Safely on the Edge

by FictionWriter91

Rita Vrataski never dreamed she'd be a soldier, yet here she is. With death surrounding her daily and feeling hopeless about seeing her loved ones again, Rita starts hardening again, but it also makes her reflect on her history with Luke Wright, and it becomes clearer that she really does want him back in her life. But how does one come back from breaking a heart? (Part II of III)

22. Chapter 21: 1997

Carry You by Ruelle ft. Fleurie

Hold Me Now by Red

Hold the Light by Dierks Bentley

Letter to God by Sheryl Crow

Leave a Light On by Papa Roach

Speechless by Rachel Platten

I'm Here For You by Lucas Vidal

Breathe Me by Sia

Put Me Back on the Map by Kacey Musgraves

Run by Snow Patrol

Anytime by Kelly Clarkson

Forever and a Night by Little Big Town

I'm Sending You Away by M83

---

I was inspired by the film Those Who Wish Me Dead for one scene in this chapter.

Also, this chapter is filling in blanks again from Part I past chapters, so that's why some sections are short.

---

1997

Montana, U.S.

Luke had known that Rita started to date Devon because she was trying to get back at him for dating Lisa. Why else date a guy who earlier had been of no interest to her? To him, Devon was a dolt. He didn't trust the guy, and he recently heard from Rita herself that he was trying to drown her with his kiss.

Rita deserved so much better.

It had been so hard to talk to her about French kissing without just taking her face in his hands and showing her how it was done. It aggravated him to watch her and Devon together, and he knew she was trying to get him to admit out loud that he had feelings for her, which he desperately wanted to do but couldn't.

And then Devon attacked her in the barn.

Rita's breakdown after that had scared him a little. Luke hated hearing about Rita's assault by Simon when she was younger, which made him hate Devon even more for trying to have his way with her, but he was relieved Rita had ended the relationship and had no interest in changing her mind. He couldn't get her screams out of his head, either, or her begging him to teach her how to fight.

He'd been dreading this, but it had to be done. He needed her to be able to protect herself despite his worry of her becoming like him. He spent the next three nights sparring with her, improving her efforts more and more. She was a quick study, and she soon got a blow into him before long, which had made him laugh when she apologized and looked aghast behind her hands.

Tonight, he was going to teach her how to escape from bonds. He'd decided if he was going to be teaching her things, he might as well cover a lot more than she was expecting.

"Alright," Luke said, standing in front of her. "You're gonna learn how to escape if someone restrains you."

"Is that really necessary?" Rita asked, eyeing the tape, rope, and zip ties on the table. She looked slightly nauseous.

"Do you want to die because you didn't know how to escape?" he challenged.

"No..."

"Then stop fussing and listen up."

"I'm not fussing!"

"Rita," Luke said impatiently.

"Alright, alright," she huffed. "I'm listening."

"It's all about what you do when you're being restrained," he explained.

"What if I'm unconscious?" she asked.

"We'll get to that."

She swallowed as he picked up the duct tape and moved closer to her. He knew it was making her a bit anxious, but he had to push through it, and so did she.

"First thing you're gonna do is not panic," he said. "Okay? Remember that panic and fear destroy the mind, and you won't be able to think clearly. You have to stay calm."

"I know, but it's really hard," she admitted. "Cos I'm starting to panic right now, and you're not even a bad guy."

"I feel confident that you will feel confident when we're done here," Luke said. "Arms out, please." She obeyed. "Present your hands like this." He showed her, and she mimicked him. Then he wrapped her wrists a couple of times before ripping it off. She steadied her breathing, waiting for him to explain the rest.

"It might hurt a bit, but it'll be better than whatever is coming for you," he warned.

"Okay."

"Alright," he said, positioning his arms like hers. "Lift up high over your head." She copied him easily. "Then you're gonna bring your arms down hard and fast and pull your elbows past your chest." He demonstrated, and she gave it her best shot. She seemed startled at how easily it ripped, and she looked at him in surprise.

"See? Not hard," he said. "Come on. I'll show you more." Rita was excited to learn now. Luke was patient with her and explained everything in detail. She learned all the different ways of escaping duct tape and was bouncing a little on her feet by the time he was done.

"Alright, MacGyver," he said, smiling a little at her energy. He held up the zip ties next, and she slightly gulped. "Don't worry. It's very similar to duct tape."

"Okay."

"I am going to put some tape around your wrists, though, cos I don't want you to hurt yourself," he said. "This will prevent chaffing." She let him wrap her wrists a couple of times before getting into position to be zip tied. He knew she was feeling really confident after escaping the different positions he put her in. Her favorite was the shoe laces trick apparently.

"This is so easy," she commented.

"Don't get cocky," he said. "There's a test after this."

"Oh..."

He held up the rope next. Rita listened carefully as he explained to present herself in different ways when being bound. She took a deep breath and tensed her muscles when he wrapped it around her chest to the chair; then she laughed as she managed to get free after it loosened when she exhaled and lessened her tension.

"I'm feeling a bit better knowing you can look after yourself if you're kidnapped," Luke commented when he was finished.

"Well, hopefully that never happens."

Luke hoped that would never happen either. He saw her look at his face, and he hoped she didn't catch the look of worry that went through his eyes. He'd had thoughts lately that someone could come after him through hurting her in the future, and it worried him. It didn't help, either, knowing that someone had sabotaged the climbing rope and almost killed her. He'd talked with Lance about it, and both agreed they needed to stay sharp, which Luke was.

"Come on," he said. "You're gonna learn how to escape a trunk of a car."

"Alright!"

Luke felt better after it was over knowing that she knew what to do, even if she wasn't conscious when it was happening, which he'd shown her those ways to escape too. She answered all the test questions correctly when they were done. He smiled to himself as he heard her muttering the instructions to herself later, trying to commit it to memory.

He hoped she'd never have to use it.

...

Rita was starting to feel unwell, which she had hoped wouldn't happen. Her father had been quite sick the last few days and kept to his bed, but Rita had hoped that perhaps if she'd avoided being around him, she'd be spared.

Apparently, that was not the case.

She hadn't failed to notice Luke coughing a bit himself earlier when he'd been teaching her how to escape. She hoped he wasn't going to get sick too. She finished up the chores and went to bed, praying that she'd wake up and be just fine.

Over a Week Later

Luke didn't like to admit when something scared him, but being sick like that had. He knew it had worried Lance and terrified Rita. He was trying to sleep and thinking about how Rita had stayed home from school for him to keep an eye on him. He knew she was experiencing strong feelings for him, and he wanted to confess that he returned those feelings, but he was right when he said they couldn't do this. It hurt her, but it also hurt him. He thought about Lisa next, and he wondered how long he could keep pretending that he could make that work. He sighed and turned over, trying to get comfortable. He still had a bit of a cough, which he was very much ready to get rid of.

If things were different, he'd go wake up Rita and tell her he loved her. As it was, he couldn't, and he was going to have to live with that.

If only it wasn't so damn hard.

A Month Later

Rita was sitting on the back step doing her homework when she heard footsteps coming towards her. She looked to see Lisa and cringed inside. Ever since Luke had been ill with pneumonia, Lisa had been around a lot more. Rita had done her best to stay hidden and out of the way, but when she did surprise visits like this, it was trickier to avoid her.

Why was she avoiding her? Well, Luke had made the mistake of giving her a hug in front of Lisa recently when she'd come home upset over getting a low mark on a paper, and Rita had known right away that Lisa had not liked that one bit.

"There you are," Lisa said, her tone pretending to be pleasant. "I think you and I need to have a talk."

"Oh? About what?" Rita asked, pretending to not know. Lisa leaned against the post and crossed her arms, giving Rita a level stare.

"Your pathetic little crush on my boyfriend," she answered. Rita felt her stomach clench.

Here we go.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Rita said calmly. "Luke's my best friend, and that's it."

"Uh huh, and I was born yesterday," Lisa scoffed. She crouched down in front of Rita now. "Let me make myself very clear: Stay away from him, or else you'll have me to deal with, and trust me, you will not like what I dish out. Do I make myself clear?"

"Again, not sure what you're talking about..." Rita tried.

"You really think Luke would look at you twice?" Lisa went on, talking over her. "You're kidding yourself. You're just a stupid kid, and not even that pretty to boot."

Rita hated that she felt like crying. The words stung, even if they were untrue. Rita struggled with her image sometimes, so hearing things like that didn't help. She couldn't bring herself to be angry for some reason, though. She knew Lisa was waiting for some kind of response, but Luke interrupted by appearing in the doorway.

"Hey," he said. "You ready?"

"Yep," Lisa answered sweetly. She gave Rita a meaningful look over her shoulder as she followed Luke. Rita sat there clenching her fists until the tears finally came.

And she let them all out.

...

"What were you talking with Rita about?" Luke asked, curious, after shutting his car off. He was dropping her off at her place after their date. Lisa gave a small sigh.

"Oh, just this and that," she answered. Luke had a weird feeling there was more to it than that, but he let it go. She leaned in to kiss him, and he accepted it. He was still trying to convince himself that he could really fall for her. He became a bit taken aback at how aggressively she was kissing him, and he knew she was signaling that she was ready for more. He'd never told her that he had never had sex before. He didn't know if that was relevant just yet.

"Hmm, soon, yea?" she said, pulling back from him.

"Yea," he agreed, although he wasn't really sure. He felt nervous.

"You're making me work," she teased, patting his cheek. "That's fine. I know you'll be worth it." She opened the car door and got out, leaving Luke sitting there and wondering why he didn't feel anything more than he should and knowing the exact answer.

...

Rita was struggling with her emotions hard core, Lisa's words haunting her despite her efforts to not let them. When her father went over to Kenny's, she opened his liquor cabinet and surveyed what he had in there. She'd never drunk anything alcoholic before, but tonight, she just wanted to drown her sorrows. She understood it now. She didn't want to think about Luke and Lisa anymore. She didn't want to picture Lisa undressing Luke or them having sex. She didn't want to think about how Luke might marry that bitch and leave her behind forever.

She grabbed his whiskey and opened it, wincing at the smell. She took a swig, coughing at the taste and burn, but then she downed some more. Then some more.

After a while, she felt nothing.

And it was bliss.

...

Luke came home and shrugged off his coat. He was walking towards the bathroom to have a shower when he heard snickering. He stopped and looked into the living room, finding Rita sitting on the couch and giggling around the hand pressed to her mouth.

"What's with you?" he asked, raising a brow.

"I did sssomething baaad," she said in a loud whisper, and Luke felt his heart sink as she snorted at herself.

"What did you do?" he inquired, already knowing the answer. He'd seen it enough times in other people at parties.

"I got thirrrsty," she said, holding up the almost empty bottle of whiskey. Luke didn't know whether to laugh or get mad. He knew she'd never drank before. At least, not that he was aware of. It puzzled him as to why she'd start now.

"Oh, Rita," he said. "Why?"

"Cos I'm saaad," she answered, taking another swig. He went over to take it from her gently. She wiped at her mouth and started to snort and giggle again. He set the bottle down on the coffee table and stopped her from taking it again.

"Why are you sad?" he asked, trying to keep her focus off of the bottle.

"It's a ssecret." She put a finger over her lips and shook her head before having another fit of giggles.

"It won't upset me," he promised, bracing himself. He watched her calm down and think and then drop her hands in her lap.

"Fiine. It's because you're with Lisaaaa," Rita said, drawling Lisa's name and sounding annoyed. "The girl who told me that I'm jusst a stupid kid."

"What?" Luke asked, feeling alarmed. "When?"

"Tonight," she said, waving her hand. "Apparently I'm also uuuugly."

That was so far from the truth. Even now in her drunken state, Rita was beautiful to him. "You should have told me."

"I'm telling ya now," she said logically. Then she started to laugh again and pressed her hands over her face. "Ohhhh man! I can't believe I'm telling you this stuff."

"Rita..."

"Have you slept with her yet?" Rita interrupted, dropping her hands again and staring at him now. He was taken aback. Was it written on his face that it had been discussed earlier or something?

"Rita, that's personal," he tried.

"Please don't," Rita begged, reaching to grip his arm. "Don't do that with her."

"Rita..."

"Please!" she said louder. "I need you to not do the..." she gestured with her hands "...the sex with her. Please don't."

"Let's get you to bed," he said, not wanting to engage in this. He went to pull her to her feet when she fell onto her back on the couch.

"Please, please, pleeeaaase," she said, pressing her fingers over her eyes. "Don't do it." He decided he couldn't just ignore this, whether that was a crazy decision or not.

"Why not?" he asked, sitting down next to her.

"Because!" she said, removing her hands and sitting up again to face him.

"Because...?" he said, drawing it out before pausing to look at her pointedly to indicate he was waiting for an answer.

"Because I love you," she answered, touching his face. "I love you ssso much. She is not right for you. I am. I can't bear you being with that when you should be with this." She pointed to herself now. "I want to have sex with you, but it wouldn't be just sex, it would be the other thing...the, the..." her hands were flapping a bit as she tried to find the words "...the making love thing...you and me, we'd make love, and that's what I want, but if you do it with her, I'll be broken forever and will never be able to look at you again. Ssso please don't do that with her. Ever. Please." Luke felt his heart break a little at her drunken ramble because he knew it was her deepest truth she was baring here, and hearing her confess it made him want her that much more. He didn't know what to say, though. He knew she was plastered, and he doubted she would remember talking to him about this tomorrow.

"Rita," he said softly. "We can't, remember?" He watched her move in and press her face against his. She closed her eyes. For whatever reason, he let her stay there.

"I love you, Luke," she said, her breath against his skin. It smelled strongly of whiskey, but that didn't bother him. "Pleassse don't break my heart by giving yours to her." He was thinking of what to say when she pressed her lips against his. The logical part of him was screaming to end this, but the part that longed for her took over. He cupped her face and kissed her back. The only thing wrong with this moment was that she was drunk and he was dating someone else. Oh yea, and Lance would murder him if he found out.

But it felt almost exactly how he'd imagined it; the softness of her lips made him want to lose himself in them forever, and the more they kissed the more intense it got until she was practically in his lap and his arms were tight around her. His brain was on fire; he was kissing Rita. It felt amazing. It was a little bit sloppy since she was drunk, but it wasn't terrible. When they came up for air, he knew he couldn't do this. He turned his head away slightly, and she looked at him with a dazed look on top of her drunkenness.

"I wish things were different," he said to her. "I really do. I'm sorry, Rita. I...I can't." He so wanted to, but he couldn't. He also didn't want to keep taking advantage of this moment; it wasn't fair to her. She looked like she was going to say something else when she suddenly got a strange look on her face. He recognized it instantly.

"I don't feel good," she said.

"Come on," he urged, sliding her off, taking her hand, and hauling her to the bathroom. She barely made it before vomiting, and he crouched beside her as she knelt over the toilet. He gathered her hair to keep it out of the way and ran small circles on her back with his hand. During a pause, she was breathing shakily.

"You'll feel better soon," he promised. She turned her head to look at him, and he saw the pain and sorrow in her eyes.

"Please," she whispered again. "Don't do it."

He knew she was still referring to Lisa, and her pleas were severely tugging on his heart.

"Let's talk about it later, okay?" he offered. She nodded slowly and then turned her head back and vomited again.

"Luke?" Lance called from the hallway. Luke tensed. He hadn't wanted Lance to find Rita like this.

"Don't talk about this in front of your dad," he warned Rita, and she nodded again. Whether she actually comprehended what he was saying was another matter altogether.

"Luke?" Lance asked again, pushing the bathroom door open. He grew alarmed at the sight of Rita. "What's going on?"

"It would appear that Rita got into your stash," Luke answered.

"What stash?"

"Your whiskey."

"Tattle tale," Rita muttered, spitting into the toilet.

"You're not exactly being subtle about it," he retorted. "And if someone lit a match when you exhaled, it would go up in flames."

"Well, that's a first," Lance said, trying not to laugh and maintain his stern attitude. "Rita, why on Earth would you drink my booze? You know better."

"I was trying to feel numb," she answered. Luke gave her a warning look, and she rolled her eyes.

"From what?" Lance asked on cue.

"Life."

"Oh boy," Lance said, sighing. "I can take it from here, Luke." Luke wasn't quite ready to leave Rita just yet. He was also afraid she would spill her secret love for him to her father or the fact they just made out, and that would not end well at all.

"Okay," he said reluctantly, knowing he didn't have a choice.

"No," Rita said quickly. "Luke stays."

"Rita, you're smashed," Lance said. "You need to let Luke get to bed, and you're gonna sober up and then face your punishment."

"I'm almost 17," Rita argued. "I don't need to be punished."

"You're still my kid, so yes, you're gonna get a consequence for this," Lance insisted. "Luke, leave us."

Rita reached to grip Luke's wrist tightly, but he gently pried her fingers off.

"Sleep it off," he told her. "You'll feel fine soon enough." He begged her with his eyes to not say anything else about him in front of Lance, and she seemed to understand because she let him go and sat back against the wall, pressing a hand to her face and moaning in discomfort. Luke got up and walked out, feeling all sorts of different emotions as he went. He couldn't stop thinking about her kiss, and even though it had been a drunken one, it had still felt all sorts of incredible.

He got to his room and fell onto his back on his bed, pressing his hands against his eyes. He'd given up on the idea of a shower for tonight. Her pleading voice echoed in his mind, and he felt so confused and conflicted.

What the hell was he gonna do now?

The Next Day

Rita woke up with a massive headache. She groaned and dreaded getting up. She didn't remember hardly anything aside from Luke helping her vomit safely and her father getting pissed at her. The stuff in between was a bit of a blur.

She scuffed out to the kitchen to find her father sitting at the table with his hands folded, waiting for her. She pulled out the chair across from him and sat down.

"Let's hear it," she said.

"This is serious, Rita," Lance told her, lifting a brow. "You broke into my cabinet and stole whiskey. Then you got downright sloshed, and you made yourself sick. What were you thinking?"

"Better late to the party than never going?" she countered.

"I really thought you weren't into that sort of thing."

"Well, first time for everything."

"Well, as punishment, you're helping Kenny for a week, you're doing the farm chores by yourself for a week, and you're not allowed to read anything but school material."

"Harsh," Rita said, noticing Luke hovering in the hallway at this point.

"I'm disappointed," Lance went on. "I get that you're a kid and want to experiment..."

"I'm not a kid!" she exploded, getting to her feet. "Don't any of you get that? I'm almost 17! I'm an adult in a year!"

"Yes, but until then, you're a kid..."

"Stop it!" she exclaimed. "I'm not a little girl anymore, Dad. I'm almost grown up. Get over it and accept that." She didn't break eye contact with him, and she could see the sadness in his eyes now.

"Well, then I expect you to take your punishment as an almost grown up," he commented.

"Fine."

"Fine," he said back. He got to his feet as well, picked up his coffee mug, and left the room. Rita exhaled long and slow, running a hand through her hair. Luke came in then, and he wasn't looking at her. She grew scared suddenly, wondering what she'd done or said to him in her state last night. Her memory was coming up empty.

"Luke?" she asked timidly. He turned to look at her finally, and she tried to read his face.

"Yea?" he said.

"Did I...did I do anything last night?" she asked hesitantly. "To you?" She watched his face, and he took a moment before shaking his head.

"No, Rita. You didn't. You said you were sad and then you threw up. That's it."

She looked at him carefully, and she wondered if he was lying. Something on his face wasn't quite matching up with his words.

"Well, if I did, I'm sorry," she said, trying to laugh it off. "I've never been drunk before. Do you always forget what happened?"

"Depends how much you drank," he answered. "And you'd had a lot."

"Oh."

"It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't get you to bed quick enough before your dad caught you."

"Whatever," she dismissed. "It was a pretty stupid idea anyway."

"Well, now you know."

"I do," she agreed, nodding. They looked at each other for a moment, and Rita had this vague memory of pleading with him about something. She couldn't think of what, though.

"I'll see you later," he said, grabbing an apple and his water before heading out. She just waved and tried not to feel like she'd done something to damage their relationship while under the influence.

She'd hate herself forever if she had.

A Few Days Later

Luke wasn't sure what he was doing if he was honest. Lisa had been hinting for a while that she was ready to move forward in their relationship and even more so the last few days, but Luke just couldn't bring himself to do it. Kissing her sometimes was difficult to do, and he knew why, but he didn't want to say it out loud. Saying it out loud made it very real, and he had no idea how to deal with that.

They were at her apartment now. Lisa kept kissing him, and he tried to feel it. He tried to get lost in her, but he couldn't, even though he'd never done this before and a part of him was interested and curious about it. When she pulled his shirt off, he stopped her before she could kiss him again.

"Luke?"

"Just...hang on," he said. He couldn't stop hearing Rita's pleas to not do this, couldn't stop thinking about her kiss and her wanting him. Lisa was looking at him expectantly, and he didn't know how to say what he was thinking and feeling. He just knew that he couldn't do this when he was thinking about someone else.

"You okay?" she asked him, running a hand over his chest. "It's not your first time is it?" She gave a slight laugh after. He chewed on the inside of his bottom lip. She stopped laughing and immediately looked sorry.

"I...I didn't know. Luke, I'm sorry."

"It's fine," he cut her off, but he reached for his shirt all the same. Something about her laughter at him had killed any interest in this that he did have. He pulled it on and swung his legs over the edge of the bed.

"Luke," Lisa tried.

"I can't do this," he said to her.

"We can try again later," she suggested. "It's okay."

"No." He shook his head. "I mean us. This relationship. I can't do it."

"Why not?" She was staring at him with a hurt expression now. He hesitated, and she grew a bit angry suddenly. "It's that kid, isn't it?"

"She's not a kid," he said quickly.

"She's three years younger than you!"

"And you see bigger age gaps than that in people's relationships," he retorted.

"You're disgusting," Lisa shot at him.

"I'm not doing anything about it," he said, aggravated. "I can't. But I know I can't be with someone else when my heart's not into it."

"Oh my God. Okay," Lisa snorted. "Whatever. Be a jerk."

"I'm being honest," he clarified.

"Just leave."

"I'm sorry," Luke said, grabbing his coat and cramming his boots on. Then he left, and as he walked down the hallway away from her, he didn't feel sorry at all.

...

Rita was studying at the table when Luke came home. Her fingers were pushed past her hairline as her elbow rested on the table next to her textbook. Her right hand was writing notes furiously on her pad of paper. She didn't pay much attention to him until she realized he was standing right next to her.

"Huh?" she said. "Did you say something?"

"No," he answered. He was looking at her almost funny. She wasn't sure why.

"How was your date?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from sounding sarcastic and jealous.

"It was alright for a last date," he replied, moving to walk to the kitchen. Her head snapped up fast, her full attention on him now. WHAT?!

"Excuse me?" she asked, her heart pounding. She felt slightly infuriated as he poured himself a glass of water and drank half of it before wiping the excess off his mouth with his arm.

"What?" he said, playing dumb.

"You know what you said," she retorted, resisting growling in frustration.

"What did I say?"

"Luke!"

"Alright," he said, laughing softly. He finished his water and set the now empty glass on the counter by the sink. "I will not be going out with Lisa again."

"Why not?" Rita asked. She felt her body starting to shake now. Luke had broken up with Lisa. Luke was single again. Why had he broken up with her? Had she said something to him? Did he know she wanted him to break up with Lisa?

"It wasn't a good fit," he answered with a shrug. "It's alright. I've sensed it for a little while now."

"So what took you so long to end it?" she questioned, curious.

"It was just made really clear to me tonight," he replied, putting his hands into his pockets and looking at her intently. She felt like she couldn't breathe suddenly.

"I see," she said, turning to look back at her notebook. She didn't dare pick up her pen again because she knew he'd see her fingers trembling. She couldn't focus on the words in her book. Lance came inside with Copper at that moment, so there was no further conversation about it. She tried to keep studying as her father talked to Luke about the weather and Kenny's latest fencing woes. Copper spent time being affectionate with Luke before coming to see her, and she let him rest his head on her legs. She stroked his head and ears absently, her brain whirling about the break up still. She really wanted to know what had caused it to end. She knew she shouldn't care, though. It didn't change anything. She looked at the two of them laughing, and she knew her father wanted her to stay away from Luke. She felt so torn. She caught Luke's eyes then, and she could see him trying to convey something to her across the room. If she didn't know any better, she'd say they were telling her that he was going to wait for her. She forced herself to look away, giving herself a mental shake. She was being ridiculous. Luke didn't feel that way about her. She really had to get over this crush.

But when he cranked his heavy metal later, it made her realize that he was dealing with something, and that something was big enough to warrant deafening music (she'd learned that about him). She wondered what it could be, if perhaps he was trying to manage his feelings for her that he couldn't express, but she would never find out.

And that really sucked.

1997—June

"Come on!" Bridget urged, pulling Rita by her hand. They were walking towards a sketchy looking house, and Rita felt all sorts of red flags popping up.

"What are we doing exactly?" she asked.

"I'm giving you your birthday present," Bridget answered. "A little late, but better than never."

"What is it?"

"You'll see!"

Rita felt nervous as Bridget knocked on the door. A pale man with a dark ponytail, glasses perched on his nose, and a cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth answered.

"Yea?"

"My buddy Jake said you do tattoos," Bridget said, holding up what Rita discovered was two fake I.D.s. Was her friend insane? And how did she even have one for Rita?!

"Yea, come on," the man said, pushing the door open wider and disappearing inside.

"No, this is a bad idea..." Rita tried.

"Oh come on! Just live a little for once! It'll be fun," Bridget coaxed. Rita wasn't so sure. She felt like if her father knew she was doing this, he'd ground her for life.

"I'm a minor," she said, dropping her voice to a whisper.

"For one more year. Just put it somewhere your dad'll never see it."

"You girls coming or no?" the man called.

"Coming!" Bridget yelled back, stepping inside.

"Wait! What if he's a serial killer?" Rita asked, hissing quietly.

"I promise I'm just a tattoo artist," the man replied, having overheard and scaring both of them. He was smirking slightly as he held up the tattoo gun. "You doing this or no? I don't have all day."

"Okay," Rita squeaked, and Bridget put her arm around Rita's lower back and hauled her forward.

"Get something shocking," she urged. "Something that makes someone's eyes pop out almost."

Rita thought about it, and she knew suddenly exactly what she wanted to do. Maybe it was crazy (it most definitely was), but she wanted to do it. She wanted him to be a part of her forever.

"You got paper handy?" Rita asked the man.

"Yep."

"Let me design you something."

"I don't have all day," he repeated.

"I won't be long," she shot back, and he shrugged, sticking his cigarette back into his mouth and going to rummage for paper and a pen. Once she had it, Rita sketched quickly. After ten minutes, she had what she wanted. When she held it up, the guy was very impressed.

"Shit," he said. "You need a job? I could use an artist."

"Oh, thanks, but I already have a job," she replied, blushing a little. The man took the drawing and surveyed it, nodding slowly.

"You got it," he said. "Now, go sit over there. And I hope you don't hate needles."

Rita gulped.

...

Luke was watching Rita trying to do chores, and he noticed she was holding herself at times, like she was in pain or discomfort. He felt concerned as he kept watching. After a moment, a horrific thought went through his mind.

"You okay?" he asked, starting small.

"Uh, yea," she answered, sounding like she was lying.

"You sure? You look like you're in pain," he said.

"Oh, no...I'm fine," she dismissed, turning away from him. Luke couldn't stop thinking about it. He knew there was a certain symptom that went along with what he thought was going on with her, and it freaked him out. She wouldn't have, would she? Had she gone that far to get over him?

"You're holding yourself," he said, and she turned back to look at him.

"What?"

"You're holding yourself," he repeated.

"Okay, Sherlock," she said. "What's going on?"

"Is it Devon's?" he asked, unable to stop himself from blurting it out. "Please tell me it's not." Had they gotten back together? Had he somehow missed that?

"Is what Devon's?" she countered, raising a brow.

"You know," he said, gesturing towards her midsection.

"Oh my God," she said, suddenly understanding. "Do you think I'm pregnant?!"

"I'm not judging," he said quickly, but he felt sick inside. One thing was for sure, he'd be there for her no matter what. Well, two things. If Devon didn't support her, he'd beat his ass.

"Luke, how dare you!" she said, outraged. "You know me! I'm not that kind of girl, so no, I am most certainly not pregnant! What the hell would even make you think such a thing?!"

"Well...I thought...I heard that...that tenderness was a symptom," he said, feeling like such a stupid idiot now.

"Yea, it is, but that's not what's going on," she retorted. "And you can get it with your period too, genius."

"That's fast," Luke said. "I thought that was two weeks ago when you bit my head off for walking too loudly."

"I really hate that you know that," Rita growled. "And no, it's not that either. I just pulled a muscle, okay? I'm fine."

"Let me take a look," he offered, stepping closer. She jumped back, her hand covering a spot near her stomach.

"No! It's fine," she said strongly. "Just stop hovering and leave me alone." She walked towards Willow's stall now, and he stood there feeling so confused.

1997—July

It was one of those hot days where there was no wind. Everything was stagnant. A person would sweat just standing still, which was exactly what Rita was experiencing as she sat at the edge of the pond and dangled her feet in the water. Her tank top was sticking to her, and her shorts felt like hot, woolly pants. If she wasn't so afraid, she'd jump into the water, but she was, so she didn't. She hated that Simon had put the fear of swimming into her. Ever since he tried to drown her, she had stayed away from the river and the pond for a long time. The only other time she'd tried swimming was that day at the beach with Luke. He hadn't pushed her to try again since, but she knew he was wondering why she wasn't trying again.

Her head snapped to attention when she heard movement to her left. When Luke appeared, she froze slightly. Had he seen her? She watched as he pulled off his t-shirt, wondering if he'd have kept stripping if she hadn't sneezed.

"Geez, Rita!" he exclaimed, lurching at the sight of her. "What're you doing?!"

"Minding my own business," she said after rubbing her nose with her arm. "What are you doing?"

"Trying not to roast," he answered. His hands had paused at the buckle on his jeans.

"Don't let me interrupt," she said with a shrug, feeling a lot of tingling in her body suddenly. She could see he'd been working with Kenny all day from the dirt on the legs of his pants. She turned her head away and leaned back, looking up at the sky and closing her eyes. After a moment, she heard the splash of him jumping in, and she looked to see that he'd shed his pants after all. She knew he wore boxers. She helped with the laundry after all.

"You wanna try?" he asked her, treading water.

"No," she answered.

"Come on," he urged. "We gotta get you past the fear."

"You already tried," she replied. "I'm just not interested." She watched him almost say something else but think better of it. She didn't tell him that she wanted to get over the fear, that she wanted to be able to swim without a care in the world. He watched her for a moment, and then he slipped under the water.

Rita did her best not to panic. He was a good swimmer; she knew that. She looked around at the trees and such for a bit, thinking about the library. When she looked back to see that Luke wasn't there, she started to freak out. She got to her feet, searching.

"Luke?" she called. Where the hell was he? Surely he hadn't drowned. She walked around to the other side, still looking.

"Oh shit," she said. "Oh no. Luke!" Still nothing. She cringed, but she knew she had to at least try and look for him. By the time she ran for help, he'd drown. She walked up to her waist, still calling his name. At her shoulders, she felt extreme anxiety and had no idea how to stop it.

Then Luke came up next to her, spewing out water and grinning like an idiot.

"You arsehole!" she shouted, splashing him. "How could you do that to me?!"

"I'm sorry," he said. "I thought you knew I could stay under for a while."

"I didn't! I thought you'd drowned..." She trailed off, trying not to let her emotions come forward.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I really didn't mean to scare you." Rita said nothing. She turned to walk out when he caught her around the waist. She felt the jolt from his touch and wondered just what the hell he was doing.

"Come on," he said. "You're almost there. The Rita I know doesn't back down from a challenge."

"I can't," she said, trying to pull away. He held fast and turned her to face him.

"Don't let fear stop you," he told her. "Okay? I'm right here. I've got you. We'll do it together." Rita rested her hands on his arms, gripping him tightly.

"You don't understand," she said. "I...I almost drowned in this river." She turned her head to look in the direction of where it had happened even though she couldn't see it from where she was standing.

"Even more reason to overcome the fear," he said firmly. "Seriously, Rita, I'm here. I won't let you go. I promise."

It was almost too much. She'd longed for him for so long, and here he was practically holding her against his bare chest, just like last time.

"I..." she started.

"Can," he finished for her, reading her mind. "You can. I know you can." He gave her a meaningful look, and she half growled, half sighed.

"I don't even know where to start," she said, conceding.

"You know how to float?" he asked.

"Yes."

"So start with that."

She didn't want to, but she had no choice. He let her go, and she tried not to shake from fear as she leaned back in the water. She floated for three seconds before sinking. Being underwater took her back to almost drowning, and she panicked. Luke pulled her out, and she clung to him like he was a tree, doing her best not to cry.

"Alright," he said. "So that needs some work."

"I c-can't," she told him, shaking her head.

"Stop," he said sternly, giving her a slight shake. "You can."

"You've never almost drowned," she accused. "You don't know what that's like."

"I can imagine how terrifying that was, but you have to stop letting it control you," he instructed. Rita became very aware how close her face was to his now. She was pretty sure she could feel his heart rate going a little faster too.

He pried her off and got her standing on her own again. Then he gestured for her to fall back across his arms, which she did. With him holding her up, she felt like it was suddenly tolerable.

"Arch your back," he said. She obeyed. "I'm gonna let go."

"Don't," she said quickly.

"I'm gonna let go," he said again, "and you're gonna be just fine. I'm right here. I won't let you drown, Rita."

"Okay."

She felt his arms go away, and she stayed floating. After the panic and fear slid away, she started to almost enjoy it.

"See?" Luke said to her left. "You're doing it."

"Woohoo," she said sarcastically. "A toddler would surpass me right now."

"What is the scariest part?" he asked. "Being under the water?"

"Yes," she answered quietly. She knew exactly what he was going to make her do next.

"Stand up," he instructed, and she did so.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I'm not going under."

"How else are you going to face your fear?" he asked.

"By not doing it at all," she answered. He took her hands in his and stopped her from running away.

"We'll do it together," he said. "I won't let you go."

Rita felt her heart start to race, and she swallowed hard. She closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing.

"Let me know when you're ready," he instructed. She counted to thirty before nodding slowly.

"Okay," she whispered.

"On three." He held her hands a bit tighter, and she nodded again. She took a deep breath at two, and then they went under. She kept her eyes squeezed shut, and she did her best to not think about Simon's hand holding her under the water or the way she'd thrashed to escape to no avail. It didn't work.

She let go of Luke and stood up, gasping. She pushed her hair out of her eyes, and Luke surfaced and stood up next to her.

"You okay?" he asked her.

"No," she answered.

"But you are," he insisted. "You're still here, right?" She looked around and knew he was right, but she couldn't stop the anxiety.

"I just...I can't...I can't breathe," she said, feeling her chest go tight.

"It's just a panic attack," he promised, catching her hands again and pulling her into him. "It'll pass. Just breathe, Rita. Nice and slow."

She did just that, pressed against his chest. She wished her father hadn't made her promise not to have feelings for Luke. It was proving impossible. She was glad he couldn't see the tattoo of his name on her body. Bridget had dared her to do one of something shocking, and she definitely had. The goal now was for him to never see it, but she loved looking at it in the mirror or tracing it with her fingers while she fell asleep.

"I think that's a good place to stop for today. We've associated calmness with water for a little bit, so that's progress," Luke said, and she lifted her head to look at him.

"I'm not coming back here," she told him.

"For now," he corrected. She watched as he took his fingers and shifted her hair. It was almost like an automatic gesture for him because he caught himself, and Rita watched his cheeks flush slightly. She felt warmth inside as his eyes briefly flicked to look at her lips and then back to her eyes. It was time to end this even though she wanted to do the exact opposite.

"Thanks anyway," she said quietly, moving out of his grasp and walking back to the shore. Her bare feet collected sand and grass and other dirt as she walked back to the house. She didn't look back.

...

Luke felt like an idiot. He'd lost control of his impulses, and he'd done an intimate gesture and then almost kissed her. What the hell was wrong with him?

He dunked himself and shouted as long and loud as he could under the water. Rita was 17 and the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Anyone looking at her would think she was 20 or older. She'd always looked older than she was. He surfaced and breathed. He had to let go of the dream. She wasn't ever going to be his girlfriend. He wasn't supposed to fall for her anyway.

He walked out and pulled on his clothes as best as he could. The jeans were harder since he was soaked, but he managed after fighting with them for a bit. He went back to the house and found Rita changed and starting dinner. He opened his mouth to apologize, but then he didn't know what he was apologizing for. He recalled the look of longing on her face too, so he knew he wasn't the only one.

"Thanks for trying," she said to him when she finally looked at him. He could see the fear still there, and he wished he could take it away for her.

"Anytime."

She nodded and went back to what she was doing. He offered to help, but she declined, so he went to deal with the animals. Then Lance was home, and he had to go about pretending he didn't love the assassin's daughter.

Two Weeks Later

It was a windy day, but Luke didn't mind. He was currently casting a rod with Kenny, who was telling him a story from his childhood about salmon fishing.

They were on a little camping trip for a few days in the woods a ways from the farm, and Luke was enjoying the break. Rita seemed to have loosened up a bit too. Ever since their swimming lesson, Luke had noticed she avoided eye contact with him more often than not. He really missed the old days where they spent hours together and didn't have this awkwardness between them.

"Where's Rita?" he asked when Lance approached them alone.

"She went for a hike."

"By herself?"

"Yea. She'll be alright."

Luke knew that, but he still felt a bit worried. There had been whispers of a forest fire from the locals earlier that day. On cue, the smell of smoke hit his nose, and he looked at Lance. They both looked at the sky, which showed more smoke slowly coming in.

"I think it'll miss us," Lance said. "As long as the wind stays the way it is."

"What do we do if it comes for us?"

"We evacuate and go somewhere safe."

Luke swallowed, and he had a very bad feeling suddenly. He watched as Lance went to stand next to Kenny, casting his own rod. Luke looked towards where the smoke was, and he just knew.

Rita was in trouble.

He didn't say anything because he knew they'd tell him not to go or would make him stay and go find her without him. He needed to find her. He made his way to the dirt bike and kicked it to life. He saw Lance look over at him, but he didn't hold eye contact. He tore off, spraying gravel everywhere. He was going to bring her back, even if it killed him.

...

Rita had noticed the smoke and had started heading back for the campsite, but she was growing a bit anxious as she realized she wasn't going to outrun it. It was gaining on her fast. She coughed as she ran through the woods, realizing she was lost. When she saw she was running towards a wall of fire, she panicked. She gripped her hair tightly with both hands by her temple and turned in slow circles.

"Think," she said out loud. "Think." Her heart was pounding. She could barely breathe. She started to feel scared that she was going to die out here. She backtracked, finding the trail again. She had no idea where to go for shelter, though.

Revving of a dirt bike made her turn to see Luke come flying through the smoke. She waved her arms at him. "LUKE!"

He hit the brakes, causing the back tire to lift up, and he swung the bike around and landed it hard. Rita ran towards him, leaping onto the back and wrapping her arms around his waist tightly. He took off, heading down the trail until he stopped.

"What are you doing?!" she yelled at him.

"We're not gonna make it!" he yelled back. Fear choked her. What was he saying?

"What do we do?" she asked when he killed the engine of the bike. She slid off, and he dismounted as well. Then he grabbed her hand, and they ran. Rita barely felt the branches slapping at her as they crashed through the woods. She had no idea where he was taking her, but he seemed to know where he was going. Then, she realized.

And she panicked.

"No," she said, stopping and making him jerk back from her anchoring him.

"Rita, we don't have a choice."

"I can't," she whispered, anxiety running rampant now.

"It's that or die," he said, gripping her face with his hands and making her look at him. "You understand?" She held his arms tightly, knowing he was right.

"Please," she said. "Please don't let me drown."

"I swear I will never let you drown, Rita," he vowed. "Never. I promise." She nodded then, and he let go of her face and took her hand again, leading her down to the river. At the edge, she took off her backpack and dropped it. She didn't want to be weighed down; there wasn't anything valuable in it anyway.

"What do we do?" she asked.

"We get in. We stay under as long as we can. When we need air, we come up very briefly with just our mouths and take in air. Exhale on your way up. Got it?"

Rita couldn't breathe from the anxiety on top of the smoke.

"Rita? You got it?" Luke asked again.

"I got it."

"Come on."

He pulled her with him, and they got into the river together. The water was moving but very idly, which Rita was grateful for. Luke wasn't taking her into deep water either, just to their necks.

"You good?" he asked.

"No."

"It'll be over soon," he promised, and she believed him. The fire behind them was coming fast.

"Dad!" she gasped, realizing. She felt so scared for him and Kenny in this moment.

"I need you to stay focused right here," Luke ordered.

"But..."

"Rita!" he barked, and she closed her mouth and nodded. He looked at the fire one last time before giving a curt nod as well. "Now. Deep breath." Rita obeyed, and she sank under the water with him. Her initial reaction to panic was strong, but she felt Luke wrap an arm around her securely to hold her while hanging onto a log under the water to keep them under. Rita watched the flames above them and wondered how she was going to breathe through that. She held her breath for as long as she could. Then she tapped Luke, indicating she needed air as her brain was screaming at her for it. He swam up with her, and she exhaled along the way. Once near the top, she did as instructed and just brought her mouth to the surface and inhaled. She felt the fear still, but it wasn't as strong. Luke still had a hold of her, so she wasn't going anywhere. She didn't know how long they stayed under and took breaths, but it felt like forever. Then finally, Luke pulled her up for air, and he stayed up. Rita lost her footing when trying to stand next to him, and she yelped as she went back down under. She felt Luke's hands grab at her shirt and haul her back up. She was yanked hard, and she crashed into his chest once upright again. She gasped and coughed, her hands gripping his shoulders tightly. Her ankle was suddenly killing her.

"You okay?" Luke asked, still holding her close.

"Yes," she managed to say, continuing to cough.

"See?" he said. "I told you I wouldn't let you drown." Rita was shaking but not because of the fire or the river. She was shaking because of how close Luke's face was to hers.

"Thank you," she said. "I...I don't know what would have happened to me if you hadn't found me."

"Let's not go there," he insisted. She trembled inside as he brushed his fingers against her cheek before letting her go and pulling her out of the river by her hand. They started walking back towards the campsite, but she stopped after a moment.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I buggered my ankle in the river," she answered. Without hesitation, he simply scooped her up in his arms and began to carry her. She instinctively put her arms around his neck and tried not to feel bad for making him lug her around. It was a while before they got back to the site, and Rita was panicking that her father and/or Kenny were dead. The relief in her chest was immense when they kept walking and saw that the fire had turned and gone in a different direction. When they crested the hill close to the site and saw it still standing, Rita released a small cry of relief. She felt Luke adjust her so that he had a better grip on her before walking towards the camp. Lance came out of nowhere, and he ran towards the two of them. Luke set Rita down gently, and she winced as she felt pain in her ankle. Lance grabbed Rita first into a tight embrace before grabbing Luke by the back of his neck and pulling him in as well.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again," he ordered both of them, giving them a shake.

"I'm sorry," Rita said, her voice small. She hadn't thought she'd get stuck in a forest fire when she'd set out earlier that day. Her father let them go after a moment, and she was pretty sure she saw his eyes were wet.

"Come on," he said. "We're going home."

Hours later, after they went for a checkup at the hospital for smoke inhalation, had Rita's ankle diagnosed as a sprain and wrapped, and then were cleared to leave, they were pulling up to the house. Rita was relieved to see it was still standing as well.

"Get inside and clean up," Lance instructed. "You reek like a chimney mixed with river water."

"Love you too, Dad," Rita said, grabbing his arm to squeeze it before walking inside gingerly. She went to shower, and she thought about how lucky she was that Luke had found her. Then it got her thinking about what would make him come looking for her when her father could have easily done it.

When she finished, she dried off and put her robe on. She wrapped her ankle securely again, stepped out of the bathroom, and padded to her room. She stopped in Luke's doorway, seeing him on the floor in his push up stance. She knew it was how he grounded himself. It slightly unnerved her to know he was feeling stressed about what had happened since he'd been so calm throughout it.

"I'm finished," she said to him.

"Thanks," he replied without looking at her. She went to her room and changed into a new pair of shorts and a tank top. Her father was puttering downstairs, and she heard Luke start the shower not long after. She went downstairs after a bit to talk to her father, and she almost walked into Luke in the hallway as he exited the bathroom.

"Whoa," he said, catching her shoulders to prevent the collision. She noticed then that he was only in a towel, which she realized he'd do that because his room was literally down the hall and he thought she was upstairs.

"Sorry," she managed to say, her voice a bit mangled.

"All good," he said, letting her go. He looked like he was going to say something, but in the end, he just nodded and stepped past her. She watched his receding back until he disappeared into his room. She did her best to stop thinking about it as went to the kitchen to find her father drinking a coffee.

"How're you doing?" he asked as she sat down across from him.

"I'm okay."

"How are you really doing?"

Rita gave a small laugh. Her father knew her very well after all.

"I'm a bit shaken up, but I'm okay," she answered. "I promise."

"Alright. You'll tell me if you're not?"

"Yes."

"Good." He patted her hand and sipped his coffee. Rita didn't look when Luke came in and poured himself a cup. He stayed standing, though, leaning against the counter. She could feel his eyes on her.

"I'm gonna go for a run," Lance said after he finished his coffee. "I need to burn off this extra energy."

"Want company?" Luke asked.

"Nah. Rest up. You earned it."

Rita watched her father leave, and after he left the house, that's when she finally looked at Luke. Her stomach tumbled when she found him already looking at her.

"You came for me," she said, not knowing how else to say it. He walked closer to her and leaned on his hands on the table in front of her, his face a foot away from hers.

"I'll always come for you, Rita," he said softly. "Whenever you're in trouble, I'll come for you."

She didn't say anything as he pushed himself up and walked out of the room. She sat there for a long time, wondering how much longer she could go before confessing to him that she was in love with him.

1997—August

The house was thumping with music, making Rita's ears pulse along with it. She didn't even know why she'd come tonight. She guessed she just hadn't wanted to sit at home alone while Luke went out to mingle. He didn't go out much, but Gideon was here tonight, and he'd wanted to see him again since he was back from university for the summer. Rita watched Luke talk to people and laugh and smile. She wondered if he knew how much her heart ached from not being by his side identified as his girlfriend. When he'd told her he'd broken up with Lisa, she'd felt so sure that he would tell her he loved her and that was why he'd done it, but he didn't. Instead, they kept this awkward and weird distance around each other most of the time. She'd been surprised when he invited her to come tonight, if she was honest.

The previous school year had been exhausting. Bridget drifted in and out of her life, Trevor hovered at the edge but kept his words (and hands) to himself, and Devon had made snarky comments in her direction whenever he got the chance. She'd welcomed the summer break very gladly, and she was dreading going back in less than a month.

Luke disappeared, and she busied herself with watching others drink and dance and carry on. The making out couples made her wince. She was not a huge fan of public displays of affection.

After a while, a girl came towards her. Rita felt wary since she had no idea who this girl even was. She was vaguely familiar, but that was all.

"Rita?" she said.

"Yes..."

"Oh good." The girl laughed. "I thought I'd get the wrong person. Anyway, I have a message for you."

"You do?"

"Yes. Luke wants you upstairs."

"For what?"

"He wants to talk to you about something. I dunno what," she said with a shrug. "He was annoyed when I asked for details and told me to mind my own bloody business."

That sounded like Luke. Rita slid off her seat and stood.

"Thanks," she said.

"Second door at the end," the girl said, gesturing. Rita went upstairs, wondering what Luke wanted. He was probably gonna tell her he wanted to go off with Gideon somewhere to either do a race or drink. Luke didn't drink much, but he did like to do it sometimes. She'd never seen him drunk, though.

She reached the room second from the end and nudged the door open.

"Luke?" she said, going inside. It was dark, but before she could turn on the light, a pair of hands caught her waist. "Lu-!" She was cut off with a kiss.

He was kissing her. Luke was kissing her. Rita's brain was scrambling in this moment, but she'd wanted it for so long that she didn't even fight it. She put her arms around his neck, kissing him back. His hands running up and down her sides felt electrifying, and then he picked her up, which made her gasp.

"Luke," she whispered. "Why now? I've waited so long." She felt his hand on her face, and he kissed her in response. When he lowered her down on the bed underneath him, she felt a pang of alarm. When he opened her mouth with his and kissed her deeper, she knew instantly it was not Luke.

"Argh!" the guy yelped when she kneed him in the stomach.

"Get off of me!" she exclaimed, trying to push him off.

"Too late now," he said back, managing to hold her down.

Trevor.

"NO-!" she started to scream, but he shoved a hand over her mouth. Rita went for the pressure point above his right elbow, and he yelped. She kneed him again and then managed to punch him in the face. While he was recovering, she rolled off the bed and managed to get to her feet. Trevor caught her leg, knocking her down, right as she reached the door.

"Oh, no," he said, dragging her back by her ankles. Rita felt him sit on the back of her legs, his fingers moving to undo her jeans on the front while his other hand pressed down on her back to keep her down. For some reason, she lost her voice for yelling, but the loud music and partying outside the door would drown it out anyway. When he started groping her, she wanted to cry. Why was this happening again? She knew crying nor panicking were going to help her here, however, so she tried a different tactic when he put his entire weight on her back and tugged her pants lower.

"It'll be so much better if I'm on top," she said, emanating more confidence than she felt in that moment. She felt his surprise and felt him take his hand off and sit back up, which gave her the advantage. She brought both of her feet up hard and fast, nailing him in the back. He coughed and gasped, slightly winded, and she kicked him again. When he rolled her over, she sat up and jammed her fingers into his eye, managing to find it in the dark. Howling, he let go of her legs, and she pulled herself out from under him and got to her feet, pulling her pants up before yanking the door open, disappearing into the hallway, and pushing through the people hanging out there. She clomped down the stairs, heart pounding.

She needed to find Luke.

Whooping and hollering started, and she turned to see Trevor standing on top of the stairs with his fists raised.

"You did it!" someone called.

"Totally nailed her!" Trevor called back. "I'll take my money now, please!"

Rita faltered in her steps, twisting to look at him. There was no evidence that she'd hurt him. His one eye was a bit red looking, but that was it. In hindsight, she wished she had scratched him or something, but she hadn't thought to do that.

"You da man, Trevor!" another person hollered.

"Woot! Woot!" someone else yelled.

"I told you one day you'd be mine, Rita Vrataski!" Trevor shouted down to her. It truly sickened her how okay everyone was with thinking Trevor had raped her. Who were these people? They couldn't possibly think she'd consent to it, did they? It was then that Luke rounded the corner and caught sight of the scene before him. Rita saw him look at her, and she knew she looked a wreck. Her hair was messed up, her lips were raw looking, and her jeans were undone. His eyes went back to her face, and she pressed a hand to her mouth, not even bothering to stop the tears that started to fall.

"And I told you the day you hurt her would be the day I kill you," Luke said back to Trevor, his voice amazingly calm.

"Oh, shit," Trevor said, finally seeing him and turning to run. Luke moved fast, but he stopped next to Rita first briefly, handing her his car keys.

"I won't be long," he promised.

"Don't," she said, grabbing his wrist. "He's not even worth it."

"I keep good on my word," Luke said, pulling free. He ran up the stairs, and she heard him shouting Trevor's name. Everyone was shouting and hollering and cheering the fight on while Rita stepped off the stairs and kept her head down to walk to the car. When she got there and locked the doors, she finally burst into sobs.

...

Luke caught Trevor quite easily. He was trying to climb out the bathroom window when Luke grabbed a hold of the back of his pants and hauled him back in. Trevor hit the floor hard.

"You son of a bitch," Luke said, grabbing his collar and pulling him up so he could punch him in the face. Trevor tried to fight back, but Luke was better. He threw Trevor around hard, smashing him into things. When he was done destroying the bathroom, he threw Trevor out the door and onto his back in the hallway. He went to stand over him, fists clenched and jaw tight.

"You're just jealous cos I got her first," Trevor mocked. Luke stomped on his crotch, making Trevor scream. Then he knelt down next to a whimpering Trevor and wrapped his fingers around Trevor's throat.

"You're done, you hear me?" he said menacingly. Trevor choked and squeaked as Luke squeezed harder. He was seeing a lot of red in that moment. The terror in Trevor's eyes was very satisfying.

"Stop it!"

He looked up to see Rita back, and he could tell she had been crying hard.

"I'm not finished," Luke told her. She moved closer and grabbed the wrist of the hand he was using to strangle Trevor.

"Stop," she said again, more strongly this time. Luke looked into her eyes and saw the pleading there. Her grip was tight on his wrist. He felt his rage start to fall back, and he knew that if he proceeded, she would never think of him the same way again. Losing her was not worth this asshole.

"Alright," he replied. He let go, and Trevor gasped for air dramatically. Luke looked down at him as Rita straightened up and hugged herself.

"You're lucky she's here right now," Luke said to him. He gave a hearty slap to Trevor's face before getting up. Trevor was crying a little now. No one was saying a word as Luke put his arm around Rita and escorted her out of there.

At the car, he opened her door but put his hands on her shoulders before she could get in.

"Are you alright?" he asked. He felt incredibly anxious in that moment. How could he have lost track of her and let this happen? He blamed himself heavily.

"I'm fine," she answered. She had trouble looking him in the eye, though, which concerned him.

"Rita, it's me," he said. "Talk to me."

"No."

"Come on," he said strongly. "Don't keep it in. Talk to me. I'm right here."

"Just take me home," she ordered, pulling from his grip and getting into the car. Luke looked back at the house, debating whether or not to go back in there and finish the job. He gave himself a shake. Rita wanted to go home, so he'd take her home.

She said nothing on the drive, and she got out without a word once they got home. He watched her walk to the barn, hands shoved in her pockets. He worked his jaw, wondering what to do. In the end, he crept inside and gave her some space. Lance was asleep, so there was no questions about what happened that night.

When she didn't come back in after almost two hours, he grew worried. He went to the barn with Copper on his heels, tail wagging and eager for a little adventure. Luke pulled open the barn door and went inside to find her in Willow's stall. He stood outside of it, looking at her. She didn't say anything, but her face was very tearstained. After a moment, she sniffed and gave Willow a last pat before leaving. She clicked the stall door shut and finally looked at Luke properly.

"Rita," he said softly.

"Don't," she said instantly. He put his hand on her shoulder, and she smacked it off. "Don't touch me!"

"Sorry," he said, feeling stupid. She pressed her hands against her face, taking some breaths. "Rita, you have to talk this out."

"No, I don't."

"You can't leave this inside. I'm begging you to talk about this. It's me...you can tell me anything."

"That's the problem," she advised angrily.

"I don't understand..." He felt so confused now.

"I thought it was you!" she burst out.

"What?"

"Some girl told me that you wanted to talk to me upstairs, so I went, and it was dark, and then...then we're kissing. I mean, I thought it was you, and I just went with it because...because, God, I've wanted it for so long, and then it went too far, and I realized it wasn't you, and he...he almost raped me, Luke. He almost raped me," she finished, her voice shaking and more tears falling again. "He was going to let me think that it was you the entire time if I hadn't figured it out."

"That's it," Luke said, moving to exit the barn to go back to his car and find the bastard. As enraged as he was, the relief he felt that Trevor had not actually managed to fully hurt Rita like that was immense, but he'd done enough, and he needed to pay. Rita caught up to him and grabbed his shirt to stop him.

"He's not worth it!" she shouted.

"He assaulted you!" he shouted back. "He does not get away with that!"

"He didn't get anywhere!" she kept yelling. "It won't go anywhere, Luke, if I report it. He just kissed me. That's it!"

"Rita, your pants were undone," he said. The sight had made him sick inside, and he watched as her face showed a similar feeling.

"Yea, okay, so he felt me up a bit," she admitted. "That still won't matter."

"It's still assault," Luke said angrily. His heart clenched from the pain of knowing what Trevor had done to her.

"And you got to beat him up and almost choke him to death," Rita shot at him. "It's over, Luke. Let it go. There's no need for you to get arrested for doing that. Just let it go. Please."

Luke wanted to push her off and go find Trevor and finish the job, but looking at her face and hearing her beg was making it very hard to do just that.

"Okay," he finally said. "If that's what you want."

"It is."

"Okay," he said again.

"Thank you."

"I still think you should talk..."

"Luke, I am never talking about this again," she said, voice tight and fists clenched. "I have stuffed it into the farthest part of my mind, and I am never, ever, going to think about it or talk about it ever again."

"Rita..."

"I mean it!" she cried. He tried to hug her, and she sobbed and pounded on his chest a bit with her fists. He let her, knowing she needed to let it out somehow. She eventually gassed out and clung to him, and he held her close until she eventually stopped crying. Copper paced and walked circles, whining and looking a bit confused, too, before sitting close to Rita and resting his head against her side comfortingly. Even Willow and Hank were making some nervous sounds by now.

"Don't tell my dad," Rita said after a while.

"I really think..."

"Don't tell him," she cut him off sharply. "I mean it, Luke. He doesn't need to worry about me."

"Okay." He didn't argue with her. There was no point sometimes. He felt curious about one thing, though, and he had to know.

"How did you know it wasn't me?" he asked. "In the end?"

"He opened his mouth too wide and touched my tonsils," she muttered. "I remembered you saying that was a mistake to do and you didn't do that." Luke didn't know whether to laugh or be angry. He felt even sicker at the idea of how far things could have gone if Trevor hadn't made that mistake. He could only imagine Rita's reaction to finding out it wasn't him or feeling afraid that he'd actually hurt her like that. He hoped she would never think he'd hurt her like that.

It hurt even more to hear her say that kissing him was something she'd wanted for so long. He knew she didn't remember kissing him while drunk a while back. He felt bad that she had this desire for him, knowing he couldn't act on it.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For what?"

"That this happened to you."

"Whatever. It's fine, Luke."

"It's not fine."

"It is," she said strongly. "I remembered everything you taught me. I didn't panic, and I escaped. Stop worrying about it."

"I hate that he goes to your school."

"He got expelled right before the end of last year," Rita said.

"Oh."

"I'll be fine, Luke," she said, her voice a bit softer. "I promise." He looked at her, and in the end, he decided to trust her.

It was all he could do.

Ecuador

Jess knew the end was coming and very soon. She had never felt so frail in her entire life. She lay on her bed, waiting to die, when Gord came to see her. She opened her eyes to see him, and he looked so sad.

"Don't cry," she said to him.

"Are you scared, Jess?" he asked, ignoring the comment. She felt the flicker of fear inside. She didn't know what awaited her after this. She figured she was going to get what was coming to her for being who she was.

"No pain no gain," she replied.

"I'm serious, Jess," he sighed, sitting down next to her and reaching to take her hand in his. He held her gaze, and she decided to be honest.

"I'm terrified," she whispered. His grip on her hand tightened, and he moved down to kiss the side of her head. He was her favorite foster brother, and she regretted losing touch with him for so long. After losing Brendan, he'd been her support. He'd told her not to be stupid and let Luke know his real father, but she'd ignored him. She regretted that now too.

"He forgives," Gord said, and she knew what he was talking about. She wasn't sure if it was possible in her case, but she opened her heart to it anyway.

"When Luke...comes," she said slowly, "give him...the letter."

"I will."

She knew her son; she knew he'd come looking for her. She hoped he would find the clue she'd left behind to alert him to come here. She so badly wanted to see her son one last time, but she knew she couldn't. She had to suffice with picturing his laughing face in her mind, back when he wasn't angry at her for his father dying.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, unsure who she was actually talking to at this point. "I'm so sorry...please forgive me."

Gord was still holding her hand when she took her last breath a few moments later.

1997—October

"Is Rita mad at you?" Keira asked, her arms around Luke's neck tightly. He had run around like an idiot a moment ago, doing spins and threatening to dump her off, which she always loved. She was ten, now, and a bit heavier. She was so gangly that she reminded him of a baby moose. It was cute.

He set her down for a moment, and they both sat at the edge of the rock to look at the land before them. It was early October, which meant the cold nights were coming, which he dreaded. He could see Rita brushing Hank, and he knew she was aching with missing Willow so badly. Hell, he was too. He'd gone for rides when Rita was not around just to have that alone time with her, and she'd been gentle and made him feel like he could actually fly. He knew now exactly how Rita felt when she went for rides.

"Rita is just going through some things right now," Luke answered. He knew her seeing Bridget kiss him had hurt he a lot, and he was still pretty pissed about it. He was pretty sure that friendship was over. He'd told Rita his heart was taken, implying she had it, and she was now avoiding him, which hurt him. He was giving her space, though. He had hope she'd come around.

After all, she had his name tattooed on her, which he felt meant something. That had been a shock to find out, and then he couldn't stop thinking about it. He'd pieced together that was why she'd been holding herself that day because she'd put her hand over the same spot it was on her body.

"Is it that thing Nana called hormones?"

Luke bit his cheeks to stop from laughing. Keira was just too damn cute.

"No, she's grieving."

"What's that mean?"

"It means she is really sad about Willow dying, and she needs time to process what happened before she can heal from it."

"Oh...like when Kenny cried after he put Gabby down?"

"Yea," Luke confirmed. He remembered that day. Putting down Copper's mom had been hard on him too. He missed watching the play and run around like idiots together.

"Does grieving ever end?"

"It doesn't end exactly, but it gets less intense with time."

"That seems unfair...to be sad all the time."

"Grief is the price of love," Luke told her, tweaking her cheek lightly. "When we lose things we care about, it makes us sad, but that sadness comes and goes—it doesn't stay with you all day every day, not usually." He didn't get into depression with her right now. He didn't want to upset or worry her.

"It makes me sad to think about you moving away," Keira confessed. He tilted his head at her.

"What makes you think I'm moving away?"

"You're an adult now. Don't adults move away and start their own lives?"

He realized she was referring to her mother. This was her way of justifying why her mother had abandoned her, and it made him sad and angry to think of how Lucy's daughter could just walk away from Keira like that. She was missing out on one hell of a good kid.

"Some do," he agreed. "Some don't."

"What are you gonna do?"

"I'm not sure yet, but I'm not leaving anytime soon."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

She moved to hug him sideways, and he put an arm around her to hug her back. Keira was almost like the little sister he'd never had. He saw her heading places and making a difference someday.

"Do you love Rita?" Keira asked next, and Luke almost choked on the saliva he was swallowing at the same time.

"I..." He didn't even know what to say. Keira was giving him a rather sly look now.

"I can tell," she declared. "You're always looking at her, even when she's not looking at you. You smell her hair whenever she leans into you. You touch her whenever you get a chance to, and you're always together."

"Erm, well...a friend does that too," he tried.

"Luke!" She giggled and reached to shove him playfully. "Just admit it already!"

"No, because I don't..." It was worth a try, but he knew he was losing.

"Luke, it's me," Keira said, holding up her hands to gesture towards herself. "What is shared on the rock, stays on the rock. I promise."

"You promise?" he repeated, giving her a serious look.

"Yes!" She laughed at the same time. "I will keep your secret, Luke. Forever. I promise. Until you tell her; then I get to say 'I told you so.'"

"You little devil," Luke said, reaching to tickle her, and she laughed and tried to get away before starting to wrestle with him. He nudged her away after a moment, and she pulled her knees to her chest and rested her cheek on them, looking at him.

"Spill," she ordered.

"Alright, you win," he said. He couldn't believe he was doing this. "I'm in love with Rita."

"I knew it!"

"Keep your voice down," he shushed.

"Sorry," she whispered dramatically.

"I can't tell her," he advised.

"Why not?"

"Lance asked me not to fall in love with her."

"That's stupid. Why would he ask that?"

"It's complicated."

"Well, it's stupid," Keira said again. "I think if you love her, you should tell her. I mean, if I know that you love her, don't you think that I know she loves you?"

Luke stared at her. Did she know this? Had Rita talked to her just like this? He'd never know.

"How do you know?" he asked.

"She does all the same things you do," Keira answered logically with a "duh" expression. He scoffed lightly, a smile on his lips.

"Well aren't you just a smart little cookie," he stated, ruffling her hair. She just flashed him a grin, and he smiled back.

"I'll keep your secret, Luke," she said confidently. "Someday when I become a therapist, you can vouch for my confidentiality skills."

"I will do that," he promised. "A therapist, huh? What makes you want to do that?"

"The counsellor at school is really nice to me, and I just really want to help people. Is it stupid?" She sounded a little worried.

"Not at all," he advised, reaching to pull her into a sideways hug again. "It's perfect, and you'll be an amazing therapist one day, Keira."

"Thanks, Luke." They were quiet for a moment, and she looked up at him a moment later. "Luke?"

"What's up?"

"Can I tell you something that stays on the rock?"

"Of course."

"I...it's stupid," she said, shaking her head.

"I'm sure it's not," he assured her. "Go on, then. Tell me." She took in a breath and exhaled.

"Sometimes I pretend you're my big brother," she told him. "I hate being an only child. It's really lonely." He almost laughed but only because he'd just had the same thought moments ago. It was just too uncanny and coincidental. And so sweet.

"I'm honored, Keira," he said. "Of course I'll be your big brother. You don't have to pretend."

"Really?!"

"Really," he confirmed, smiling, and she jumped to hug him tightly again. "I think of you as my little sister anyway; always have."

"You do?"

"I do." He felt her hug him tighter, if that was possible, and he felt his throat get a bit tight. He knew what it was like to be an only child, and he knew what it was like to imagine siblings. It hurt him to think of Keira doing the same thing because she was lonely.

"This is the best day ever," Keira said happily. Luke smiled again as he looked down at her.

"I agree," he said back. She jumped to her feet then, and a second later, she was throwing herself at his back and looping her arms around his neck again.

"Break's over, horse!" she declared.

He stood up fast, and she squealed as she barely held on. When she did slide off, she jumped at him again, and he caught her legs to hold her up better. He spun again, making her laugh and shriek.

It was one of his favorite sounds that he would never forget.

...

Simon was doing a check in at the farm. It had pleased him to hear that Rita had lost that stupid horse, and to a mountain lion of all things! Seeing her suffer was nice; he wished to continue that trend.

He'd learned that Luke was seriously contemplating not becoming an assassin now, and that just would not do. Simon needed an opponent, someone who would give him a good fight when the time was right. He needed a way to push Luke into the job, and he knew just what to do.

Someone Luke cared about had to die.

Simon desperately wanted that someone to be Rita, but then his tortuous fun would be over, and he wasn't ready for that. No, this person had to be someone else. Simon observed Kenny and Lucy for a bit, thinking. He was trying to figure out which one would impact Luke more when he saw the girl. She was laughing and jumping onto Luke's back like he was a horse, and Luke was entertaining her and spinning her around to make her shriek.

And there it was.

Simon smiled to himself. The loss of that girl would do Luke in. It would make him angry and vengeful. It would steer him right back on track. Simon took a photo of the girl when she was standing off to the side a moment later before he slipped away, calculating how to do it.

He developed the photo in a dark room he set up where he was staying. Then he wandered around town, scoping out the perfect target to carry out this job for him. When he found them, it couldn't have been better.

He approached the one man after they'd split up. The man gave him a guarded look as he got closer.

"I have a problem," Simon said.

"What's that?"

"I have someone who needs to be taken care of," Simon said, holding up the photo of the girl. "And I think you're just the person to do it."

"What makes you say that?" the man asked, but there was a gleam in his eyes. Simon chuckled.

"Because I know all about you two and what you do to little girls," he advised. The man's face grew alarmed as he looked at Simon. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. Just get it done."

"We do whatever we want?"

"Whatever you want. Just make sure she's dead after."

"Alright." The man took the photo gingerly, stroking his chin as he looked at it. Simon told him what school the girl went to, and the man nodded in acknowledgment.

As Simon walked away, he felt nothing. That was the thing: He'd lost his conscience a long, long time ago. He didn't give a shit about anything except his own life and agenda.

Now, he just had to sit back and watch the results of his work happen.