The Chronicler

by C-Hablerie

Reality is law. Logic is king. Reason is good. Throw all these out the window and all you are left with is the reality you make for yourself. Some call me The Chronicler, and this is the story of the story I lived. And how I came to chronicle the Legend of the Straw Hat. "I have no idea where I am.[Officially Cancelled. Rewrite: 'Imagine Dreamers', in the making...]

4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Now That Is Sea Food

Abel's Log, First Day Out Of Hell

Life is finally starting to become bearable again!

I've washed my clothes and bathed for the first time in almost a month, and let me tell you, nothing beats being clean. Oh yes, I feel so pure and light, you don't even know. I don't even care that this place is way backwards when it comes to tech.

It's a shame my clothes were so banged up. But I despair not! After a little help from a mirror and some scissors, I've made the tears and holes a part of the ensemble. Now they add character, instead of just looking like a mangled ratty mess.

Oh, if I could laugh at the sorority girls in school now. I made ragged clothes look cool and fashionable. Bow down bitches and call me Fashionista!

Now as for my rescuers, they are... well, the four are a diverse bunch. I got their basic personalities down quickly. Swordsman is brooding and serious, Long-nose is a really bad liar and a coward, Nami is sane(she's my favorite), and Luffy... Oh boy, that kid is simple.

Now, I don't mean that in a degaratory manner, it's just a fact. The guy isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. He's got spirit and guts abounds, but something is definitely lacking upstairs. Now I get why Nami seems to call the shots on the ship.

I will hold their faces in my mind forever after they found out someone as pretty as me was a guy. Oh boy, that was a good one! I just love jerking people around with my natural charm. They took it well enough, I suppose. Luffy even seemed to appreciate the joke. Or maybe he laughed just because.

Anyway despite being pirates, they seem like a good bunch. I hope my trip on this vessel will be relatively peaceful.

I should go get some air.

-o~O-O~o-

I stretch a bit and close the journal. Writing in it is starting to become a bit of a habit. It just helps me organize my thoughts. My own personal locker for everything that is on my mind.

I'd slept amazingly well last night, even if I had to make do with a hammock. I'd tried to persuade my way into getting to sleep in the place with an actual bed(even the couch would have been awesome), but Nami had claimed the area as the girl's quarters and shot it down.

Payback for my prank, surely. I suppose I am deserving of this.

I'd spent enough time sitting down and writing, so I felt a need to walk about a bit. I was already fairly intimate with the ship, the Going Merry, so I'd make do with being on the deck.

Of course, I wasn't that ready to just trust freaking pirates with my life, so I'd taken to keeping Azazel on my back at all times. I will give these people the benefit of a doubt, they did help me and Gaimon after all, but I am not so blind and stupid as to just be defenceless if anything goes down.

With the rifle on my back, and The Codex strapped onto the left side of my hip and the ammo bag to the right, I walked out into the sunlight. Immediately I could smell that salt-tinged sea air and feel the wind in on my face. It was honestly really nice. A good thing to supplement such a beautiful day.

I took note that every member of this crew was also present. Nami keeping an eye out towards the sea, Luffy sitting on the ship's goat figurehead, Swordsman leaning onto the rails, resting. The Long-nose wasn't in sight, but he wasn't a concern.

I let out a whistle, finding it impressive that this ship can function with just four hands on deck. Granted, this is a Caravel, I think, so it's meant for a skeleton crew. I'd immediately mentioned that they shouldn't expect help from me because I just do not know boat-stuff.

Nami made me learn some things anyway under the threat of violence, because this wasn't charity. She has spunk. Have I mentioned I like her? Anyway, now I know how to hoist the sails, can differentiate between board and starboard and can raise the anchor. Apparently I'm not allowed to do anything else. I don't think she trusts my inexperience. I don't really blame her.

"Oh my God!" Speaking of, that's her, paying attention to me. She looks shocked by something. But what? Is something on my face? "When you asked for those scissors I didn't think you'd cut your hair. It was really... good."

I blink, running my hand through my hair. My natural, really short black hair.

Oh. Yeah, now it makes sense.

"I must say you're mistaken." I speak up to correct this misconception. "I'm just washing my wig and it needs to dry. This is my real hair."

She gives me an appraising look. "You really go all out on this.. thing, huh?"

"This thing is called crossdressing. And yes," I say, straightening my posture and cross my arms behind my back. "I do like being pretty. And although I do prefer my wigs," I turn and raise my crossed arms behind my head, tilting my neck and assuming a sensual look in my eyes. "I'd have to admit that even like this I have a certain charm, wouldn't you say?"

"Uh... Sure," Nami says, clearly not grasping my full charm. Oh well, whatever works for her.

I shrug at her with a good-natured chuckle, only to be accosted by another member of this ship.

"Hey, dress-guy!" Luffy practically yells at me, invading my personal bubble with reckless abandon.

"My name is Abel," I remind him and push him away. "Personal space."

"I didn't get to ask this yesterday, 'cause I forgot," Well that's unsurprising. "What's your story, dress-guy?"

... He isn't grasping the name. Is he doing it to annoy me? Is he capable of that? For all his simple-mindedness, Monkey D. Luffy is puzzling.

Complete sidenote: apparently the last name is said first and first name last. How oddly japanese. I don't question it, it is a small enough detail for me to ignore.

So of course I'd adjusted and gave myself a fictitious last name.

"For the last time, my name is Abel. Cain Abel." I know, shut up. "And why the sudden interest? You know that the moment you hit a port of some kind, I'm gone, right?"

"Well, everyone has a story. And we've got nothing else to do, so tell us!" He says that like it's self-evident.

And this is why you can't argue with idiots. They either fail to give up, or make arguments you can't dispute. There is nothing in that argument for me to use as a way out. Of course, I could just refuse, but then he'd keep asking, and asking, and asking...

You see why I can't win?

I just sigh and run my hand through my short hair. In situations like this it's better to do the easy thing and give in. "Gee, fine! Not like I've got any real reason to hide it."

Overjoyed, for some reason, Luffy starts jumping around and clapping his hands over his head, much like his namesake. "Yay! Story time from dress-guy!"

My eyes roll, as now I'm certain everyone's attention is on me. Damnit. He must be doing this on purpose. I just sit on the deck, cross my legs under my dress and prepare to accept what is about to happen.

"You! Don't just pressure him like that!" Nami jumps to my defence. A little late for that.

"It's no use. He's already decided," Swordman says. I'm not certain who he means, me or Luffy. "Besides, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least slightly interested."

I wave my hand dismissingly with a deadpan expression. "You look rugged and hunky and all, but despite dressing like this, I don't swing that way."

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" The Swordman barks at my jab. Someone seems sensitive~.

I grin widely, maintaining eye-contact. I flutter my eyelashes and croon, "Oh, don't be so harsh on yourself. I'm sure there are plenty of handsome, masculine-"

"YOU SHUT UP BEFORE I KILL YOU!" He stands up, hand on one of his swords. Oh, but that is not all. He's blushing in embarrasment!

"Kehehehe," I laugh softly at his embarrasment. "Relax. I'm just messing with you. No need to get so riled up." The grin is back, which I halfheartedly cover with my hand. "Unless... You're into that~."

"Seriously, stop needling Zoro. " Long-nose says to me, walking to join me and Luffy on the deck. "He could seriously hurt you, you know."

"Oh, I know." I freely admit. "But that just makes it all the more tempting." I turn to the Swordsman. "But sorry. It's just my way of making fun."

He grumbles something and sits back down with a glare aimed at my drection. I suppose I deserved that. Anyway...

"So..." I begin, like a good sotry teller. "You wish to know my story?"

Luffy nods vigorously, beginning to resemble a bobblehead. While more subdued, even Long-nose and Nami nod, perhaps out of sheer curiosity.

I let out a sigh. No way out of this. Might was well.

"Alright. First off, I'm not from around here." I hold up a finger to prematurely silence the question. "And by that, I don't mean I'm from some bum-fuck nowhere isolationist island. I mean it extremely literally. I am from a different dimension. I am not of this world."

"Hmm, I see, I see- LIKE HELL I DO!" Long-nose snaps at me. "I tell a lot of lies and even I don't believe that!"

Luffy on the other hand...

"WOOOOOW! So cool!" He literally had gleaming lights for eyes. What the fuck. "Are you an alien?"

"You seriously believe that?!" Usopp smacks Luffy upside the head.

"No, I am not an alien. I'm a by the books human, as far as I can tell." I say without much enthusiasm. This was sort of predictable. "Look, I don't need you to believe me. By all logic and reason, I have absolutely no need to lie to you. You can believe me, or not. That's your choice. Quite frankly, I don't care."

"It is a bit too much to just accept," Nami speaks up, eyeing me with suspicion. "But if it is as you say, then how'd you end up on that island?"

Ahh, the big questions!'

"You know, the funny thing is that I have no fucking clue myself." I admit, running my hand through my hair. "One moment I was walking through a park near where I lived and suddenly, BAM, middle of a sea with a raft." I let out an annoyed sigh just remembering it. I take The Codex and lift it up. "All proof I have of anything is this damn, stupid book."

"What is it?" Nami asks, curious of the dumb, white paperweight.

"Something called The Codex," I explain the best I can. "It's a book that apparently contains a lot of facts and information about this world. Though most of the pages are blank."

"Blank? How does that work?" Asked Long-nose, Luffy listening closely in anticipation.

"Like I know." I admit grudgingly. Not understanding really ate at me. "It just somehow fills itself in at random... Actually." I crack it open and begin skimming the contents. I haven't actually checked if anything new has appeared.

"What are you-"

"Shush," I shush Nami and keep a keen eye on the pages until I hit something. "...Huh, this is new. I have a profile on Monkey D. Luffy here."

"Seriously?" Long-nose asks, shocked.

"Oh, oh, tell me what it says!" Luffy is all hyped up for some reason. Even Zoro is listening. Maybe I can use this as proof...

"Okay, sure," I comply. "Can't quarantee that it's accurate, but whatever." I read the whole thing quickly and give out footnotes-version what I picked up.

"Monkey D. Luffy, your home was in Foosha Village, on Dawn Island. Your Straw Hat has given to you by someone you admire. You spent some time at Mt. Colubo, with a bunch of mountain bandits lead by Curly Dadan. You woved to set sail on your seventeenth birthday with your..."

I turn to look at the straw hat wearing captain. "You're seventeen?"

"Yup!" He says with a grin. "That's so cool! You got everything right!"

"What, really?!" Usopp gasps in shock.

"It's not that comprehensive. I feel like some details are missing." I mutter, stuck in my thoughts. I look at every member on board. "... Forgive me for asking, but is anyone here older than twenty?"

Everyone shakes their head.

"... I am surrounded by children."

"Oi." They all respond simultaneously.

"Don't you 'oi' me! Just a bit shocked that I'm the only adult on this damn boat." I snap at them. "Hell, how are you let out so young? Being pirates at such an age... I mean, I've heard of teenage rebellion but this is a bit much."

"Hey, you don't look that much older than us!" Long-nose remarked.

"Oh, you'd be surprised of my youthful charms," I say calmly. "I'm 29, just so you know." Cosmic anger at vanity be damned, but I look damn amazing for a guy who is almost pushing thirty. Fine wine, I am.

"That aside," I attempt to change the subject, flipping the pages of The Codex and stop at a filled page. "I got something on Long-nose there as well, if you want some more proof. Syrup Village, your dad is a pirate, you spent your days lying your ass off to everyone. Actually, you are all mentioned here. You kicked the ass of some guy named Kuro, right?" Based on his bugged-out eyes, I hit it on the money.

"Okay, we believe you." Nami said, holding her hands up in defeat. "There's no way you'd know that normally. I guess I can accept your story."

"It sounds unbelievable, but I guess it must be true," Long-nose mumbles, frowning.

"Nevermind that! I've decided!" Luffy exclaims, still all hyped-up about something. "Abel, join my crew!"

"EHHHHH?!" All his compatriots scream out. I can only stare at him with a dead expression.

... Shit.

-o~O-O~o-

Abel's Log

I might have screwed up. I might have screwed up big.

Apparently my story of being from a different world caught Luffy's interest. A bit too much, because now he is adamant that I need to join his pirate crew. He's pestered me endlessly about it, despite my constant refusals. The kid simply doesn't get the meaning of 'no'. I don't want anything to do with such a dangerous lifestyle!

According to the Swordsman, refusal is at this point impossible and my acceptance just a matter of time. I remain sceptical. Luffy is a good kid, I give him that. But he couldn't be nowhere near charismatic enough to sway me so strongly. I refuse to humor such thoughts.

At least he uses my name now.

Afterwards I looked at the Codex again on Nami's request. I didn't find anything on the Swordsman or her. I might have misread it, but for some reason she seemed relieved. Something tells me I'll have to keep an eye on h

Damnit, what is happening now?

-o~O-O~o-

I stepped out to see what the damn noise was about and wouldn't you know it, Luffy is messing with a cannon. Damnit all!

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" I ask, dreading the answer.

"Testing the cannon." He says it like it's not at all a big deal. "I was aiming for that, but I missed." He points to an outcropping of rocks in the distance. Damnit, that-

I just settle to rubbing the bridge of my nose.

"I told you you couldn't do it. Let me show you how it's done" Long-nose steps over and starts messing with the cannon himself.

"Damnit all! Cannons are not some toys you just play with!" I voice my grievances, but go ignored.

It's then that Long-nose fires the cannon and the cannonball blows up the outcropping.

... That's not how- forget it. Sure. Cannonballs blow up. Okay. At least that can make plausible sense and work in practice.

"Woooah! Nice shot, Usopp!" Luffy is esthatic.

"... That was accurate," I refrain from outright praise by pointing out the obvious.

"Holy smokes, it hit- I mean, of course! I'm the best sniper in East Blue, after all!" Long-nose boasted, transparent in the fact that he didn't think he'd have hit anything.

I find it harder and harder to find anything nice to say about the guy. But it's not my place to say anything, so I stay silent.

Long-nose and Luffy then got into an argument over who got to be captain. I swear, these kids...

-o~O-O~o-

Amazingly the argument continued to the table set out in what was supposed to be the mess hall. I think.

"That's okay, I'll let you have the position for now," Long-nose finally conceded without actually conceding. "However, if you do a poor job, I'll be replacing you."

I swear, this is the most childish thing I've ever heard.

"That's fine," Luffy agrees, for some reason. "But I've been thinking." I actually start seriously listening. "We're need to fill one more position before going to the Grand Line."

... That is actually a good thing to think about. I'm surprised. I continue munching on a stale piece of bread I took for myself.

"Right, we have this nice kitchen," Nami remarks. And it is indeed adequate, for a ship kitchen. Although I'm no expert, of course. "If you pay me, I'll do it."

Oh yeah, one thing I've learned. Nami loves money. Tried to extort some fees from me just minutes after I came aboard, only to be detered when I mentioned I didn't have money. She then mentioned that she was only joking, but I don't know. Also, apparently the currency they use here is called Beri.

Stupid name. Anyway, back to this conversation.

"It's an important position for a long trip," Swordsman remarked from the floor where he was leaning on a crate instead of sitting around the table like a normal person. I was sitting next to Nami, by the way, if you were curious.

"That's right, it's someone we need to have on a pirate ship!" Luffy stated excitedly. "Hey, Abel, can you play music?"

"ARE YOU AN IDIOT?" Both me and Swordsman scream at the dimwitted captain.

"What the hell do you think sailing is?" Nami asked in exasperation.

"I thought you'd say something constructive for once," Long-nose sighs.

"Okay, first off! There are way more important positions than a damn musician!" I start. "Secondly, no I cannot. I'm musically deaf so- WOULD YOU STOP THAT! I'm not joining you!" I almost got sidetracted for a moment.

"Pirates have to sing and dance though"

"Okay, that's categorically true but IT'S NOT A SUFFICIENT REASON!" I snap at the simple captain.

All of a sudden some uproar is happening outside, stopping this stupid argument in it's tracks.

"Come out here, pirates!"

"Oh great. I knew today started off to well," I grumble and take Azazel into my hands in case I need it. Luffy is taking initiative and already heading to see what is happening out there, or more precisely, who is causing that ruckus.

Honestly just the first person to do anything, I join him. I'm just curious and I can't stand not knowing what the hell is happening. Besides, I'm armed and not too concerned of my ability to defend myself.

"What? Who are you?" Luffy asks, me following him to find a man aboard the ship. He's wearing sunglasses, a blue jacket and has a tattoo on the side of his face. He's also armed with what I think is a cleaver sword, dadao I think it is called.

"Shut up!" The man shouts. "It doesn't matter who I am!"

"Shit!" I cry as he suddenly charges and swings his sword hard enough to break a part of the railing dividing Luffy and me from him. Luffy just jumps out of the way while dragging me with him.

Holy crap that guy is strong! Or maybe his apparent anger is just releasing a shit ton of adrenalin to his body. Whatever, I quickly right my stance after being dropped on the deck with Luffy

"I've killed countless of pirates, yet a no name pirate like you dares to try kill my partner!" The suglasses wearing man growls at us. Or more specifically, Luffy while I'm on the firing zone.

"What do you mean, partner?" Luffy asks innocently yet insesitively, while I take a more placative approach.

"Hey, man. Why don't you just chill and we can tal- GAH!" I react quickly as he swings at me using both hands, intercepting his blade with the wooden body of my rifle. The blade doesn't sink in, oddly, but immediately my arms begin to budge under crushing strength and I can barely keep myself standing. Holy fuck he is strong!

"Calm down? I don't think so, pirate!" He screams at me as he adds even more force to his blade, causing my knees be begin buckling. I grit my teeth and focus all my efforts to fight against him, but he is just too. Fucking. Strong!

"I don't know what you're on about, but stop damaging the ship and leave Abel alone!" I hear Luffy yell as all of a sudden a fist enters my field of vision and strikes the man in the face, knocking him off of me and, incidentally, causing me to land on my ass as the force I was fighting against disappears. I breathe heavily, having come uncomfortably close to something very unpleasant.

"Hey, you!" I hear Swordsman say. "Aren't you Johny?"

"Who is it? Calling my name so disrespectfully?" The man asks arrogantly. After just being bodied by Luffy's punch. He then looked towards the swordsman and his attitude suffered an immediate one-eighty. "Zoro-aniki!?"

Wait, aniki is a japanese term of respect, which is used mainly in the yakuza circles. It means... 'Brother', it think...

... Oh for fucks sake, he knows this guy?!

-o~O-O~o-

"So let me get this straight," I start, impatiently with my arms crossed, tapping my finger on my bicep and wearing a metaphorical angry cloud of death over my shoulders. "You were camping out at that rock formation when it was suddenly shot to high hell, saw a pirate ship and decided to take some names. Mainly because you were concerned for that mess there. Am I understanding this correctly?"

The tanned man who'd attacked me was sitting on his knees, back ramrod straight and sweating bullets at my glare. The man named Johny was acting like a child being scolded, which was exactly what was going on here. Besides him, lying on the deck was another man wearing a green jacket and shorts of all things, looking very sickly and on death's door.

I didn't regard him with much interest at the moment.

Sunglasses nodded meekly. "Y-yes, that is-"

"Did I say you were allowed to speak," I speak, tone cold as the ice that would freeze over all of Hell. He clams up and somehow his posture gets even straighter. "As for you..." I take a deep breath and focus on the other set of children to scold.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY?! YOU DON'T PLAY AROUND WITH FUCKING CANNONS! THOSE ARE NOT TOYS!" I scream my lungs out at the captain and sniper in a very similar position, delivering two special gifts to their apparently empty skulls. Lefty for Long-nose and Righty for Straw Hat.

"WAAAAH! WE'RE SORRY!" They scream as one, hugging each other and crying in fear, reasonably terrified of my fury. Luffy even developed a comically oversized bump on his head, which made no sense.

I refuse to show how damn much my fists sting from the effort.

I hear a sigh of relief from behind me, so I whip around a deliver a spin-kick to Sunglasses' face, making him topple over. "I'm not fucking done with you!" I scream at my initial anger sink. "What kind of person goes out to sea without preparing to something as common as scurvy! I'd ask if you were idiots, but I hate pointing out self-evident bullshit!"

As I went about on my rage-induced rant about seafaring safety, I shut out everything except these four idiots.

-o~O-O~o-

Zoro and Nami were silently watching the admittedly epic telling down Abel was giving to the idiot captain, Usopp and Johny, and by extention, the unconscious Yosaku. Both bearing look of subdued surprise.

"You know," Nami began, "I thought Abel was just a mild mannered guy, but..."

"I get it," Zoro muttered, keeping a keen eye on the situation. "Thought the guy was just a pushover. Now I'm not so sure." And it was rare for Roronoa Zoro to have doubts. But seeing the gothic crossdresser unleashing his unshackled fury made the man change from a calm weirdo with a stick up his ass to a harbinger of demise.

Anyone who could force someone as dense as Luffy to listen and slam fear into his empty head had to be worth something.

Nami herself found certain relief in knowing that there was someone other than herself on the ship with an adequate quantity of common sense. She could also respect how well the crossdresser was commanding the situation, forcing the guys to pay attention to every word he screamed at them.

Without giving it much thought, both of them merely gave slight smiles of amusement as the scene played out.

-o~O-O~o-

Huffing and puffing, I found myself soon out of breath. Screaming my irritation away feels good, but damn is it draining.

"Ok," I say, holding my hands up, breathing heavily. "I'm done now." Time to adress the elephant in the room. I turn to Nami, the only one I can even dream of depending on right now. "Do you have any citrus on board?"

"Some limes in the storage."

"Got it." I nod and turn to Luffy and the stupid Long-nose. "You two, atone for your sins and bring some of those limes up here!"

The two are gone the instant I finish my sentence.

"I-is Yosaku gonna be okay?" Sunglasses asks, terrified to speak in my presence no doubt. He then bows very deeply, forehead mere inches off the deck. "H-he's dying, so please help him!"

"Don't be so dramatic," I scoff dismissively at him as I spy the duo of idiots returning with some limes like compliant choir boys.

Is what I'd want to say.

"Damnit, I didn't say bring the entire barrel!" I yell at the two before rubbing the bridge of my nose. These two... "Whatever. Okay, you idiots. Now squeeze the juice from those limes into the sick guy's mouth. And hold his nose closed so he'll be forced to swallow!"

"You know, for a guy who claims to not know anything about sailing, you seem to know a lot about sailing," I hear Nami remark from the sidelines.

I huff and place my hands on my hips. "It's just common sense where I'm from. Hell, scurvy has basically been exterminated as a threat because everyone knows about it."

"S-so my partner will be okay? Yosaku will be fine?" Sunglasses asks hopefully. "T-thank you so much, ane-san!"

He flinches at my steely glare. "I'm a guy and after all the bloodvessels you almost made burst you better refer to me as Banchou." I state coldly, accepting no compromise. I literally demanded his respect.

"Y-yes, Banchou! Thank you!"

Huffing in satisfaction, I turn back to check on- "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? DON'T SHOVE THE LIMES IN HIS FACE LIKE THAT! ARE YOU TRYING TO CHOKE HIM?"

Souls of my ancestors, give me strength to deal with this crap...

After forcing the two dimwits to do it right, I prepared to wait for the other guy to get better enough to stay conscious and use the time to cool off from my earlier outburst. And so I waited calmly.

Is what I'd want to say.

"Hahahaa! It's a miracle!" Sunglasses hollers in pure joy, jumping arm-in-arm with his friend who got up mere moments after getting treated.

"I feel like a new man!" The other guy, let's call him Shorts, yelled just as joyfully.

I immediately slam my fists on both their skulls. "NO WAY YOU'RE BETTER YET, SIT THE FUCK DOWN!"

Damnit, my fists hurt...

I then proceeded to convince Sunglasses and Shorts to calm the hell down via liberal threats of violence and angry lecturing. So they now sat crosslegged next to one another, their countenances changing dramatically. They even mirrored each other's arm positions.

I realized, much to my ever growing annoyance with these two, that they were trying to act cool.

"I apologize for our belated introduction," Sunglasses starts.

Please tell me they're not-

"We're a famed bounty hunter duo," Shorts continued.

Damnit, they are!

"Johny!"

"Yosaku!"

"Together we are the legendary hunter duo, Sword Saints!" Both proclaimed in sync.

I give them the most suspicious and dead look I have, before turning to Swordsman, quirking my eyebrow in a silent question.

"Johny and Yoasku are bounty hunters, yeah. But they are nothing outside the norm," Swordsman says, causing the two to slump at his brutal honesty. Maybe I've misjudged the guy so far. He seems pretty on the level.

"I figured. I can think of at least one person who'd feel insulted that some duo of dipshits go around calling themselves something as auspicious as Sword Saint," I remark, remembering a certain swordsman of yore. I turn back to the two bounty hunters. "Titles only mean anything if they are given for merit, not by self-conceit."

"Oooh! Such wise words, Banchou!" Sunglasses cheers. Shorts nods along, trying to appear deeply thoughtful. I'm not bying it.

"What a couple of suck-ups," I mutter under my breath so no one can hear it. I still notice Swordsman grin slightly in silent agreement. Level-headed and surprisingly sharp? Huh.

"Regardless, never expected to run into you two again," Zoro addresses the duo.

"Yeah, we're surprised too," Boxers says ."That the famed Pirate Hunter has turned pirate himself."

"Pirate Hunter..." I mumble, turning slowly to look at the absent-eyed boy. "... What kind of a rag-tag crew is this?"

My query went ignore in favor of the two idiots on board and a one-finger excavation of the nose cavity. Ew.

"What are you two doing here anyway?" Name asked.

"Well, you see..." Sunglasses started.

"My partner and I were on the chase for a particularly nasty pirate," Shorts continues, followed by Sunglasses taking reign again.

"But we were caught by surprise in the night and our ship sunk, leaving us to continue the chase with only our spirit and-"

"You're lost, aren't you?" Nami intersected with a deadpan look. The idiots flinch, confirming the statement.

"Oh, that was never in question," I quip in a humorous tone. "I mean, look at that sad exuse of a boat they have! Those are not meant for long distance travel and are meant for quick runs to a nearby landmass. I'd say they were on a very short trip, but lost their way. No one with an iota of intelligence goes seriously seafaring on a dingy."

I grin at my own deduction. Modern Sherloc Holmes, I am. Though I do feel a need to hit Luffy again, for some reason.

"You sure you don't know a thing about sailing?" Nami asks me with a suspicious frown.

"My dear Nami, I solemnly swear this is the first time I've as much as set foot on a boat," I answer dryly. "I just happen to commandeer common sense like a chef handles fine cuisine."

"Sure..." She rolls her eyes. "But that reminds me that this ship really needs a cook. Having one would make situations like that virtually impossible." She absent-mindedly points a tumb at the impressively recovering Shorts.

"Okay! That's decided," Luffy exclaims, done digging into his skull through his nose. "We are going to find a cook!"

"Sadly that is the first sensible thing he's said in a while," Nami said with a sigh. I pat her on the shoulder comfortingly.

"The blessing of common sense can't reach these mongs." I agree, nodding my head at the statement. I then wrap my arm around her shoulders and hold my other fist to my chest. I feel her tense up slightly at the sudden contact, taking note but largely ignoring it. "But that is exactly why sound minds like us need to stay firm in the stead of both morons and meatheads alike! We are the shield that guards them of their own idiocy."

"Oi," Zoro, Sunglasses and Shorts voice their empty disagreements.

"Yeah, makes sense," Luffy agrees.

"DON'T JUST AGREE WITH HIM, HE INSULTED YOU TOO!" The trio shout at the simple captain.

"What? He did?" Luffy tilts his head cluelessly. I... Can't...

"... Huh? Abel?" Nami asks, as my body had started convulsing slightly. Failing to fight it, I let it out.

"Kehehehehe!" I laugh. Not loudly, but not particularly quiet either. "Oh man, for a dumbass you at least know where you stand! That's better than some can claim. Impressive, even."

"Shihihi! Thanks, Abel!" Luffy laughs along, either not catching the backhanded compliment or ignoring it.

I let go of Nami and stepped back to lean my back on the railing of the Going Merry. "But you should do that. Find a cook, I mean. I can quarantee it'll keep you alive AND make your travels much more enjoyable."

"In that case," Boxers says, standing up with his pal.

"We know a place where you could find a good sea cook," Sunglasses finishes.

"Did I say you could move around yet? Sit." I shoot them a dark glare. They immediately sat back down on their asses, like a pair of obedient dogs. "And stop speaking in turns! It's more annoying than you realize."

"Sure thing, Banchou!" Sunglasses says.

"One more thing! I'm sorry in advance, but I really need to vent about this. It's been bugging me ever since I saw you two. What the hell are you wearing?!"

-o~O-O~o-

Meanwhile, looking on, Nami, Luffy, Zoro and a frightened Usopp spectated the admittedly amazing way the Gothic Lolita Crossdresser managed to bend the two bounty hunters to his will, lecturing them about their fashion choices. Each with their own thoughts on the subject.

'Huh? I thought that guy was just a weird wimp, but he's got steel in his heart. And the way he exerts his will on those two is actually sort of impressive. The guy might be a master at manipulating the wills of others to make them more malleable in his hands.' Thought Zoro, honestly impressed.

While Johny and Yosaku weren't anything special, and kind of weak by his standard, they weren't as weak willed as some would assume. They had spirit, he knew that, and a strong survival instinct when knew they were out of their depth. But Zoro himself couldn't even register Abel as a threat, and had no reason to believe he was all that dangerous.

It just made the display of dominant will more impressive. He vowed to keep a closer eye on this one. That, and seeing if the man could resist Luffy's single-minded goal to get him to join them.

As for the captain...

Well, he wasn't actually paying that much attention. Luffy mainly thought of what kinds of meat his new cook should be able to cook.

Back to actually relevant thoughts.

'Gaaah, Abel is really scary!' Usopp thought. 'She- I mean he's totally got those bounty hunters on a leash. Those two must fight terrifying pirates regularly, so to scare them into submission...'

What Usopp didn't know is that Johny and Yosaku weren't as profilic or nearly as brave as his wild imagination made them out to be. They weren't massive cowards or anything, but his vision was anything but factually correct.

Nami on the other hand wasn't that much paying attention to what Abel was saying, or to who. What she drew attention to was how he said what he did.

He was currently standing over the two bounty hunters, lecturing them on how to make their clothes not clash so horribly with each other and was briefly impressively livid at Yosaku's boxers for some reason. He was shaking his finger disapprovingly and scolding the two like they were misbehaving children. So Nami couldn't help but be taken aback at what Abel's lecturing reminded her of, in tone at least.

'Belle-mere...' Nami thought, the image of who was basically her mother scolding two little girls flashing through her mind, overlaid with the scene before her. The image was tinged with great sadness.

Only for another to replace it, as Nami felt a great hatred bubble deep within. She drew her hands into tight fists, keeping a calm expression in place. The thief shook her head to clear her thoughts. She didn't need distractions like this.

'I swear. This all will end soon...'

"- I mean, seriously! Where did you buy this, at a flea market or a dumpster? The quality of the fabric is so bad it almost makes me physically ill! Invest a little in your appearance, for fucks sake! To a bounty hunter, image can be as important as skill or technique. And another thing!" Abel kept going on his rambling lecture to the unlucky bounty hunting pair. It would take half an hour for him to stop.

-o~O-O~o-

It took a full day to get to the crew's destination. A seabound restaurant called the Baratie. I felt a slight shake in the codex, like the world's most annying smartphone, and after rifling through it I found an entry on it.

Apparently it's a place owned and run by an old pirate named Zeff and was the most famous restaurant of it's kind. I also got the image that this is one sea-faring establishment you don't want to fuck with. Apparently being a "great" target for pirates and other assholes forces you to take in certain types of employees.

I also skimmed some other vague entries that I didn't find that important. Like, who the fuck is Krieg(inspired name, by the way) and why should I care? Just once, give me proper context, you blank-paged motherfucker!

Anyway, I was cranky and hungry, so I just wanted to order some decent food on the expense of Nami. I refuse to believe she gives those three stooges access to funds unless she has to. I even okay-ed it from her! She was just glad I asked, like a polite individual. I think she was also a bit shocked at how hilariously honestly I worded it.

Literally: "I want to eat, I've got no money, so I'd like to ask to mooch off of you."

Wasn't even formed as a question, just a statement of intent. I can't believe I got that to fly.

But there was just one problem now.

There was another ship by ours, and I had a bad feeling. Mainly because that was a marine vessel- basically the local asshole law enforcement -and I was on board of a fucking pirate ship! There is no explanation that'll get me out of this, short of acting like I'm being held captive, which by a glance is obviously not true. I am carrying my rifle, for fucks sake!

"Um, excuse me," I raised my hand and and addressed the pink-haired(why?) marine, whose name I knew because he couldn't shut up about it but refused to awknowledge. "I'm just a civilian hitching a ride. Mind if I get off before you sink this boat?"

"A likely story! But thank you for the idea," Pinky spat my way. "Men, take aim! Sink that thing to the bottom of the sea!"

"... Shit."

"Nice work standing by us, by the way," Zoro snarks.

"Shut up! I hold no loyalty to any of you," I return fire. "Excuse me for not wanting to be branded a pirate, unlike you rebels. I like living a conflict free, safe existence. Filled with copious amounts of alcohol and possible barfights, but still."

"Don't just talk like nothing is happening!" Nami screamed. "Those marines are about to fire at us!"

I shrug. "Eh, I can swim to the restaura- shit, no I can't. I have no money." Well, fuck.

Just then a cannon fired and I was just about ready to jump ship when Luffy inhaled air and inflated like a balloon, catching the cannon ball with his stretchy gut and ricochet'd it away from the ship.

My eyes must've been bugging out as something came to me. something so terrible I'd forgotten it voluntarily.

"Oh yeah," I mumble audibly. "That thing I was trying to repress." I weakly turn to the only one who could possibly make sense of this to me. "Nami, I don't think I can repress that twice. It's a pattern now. I need to know what that is about."

The orange-haired thief raised a brow. "I told you-"

"Yeah. Devil Fruit-something. That means nothing to me! Context! It is important!"

"Oh, well I don't really know, really. Just rumors but I suppose I could try- OH GOD DAMNIT!" Nami suddenly screetched, looking past me. "Luffy, what did you do?"

"Sorry. Wasn't on purpose!"

I turned and saw the restaurant called Baratie. And a hole that was blown on the upper level's roof. From the cannon ball Luffy deflected, no doubt.

God damnit, this just screams trouble.

"... Fuck this. Want dinner?" I ask Nami, willing to let my stomach talk before I succumb to chroking the straw-hat boy till he is permanently blue.

-o~O-O~o-

"... That makes no sense." I state my mind.

"I'm sorry to tell you, but that is literally the best I can explain it."

After forcing Luffy to make amends for his mistake, the rest had gone to the restaurant to do what it was meant for. Well, me and Nami were there. The rest were doing something at the ship. Said they'd come after soon.

But before anything, I had Nami explain this 'Devil Fruit' business to me. Basic explanation: It's a mythical magic fruit that gives people who eat them fucking super powers, but make them lose strength and sink in water. Luffy had eaten the Gum-Gum Fruit, which made his entire body rubber. Made no fucking sense, but I am nothing if determined to debunk bullshit.

"Hmm, it's likely that these so called powers are just metaphysical changes in the subjects core biology, reconstructoring them down to the molecular level. The Fruit simply holds unstable but benign mutagens that force this change to occur," I mutter, mostly to myself.

"... I have no idea what you just said, but it sounds like you're reaching. Like, a lot."

"No I'm not," I say, not at all defensively. My theory is flawless! "Besides, not being able to swim when most of the world is ocean? That is such a massive handicap it's almost suicidally stupid. Literally no one would do it." She was giving me a look. "Okay, almost no one sane would do it."

"Do what?" Long-nose quips and joins us, along with Zoro.

"Forget it," I wave his question off, annoyed. "Just trying to keep my brain from melting from the insanity."

He shrugs and waits with the rest of us. Luffy has been talking to the guy who owns this place for a while, I think, but all I can do is wait for someone to come take our orders. My expectations grow by the second and I expect them to be met, damnit!

I propped my face up with my hand in boredom and just eyed my surroundings. The Baratie was... shockingly normal and plain. I literally have nothing special to say about it. Well, okay, yes I do! On the outside it looks like a fish. Whoever approved of that idea makes the bottom of my boot thirsty for a good kicking. It just looks so damn ridiculous! I can't even!

"Think Luffy can-"

"No," Zoro and Nami interrupt Long-nose's question.

"Usopp, let's be honest. This is Luffy we're talking about," Nami says.

"I just hope this won't take too long. I'd rather hit port sooner rather than later," I remark... Actually, "Wait, maybe I could hitch a ride from some other ship that passes by here?"

"Probably," Zoro agrees. "Would you?"

"Well, I mean," I mutter, thinking it through "I don't think I'd trust just anyone to get me anywhere. And since I kind of know you guys and can kind of place trust in you, I think I'd stick around."

"Oh, so you're joining my crew?"

I nod.

"Yes, exact-" I freeze as the sentence hangs orphaned in the air. I turn slightly to see Luffy's face way too close for comfort. My eyes slowly shift to a glare. "... Don't trick me into making empty promises. Also, personal space." I push his face away.

"Shishishi! It's okay. You'll come around." The way he smiles does not help me accept, no matter how much he does it.

I let out a deep sigh. I need to distract myself from this. Where the fuck is that waiter to take our orders?

"Hey, quit bothering the lady, choreboy!" We all turn to see a blond-haired man in a black suit approach our table. He carried himself like a professional, back straight yet casual enough to not seem uptight. I also noted the weird way his only visible eyebrow formed a curl. Strange, but okay.

"... Choreboy?" Zoro asks, confused.

"Luffy... What did you do?" Nami questions the idiot. I feel her dread, truly I do.

Seriously, he's already in trouble? What the hell?

"Are you the crew of this clumsy idiot, miss?" Blondie asks Nami in a very polite manner. The navigator nods, with only faint reluctance. "Your captain is working to pay for the damages he caused on the restaurant."

Oh. Well, that makes sense and doesn't sound so bad.

"But it wasn't my fault," Luffy pouted. I was inclined to agree with him, if only because I hated that pink-haired rat more at the moment.

"Shut your trap, choreboy! Save the excuses and get back to work!" The order was compounded with a truly fierce kick to the skull. But if Luffy's body truly was rubber, I don't think the impact is more than a minor inconvenience.

Funny, this guy was perfectly polite to Nami, and even to me. But when it came to Luffy... Oh... Ooooh. I see. So he's one of those types.

The grin within my soul widens to inhuman levels. I know what to do.

"Excuse me, but do you perhaps work here?" I ask in my melodic female voice. "You see, my entourage and I were waiting for a waiter to come take our order and were getting quite upset at the wait, but I wouldn't complain if it was a dashing man like you." I then wink, ignoring the looks Zoro and Long-nose are giving at my flirty behaviour.

Blondie's eyes run over my features and immediately turn to hearts at my charm. And I am being as literal as I can possibly be. Literally, his eyes changed into cartoony hearts and jumped out of their sockets, while beating. It was creepy beyond all belief, but I kept a cool facàde.

"Of course, madam! Sorry to keep you waiting, this place is up to brim with incompetent bastards," Blondie said in a gentlemanly manner, getting down on a knee and holding my hand daintily. "I am Sanji, the sous chef of the Baratie, and today your waiter, if it pleases you." He then lightly kissed the back of my hand. A chivalrous soul? Rare.

I let out a giggle, mouth slightly hidden behind my free hand. "Oh my~, and I thought chivalry and knightly values were a myth! Color me impressed." That man is just eating this up. Perfect! I let out a dramatic sigh. "But alas, as much as I appreciate your valor, darling, I am a bit of a bind."

Blondie snaps out of his amorous phase and shifts into seriousness in a blink. "Please, tell me. I couldn't sit by and leave a lday to her troubles." He was basically putty in my hands now. I just needed to sell this.

I took upon despondent features and sighed in sorrow. "Well, I've had a trying time as of late. For what seemed like an eternity I was stranded on an island, all by my lonesome. It was so harrowing I'd likely gone mad if not the timely arrival of my saviors," I exposit, shooting Nami a covert looks before continuing. "And now here I have a chance to finally enjoy the finer things in life, but I'm afraid I lack funds and am forced to take out of the pocket of my dear friend. But it just gnaws at me, the guilt, of taking advantage of her like that." I say this while pointedly gesturing at the orange-haired girl next to me.

The coup de grâce was a release of a sigh so broken it could only come from the heart of a conflicted maiden in distress. I could visually confirm it struck his heart like the Cupid's arrow. Now I just needed the final piece to fall in place.

"Oh, no, no! Don't worry Abel, it's fine, really. I mean, it'll be tough, but I'd do anything for my dear friend," Nami says, waving her hands in a calming and reassuring manner. I squel of joy inside. She got my signal!

I wipe away a non-existent tear with a faint melancholic smile. "Oh, Nami. Such a saint, you are. But I can't just use you for my own benefit. I'd be absolutely distraught if I caused you any strife."

"Ladies, please, put aside your worries," Blondie says, lighting a cigarette while looking all calm and cool. Trying to impress two women in trouble. How predictable. "I can't ignore such an injustice as a lady in distress. Fear not, I'll take it on myself personally to prepare my finest for you, free of charge."

A shocked gasp. "Oh my, are you certain? Won't you get in trouble? I wouldn't want to inconvenience..." Utilizing one of my lesser used talents, I make a sound deep in my throat, a good impression of a stomach aching of hunger. Peppered with a faint wince of hunger pains.

That really get's to him. A fire practically igniting in his eyes. I'd chucle evilly if it didn't break the act. "Fear not for me, Abel-san, Nami-san. A true chef doesn't allow a soul to be hungry when they can provide. And anyone who says otherwise can go die."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a hook, line and sinker in manipulation!

I send a radiant smile his way. "Oh, I can't possibly thank you enough! I... Umm..." I feing hesitation for a moment before standing up a little and landing a light peck on his cheek. I then sit back down and act bashfully. "A show of my appreciation, as my words seem to have failed me."

The blond chef has a goofy look on his blushing face as he turns his back to us. "Leave this to me, Abel-chan! I'll be back shortly, my dark angel!" He then left in a hurry.

"Hey, wait, aren't we getting to order?" Zoro remarked, speaking for the first time in a while.

"You bastards get whatever you're given!" With the rude snap at the swordsman, Blondie went to the kitchen.

I am quiet for a while before smiling very contently. Then a light laugh bubbles out of my mouth, unmasked and unchanged.

"Abel..." Nami says, looking at me expressionlessly. "That... was... absolutely incredible and evil!" She then begins laughing softly with me, smiling.

"What, did you actually want to pay for my share of the food?" I ask rhetorically with a grin of my own. "Oh, that poor womanizing, chivalrous fool. I have him wrapped right around my finger. I bet I could make him do anything for me."

"... You are terrifying, you know that?" Long-nose whispers, staring at me in shock and awe.

"Oh, without a doubt," I answer easily. "But who is the one getting a free meal for two, hmm?"

"Was all that nonesense really necessary?" Zoro asks, sounding more bored than anything.

"I'll have you know that an actor worth their salt doesn't half-ass a performance," I lecture him, pride tinging my tone. "Whether it be a quiver in your voice, a tear in your eye, or-" I blow a kiss and wink at the swordsman, who reacts with an annoyed snarl. "-a show of affection. And I do dare say I am a master at playing my part."

"I have to say, Abel. You're actually pretty great," Nami says with a sly smile, patting me on the back. I grin back.

"Oh, you just say that because I saved you money," I remark, winking at her. "But who am I to turn down compliments from a master thief? I take it you've used this particular strategy before, yes?"

She shrugs. "Once or twice. You'd be surprised what certain types are willing to do to impress a girl."

"Oh, believe-you-me, I know that all to well," I say, fondly remembering the many times I've got myself free drinks on the expense of horny idiots. "Thanks for going with that, by the way. Made it all the more easy."

"My pleasure. Anything for a friend," she says with a smile, though I notice it falter for just a second. Something came to her just then? Interesting.

"... Anyway, Luffy?" Zoro speaks up.

"Hm? What?" Luffy says dumbly. "Wasn't paying attention."

"Of course..." Zoro grumbles. "Luffy, how long do you have to work here?"

"Three years."

...

...

"WHAT?!" Zoro, Long-nose and Nami screamed at their captain. I just landed my face into my welcoming palms. Damnit, this is exactly what I don't need.

I stayed out of the ribbing the three were giving their captain. While not starving, I really could do with a great meal, so I decided to wait and let those three hash this out amongst themselves. Granted, this could be a problem, but I'll worry about it later.

After a while Blondie, I mean, Sanji came back with full course meals for both me and Nami. The guys got bland soup. I naturally fell back into my feminine act, milking this for what it was worth. I held no doubt that when I was found out, I will be a dead man walking. But It was so worth it!

And... Well, I am not a master of articulating what something tastes like. Years of alcohol and tasteless garbage have kind of numbed my taste buds to everything. After a while everything tastes like cartboard. But this food... What Sanji had made.. Let me put it this way. If God existed, this would be their breakfast, lunch, dinner and late-night snack. And they would be very, very fat and very, very happy.

Every bite was like a mythical elixir rejuvenating all my tastebuds to when I was little, absolutely adorable and innocent and enjoyng something warm my mom had made me. I wonder if she still...

I wasn't crying a little. Shut up.

I spent the rest of the meal in peace and quiet, enclosing myself to my own patch of paradise.

Is what I'd wanted to say.

A gunshot rang out as a marine fell through the front entrance. After him came a sickly looking man holding a gun. Without saying a word, the man walked over to a table by the window and sat down.

"This is a restaurant right? I want some food."

...

God damnit, Abel! Turn to your meal and savor it! Just eat and ignore the situation happening at this very second!

This is not my fucking problem!

...

...

My appetite was gone.

DAMN YOU, MY CURIOUS NATURE!

-o~O-O~o-

Welp, at least the food was delish! And on a massive discount too! The lesson is that lying about your identity gets you anything.

Holy crap, these keep getting longer than the last! I am worried for my sanity if this trend keeps happening.

In case you haven't noticed, Abel is kind of a horrible person when the mood strikes him. He also doesn't use the names of anyone he doesn't respect.

Before we end it here, a scene that is canon, but I couldn't find it in me to place it comfortably into the schapter itself.

-o~O-O~o-

Canon-scene:

-Just a teeny gap-

"... Excuse me, what?" I ask out loud.

Currently, everyone was back in the cabin, just hanging around. Sunglasses and Shorts had given directions to a famous sea-bound restaurant around these parts. A restaurant at sea. Novel.

Anyway, back to what I was on about.

"What? I just said that Johny and Yosaku are kind of weak by my standards," Swordsman repated what he'd said previously.

I narrow my eyes, sitting down on the table and cracking my fist. "Hey, Sunglasses! Sit your ass down!" I point opposite to me.

"Umm, sure? Why?" Sunglasses says and sits down, only to be met with my elbow propped against the wooden surface.

"Arm wrestle me. Now!"

I can almost feel all the raised eyebrows around me. I don't give a shit, this is important!

"Uh... Again, why?"

"Shut up and help me assess your strength level!" I ask him. And by ask, I mean demand. "I need clarity on this! And you are my only dependable point of reference at this point."

Sunglasses stares at me, shrugs and places his elbow on the table, grabbing my propped-up hand in his.

I'd done this before at the bar sometimes to fuck with people. They don't expect someone so dainty looking to be strong enough to give them a chalenge. I'd almost never lost, a bit due to the element of surprise, but also because my upper body strength was fairly above average, despite how thin my stick arms appeared.

"On the count of three. You are forbidden from holding back, understand?" I set my terms, simple and clear. I think I can see the fire in my eyes reflecting from those shades he is packing.

"Sure, I guess."

I nod and then do a slow count.

"One... Two... Three!" Immediately I go to force his arm to the side with all I can muster.

*SLAM!*

"FUCK!" I scream out, pulling my arm back, holding it by the writst. My hand had just been smashed into the table, with considerable force and now the back of my hand felt like it had hit a brick wall at full speed. It was already starting to bruise. "By my ancestors, what the fuck just happened?!"

"Uh, I won," Sunglasses said, sounding a bit unsure.

A small snarl escapes me, but I reign it back in and take a deep breath. "Okay. Okay, maybe I got caught off-guard. Different approach. Again, but this time I need to assess mine. Sunglasses, you hold your hand in place and try to prevent me from moving it. Understand?"

Sunglasses nods and I grasp his hand again and get into position. I'm barely paying mind to the eyes I've got plastered solely on me.

"On three you will do your damndest to not allow me to move your hand an inch. One... Two... Three!" I begin applying as much pressure right off the bat as I am physically capable. I find myself growing increasingly annoyed that Sunglasses' arm isn't bending for shit, or even shaking from any visible strain.

"..." Sunglasses was staring at me vacantly. "Uhh, no offense or anything-"

"All... offense... taken," I snarl, gritting my teeth as the arm just won't. Fucking. MOVE!

"... Um, are you really trying?"

"Of course I'm- fucking- What the hell?!" I scream in fury, joining my other hand to try to push the fucker anywhere. It at last looks like I'm making any progress, but only after I started applying my full body weight into it. I finally let go, gasping for air from the sheer effort.

I turn an irritated and pained glare at Swordsman. "How the fuck is that weak by your standards?! I think my hand wants to file divorce papers out of performance shame!"

"They just are," Swordsman says and has the audacity to smirk. "But I think I just found the bottom of the barrel."

"I can be the bottom of your barrel," I say in a sultry tone and give my lips a slow, sensual lick.

"STOP THAT, YOU FREAK!"

"DON'T CALL ME A FREAK, MEATHEAD! AND DON'T CALL ME WEAK EITHER!" I scream back at Swordsman. "I'll have you know where I'm from I am of above average strength!"

"Well, we're here now, so deal with it!"

"... Son of a bitch, I can't actually argue with that." I admit defeat... begrudingly. I ignored how everyone begun laughing at my expense. I had more important things to consider. I really need to rethink my position in this new world. If the gap in regular, base-line strength is this vast between my world and this one...

Crap, I might be in huge trouble if shit ever hits the fan.

-o~O-O~o-

Yup. By One Piece standards of power, Abel is physically on the worst possible level. *Disgusted retching* As much as it digs at me to admit, Abel is barely stronger than Spandam. He is almost weaker than the average marine mook! That's just pathetic, and not fun for him at all.

Luckily, he has a few ways to compensate...

By the way, I am seeing very few reviews. For the few of you that did leave some, thank you! You are fuel to my fire(ego the size of a Jupiter). To the rest of you, pick up your game. Give me something! If I don't get the shit beat out of me when I fuck up, HOW WILL I LEARN?!

-New N' Tasty, C-Hablerie