A Warm Cup of Crazy Part 1
Drakken sighed as he looked at the ceiling of his lair. He glanced over to where Shego was reading her latest magazine. She'd been on the same article for what seemed like hours.
There can't be anything that interesting in there.
He looked at their latest failure in the corner and rolled his eyes. It was useless to start anything new. The Seasonal Truce began in two days and he wasn't in the mood to start it in jail or with a busted lip. His eyes still hurt from where Stoppable had kicked him the other day. Drakken smirked. The kid was learning to fight dirty now. He stared at Shego. He had other problems at present. He sighed again and spun in his chair.
"I heard you the first seven sighs, I just don't care," said Shego, finally flipping the page. "So knock it off before I stop your breathing entirely."
"Who'd sign your paychecks?" said Drakken casually. He smirked towards Shego.
"I'd forge your name and put Operation: Weekend at Bernie's in effect until I had everything changed over to my name. No one would even bat an eyelash. I have a cheap knockoff engagement ring, I can forge papers in my sleep," said Shego, looking at the page.
"You'd inherit my mother too, you know," said Drakken. Shego looked at him and groaned.
"What do you want?" asked Shego as she put her magazine down. "Apart from attention like some sort of overgrown toddler with a broken death ray."
"A favor," said Drakken with a hopeful smile.
"No," said Shego, going back to her magazine. "Whatever favor it is. No. The last favor I did for you ended up with me spending an evening with two of your exes, my ex, a baby villain, Adrena, and Team Possible...while in heels, mind you."
"You said you had fun," said Drakken. He sat up. "Shego, it's important."
"Fine, ask," said Shego. He pushed off with his chair so it ended up next to her. "Please tell me you haven't been practicing that again...because if you knock yourself out again...I'm not waking you up."
"No... Maybe... Anyway," said Drakken. He took a deep breath. "Would you join me for vacation?"
"Excuse me?" asked Shego with a raised brow. "You want me to go on vacation with you...as in...just us two...hanging out...like every other day around here?"
"Not just us..." said Drakken with a shrug. Shego raised a brow. "I made plans before Carmella and I ended things, and..."
"Did you book one of those Villain Retreats?" asked Shego. She rolled her eyes. "No way am I pretending to be in a relationship with you at a Villain Retreat because you can't get a refund. We know too many people there."
"No... There's a small family thing I said I'd attend and..." Drakken began.
"Oh, a family thing," smiled Shego sweetly. Drakken grinned and she glared. "Hell no."
"Please Shego," said Drakken. "If I don't go to this one, my mother is going to be insufferable and then come here."
"Sounds like your problem," said Shego as she went back to her magazine.
"Come on Shego, one day, that's it. Then you can make an excuse and go on vacation...my treat."
"Nope," stated Shego. Drakken glared at her and then smirked to himself.
"Fine, I suppose if I make nice with Carmella, she could be persuaded to join me," said Drakken. He looked at Shego, who glanced up at him.
"I know you're trying to annoy me with threats of that annoying woman sing-songing around this lair, but we are both aware that wouldn't go in your favor," said Shego with a raised brow. She flipped the page.
"I can be pretty charming, ShHeeEEgoOo," Drakken mocked Carmella's high-pitched voice, and Shego's eye twitched.
"I will go with you, for one day. But I want it in writing that that woman will never be in any lair we occupy, nor are you allowed to threaten me with it, " snarled Shego as she tossed her magazine at him and got up to head to her room. "In writing, Drakken!"
"So this is Motor Ed's childhood home?" asked Shego as they stood outside a quaint picturesque home with tasteful Christmas decorations. "I was expecting more...trailers...and beer can tinsel."
"Nope, this is my Aunt Michelle's... She's...interesting," sighed Drakken. "So, tonight you're bailing to spend time with your brothers if anyone asks- and they will."
"Who's all going to be here?" asked Shego, feeling sudden panic.
"Aunt Michelle, my mother, Eddie's grandmother, us," shrugged Drakken. "Tomorrow we all go and meet up with the other family members at a rented space... It's always a disaster. Especially Stephan and Stephanie."
"Who?" asked Shego with a raised brow. Drakken shook his head, his eyes wide with horror.
"They're almost as bad as Denise," He shook his head again and gave her a grateful smile. "Let's get this over with."
"Agreed, I want out of this sweater-dress and into my swimsuit by the end of the day," declaired Shego as they walked up the steps of the nice house. Drakken rang the doorbell.
Shego heard a female voice announce they were on their way and Drakken mouthed 'Aunt Michelle' and rolled his eyes. Shego was trying to picture the woman that would have given life to Motor Ed, but the image she'd created of a woman in far too much makeup and spandex was dashed. A slender woman with short blonde hair, a red dress, black biker vest, and black boots opened the door. Shego was relieved that at least the makeup had stuck with her image of Ed's mother. She looked shocked for a second and then smiled.
"Well look who finally tore himself away from his busy schedule to come to a family function," smirked Aunt Michelle. "Still blue, I see."
"Still blonde, I see," retorted Drakken. Shego's eyes shot open in shock until Aunt Michelle snorted and pulled Drakken into a bone-crushing hug. "How many steroids are you on?"
"Haha," snorted Aunt Michelle. She turned to Shego and smirked. "You must be Shego. You're even more beautiful than Eddie described."
"Uh, thanks," said Shego. She felt agitated at the idea of Motor Ed talking about her in any way, shape, or form.
"There's my little Drewbie!" came the familiar loud voice of Estelle as the two stepped inside the house. "Shego!? What a wonderful surprise!"
"Hi Mama Lipsky," smiled Shego as she and Drakken were both pulled into another bone-crushing hug.
"Yes, well, Shego decided to drop by before heading out for the holidays with her brothers, " said Drakken, giving Shego a nod. She rolled her eyes at his attempt at setting up an exit for her.
"Eddie will be glad to see you, I'm sure," said Aunt Michelle. Shego saw the glare from Estelle at the blonde.
"He's going to be here?" asked Shego. Drakken looked as shocked as her. "Really?"
"Why, is someone eager to see him again?" smirked Aunt Michelle, and Shego fought the cringe that wanted to show.
"I think Shego's a little too high caliber for Eddie," said Estelle shortly. She smiled at Shego quickly.
"What are you implying, Estelle?" said Michelle. Her brows knitted and Shego felt Drakken's hand on her shoulder as he steered them away.
"Motor Ed's going to be here?" asked Shego as they practically ran towards the kitchen. "I don't have the mental energy for that today."
"What, you think I do?" said Drakken. "I have no interest in a spotty recall of the chaos of our last 'hang time,' either."
"...Why air quotes?" asked Shego with an eye-roll. "I thought you said he was the black sheep?"
"Yes, well, he is," said Drakken with a shrug. "But...family."
"Well then who else is going to be here for your... family?" said Shego with a sigh. "Listen, it's bad enough your mother keeps trying to influence something between us, I don't need your aunt doing the same with your idiot cousin."
"Does it look like I control either of them?" said Drakken. He looked off into space again. "Should have brought the mints."
"Mints?" asked Shego. Drakken shrugged and it clicked. "You have Mind Control Mints?"
"They were a gift," responded Drakken with another shrug, and he sighed. "I don't think you have to worry. I mean our traditions have never changed in the years I attended, so I doubt any more of my family or extended family will be here."
"When's the last time you came to a family Christmas?" asked Shego with a raised brow. Drakken swayed his head in thought.
"Nineteen ninety-three, I think," said Drakken. He nodded. "Yes, because it was the year I turned blue and my Uncle Bart passed away."
"So, you don't even know if anything's changed," said Shego. Drakken suddenly paled as the doorbell rang and people could be heard.
"I might have been wrong," cringed Drakken.
Shego took a deep breath as she stood on the second-floor landing of Michelle Lipsky's home. The party had gotten into full swing below and she'd lost Drakken when he'd fled from cousin Denise. Shego really didn't want to know that backstory; she was still having concerns with Stephan and Stephanie. The elderly twins seemed to always just be staring at you. She shuddered and leaned against the wall. There were far too many strangers down there and all far too chatty.
She looked at the wall in front of her and cringed. It was littered from floor to ceiling in brightly colored frames of various sizes. Different pictures filled them from various times in the family's life, and nothing looked to be arranged in a cohesive timeline at all. There was a picture of what was obviously Ed's college graduation, a chubby baby in a biker hat, some scenery pictures, and more vast family ones. Shego scoffed and smiled at one of what had to be a pre-teen Drakken and Motor Ed.
An over-the-top lab was set up and they wore goggles far too big and dish gloves. Shego was shocked to see Motor Ed and Drakken without long hair and looking well dressed for what was probably the cotillion she'd heard about. Knowing their dynamic now, it was odd looking at the photos of a younger blond kid looking like he idolized his dark-haired cousin with crooked glasses.
"So weird," said Shego. She kept looking at the photos, and one larger one stood out and Shego took a double take.
It was clearly a picture taken in the 1960s by the attire and the coloring of the photograph. It showed two couples happily staring at the camera. A man in his thirties perhaps or younger, slicked dark brown hair and dark eyes, holding up a beer with a crooked smile that mirrored the blond boy's photograph above. A younger Michelle with long blonde hair in a headband, a patterned dress and boots, and wearing the man's leather jacket sat on his lap holding a beer as well. His crooked grin seemed in stark contrast to the man behind him with the other woman. Shego smiled at the young Estelle. She looked just as obnoxious as she was now, her head leaning on the man's shoulder as she clutched his arm tighter than a normal person might. Her glasses were the same tinted green, she wore a floral dress, and very tall green heels. Shego had to give it to both women—they were dressed well for the era.
The man Estelle leaned on was extremely well dressed in a nice suit, with his dark hair slicked back and a slight smile on his face as his hand rested on Estelle's knee. He looked older than Ed's father. Drakken may have his mother's jawline and nose, but the rest was all inherited from his father, save for the fact...Drakken looked less dangerous than the man in the picture. He wore black leather gloves with a ring outside it, and there was a nasty scar down the side of his face and eyebrow. Shego looked at Ed's father. A ring just like his brother's was on his hand, but he held no scars that she could see. Shego looked at them.
There was something off about them, and those rings... They both looked like something woven. She wished the picture was bigger.
"That's one of my favorite photos," said Estelle. Shego jumped and Estelle laughed as she patted Shego's arm. "Didn't mean to startle you, Shego. I was on my way to the restroom, that's all. Michelle has more photos than she knows what to do with."
"Yeah, I see that," said Shego. She looked at all of them and went back to the picture. She gave a soft smile and raised a brow. "It's a really nice picture, I'm loving the heels."
"That was taken about one month after we were married," said Estelle. She smirked. "We were on our way to Vegas for Michelle's and Bart's spur of the moment weekend wedding. They wanted a bachelor and bachelorette party picture. Which was just us four at a questionable dinner and the new camera Theo had bought."
"Not gonna lie, it looks like you're all about to pull off a heist, especially with Theo's leather gloves there," said Shego. The picture certainly looked like one that might be taken at a casual villain party.
"Hmm," said Estelle with a raised brow at the picture. Shego suddenly became curious over her expression before she gave a delayed laugh. "It was part of his look, always gloves and a hat. My fault really, I bought them for him because he always injured his hands working."
"What did he do for a living?" asked Shego. Estelle shrugged and Shego found this very suspicious.
"He did a lot of odd jobs here and there," said Estelle. She began walking towards the bathroom. "You should go downstairs, we're about to start our annual cookie fest!"
"Huh?" asked Shego. She looked at the picture again and squinted at the odd identical rings. "Interesting."
Drakken sat on the couch with Stephanie and Stephan on either side of him. He had his arms crossed as the two didn't seem to look away from him at all. His only solace as he was certain they plotted his death in some way, was that Denise, Ed's second cousin from his mother's side, was terrified of the two.
As one would be if they had been locked in an attic with them for two hours.
Drakken cringed at the childhood memory of being forced into numerous odd social gatherings. The only one he'd ever gotten along with was Ed. Drakken sighed.
Oh dear god, no, I do not miss that obnoxious...
"This is totally awkward, seriously," came Ed's voice from in his left ear. "Uncle Stew has the pig in his car, seriously."
"Eddie!" yelled Drakken, cursing at his own relieved voice as he looked up at the blond man.
"Looks like we're both making family appearances this year," smirked Ed cheerfully. "Rad, seriously."
"Where are you going Drew?" said the twins at the same time as Drakken went to stand.
"...Punch," said Drakken, who slid over the back of the couch as they both blocked him from getting up.
"We got science things to discuss," said Ed, putting an arm around Drakken. "Dude, seriously Cuz, they get creepier every time I see them, seriously."
"The taxidermy dog necklace is a new addition," said Drakken with a cringe.
"Stephan always did push the envelope with fashion, seriously bro," said Ed as they entered the kitchen where the smell of over-sugared dough wafted. "I mean, it's bad as Stephanie's hat...so."
"Was that a dog's-" Drakken was cut off.
"Eddie!" came Michelle ecstatically as she put down her drink where she'd been leaning talking to Stew, hurrying over to her son.
"Ma!" yelled Ed as he picked up his mother with a big hug. "Digging the vest, did you like my Christmas gift?"
"It came this morning, I love it," said Michelle. "I didn't know you could install rocket jets as an accelerate on a Harley."
"Pssht, chya," said Ed. "Anything for my Ma. Listen, I brought someone with but she's running late."
"You brought someone?" asked Michelle and Drakken at the same time. Ed rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, like I would be here alone, seriously," scoffed Ed. He made a cringe face towards Drakken. "We can't all be as brave as you, Drew, seriously."
"I'm not here alone," said Drakken defensively, glaring at Ed in agitation, "I'll have you know."
"Yeah, Drew brought Shego," said Michelle. Ed perked up.
"No way, Green's here?" laughed Ed. He rolled his eyes. "Man, wish I'd come here alone now. I meant a date, Cuz, not Shego."
"Shego is my date," said Drakken. He didn't know why he said it. He internally yelled at himself.
"No way, you and Green? Seriously, that's hilarious," said Ed as he slapped Drakken's shoulder, and suddenly all reason went out the window as Drakken glared at Ed.
"Yes way, Shego is here as my date, not my assistant," said Drakken crossing his arms and sticking his tongue out at Ed.
"Yeah right," said Ed crossing his arms and doing the same as Drakken.
"Fine, I'll prove it," said Drakken. He didn't know why he said that as he stormed out of the room, but just as luck would have it, he saw Shego about to come down the stairs. He darted forward before she could clear the landing. She was looking behind her. "Shego."
"For fu-..." Shego jumped as he realized he had startled her and was far too close. "What? Why did you run up the stairs?"
"Eddie's here," said Drakken. Shego groaned and rolled her eyes, "Yes, well, that's not why I'm up here. I need you to be my date."
"I already am," said Shego with a groan, indicating she was standing there. "If you remember, I came here with you."
"Yes, yes...you are my date," said Drakken. He nodded. "Tell anyone who asks...exactly that."
"...Did you tell everyone I'm your girlfriend?" asked Shego with narrowed eyes. Drakken saw her hands flicker.
"Before you blast me down the stairs, remember. It's my family Christmas party, and what's the lesser of two evils: continuing the evening as was planned with just one minor title change or being badgered by my Aunt Michelle and Motor Ed."
"...Terms?" asked Shego with a sigh. Drakken grinned. She shook her head and he cleared his throat.
"Same as we planned. Sit together at dinner, be my buffer when things get weird...and they will. And if need be...make an excuse for me to bail when you do," said Drakken. "And obviously if anyone asks, you're my date."
"That's simple, here I thought you were going to add in hand holding and flirting," said Shego with a shrug. Drakken thought about that.
"Should we?" asked Drakken. "You're right, it may seem too awkward if we didn't show any affection towards each other."
"How about we play it by ear," said Shego. Drakken's racing mind slowed and he nodded. He didn't want it too over-the-top or Ed would know he was lying.
"Deal, okay, first thing. You have to tell Eddie," said Drakken, grabbing Shego by the shoulders and heading her downstairs.
"Seriously?" asked Shego. Her eyes went wide. "Is your cousin wearing a dog's..."
"She's Eddie's cousin and yes... Try not to stare or they will follow us," said Drakken as they headed towards the kitchen. Ed was leaning against the fridge as Michelle grinned at him.
"Yes Ed, Drew and I are a thing," sighed Shego as they arrived in the doorway and he gave her a wide grin. "I am his actual date."
"Seriously?" said Ed in shock. He shook his head and put his arm around a woman next to him. "Whoa, freaky. Well this is my date. Babe, this is my cousin and...his date?"
"Nice to..." The brunette woman froze with wide eyes. "Drakken? Shego?"
"Cleopatra?" asked Drakken.
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