After subduing Thoth, with some help from Anubis who smelled like an Olympian, we dragged our too smart for his own good friend back up to our hotel room. Sadly, I had to pay off several nymphs in order to keep their silence, the greedy buggers. Finishing the last knot that tied Thoth to a chair I commandeered from the dining room, I crossed my arms as I stood in front of him, Anubis by my side, unfortunately.
"You smell like shit." I turned my head the other way after getting a sniff of the jackal. Hopefully his stench wouldn't infect my mask, I only brought a couple of the different variants I used. This was one of my favorites.
"Fish if you want to be more accurate." Thoth said sarcastically before Anubis could fire back. A weird choking noise escaped from Anubis' throat, who had also turned a deep shade of pink despite his black fur.
"Shut it, you!" Anubis pointed at Thoth's beak. "How could you let us be so irresponsible!? Amun-Ra sent you here to keep an eye on us so we don't piss the Olympians off."
"More like keep an on you." I spoke up, using one of my hands to cover my nose through my mask.
"Technically I'm the head of this delegation, despite the presence of Princess Khepri here." Thoth shrugged, his sarcasm never fading, it must've been his hangover. "What's wrong? Can't handle round two with the fish?"
Yeah, Thoth sounded really pissed off. We must've been pretty bad last night to break his tolerance, and by we, I obviously meant Anubis. Aside from ending at a shady hotel with Loki, after they pretended to be Artemis, I was on my best behavior. The two idiots didn't need to know about me flooding the strip club Zeus and his brothers were eating brunch full of bugs.
"The next would've been round six." Anubis said under his breath. That made me pause, which led to my eyes widening under my mask. That explained the smell-
"That's disgusting!" I jumped from my spot next to Anubis, and scooted closer to Thoth's chair.
"DON'T JUDGE ME I WAS DRUNK." Anubis raised his hands in self defense. I swore I saw a tear fall from one of his eyes. "I don't even like scales." He squeaked that last part. Ah shit, this wasn't good. The tabloids were going to have a field day if this ever got out. I could already see it now.
Poseidon cucked by foreign dignitary.
Hopefully Anubis didn't end up a male unicorn and mess with my hunt for Set and Apophis cultists.
A job that I've been neglecting too much…
"You shouldn't be judging Khep." Thoth grinned, which sent a shiver down my spine. He was really enjoying this for some reason. "Considering you went with Loki of your own free will, albeit drunk."
"Loki's here?" Anubis' sad demeanor immediately changed with the large grin on his muzzle. Thoth really was too smart for his own good.
"You knew the whole time and you let me go with them?!" I exclaimed, taking a step towards our captive friend. He was a bad one since he allowed everything to happen. I'd probably forgive him in a decade or so if I was being honest.
Thoth sighed. "This is why Ma'at said to never let you drink. You can't even handle a seltzer."
"What does this have to do with you letting us act like fools!?" Anubis turned his fury on our beaked friend. Thoth's left eye twitched ever so slightly.
"Hm, it seems like a god and a goddess need a reminder." Thoth murmured, his eyes starting to glow ever so slightly.
"Thoth no!"
He snapped his fingers.
"Artemis?" I slurred as I leaned against Thoth's chair to avoid falling. I elbowed the god of magic in the side. "Heh, who ordered this tall glass of water to quench my thirst."
"You should've had water instead of a second margarita." Thoth said, eyeing Artemis up and down.
"My eyes are up here pinhead." Artemis placed a hand on her hip, her form-fitting dress doing its best to show off her curves. It was black, which contrasted well with her lavender skin.
"Nice try, Loki." Thoth rubbed his forehead. Anubis had moved on from arm wrestling to real wrestling, this time with Amphrite who had him in a chokehold. "I don't know how you found out about our visit, but I don't think Khepri, nor Artemis, would appreciate such a deception."
"Thoooooth! Leave Artemis alone." I lightly slapped his shoulder. "She's the only one who likes my puns! They're punny!"
"They're a punishment from Isis." Thoth replied evenly. Heh, pun-ishment. I struck another gold mine! Or did that one belong to Thoth?
Artemis ignored Thoth and leaned in close towards me. "Let's ditch these losers, this place sucks."
"This place rocks!" Anubis shouted, finally freeing himself from Amphrite's grip before being tackled to the ground by Poseidon. Anubis grabbed a broken table leg and smacked Poseidon's torso. The small section of the restaurant saved for us had long been evacuated due to the devastation caused by the three gods.
"Hmmmmmm." I placed a hand on my chin. Artemis did seem more fun to hang out with than people who didn't appreciate my comedy genius.
"Khepri, I must advise against this. Even while drunk you know that isn't actually Artemis." Thoth protested, standing up from his seat, one of the few pieces of furniture not wrecked by the wrestling match.
Artemis batted her eyelashes and pucked her lips while forming another pose.
"Yeah, no." I stood up from my seat unsteadily. "I'm going with the hot goddess."
"Yay!" Artemis beamed, and interlocked her elbow with mine.
"Khepri-" Thoth moved to grab my arm, but I was faster, slapping the side of his head with my free hand. He stumbled into his seat.
"I'm going with the hot goddess." I slurred a second time before being dragged away.
Hot goddess good.
"What the actual fuck?" I needed to take a seat, that was a lot of information to take in all at once. "Thoth, I'm so sorry."
Thoth raised an eyebrow. "A truly sorry person would free me from this, but I can handle it myself." Another snap from his fingers caused the rope to loosen.
"I had a wrestling match in a steakhouse." Anubis said slowly. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "That's kinda awesome."
"Yup." Thoth popped the p at the end dryly. "And they sent the bill for the portion that you destroyed."
"That's not awesome." Anubis' grimace almost made yesterday's trainwreck worth it. "But at least Loki's here!"
"I hate life."
Watching television was fun, Mom had never allowed Persephone to watch anything that came from Mount Olympus. The reality shows were fun, the angry Celtic chef screaming at restaurant owners was a bit scary, but it was also fun! He really knew how to insult people.
Watching the news was also fun, it helped Persephone to know what was going on in Olympus, and occasionally the Underworld.
"In other news, Geryon's Steakhouse has been completely devastated by a rambunctious dinner between King Poseidon and members of the Egyptian delegation from Kemet." The cyclop's news reporter on the television said seriously.
"Woah." Persephone's eyes widened. She had only gotten a few glimpses of the three diplomats, but she never imagined them being capable of doing such a thing. The news channel played the security footage from a camera aimed at the main entrance.
"The main culprits, aside from King Poseidon, are Anubis and Thoth. We have reached out to their representatives and as of right now, have still not received a response." The Cyclop's continued speaking. "Also attending the dinner was Artemis, a member of The Goddesses of Eternal Maidenhood, who was spotted leaving the steakhouse with the Egyptian goddess Khepri."
Persephone's mouth dropped as the security footage played, showing a drunk Khepri being dragged on the ground by her best friend.
"Artemis! Did you go out last night?" Persephone shouted loud enough to be heard in the kitchen.
"No! Why?" Artemis shouted back. Huh, that was weird, cause the goddess on the news was definitely Persephone's roommate.
"You're going to want to see this then!" Persephone leaned back against the couch as the news reporter started droning on about the damages.
"See what?" Artemis appeared out of nowhere, wearing her jogging pants and her sports bra. She paused when her eyes drifted to the television. "What the fuck?"
"Language."
A/N
This chapter was extremely fun to write. I hope I've managed to capture that Lore Olympus vibe.