This chapter introduces my favorite character from the manga Gintama, which I've steadily been following! So far, it's a pretty funny series, but it sure is long, so we'll see if I stick with it. If nothing else, this girl is gonna keep me engaged. …Okay, the other characters are also really funny. XD
When You Run Someone Over, Serve Them Some Beef and Talk About Personal Issues
Onett was rarely a town for crime or chaos. Aside from petty school bullies, it was a town for taking it easy. At night, the townsfolk were bound to sleep soundly. "Shooo…shoooo…" Aria Conbolt's snores released gusts of rainbow wind. "Foooo…foooo…" Charmy Pappitson drooled, dreaming of her favorite meal. "Shup, shup, shup…shup, shup, shup…" Veronica's lips were so used to uttering 'shut up' that it affected her snoring. Since these three had no official homes in Onett, they rested in the treehouse.
"Kooo…kooo…koooo…" Karma Shiota was having a nice, private dream in his house. "Hmmm…hmmm…" Lucas Orson was moaning timidly. "Snooore…snooore…" And Ness Blakely slept cozily and-
BAAAAAAAM!
But no boy could sleep through a sound that intense. His heart rattling, Ness climbed out of bed, slipping on slippers. He wore pajamas with vertical blue and white stripes. Once out in the hallway, two other doors opened: his parents and little sister, Tracy. "Guessin' you kids felt that, too?" their father, Phil figured.
"Big Bro, what was that?" asked Tracy in worry. The 6-year had fluffy yellow hair with a red ribbon similar to her mom's. Her eyes were blue and she wore a red nightgown.
"I'm goin' to check it out." Ness decided.
"I'll go, too." Their mom, Kiki said. "Phil, call the other parents and see if they felt it."
"Got it."
The son and mother peeked outside the home, set over the hills that overlooked town. "There." Kiki pointed. Further up the small mountain, there was fire and smoke. The witch called over her broomstick, lifting Ness on as they took flight. The duo landed on the mountaintop, overlooking the fire and the wreckage within it. "It's… a ship?" Ness observed. It was a small craft that could only hold a few people, but the entry hatch had been knocked clean off. The two used their magic to create water, dousing the fire before it could worsen.
…
When daylight rose and the friends were fully awake, they all met to study the wreckage. "There are no bodies inside." Aria said. "Which means the pilot forced open the door and escaped. And you say you couldn't find anyone nearby?"
"No… though it was pretty dark." Ness replied. "Still, I figured if the pilot was injured from the impact, they couldn't have gotten far."
"Maybe this is a sign of an alien invasion!" Lucas shuddered, hands to his chin. "Aliens always attack humble towns like ours! We may be on the front lines of galactic war!"
"Geez, one little ship crashing doesn't mean anything like that." Karma said, lightly pounding the blonde's head. "If anything, whoever was on this was probably being chased and shot down. And maybe the enemies thought they succeeded, so they left. Or, it could just be an engine malfunction."
"Either way," Aria hammered a fist to her palm, a leaderlike stare in her blue eyes, "we should find who this ship belongs to! Maybe they've gone to the mechanic in Twoson to find parts to fix it?"
"Smart thinking, Ari!" Veronica smirked. "But I doubt they would've wanted to travel so late at night. Maybe they stayed at the hotel? We should go ask if anyone's been by."
"If you ask me," Charmy smiled euphorically, "that person ought to be real hungry, so they're probably visiting a restaurant, and they don't serve them like Meat King!"
"There's no way they went all the way to Fourside! You just wanna eat there!"
"Well, it IS breakfast."
"Hey! What's the LOSER Club doin' up here?!" a snotty, obnoxious voice asked.
They knew it could only belong to one person: a pudgy boy with a squished-up nose and blonde hair covering his eyes. He had a white shirt with blue overalls, which had only the left strap, and red shoes. "Um…hey, Porky." Lucas greeted meekly. (From Earthbound.)
"IT'S POKEY!" Lucas flinched his hands up in defense. "Word on the sidewalk says a UFO crashed up here! Is that your mothership or something? Ha ha!"
"We're not aliens, you jerk!" Aria argued.
"Actually, Veronica and I ARE aliens." Charmy corrected. "And Karma's half-alien."
"Yeah, but I was born on Earth."
"Case and point." Porky folded arms.
"Maybe this is your ship, Porkster." Karma joked. "Your pig people comin' back to get you."
"Pokey, have you seen anyone strange around?" Ness asked. "…Besides us, I mean?"
"Haha, you said my joke for me! Haha! Who're you talking about, anyway? You summon another loser with your dork arts?"
"Ya know what, we're done talking to you." Karma raised his foot. "Have a fun ride down." And he kicked Porky like a ball down the mountain.
"Spankety-spankety-spanketyyyyy…!"
"W-Was that really safe?" Lucas asked.
"He's as safe as a rubber ball!" Aria said confidently. "Anyway, let's split up and try to find the pilot! Karma and I will run to Twoson, Ness and Lucas can check the hotel, and Veronica and Charmy can ask the restaurants if anyone strange has been there."
"Don't be crazy!" Veronica shouted. "You know she's going to eat the whole place-"
"LET'S GO, VERNY!" Charmy grabbed her friend and dashed for the first restaurant!
"I better grab my bike." Karma smirked.
Ness and Lucas grabbed their bikes to get around quickly. They got no info from the hotel, and no one else around town had seen any strangers. "Big Bro? Why're you and Lukey running around everywhere?" Tracy approached from behind, riding a small training broom designed to stay close to the ground. She had a hat that read Escargo Express and a delivery bag attached to the broom.
"We're looking for whoever crashed that ship, sis. I don't suppose you've seen anyone strange?"
"Well, my boss told me about a strange customer the Twoson office got this morning. They tried to order an umbrella, but they told the customer that we can't get things for her and that she had to give us things to deliver. And the customer said, 'You guys suck. Amazon always gets me what I want, you're gonna lose customers if you keep that up.'"
"Boy, you're sure growing up, Tracy…" Lucas said, he and Ness staring at her awkwardly.
"They could've just bought an umbrella at the store." Ness figured. "Not that they'd need one, it's gonna be sunny all day. Still… it does sound pretty weird. Since we aren't getting leads here, let's just head up to Twoson, too, Lucas."
"I was gonna deliver something to Polestar Preschool!" Tracy said. "I'll come, too!"
"They really make you travel far, Tracy." Lucas replied.
"Well, someday, she'll be delivering farther than these four towns." Ness said. "We'll race ya! PK Speed!" The boys enchanted their bikes and Tracy's broom to zoom with the speed of motorcycles, Lucas crying as they flew up the valley road.
Charmy and Veronica visited the local restaurant, Oneatt. "No, we haven't seen any aliens or anyone unusual." The waitress answered.
"That crosses this place off." Charmy smiled. "Now I'll have one of everything, please."
"THAT'S TOO MUCH BREAKFAST!" Veronica bashed her head.
In Twoson, Karma was already racing around on his own motorbike, making swift, tight turns around the roads. "Not seeing any aliens, yet!" he grinned excitedly.
"Geez, take it easy, Karma!" Aria raced with him with the same on her own legs. "This isn't a race! Besides, the ship pilot could be human!"
"Yeah, yeah. We didn't get anything from the repair shop, so where do we look next?"
"I'd say just ask around, but we might need to consider they're hiding somew—whoa!" Aria realized she was running up to the back of a parked truck, so she got down and slid underneath. Karma, meanwhile, swerved around its left. The truck was stopped at a red light, but he didn't see much traffic, so he was sure he could make it. "Ah!" However, by the time Aria was through the underside, she saw a pair of black slippers passing the crosswalk, and once she was out, the person tripped on the sliding girl and stumbled forward. "Karma, watch-!"
"AAAH!" Karma rammed the person and came to a sudden halt, he and Aria looking horrifically at what they'd done. Luckily, the rest of traffic quickly stopped in fear of hitting the fallen girl. She had light, fair skin and short vermilion hair with black, yellow-lined ornaments on the sides. She wore a red Chinese cheongsam with yellow piping and black slip-ons, and she seemed to be a couple inches taller than Karma. Her arms and legs had a fair thickness to them. "Ohhhhhhh shit!" Karma quickly picked the girl up and carried her to the sidewalk. Aria grabbed the motorbike, its front dented, and followed him. "Hey! Are you alright?" Karma knelt and lay the girl down. "Y-You aren't… bleeding anywhere…"
"Uhhhhnn…" The girl weakly opened her eyes, a dull ocean-blue. "Do…do you…"
"Are you hurting anywhere?" Aria asked in worry and guilt. "I can heal you."
"Do you have… an umbrella?"
"…?" Her unusual request lifted a bit of the tension off their shoulders.
"Hey, do you? Nnnn, just get me into some shade." She raised her hands to shield her eyes. "It's way too bright today…" She probably would've sounded more whiny if not for the fatigue.
"Umbella." Aria aimed her wand up and conjured an umbrella-shaped shade, blocking the light.
"Nnnnn…" The girl sat herself up. "Thanks… you dunno how hard it was to find an umbrella around here. This town is so stingy." A bit of life was returning to her voice. "The delivery place wouldn't get me one and the store wouldn't cut me a discount. It's not my fault I'm broke."
"O…kay?" Karma questioned. "So, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm good now." She stretched up on her legs, her ocean eyes attaining a glimmer of life. "I couldn't even stand in any shade without people yelling, 'Quit standing near my house' or 'Hey you, no loitering!'" Her voice was that of a bratty, immature teenager. "Why do they wanna hog all the shade to themselves?"
There were sirens as an ambulance came to park beside them. The back door opened as a handsome doctor in a white cape jumped out. "NEVER FEAR! Doctor Man is here! Ma'am, are you the injured Chinese girl we were told about? And YOU must be her assailants!"
"It was an accident!" Aria cried.
"Calm down." The girl said. "It was just a motorcycle crash, I was just knocked down."
"Even so! We must take you to the emergency room to see that there are no lasting boo-boos!"
"No way." She began to walk away, pulling Aria with her so as to keep the umbrella overhead. "I saw a zombie movie that took place in a hospital. Besides, it's the perfect place for enemies to sneak in and kill you."
"Enemies?" Aria said.
"Nonsense!" Doctor Man grabbed her arm and dragged her to the ambulance. "A fine young lady like you couldn't survive with such boo-boos!"
"Let go of me, you weirdo!" She shoved the doctor off, then swung her foot to kick the ambulance. The operatives gawked as it fell over on its side, jamming the road.
"HEY, YOU!" A group of police cars drove up. "Kicking ambulances is in violation of Code 272! You're under arrest!"
"Ugh, look what you made me do!" she yelled at the doctor. "Gimme that!" She swiped Aria's wand and bolted up the sidewalk at superhuman speed.
Karma got on the other side of the ambulance, squatted down, and stuck his fingers underneath. "Huuuurr!" Stretching back up, he hauled the ambulance back up on its wheels. "Karma, come on!" Aria grabbed his hand and dashed after her.
Unfortunately, the shadowy umbrella disappeared, exposing the escapee to the sunlight. "Drat! What a cheap umbrella! Grrr, I hope that place isn't stingy with its shade." She saw a building with a tall green roof, 'Polestar' displayed on it, and children playing in its front yard. She ran to the building's side to seek shelter in the shade. "I think I lost 'em…"
"THERE Y'ARE!" Karma and Aria jumped out from behind the building. "You can't just kick down an ambulance and knock pick it up! I nearly sprained my ankle!" Karma spun and swung a kick at her hip, but the girl grabbed his ankle. "Ghhhhh!" Karma struggled to pull away. "What the hell is this grip?! AAAH!" And she hurdled Karma across the children's play area, the younglings looking up at the flying teen in awe. "Why, you-!" Karma got up and dashed back, swinging faster, heavier kicks that she blocked with karate chops. She threw a punch at Karma's jaw, his head twisting as teeth flew out. Karma avoided her next punch and threw a kick at her stomach, flying her back-first at a tree, which tore down as she flew several more yards.
"Wow, a fight!" yelled one of the preschool girls.
"Let's go watch!" Since the teacher usually told them not to fight, this was an exciting bout to see.
Karma launched himself at the girl, who thrusted her palm to block him, followed by a kick up at his stomach. Karma hacked saliva, but he grabbed her leg before he went flying. She flailed her leg to bang him against the grass, leaving craters, until Karma twisted and hauled her against the ground. He began to bash the girl around as well, but she pulled away and faced him in a crouched position. She charged Karma, who flipped upside-down to catch her hip in a leg hold, flipping to slam her head against the ground. He began trying to squeeze her hip, the girl pounding his legs in resistance, with Karma feeling the pain well up.
"KARMAAAA!" They halted their struggle to see Ness, Lucas, and Tracy ride up. "Karma, why are you beating up that lady?!" Lucas asked.
"She's not a lady, she's a little brat!"
"I am not, I'm 14!" she argued.
"She's got you there, Karm." Aria said. "You're only 13."
"Hah, looks like YOU'RE the brat! Now, respect your elder and get off me!"
"Both o' you gotta stop!" Tracy yelled. "Look! You taught the kids a bad lesson!"
The preschoolers began to thrash each other, mimicking the two's techniques.
However, before anyone could comment on this, the police had caught up to them. "Ah, you kids are the local heroes, aren't you?" an officer acknowledged. "I see you've subdued this little ambulance-kicker."
"I'm not the only criminal here! This guy's assaulting me!"
"'Cause you knocked down an ambulance and stole Aria's wand!"
"Because they were gonna put me in a hospital!"
"Ehehehe." Aria let out a chuckle. "Officers, you better let us take it from here. This girl's really strong, so you'd have a hard time restraining her. We'll take care of her."
"Phew, sounds like a deal to me. C'mon, boys, let's get carrots!"
"Carrots and not doughnuts?" Ness asked.
"WE LIKE CARROTS!" With that, the cops drove off.
"Sigh, how did we end up tangling with this girl?" Karma sighed, still wrestling with her. "We gotta find who crashed that ship! Did you boys pick up any leads?"
"Ship?" she asked. "You mean my ship? The one I left on that hill?"
"So, YOU'RE the alien?" Aria gasped.
"I mean, everyone's technically an alien, right?"
"I guess… Anyway, if Karma lets you go, maybe we can sit down and talk things out. Sound good?"
"You guys attacked me first, but okay."
"Geez." Karma released his grip, allowing her to stand up. "Ow…" His legs had suffered too many hits and were showing bruises. "Aria, hit me."
Aria took her wand back from her and blew a green wind over Karma's legs, applying magic to heal them. "My name's Kagura." She held her hands up to block the sun. "You guys have any pickled seaweed?"
"First an umbrella and now that? What's with you?"
"I'm just kind of hungry. Pickled seaweed helps elevate my appetite, even though it turns my poo green. I mean, it alleviates."
"EUH, TMI!" Lucas turned green.
"If you're hungry, we'll ask Charmy to cook you something." Aria said. "Let's call them and say to meet up."
Forest near Onett
"Checking the restaurants, what a silly idea." Veronica whined as she and Charmy traveled through the forest. "I know it's not impossible, but we need a more broad search. They could be hiding out here for all we know."
"At least it's a good time to collect ingredients." Charmy merrily skipped along with a basket in hand, having her cotton sheep collect apples and berries to throw in. "Or maybe you should do this since you're the one with the red hood."
"I'm letting the wolves have you first. …Huh? Charmy, get down!" She shoved the half-dwarf into a bush.
Another ship descended and landed in a forest clearing. The eyes of the short mages peered through the bush as a band of seven gangsters stepped out. They all seemed to have perms. The leader was a man with a purple yukata with orange flowers, sunshades, and an afro. There was a Glomourian woman with gauntlets; a Gungan with perms growing from his droopy ears; a Quermian whose neck snaked around his body; an impish, egg-shaped woman with an orange perm and long, froggish mouth; a bald Hylian with perms on his long ears; and an ogre with a perm in his nostrils.
"It looks like she crashed on that mountain, but she probably ain't still there. Might be hiding in town somewhere."
"'EY, BOSS." the ogre said loudly. "AIN'T THAT A KIDS NEXT DOOR TREEHOUSE? AY BET YA SHE'S IN DERE."
"If that's so, they'd already be on alert. We need to play it cool and investigate first. Get on your bikes and search the towns. Show people the photos I printed off, and make sure to wear your human masks. Kaprisa, you're on ship-guarding duty."
The gangsters nodded and pulled out peach-colored masks, which stretched and fight tightly over their misshapen heads. "Um, Boss? I forgot my photo." The Hylian said.
"Dang it, Leonard, I told you to write a checklist! You're on guard duty with Kaprisa now!"
"Oh, fidget spinner!" cursed Leonard.
"Sorry, Leonapapa." Kaprisa consoled.
"The rest of you, get going!"
"Hold it, Boss." The Glomourian faced left, hearing the bush rustle.
"…" A fluffy sheep walked out from behind it. "Baaaaaaa." It turned and walked the other way.
"Oh, just a sheep. Alright, let's do this."
The gangsters climbed onto ordinary Earth bicycles and rode off like a pack of innocent athletes. The sheep innocently trotted its way back to town as Charmy and Veronica poked their faces out to breathe. "Sounds like they're here for the alien." Vern whispered. "And they look like bad guys."
"And they have enough members to fight us, plus a 7th person."
"We'd better not be the only two. Let's call…huh?" Their communicators were ringing. "Wonder if they found something?"
Twoson
After the duo responded, Aria briefed their meeting with Kagura, and the others in turn revealed what they just saw. "Kagura… did those gangsters come looking for you?"
"Sigh, 'guess it was only a matter of time…"
"What did you do to them?" Lucas asked, growing anxious.
"The thing is, my family is poor. We lived in a shabby old apartment on Coruscant, and all we ever ate was rice with butter. But I wanted to eat rice with eggs on it."
"I see…?" Karma expected some form of a sad story, but she couldn't quite convey the tone.
"One day, I took a turn down the wrong alley on my way back from Rice-Mart, and I got hassled by this gang. But after I beat them all up, I got approached by this dude with a curly afro. And he said…"
"If you work for us, sweet cheeks, we'll give you rice with salmon and tea~"
"And that's how I started to work for the Punch Perm Gang. I started to beat people down for money and take their wives—I mean, lives—and they would feed me rice with salmon every day."
"Oh, my…" Lucas stepped backward in fear.
"But lately, it's been too much for me… I didn't wanna work for them, anymore. So, I stole one of their ships and tried to fly to a different planet, but it was my first time flying. I couldn't figure out the controls, and I think I hit the hyperspace button by accident… next thing I know, I wound up crashing on this planet."
"Well, you sure journeyed far." Karma said. "I guess now we better stop these guys, huh?"
"It doesn't sound like they'll stir up any trouble at the risk of our attention." Aria reasoned. "Let's meet at the treehouse and talk more. But we oughta keep Kagura hidden."
"You got one of those funny glasses-mustache disguises?"
"We'll just hide you the safe way. Reducio!" Aria zapped Kagura with her wand and zapped her to doll size.
The ride back to Onett went undisturbed, Kagura sticking her head out of Aria's scarf. "It smells like jogger sweat in here! Why do you wear this in the summer?!"
"It makes me look heroic!"
"Let's split up and head to the treehouse one at a time." Karma suggested. "In case those guys are wandering around town. Not that I don't think we can take them, but my legs hurt thanks to a certain someone."
The group divided and proceeded to the treehouse on the west side of Onett from different routes. Lucas headed there first, not seeing any people with perms or weird faces. Next was Ness to follow—I mean, reverse that—and Aria followed-
"Hey, Witch!" but Porky ambushed her. "I ripped my overalls after falling down that hill! I got new ones, but my dad gave me spanky-spankies for ruining them, spankety…"
"Er, sorry, Pork—Pokey."
"You're gonna be sorry! I ain't letting you past until you gimme money for more overalls! Wait…" He saw Kagura sticking out of her scarf. "Hey, is that your dolly? How much did it cost? Maybe that'll be enough to-"
The second he tried to reach for her, Kagura jumped out and STAMPED him in the squished nose. "I ain't gonna be some weird pig's dolly!"
"OOOOW! Your doll broke my nose!" Aria grabbed her and ran past. "Now I need money for nose surgery! Hey! Come back!"
Once Aria made it back, Karma eventually joined them. The six operatives reunited in the treehouse safely, resizing Kagura back to normal. "Soooo… anyone hungry?" Charmy smiled.
…
Once Kagura's hunger had become a known factor, the half-dwarf set to work, and a big meal was crafted. It was astonishing how much their visitor was able to wolf down. Well, Charmy was quite the glutton herself, with a smaller frame, so the question then was whether Kagura had Sweetian blood. "Man, this beef is the best! Y'know, the best way to make hotpot is with beef. Not with pork; pork doesn't go with the mushrooms at all. Pork is good with honey sauce though."
"Oh, I don't mind either way~" Charmy sang. "It's wonderful to meet such a huge gourmet connoisseur as yourself!"
"More like a huge gourmet consumer. Ha ha!" Karma joked.
"We're going shopping earlier than I thought." Aria figured. "So, Miss Kagura, you said you were from Coruscant?"
"Hm?" She swallowed her current mouthful. "No, I flew from Coruscant. I was born on Planet Glomour."
"Whoa, you're Glomourian? But you don't look like one at all."
"Wait a second…" Karma frowned in realization. "Super strength… Glomour… huge appetite… and you look Chinese…"
"What's wrong, Karma?" asked Lucas.
"Tell me…" a shadow fell over the Fanalis's eyes, "are you a Yato?"
"Yup." Kagura slurped down a helping of noodles.
"What's a Yato?" asked Aria. "And how do you know what it is?"
"They're sort of one of our 'rival' tribes. They follow the same theme of, they look human, but they have some animalistic trait and dwell in a certain environment. We Fanalis are desert-dwelling lions, the Imuchakk are snow-dwelling whales, the Artemyrans are sky-walking birds, the Sadida are forest-dwelling plant-humans… and finally, the dark-dwelling Yato Tribe, also known as the Night Rabbits. But although they're called rabbits, they've always been the black sheep of the tribes."
"Why is that?"
"'Cause they're the only ones who wear shoes."
All their faces fell. "THAT'S the only reason?" Veronica asked.
"Going barefoot is bad for you." Kagura argued. "You could get turf toe or blisters, and then you'd have to go to the emergency room and walk around with a cane. My people care about hydrogen! Er, hygiene!"
"This girl raises some good points, Karma. You oughta listen to her!"
"Pah, that stuff is only true for softies! But I'm naturally built~" Karma kicked back and put his feet up on the table—Veronica cast a spell and trapped them in black shoes with neon sparkles. "HEY! You little-!" He began stomping the floor desperately to break them.
"Besides, then I'd wind up stepping on all that sunlit ground." Kagura reasoned.
"Is sunlight really that bad for you?" Lucas asked.
"Yeah, it makes me really sick and woozy. We could even die if we don't shade up in time."
"You know," Charmy began, recollecting something she learned in school, "although Glomour receives the sun's warmth, the planet's black sky makes it hard for sunlight to get through."
"But why'd your family move to Coruscant?"
"Eh, I don't wanna talk about that. Ahhhh…that was great." Kagura leaned back on her seat and rubbed her satisfied belly. "You know what I also want? Some boots. Sure, I couldn't move as well, but they look comfy."
"I could cast the same spell, but it'll wear off eventually." Veronica replied.
"When?!" Karma shouted.
"But if we're done sharing stories, perhaps we could discuss capturing those gangsters?!"
"Kagura, those guys don't have anything on you, do they?" Aria asked.
"Beats me. Unless they try to threaten a puppy or something."
"Are they strong? Do they have more members?"
"They're decent. And I don't think so."
"Well, let's get to beating them." Ness smiled with a shrug. "We'll lock them in prison and carry Kagura back to Coruscant. Easy peasy."
But it was then the hatted boy received a phone call. He answered it. "Ness, it's Dad. We just got a call from Escargo and…"
Several minutes ago
"Waaaaahh! My face!" Porky kept whining on his walk through Onett, rubbing his sore nose. "That stupid doll! Oof!" He bumped into a pair of legs under a yukata.
"Excuse you, kid." The Perm Boss, Inoue loomed over him imposingly. "Thought I'd ask you somethin'. You seen this girl around?" He held down a photo of Kagura.
"Hehn?! That's the doll the witch had!"
"A… doll?"
"Yeah! The purple witch had that doll, and I wanted to play with it, but it kicked me! She probably took it back to her stupid tree." Porky pointed at the distant treehouse.
"Tch…so, the KND already got her. We better regroup and think of somethin'. Hmmm…you must know them." Inoue focused down on Porky again. "You got any ideas, kid?"
"What, so you want that doll, too? What's in it for me, fuzzy head?"
"Well, we're planning to sell her off. She'll be worth a ton of money, so maybe we'll share a cut of it with you. Wanna make some money, kid?"
"MONEY?! Hot dog, okay!"
"Heh heh…" But I'm actually thinking of killing her. If she ain't gonna work for us anymore, no reason to let some other crooks have her.
"Let's see, uh…aha!" Porky saw Tracy, having returned and making a delivery to a house. "Just follow my lead and I'll get us what we need!"
Once Tracy completed her delivery, the child made to fly off. "Hey! Hey, Ness's Sister! Wait!" She looked back and found Porky toddling behind her.
"What do you want, Porky?"
"It's Pokey! I got somethin' I want you to deliver to Ness!"
"Okay?"
"C'mere! I left it by the library!" The pudgy boy jogged off.
"Porky, is this a prank?" Tracy glid after him.
"Nah, I have something I wanna give Ness, huff huff. You'll see!"
Tracy sighed, knowing full well this would be some kind of prank. Porky led her up to the library at the base of the hills north of town, then turned right to the billboard that advertised it. Tracy followed him behind the board. "Well? Where's the thing you wanna give him?"
"It's riiight… THERE!" As Porky suddenly pointed at Tracy, Inoue jumped out from a nearby tree and SNATCHED her in a sack!
"Ahhhh! Let me outta here! Heeeelp!"
"What's this broom she was ridin'? Is she a witch?"
"She don't know any magic! Now we need a good place to make the trade."
"Forest looks nice. We're parked out there, anyway. Lemme just call my crew back up."
Presently…
"She didn't report back? We were just with her up in Twoson; we're back home now."
"They said she was coming back to Onett for another delivery before she was supposed to check back in. They didn't get a call either, so they're wondering if she called us."
"Hnnn…Dad, we'll call you back in a bit." Ness hung up.
"You don't think the gangsters did this, do you?" Charmy wondered. "Why would they think to target Tracy?"
"They couldn't have made it to Twoson while we met with Tracy there." Aria figured.
"Maybe they wanted to try and ransom somebody," Karma inputted, "and figured the little girl by her lonesome was a good catch?"
"The speed charm I cast on her broom should still be in effect. She would've been too fast to catch."
"There's only one good way to solve this, right?" Veronica reasoned. "We saw where the crooks were parked, so let's go to their ship. We'll see for ourselves if they have Tracy or not, and we'll beat 'em up regardless."
"I guess you're right." Aria agreed. "But Kagura, if they're after you, you should stay here."
"Nuh-uh!" Her face contorted in refusal. "If they're threatening a kid to get me, I might as well give them what they want."
"You gonna hand yourself over?" Lucas asked.
"Hell no! I thought we were gonna beat them up?"
"Sure we are," Karma affirmed, "we're just having a hard time reading your intentions…"
Kagura stood and calmly stepped toward the treehouse balcony, overlooking the peaceful town. "A wise man once said… 'If a bad driver runs you over, you don't kidnap their sister for ransom. You make them buy you shoes, snacks, or steaks.' You got the last part right, but I'd still like some new shoes. And some pants, too. But if the Punch Perms kidnapped your sister because of me, then it's like I kidnapped her. And that completely breaks your debt. So, I need to save her if I'm going to fix it."
"Awe, that's so… kind of you." Ness replied uncertainly. "Then… let's go! We'll save Tracy and make sure those guys never bother you again!"
"Or we could be completely wrong and she just got run over on the road." Karma figured.
"TO THE FOREST!" Veronica bashed his head.
Forest
"Let me out! Let me out! I wanna go home!"
"Shut it, kid." Inoue kicked the bag. They and Leonard were near the ship. "We're in the forest, ain't no one gonna hear you." He picked up his phone, "Guys, you on your way?"
"We're coming fast as we can, Boss." The Glomourian, Ranoa, said as she peddled up the road. "Krek got stuck in line at the Honker Burger."
"AY NEED ME DAILY COW." The ogre affirmed. "With thinly cut cheese."
"We're almost there, Boss." Reported the Quermian, Snael. "We'll get ourselves in, guuuuuuuuulp," he swallowed saliva, which took a while to get through his neck, "position."
"Me-sa no sure no bargain with the Kids Next Doors is-a no bestest idea." The Gungan, Parm-Parm, inputted.
"Let's just play this nice and cool." Inoue said. "The KND give us the girl, we get the shock collar on her, we get back on the ship… and we throw them their girl. Sound good? And we make sure there ain't any tricks."
"Pssst! Boss Man!" Porky called. "They're here already!"
"What?! We ain't send the note, how'd they find out?!"
"I dunno, but the doll girl is coming. Except she's a big doll now! She's with the purple witch and Tracy's brother. I don't see the others…"
"Grrrr! Fellas, we're starting ahead of schedule! Just pick a place to hide, but get ready to fight."
Aria, Ness, and Kagura journeyed into the woods with nervous hearts. Following the approximate direction Veronica pointed, their wands and fists were ready for ambush. After passing around a dense group of trees, they stopped, finding the ship, two gangsters in front, and a squirming sack. "Aha!" Inoue whipped out a closed purple umbrella and aimed it. "Glad you decided to show up, Yato!"
"My umbrella! Give it back, you jerks!"
"Don't switch priorities!" Ness panicked.
"Big Bro! Is that you?! Help me!"
"TRACY! You monsters turned her into a bag!"
"She's in the bag, you moron! And if you want her out of it, the Yato better step on the ship!"
"Really? All I have to do is step on it? I don't have to get in and go with you?"
"You ARE getting in, and you're gonna stay put! Now, get moving! Just you! After we're all onboard, I'll throw you this brat."
"Tracy, are you hurt in there?" Aria asked.
"N-No… but I'm scared…"
"She better get out of this unhurt!"
"Just send the Yato over here!"
Kagura glanced at the two operatives, eyes quivering anxiously. She faced the boss courageously and took one slow step at a time.
Porky, meanwhile, was hidden up in a tree as he spied the forest entrance with binoculars. "Doot, doot, do-do, doot…who?" It seemed that some cotton-bodied animals were entering. "Sheep? I've never seen any sheep around here. Huh…well, better keep watching out for those jerks."
The sheep followed the indicated route, but traveled a little ways to the left. "There!" Veronica whispered. They saw the other gang members in the distance, getting off their bikes and splitting different directions. "Alright… let's each pick one and pick them off. But we'll wait for Aria's signal."
Kagura maintained her slow pace, each step causing their hearts to beat faster. Inoue seemed rationally patient, the umbrella still raised. "…!" Once she stepped on a certain spot, Inoue jiggled his afro.
A pair of fast footsteps came dashing out from the right. "KAPAAAA!" Kaprisa jumped Kagura and SLAPPED a metal collar over her neck.
"NNNNUUUU!" She fell to her knees from electrocution.
"KAGURA!" Aria screamed.
"Don't worry!" Inoue grinned. "Just a safety precaution! We're still ago, so get goin'!"
Gritting her teeth, Kagura stretched back up and limped toward the ship. Her steps were ever slow… and their hearts ever heavy. Carefully… calmly… but any moment, the gangsters expected an ambush. She was obviously biding time and awaiting the moment. "Psst, kid, how's it goin'?" he whispered in his phone.
"No sign of any losers, pal." Porky responded.
"Hnn…" Kagura was a few steps from the ship. Four steps… three… two—she whipped her right leg over and flung off her slipper, the tip of which cut through the top of the sack. "SHIT!" (Play "Unfounded Revenge" from Smash Brawl!)
"NESS!" Tracy desperately scrambled through the bag.
"VENTUS-EXPELLIARMUS!" Aria shot a concentrated wind blast at Inoue, but Kaprisa jumped in the way and huffed it down her throat. "KAPAPAPA!" With wild speed, she zipped around Aria and swiftly slammed her with slaps and kicks. As Aria stumbled over, Kaprisa grabbed her legs, dragged her to, and slammed her head in a tree. The imp retreated and formed martial arts poses.
KAPRISA! Her Quirk: Speedy Swallow! She can swallow non-solid forces of power and use them for a speed boost!
"SIS!" Ness shot a Fire Spell at Inoue at the same time, but- "OUCH!" a hammer stretched and shoved him into a tree. The hammer retracted back into the handle held by Leonard. "Little Hammer, grow grow GROW!" The hammer gigantified, Ness conjuring a Protego before it smashed him.
"Knew you kids would try something!" Inoue grabbed Tracy by the hair, squirming, while Kagura was again electrocuted by the collar. "That's it, Yato, now you're BOTH gonna pay!"
Aria raised her watch and said, "Guys, if you see them, attack now! We might also need some backup!"
…
"'ey there, little sheepy!" Krek picked up and squeezed one of the sheep into a hug. "Don't ya look tasty?" His permy nosehair stroked the animal's face. "Ay'm gonna fry you up with some butter and stuff you up with some jelly!"
"LEAVE THE SHEEP ALONE!" The sheep grew a huge, thick arm and SOCKED Krek in the stomach, the ogre flying back a short distance. Charmy and Veronica emerged from the magic cotton, the latter running off.
"I'm going to back up Aria! You got this, Charmy?"
"Affirmative!"
"What the-?!" Ranoa gasped. "That sheep was a kid?! Then-" Facing the sheep that was several yards away, Karma pounced out of it with a flying kick, his sparkly black shoe striking Ranoa in the jaw.
"I'm a lion in sheep's clothes!" the Fanalis retorted. Ranoa recovered and dueled the young fighter, the impacts of his shoes against Ranoa's gauntlets vibrating the air. She let his foot come to her head so she could punch the side of the leg, causing him to spin midflight, and Ranoa readily headbutted him.
"Gulp?! What's going on?" Snael looked out from his hiding place, seeing the battle. He glanced down at an innocent little sheep—"PK FREEZE!" Lucas shot a freezing spell as soon as his wand was free. "Phew. That's one do-" Snael's extra pair of arms stretched out of his clothes and split the ice, the Quermian stretching his neck to seize Lucas's wand in his teeth. "HEY!" Afterwards, the boy was seized in some curly hair that stretched from the clothes.
"My under-perms ain't just for show!" Snael's jacket fell off, exposing the perms in his underarms. "With Life Return, they get real, guuuuuuuulp, clingy!" The alien slammed Lucas against the tree a few times before dropping him on the ground, seemingly unconscious. "That was easy!" Keeping the wand, Snael stepped over Lucas and went to help his comrades.
Lucas sprung up and, "ROPE SNAKE!" lashed a red snake from under his shirt. The reptile stretched, snatched Lucas's wand, and reclined, the mage dodging Snael's hairy retaliation. "Thank you!"
"Glad I could be useful…" the snake spoke with an Eeyore voice. Snael stretched his armpit hair in multiple directions, but Lucas cast Fire Spells at the right hairs and lashed Rope Snake at the left hairs, slicing them off with his teeth. Snael went for a thrust at Lucas's front, but he whipped Rope Snake back to bite a thick tree and pull himself around it. Snael tried to follow him around, but Lucas had cast PK Thunder, an orb of lightning that he controlled and steered through the air telepathically. He directed it over and around the branches, sneaking up on Snael from behind, and "Zzzzzz!" Once electrified, Lucas went for a Blast Spell against the alien.
"GUNGY KICK!" After leaping a root, Veronica was startled by Parm-Parm flying out of a bush, ducking his kick while casting magic strings to wrap his leg. She then cast electricity along the string and zapped him, the Gungan jittering in pain before chopping the strings with his hand. "You'd be better off not announcing your sneak attacks, dumbass!"
"Grah! Me-sa no take that from no imp! Try-sa HIT ME, Misshy!" He began hopping around like an insane rabbit. Veronica jinxed the ground to be covered with spikes, but no matter how much area she covered, the Gungan merely toe-hopped between the spikes. "NYAH!" He suddenly sprung forth and kicked her into the spikes. They weren't especially sharp, but they needled her back irritatingly. "HAAAAH!" The Gungan leapt to stamp her in further, but Veronica cast, "ASCENDIO!" to suddenly shoot skyward, causing Parm-Parm to stamp into the spikes. "AYAH!" Upon her descent, she used a weight-increase spell to SMASH him against the spikes.
…
"Nnnnnnnn!" Kagura struggled in the hold of the collar, writhing on the soil as she felt herself drying from the ceaseless electrocution.
"All you kids had to do was be good and you could've gotten your kiddo." Inoue said, keeping a button in his pocket pressed. "But now it sounds like we're frying eight brats for the price of one."
"Y-You…you were going to… kill me?!" Kagura fought to sit up.
"A tool that stops working for us is better off scrapped, or else someone else will get it and use it against us."
"You dummy! If a tool stops working, it ain't gonna work for anyone el-"
"You know what I mean! You and all these punks are a danger to us now, so we gotta take care of you for good!"
"Aaaauuuugh…" Kagura pulled up her arms and gripped the collar. With all her might, she tugged the metal device. "I won't… get beat by a curly-haired loser like you!"
"And the way you always run your mouth was annoying." Inoue said, subconsciously lowering Tracy in front. "It'll be nice to shut you—UUUUH!" The child kicked him in the crotch and dropped, the man instinctively moving both hands to hold it.
"HUH!" With the electricity stopped, Kagura STAMPED him in the pocket where the control device was. She suffered one last jolt before it ceased working.
"YOU LITTLE-!" Inoue grabbed the umbrella and shot bullets from it, using natural evasion to survive Kagura's furious punches.
"Looks like our rabbit is free!" Aria beamed. "YUH-OH!" Kaprisa zipped circles around her.
"Too early for you to be celebrapapa!" She tried to grab Aria's head and twist it, but the wind mage spun to meet her face-to-face… or should I say, mouth-to-mouth. "UUUOOOO!" Aria's small lips locked with her wide ones in a suckling embrace. Aria CLAPPED and smooshed her cheeks together so the whole lips felt her kiss. "Mmmm!" Kaprisa kicked off Aria, landing upright. "Mmmmm?!" Her lips were glued with purple saliva.
"I use Sticky Breath to make my saliva gluey!" Aria smirked, the purple ooze coating her lips. "That'll keep your mouth shut!" She dashed to match Kaprisa's speed, blowing gusts that she couldn't inhale. Kaprisa was knocked down, allowing Aria to cast a gust of Ice Wind to chill the egg-shaped imp.
"Now it's my turn!" Ness declared, dodging the giant hammer. He stretched a yo-yo behind him and flung it in an arch toward Leonard. "PK Yo-yo!" Using his own version of Engorgio, the yo-yo grew large, Leonard panicking and forced to withdraw from the hammer's handle. However, the yo-yo crushed the handle with such force that the giant tool flipped, crushing the fleeing Hylian at just the right distance. The hammer shrunk, leaving Leonard a smooshed, quivering mess. "Okay!"
…
Karma flipped at Ranoa several times for a series of hammer kicks, the Glomourian having to apply a hefty amount of muscle to keep her arms from bending in. "Why're you helping that girl, anyway?" Ranoa asked. "Her kind are monsters. Violent beasts who kill each other for glory! That's why the Glomourians sealed off their land… even if some like her crawl out. If left unchecked, she may kill you all in your sleep."
"Then why do you want her back?!"
"For that very reason. We thought we found a way to control her, but she betrayed us in the end. Now we have to put that beast down."
"The question here is, who's beauty and who's the beast?"
Ranoa succeeded in grabbing Karma's leg in both gauntlets and squeezing it, but he bent himself up and sank his teeth in one arm. She pushed him off with a flinch, but his other foot kicked the other arm and freed him. Karma sprung up to a tree and swung himself around the branch repeatedly until he acquired the momentum to launch at her. She thrusted up her gauntlets, both meeting his shoes, and both pairs of clothing shattered. Ranoa's knuckles were smashed in from the impact, and in her stunned state, Karma crawled to punch her knees, toppling the muscular woman. He then clambered to her head for the knock-out punch. "Ow…girl was packing the meat…" Karma took the time to rub his aching legs.
"Me-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa!" Parm-Parm was shooting endless puffs of perm from his ears. "Me-sa-sa-sa-sa! Me sticky earwax stick perm-perm all over you!" Despite her best efforts to evade, Veronica became coated and stuck in the hair. It fluffed up her whole little body until only her staff was sticking out, like an ancient relic lodged in a rock. "Ha ha ha! Now you smelly Parmy hairy forevey!"
However, her mouth was still free. "Switcheroo!" Her staff shot magic at Parm, causing himself and Veronica to switch places. To her fortune, the hair didn't travel with her.
"ACK! Hey!" Though the perms didn't fully cover his taller body, the Gungan found himself squirming in his own mess. "Why perm-perm stick to me?! Is-a sticky to midgey!"
"I guess it can only detach from the inside of your ears! I'll burn them off for you. Engorgio-Incendio!"
"BWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHH…" A great body of fire fried the aquatic alien and reduced his perm to ashes.
"And don't call me a midgey!"
Krek's fighting style was similar, ripping out huge wads of nose-perms, but by filling them with boogers, he used poisonbending to control the wads and ram Charmy's Cotton Sheep. "Ay can do this all day, lass! You know how much nosehair an ogre grows?"
"Well, Mister Ogre, do you know what happens to my sheep when they consume enough edible matter?"
"What?!" The sheep began to hug the perm wads and consume them.
"As gross as it is, you've been feeding them plenty of nutrients. Which means it's time for them to reunite!" The sheep all amassed together into one giant entity. "You should always be wary of a wolf in sheep's clothing~"
The sheep's eyes glow as its cottony body ripped apart, exposing a vicious wolf underneath. "ROOOOAAAAR!" The wolf lunged at Krek and swiped its strong, yet fluffy claws until the ogre was down.
"Ouch!" Snael yelped from the snakebite to his nipple. "Stop it, you stupid snake!" He tried to bash it with his head, but Rope Snake dodged. "Ow! Not fair!" He was bit in the back of the low-right arm, the head bending in pursuit. Lucas's PK Thunders had been able to zap through all his arm hair, and by striking the underarms directly, it was difficult to grow the hair back through the charred spots. Now all Snael could do was try to grab the snake maneuvering around him, his neck twisting all around himself to keep track of the reptile. "Hack…!" It eventually became too tangled to keep going, his head currently facing up his back from between the legs. "Crap! I'll have to back out slowly and-"
"PK Thunder!" Lucas cast another orb of lightning, snaking it around Snael in the same fashion. "Ouch! Yowch! Ztap! Hey! YOOOooo…" One final zap to the face knocked the twisted man out.
…
The shade from all these trees made it hard to weaken Kagura, but Inoue was able to lure her into a sunny spot. It helped that she was still missing a shoe, so stepping in the sun spots probably hurt. "?!" Alas, the dimming ground waned Inoue's chances of victory, a cloud drifting to block the sun. "Dammit, cloud, go back to your smokestack!"
"You can't tell clouds what to do!" Kagura tugged at her collar. "Clouds are free people, just like bards, and BUG SALESMEN!" Once the metal brace was ripped off at the front, she hurdled it like a one-way boomerang, bending Inoue's leg back. As he fell forward, Kagura reached over to swipe back her umbrella.
"HUAH!" At the same time, she kicked Inoue in the stomach to send him airborne. He fell, and Kagura swung her umbrella like a bat to send him higher in the sky. "AAAAAHH…"
"Hm…" She eyed the parked ship.
Just as Inoue reached the apex of his height and took the plunge, "?!" the next sight struck him with dread: his own ship coming spinning at him. "Oh, no."
It was no mystery why the afroed man would have no ounce of stamina left, or why his ship would be crumbled and shattered on the inside. The gang leader was placed sat up against the wreckage. "Uuuuhh…" He opened his shaded eyes to a pair of sturdy legs. With a start, his head flung up to Kagura's gaze, the barrel of her umbrella gun trained.
"I like to fight. That's the Yato's instinct… but I don't give in to it. From now on, I'll fight with my Yato blood. I'm gonna fight to change."
"Guh…what're you thinking? Yato are… weapons of destruction. You can't fight that…"
"I'm no weapon." She stuck the umbrella into the ground. Kagura hoisted him up by the neck and set him down with his back to her. "But this is."
She retrieved something else from her outfit. "!" The buzzing of an electric razor instilled fear in Inoue's heart. "No! No! Not the perm! Not the—AAAAAHHHH!"
"…" The operatives were dazzled by Inoue's bald head. Kagura drew a silly smile on the back of it. "Looks good. Don't ya think?"
"Teeheeheeheehee!" Tracy giggled.
…
With the arrival of the KND S.P.R.A.Y.S.H.I.P.s, the seven villains were chained up and hauled off to Arctic Prison. "All's well that ends well." Aria smiled.
"Yup." Kagura returned, facing her umbrella at the sun.
"I guess now we oughta carry you back to Coruscant, huh?" Ness asked.
"…" Kagura gazed longingly at the fluffy sky. "Eh…I kinda wanna stay."
"WHUH?!"
"I was gettin' tired of Coruscant. Too much clutter and dirty alleyways. This planet seems… cleaner."
"It's not very." Aria blushed. "Sure, Onett's one of the nicer places to live, but not everything is clean."
"Eh, I don't care." She smiled at the sky. "I know I can't stand the sun… but I like seeing it touch other things. It brings a lot of color out of everything. Plus, compared to other Yato, I kind of have a slight tolerance to sunlight, so it's not all bad."
"Heh heh…" Karma cracked a grin. "I guess it'd be wrong to call you a Night Rabbit. Honestly… I wasn't sure what to think of you at first, but I think I had my worries misplaced. You're a noble warrior."
"Yah, if you say so. Still, if I'm gonna stay here, I guess I'll need to find a job and make some doughnuts. I mean, dough. Unless I can stay with one of you guys?"
"Stay with Karma." Veronica suggested. "You'd fit right in."
"Hey, I think she's noble, but I don't want her in my house! She'll eat all my food and smell up the couch! Stay with Lucas!"
"I DON'T WANT THAT EITHER!"
The friends shared a laugh over their shared feelings. "Hey, what's so funny? Come on, I'm not a bad house guest!"
"Tehehehe!" Tracy giggled. "…AAAH! NESS, I almost forgot! Porky was working with them!"
"W-what?!"
"Yeah! Porky tricked me and got me caught! He's gotta be hiding somewhere!"
The friends rushed to the edge of the forest, just in time to see the bully nonchalantly walking back to town. "PORKY!"
He jumped several feet in the air before facing the angry bunch. "Uh, hey guys! Fancy seeing you!"
"YOU MEANIE! YOU TRICKED ME and got Big Brother's friends hurt!"
"Uh, you must be mistaken! That was probably a kid who looked like me!"
"ACCIO TRACY'S BROOM!" Ness called. In an instant, the small training broom came flying across town, situating on the ground.
"RAAAAH!" The 6-year-old grabbed the broom and chased the fleeing Porky, whacking his rump in repetition.
"Ouch! C'mon, Trac—ow! It was just a prank—ow! I told those guys not to hurt—ow! Spankety, spankety, spanke—ow!" The friends shared one more laugh.
"So, who wants to buy me some boots?" Kagura asked.
"Veronica." Karma kicked her over. "She's rich."
"Gah, you wretched oaf!"
This was a ton of fun to write! Not just Kagura's dialogue, but I kinda fell for these villains after a while!