I made this one-shot in tribute of one of the most most unique human beings I have ever met.
Julie Bean
Max Murphy had arrived at KND Moonbase, ready for another fun day of duty. He whistled a casual tune as he marched onto the bridge.
"MAX is here! Hi, Max!"
A high, nasally voice called across the room. Max looked over, seeing his favorite rooster waddling over to him. She wore glasses and a bib with a jellybean image. "Hi, Julie Bean!" Max called happily.
"Christmas Bean! Hey hey, guess who's here? Pony's here!" She pointed over to Perry Uno as he was walking by. "Hi, Pony!"
"Heh, hi, Julie." Perry waved with a chuckle.
"He likes me. He said he likes the Juicester."
"He does?" Max asked.
"Yeah, ask him."
"Hey Perry, you like the Juicester?"
"Of course I do!" Perry beamed. "Anyway, I'll be in my office."
"He he; he's going to see his Boogeyman." Julie informed.
"Oh, the Boogeyman?" Max inquired.
"Yeah, his name is Christina. Awwww, look at that doggy." Julie pointed at a girl playing with her puppy.
"Yeah, dogs are cute."
"That's your girlfriend?"
"No way! I'm a cat person."
"You have a cat? What's his name?"
"Her name's Cherry. She's six years old."
"F-First grade?"
"Yep!"
"You tell Cherry you like me, or you hate me?"
"I told her I like you, of course!"
"What she say?"
"She said 'meow.'"
"D'aww, cats do that. Oh, hey, it's Marshmallow!" She called over to Marty Gilligan. "Hey Marshmallow, you goin' on a date with his Cherry Cat?"
"What?" Marty asked, baffled by the sudden question.
"You're going out with a first grader! WUH HA HA HA!" Julie cracked up at her joke.
"Oh, geez." Marty sighed, walking away.
"Aw, he's shy."
"Yeah, he is." Max nodded.
"Y-Ya hate me, right?"
"WHAT?! Where did that come from?!"
"Ya like me?"
"Yeah!"
"'Cause we're friendsies!"
"Yeah, we're Fish-Food Frenzy!" Max cheered.
"Aww, look at that dog." Julie acknowledged the girl's puppy again. "That's Perry's girlfriend."
"What happened to the Boogeyman?"
"H-he-he's got a hundred million dollars."
"A hundred million?!"
"Yeah, that's nice I am?"
"I guess so, Julie Bean!"
"He's a rich woman!"
"He IS a rich woman!"
"Yeah, and her name is Doggy."
Max hacked out spit in his laughter, taken off guard by the sudden rebound. "Ah-ah-I'm funny?"
"You are VERY funny!" Max affirmed.
"Hey, when I say 'Marty,' a-a-and Cherry Cat, h-he walk away?"
"Yeah, he's shy."
"H-He's a shy man. Hey, it's Sergeant! Hi, Sergeant!" She called to Star Winkiebottom.
"Hi, Julie Bean. Is Perry here?"
"H-h-he's at the North Pole, datin' his Boogeyman."
"His what?" Star cocked a brow.
"Yeah, her name is Christina."
"Christina?!" Max exclaimed. "That's our cousin!"
"P-P-Perry's on a date with his cousin! Guh ha ha ha ha ha!" Julie cracked up.
"Right, so, is he in his office?" Star asked.
"Yeah, on the toilet."
"Thanks, Julie Bean." Star walked to the office.
"BOO!" Max smacked her back!
"HUFF, CHRISTINA!" Julie yelped. "Hey hey, 'boo!' means you like me?"
"It sure does, Julie Bean!"
"Hey, you go on a mission yesterday?"
"Yeah, just had to bust some bad guys."
"J-J-J-Jack Frost."
"Yeah, I had to stop Jack Frost."
"Yeah, t-t-t-tell Jack Frost go back to the North Pole."
"Yeah, get outta here, Jack!"
"Yeah, or we're gonna have ta fight the Jack Frost War."
"Not the Jack Frost War!"
"Yeah, k-kill Jack Frost, that's smart I am?"
"I think Jack Frost is already dead, Julie Bean."
"J-J-Jack Frost dead, bring back summer!"
"Yay, I love summer!"
"And wear your bikini~"
"Sure, Julie Bean, I'll wear my bikini."
"A-and tell Pony and Sergeant to wear their bikinis."
"Okay." Max approached the office and opened the door. "Hey, Perry, Star, wear your bikinis!"
"Huhu huhuhuhuhu!" Julie laughed. Perry sported a chuckle while Star sighed. "Hey, it's Kenny Rogers, hi, Kent!" She called to Kent Taylor.
"Ah, hey, Julie Bean."
"He's going to Barbie's Dream House!"
"He is?" Max asked.
"Hey hey, make sure to wear your bikini!"
"Okay, Julie Bean." Kent continued about his business.
"H-he, he wants to see his Barbie."
"Oh, he does, does he?" Max smirked.
"Yeah, h-he's gonna deliver her baby."
"Oh my, really?!"
"Yeah, fifty of them."
"FIFTY BABIES?!"
"Yeah, and they're all named Christina; that's nice I am?"
"Man, that's a lot of Christinas!"
"Th-th-they're goin' on a date with Pony."
"Perry can't date his cousins!"
"D'aw, come on, Perry, g-get with the program!"
"Yeah, don't be silly, Perry!"
"Perry's going on a date with your Cherry Cat?"
"Apparently."
"They're gonna have kittens!"
"Cool!"
F-Five hundred of them."
"500 kittens?!"
"I-In your bedroom."
"MY BEDROOM?!"
"And there's gonna be 100 spiders, a-and 100 snakes, and lions, i-in your shower."
Max stomped into the office and yelled, "Perry, don't put all those animals in my bedroom!"
"Will you stop interrupting us?" Star asked.
"H-he's putting 100 spiders in your bed, I don't do that." Julie said.
"I know you don't, Julie Bean."
"Is that nice I am?"
"Of course it is, Julie!"
"Hey, we need a toilet in the elevator."
"We do?"
"Yeah, so, s'when we get the elevator, just sit down, and use the toilet! Is that smart I am?"
"That's very smart, Julie Bean!"
"Ya hate me?"
"No, Julie!"
"You picked me? Whatcha say?"
"I said, 'This is a very peculiar person.'"
"You say, 'I like this Rooster'!"
"Yeah, I had ta get me some of that Juicester!"
"I'm a nice Juicester?"
"You sure are a nice Juicester!"
"I-I'm a nice pet~"
"Oh great, it's the Nerd Squad." remarked Christina Uno, approaching the duo while munching a hotdog.
"Hi, Christina! Hey hey, that hotdog, that's your boyfriend?"
"Yep, this is mah boyfriend." Chris twirled the meat. "Gonna stick him right down my gullet~"
"W-with your bikini on."
"Oh, shut up, Julie." Christina marched away.
Julie turned back to Max. "Hey, she tell the Rooster to shut up."
"She did?"
"You, you never do that, right?"
"No!"
"'Cause ya like me!"
"Yeah, I do!"
"Hey, hey, ya-"
Koda Ramsey was blowing up a balloon. Julie gasped and ducked. …He finished the balloon and wrapped it shut. Julie cocked her head up and looked around cautiously. Thinking it was safe, she resumed, "Hey, Perry, Christina, th-th-they're goin' on a date with-"
Koda puffed up another balloon. Julie gasped and ducked. He finished the balloon and wrapped it shut. Julie cocked her head up and looked around cautiously. Thinking it was safe, she resumed, "Hey, hey, when you go on missions, you don't get to see me, that's not fair?"
"No, that's not fair?"
"Just, t-tell Perry, I wanna see my Rooster."
"Yeah, I wanna see my Juicester!"
"Hey, come on people, get with the progr-"
POP!
"OH, GOSH!" Julie flapped her wings and scurried away. Max followed after her and caught up. Julie turned back around and said, "C-C-Coin is making bombs."
"Yeah, Coin is making bombs."
"Hey, Perry's gonna fight the Jack Frost War."
"Oh, he's going to war, huh?"
"Yeah, to bring back summer, that's nice I am?"
"How did you factor into that statement?"
"Hey, what time you goin' home?"
"About eight." Max answered.
"In the morning."
"Sí."
"Seadog."
"Sea rabbits."
"Sea McDonalds."
"Sea Frisch's."
"That's Perry's boy-girlfriend."
"His boy-girlfriend?"
"Huhuhuhuhuhu!" Julie chortled. "Aww, look at that doggy." She pointed at the puppy again. "That's a cute."
"Yes, that is a 'cute.'"
"Her name's McDonald's."
"That's your boyfriend?"
"No, Pillsbury Doughboy."
"You gonna get married?" Max wondered.
"Yeah, h-have your honeymoon in the closet."
"Oh, that sounds romantic!"
"Yeah, p-put in a nice bed, and a toilet, and sleep in the closet!"
"That sounds sweet!"
"Sweet like a monkey."
"Bye, Max, bye, Julie." Star said as he began to leave.
"Tony the Tiger." Julie perked up and turned to him. "Hey, where ya goin', Star?"
"I'm going back to H.Q.."
"You off to see your girlfriend, Santa Claus?"
"Not really?"
"Hey hey, Star, don't be afraid of Juicester, I don't bite."
"Yeah, she doesn't bite." Max supported.
"I, I bite the Boogeyman."
"Yeah, she'll bite the Boogeyman."
"I protect people."
"Yeah, she's a security rooster!" Max beamed.
"I'm a nice pet~"
"Right…" Star said with disbelief. "Take care, you two." He continued on his way.
"He, he's going to see his girlfriend, the Boogeyman. His wife is Jack Frost."
"Oh, Star's got a lot of girlfriends."
"And they're all named Christina."
"Hey, Julie, wanna help Frasmine wipe down the computers?" Perry asked, exiting his office.
"Okay, Grandpa. Bye Max, I'm gonna help French Fry." Julie Bean waddled away.
After she left, Max fell on his back. "Phew! Man, Julie's mental training gets more intense every day."
"You getting some new gag ideas?" Perry asked.
"I think so. By the way, Julie wanted me to tell you to get 500 spiders for Star's wedding."
"Who's he getting married to?"
"Jack Frost. And there's gonna be a hotdog-Reese Cup cake, I'll be the flower girl, and Isabelle can be the preacher."
"Who's the ring bearer?"
"McDonald's."
Like, quite honestly, Julie Bean is one of the oddest and funniest people I've ever talked to. Her brand of humor is so surreal and original, and I get some of it every week! She has so many comments and responses to different things, and even when she reuses the same jokes, she'll always find a way to flip them around in an unexpected way! I couldn't think of a good way to end this because it just goes on and on, and I find myself breathless trying to keep up with her! XD And one day, I start calling her "The Juicester," and she started identifying as a rooster. Only problem is it's impossible to have a normal conversation with her. Either way, she makes my work days a blast. X3 We all need a little Julie Bean in our diet.
"I'm a nice bean~" Julie grinned.