That sharp tongue and wit, I bet you Nate's going to say, 'it's her sword and shield…'"

"Yeah, strong enough to bring down a castle, right?" The man sighed, just as the door to the penthouse opened and Stephanie came in, ushering the other two children in, "Ah, the rest of the three musketeers."

"Yup," Stephanie placed a hand on Diesel's head, which was covered with a knitted cap, a gift from Lula, "This one is going to get set up for chemo and you, missy," she looked to Heidi, who sat up, "You hungry?"

"A little," Heidi said as she took her coat off, "I think I want chicken soup and ginger ale," she yawned, "We went to bed so late, I'm still a little sleepy, might nap after lunch."

"You want some lunch in bed?" Jeanne placed a comforting hand on Heidi's shoulder, "Your father had about another half hour with his meeting, let's get you settled in, we'll order room service and then you all can sleep for a bit,"

"Sounds like a plan," Heidi yawned and walked over to waiting bed and climbed in it, settling back in the pillows as Jeanne tucked her in, "Thank you."

"No problem, sweetie, any lingering pain from the radiation?" Jeanne asked as she placed the order for lunch for all three children in the by the bed.

"No…just a bit achy, I'm excited to see Diesel play blackjack tonight," she sniggered and looked up at Jeanne, "Do you think he's going to win big?"

"I don't know…" Jeanne shrugged a smile on her face, "Do you think he can count cards?"

"I think that was a fib to get Brittany off his back," Heidi wrinkled her nose and Jeanne snorted, "Everyone knows she makes him flustered."

"She sure does," Jeanne said, flicking Heidi's nose, "Hey, I found a new therapist for the group, he's very nice and is no Ms. Glenn, please he likes chocolate cupcakes, I'm going to set you up with a meeting to see him, soon, okay?"

"Yeah, anyone is better than her…" Heidi nodded her head her eyes closing, "Just a quick nap, before lunch, okay?"

"Okay," Jeanne said, making to leave but then Heidi caught her hand. She turned to look at the girl, who opened her eyes and smiled at her.

"You don't have to be strong all the time, you know, Papi does that all the time, it gets him in trouble all the time too, Diesel, Brittany and I…we're strong, we can be strong for you too," Heidi said, softly, making Jeanne sit on the bed beside her, "Do you want a hug? Can I hug you?"

Jeanne's throat closed and she held her arms opened and Heidi launched herself in the woman's arms and they hugged one another for a bit, before Jeanne looked down at the child and said, "Heard my break down last night?"

"Mhmm, Diesel did too, you're gonna get a hug from him too," Heidi smiled up at Jeanne, "You're the best doctor we have, I know we're in good hands."

"Thanks for that ego boost," Jeanne hugged Heidi close to her, one last time, before tucking her back in, "Now, sleep until lunch comes."

"Kay," Heidi turned and fell asleep easily a smile on her face.

Jeanne left the room and went to her own private room, telling the adults to find her if anything happened, and sat on her bed, staring out of the windows, lost in her thoughts.

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Manoso," the man in the screen smiled, nodding his head to the man on the other side of the screen, "I'm Nate, I'm a Psychotherapist that specializes in therapy specialized in cancer, serious illnesses and diseases and palliative therapy."

"Nice to meet you," Carlos said, sitting up in his office chair, "Which area are you more experienced in?"

"Palliative therapy, it's a challenge, because end of life care is hardly spoken about," Nate said, nursing his cup on cam, "It happens, yet people focus on the 'they will get better' parts. Sometimes, when those parts become dead ends for these people, it's almost too late for proper end of life care."

Carlos tapped the chair's arms and then confessed, "With my wife, we didn't do palliative care, everyone was so focused on her getting better, that she would get out of the hospital, her cancer would go into remission. Everyone thought that but her."

"Carlos come sit, please," Isabella looked up from her hospital bed, watching her husband pace the length of the hospital room, "You're making me dizzy…"

"I'm just concerned, John Hopkins hasn't responded to the doctor yet, and everyday we wait, you ger worse," Carlos looked over to his ill wife, "I can't help bu-"

"I told the doctor not to call them," Isabella finally confessed, clasping her hands together, "I've decided, I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of this…Carlos, hospital rooms, surgeries, promises that are a veneer the truth that I've come to accept; I'm dying."

"Isabella," He walked over to the woman and grabbed her hand. It had become so frail, so tiny in the last few months, "Why? W-we were told there was a possibility that-"

"Carlos," the woman said, shaking her head, "What good is a possibility of two percent, we aren't that lucky now… and even if I get cured of my cancer, what's so say a cold won't take me out, or a sore throat or anything, honestly. I can't go back to what I once was. Look at me, Carlos, really look at me."

Carlos looked at his wife, holding her hand. She looked so tiny in the bed, surrounded by machines and tubes that helped with half of her bodily functions. She had lost so much weight that she was swimming in the night gown she wore. Her skin, which used to glow a lovely chocolate color tone was greyed, stretched tight over limbs and bones. Her long black hair had been long gone, and a silk scarf covered her bald head. Her dim eyes of black didn't hide the pain she was in and her grip on Carlos's hand was weak, so weak.

Carlos was afraid he would break her.

"I'm tired…" Isabella whispered, smiling fondly at Carlos, "I'm so tired, of treatments, of tests, of what-ifs. I'm tired of seeing my child come into the hospital room, scared to hug me, to talk to me, as though I would break. No more, Carlos, I want to go home, I want to be surrounded by everyone that loves me and I want to die, with you holding me, let me have this."

"Isabella," Carlos croaked, his eyes filling with tears, "Please…you can't leave me."

"I'll never leave you, my love," Isabella laced her fragile fingers with her husbands' and sighed, "I'll always have a place in your heart, no matter what."

Carlos leaned his head against their entwined fingers and then he asked, in a broken voice, "What do you want to do?"

"I want to be out of this hospital today, the doctor gave me the info to an excellent hospice care nursing staff," Isabella seemed to be satisfied at Carlos's question, "They said they'll be at the house, as soon as I get there, no hospital beds, minimal hospital equipment. I die on my own terms."

"What happened, after your wife left the hospital?" Nate asked Carlos, who smiled fondly to himself, "Was it…better than you expected?"

"It was, actually," Carlos sighed, looking at the man, "It very much was, she seemed to look better, feel better, in her own bed. I would find her and Heidi cuddling in bed, sleeping sometimes. I never saw her be more at peace with this."

"Carlos, you told me you didn't do palliative care," Nate gave the man a crooked smile, "You did, in your own way. You told her she had looked to be in peace, the idea about palliative care is more than making sure the person is comfortable up to their death, it's about the person accepting death. It's about them keeping their dignity, letting them die with dignity."

Carlos leaned forward, his knuckles digging into his cheeks. He thought about the last moment he had with Isabella, on the beach, on a blanket, holding her tightly as the sun began to rise. Heidi had been with them, Isabella wanted her daughter and husband beside her. The small family had held one another until Isabella's head had lulled to the side and she slipped away, a smile on her face.

She had looked so at peace, like she was sleeping. Heidi hadn't screamed or cried, either. She had looked at Carlos and said, with a small smile, "I'm glad momma died like this, with us."

"Yeah, she-she died with dignity, surrounded by the ones who loved her the most," Carlos felt tears blur his vision, "I'm scared, I want to be greedy with Heidi, what happens if she doesn't get better?"

"That fear is a legitimate fear, Carlos," Nate said, nodding his head, "But, I have a question for you, what do you think Heidi would want, if she had to choose?"

"I don't know," Carlos confessed, his eyes closed, "I really don't know, Nate."

"That's okay, between you finding new ways to cope with a situation you've found yourself in for a second time, it will be a tough question to ponder on," Nate smiled, before sipping his tea, "I think we can wrap this session up, I'll see you, in person, next week, for now, enjoy your New Year's eve and day and hug your daughter an extra time."

Nate waved to Carlos and then ended the session. Carlos rubbed his eyes and then closed the laptop and then stood, walking out his room and stepping outside. He sat down in a comfy chair and looked over to the pool. A fond, half smile made its way to his face as he thought about the night swim he had with Stephanie.

She was right, she needed to get things sorted out. He was now, but still, it ached, it hurt to think he would now have to deal with the emotions from Isabella's death and Heidi's illness. He now had to deal with his thoughts of Stephanie as well.

His declaration to her, he hadn't been lying, Stephanie was worth it, she was worth him. He loved Isabela, will always love her, but she wouldn't want him to not move on. She would have told him it wouldn't be fair to their child to see this unhealthy grip he had on her nor was it fair on him to try to chase after the past.

Carlos basked in the warmth of the desert sun and then got up, making his way out of the room and into the children's penthouse to find that they were all in the bedroom, room service trays holding the remains of their lunches, stacked neatly to the side.

Heidi was fast asleep, curled around the giant sea turtle plushie she just had to have. Diesel, Brittany and Lester were on a bed, with a deck of cards in the man's hands. He shuffled the card and gave Diesel a critical look.

"Alright, look kid," Lester said, "There are 12 face cards, 4 Aces and 4 10s. These are very important cards," he began to pass out a card to the boy and girl, "So let's get started!"

Carlos ran a hand over Heidi's head, leaning down and whispered to her, "I love you, Bella," before going over to the group, watching them learn how to play blackjack, "Diesel, kid, you ready for this afternoon?"

"I hope," Diesel looked at his card and then he looked to Lester, "Hit me!"

"You have 17, you're going to-" Brittany started but Lester tossed out a queen, "Buuuuuust!"

"Argh!" Diesel tossed his body back on the bed and covered his face, "I'm going to lose all the money!"

TBC….

"Dress code is James Bond-esq," Brittany said, as she fixed the sleeve to her black dress and turned to Diesel, "Your tie is crooked…come here."

"I hate suits. Heidi ,talk some sense in Brittany, why do we have to dress like we're going to a ball?" Diesel whined but let Brittany fix his silk bow tie.

"Come on, Diesel, it'll be fun, I love this already!" Heidi herself was dressed in a soft golden floor length gown that was a bit too big for her, Stephanie and Lula had to discreetly pin it up for her, "We look like we're ready to take on the world!"

Diesel looked over to himself in the mirror and posed, well he did like the soft grey coloring of the suit, but the dress shoes sort of pinched his toes! Oh well, he couldn't deny that he was excited! He was going to a casino, and he was going to gamble loads of money!

"You played with Lester over like 300 times," Heidi patted Diesel's arm as the trio linked arms with one another and left the room, "You're going to be fine and win loads of money from poker and blackjack!"

"Hell yeah!" Diesel turned to Brittany and Heidi and held out both arms, saying, "Ladies…please let me escort you to the casino."

It was an enjoyable afternoon and evening. They spent most of it in the Casino, every one of them dressed to the nines, as if they were going out to a formal affair, per Heidi's request, with Kevin discreetly handing hefty 'tips' to the staff to not ask why these adults, with perfectly legal adult IDs looked younger than 16 playing at the gambling tables. The only ones to join the kids on their gambling spree was Lester and Jeanne. Jeanne only spent a little money, while Lester dropped a large figure on the blackjack tables and won it back with a little to spare.

"How'd you do that?" Diesel asked, as Lester took his mountain of chips and decided to call it a game, "Hey, I thought I was suppose to be the expert at this game?"

"I taught you, son," Lester said as he shrugged, tugging at his tie, a sly look on his face, "Besides, unlike you, I actually do know how to count cards."

"Fair…I guess," Diesel rumbled as he looked at his dwindling pile of case, "This sucks balls, after this, I'm not ever gambling again."

"Good, it'll rot your brain if you do," Carlos said to the boy, watching him sweat as the dealer shuffled, "Remember, the house always wins."

"Wait, I thought Gramps was bribing the house for us to win?" Diesel pouted, making everyone laugh, "Hey, isn't he?"

"To experience Las Vegas," Tank said, looking down at the boy, "In real form, you gotta lose everything."

"I'm never coming back here again," Diesel rubbed his eye and then looked to Heidi and was upset at the pile of chips she had, "How did you win all of that?"

"Luck, I guess, I don't know," The girl had shrugged and then smiled, "Oh wait…Uncle Lester is my uncle."

When all of Diesel's money was gone ("Wow, 500,000k lost in 4 hours?") The three children were bouncing with excitement away from the adults as a server came with their gin and tonics. They raised their glasses and Brittany had toasted, "To us, to a hell of a vacation and to Diesel being bad at gambling!"

"Here-hey!" Diesel had whined but Heidi had giggled before they all took a sip of their drinks.

Which they promptly spat back into their glasses. With faces twisted in disgusts and demands for milkshakes and sodas instead.

"Well, guess we ain't gonna find empty beer cans in their rooms," Lula had commented, watching the children complain about how nasty their drinks were, "Why gin and tonic?"

"I think that's all they knew," Stephanie said, as she sipped her apple juice, "That's all they spoke about during their Blackjack lesson."

"Good, let them think that's how all booze taste like, that way-" Jeanne started of, shaking her head, "They don't find out some might be tasty and they actually like it."

The adults agreed and watched fondly as the children drink fancy milkshakes out martini glasses and pretended to be drunk. They were already fond of weed, no need to add more to that list.

They ate at the other restaurant, enjoying delicious food and bobbing their heads to the live band that played. Even though they didn't go out to see the Strip, they all had a very enjoyable time at the resort. They finished their night by watching a movie with the adults and then Stephanie and Lula, once again, ushered the children into the bedroom and tucked them into bed.

When the adults were in their room and it was sort quiet around. Brittany sat up in her bed and rummaged around for the baggie of LSD. She swore and cursed to herself when she couldn't find it and then laid back in the bed, with a huff, staring up at the stone ceiling, crossing her arms.

"Psst, Brittany," said girl turned her head, to see Heidi sitting up in the bed, looking at her, "Brittany…"

"Manoso, what?" Brittany sat up as well, arms still folded, "Aren't you tired?"

"Not really, okay, yeah but…I have a morning appointment with the new mental doctor," Heidi climbed out her bed and walked over to Brittany's and climbed in it, "You talked to him today, how was he?"

"Better than Miss Glenn, by eons and eons," Brittany said as Heidi sat crossed legged before her, "You'll be fine, he's a cool dude, so go back to sleep and dream about unicorns or whatever."

"I have another question," Heidi said, leaning forward, "Besides the very vocal anti-gay agenda she had, was there another reason why everyone hated Miss. Glenn?"

Brittany grumbled and looked away from Heidi and said, "nosy aren't we?"

"Very," Heidi agreed as Brittany rolled her eyes in the dim light, "Come on, tell, I'll keep it a secret…"

"Heh," the girls turned to see Diesel sitting up in his bed and then he was over on the bed with them, "Come on, Brittany, just tell her, it's pretty juicy, all hush-hush, Brittany almost got kicked out of the hospital!"

"Really..what?" Heidi turned to Brittany, who was giving Diesel the stink eyes, "Come, what happened, did you try to push Miss. Glenn down some stairs."

"No…"

"Did you spread a rumor that she had the clap?"

"Noooo…."

"Did you-" Heidi started but Brittany held a hand up, giving the girl a look.

"A girl deleted herself because of me," Brittany said, leaning back against her pillows, eyes closed. Damn she could have really used that LSD, "Well, that's what Miss. Glenn said, it wasn't true."

"Uh…what?" Heidi turned to Diesel, who nodded his head and then jerked his head to Brittany.

"Yeah, it was…pretty bad," Diesel said, rubbing the back of his head, "I remember, it happened like almost a year after I came to the ward."

"What in the hell happened?" Heidi hissed, shaking one of Brittany's knee, "Brittany, spill!"

"So, there was this girl, we'll call her Vicky, she rolled into the ward maybe….3 months before me. She had some lung cancer, idk," Brittany shrugged, tossing her hands up, "That's what she told me...when I showed up. Anyways, when I join the ward, it was her and two other Walking Deads, they died about two weeks before came, actually. Vicky, she was, well, she wasn't coping with her cancer, I say that lightly. She was causing trouble, picking fights and when she got to know me and found out I was lesbian, well, I became her favorite target."

Brittany felt around more for that LSD but couldn't find it, so she gave up, and continued her story, "Yeah, she was mean, called me slurs, stole my stuff, when she found out I was rich, tried to get the other kids against me, the works. She made the Blue Room hell for me, and then to add oil to the fire, the old therapist quits, had had enough of Vicky and her ways. Miss Glenn gets hired and she finds out that Vicky has a quest to make my days in the Blue Room hell, so she joins in on it."

"That sounds horrible, why-why would anyone be that mean?" Heidi shook her head, confused, "I mean, what did they stand to gain from it?"

Brittany's face darkened and she said in a low voice, "So she Spends almost half a year and some change, telling lies, bad mouthing and getting help from Miss. Glenn. The other kids wanted nothing to do with me, joined in on the bullying and made health worse," the girl closed her eyes and then said, "But then….Diesel came."

"You say that like it's a bad thing, rude," Diesel huffed and puffed, but then settled down.

"Yeah, he comes in, he looks healthy as fuck, fit as a fiddle, goofy looking face, and matching attitude to boot," Brittany dodged the pillow the boy threw at her, "So, everyone likes him, until he finally eeks out why he's in the Seriously Illness Ward…"

"Testicular cancer," Diesel sighed, lay back in on the bed, "Broken balls," he rubbed his face, frustrated, "Those little shits were mean!"

"Yeah, poor Diesel, he became the butt of every joke," Brittany said, shaking her head, "Poor kid, almost 16, dealing with cancer and had to deal with these rude fuckers? I stepped in and you know, got to know Diesel and he's pretty alright, actually."

Diesel puffed his chest out with happiness and Heidi giggled. Brittany pushed on, "We became fast friends, we were both lonely, we both liked looking at boobs and we both liked getting high and getting in trouble. It was great! Nothing the other dick heads would do, could bring us down. And then we started retaliating with harmless pranks, I swear, they harmless. Hiding the remote, tossing their shoes in the laundry backet, unscrewing their salt and pepper shakers."

"I guess that's innocent…" Heidi mumbled, looking at the two snigger to one another in glee.

"Yeah, turned out Vicky didn't like us being buddy-buddy…hated it in fact," Brittany's face got serious once again. "So one day, I'm out, going to sneak down to the cafeteria to get some ice cream and Vicky accosts me in some empty room."

"Did she beat you up?" Heidi asked, making Brittany look at her, "Sounds like the perfect scene to get a beating."

"No, she told me to stop being friends with Diesel, why would he want to be friends with you, you're this…you're that…blah-blah-bal," Brittany made a talking motion with her hands, "I had had enough by then, with this bitch and I told her that I didn't give a fuck what she and her little posse did, Diesel and I would still be friends and she could get fucked, if she had a problem with it."

"She did have a problem with it alright," Diesel looked away, tugging at his t-shirt collar, "A big problem…"

"What did she have a crush on Diesel and was jealous of Brittany?" Heidi looked between the two.

"No, she had a crush on me and was jealous of Diesel being my friend," Heidi jerked back, her eyes big with shock, "Yeah! Me too!" Brittany waved her hands in the air, "Shocked me dumb and then the bint tried to kiss me then and there!"

"Obviously you rejected, her right?" Brittany nodded her head, "Good!"

"I told I wouldn't touch her with a 200 foot pole and if she ever tried to do anything like that, I would file a restraining order," Brittany shook her head, looking over to Diesel, "I went and told Diesel and he laughed himself silly."

"I swear…all the girls in that room were closeted," Diesel shook his head, "Vicky, the one who made Brittany's life hell, in love with her, like some kind of shitty ass soap opera."

"Okay…yeah, weird, you're right but what about Miss. Glenn, how in the hell did she come to dislike you so much?" Heidi asked.

"Vicky wasn't the only one having conflicts with their sexuality, Miss. Glenn was too and she happened to like Vicky," Diesel said, whistling softly, "Damn, That group session where Brittany told Vicky to fuck off and Vicky ran out crying, I thought Miss. Glenn was going to swing at Brittany."

"Didn't even do nothing," Brittany hissed, but them both Diesel and Brittany grew somber.

"What…? What happened?"

"So like…uh Vicky…during a big party in the ward, she uh…um..she wasn't in her right mind in the weeks following that rejection and I bet Miss. Glenn wasn't any help either," Diesel took the lead to finish the story, "Well, all of us sort of healthy ones were in the courtyard, for a cookout, and then we hear some crying and then we heard a noise I would never like to hear again in my life."

Brittany ran a hand over her bald head and Diesel rubbed his neck, looking away, "Vicky left a note saying how 'she' ruined everything and how Vicky couldn't cope between the cancer and the weird love triangle."

"Line!" Brittany glared at Diesel, "I did not like that woman, there was no 'me' in that shape! I hated her! how is a 20 year old going to be a mean girl to me?!"

"Yeah, well Miss. Glenn had swore up and down Brittany made Vicky do it, Vicky had always called her crying. Had always cried about Brittany rejecting her," Diesel said, shaking his head, "The only wrench in the machine of a story she was trying to assemble was that Brittany and I were always together, Lula, when she first started her internship at the hospital caught Vicky and her little crew bullying Brittany and chewed her the fuck out and also, Miss. Glenn had called Brittany a not so very nice name and all th staff had heard. Yeah, no one believed her."

"And they shouldn't have, cause I didn't like Vicky!" Brittany hissed, "She had gotten the law involved, wanted me to get in trouble, but it was all one sided, so the hospital made her drop it. She never stopped being frosty to Brittany after that."

Heidi looked between the two, with wide eyes and then said, shaking her head, "I am so glad I came to the ward AFTER that shit!"

Diesel and Brittany snorted with humor at that statement and then the children spent more time chatting, before heading off to sleep. Heidi was so glad Diesel and Brittany had been nice to her. She couldn't imagine having to deal with what those two had to deal with and fight cancer.

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

"Yeah, my mom's pregnant with my younger sibling, they want to see if they can do the blood thing and like..I feel guilty," Diesel confessed to Nate, who nodded his head, "I feel bad, like they did IVF and everything because they were desperate to save me, I feel like that baby is going to be like nothing but a tool for me to get better and the guilt…"

"Yeah, a lot of older siblings in your shoes, feel like that," Nate said, his voice full of understanding, "But do you know, parents go through mental consulting before things like IVF."

"No, why?" Diesel shaking his head, "I didn't I just thought…like some doctor just put the things needed to make a baby together and bam, knock my mom up."

"Well, IVF can come with its own host of issues," Nate said, "Which is why there's always meetings before anything happens. How about this, why don't you ask your parents why they did it, see what they say, alright, it's very important to try to talk to them, Diesel."

"Yeah…I know, but..I feel shame, who wants to talk about having testicular cancer," Diesel's cheeks redden and his looked away, "My parents say it's fine, to please talk to them but like…ugh, I feel like it's hard to. That's the issue too, my cancer is as bad as it now cause I didn't tell anyone, guess I'm lucky Deda found me on the floor."

"Diesel, you're a teenager, and talking about certain body parts, is going to be challenge, hell, even grownups have problems talking about issues and ailments in sensitive parts too," Nate nodded his head, "But you can start now, and slowly work up to it, it's for your health and safety, after all, kid."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Diesel smiled and looked at the therapist, "Hey, you're pretty cool, Brittany and Heidi weren't lying about you!"

"I…try my best, hey now, it's almost 5PM, I heard you all are going to the Strip to do some New Years Eve activities," Diesel perked up and nodded his head, "Yeah, well, let's end here and next week, in person, we can talk about how to communicate to your parents."

"Thanks, Nate," Diesel smiled, standing, "Happy New Years!"

"You do, Diesel," The doctor waved to the boy and ended the session and Diesel ran out the unused room and over to where the group was getting ready for tonight, "New Years Eve in Las Vegas?! We're really living it up!"

"Yeah, I wanted to end this year with a bang, with my friends," Brittany smiled as Jeanne finished tying her scarf, "Gramps got us reservations at the super expensive seafood place and then we can watch the fireworks at the Strip, but we have to be back before it gets way to crowded," Brittany rolled her eyes to Jeanne, "Doctor's orders."

"Hey, who cares, it's a vacation, every where we've been has been a blast," Diesel smiled to his friend, earning a weak smile, "Hey Heidi, hurry up, you got the adults waiting over here."

Diesel was in a good mood. He had been happy when his parents had called him, the first day in Vegas and said that Dr. Jeanne had told them earlier about the trip and they had been fine with it. He was having a grand time, even though he lost all the money Brittany had given him and found out that booze wasn't really that delicious, like the movies made them out to be.

Though meeting his favorite comedian of all time had been the best highlight. He was still floating on cloud 9. He couldn't wait to show his things off to his parents and well…to the other staff at the hospital.

Cancer had killed his social like and having ball cancer had buried it six feet under. Before he knew about his cancer, he had been popular at the prep school he had gone to in D.C. He had so many friends, involved with so many events. He had been signing up to join the swim team, he had the perfect life.

And then one day he got up, in pain and was told his bits were broken. His friends, hearing about how he had cancer were great. They made him feel normal, at school and though he couldn't join the swim team like he wanted to, he could enjoy other clubs. It wasn't a bad cancer either, well that's what he thought before the results came back from the biopsy.

When his friends had found out it was testicular cancer, it had been mocked viciously and he had been too. They had never heard about that cancer, how did he get it? Was it contagious, was he going to cross dress now, less of man now..it had been awful for him. He lost all his friends and people avoided him at school. He finally had to beg his parents to pull him for online classes. When the grim results came back, the Vashmens hunted around for a suitable hospital for their child, and found the Trenton's Children's Hospital with their star doctor, Dr. Jeanne Ellen Barrows.

He was admitted into the hospital a few months later. If he thought his ex-friends at school were bad, those kids in the Blue room where worse, when they found out about his cancer. It was so bad that he hadn't wanted to leave his room.

Well that was until Brittany walked up to him and asked if he liked porn. Hell yeah he liked porn. She had taken him to her room and together they had ogled at skin magazines and bonded over Ms. August and her natural double G's.

Life in the Blue room got so much better and then he found out they both enjoyed pot and it got even better! He had made a close friend who didn't care about his cancer and was pretty much just like him. Yeah, he had a crush on Brittany but, it wasn't about to get in the way of their friendship!

Nothing would!

Diesel weaved his arm through Brittany's and smiled at her, as they snagged Heidi and led out her out for a night of munchies, food and fireworks.

"We're going to eat so much lobster," Diesel muttered to the two, earning a nod from each girl, "And prime rib, right?"

"Hell yeah!"

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

"That had been amazing, you can still hear all the fireworks," Heidi jumped on the couch beside Diesel as the countdown to the New Year was playing on the TV, "Wow, this has been such an amazing trip, thank you Brittany and Gramps, this was like a dream come true."

"Yeah," Diesel agreed as Lester and Lula came into the living area, Lula holding sparkling cider for the kids and Lester had champagne for the adults, "Brittany, I didn't know you liked us this much."

"Hey, you guys have grown on me, even that stick in the mud Manoso over there," Brittany sniffed as Heidi squeaked, "Hey!"

"Too bad about losing that LSD, would have been cool to trip on it, right? I bet you would have been dancing naked on the table, Brittany," Heidi shook her head, while Diesel snickered, "And Diesel would have tried to get back to the otters to make out with them."

"Hey! Oi, take that back, Manoso!" Diesel puffed, before he elbowed her playfully and then looked to a sullen Brittany, "Brittany, she was just joking, you know…what's up, you've been moody for almost the whole trip."

"It's nothing, just…mad about the LSD and that gin and tonics are disgusting," the girl turned to the two as Stephanie and Carlos came out holding New Year's gear, "Oh fuck…."

"Come on, everyone grab a hate, and some dorky glassed, let's bring in the New Years with tacky style and join the countdown!"

"One glass only Lula and Stephanie, we got sick kids to think about," Jeanne said as Lester popped the cork and began to pour glassed, "But anyways…let's toast!"

"To the New Year and new adventures," Diesel held up his sparkling cider, "Let's make the most of it!"

"To good fortune!" Lula said, with a wink, "I think I celebrated a bit early with my luck!"

"To going through life and celebrating the victories," Carlos looked to Heidi and hugged her, "To being strong!"

"To tossing out the shit to let in better things," Lester winked to Stephanie and Carlos.

"To Mr. Santos getting his ass kicked only twice this years," Stephanie growled, making everyone laugh.

"To our wealth and our health," Kevin said and everyone raised their glasses higher, except Brittany, who looked away.

"And to Brittany, who's going home! I'm so happy for you! You deserve it!" Heidi cheered to the girl, who went stiff, "Since you know…I took your spot, you're going home! You beat your illness."

"Cheers to that!' Diesel whooped, wrapping an arm around Brittany's neck to hug her, "Congrats, you'll bag yourself a cute girl, and make your parents scream murder!"

The adults grew quiet as the two children cheered for Brittany, who was still stiff. In the background the countdown began. Sensing something off, Diesel let go of his friend and said, "Hey, Brittany, you're going home, no more Blue Room, no more cancer right."

"Yeah, you know what no more illness, no more chemo, or trials," Brittany said, her eyes had a bright shine to them as she lifted her glass up, "No more hospital food, or pain, or any of that shit! Right?! RIGHT?!"

She began to laugh, looking around at the group. She turned to Diesel and Heidi and said, "Yeah, congrats me, I won! I beat it! Beat what you asked? My body, I beat my body! The only way I'm leaving the Blue Room is in a fucking body bag! I'm not cured! Far from it, I have like 2-5 months to live, I'm nothing but living cancer! This isn't some celebration vacation, it's a vacation to make me forget that I'm living on borrowed time! It's like Make A Wish on Crack!"

The group jumped as she hurled her glass at the wall, making it shatter and she screamed, "Happy fucking New Year, everyone, I'll most likely be dead before May!"

Brittany's shoulders trembled and she let out a weak sob before ran out the room and into the outdoor sitting area. Heidi slowly sat down in a chair, weak and Diesel sat down beside her shaking his head. Kevin, left to go check on Brittany, while Tank Lula called someone to come clean up the glass mess.

"Papi-Steph," Heidi looked at the adults, as they place comforting hands on her and Diesel, "She's joking right? She's gonna get better, right?"

"Yeah, y-you know Brittany, with her shitty jokes," Diesel added lamely, his eyes far away, "S-she was lying, right Dr. Gina?"

Jeanne looked over to the adults, sighed and then walked over to them and crouched before them, grabbing their hands.

"I-I wish it was true but, her cancer is too advanced, she's at stage 4, it's everywhere, she has more cancer cells than healthy cell," Jeanne placed a hand on Diesel's face as he let out a sob, " It's okay, Diesel, We're going to make things comfortable for her, until that time comes."

"W-why didn't she tell us, when she found out?" Diesel stuttered, "We're her friends, damn it, we-how long has she been sitting on it, Doc?"

"About a month, though…most likely was bad earlier," Jeanne's response had Heidi crying, "It wasn't my place to tell you both, I'm so sorry."

"Hey," Stephanie turned Diesel and Heidi to her and she gave them a smile, it was weak one, "You know what Brittany really needs right now?"

"That LSD she lost?' Heidi sobbed, earning a nod from Diesel.

"That would be pleasant," Carlos stepped in, as the children's responses had Stephanie stuttering, "But, right now, she could use her two good friends for some comfort. She could use some support, it's okay to cry and it's more than okay to give her some of your strength."

Diesel wiped at his eyes and then turned to Heidi and grabbed her hand, "We're going to grab Brittany and be in the bedroom, Happy New Years…Heidi will come and tell you when we're ready to go to bed, Nurse Jackie…Lula."

"Acid…" Lester looked at the retreating kids, "They were going to drop acid?"

"I need for that attitude to never change," Jeanne said, sitting on the couch and looking at her hands, "I need for Brittany and for those two to keep on doing what they're doing…"

"I don't think I would even blink twice if they decided to do coke," Carlos finally said, as he placed a hand on Stephanie's shoulder, "Steph."

She watched the three, gods, they looked so frail and weak, children climb into one bed, with Brittany in between them. They held on to each other as Kevin covered them with a blanket and said some words to them. The older man left them in the room and then Heidi and Diesel were busy talking to Brittany who had buried her face in Heidi's chest. Stephanie's throat closed up and she managed to whisper something to Carlos.

"I would give the world for them not to deal with this," Stephanie confessed as she sat down on the couch, "Not these kids…not my kids."

TBC...

I tried to write Nate as someone to soften the blow in these next few chapters. Please drop a review, feedback is always welcomed!