Loyalties:
Mass Effect Trilogy is a Bioware game. For any reference to the Official Game All rights are owned by Bioware. The Fan Fiction "Mass Effect At Dawn Again" is fruit of my imagination and my work, it is a free tribute, passionate and personal to a great video game. It is not allowed any use partial or total for profit and not.
Chapter 5
Two long years with hell inside
(Burning revelations)
When Liara leaves the room of Shepard, it is late afternoon. She never talked her about events took place after her death in such detail. She feared, sharing these memories, would make it much suffering, and she did not want to add any more pain. Perhaps now, even this tremendous suffering, will come in handy to shake Shepard from that sleep. For this reason, she had groped, even at the cost of getting hurt, even if it means reliving the darkest and most painful period of her whole life ... Even if there is the risk, she gets out of it in pieces! While she is crossing the hall, Miranda rumor suddenly, get back Liara to reality ...
M: Liara! What's happening? You look upset ...
L: Oh Miranda! I am nice to see you ... It 'was a really hard day! I recalled with Shepard my memories about of her death, and the following period back on Omega ... Do you remember?
M: how could I forget it?! I know it was necessary, but ... Oh well, it sounds terrible for you!
L: Yeah! Unfortunately while I was re-living her death, I lost my control, and I couldn't calm down, so Shepard beats, went off range for an infinity! I felt all her despair mingling with mine, Miranda! Although she couldn't speak, her heart bounced directly inside mine, and ... Oh, the meaning was clear! ...
M: Hey, come on! You don't have let yourself be carried away into the vortex ... It was the past. You know it ... Also, you cannot afford to let you go! Your mission is too important to give up right now. Come on, let to eat something, you will do well, and after a good night's sleep, tomorrow morning you'll feel much better, I'm sure!
L: Thank you, Miranda! You know, I still cannot believe you're the same person I met that day back on Omega!
M: Oh Well, maybe because that specimen of Miranda Lawson, no longer exists, already for a long time, and it was just thank to Shepard, and ... of course to you too, Mommy!
… Also the Matriarch shared a lot of pain. She's still sitting in the chair more comfortable, in Dr. Chakwas' office: her head in her hands, cheeks flooded with tears ... Karin is very upset, and she barely able to hold back emotion. Suddenly, that fascinating Asari, no longer seems to her so far away ... She lays a hand on her shoulder, tenderly caressing her, trying to give her some consolation, she can! Aethyta holds that hand into her own, she draws it to herself, tracing with the back, the profile of her own cheek, gently, until reaching it with her lips, touch it, and reciprocates with a kiss ... Karin feels a deep emotion, a thrill that for a long, long time she kept buried into darkest hiding of her heart ... The voice of Aethyta is unusually sweet when tells ...
A: Thanks, Sugar! You are kind to worry about me! I ... I thought she was in a coma! I had no idea that Shepard was truly dead! Her heart had stopped for more than a month! Oh shit! What they went through both of them ... That's awful! By Athame! Shepard had died and Liara ... Oh, my poor baby ... I'm so sorry!
K: how could you imagine? I can understand how you are feeling! You know, Shepard is like a daughter to me ... I also have a great care to Liara. I was there on the Normandy in those days. Oh, it was terrible!... But it has passed, Shepard coming back! Aethyta Look, I'm a doctor, a scientist, and I certainly not believe in miracles, but ... surely this can't have been only science ... All this love, has to have just counted something!
A: You know, I begin to understand why Liara is so in love with her, and maybe even Shepard ...
K: maybe?!
A: Ah, Karin I apologize! I'll look blind, I know, but the truth is that I can't afford making any mistakes!
Karin's voice is pleasantly delicate again, and Aethyta realizes she cannot help but feel happy for this ...
K: OK ... Then, I'll wait for you tomorrow morning ... the usual time?
… Liara wakes up early, as usual Miranda was right. She feels much better, she has a great desire coming to Shepard, to also convey to her, this feeling of well-being ... Her hands, unknowingly are moving around her belly in a gentle caress, a tender greeting ... "Good morning my little, it's time to get up!" By now it's been 15 weeks, her belly is imperceptible grown, but she is convinced that it begin to guess, she's waiting for a daughter! She feels move inside her, sensing grow, and the love she feels for the little creature, becomes every day more and more larger. She forces herself to have breakfast even though she is not very hungry, then walks down the aisle. Passing in front of Karin's office, she would greet her, but it is locked, then she heads decisive toward Shepard's room.…
… Karin and the Matriarch are already seated, they are waiting, the comm is turned on ... Karin just cannot explain the strange behavior of Aethyta, she feels a sudden temptation to ask her ...
K: May I know ... why the hell don't you want to say to Liara you are here?!
A: I will not distract her from Shepard, and then ... I'm afraid she asks me questions which I cannot answer because I couldn't lie to her!
K: she's coming!
… Liara enters the room grinning, she sits down close to Shepard. She bends over her, resting the head up to her left shoulder. She wraps Shepard on the waist with her arm, squeezing gently to herself. With the lips she brushes her cheek in a kiss so gentle as her own smile ...
L: Hi, my Love! Yesterday it was a very sad day, isn't it?! Even if you can't speak, I felt all your pain! You were in great despair I know, sharing those memories with me. I'm sorry, my Star! I also felt a great suffering to remember those days ... It was a part of my life whom I had not yet courage to tell you ... I was too afraid to hurt you! But I think there is nothing, no one thing, I cannot share with you! Included ... the unbearable sense of guilt for leaving you to die, which haunted my mind, slapped my heart! So, I will continue from where I stopped, and you will not have any worry. We will! In usual way! You'll see!
… After delivering your body and the data to Miranda, I didn't have any sensible reason to hold off all my despair ... That fire, which burnt my heart, the blade of ice, it pierced my flesh, this torment endless, freezing and seething my blood, were free at last tearing apart my soul, with no brakes, no hesitation, no barriers, no shelter, never more ... I was completely alone, at the mercy of my despair! I don't even remember how I came back on Illium. I found myself one morning in my office, thinking about Feron ... Despite, he was trying to cheat me, at first, over time he became moved by me ... by us, from our desperate story. He helped me for real, offering me his friendship, risking his life to protect me, not get me killed by Tazzik. It was thanks only to him if I could to recover your body, delivering it to Miranda. I was terribly afraid he was dead! None on Omega was able to tell me where he was end up, every track was as vanished. I felt so guilt for Feron, fix his situation was highly urgent for me ... likely, someone else had died my own fault! I hated Shadow Broker, he had interfered in my plans, favoring the dark threat of Collectors. He caused great suffering to me, to Feron, and he ... he laid their dirty hands on you! I had least try to do something, helping my friend, rescue him, or getting my revenge for him! Thanks to my work as an archaeologist, looking for clues, evidence, or information it was always been easy for me. I am natural. To find news about someone, but always requires a gift exchange, so I entered on information trade. I became fairly good, and soon I cut out my place in the industry. I worked hard during the day that was enough to keep me busy, it was preventing me from thinking about you, but ... in the evening, as soon as I returned home, my pain was there, waiting for me. It enveloped me like a too tight cape, choking me. Nothing could bring me away from my torment. You came inside me like a storm. My longing for you was devastating. I felt your absence into every cell of my body, in every beat, every breath ... I missed you so desperately in my body, in my mind, in my soul ... Oh Emy, I was lost without you! The only relief was to hug me inside our memories ... into our good times ... our unforgettable night! Remember how in happiness we were! I fell asleep as well, through tears, almost every night! At the beginning, it often came back to my mind Miranda's words … "The Boss is more hopeful about Shepard's prospects" ... I would have given all because it was true! Why there really was a way to get you back, then if I could lose me again into your arms! More time passed, more her words seemed to me empty and useless ... To come true around my dream, more and more impossible! After one year of that life, nothing had changed ... none relief! I simply pulled out, working feverishly, each day. Leaving me choke by an ear-splitting need of you, each night. If it was not enough, I couldn't get hold of any important information about Feron. I felt the time pulsing in my veins, flows like the wind swept the sand. Ebbing and flowing, like a river slowly and silently through my breath ... Continuous, relentless, endless, and ... spread it like salt on the wounds of my heart torn apart, increasing second after second my pain. One morning, after almost two years, I was absorbed in my work in the office, when I came across a question that stopped my heart ... Someone said with extreme certainty, person who got taken Collectors flight back on Horizon, prevent whole human colony's kidnapping, it was ... Commander Shepard! My first reaction was utter disbelief, but my craving for further research was such that I put all my sources to investigate about Cerberus. I discovered that after sustaining a secret base attack, Cerberus risked the failure of its most ambitious and significant plan: the Lazarus Project! It was not easy to find out more, but I finally found out that the Lazarus Project, had only purpose, to bring back in life … Commander Shepard! Crowds of emotions were taking hold of me, the most imminent was the fear. An unstoppable terror, shaking me like a tremor, flapping and countered me as a wave on the rock, at the storm's mercy. It was falling me into a bottomless pit infinity. Afraid to believe, to let me go, to free my heart from yoke, and let it fly. To wake me up realizing with horror it wasn't true. It was just illusion! I knew all too clearly, I couldn't bear flattering myself, believing, hoping, only to slip back into a reality, where nothing had changed ... Where you were dead, and I had been only deceived! More I study in deep my searches, however, the more I bumped into places where you'd been seen: Horizon, the Citadel, Omega, and ... Illium! By the Goddess! I still could not believe it! You, not only you were alive, but you were docking back on Illium ... I could know, Finally! I was monitoring carefully every dock, until that day, when communication that Normandy was docking on Nos Astra it caught me like a bomb! I immediately sent someone to welcome you, inviting you in my office ... I was no longer in my skin! ... Do you remember that day Shepard, when you entered my office on Illium?! I was talking on vid-comm with a customer, who he was refusing to pay for my work. I was bluffing shamelessly, trying to seem like a tough. I was in back to the door ...
L: Have you faced an Asari Commando unit before? Few humans have survived to tell the tale ... I'll make it simple. Either you pay me, or I fly you alive ... with my mind!
Suddenly the door opened, and your presence filled the room ...
L: Shepard! ... Oh, I yearn so long for this miracle!
Your gaze overwhelmed me, and your smile flooded over my craving ... Then, your face, your scent, your eyes ... Everything looked the same as I had lost, but ... I had to be sure! I was fighting with all my strength do not pass out, while I was coming closer. I felt the touch of your hands, which they were wrapped around mine. I drew you to me, mixing you into my breath, confusing me inside yours. The ground caved under my feet, while I was looking for your eyes, so deeply thrown down inside mine. I felt no more air in my chest. Then, your lips reclaimed back for mine, into a thrilling touch. You were exploding inside my stomach, unstoppable, like a sweet invasion. Your kiss, gently it was taking back my breath, producing wonder. I felt the love slipping strongly in every cell, upsetting every thought, making fun of my beat, insinuate it in my every surge, and ... stealing my reason, imprisoning my mind in that pleasure, for eternity. Then, your face, your scent, your eyes, again ... I would recognize that thrill, among millions of other thrills ... Your kisses that ardor, all those emotions thrive again, in this inexplicable euphoria of senses that you only could infuse in me, with all love we just had reignited. There was no doubt in my heart … It was You! Oh Shepard! You ... You ... my sweet Love, I was absolutely sure!
However, we were not alone, and I struggled to control myself. Even your voice still betrayed emotion ...
L: My sources said you're alive, but I never believed ... It's very good to see you!
The tone of your voice was so excited, sweet, delicate ... nice ... I suddenly realized how that sound, smooth and persuasive to me was essential ...
S: I'm glad to see you too, Liara ... How are you doing?
L: I'm doing well! You know, I've been working as an information broker ... It's pay the bill since you ... Well, for the past two years! And now, you're back, gunning for the Collector with Cerberus ...
S: If you know that ... Then, you know that you can usually help.
Inside me, I was dying to leave everything and go with you! Instead, I felt tied down of my past. I was fragile hostage in hands of unquenchable fury that I couldn't control. I was slave of insatiable thirst for revenge that I couldn't ignore! With an insane sense of guilt that I sensed impossible to silence! Who knows what you thought of me that day! It was little left, of the shy and gentle girl, who two years before you were holding gently in your arms in handful of seconds ahead on hellish mess that Collectors threw down on us, wasn't it? I had been two years inside that hell! However, you could certainly not understand all of my reasons. I couldn't explain you with words ... Oh Star! Even now I cannot! But maybe I know a better way ...
Liara holds Shepard's hand in her own, she comes close to her face. Their bodies are wrapped in a bright blue aura, while her eyes turn in mysterious eternal black. Then, thoughts and sensations are joined, distinct identities are mixed, memories and emotions penetrate each other, giving life to a new and unbreakable One ... Shepard's beats increase, as often happens during mental mergers. Any vision is still so vivid that even if she cannot move or speak, she is able to fully share Liara's emotions, blending them her own ... It is a very beautiful moment for both of them, during which Shepard, can communicate with Liara, infusing to her the way she feels for her, and also what she felt that day ... When the merger ends, Liara sighs of emotion, while she start talking again ...
You know what I felt that day now, and why say you no, it was the hardest thing ...
L: I can't Shepard. I'm sorry! I have commitments here ... things I need to take care ...
S: what kinds of things you need to take care of? Are you in trouble?
Now more than ever, I felt the huge weight about Feron had happened for my sake ... I couldn't leave Feron to his own devices, not without discover what had occurred ...
L: no, no trouble, but it'd been a long two years. I had things to do when you were go on. I have debt to repay ...
S: if you need help ... I take care of it!
L: Thank you Shepard, this need me help me pay a great debt!
... After the mind meld, Liara always feels herself very tired. She should take a break to regain her strength and energy, concentration ...
L: Oh Shepard, I'm so tired! Sorry, but I have to stop for a while. It's almost time for dinner now. You still should take a rest ... Sleep well, my Star, I'll see you tomorrow morning ...
Liara approaches Shepard to greet her with a kiss. Her lips brushes against Shepard's forehead then, caressing her cheek. Finally, she looks for Shepard's ear with her mouth and softly whispering ...
L: Hey, you know that I miss you, isn't it? Please, coming back soon … to me! I miss every thing of you, so much! Your kisses, your smile, the sound of your voice. Your eyes, illuminating my room, your hands. Tenderness of when you hold me in your arms ... that fire! I ... I feel lost without you! Good night, my sweetheart!
… Matriarch Aethyta waits a few minutes Liara move away, then she gets up, walking away hastily, stormy heart ...
A: Oh shit! I gotta go ... thanks Karin, see you tomorrow!
Karin feels an irrepressible urge to stop her, having contact with her, sharing her pain, to make it look lighter ...
K: Hey, wait! Where are you going? ... Please, listen me Aethyta, I certainly do not pretend to know you, and if you want to be alone ... I can understand it, but ... I think you have a lot of things inside you hurting, and ... maybe share them with someone, would give you a bit of relief, wouldn't it?
The Matriarch turns her back on Karin, standing in front of the door closed. Since she is listening Liara relive her memories with Shepard, she is pervaded by a great sadness that every day becomes stronger, and now it has completely taken hold of her ... She understood many things about her daughter: how much she suffered, and how she is special. She has a great pride to be her father, so great that is surpassed only by the sense of guilt that haunts her. The one from whom never had been present in her life. She was not at her side when Liara was alone, in despair and she would have had an unspeakable need of one father ... even just to cry in her arms! Karin's voice messes with heart of Aethyta, in confusing way that takes away her breath. It goes straight into the soul, making it trembles. Aethyta would like to let herself go. Already some days she is trying not listen, but she cannot pretend nothing happened ... no more. She feels inevitably drawn, deeply involved with someone who is not Benezia, as she never thought possible. Time to be honest is come, she cannot chicken out! So, she says ...
A: Yeah, it's true Karin, you aren't familiar with me, but ... you equally know a lot about me, and ... Oh, shit! OK Karin ... you also fascinate me! I find it's very charming, what it lies under that battle armor, inside which you love hiding yourself, but ... I might only suffer you, and believe me ... I won't hurt you!
Karin's voice sounds dry, like a gunshot, burning air all around, quickly make way through the heart of Aethyta ...
K: Listen up, Sweetie! I don't pretend to have a thousand years like you, but I assure you that by standards of my race, I am all too adult, and perfectly able to decide with who and when I want to risk suffering. Is all that clear?! In my life, I felt more pain than joy. So, I'm not going to give up every precious happy moment. I don't care a shit, if I have to pay the bill! I'm not escaped of annihilation, only for having fear of suffering! Happiness is a gift of Destiny, the most precious thing we have … It would be foolish to throw away an opportunity! You haven't learned anything from your daughter. Oh, that's incredible!
Aethyta's voice wraps Karin, like a sad caress. The arrogant and pretentious person of a few days ago, suddenly seems only a vague memory ... While Karin is listening her to talk, she feels faint, and no longer able to control her emotions ...
A: I am dying Karin! I'll live just a few days ... You'll remain nothing else that a bit of grief, and a few thrills to remember me!
The heart of Karin seems escaping the chest, such is emotion that shakes and invades her, it overthrows, like a gone crazy wave. She has waited so long, to feel that thrill ... If she must be honest, she also was afraid, at first. She tried to control it, to ignore it or suppressing, but ... It is so intense and indomitable, which finally, she had to give in, and let it burst inside her, without any chains. She knows it will make likely suffer herself, but she is unable to resist her feelings, an unreasonable attraction like that ... This makes no sense, but love's affairs, you know, have never any sense ... It happens that's that, when it has happen, so exactly as now. Karin has already made her decision ...
…Aethyta has remained motionless, standing in front of door closed, silently. Karin approaches her, up to surround her waist with hands, then gently she turns her towards herself. Karin's gaze is serene and sure, she looks at Aethyta with care. She notices her eyes are filled with tears, and suddenly she seems to her so fragile. Karin's tone is excited and sensual when she finally whispers softly ...
K: then, you should hurry up, Sweetie, I think you and me, we don't have much time to lose!
For a long and inexpressible moment, they remain suspended, one in front of each other, so damn close. Their eyes together in only one look, are touching deepest chills of heart. Their lips suspended in touching desire burn like fire, then ... Passion breaks through the dikes, raging fire, unquenchable ... Their bodies, wrapped in a deep blue halo, attracting, brush against, and touching. They mingle with such passion and intensity, it seems they know each other since forever. Even their lips have no secrets while are touching deepest chords of emotion, and you belong in endless embrace ... Then, Aethyta's eyes embrace eternity, for long and endless moments. Thoughts and feelings are mixed, emotions and identities mingle with each other, two become one, while ecstasy ... overflowing.
… They are exhausted, and yet tenderly embraced, when Karin's voice caresses silence again ...
K: Oh, Aethyta! What greatest of wonders! I felt not so good since centuries! You know, Sweetie, I don't care a damn in order how much I'll have to suffer, because every moment with you has been ... really wonderful!
Aethyta smiles sweetly, slipping deeper inside Karin's embrace. Then, she brushes her face and caresses her again, with very thoughtful voice ...
A: oh, yeah! For me too, Sugary! It was more than 100 years, I didn't having a so damn great and ungodly good sex! Hey, a true century!
Karin smiles with tongue in cheek, while she draws a stunned expression on her face. The voice sounds surprise, at first ... becoming, gradually more and more fun ...
K: do you mean that, after Benezia you no longer having sex?! Oh God! I wonder why, did I imagine you more as an old blue lecher, rather than a cloistered nun!
Aethyta smiles shyly, and Karin would swear color of her face is even more blue, while she chuckles, telling her one thing that, she had never told no one before ...
A: Yeah! Eh eh eh, no! I'm just a weird old blue mummy, I know! As opposed of what I like to pretend with others ... I'm not constantly involved in lustful sex affairs! I like to pretend to be very horny ... You know, it's a highly efficient way to keep others away! Oh, it's a blast, too! Well, the truth … Benezia was my greater love! ... When she left me, I could have no one else! Even after she died ... not until this evening!
Karin just can't help but feel freaked out by the joy, if only she thinks Aethyta feels attracted to her after such a long period of complete devotion to her old mate. She has just passed her fifty by a few years, but this night, she feels happy like a little girl. So much excited. She could never imagine in lifetime, having an experience so overwhelming. However, she can't help but wonder what is the mysterious health problem which Aethyta previously mentioned ...
K: Oh, well, Thyta, I'm really very happy! However, you said you're going to die! I'm a doctor, if you are sick …
Aethyta sigh, then hurries to answer ...
A: Oh no, that's not why!
K: Then, how hell do you know, having so little time?!
Aethyta slips intensely in the eyes of Karin, her deep voice reflects a note of ill-concealed sadness ...
A: Are you sure you want to hear?
K: Well, getting to this point, I thought to deserve your trust ...
A: Oh, sure you deserve! Well, the truth … When time to save Shepard will come ... I'll die! It sounds crazy, I know! On the other hand, I have the ability to convey my vital energy and infuse it in Shepard, through an Asari age-old ritual that very few people have been able to master since the dawn of time. Thanks this ritual, Shepard's blackout will be canceled, and she will return at last to her life, but ... I will lose mine! Now do you see why I don't want to talk with Liara? I could never put her in position of having to choose. It would be too painful for her! I want to do it, without she grasps anything. She'll never knows it was me, who heal Shepard. I have already passed my thousand, Karin. I have lived so long that I have no regrets if not … Liara! To live few another year may not count for me, how much to give back to my baby a lifetime with who she loves!
Karin squeezes stronger in that embrace, as she struggles with noose is smothering her throat ...
K: Oh Aethyta! The act of love you intend to do is incredible, and wonderful too! However, I think you should tell her everything. Talking to her, say goodbye! You must let her know how much you love her, and how much you're proud of her. How do you believe she feels, when she'll realize by herself, you're dead, without even a damn greet! Abandoned, what else? Again! Liara really needs to know how much you love her, curse! Do you understand? You Asari can merge your mind with the loved ones, exchanging some parts, to tell goodbye ... Then, let it do! Because this is something that you can do for her, and for sure,you can't just leave, with that regret!
Aethyta knows that Karin is right, but she also knows so much well, she does not the brave to say it to Liara. However, she had no memory to feel herself so happy, sensing an intoxicating splash of euphoria such to consider the possibility to be carefree. She never would think to realize she has not almost more afraid to be alone ...
A: Oh Sugar, you're right, you know! Look, you're much more adult than me, that's sure! Athame sees! What a great stroke of lucky bum I got, when you're becoming part of my destiny!
K: Eh eh! My pleasure, Sweetie! You too, you're the best hellish hot experience it happened to me, in very long time!
To be Continue ….