JENNIE
I closed my laptop for the day and looked around the office. It was almost empty. A guy a few desks from me was staring tentatively at the string of code on his monitor. My phone pinged, showing Lisa's name on the lock screen. My heart started beating faster. Finally, she replied.
I unlocked the screen.
"Jennie, my love. You remember it, right? I need you to know, to remember, to feel, that I love you. When I met you in that bar, I didn't know that one person could be my home, could accept me wholly, and could love me. You were my star, you lit up my life, I didn't feel alone anymore. Thank you for showing me that I am capable of feeling, to love a person till I can't breathe. You filled me to the brim and left. These quiet walls press in on me. I am so sorry, but I can't live like this anymore. I can't wait. During these past weeks, I hit rock bottom. I am alone again. You are somewhere there, in another part of the planet, and I am here, crumbling down to the emptiness inside. I can't do this anymore. Your absence is killing me. I love you, God, how I love you. And this waiting is destroying me now. I am cutting myself off from you. I am so sorry.
"These last days have been the hardest ones of my life. I finally understand that you are choosing him. I understand that you chose him when you boarded that plane and asked me to stay here. I am still here, and I will always be here. But I can't do it anymore. By the time you read this, there won't be any way for you to contact me. I love you, Jennie. And I wish you were here. I wish you never left, but my wishes are not important. Forgive me for not waiting as you asked, but if I waited and hoped even for one more minute, there wouldn't be me anymore. I will always love you. You need to know that. Goodbye."
That Goodbye blurred. My tears were falling on the screen, silently. Sitting here, on this uncomfortable office chair, I could barely breathe. I had ruined us. There was no more us. Here I was, quietly crying, while the storm roared in my ears. I hurt her so much when I left to help Kai and saved him from the pain, but saving Kai killed the one I loved. She lost faith in us, and I made her wait too long.
But she was wrong. She thought I was like her parents, who just left her. No. I made the right decision to help Kai, but it took too long.
I picked up my jacket, my purse, and left the building. Outside, it was warm, almost summer. And deep down I knew that I should have left much earlier. I should have left when Kai got home. And now, he was almost walking, and I was still cradling his feelings, while Lisa was left hurting. Was there still a chance to save us?
I called her. As she said, she had blocked me everywhere. All messengers, social media, and calls ended before the first ring. Even her email got returned.
Stepping one foot in front of the other, I reached my front door, standing there with the keys in my hand. I had a plan, but not today. Coward. Soon, soon I would run back to the love of my life, pleading with her to take me back. I plastered a smile on my face and slid my key in the lock.