Chapter 9: Guard The Boat!
One of these days I will learn my lesson. One of these days I will have to admit that needling people for laughs is not good for my continued well-being. One of these days my flagrant need to piss people off for my own amusement will get me killed.
Sad as it is to say, much to the chagrin of many unnamed individuals, I live another day. Hence why I was chilling and healing from my moment of absolute glory.
"Life is good," I tell myself, hanging partially over the railing of the Going Merry, lying to myself.
Sunlight kissed my pale face, though if it had a thing to say about it I'd wage it tried to bite. Well, screw you, I don't burn easily! At all, really, so HAH! I'll just lay in here, bask in these warm rays... by myself... alone.
...
Okay. Yeah, I am not a popular person right now. My "conscription" of Arlong to serve as my personal bodyguard did not fly that well with the rest of the crew. Turns out that palling up with the guy personally responsible for literally all of our problems at Cocoyasi Island, not to mention how personal this everything was for Nami... Yeah, not the most popular way to go.
The only reason I wasn't beat up on the spot was Luffy standing by my choice, as he was... literally the only person I had informed of my plan for the Fishman if the metaphorical dice landed right. In retrospect, maybe I should've at least hinted at what I was scheming at to the others. Then at least they'd only be pre-emptively mad at me.
Still, Zoro and Sanji were grudgingly letting it go, on the account of me having Luffy's trust and approval. Didn't make me their favorite by any means, and I think all that air I cleared with Zoro is all smoggy again. So that effort was wasted. Usopp(I figure if I'm going to stick around I might as well refer to the kid by name) was a lot more understanding and was willing to hear my reasoning and even agreed with it to an extent. I just might start to think fondly of him.
Naturally, this left Nami to be absolutely furious with me. The second she got over the shock of seeing her tormentor of ten years on the ship, unbound and armed, she immediately went to try to break her promise to not hit me. If Luffy hadn't restrained her, I think she would've taken it a bit further than just knocking me over the head.
At the time I was... honestly a bit remorseful at how callous I had been, messing with her like that. I had poured salt and vinegar into a wound that had barely started healing. If I was any less keen on my continued survival, I'd have let her hit me.
That's right. For once I felt like an asshole on my own accord instead of being guilted into it.
I did set out to smooth it over, as was my responsibility. After letting Luffy affirm my choice and that the two of us(but mostly just me) had planned this and the rest were... somewhat agreeable, I smacked Arlong on the arm and wordlessly reminded him to not fuck this up for either of us. Then came the part where I calmed Nami down so that she wouldn't try to maybe murder me and guided her inside the cabin so that we could talk in private.
It spoke to my pride as an actor of considerable talent that I felt like an absolute moron when it came to me that her calming down bit might have been an act.
And so I reap what I sow.
Fucking figures, right?
-o~O-O~o-
-A day before-
"Nami," I start, trying to sound as calm as I possibly could, "please put the chair down and let's-" I dodged to the side, managing to avoid a wooden stool from smacking me in the face. "Not what I meant!"
"Stand still!" The irate navigator seethed as I backed away, away from her reach. She'd picked up another chair into her hands and was holding it in a way I was not a fan of. Couldn't tell if she intended to throw it at me or try to take a swing at me with it.
Both options were equally undesirable.
"I'm sorry, but I place being alive higher than accepting potentially lethal bludgeoning," I say, not quite managing to not snark at the moment.
Nami, predictably, snarled and bared her teeth in anger, taking a step towards my wounded form.
"Wait, wait, wait!" I hastily raise my good arm defensively, though it doesn't allow me to move without the help of the crutch. I then spoke as firmly as I could while showing absolutely no signs of panic or fear. "Nami, stop! Take a breath and calm down! I'm wounded and have the same physical resistance to harm as a dry leaf. If you attack me like that I will seriously die!"
Yeah. Not scared at all.
"What of it?" Nami growled, clearly not listening to reason. Damnit! On the plus side, she was not advancing either. I needed to calm her down, stat!
"Nami, you promised," I try to remind her. "You promised not to hit me in any way. On the name of your mother no less."
"Fuck my mother!" She yelled instead of doing any rational thinking.
"I would! She sounds like a wonderful woman!"
...
I have no excuse. That just slipped out. As such I couldn't blame anyone but myself when a wooden chair hit me in the chest. This led to a chain of hurt. My breath was forced out of me by the impact to my chest, which then sent me stumbling back where I slammed the back of my head into the wall. I then did a dizzy pirouette and dropped like a sack of potatoes. On my back. On top of the chair that had led to this in the first place. My back arched painfully before I bounced off of the chair.
And so I ended up lying on my back. I think my ribcage just bruised a little. And the world is spinning and blurring. And my head hurts. A lot. As does my back. My god, does my back hurt...
"Hnnnnnghhhh..." I try to vocalize my excruciating pain but instead manage a weak and pitiful, incomprehensible whine.
"Oh my God!" I hear hurried steps and suddenly I see a blurry shape above. And a lot of orange. "Are you- I didn't mean to-"
"Oh... so now you... choose to... be sensible... aaaaaaaaah..." I muttered weakly, barely able to gather the breath to speak. I think my voice was very squeaky. I'd find that funny, but I really couldn' because of the agony.
-o~O-O~o-
And then I fainted. My concussion had come back with a vengeance and decided that being conscious is just not hip enough. Nami had freaked out something fierce and that alerted the others that something was wrong. I didn't die, obviously, but from what I gather, for a moment she thought I did.
When I came to a few hours later, I tried approaching Nami again but she kept avoiding me. She must've felt guilty for her irrational actions and the pain she caused me on top of everything else.
Just thinking back to that cluster fuck hurt. My back and rib cage felt sore even now and added to my discomfort. But that wasn't even the worst part. Oh no.
Feeling a moment coming I leaned further over the edge of the railing and hurled into the sea. The combination of swaying waves and concussion induced vertigo was absolutely dedicated to making my every waking moment a constant state of sea sickness.
Fuck my life.
"When did being a nice guy become so hard?" I ask, wiping my mouth with my sleeve, surprisingly not being rhetorical. The question was aimed at the guy sharpening his weirdly shaped sword two feet from my puking spot. Unfortunately, Arlong wasn't in a conversational mood, so I got nothing.
But seriously, why is being nice the hardest thing in the world? I mean, I did trick people all the time and scam my way into their hearts to get booze off of them for free, but being a good guy shouldn't be that complicated. Just do and say nice things and try not to be offensive.
So why am I having such a hard time with it?!
"Life fucking sucks," I groan, feeling another one coming and let it fly into the deep blue below. "... Whyyyyyyyy?"
"Hmm," Arlong scoffs dismissively at me anguish, the dick.
He and I had spent most of our time in close proximity. I was the only one willing to. Despite coming to accept Arlong's presence, most of them were still not okay with it. The others were either distrusting(Zoro, Sanji) or scared(Usopp). Luffy had been nice enough, is much more open minded and had even tried chatting with Arlong. Tried being a key word, as Arlong was as uncomfortable with this as the rest were with him.
Nami had avoided Arlong at all costs, to an even greater extent than with me. That particular thing would take even more time to smooth over than the rest of this. Building bridges is a long and arduous process, both in real life and social sense.
It also didn't help that Arlong wasn't a member of the crew. He didn't get orders from Luffy. He got those from me, though I doubt he'd follow me on anything unless he felt like it.
I shoot the indifferent Fishman a deadpan glare. "I suffer for you. Praise me!"
"Tch," he scoffs, working on his odd saw-sword-thing. "You brought this on yourself."
"Yes. Because of you," I remark with a slight growl. "I'm going way out of my way to help you out, the least I could get is a thank- HGRP!" My cheeks bulge and I turn to release another load. By now it was mostly just bile, and it was disgusting.
A part of me is starting to regret standing by Arlong. He's a massive gamble, sure. But I don't gamble unless the prize is worth the risks. To have someone like Arlong to watch my back is invaluable for my safety. I just needed to raise his opinion on humans in general, and if I can manage that then I get what I want and do some good in the process.
Conniving? Calculated? Deceptive? Selfish? Yes, but all those things are acceptable with the right intent. My aims are self-serving, true, but they also stand to help someone else should I succeed. And that's the point. To not do it just for myself.
If only Arlong was easier to work with. Just convincing him to give this a shot took hours. And now I had to work to keep him here.
I sigh at the difficult task I set up for myself.
"... Thank you." I blink at the unexpected words from Arlong and stare at the Fishman. His face, as menacing as usual, had softened up a bit. It's really hard to notice unless you can read people as well as I can. It's not quite remorse, but...
"Eh, that'll do," I admit with a slight grin.
It'll be a tough project I've taken on me, but I'll work through it, I'm sure. Hell, maybe one day we'll even be friends.
Arly and Abel, best pals for life!
I start cracking up at my own mental images, much to Arlong's mild confusion. The jittery movements of my lungs are aching my ribs a bit, but I don't care.
Then I puked again and the moment was ruined.
God, if you are real, make this stop! I have stuff to do!
-o~O-O~o-
Two days! It took two days for my nausea to go away! I could have spent those two days doing something productive, like winning the rest of the guys over or having an overdue conversation with Nami. But no, I puked a lot! God is not real, and even if he was, he's a shit!
At least now I know that Sanji really doesn't like wasting food because the amount of times he nearly had an ulcer at the constant expulsion of my meals. I can't even be mad at him, it pissed me off too and we bonded on how stupid this whole thing was. Just a little. I don't think he likes me as much as he does his best to tolerate me.
Arlong, and by extension me since I am always around the guy, are still given a wide berth.
On the bright side, now I that I could finally walk around unaided and not risk expelling my guts through my stomach, I did what was first on my laundry list of things to do.
Nami and I needed to finish that talk. Without all the maiming this time.
Problem was that she was still avoiding me. So that's a bust.
Is what I would say if I didn't know one place where she has to be in at least a few times. You see, Nami has these two tangerine trees she took as a reminder of her home, which she tends to and doesn't let anyone touch. Ergo, she will be there at least a few points of a day.
Which is why I was on the upper rear deck where the trees were planted, using Faint to suppress my presence and just letting my ass grow numb on the wooden floor I sat on. The plan was to jump Nami when she came to water them and not let her weasel her way out of it. Fuck her guilt or whatever, this is happening! We'd be alone and, if worst came to be, I could jump into the sea to escape certain death. An all around perfect plan.
Is what I would want to say since I've sat on my ass for... shit, I don't have a clock and my sense of time is completely shot. Maybe... four hours? Anyway, it felt like forever. And letting my ass numb on the upper deck, staring at two tangerine trees as if they were of any interest to me was really starting to grind me the wrong way.
I blame Nami for making me go through this. And I am being extremely generous and forgiving, I think.
Just as I am starting to lose the battle against boredom I hear footsteps coming closer. Having closed my eyes and focusing solely on my hearing to maintain Faint, I could only confidently assume that was who I was looking for. I waited a couple of moments, tracking the footsteps until they stopped by the trees, at which point I opened myself to sight.
I immediately spot her, holding a watering can. She won't escape now. I slowly and silently get up and walk right behind her. Despite my crutch making it less than ideal, I remain unnoticed.
"We're talking," I state clearly, accepting no arguments. The moment is ruined as I tilt my head back as much as it could to avoid a watering can to the face.
"A-Abel?!" Nami stutters in shock, likely at me pulling a Batman on her. Or maybe because she almost brained me. Again.
"... I really need to stop messing with people for funsies," I remark under my breath, hopefully imprinting the advice to memory. I straighten and cough into my fist to regain my composure. I refuse to look ridiculous for this. "You. Me. Talk. Now."
She tries to walk past me but I place my good hand firmly on her shoulder and hold her there. "Nami, this is ridiculous! First, you try to kill me and now I apparently carry the plague," I say, keeping my calm and serious tone. "You are not going anywhere until I am done! Understood?"
I can't see her face. She refuses to face me, but she isn't pulling herself out of my grasp- which she could easily do -either. I take it as my chance and start.
"I know you're upset with me. For good reason, mind you," I begin, softening my tone somewhat. "Bringing Arlong here was a gamble, and it is a gamble I will stand by. I understand full well the risks I am taking, and I will hold full accountability. I will not apologize for making this choice, though I admit I should have addressed it in a manner that didn't leave you in the dark, all things considered. For that, I apologize."
I grip her shoulder a bit tighter. Not in an uncomfortable way, just enough to be noticeable. A comforting gesture. "You don't need to accept this. You have all reason to hate Arlong, and it is not my place to tell you not to. That wound is too deep to ignore. I won't ask you to trust me. I won't ask you to like me. All I ask is that you leave this to me."
The quiet stretches for a minute, hanging over us like a veil. Nami breaks it. "Why? Just... why?"
Is she listening? That is good. I let out a sigh that carries only a hint of relief. I let go of her shoulder and cross my arms over my chest. Nami doesn't make a run for it.
"Arlong... his past is not mine to divulge," I start. "Let's just say that I'm not doing this just for my own sake. Not quite. But I do identify with what he's been through, to an extent. Fishmen as a whole are not treated that well, from what I gather. And what Arlong is today is partly because of that.
"Now, I don't mean that he wasn't bad, to begin with, I mean, certain factors just helped it along. He has his problems, which remind me of the ones I myself once faced. I suppose I feel some responsibility to help him be better. And he can be better, otherwise, he wouldn't care so much for his species."
I step forward and pass Nami, bracing myself on the railing and just stare out at the waves bobbing up and down the ocean blue. "Everyone can be better. They just have to try. And sometimes all they need is a chance and a guiding hand. Arlong is willing to try, and I am responsible for being his guide."
"I..." Nami starts, but the words seem to get stuck. There is quiet. She's processing. Good. "How can you be so sure? How can you sound so sure? Arlong is a... a monster!"
I let out a chuckle. It's not accidental. The hollowness is a dead giveaway. I slowly turn and look at Nami. She recoils and steps back in instinctive terror, the fight or flight part of her brain going crazy.
"Nami," I say, voice hollow of intent and void of emotion. The effect undoubtedly a nigh-indescribable, eerie contrast to my usual self, "not all men stay the way they are. Some of them are just too far gone to wear a normal face ever again." I raise my hand slowly. Nami grows tenser."Some just wear masks to hide it." My hand edges closer to her face. Her form tightens, locked, paralyzed by fear. My hand hovers closer. Closer. Closer.
Closer...
I then boop her still form on the tip of her nose. She flinches back rather strongly and falls on her butt, gasping for breath she'd been holding. "So yeah. I do know of monsters," I say with a grin, mask back where it belongs.
Nami just sort of stares at me for a second, making up her mind on how to feel about what just happened no doubt. She eventually sighs and shakes her head. "You are such a dick," she says. She sounds more amused than upset.
I merely give her a thumbs-up in reply, along with a wily grin. I reach out with my hand to help her up, though pulling her proves to be a bit tough in my condition. Still, she stands before me, arms crossed in contemplation.
"... Okay. I'll let you deal with... him," Nami relents. She still seems to hold doubts. "Doesn't mean I forgive you, but... well..." She stops, looking a bit upset. This time not with me. "... I'm sorry. For... earlier when I... you know?"
"Say no more," I accept her apology with a nonchalant wave. "I did have it coming. After all, I am Lord Jerkface, Senechal of the Douchebag Dominion."
Nami laughs softly at that. What a relief! I'm basically in the clear now.
"You're weird."
I just wink at the young thief and start walking off with a lackluster wave. "Welp, I'll leave you to your trees, you dirty hippie. Sayonara!"
I hear a faint chuckle before I'm out of range. All in all, this had gone surprisingly well. I only almost died. Because I am an asshole.
'Mental note: WORK ON THAT, ASAP!' I scream into the internal void, hoping it engraves itself on the metaphorical walls. My habits are really starting to bite me recently. Better try to nip that in the bud as fast as I can.
...
Shit, I didn't actually think I'd get this far. I was legit prepared to face the merciless ocean blue instead of a pissed of teenager. I had no idea how to proceed from this point on.
Damnit, what am I going to do now?
-o~O-O~o-
"So what is it you actually do?" I ask, somewhat dreading the answer. Partially because of who I was addressing the question for. And partly just out of an instinctive need to dick harder than the most massive dick in the world.
Seriously, when did I start developing such a mean streak?
...
Oh yeah. High school.
Never mind then.
"And don't answer: I'm the Captain, OR that you shoot things," I add with slight aggression lacing my tongue. "I'll legit shove my rifle up your ass and shoot Hellfire up there it if you do. I want talents outside of your position or bravado."
"Sheesh, okay! What's got you so fired up?" Usopp asks me, only slightly terrified of me. He brings up a good point.
"None of your beeswax," I respond snappily. "Answer the question!"
...By the Ancestors, what is going on right now? Even I realize this is a bit too aggressive for me. This has been a good day, what the fuck!
I take a deep breath and slowly let it flow out. I look at the faintly rattled sniper. "Sorry. I just really hate your face," I said before I'd even realized it. Immediately I felt the aggression leaving my shoulders and a wave of levity pass through my being. "Wow, that felt good to say!"
"Oi," Usopp objects with short chop with his open arm. A clear sign that said 'cut it out'.
Naturally, I just took it as an invitation.
"I mean, seriously, your face just makes me super pissed off for some reason," I go on, unperturbed. "Those eyes just look so much like that of a dead fish. That hair is so out of style it makes me happy that I can choose my wigs. And let's not even get started on how your nose brings about images of a pe-"
"Oi quit it!" Usopp dope-slaps me on the top of my head. My vision instantly goes black for a second and I collapse onto the ground like a bag of potatoes. And worst of all, my wig fell off! "Oh, sorry."
"Funny. You don't sound that sorry," I grumble, helping myself up with the aid of my trusty wooden instrument of mobility, stopping only to pick up and adjust my wig back into place. "Well, at least now I feel better." Momentary blackout notwithstanding. I grant the sniper my attention again. "Now, for real, what exactly are your skills, Nosey?"
"Yeah, just act like you never said all that stuff about me why don't you," he deadpanned.
"Not apologizing," I wave off the notion. "Anyway, I know what everyone else does. Nami is a cartographer who knows navigation and can read the weather. Zoro is the muscle, simple. Sanji cooks and is the only one I would willingly call an adult amongst you kids. Luffy... is himself." Yeah, I had time to learn of my new crewmates. Not that it was that interesting or difficult. "But I barely know anything about you. Hell, I only started to mentally call you by name when I decided to join and thought it was mandatory."
"Wow, thanks," Usopp responded dryly, sounding only slightly offended. "Fine. Aside from being a good shot, I also tinker a bit and make my own ammo-"
"Wait," I interrupt, raising an open palm in emphasis. "You tinker? You mean, do small, intricate craft work? Chemistry?"
"A bit, yeah," he says. "I dabble in this and that. Helps to have variety, you know."
... Lightbulb~!
"Uh, why are you smiling like tha-"
"Oh, nothing. Just hitting a gold mine," I mumble, mind running overtime with an influx of ideas. "You see, I myself am quite a proficient chemist and could whip up more advanced stuff with my chemistry set. I also have a miniature forge in my possession. Problem is that I lack a more... fine hand when it comes to crafting or tinkering. I believe that if we were to combine our assets and skills, we could do some interesting things."
His brow furrows, thinking it over. "Well, I admit that sounds great and all, so... maybe?"
"Capital!" I exclaim, patting him on the back strongly. "And in return perhaps I can assist you with finer chemical compounds to improve your own arsenal? I can whip up almost anything, as long as I have the materials. I'll tell you, I get scary creative when it comes to self-preservation."
"... Yeah, that does sound pretty good," Usopp mutters, a smile growing on his face. "Yeah, that could work!"
I extend my hand to the long-nosed boy. "Then this looks like a start of a fine combined effort ... partner?"
Usopp grins widely and takes my hand enthusiastically. "I'll show you what I've got! I'm not all talk you know."
Both of us, Abel and Usopp, grinning like madmen at the prospect of joining our forces to create something fierce. Two weaklings banding together to ensure prolonged survival. A single asshole who wants to abuse the talents of the other party for promises of replenishments to his limited ammo supply, which he desperately needs to survive.
Yup, nothing selfish going on here!
"Heh, we're sailing a partnership," I joke, sounding only a smidge like a maniac. "The S.S. Get Along!"
Silence ensues.
We both crack up and laugh.
And then my ribs hurt and I hurl my lunch on him.
To be fair, it was still funny for one of us.
-o~O-O~o-
"Where are we going again?" I ask Nami as I looked off to the horizon, thinking I may have seen something before concluding that, yes, it was indeed just a faint mirage.
"Please, stop asking the same thing over and over again," she complains. Because that is what she is doing.
"I would if you'd answer with anything else than a damn name. I don't know what Loque Town is! I need context, damnit!"
"Then why didn't you just ask in the first place?!"
"Because it was funny!"
Nami visibly strained to not go for my neck. I will freely admit I'd messed with her for the past... day and a half, partly to ease the tension between us.
Clearly, I need to work on my execution.
I finally let the joke drop, if only for her sanity. "Now, for real this time, explain, please. Not knowing where we are going is driving me crazy. And crazy me gets really weird, let me tell you."
Nami's eye twitched dangerously before she took a deep breath and let all the thoughts of murdering me leave her mind."Fine. Loque Town is a port town on our next stop, Polestar Island. It'll be our last chance to restock and buy supplies before entering the Grand Line."
"Oh. Yeah, that is good to know," I say to myself, rubbing my chin in thought. "I'll have to think up what kind of stuff I'll need. Maybe I should make a list?" I shoot Nami a questioning glance. "Do we have enough money for what we need? A budget?"
"Should have," she said. "My savings weren't stolen by those bastard marines, alongside what I could find from... Arlong's hidden treasure caches, so we have plenty." I noted how she hesitated when referring Arlong by name, and how she looked slightly over me at the Fishman lounging on the deck, minding his own business and paying no one any mind.
Okay, that part is a lie. Arlong had been glaring at everyone for days now, and not in the 'it's-just-how-his-face-is'-kind of way either. I'd wager he felt as uncomfortable here as Nami, Sanji, and, to a lesser extent, Zoro felt about him.
Or maybe he was just bored out of his skull. I knew I could relate.
Still, Nami wasn't hissing his name as if it were poison leaving her mouth so... progress?
I humorously noted Usopp walking out of the cabin and instantly backpedaling back inside when he spotted the big lug.
"Oh, thanks for that, by the way."
I shake my head lightly to clear my head. "Come again?"
Nami was looking at me, dead serious about something. "Nojiko told me, about how she tried to stop the marines. She was about to get shot. Only, an unknown shooter pinned down and injured the marines, giving them a chance to escape unharmed." She grinned, just a bit. "Now, unless Usopp stalked me after I left you idiots by that roadside, that means that someone else was responsible for that. Someone proficient with a gun."
"Yes, I am pretty great!" I say with a toothy grin, standing as straight as I could in my state and puffing out my chest.
Nami deadpans at me. "Zero modesty. Good to know," she grumbles. It doesn't last long, and she smiles softly. "Still, thank you, Abel."
"Oh," I say, ruffling her hair, much to her chagrin, "simply helping a little girl about to have her piggy bank robbed."
Yes, I sound just as condescending as you think I do.
"You realize that I'm not a little girl, right?" Nami grumbles but surprisingly doesn't swat my hand away. So I keep messing with her hair, very lightly.
"Young lady, if I were of an irresponsible sort, I'd be old enough to be your father," I inform her in a what I imagine is a 'lecturing dad'-tone. "So yes, you are a little girl from my perspective. Heck, all of you are children in my eyes." I pause for a moment. "Except Sanji, if I feel like handing out mercy."
"I am not a child!" Nami snapped at me, looking a bit incensed but I could see her holding back a small smile. I grin right back.
"Oh, give it a year or two," I say mock-condescendingly, patting the top of her head as if she was a puppy. "Maybe I'll admit your adulthood, brat! You'll be out of those teenager diapers in no time! Kehehe."
I chuckle a bit, as does Nami, ceasing her pretend anger. I remove my hand from atop her scalp. I take a certain relief from seeing her smile. That is a real smile, not a fake one which she wore before she went turncoat. It was so much easier to notice now that I knew the real thing.
Good for her.
"Thank you," she said quietly, almost a whisper that was for my ears only. I shot her a faint smile and a shrug. I could practically feel her faith in me being restored, a bit at a time
"So you keep telling me," I remark, starting to turn. "Now excuse me, I have a shopping list to make." I pick up the FASHIONABLY ripped hem of my dress. "I really need an updated wardrobe. More options. Ooooh, maybe I could find some wigs! Variety is the spice of life after all!"
I continue to mutter to myself as I hobble off, leaving Nami to her light snickering at my serious dedication to my looks. Nice to know she is impressed! As I hobble past Arlong's sitting position, I suddenly force myself to a stop.
"Hey, Arly!"
"... Don't call me that," the Fishman snarls. "Ever."
"Yeah, whatever," I mumble ignore what he said. "A thought occurred. How old are you?"
His brows furrowed, making his glare more prominent. "... Why?"
"C'mon, humor a guy, Arly!" I coerce the Fishman diplomatically. He bares his teeth and actually growls at me. I swear those deadly puppies shine in sunlight. "Okay, sheesh! Way to be a drama queen. If you tell me, I'll stop and leave you alone for the day."
He eyes me, almost in a predator kind of sense. I was the prey being observed as the wolf- or in this case shark -prepared for an assault. "... 39."
I stare at him. My face is vacant and holds all the expression of a wooden plank. I say the next words with all the whimsy a rock with a teeny, precious carbon heart can possibly muster once in a blue moon.
"Damn, you old, man!" I squee in the most precious, youthful voice I can do.
I admit to being mad at losing my seniority. Yes, I could be petty.
Arlong's eyes pop slightly, a vein pulses on his temple and he starts slowly getting up.
"Going!"
I race the fuck away from there as fast as my crutch allows me.
I didn't trip and fall on my cast, causing great pain to my recovering mess of an arm. That's just ridiculous! What a funny joke! AAAARRGH!
-o~O-O~o-
"... This is a smart move," I conclude, looking around the outcropping of rock that serves well to hide the ship from most unwanted eyes. "That's a first for me."
"I know," Nami remarked, sounding a tad annoyed and fearful of the future. "At least Luffy understands reason every once in a while."
We'd arrived at our premiere destination, Polestar Island, home to Loque Town and the last place for an ancient civil practice we'd get for a while.
Buying shit!
At first, Luffy had intended for us to just enter the docks, like normal people. Only Nami was quick to remind him that this was a PIRATE ship, so going to port was an insanely stupid idea due to the marine presence in the town. She'd instead told us of this nifty hidey-hole a bit off of the town that would serve well as a place to anchor the ship.
"Okay, everyone! Here's the plan," Nami yelled at the rest of the crew, taking charge. "Logue Town will be the last stop before Grand Line. So this will be our last chance to pick up anything we need for the trip. But there's also a marine base in the town, so we'll need to be inconspicuous."
"That means no shouting out that we are pirates or causing a scene," I add, "That means you, Luffy!"
Nami nods at me clarifying it for the... less savvy captain of this group. "Also, because of the marine presence, we'll need to split up and cover our bases. Which is why Abel and I have delegated out some duties."
Nami nods to me, signaling the start of my section. I cough into my fist and clear my throat. That and pull out a paper I'd been hiding.
"Is that the list you made?" Nami asks me.
I spread the paper a little, revealing a six more papers underneath.
"... Right," Nami deadpans.
"Now, first of all, does anyone have anything they need to do? Anything specific I should be aware of?" I ask the guys present.
Zoro speaks up first. "I need to go get new swords."
Ah, yeah. He broke two, didn't he. That's a handicap.
"Fair enough," I admit. "As the main fighter of this posse, you need to be at your best. Right! Zoro can go on his own on personal business. Also," I hand Zoro a paper. "For an increased budget, you also need to find a weapon that fits these specifications."
He takes it and eyes it over. "... Seems reasonable."
"Great! Ask no questions," I say before moving on. "So, anything else?"
I waited a few moments. No one spoke up.
"Alright," I continue. "Sanji is on food duty. You'll go to the markets and see what you can get. Try not to go too overboard, if you can help it. We're looking for provisions that last for a while, not necessarily gourmet."
"Please. I could make gourmet out of leftovers," Sanji remarks. I cannot bring myself to question his claim. The guy is just awesome with food.
"Okay. Fair enough," I concede. "Now, Usopp is being sent off on a more general material hunt."
"Wait, I wasn't informed of this!" Nami shouts my way. "He was supposed to help me!"
"I lied," I shoot back casually. "Usopp and I have been collaborating on shared projects. And for those plans we need materials to work with," I explain, handing Usopp four lists. "Not to mention we also need equipment for any emergency repairs in case the ship gets damaged. It will all be for the collective good of the crew, I assure you."
Usopp takes the papers with a salute. "I won't let you down, chief!"
"Whoo, great. Good on you," I intone off-handedly. The sniper's reverence of me had grown during our planning sessions, as he understood how intelligent and deviously creative I could be. I didn't mind, frankly. I am pretty great.
Nami looks like she wants to say something, but after a while, just sighs and slumps in defeat. "Okay, I guess it's fine. As long as you know what you are doing."
"And I do."
"... Anyway, I know what I am doing," Nami veers back on track with a self-satisfied smile.
"Correct," I cheer mildly and hand the two remaining papers to her. Before Nami can say anything, I shut her up with the most serious face I know how to make. "Nami, these papers specify the kinds of clothing I prefer, as well as any wigs I'd like if you find any. This is serious business, young lady. I am entrusting my fashion choices in your hands, and trust you to not FUCK this up for me! I am placing what is equivalent of my life in your hands. You are the master of my future as the prettiest not-girl ever!"
Silence ensues, everyone staring at me after that tirade. Nami breaks out of it first and rubs the bridge of her nose with a frown. "Why can't you be less dramatic?"
"Hey, this is serious business!" I snap at her. "Clothes and fashion are what makes a lady, and I intend to look the prettiest I can!"
"Okay, fine, whatever," Nami relents. I detect sarcasm. "Do I have to invest in makeup also, your highness?"
"I don't use makeup," I state, my chest swelling with pride, gesturing at my flawless facial features. "This is all natural, my dear."
"... Okay, that is actually kind of impressive," Nami admits. Glad to know she understands perfection when she sees it.
"You two done?" Zoro grumbles impatiently. "We got things to do."
"Ah, yes. Sorry for digressing," I apologize. "Anyway. Luffy..." I look at the captain with those absent looking eyes. Nami and I share a worried look and nod at each other. "... Neither Nami and I trust you to actually do what we tell you, so we'd just want to ask that you don't do anything immensely stupid."
"'Kay!" He responds vacantly.
"No, Luffy, I need to know you understand," Nami sternly addresses the captain. "If we get caught up in the usual nonsense, it would be really bad. We could get caught by the marines and never reach Grand Line."
Nami's words made Luffy's face grow uncharacteristically serious as the words bounced around in his rubbery skull. "Okay, I got it."
"I can only hope so," Nami sighs, afraid to be hopeful. I pat her on the back softly. That is literally the best we could get, so we'd work with it.
"Anyway, seeing as we are fairly close to a marine base, I also propose we leave someone to guard the ship," I speak up. "It wouldn't hurt to cover our bases."
"But isn't everyone going to Loque Town already?" Zoro asks, bringing up what everyone was thinking. I merely smile mischievously.
"Not everyone," I point out, holding my index finger up for emphasis. Then I point my thumb behind me dramatically.
The rest follow my thumb.
"No!" Unsurprisingly the first word comes from Nami. "Absolutely not!"
"It's not up for much debate, I'm afraid," I counter with the same smile, with a hint of cockiness added in. "The others have dedicated duties. Literally, no one else is available to sit this trip out." I count with my healthy fingers as I list them out. "Zoro needs weapons, Usopp requires materials, Sanji must be the one who takes care of the food, you are going clothing shopping, amongst other things. And Luffy... is going to want to visit the execution grounds of Gold Roger."
The last one was a complete bluff, as I knew Luffy had no such plans. But upon reading up on the so called King of the Pirates- it was very vague, but I could just sense the power that title possessed through what was there -it seemed like the kind of thing he'd do.
But fortune smiled upon me, for Luffy got all excited and starry eyed. "Wooow! This is the place Gold Roger died?! I wanna go see!"
"Abel, you bastard!" Nami screeched at me, for a moment looking every bit like an angry shark. She'd realized what game I was playing, no doubt. I was being pretty obvious about it, after all.
So I shoot a self-satisfied smirk in return and shrugged, a silent 'what are you gonna do?'.
"... Hey, wait! What about you?" Nami asked, realizing I hadn't included myself in any of this scenario. Unfortunately for her, I am not so poorly prepared as to be beaten by a teenage girl in a game of wits.
"Oh, yes, of course. Why, it makes perfect sense to leave guard duty to a cripple who barely manages to move around due to his injuries, not to mention fending off potential enemies. Truly, your idea is an inspiration to strategists everywhere! The enemy will never see it coming!" I mock her, lacing my tongue with as much sarcasm as physically possible.
"Okay!" Nami exclaims, throwing her arms up. "I get it! But still-"
"Also," I cut her off, "if I were able to do anything, I would assist with these errands, but alas." I moved my arm cast slightly, as well as my injured leg. "But were I to stay here and guard the ship, Arlong would need to not be on it as per your dilemma. So I can only assume you intend to keep an eye on him yourself?"
Nami's eye was twitching in a very unhealthy manner, she still raised arms lowering to chest level, clenched into shaking fists. Then she visibly deflated, knowing I had her beat in every regard. "Fine, you win," Nami scowled, glaring murder at yours truly. "This time."
"Oh, Nami. Poor, poor, naive child," I shake my head, amusement, and pride in my tone. I shot her a smarmy grin. "I always win." Clearly, I knew I what I was doing and not crossing any social boundaries I'd myself set not two days ago. Nope! I'm perfect and a nice guy!
...
Why is this so hard, damnit?!
Nami's glare could freeze the ocean if that was possible. It was that frigid. "... So, we have things to do," she hissed through her teeth and slowly turned to face the rest of the guys. "Let's get to it, shall we?"
... She is so mad. And I am kind of proud of that. Go me!
...
Wait, NO! That's counterintuitive! We're trying to be nice, damnit!
"If it makes you feel better, I'm staying here as well," I quip after her, trying my hand at damage control.
"Oh, yes, of course," Nami shoots back without looking back... Wait.. "Why, it makes perfect sense to leave guard duty to a cripple who barely manages to move around due to his injuries, not to mention fending off potential enemies. Truly, your idea is an inspiration to strategists everywhere!"
... Did... did she just sarcastically quote me and use it as a burn? By the ancestors...
"I'm so proud of you, honey!" I exclaim in earnest, pumping my good arm victoriously. "That's how you turn the tables on someone! You go girl!"
She doesn't even regard my existence, much less turn around. Though based on how Usopp and Zoro are sweating nervously(Sanji just looked conflicted between nervousness and gushing), her face must tell a different story.
"Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Usopp. Let's go," Nami orders and jumps ashore without any more words.
Yup! She's super mad. And I quickly remembered something immensely vital. Something I had a massive stake in that was about to be massively hampered. It was a matter of life and death.
"Wait!" I scream and hobble over to the edge of the ship post-haste, clutching the rail as if it were a lifeline. My voice takes on a tone of panicked desperation. "I'm sorry, okay! You can hate me later, but please..." Damnit, am I sobbing a little? "Just... please get me some cute clothes! I can't stand living in a world of madness without looking fabulous! I'll let you beat me up, insult me, anything! Just think of the fashion!"
She stopped only for a fraction of a second before continuing forward, never once even thinking of looking back.
Everyone else looked at me like I was insane. Ignorant fools, not knowing any better. I can't be mad at their lack of priorities, merely puzzled at their life choices. With a shrug, they followed after Nami at their own pace, by which I mean they(barring Luffy) instantly bolted after her, all the while giving me weird looks(except Luffy who was just waving and smiling).
All I could do in the moment was leave my apparel in the hands of the Three Fates of Fashion: Fabulosity, Style, and Aesthetic. Well, I suppose I'm all on my own until they- oh yeah, Arlong is still here.
Honestly, if he gets out of control and decides to wreck house, there's not much I can do. What I did to him before won't work again, he's expecting that now. That and I'd need to make more poison, which I don't have time for. Speaking of the Fishman, I look at the huge lug.
He's just sitting casually on the opposite side of the deck, staring my way in silence. Funny, his eyes seem a bit wider than usual. I wonder why. Immediately my mind starts thinking of ways to make him not decide to take the path of my imminent demise.
Everything is quiet for a while before Arlong speaks up for the first time since we docked on these shoals.
"... What the hell."
-o~O-O~o-
"I spy with my little eye... something that starts with... 'C'," I drawl out. I was sitting cross-legged in a meditation stance, just a few feet away from my considerably more dangerous... pal? Foe? Frenemy?
"This game is idiotic," Arlong growls, seeming more disinterested and annoyed than anything.
"Bzzzt! Wrong, it's a trick question!" I exclaim. "The answer was given right from the start. It was sea. Get it? Because it sounds like the letter 'C'? Eh. Eh? EH?" I inch closer to him with each 'eh', ending the last 'eh' by jabbing Arlong's arm with my elbow.
He let out an annoyed growl in return. To his credit, I am not a wet smear right now, so... good?
I cross my arms(as well as I was able). "Fine, I-Spy is sort of a kid thing, isn't it," I relent. "I get it. It's not your speed... How about I sing instead?"
"Please no," Arlong shoots the suggestion down rather quickly. I frown very deeply, somewhat offended that he doesn't appreciate my vocal chords. Seriously, my vocal range is something most actors would kill to obtain!
... Oh, wait. Forgot I was tone deaf for a moment.
"Geeze, you're just anti-fun, aren't you?" I snark his way. "Real bag of laughs, you are." I put on a more serious tone. "Why'd you drown the fun? What did it do to you, Arly?"
"Call me that again..." Arlong just sort of let the unfinished threat float around, and I saw no reason to approach my demise faster. That's anti-progress. I am distressingly good at that.
"Christ, just trying to do small talk," I say in my defense, letting it go. "You're just so damn serious all the time. Major buzzkill."
A silence falls upon us. I am more than happy to brutally kick it out back and shoot it to death before it gets comfortable.
"Me leaving you here isn't a racist thing if that is what you're thinking," I state out of the blue, getting a reaction. That being, his eyes traveled my way, narrowing slightly. "I'll explain, don't worry. It isn't too offensive."
He regards me in silence, judging me, I feel. "Go on..."
I would clap my hands together, but seeing as that would be really hard right now, I just snap my fingers. "Well, first of all, it was a sign of trust," I explain. "Should be pretty obvious, but you are not the most liked person on this ship." He grunted a non-response, which I ignored. "Leaving you with some responsibility is a good way to develop trust, something that is paramount in our current predicament.
"These guys, Nami especially, hate you, or to be more specific, distrust you. They need to know that they won't get burned by letting a barely controlled fire stay on board a ship if you don't mind the metaphor. They need some proof that your intentions are genuine and not just a trick." I shoot him a deadpan look. "Thanks for making this harder for me, by the way."
"Hm?" He grunts. What a talkative fellow. I do recognize the question behind the noise though.
"I mean you, being all stand-offish and looking so angry all the time," I elucidate the topic. "I mean, I know it's just how your face looks, no offense, but would it kill you to hold a conversation for once?" He grunts again, and I poke his head with a finger(I am really good at not trying to kill myself, honest). "That doesn't count! Words, use them!"
Arlong glares at my finger as if it was something vile and brushed my hand away with slight force. Although, that did translate to my wrist aching a bit. "I am getting tired of your antics."
"And I am getting annoyed at how childish you're being right now!" I scream at him, baring my teeth in retaliation. "I want to help you, damnit! Giving humans a second chance means you ACTUALLY have to give them a second chance! And that's only possible if there is communication, and I haven't seen dick!" I smack my palm on my chest. "I don't count! I'm a terrible representation of the better sides of humanity! Talk to the others, for fuck's sake!"
He scoffs. "They despise me. Why should I bother?"
"No shit, Sherlock! Not too long ago you were their enemy, some more personally than others," I rebuke. "And that isn't going to fix itself without effort from both sides. And yeah, I know it's not just you. I'm pretty sure even the captain only trusts you because he has some miraculous faith in my judge of character." ... That reminds me. "Wait, hasn't Luffy tried talking to you, like, a dozen times?"
"The hammer is annoying," comes Arlong's simple and short reply.
"Okay, disregarding that I don't know what a 'hammer' is in this context... Yeah, I get that, actually," I say, not really able to disregard his view. A view that I shared. "Luffy does come off a bit strong, doesn't he?" I shake my head. "Regardless, I am trying to make the others more receptive to your presence, but you need to give something back. It's a lot to ask, I know, but otherwise, this all will be pointless, at which point I have to ask. Why are you here, and are you even trying?"
I let him stew on that for a while, and he did seem to be thinking it over. I mean, I hope he was. Damn guy is hard to get a read on. If only his face wasn't stuck in that accursed frown...
"Also, the second reason I'd rather have you stay here," I say, catching his attention once more. "Aside from my personal safety, that is. As it stands, you are the only one of us with a pre-existing reputation. Not to mention you stand out much more in a crowd. No offense meant, just the truth. If you were walking those streets, the Marines would be on our asses within seconds."
Arlong takes a while to consider what I said and grunts in affirmation. I smile faintly at his acceptance of my logic.
"Also, guarding the boat is an important, noble job," I quip with a grin. "You literally hold all responsibility so that no one fucks off with the only way for the crew to fuck off when shit hits the fan. It's not the most exciting sounding duty, but it is one of the most important."
Arlong regards me for a while before looking forward to the horizon. "I suppose," he mutters. He pauses, thinking. "This is not... easy."
"Never said it was," I respond empathetically. "Hell, I've just discovered that being nice is more of a foreign concept to me than I thought it was." I jab Arlong on the arm. "You're not the only one struggling in unforeseen territory. Like it or not, we're in this together."
A moment passes in silence. It's a lot less awkward this time, both of us just entertaining our own thoughts. I on how to go about this whole 'don't be an asshole thing' and Arlong... I don't know. Brooding? The guy is a mystery.
Our musings, whatever they were, were soon interrupted. A voice, somewhere from the shore. I glanced at Arlong, who'd also noticed, and put a finger on my lips and shushed. I then crawled to the other end of the ship that faced the shore and peeked at the source of this interruption.
I had to work to refrain from snorting loudly. On the shore stood one of the most ridiculous looking men I'd ever laid eyes on.
'What the fuck is with those cute ears?!' My mind screams. Because really, what the fuck. This man had hair that seemed to fuse with his beard, and on top of that, poking out of a ridiculous pink 'helmet' were these cute long bunny ears.
Are those natural? Part of that headpiece? What is that hideous thing on his head?! What the fuck is this guy? What is he wearing?! Is that a fur vest with blue pants? Is that a yellow sash? The colors clash so horribly! Is he insane?!
"I'M TRIGGERED!" I scream and am pointing my rifle at this hideous cancer on fashion.
"AAAAA!" The Hideous-Clothed-One screams in fright and jumps back, like a sissy.
"You!" I scream out.
"M-me?"
"Who?"
"Wha-"
"WHO?!"
"Mohji!"
"What are you doing?"
"What am I doing?"
"DON'T SASS ME, BOY!"
"Captain Buggy told me to burn the ship!"
"Whose ship?"
"Straw Hat Luffy's!"
"You ruining my day?"
"Ruining your day?"
"ARE YOU?!"
He pauses.
"... Yes?"
"BITCH, I'LL SHOOT YOU!"
"Please no!"
"Three! Two! One and a half!"
"W-wait-"
"FIRE!"
"AHHHHH!" He screams in fright.
"AAAAAARGH!" I scream in indignation.
He runs away screaming as I pull the trigger. He's gone too quickly to notice that nothing happened.
...
"Shit, I forgot to load," I state the obvious. Very much unlike me. I really hate how hard it is to load with only one hand in my use.
"... What the hell."
I turn to look at Arlong, who is staring at me with actual emotion on his face. And that is the face that screams "what the hell is this crazy person?". So I act naturally.
"What?" I shrug. "Did you see his attire? " I ignored the poignant 'No'. "Absolute horror to the senses! You dress somewhat fashionably, you'd understand, right."
Arlong just stares at me like I'd lost my mind.
"Sha..." Wait, why is he quivering like- "Shahahaha! Shahahahaha!"
And now he's laughing his ass off. Normally I'd be glad at this apparently positive derailment from his stoic brooding, except I just felt annoyed that the hollering was directed at me.
"Yeah, sure. Laugh it up, you hyena!" I snarl. "Clothes are serious business, damnit!"
For some reason, he just laughs harder at my statement of fact.
I feel a vein throb on my forehead.
Where the fuck are the others? I want to leave! I don't have to stand this ridicule!
The sky rumbles and suddenly dark and ominous in its nature. Small, wet specks start tapping on my face. Within seconds it escalates to a downpour.
"AND NOW IT'S FUCKING RAINING!"
-o~O-O~o-
There is no excuse for this being super late. One can't truly explain the horrors of a creative drought that just kills all progress. You'll get what I mean if you write in any capacity. But here is a chapter where almost nothing happens! It was supposed to be longer, but I thought "Hey, these guys have been patient with my bullshit. I can cut this off here and give them SOMETHING!"
Aside from that horrid debacle of me failing super hard at being punctual; Abel is a jerk. He's been a jerk for so long, so consistently, that being nice is a borderline foreign concept that he's rusty and unfamiliar with. Our cross-dressing friend has a long road ahead of him before he'll truly be Nakama.
Next time, departing from Logue Town and the voyage to cross the Reverse Mountain! Mostly from the POV of everyone EXCEPT our asshole protagonist! I wonder what everyone thinks of him?
Once more, sorry for being bad at schedules. I hope I'll one day earn the right to be a bit tardy by bastardizing this narrative to high hell with unforeseen swerves.
*wink wink*
-Bad At His Job, C-Hablerie