Lair of Despair

Drakken sat on the cliff's edge looking at what was once their longest undisturbed lair, with the exception of his mother's visits. Smoke rose in the sky like it waved goodbye. While he had joked about getting a new lair with a balcony, he hadn't actually planned on leaving that one a few days later. The henchman had already been dismissed and so Drakken sat alone, watching it smolder. He would like to curse someone's name into the heavens and seek vengeance, but this was all his own doing.

Drakken let out a loud sigh and looked at his partially melted phone. He'd managed to grab his backup files before it was too late. The screen didn't show any information, so that was no help at the moment. The cold wind from the approaching weather shift made him shiver.

Why on earth did I use the safety valve from the electrical grid to test that stupid thing?

He shook his head. This was why it was easier to steal and adapt another's work. He tended to get so into his own inventions when he did them, that all caution was tossed to the wind. The idea of creating a single dome barrier would have to wait. He was just glad Shego was out of town.

"What the hell happened now!?" came a yell from said woman right behind him. Drakken jumped and lost his footing only to be grabbed roughly by the back of his coat and pulled backwards.

"Shego, you're back!" said Drakken as she let go and he fixed his jacket. He glanced at the structure as a part slid down the cliff's frame. "A small explosion."

"...Small?" asked Shego as she watched what had been the training room implode. "Possible?"

"No," said Drakken and then wondered why he just hadn't said it was.

"Dr. Sweets?" asked Shego. Drakken started to say yes but didn't think that wise as Shego would want to return the 'favor,' and he really didn't want to come across the candy villain right now.

"No," said Drakken. Shego raised a brow. "Any more suggestions?"

"...Did you blow up the lair?" asked Shego. Her eyes narrowed and Drakken scoffed.

"No, I didn't...blow up our lair... I wouldn't... Yeah I blew up our lair," said Drakken. He waited for Shego to berate him and ask about what idiot scheme he'd been working on, but instead she sighed and rolled her eyes.

"There was too much glitter left over from the party anyway," said Shego. "The last thing we want is for Possible and the side-kick to bust in and see that. She'd badger us for a year."

"You're taking this awfully well," Drakken asked curiously. He suddenly felt a little uneasy being so close to the cliff's edge and stepped to where the spare hover car that Shego had 'borrowed' for her trip.

"I got into an appointment with Adonis," shrugged Shego. "I am not letting this stress my finally unkinked back... Besides, you have insurance, so everything was covered."

"Insurance? Oh, uh, yeah," said Drakken. He suddenly felt his stomach twist and he gave a nervous chuckle. "Well, you see, this was sort of my error and...I sort of...well let's just say, I don't think it's covered."

"We can always fix that," shrugged Shego. She looked at the structure as it finally caved. Her brow furrowed a bit but she nodded to herself. "They won't be able to prove anything... What exactly did you do?"

"It involved rewiring the electric and overriding the safety features," said Drakken. He wasn't bringing up the dome failure; there would be more questions.

"Why would... No... No, it's fine," said Shego, about to yell but taking a calming breath. "Adonis is booked for another year, I am fine. Insurance."

"Yes, that," said Drakken as he climbed into the hover car slowly, avoiding Shego's gaze as he started it. She stood watching the lair. "One more thing... I may have forgotten to pay the insurance for the last... Well I didn't get insurance on this lair... Bye!"

"You didn't...what?!" yelled Shego as Drakken sped off in the hover car.

"I'll be back!" he yelled. Her hands flared green, and he jetted off.

Shego drove the hover car aggressively, turning it and with accelerated and sudden slowed speeds. She was glaring ahead at the sunset. It was freezing out and the hover car was low on fuel. The roof wouldn't even close anymore.

This backup one is utter crap, honestly.

She missed their regular one. She turned sharp to avoid a bird and a loud thump from the trunk made her smirk.

"Shego, it stopped being funny an hour ago, let me out!" yelled Drakken angrily. "It's not cute anymore and I can't feel my left leg!"

"You ditched me on the side of a cliff," snapped Shego. "After you blew up the lair!"

"It was only an hour. I was waiting until you calmed down!" yelled Drakken. "Ow! Stop swerving... There is nothing to avoid in the air, Shego!"

"That's the piece of junk this time, the steering's shot," said Shego. It jerked slightly and she was relieved they'd reached the address. "Are you sure this is the spot?"

"Why yes, looks like it," said Drakken with mock excitement and then it changed to anger. "I am in the trunk! How do I know if it's the right place? You drove."

"All right, cool your jets," said Shego as she went to land. She thought for a moment and then spun a three-sixty.

"Really?" came Drakken after a loud thump.

"I'm done," said Shego with a smirk as she hopped out and opened the trunk. "Funny enough this is all because you ran away like a coward. I wasn't even mad about the insurance."

"You weren't?" said Drakken as he hopped out rubbing his head. He raised a brow.

"Nope," said Shego. "I mean I am. But not that much. My valuables weren't at the lair."

"They weren't?" asked Drakken as he slammed the trunk closed.

"Yeah, I put them in storage before the party, never bothered to get them out." Shego looked at the place. "This is it...I think? This is the only lair they had available?"

"Yes...oh," Drakken cringed. "Little...cliche isn't it?"

There had only been one lair available on short notice and none were even going to be open until after the holidays were over. This one was always available, but Drakken had always been overly picky about lairs. But it was either that or the Villain's Inn and neither wanted that. So Drakken took the offer sight unseen.

Shego and he looked at each other with concerned faces and then back in front of them. Beyond a wrought iron fence and crumbling stone pillars with dragon heads on them was the lair. Atop a vast, overgrown property with broken steps leading up its dark hill stood the structure of a large, gothic manor that had seen better days. Vines wrapped it so much, the actual silhouette was partially lost. At the roof one could see a glass dome in the back that reminded Shego of something out of Frankenstein. She was certain that was the lab part. Lightning flashed in the sky as the wind blew the iron gate open. They both jumped and let out a slight scream.

"That was...oddly well timed," said Drakken, his arms wrapped around Shego.

"Yes, very...dramatic," gulped Shego.

They both stood there, watching the gate swing slowly as the storm clouds blew in. It was unsettling thinking how the addition of maniacal laughter would paint a perfect Halloween-style scene. Shego felt a shiver run up her spine. Something about the place gave her the creeps...and that was saying something. She took a deep breath to shake the ridiculous nonsense from her head and smelt mint and oil. She raised a brow and then felt her face grow warm. She was still clinging to Drakken. She let her hands slack and expected the same from him, but he was staring at the place with a confused look on his face. She cleared her throat...but nothing. She sighed and shoved him off her. His sudden look of agitation and confusion faded to embarrassment.

"So, this place, huh," said Shego, choosing to let the mock window close. Judging by the state of the place, she would have a few more in no time. "I know you want the whole mad scientist vibe, but this might be overkill."

"Yes, well." She saw him give a devious smirk as she went to the hover car. "Fetch the bags Igor, let's get settled."

"What did you just say?" asked Shego, her eyes narrowing as she grabbed the bags.

"Nothing," said Drakken. He began to stroll off towards the lair.

"Geesh," said Shego as walked into what was supposed to be her room.

It was large with high ceilings and décor that wouldn't look out of place in a Bram Stoker novel. She tossed her bags on the bed. She was shocked at how clean the place was at least, and it had modern electricity and accommodations. Perhaps the original lair owner had just wanted the traditional dark look. She walked over to the ancient-looking vanity and yelled in pain as a floorboard snapped up and smacked her. The lights flickered with a loud roaring sound. She glared as she opened the closet, then jumping back as a few bats screeched their way out and began flapping around her room. The lights shut off as crackling came from where Shego knew the lab was.

"Are you kidding me, we just got here," groaned Shego, storming out of her room. The door fell off its hinges as she opened it. "For crying out loud..."

"Well, it is impressive," grinned Drakken as he watched a large whirling electrical mass form above as the ancient lab seemed to spring back to life.

Drakken stood on the platform watching the amazing show of light. The lab itself was in ruins for the most part, with tables upturned and vines making their way in through cracks in the dome. Drakken had entered with a groan at the fact the computer systems had yet to be installed, plus he fell into what he had hoped was an intentional pond, because something had definitely touched him. He glanced towards the darkened hole in the far corner of the lab. As lightning crashed from the sky above, the room changed. The ball of electrical current above changed colors and Drakken dove as the colored light began to fall like rain, creating more sparks.

"Shego!" yelled Drakken as he dove from another onslaught of sparks. The power switch was closest to the door, where a wall of light seemed to form. "Shego!"

"You just had to touch things, didn't you?" said Shego with wide eyes as she skidded in the doorframe. "What did you do?"

"I turned on the power switch! Ah! Just...turn...it...off! Is it trying to hit me!?" yelled Drakken as different lights seemed to just barely graze him.

"This is why you don't touch anything until you know it's functioning," said Shego as she flipped the switch. Drakken slid out from behind the stairs of the platform he'd dove under at the last wave of light. "Well, looks like the cleaning crew never made it in here."

"It was locked actually," said Drakken. He indicated to the door where she saw he'd blown the hinges off. "The realtor assured me they cleansed this place every month."

"You mean cleaned?" asked Shego with a raised brow. Drakken shrugged.

"Sure," Drakken he looked around. "Perhaps some rest before I see what other things do in here... There's something in the pond."

"Yeah, well, there's bats in my room," said Shego. The lights flared back to life from in the hall, and she saw tools that had been used to bust the door off. "Got anything for that?"

"...You," shrugged Drakken. Shego glared.

"I'm not sure what to say to this," said Drakken as he sat in the kitchen looking at Shego, a gaping hole in the ceiling from the floor above.

"Why did you come crashing in a tub into the kitchen, or why do you have so many rubber ducks?" asked Shego with wide eyes as she lay on the floor, having nearly been crushed by the tub.

"Shego, can you get me a towel?" said Drakken as one of his ducks floated over the tilted edge of the bathtub.

"I will not, your little bath time nearly killed me," snapped Shego as she got off the floor. "Get it yourself."

"Fine," said Drakken after an annoyed glare. "I hope you enjoy the view, Shego."

"Pfft, yeah right... " Shego thought he was bluffing until he went to get up. "Okay! I'll get the towel, keep your bubbles on."

Drakken crossed his arms and waited in the tub, the water splashing with his movements. He was glad they hadn't gotten any henchmen yet, because the last three days had been a nightmare and the last thing he needed was for them to see him sitting in a bathtub with a bunch of ducks. The lights flickered again and he groaned. Now he was sitting in a bathtub, in a kitchen, in the dark. The water seemed to suddenly get colder than he thought it should and he cleared his throat.

"Shego?" he called, hoping she was on her way. He felt the skin on his neck spike up and something flared with light as a loud splash hit the water. Drakken dove out of the tub as something hit his foot. "Shego!"

"I'm coming, you try navigating in the dark," scoffed Shego as a green glow came in the kitchen. She saw Drakken behind the counter. "Losing patience?"

"Something's in the water Shego," said Drakken. A towel hit him in the face, and he backed away from the counter with it wrapped around his waist. "Something touched me."

"Yeah, one of a thousand ducks I'm sure," said Shego with an eye-roll. The lights flared back on and with them came a large metallic sound and water shooting from the tub. A frayed cord stuck out of the water and into a light socket from above. "Oh my god!"

"I...what... Is that the toaster!?" yelled Drakken. His chest pounded and Shego was gripping his arm tightly. "How...it was over there... Shego, how did...?"

"It... It must have slid across the counter with the shift of..." Shego stared at him and then to the tub. Her eyes narrowed and she shoved him. "Because you're an idiot and this lair is a fucking piece of shit, that's why. I'm going to bed!"

Shego lay in bed in deep thought. The canopy was pulled closed to prevent any stray bats she might have missed in escorting out the window. Her mind ran over the last few days. Every time something happened the electricity flared. Perhaps all the issues were electrical. She played back everything: bats, electrical grid attacking the lab, a few plumbing bursts that had flooded the one unused bedroom downstairs... She swore there was a graveyard in back of the lair, but Drakken had simply stated the stones were just for display as the realtor had told them. That morning she'd seen a girl outside the gates who just vanished.

"Okay, you're losing it. The place isn't haunted, it's just garbage," sighed Shego. Her mind went back to the toaster in the bathtub and she cringed, her chest pounding.

"Shego." She heard her name and sat up. She looked around the room; there was nothing.

"Okay, I need sleep," said Shego as she pulled the blankets tighter and forced herself to get sleep. There was a knock. "What now?"

"Shego." Drakken hesitantly leaned in. He was in his lab clothes. "I was hoping to work on some work..."

"So, go do that," said Shego, rolling her eyes. "Try not to die this time."

"Yes, well...maybe," Drakken gave a hopeful smile, "you could come with me."

"I'm kind of going to sleep here," said Shego, indicating to herself in bed. "Wait, are you scared?"

"No," said Drakken quickly, crossing his arms. "Just, I may need assistance with re-installing the computer grids."

"...You're scared," said Shego with a smirk. "Unless you're playing splish splash in our new kitchen bath, you're fine."

"I am not scared," said Drakken. "Just that, well there are a lot of problems and it's smarter if there's two of us..."

"Hey, we're stuck in this haunted lair until after the holidays, so suck it up," said Shego with an eye-roll.

"It's haunted?" asked Drakken. He looked wide-eyed. Shego stared at him. "Oh my god it's haunted...and it's trying to kill me."

"It's not... I was joking," said Shego, though she yelled at herself internally for saying it out loud.

"Does Go City have a lot of hauntings?" asked Drakken. "From a scientific standpoint...theoretically most paranormal occurrences are in areas with high electrical fields..."

"Go City?" asked Shego. She sat up having started to drift off. "We're not in Go City!"

"No, but it's not too far away from here," said Drakken. He raised a brow. "You drove us here."

"I used coordinates... We're outside Go City?" asked Shego. She looked around. "Whose lair was this?"

"I don't know, this is your turf. I thought you knew and it wasn't an issue," said Drakken. He looked shifty now and swallowed. "I'll be in the lab."

Shego mentally began thinking to her past life, considering all her villains together with the lairs she knew about. There were so many that she couldn't place as they'd apprehended them without ever having to go to a lair. Her disturbance at that also gave way to the unsettling feeling of being so close to Go City that her skin crawled. She took a deep breath. She needed sleep, especially if she was going to berate Drakken in the morning. She was just about to fall asleep when her lamp turned on and she shot up. She turned it off, and it came back on. She took a deep breath and unplugged it. The electrical in that lair was insane, that's what it was. Electrical issues. She turned towards the door. The only light in her room now was from the moonlight outside. It grew brighter as the clouds must have shifted, and an electrical sound buzzed near her as she finally fell asleep.

"So, we're just ignoring this?" asked Shego as she sipped her coffee at the dining room table over breakfast.

"Pretty much," said Drakken, drinking his as he read the latest newspaper.

"Not even going to try to deal with it?" asked Shego, looking towards the fireplace.

"Nope," said Drakken. He drank his coffee again.

"Do we know what it is?" asked Shego, looking closer.

"Not our problem," said Drakken as he stood up. "I'm getting more pancakes, you?"

"No," said Shego as he left the room. "I think we should have more concern for the black sludge dripping in the fireplace though."

"Nope," came a yell from the kitchen. She heard splashing. "We should move the tub away from the stove though."

"Uh huh," said Shego as another large plop-sound came from the sludge and she squirmed. Whatever the rain had washed down that morning, she was not dealing with it either.

Five days, thirty electrical incidents, four plumbing fails, two fires, thirteen near death experiences, and not a single scheme or plot formed. Shego shook her head as she lay in bed that night. That lair was a huge waste of time and mental energy. No wonder it was abandoned and no one stayed long; it was a complete pit of despair. The sludge in the dining room had least stopped and it didn't even smell, which bothered Shego more than it should. Drakken had made an effort to clean up the lab and it wasn't half bad, though every time he messed with something, electrical problems occurred. She smirked. She'd managed to convince him the place was haunted, just for her own amusements.

He'd started announcing entering every room and being polite to an invisible lair guest. She snorted at the memory of walking in on him talking to the pond in the lab, as if questioning someone why it was there. After thinking about it, all the issues were simply due to neglect for years. Cleaning the lair was one thing, but maintenance was key to any residence. She heard the power flare off and her lamp went out. She rolled her eyes. Drakken was hell-bent on fixing the monitors and circuits in the lab. She was just about to turn the unlit lamp off and get back to sleep when she heard frantic running and her door burst open. Drakken looked wide-eyed as he dove in her bed with her.

"You'd better have a really good reason for climbing in my bed Drakken!" snapped Shego, but the sound of electrical humming stopped her from blasting him out.

"Go..." came an echoed moan that radiated around the entire manor. "Goooooo!"

"You were right, it's haunted," said Drakken in terror. He hid behind her as a glowing figure slid through the wall. "Shego, do something. Blast it...something! I tried being nice to it, but it came out of the monitor!"

"Are you..." Shego tossed a plasma blast at it, but it only glowed brighter.

Shego stared at the specter before them, snow white and pulsating like electricity, translucent, with blue glowing lights for its eyes. There were no distinct features besides that. Her first instinct was to blast it, but that had proven helpless. Her second was to say they were imagining it, but Drakken's grip on her waist and shoulder disproved that illusion. Her mind ran through every tactical scenario and film reference she had, however as it neared the bed's edge and an icy breeze hit them, all reason threw itself out the window. She screamed and frantically clung to Drakken, who at her sheer panic initiated his own screaming and kicking. Shego's eyes slammed closed and her chest was pounding. She imagined Drakken was in a similar state until the coldness left and the two each opened one eye. Drakken had yanked the blanket over them, and slowly he lowered it. There was nothing there anymore. No glowing figure, no cold breeze...just nothing. It felt warm again, and even the lights flared back on. The two sat there in silence for what felt like hours but was only minutes.

"Shego," said Drakken in a whisper. She nodded slowly. "Villain's Inn?"

"Hell yes," said Shego as the two sprinted from the room at high speed.

As they drove away in the hover car the lights in the lair flared off again, the only light the electrical shape of a figure formed as the old broken computer came to life. Data streamed across the machine with sparks and in its cracks. A female voice with a heavy accent sounded from the machine as if a broken recording had been repeated too much by the electrical system's hard drive.

"Security Decoy, deploy! Team Go is no match for Electronique!" The laughter was cut off as the machine replayed it, the security server sending a charge through the abandoned lair once again.

Okay, okay... Let's Go →