{A bird hatched in an undeveloped state, requiring care and feeding by the parents}
(•͈⌔•͈ ﾂ
That night as I locked my door for the night and started thinking about what to fill the time with, it hit me that I hadn't talked to Sveta in a while. After all the chaos last week I... I'd forgotten about her.
Sveta had been the catalyst behind my entire adventure in Alchemilla's basement. I had set out to find Labyrinth, to find a way to shut down her world because I had been worried about Sveta. Worried about her getting out and what would happen if she did.
But I haden't heard anything from her since then. In the confusion and disorientation of the infirmery, and of healing, and then following Mom and Emma visiting... And then in experimenting with my power...
I'd forgotten all about her.
As I booted up Alchemilla's chat network a sick knot of worry twisted in my stomach. I felt terrible.
Sveta didn't pick up right away, which was a bad sign itself. Sveta always picked up quickly. It was almost a full minute before the connection was picked up and a somewhat bleary-eyed Sveta filled the chat window, I might have actually woke her up. She was a little too close to the camera, but I still breathed a sigh of relief.
"Taylor!" she said, "You're alright!"
She sounded almost tearful, and I immediately felt worse.
"It's good to see you Sveta." I said, and gave her a smile.
Sveta was almost tearful, "I heard you were hurt, but nobody could tell me anything!"
I leaned back, breathing a long sigh, and I gathered my thoughts. "I'm fine, I did get hurt for a bit, but I'm up and about now!" I said, "I got healed."
"You got hurt?" Sveta looked horrified, "H-how were you hurt?"
How much to tell? I thought about how Mom and Emma had reacted, "I... got burned, and cut my arm badly."
I could feel her emotions, spikeing, her arms transformed into eight tentacles. For a moment, they lashed out all around her, and Sveta's body dissolved into its component threads. I caught a glimpse of what was both her bed and her chair- a pillar covered in padding that extended both above and below the range of the chat camera. Stubby branches extended from it at regular intervals, like a tiered scratching post for the largest housecat ever. There was a glimpse of Sveta's painting beyond it- I could barly see a wash of blue and greens...
More immediately, Sveta writhed, her body raced around the padded pole, occasionally reforming a limb, or gathering in a mass as Sveta tried to regain control. This was a bad day.
"Stop! No, no, no, no-"
Sveta's voice faded in and out as she moved around the post.
"In, out. Relax, flex, relax, flex..."
I wanted to say something, help calm her down, but Doctor Yamada had told me that sometimes it just fed the panic cycle. Sveta's power... Distantly, I could feel it! I could feel Sveta's power! Not very well, not viewing it through the chat camera. Nothing like Heather or Mimi or Elle; but I could feel a glimmer of it, so very, very faint. That was new.
It... It almost felt like Solace's power. That same frantic energy...
Sveta stopped moving as frantically, and settled in gripping the post, which deformed as Sveta's tendrils twisted in place, wringing it.
"In. Out. In. Out." Sveta said, "Relax, relax, relax."
Sveta's face appeared in the chat window once more. She was even paler than when we'd started, the 'c' on her cheek stood out in black against her skin. She settled, but still looked downcast.
"Was it scary?" Sveta asked.
"I- yes, it was... Pretty chaotic. Were you alright?" I asked.
"Yes." Sveta's face fell even further, "It... It was pretty." she whispered.
Sveta had gotten out? I remembered the valley, the ruined town. The sky. What was that like for her? What had she seen? Had she seen the valley, the ruins? I knew that her opportunities to move about Alchemilla, let alone the outside, were very limited. What had seeing it like that been like, for her?
"...It reminded me of my dreams." Sveta said quietly, "It was... It was so beautiful... There was a city, and a lake! I could hear birds! I felt the wind..."
She sounded so wistful.
"You'll be out there some day." I said.
"Oh! Oh, no I-I..." Sveta stammered, "Maybe... I hope maybe one day."
Sveta's body spasmed, threads and tendrils writhing. Then they snapped out, out of my line of sight, returning with a sketchbook.
"I did some drawings."
She held up the sketchbook, the video quality wasn't great, but the sketch- of the crater from a perspective overlooking the ruins at the bottom, a dilapidated mill beside a river, crumbling walls and narrow streets, was clearly visible. I was impressed, I could actually see the square I had entered the town through.
"They look really good!" I said, honestly. Sveta turned the pages, I saw flowers and leaves. A cathedral dome that had fallen in on itself like a cracked egg. There were other things, some I had seen before. Architecture, sea life, shells, fish; drawings of a shoreline bordered by buildings, long wooden piers and boats with sails in the water.
"It's beautiful!" I said.
Sveta's notebook lowered out of view and she looked away.
"...I dream about it, sometimes." Sveta said, "Being human. It's like I'm seeing another girl's life. It's so beautiful, so peaceful. Even if I don't remember..."
She stared into the distance, her eyes were empty... Empty the same way Mimi's sometimes looked.
"Doctor Yamada doesn't like it when I think about it too much. It makes it harder to concentrate, to control my power. Being emotional makes it harder."
"I met some others." I said, "Other capes with mutations."
"What were they like?"
My answer was not immediate, I chose my words with care. "I liked some of them," I said. That was true enough.
Frog was eerie but I had not felt anything but goodwill and melancholy from him. The prospect of learning sign language and speaking with him interested me. Prowler made me nervous, but he was not like many of the patients, he was angry, not erratic... Quilt had impressed me, and Inkling reminded me of Heather, who I liked well enough. If I could ever talk to her without her trying to punch me in the face, we might have a real friendship happen. Mantellum and Oilbloom...
Sveta listened as I described them; and then she surprised me when she knew all their names.
"I looked up most of them a long time ago." She said, "I even contacted some. Monster capes know each other...we seek each other out."
"Why?"
"Because of the memories." Sveta said, "In the dreams. I wanted to know if anyone else had them. Each one, I hoped..."
Hoped they would remember?
"... Why were they so upset?" Sveta asked, changing the subject. "The others, Prowler and Inkling?"
"One of the other patients got sent to the Birdcage, one of their friends. He wasn't... he wasn't nice, but I didn't know him well, I guess."
Sveta shied away, the tendrils encircling the padded pole shifted their grips, tightening and twisting.
"... I hope things look up for them," Sveta said.
"Yeah, me too..." I said.
"Who... Who was the patient?" Sveta asked, "...The one who went to the Birdcage."
"His name was Lizard Prince." I said.
"Was he like me?"
"Like you?" I echoed.
"A bad guy."
"You aren't a 'bad guy'."
"But he went to the Birdcage."
"I don't think you're a bad person Sveta." I replied insistently.
She reminded me of Mimi, with that same sense of defeat. I didn't like seeing that in anyone I wanted to call a friend.
"I've killed people." Sveta said, "I'm a monster."
"You aren't a monster."
"Did he kill people?"
"Who?"
"Lizard Prince."
I thought a moment, "I don't know. He was... I think he was a thief."
"I've killed over a hundred people." She said, hollowly.
We sat in silence for several seconds. I didn't know what to tell her- but it would not, could not be that she was a monster. But a death toll in triple digits...
You didn't see that kind of death toll associated with capes often. Usually only an Endbringer inspired that kind of fear. But I'd heard of a few. Really scary names that I knew even before I became a permanent insomniac with a need to know. Doctor Bonesaw. Futsunushi. Profaner. String Theory. The Birdcage held a few of those, which didn't bode well for Lizard Prince.
There were many villains that had sunk to depths I could hardly fathom, and many mundane people as well. You didn't need powers to become a monster.
But telling her she wasn't so bad because those were so much worse was not the answer. I thought about Doctor Selmy, and his story about Feral. Feral had made it, had triumphed, but Sveta's problems were very different. Feral's power had been useful and controllable, even if her attempts to use it to heal had backfired. Doctor Selmy had been in her corner, surely others had helped her as well. And she'd made it, become a hero...
Maybe that was the biggest problem, Sveta was really isolated- her power made it almost impossible for her to do something as mundane as talk face to face with someone. I remembered those first few days, what it had been like, that horrible loneliness. I had hurt people, killed someone. What was it like for Sveta, trapped in that room alone? Alone except for the ghosts, as I had been?
"Sveta, do you think... Maybe I could stop by?" I asked.
"You want to?"
"Of course!"
Sveta looked uncertain, but I could tell she very, very much would have liked that.
"Doctor Yamada suggested it, it's just been so hectic..." I paused, the idea occurring, Sveta and Mimi both had similar problems, maybe having someone to talk to- someone who understood them and what it was like, that would help? I'd need to ask Doctor Yamada. "Actually, would you like me to bring some friends?"
"Friends?"
"Yeah, I'm helping a couple patients. It's a new program. I think they'd really like to meet you."
Sveta's tendrils spasmed, and her eyes darted to the side, seeking escape. She probably didn't get many visitors. "Meet me? Talk? To me?"
"I think they might. Would you like me to ask?"
Sveta looked panicked- the tendrils around her head stood out, seeking something to grasp. A moment later, she rallied her control and they subsided.
"Y-y-y-you would do that?" She stuttered, looking unsure, scared, and extreamely nervous. Her eyes darted away and down, looking away.
"I'm sure they'd like to." I said, "You could talk to us through the glass."
Sveta stared at me, "M-maybe. Maybe." she hedged.
"Just think about it, all right? I'll ask them, ok?"
Sveta hesitated, but eventually nodded, "Yes, ok..."
It was a start. Sveta needed it at least as much as any of my friends, I wondered what Mimi would make of her.
(•͈⌔•͈ ﾂ
Sveta's face as she struggled for control haunted me long after she signed off. It was a bad night for her, she was emotional and distracted and her power kept acting up whenever her focus wavered. I promised I'd talk to her again at a better time, but I think she was relived when I finally signed out.
The silence after I closed the chat window made me antsy, I wanted to be doing something.
I worked on a paper for a half hour, I opened the desktop calendar and checked my scheduale for tomorrow- the morning was cleared out, I'd be meeting Mimi and Elle before breakfast. I'd have group therapy in the evening.
There was an email from Emma.
Hey, Taylor
It was really cool to see you with a mask and everything. Not really liking highschool without you. Sorry about being down when we came by. You're a dork, but you were fun to be a dork with.
I could do with regular old dork stuff right now. Dad's been talking about pulling me out of school. The gangs are fighting in the streets all the time now.
The BBB and the Protectorate are trying to keep a handle on it. The Marche and the Fae are winning, I think. Ingenue fought off Lung and Butcher, which was huge. I mean, can you imagine? It's freaking Lung and Butcher, that's really scary, especially since she doesn't really have a flashy power.
Butcher's really tall and she has so many powers, and Lung is huge even without his power pumping him up. Even Marquis is more dangerous looking than her.
(Remember how you used to have a crush on him? I do!)
I choked, laughing and covering my face in my hands. Oh, Emma. She went on, rambling in a familiar cheery vein, talking about everything and nothing.
It was soothing, heartening to read it and let myself get lost in simpler problems, far away from the worries and concerns of Alchemilla. It was strange to think about. School and things happening in Brockton Bay, a movie coming out and if she should try to ask a boy out to it. Those were things I would have cared about a year ago- or, no, that was not the right way to put it. They still mattered. But I had a fresh perspective, I saw them differently now; at once smaller, and yet dearer.
Mister Gladly (He's my homeroom teacher) says we're going to have villain drills now. In case there's a fight at school. Wish you were here. I'd feel a lot safer knowing my BFF has my back.
I can't wait until you get back, Taylor. Good luck.
My smile faded gradually, as I considered tomorrow, and everything I needed to do. I would get out.
Morning saw me at the exercise room the moment curfew lifted, working on the treadmills. I was concentrating on incremental improvements, both of my stamina, and of my power's ability to sense and interpret information from my body. My breathing and heartbeat, and the components of motion. The muscles in my legs, my torso, my arms...
I needed to look up anatomy, ask for textbooks... I was not entirely certain how effective reading up on it would be, but it would give me some perspective, help me put names to the individual muscles, tendons, and bones I was starting to pick out from the noise.
I'd never realized how much was happening in my body at any given time. Blood was pumped. Lungs inhaled and expanded, pulling in air. Nerves fired off synapses with every movement. Everything was connected in complex interaction of chemistry on a scale I could only just sense, but it was getting stronger.
I thought about ways to help Mimi and Elle. Things to try, and questions to ask when I talked to the doctors.
What programs where there, were there precedents for Mimi's case? For Elle's ? I'd wondered what my power could do, to help them. I could communicate with Elle, understand her even when she was unresponsive in a fugue. I could feel when Mimi's powers were acting up. I could help them.
... I needed to ask for more books... Needed to ask about independent capes... My list kept getting longer- no, no, focus.
I rested my forehead on my arms, closing my eyes and just feeling with my power. Alchemilla spread around me, a network of rooms and halls, so small. And in it, the people I knew.
Most were still in their rooms, but now there was a blank spot, a void centered around one room, Mantellum. My power could not touch it, a place where it was removed, taken out. Both fasinateing and intimidateing.
The room I had met with the doctors yesterday, with Mimi and Elle. There were points there- two people. Not Doctor Yamada- two others I was familiar with, but not as bright. Probably Werneck and Fox. I checked the clock on the wall- I was going to meet with them in a half hour. Probably time to get ready.
I headed to the showers. I changed. I grabbed one of my notebooks, and began writing. I directed a sliver of attention to my power, trying to bend it to the clock, to keeping time. I wasn't sure if I was making any progress when I checked and found I was six minutes from my appointment, and I stood up from my desk, tucking my notebook under one arm and started walking.
I followed the hall back into admin, back to the little leftover meeting room. As I had suspected, Werneck and Fox looked up in surprise when I opened the door.
"Ah, Auspice, you're early," Werneck said, arching an eyebrow, "Why don't you have a seat?"
I pulled out one of the chairs opposite the doctors and scooted in, trying to get a feel for the mood.
"Is Doctor Yamada coming in?" I asked.
"I'm afraid not today. There was an emergency involving another patient."
Oh. I felt mildly disappointed.
"Are you feeling all right?" Doctor Fox asked.
"Sure." I did feel all right, a bit nervous maybe, but not really apprehensive of working with Mimi and Elle. Maybe a bit nervous because I was being assessed, I could feel it. The attention directed at me from the table was sharp and focused.
"How would you say yesterday with Burnscar and Labyrinth went?" Doctor Fox asked, adjusting his glasses absently. His glasses slid back down his nose almost immediately, and he took them off with a tiny frown.
"It went really well."
"We have time. Why don't you tell us about it?"
I tried to be as through as I could, and followed the day. Mimi and Elle and everything that had happened with Nick and Heather. It wasn't much, but, interestingly, I got the impression they were assessing my performance more than Mimi or Elle. Which made sense, I guess, for Elle, since nothing had transformed, but it still puzzled me.
"Well," Doctor Fox said, after I finished, "It sounds like good news!"
It sounded like a question, and more like he was asking Werneck then directing it to me. I glanced at Werneck, as he consulted a loose sheaf of papers on a clipboard. I guessed it was his notes.
"Security did not report any disturbances," Doctor Werneck said, "You did very well, Auspice."
Well, that felt like a very low bar to meet. I frowned faintly, "Okay..."
I laid my notebook on the table, "I've been doing some thinking, and looking stuff up. Elle has a lot of trouble communicating, but my power works very well on her, yesterday I could tell when she was joking around with Heather. She's in there, she just can't talk sometimes."
Doctor Fox sat up straight, and Werneck actually looked up.
"You can communicate with Labyrinth when she is in a fugue?" Werneck said, peering at me with a great deal of consideration, and a spike of interest, "Or, perceive her, then?"
"More along the lines of preceiving. I think. When we were lost in the basements I held her hand for a while, to help her walk. I think I've probably had more continuous contact with her than anyone else."
"And that lends itself to your perception's acuity." Werneck said, "Your power is broader and more potent with prolonged contact."
"Yes."
Doctor Werneck made a considering sound in his throat, and wrote on the clipboard. "In-processing missed a lot, it seems. I'm gong to make a note, we might need to put you through a review." He glanced at the page in his hands.
There was a pause, just enough of one that it felt awkward. Doctor Fox leaned forward, clearing his throat, "Auspice, would you be interested in another review? A couple tests?"
I glanced between Doctor Werneck and Doctor Fox, "Um, yes? I think? What would it I be doing?"
"Just touch base, hopefully catch any new developments, and possibly discover any additional nuances to your power." Doctor Werneck added, he picked up a pen and made a note on his clipboard.
"Oh." I said, and then an idea occurred to me, tentative plans falling into place, "Um... When is it? Would, uh, Burnscar or Labyrinth be able to try as well?"
Werneck looked up, "Come again?"
"Would Mimi or Elle be able to do it too?" I repeated, "It might be a good opportunity to work with them, and if it goes well it would be a great step in the right direction."
All three of them looked surprised, but Werneck's surprise faded into amusement, "It sounds like you are taking this sponsor program very seriously."
There was an odd note in his voice that... grated on me. "Yes, I am taking it very seriously."
"Hm." Doctor Werneck glanced down at his clipboard again, "Considering recent events, maybe it would be prudent to touch base with the two of them as well. Labyrinth's flair-up was an aberration from previous models, and Burnscar is certainly due an Interjection."
Doctor Fox glanced at him sharply. "Cassio, is that appropriate?" he said, unstated horror and scandal sharp in my perception. Doctor Werneck appeared unconcerned and I thought I detected a hint of smug dissmissal.
"It isn't as if she won't hear about it soon enough," Doctor Werneck replied, and raised an eyebrow, "Did you think she would not hear from a nurse or an orderly?"
I glanced between them, Doctor Fox was his junior, and Doctor Werneck dominated their dynamic. He wouldn't object strongly enough to dissuade Doctor Werneck if he decided to say something, "... An 'Interjection'?"
Doctor Werneck smiled thinly for my benefit, "The technical term is an Agent Interjection, it is related to parahuman inability to remain on standby. You see, parahumans without a regular outlet, without a minimum threshold of stimulus, activity, and use of their powers become prone to outbursts. Bouts of paranoia. Delusions, dissociation... Violence. It is commonly believed that it is related to the source of their powers prompting their use with increasing insistence." He rapped his pen on the clipboard, "Burnscar is a prime example. Burnscar displays many of the symptoms of an imminent Agent Interjection."
I frowned, but Doctor Werneck was... He was being helpful. There was no malice from him, only a pragmatic, frank honesty. It was strange, but Doctor Werneck did not mean any offense by it, quite the opposite.
"What about ride-alongs?" I said.
Doctor Werneck leaned back, again surprised, but less inclined to react by this point. "Ride alongs?"
"Yes. Ride-alongs. Doctor Selmy mentioned them. Patients with good behaviour going on patrols with Protectorate heroes, charity events, disaster relief. Small-exposure hero work."
"You're interested in going on one."
Yes, but that wasn't the point I was looking to make, "Mimi- Burnscar could do it. Maybe Labyrinth too." I said, "I want to make Going on one their goal. Their long-term goal."
"Given the chronic nature of her condition, it is unlikely that Burnscar will ever leave Alchemilla jurisdiction." Doctor Werneck said, frankly.
"Cassio!" Doctor Fox said sharply.
I blinked , the memory of Lizard Prince, smarmy and self-satisfied, smiling and assured, like he wasn't going to the Birdcage. "The ones that don't get better. Actual crazies. They aren't considered for release. Too unstable."
It cut me so cleanly that I felt the blood leave my face in a cool rush, "What?"
Werneck's face was a dispassionate mask. "Auspice, you have to understand, Burnscar has killed people before she came here. She has injured multiple staff and some other patients. She has a highly invasive power that drives her to use it in an uncontrolled fashion, one which has a lot of potential for destruction and loss of life."
"And... And so you're giving up on her?" I said, faintly.
Doctor Fox looked uncomfortable, but Doctor Werneck looked at me with an expression I couldn't name. His face was curiously immobile, but maybe it was, "No. Of course not. But, you have to understand, I've worked here for years Auspice. I have learned not to hope for too much."
Mimi was... She didn't want to be a villain, she wasn't evil. Mostly, she just wanted her life back. I knew how she struggled, and hated how her power ruled her life. I was starting to get angry.
"You... You're saying there is no chance of release, no treatment? No hope of going into the Protectorate? Mimi could be a great hero. Nothing?"
Doctot Fox interrupted, "That is not what we mean, Auspice, but... you might want to start somewhere much smaller."
My pulse was pounding in my ears. I was breathing a little hard, and I haden't realized it. I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing, deep breath in, deep breath out. Calm. Calm.
Yes, a smaller goal, set a smaller goal and work towards it. One step at a time. But the anger was still there.
There was a sound, the door opening, and my focus widened. My power had narrowed to the doctors sitting across from me, and now I drew it back and out, my world expanded. Mimi and Elle were on the other side of that door, as it swung open, I could see them and I had a moment to school my face. It took herculean effort to straighten my shoulders, and smooth my expression into something that looked calm- to try to look a little less like how I felt. It would do no good to show either of them that kind of front.
"Good morning," Doctor Werneck said.
Mimi paused in the threshold, Elle bumping into her back. The orderly behind them glancing over.
"Sorry we're a little late, doctors. Burnscar wanted to do some breathing exercises."
Doctor Fox glanced in my direction, I could feel the flash of attention, but Doctor Werneck was impassive as ever.
"Good to see you, come on in." he said.
I didn't know what to say, what to do. I wasn't going to tell Mimi, or Elle, that they weren't getting out of here. He was wrong. He had to be wrong. It couldn't be that hopeless, there had to be ways.
I realized after a moment that Mimi was staring at me, and maybe I let the silence stretch a hair too long. "Hey," I said, voice carefully light.
She smiled in return, a real smile. For once, I could honestly feel her good mood, I don't think she noticed anything out of the ordinary. "Good morning."
I felt myself relax a fraction.
But my gut kept churning, I felt sick.