[EDITED 5/13/18 : Thanks to Kuro-Neko and Ziel.]
[A young hawk, an unfledged nestling taken from the nest for training.]
(•͈⌔•͈ ﾂ
Deep breaths. Deep breaths. I'd known this was coming for a while. It felt like the first time I'd ever attended group therapy, all the butterflies in my stomach. No need to be so nervous.
In my extra-awareness, Mimi's mood was anxious, but level. Elle was eager, looking forward to it, a little jittery but it was the good kind of jittery. I glanced at Elle and she smiled back, just a little absently. She was pretty aware today. Her mood helped counter-balance my own apprehension.
Doctor Ferris was already seated, looking over her notes. When we looked up, she smiled, "Auspice! And your friends... You prefer Mimi, right?"
"I, um, yes." Mimi muttered.
"And Labyrinth, you're a little early, would you like to take a seat?"
I moved to the circle of chairs, leading Elle along by the hand, with Mimi trailing along nervously behind me. I sat at the far wall, Elle on one side, Mimi on the other.
"I'm glad you could join us today." Doctor Ferris said, and I could sense she was being truthful, too. Oh, she was nervous, but she was happy to see them. I was getting better at picking out nuances.
"I'm glad... To be here too." Elle said, with tightly controlled enunciation.
"Y-yeah." Mimi added, and gave a watery smile.
"Will we be having anyone new today?" I asked. The past few weeks had been so chaotic, my group had been divided up and reassigned over and over again. I was hoping some kind of normalcy would be established. I understood the entire point of group therapy was to establish a support network of peers, but the chaos had denied the opportunity for anything like that since Elle had created her dreamworld. Before then, it'd been a regular group with Charnel, Heather, Nick, Blake... and Benny.
Doctor Ferris looked up from her clipboard, let it hang by her side, tapping her leg. It felt like a tic, a nervous habit. Idly, I pushed deeper.
-she emotes with her hands- nervous? Too much coffee. Is excited. Wants this to work. Genuine. Believes sessions are generally helpful-
"We're trying to get everyone set up with a regular group again." Doctor Ferris said, smiling. She was being truthful.
I glanced at Mimi, "I really hope Mimi and Elle can keep coming, that's not going to be a problem, will it?"
"No, it won't." Doctor Ferris said with finality. Truth. ...Mimi and Elle were going to be joining my group on a permanent basis, then?
I glanced at the chairs, five were empty. "Who else is coming?" I asked instead.
"Heather and Nicholas, and another girl. Gretchen."
"Tulpa?"
"You've met." Doctor Ferris said, deadpan.
"Yeah..."
Doctor Ferris shook her head and sighed, "That girl... yes. Charnel as well, and a guest. You've met her, Feral."
I nodded slowly. All people I knew. And all of them knew most or all of each other. I thought about my group. What I knew about them. I'd never even seen the real Gretchen, I think. Heather and Nick had been in my group more consistently than anyone else. Blake... I was sad to see him go, but His attendance had dropped off since Benny died. I hadn't really expected him to return.
But, with Mimi and Elle, and Heather... More than half the group was part of a sponsorship... Charnel was some kind of sponsor, Feral was working with her. Maybe Gretchen was too?
I didn't know what to think about that. Didn't know if I wanted to know, there was a lot of pressure tied to that, if I was right. If it wasn't being built around the sponsorship program, was it... built around what?
A moment later, A girl in blue stepped through the door- without opening it first.
"Hey!"
Elle gave a squeak, and Mimi flinched. I'd been watching the door, so I wasn't as surprised. But I was far too used to using my power to warn me of people approaching, I still hadn't felt her coming. I really needed to try using my mundane senses more.
"...Gretchen..." Doctor Ferris sighed, then glared at her sternly, "Stop trying to startle everyone."
Gretchen skipped across the floor and waved to Mimi, "Hey!"
Mimi blinked back at her, "Hey."
"You're Burnscar, right?" Gretchen said, "I'm Tulpa. I think I've seen you around a few times, but we've never talked?"
"Uh, yeah." Mimi said, giving me a nervous side-eye.
"I'd offer to shake your hand, but-" Gretchen reached out and slid her hand across Mimi's face. It disappeared up to the wrist. Mimi jumped a little and shied back away from it, shooting a desperate glance my way.
"Gretchen, please." Doctor Ferris said, a little louder, standing up.
-slightly hesitant when she looks at Mimi. Mimi doesn't have a good history with groups. Ferris worried she'll set her off-
"It's okay." I said. I put a hand on Mimi's shoulder, gave her a reassuring squeeze, "I'm pretty sure that's just her way of saying hi."
"Heh. No hard feelings?" Gretchen grinned.
Mimi nodded slowly, not looking relived at all.
Doctor Ferris led Gretchen out, and I could sense from Doctor Ferris' side they held a very quiet and serious conversion- probably about personal boundaries. Mimi's nerves were shot, but Elle's response was even worse. She was glowering, actually frowning at the door.
I reached out and took her hand.
"You doing all right, Elle?"
Slow, languid blinks brought her back to herself, and she turned away from the door.
I could still feel the anger off her, the irritation.
"I don't... Don't like her."
-Annoyed. Hates Gretchen-
That was... A lot clearer than most of what usually I picked up off of Elle. "You don't need to hate her, Elle." I admonished her. A little jolt of surprise from Elle at that. Then curiosity. "I think I'm getting better at reading you."
"You... You...can." A distinct impression of query followed.
"Not that good." I added. Elle's disappointment was sharp. She hated not being able to speak, "It's all right Elle, I can still understand you."
Elle's attention drifted, further away, but more concrete.
-Still annoying. 'I hate Gretchen'. Annoying-
"Yeah, she is, I guess."
I turned to look at Mimi, and she quickly glanced away. I could feel a distant pang of loneliness from her, that bitterness, and that same envy from before. She was right here with us, did she still not think of herself as my friend? Maybe it was just habit, thinking of herself as an outsider, but I wasn't going to stand for it.
I reached out and squeezed her shoulder, Mimi looked back up and I squeezed again. No more of that; dammit Mimi, I'm going to get through to you.
Gretchen and Doctor Ferris stepped back in. Doctor Ferris took her seat, but Gretchen diverted and stopped in front of our little trio, "Um, sorry for spooking you."
Mimi nodded slowly, a little shy of Gretchen... I'd been concentrating on Elle, and her reaction, but now that I was looking for it, Mimi really was spooked.
It'd never occurred to me, but was Mimi afraid of powers? I hadn't made the connection. But someone who fought her own power so much... I could feel her apprehension, and I wondered.
Mimi cleared her throat, "Um- yeah, it's okay." she stuttered.
"Stop it." Elle enunciated carefully.
Gretchen laughed a little, "Yeah, sorry about that. I didn't know you'd fall over."
She plopped down next to Mimi. Doctor Ferris kept an eye on Gretchen, surreptitiously. She pretended to leaf through her notes, but her attention remained almost entirely on Gretchen. Who started chatting with Mimi.
"You knocked her over?" Mimi asked.
"No, I startled her and she just tipped on her own."
("So, what kind of television you like?")
("Uh... Um...")
I'll rescue you, if you need the help, Mimi. Until then...
I glanced back at Elle, she was still frowning. Not exactly angry, just kind of irritated and petty, but it was deeper than before. Oh, I hoped this wasn't the start of a strange grudge.
The door opened again, Heather and Nick this time. Heather had the strangest look on her face. Behind her, Nick was talking animatedly with Feral, who took up the rear with Charnel.
"This all of us?" Feral asked.
"Indeed!" Doctor Ferris leaned forward, "Everyone take a seat, let's get right into it."
Feral sat down beside Heather, Nick between Gretchen and Heather. Charnel sat next to Doctor Ferris and completed the circle. I focused my power on one, then another, cycling through each and sampling their emotions and anxieties. Getting a feel for the group as a whole.
"This is going to be a trial period, testing the waters to see if we can work together. After the past couple weeks, and the disruptions. I understand that not all of your know each other."
Doctor Ferris gestured across the circle.
"This is just a meet and greet," she continued, a resounding sense of confidence resonating with her voice as she spoke. There were nerves beneath that, tempered by experience. "It is intended to help us establish whether we ought to move forward as a group. Before we get started, I know some of you have participated in a formal group setting before and you understand the rules. The rest of you might not be familiar with how group support works. I want to establish some ground rules."
Nods all around. Nick, Gretchen and Feral all seemed familiar with this. Heather was bored already. Mimi's tension was still steady, I was pretty sure this was new for her. New, or something she had experience with, but not positive experience. Elle had a mischievous inclination that I had trouble placing. She was excited, I think? Eager. Maybe she was just excited about working with a large group? With her powers, it had to be difficult. Maybe the opportunity had never come up before. I'd almost call it truculent, except it was Elle...I honestly couldn't tell if Charnel was paying attention or not; she seemed a little vacant, staring straight ahead.
Doctor Ferris flipped a page.
"This is a confidential group setting. Confidentiality and anonymity foster honesty and help make this a safe place to share. In keeping with the rules of confidentiality, anything said between any two or more group members at any time is part of the group discussion and is confidential."
"There is an exception, which applies to the group leader." Doctor Ferris said, "I am group leader. If I believe that someone is in danger, I have a professional obligation to take direct action in order to keep everyone safe."
-her emotions were muted when she looked at Mimi. Her confidence retreated. She didn't believe it would help Mimi, not deep down-
"No group member is required to answer any question, to participate in any activity, or to tell anything. If you are asked questions you do not need to answer them, you do not need to participate in an activity that makes you uncomfortable. You have the right to pass, the right to refuse." Doctor Ferris continued, glancing around the circle, "I do believe you will benefit more from the group the more you are able to take risks sharing and participating, but no one can or will force you to do so."
"There is to be no hazing. No group member is to be humiliated, hazed, or abused in any way. Violence or intimidation toward other group members will never be tolerated. Violate this rule and you will be asked to leave the group.
"As group leader, I will enforce these rules and guidelines." Doctor Ferris tapped her clipboard on her knees, "Any questions?"
There was a moment of silence. I glanced around the circle, from face to face. The atmosphere of the group was mixed. Feral was faintly nostalgic. Mimi was painfully nervous, churning with anxiety. I could see her clenching her hands on top of her knees, everything drawn in. Gretchen noticed too, and leaned in, whispering. Mimi actually relaxed a little, after a moment.
"Well, none here?" Feral drawled, "You mind if I start the introductions?"
Doctor Ferris leaned back, "Go ahead. Feral."
Feral stood, sitting down she towered over us all even more than before.
"All right. I know this isn't really a done thing, but I- I'm Kalie. I'm a hero with the Protectorate, go by Feral, which I think most of you know." Her eyes flickered in my direction, "I'm on leave right now, and I'll be back on the clock in two weeks. But, I spent a couple years here, and I know it can be rough. Ya know? I'm gonna be helping you all get in the rhythm in the meantime."
She was flush with a brash, forward kind of recklessness. Just giving out her real name. I mean, it was one thing for me to give it out here, I wasn't a hero and never had been. I didn't have any enemies, and most of us here were like that. Heather and Nick hadn't been active long enough to make waves like that. Elle had been institutionalized soon after she got powers.
I guess Mimi might have... And I didn't really know much about Charnel- all that was beside the point. Feral telling us that her name was Kalie, it was a major display of trust. I... had already guessed from the smiling photograph in Doctor Selmy's office. But coming out and saying it...
"You come by all the time." Heather groused. She was bored, and when she was bored she got irritable.
"Would you like to go next, Heather?" Doctor Ferris asked.
Heather hesitated a moment, then shrugged and stood, "All right. I'm Heather, also Glassboom. I was a Ward up in New York. Pissed off the Director, now I'm here I guess. I've been here a year." She looked at Doctor Ferris, and I could feel the challenge in the glance. Come on, Heather, work with her... "I hate it, it's boring." She blew out her cheeks in a huff, "I'm thinking this whole thing is going to crash and fail. That's just how things go around here."
Elle stewed, angrily and earnestly, it was so strange to look at her face and not see any of it. I gave her hand a squeeze. "Elle." I whispered aside, "You need to work on your anger issues."
Her incredulous bewilderment made me smile.
"Thank you for your honesty, Heather." Doctor Ferris said diplomatically. "Who's next?"
"I'll go."
I stood.
"Hi, um... I'm Taylor. My cape name is Auspice, but, I didn't pick it. I, uh, might change it after I get out I guess. I'm a Thinker." I took a deep breath, "I know all of us can do this."
Words escaped me, and I stood there a moment before I realized I probably ought to sit back down. I still hated on-the-spot speeches.
Nick stood up next.
"Um, hello." Nick might have more problems with public speaking than I did. Leading with the same shy smile and hesitation. He'd already met everyone here, but he was still very much a teenage boy confronted with a room of females, and he'd been awkward even before that. "I'm glad to m-meet you. I'm Nick. I was an Independent, and I-I'm uh, a Thinker."
He glanced around the circle, then sat down quickly.
Then Heather stood up and Elle's irritation and impatience spiked; and it only grew as Heather talked more than Nick and I had together.
Charnel stood next. Smooth, gently smiling face. She didn't look at anyone in particular, simply stared straight ahead, unblinking. "I am Maria. I am glad to meet you all." And then she sat down.
I... processed that. I certainly hadn't expected that. But, on the bright side, now I knew her name. Maybe I'd have more luck looking her up? It was something, anyway, even if the chances were slim. Capes with public identities weren't common.
And, lastly, Gretchen, who popped up and floated back down.
"Hey, I'm Gretchen, I was a Ward, kinda. Long story. This is so exciting! I get to work with so many groups! I've been really looking forward to this!"
"Very good." Doctor Ferris said. She retrieved a pair of glasses from her blouse pocket and put them on, "Now that we've gotten introduced, let's get to work."
"As a group, we are committing to help each other. The purpose of the group, and each member of the group individually, is to help each other, to be people we can rely on. We are going to stick by each other. I would like each of you to commit to that. As part of that commitment, no member of the group is going to leave or drop out without consulting and informing the rest of the group."
"I would like all of us to verbally agree, starting from my right."
That was Charnel- Maria. Putting another name to her face felt strange. "I agree." she said, still without blinking or emoting in any fashion.
"I'm on board!" Kalie said.
Heather blew out a sigh, "Sure. Whatever."
Nick fidgeted, coloring slightly. He glanced at Heather, steeling himself with that look. "Y-yeah. I'm fine with that."
"Yeah, I agree. Totally. This is great!" Gretchen was a lot more enthused. She bounced in place energetically, eerily without rocking the chair under her. She glanced to the next person in the chain. Mimi shrunk a bit, but it wasn't too bad.
"I... Yes, I'll do it."
I smiled, widely, "I'm on board."
Elle, last in line. Where all the others had responded quickly, and most confidently, I sensed hesitation from her. Was she afraid she wouldn't be able to speak? It was complicated. Hesitation coupled with real... Shyness? There was something else. A complex tangle of annoyance, aversion, enmity; she was distrustful, afraid. Cautious?
She was shy, but the real reason was she didn't like... Gretchen? No, it was too broad. I glanced at Mimi, then back at Elle.
"Come on, Elle." I said, "We all need each other."
Elle blinked, the tangle in her head straightened with what I could only call resignation. But accented with... Fondness. Yes, fondness. "Okay." She said, slowly, "I can. I will."
Doctor Ferris stood, "All right. In that case, I've a starting activity. Something low-impact to get us started." She stepped over to the wall cabinets, opened one.
"...Board games?" Heather asked, with what sounded like... No, that was actual horror.
"Yes. Something we can talk over, something that won't take too long."
Heather sputtered, Gretchen giggled.
"Hey, doc, how about we take turns picking something to do?" Kalie was actually helpful.
Doctor Ferris paused in selecting one of the boxes, "That sounds like it might work. Everybody like that idea?"
A chorus of affirmatives. The vote was unanimous.
Doctor Ferris walked back toward the circle, "Then it's settled, we'll take turns. I chose this week's activity, Heather, you would like to go next?"
"Hells yes!"
"We can set up a schedule... Kalie can you help me with the table over there?"
Something we could play together. I had never played Chinese checkers before. Neither had Heather (I could tell she thought the entire idea boring immediately)
(•͈⌔•͈ ﾂ
"Who even plays board games any more?" Heather asked.
The group gathered around the table. Elle glued to my side, Mimi uncomfortable and shrinking in her own skin, but not shying away from the more animated Gretchen. Heather seemed awed by Feral. Nick, sneaking glances at Maria and wincing, looking away. The dynamics of the group was fascinating. I touched them lightly, keeping a passive eye on the mood.
We didn't really know each other. Not yet. We were still mostly strangers, temporary friends placed together in a room.
"So, has anyone actually played Chinese checkers before?" Nick asked, idly regarding the board, which seemed to be short two blue pegs and a yellow. For the purposes of a game we had a spare cap long orphaned from its marker, the shoe from monopoly, and one of the white pegs from battleship. There were a lot of games in the cupboard.
"You mean, does anyone know the rules?" Gretchen said.
"Sure. That." Nick shrugged, fiddling with the little pewter shoe.
"Well, I have!" Kalie said, leaning over, and began demonstrating.
Doctor Ferris had parked herself at one end of the table, and said she didn't want to play. Which was fine, you couldn't play Chinese checkers with more than eight people anyway. I suspected that was intentional- to see what we did. I could still sense that impression of assessment from her, that sense of patience. And now she was stepping back and... watching and seeing what happens, before too much time and effort was wasted on a lost cause.
I was seated between Kalie and Elle now, Mimi had migrated to a place between Nick and Gretchen. Almost everyone had shifted seating, except Maria who still sat in her original chair and had not moved at all, though she looked at the board with vague interest. Heather's waving arms distract me momentarily.
Heather was weird. She both was and was not one of my closer friends here- we shared a ward and some of our schedule and I'd seen her every day since I'd started mingling with the patient population, right out the gate from day one. She was not quite a stranger- but she wasn't not quite close either. We were... different. I liked to retreat and think, she liked to jump in and engage head first.
Gretchen both was and was not a friend- in a different way. It was strange to watch her, because she was a lot like Heather. She pestered Heather and Feral fairly regularly; and to my surprise, Mimi as well. But she wasn't like Heather.
"You ever play?" Gretchen asked.
"Uh, once, years ago." Mimi asked, nervous and shy, and maybe a little bit pleased in spite of it all. She was being included. Gretchen was drawing Mimi out, instead of pushing herself deeper in.
The board was set up, Kalie explained the rules. They were remarkably simple. We started to play, moving counter clockwise around the table. When the cycle reached Elle, she hesitated, her hand on the table twitching.
"Go on Elle!" Heather said.
Elle slowly, hesitantly moved one peg, selected a hole. With painful slowness, she pushed her peg in. She leaned back, still holding my hand, and then simmered in frustration.
"So, you've had groups before, right?" Nick asked, asked Feral.
"Yeah. We still keep in touch." Kalie said, moving a piece, "We check in on each other all the time."
That reminded me, "How many patients are released?" I interjected, "Do you know? I looked it up online, and I couldn't get any hard numbers. Or names."
"I don't know everyone who's released, you know?" Kalie said with a shrug.
I frowned a little, "I want to look up success stories. Get a perspective."
Kalie paused, scratching her cheek thoughtfully, and I could feel her hesitation- multiple sentiments warring. "Well, I can talk to you. Whenever you'd like."
I opened my mouth, then closed it, "Thanks." I could work with that, right?
Still, it niggled. I empathized with Elle. Feral sniffed and gave me a knowing look.
"I can look at some case files with you, but you'll need to get authorization for anything more than just... You know, talking."
"I'm afraid that's so." Doctor Ferris added, "The protection of secret identities is very important at Alchemilla, you have to sign non-disclosure agreements just to get on the janitorial staff. There's a maze of red tape for actual psychologists and psychiatrists, and I've personally known many- good people, who were dismissed for breaking them." She gave me an apologetic smile, "I'll make a request, but it might take some time to get anything."
I nodded, looking down as Maria marched one lone peg across the board with a vague smile.
("This little peggy went to market... and then a beast ate him." Gretchen narrated.)
"Would you like to make that a subject of another meeting?" Doctor Ferris asked.
That made me more optimistic. "Yes, thank you."
Nick leaned forward to better speak around Mimi. "Should we be making group assignments? Or a schedule, or something?"
"That might be a good idea." I said.
"What order are we going in?" he asked.
Doctor Ferris said nothing, and I glanced her way. Her emotions were muted and distant. She was observing, she was... She was letting us have a hand in what the group was going to be?
"Here, let's just get a schedule written," Kalie said.
I jotted my name down- with a short note 'Success stories, w/ Kalie'. It was second on the list, after Heather's.
I guessed Heather would want... I actually didn't know. I knew she liked sports, maybe we'd take a group meeting in the gym. That might be cool.
"Wait! Wait!" Heather said, grinning, "I got an idea."
There was a light in her eyes. It was easy to imagine she just had an idea, something she thought would be fun. But probably also a very bad idea to try and actually do. Like pokeing a bear, maybe. I was learning so much about Heather.
"Idea?" Nick asked.
"It's very important to strategize." Heather said, "See, I really don't think Mims and Elle here want to deal with more time in the medium security bin of bullshit!"
"Bullshit!" agreed Elle. Heather laughed and patted Elle's head.
Strategize. "What's your idea?" I asked cautiously.
"Doc." Heather said, "Mims and Elle are still going to and from medium security, right?"
"Um, yes, I believe." Doctor Ferris said.
"What about getting them rooms up here?" Heather asked.
Doctor Ferris blinked, I did too.
"That's very considerate Heather, but I can't promise anything. I can tell you it's something that's been discussed extensively with her case doctors. It is something we're pushing for, but I really can't promise anything more."
Heather shrugged, "I know being bored really gets to me. Can't imagine it'd be any better for you two," she nodded to Mimi, "We can hang out more and shit." There was definitely a duplicitous undertone I was sensing from her, but she did have a point.
It occurred to me that, while most of the circle probably knew of each other in passing, most of them weren't anything more than acquaintances. I didn't really know Heather well. Even though I'd known her longer, I'd spent more time with Mimi and Elle- everyone else were almost strangers.
"That would be a great." Doctor Ferris said, "Mimi, Elle, we could make that a middling objective to work towards for our next meeting."
"That's not for a week." Heather said.
"Week!" Elle said. Earning a pat from Heather.
Doctor Ferris sighed, "Heather don't be like that, you know how this works. I have to pass requests like that up the line."
"Yeah, yeah." Heather said, and moved a peg.
I glanced across the table. Nick went, then Gretchen. Mimi moved, nervously glancing around the circle of faces as she did so. Elle moved, slowly, laboriously.
"Our hour is almost up," Gretchen said.
"Heck yeah," Heather groused, "Board games? We're super heroes! We should be using our powers and shit. It's all bullshit,"
"Bullshit!" Fond ruffle of Elle's hair.
"Stop teaching Elle to curse!" Mimi exclaimed in dismay.
Elle glanced at Mimi and gave a little hrumph.
"Elle here is just a sweet little bundle of joy. Well maybe that's stretching it. You're cool to hang out with though." Heather cooed. She pinched Elle's cheeks lightly. In response, Elle leaned back slightly- surprised and a little bit offended.
Gretchen laughed, and Kalie grinned slightly. Mimi looked fretful, and, to my other senses, was torn between shying away and joining in. I knew the feeling myself sometimes, with Emma in a crowd. Wanting friends, but not managing that jump.
I wasn't too worried about Elle getting offended. Elle holding a grudge against Heather or Gretchen was a little like a tiny kitten holding a grudge, and throwing up in your shoes. Might be annoying, but ultimately harmless.
Elle batted Heather's hand away with a clumsy wave of her hand, frowning and scowling. She was really annoyed now.
"Aww... Too bad." Heather pouted.
"Don't pinch her cheeks." Mimi mumbled.
"Why not?"
"She hates stuff like that." Mimi said, "She... She's all there. Not slow in her head, or anything. She just can't connect the same way we can." Mimi scowled, and I felt the faintest tremor in her power, the pendulum rocking in the background speeding up.
Heather laughed, and I remembered her pushing the heavy woman that first day; I prepared to step in and redirect the rise I felt in Mimi's temper.
I almost jumped when Maria leaned forward, Everyone at the table did. Maria had watched silently for most of the meeting. I think she couldn't have spoken more than three times. And even now, her face was completely, perfectly expressionless. "Is she amusing to you?"
"Yeah." Heather said carefully, "She's totally adorable."
"No! No, she isn't!" Mimi seethed.
"Quiet, cinnamon child."
Mimi blinked, bewildered, "I... What?"
"Well!" Doctor Ferris said, standing with a smile that was only slightly forced. She gathered up her notes.
"Our time is up, I think. And this looks like a good point to leave off." She looked down at the board, Looks like you win, Taylor."
I stared at the board, I hadn't been paying attention. I had three pegs in my end of the board. I hadn't been paying attention.