Loyalties:
Mass Effect Trilogy is a Bioware game. For any reference to the Official Game All rights are owned by Bioware. The Fan Fiction "Mass Effect At Dawn Again" is fruit of my imagination and my work, it is a free tribute, passionate and personal to a great video game. It is not allowed any use partial or total for profit and not.
Chapter 35
Dreaming back!
… Liara lingers next to Shepard for a long time. She loves to take devotedly care of her. She holds the Shepard's hand, strokes her face, brushes Shepard's hair on the pillow. When the night comes, Liara must struggle to dispel her melancholy, which often gathers at the pit of her stomach, and obstinately tries to go up. She would not want to leave Shepard alone, not even at night, but she is forced to.
As the weeks pass, Liara needs to lie down comfortably, for their little one. She gained a few pounds, and the belly of hers is swollen and tighten, lately. The weight of her baby is starting to take its toll even on her back. For this reason, she absolutely needs a comfortable bed, at least for a few hours each night. Of course, she could get a cot next to Shepard, but with all that noise, she knows she'd definitely never get any sleep.
The evening lights illuminate the night of a seductive glow, beyond the small window, which gives a piece of starry sky to Shepard's sleep. Liara gets reluctantly up, as every evening, and she kisses the love of her life on the forehead. The light on her nightstand goes out. Liara's dreams gently enveloped from the penumbra. In a moment, her wishes take wing. She closes her eyes, while the night slips away, in a heartbeat. When she sits next to Shepard again, she feels like she has never stopped holding her hand.
Shepard is still, between her bedclothes, her eyes are closed, her expression is peaceful, as if asleep. Liara looks at her, with loving eyes, and suddenly, the heart of hers fall tumbled with emotions. Shepard's eyelids are moving, out of control, as if holding on to a dream! Liara can hardly believe her eyes. She needs to look away for a moment, then go back to staring greedily at the Shepard's closed eyes. That is the first time she is dreaming... that she is showing such indisputable brain response!
Liara does not have time to inform Karin. She does not want to risk the dream can dissolve, and quickly fade away. The medical detectors have been recording every slightest variation in Shepard's brainwaves for months. She knows Karin will be able to analyze more closely the results, later. Liara is trembling with emotion, but must be able to focus, trying to dominate her excitement.
Whether the connection is deep enough, she thinks she will be able to "look" into Shepard's dream, to merge with Shepard's emotions, to share them. Maybe, she can also relive some moments of the past she spent together with Shepard! Liara's fingers feverishly wrap around those of Shepard, with a tremor of euphoria, while Liara's eyes dive into eternity.
The strong feeling of disapproval is the first thing she feels, as the darkness fades away, and the sensations become images, the images become memories, and memories become emotions. Liara is walking behind Shepard. She silently looks at her, while Shepard follows with her gaze the feline movements of Sha'ira. Such a skimpy dress is a daring hymn to sexiness. The Consort face is too beautiful, not to arouse voluptuous upheaval. Her voice is too intriguing, not to get the imagination excited. Her body is too attractive not to ignite unmentionable instincts.
Liara finds herself in exactly the same emotional state she remembered. She feels foolish, mundane, and inadequate. She intensely relives the same eruption of jealousy, like that day. However, unlike of that day, now she finds herself at the same time, even within Shepard's emotions.
The Commander is not the kind of person who fall in love with ostentation. On the contrary, such a great deal of arts of seduction, usually makes her to be on the lookout. She is carefully studying the Consort, wondering, what the hell could she possibly want with. That's not arousal, but interest. She does not feel attracted by the Asari's bewitching charm, who voluptuously wiggles in front of her. Shepard just wants to understand, lending a hand, if she can do.
However, Sha'ira's room looks like an alcove. Liara feels at the mercy of a great deal of negativity. The mental power of the Consort bothers her, the loveliness of Sha'ira scares her more than anything. She feels completely naive, too much unimpressive to compete with someone like the Consort. She just wants to leave, grabbing Shepard by the arm and drag her away. All she knows is that she hates being there, and she cannot help but look absolutely annoyed...
L: That's fascinating! Now, you want to shake-up your agenda every day, to meet the Commander?
Shepard is pleasantly confused with the nuance of jealousy, which makes Liara's voice shaking. Her beats get running, as the stomach of hers shuts down. Shepard feels a wave of happiness flowing through her senses, an intense emotion which takes her breath away. She has to struggle hard to keep hidden the smug smirk, which would like to stretch at the sides of her mouth.
The Consort moves, as if Liara's words had dissolved even before reaching her own ear. A languid glance, sparkling with indulgence, vibrates abruptly, and cross for a moment Liara's eyes. Then, the charming Asari sinuously approaches the Commander. The gaze of hers travel across the Shepard's eyes with mystery. The captivating tone of her voice resounds, like an intriguing melody.
Sh: I also have one more thing to give you, if you are interested.
Shepard has just won the undying gratitude of one of the most fascinating creatures, and most prodigious mental powered she has ever met. She cannot help but feel honored for this. Curiousness fills the senses of Shepard, first turned into disbelief by the words of the Consort, which gradually becomes appreciation.
Sh: I offer a gift of words. An affirmation of who you are, and who you will become. I see your skin, tough as the scales of any Turian. Unyielding. A wall between you, and everyone else, but it protect you, makes you strong...
Shepard feels flattered by Sha'ira's words. She has a great deal of respect for such an extraordinary talent. She feels infinitely grateful for the wave of positiveness, which is spreading from her voice.
Sh: You never hide your strength, either. It serves you well. Terrifies your foes. Few will dare to stand against you. This may be who you are, but it is not what you will become. It only forms the basis for your future greatness. Remember these words, when doubt decends, Commander.
Actually, that's all Shepard needs to hear. However, there is something else. Something that Liara could not imagine that day, but now, it makes her shaking from within, like in a storm of emotions. Sha'ira gets closer to Shepard. The eyes of hers, like a flash of suggestion, her tantalizing hand slightly touches on Shepard's cheek. She gently pulls it towards her own. Consort's velvet lips murmur incomprehensibly in the Commander's hair. Until, the whisper becomes a sound, able to vibrate in Shepard's soul with wonderful sensations...
Sh: I feel a very strong connection, Commander. Something really special. Some sort of deep bond that cannot be broken, and capable of nourishing your strength, to wipe out any fear. There is an attraction with no definition yet. Embryonic, at the moment, but it is revealing itself, day after day, more and more clearly in your heart, in a truly extraordinary way, to the point of being invincible.
I can see the sketchy outlines of a "Perfect Bond," Commander. It merges you with a "Soulmate" who is right here, in this room! I feel a rare harmony, and precious! Do not be afraid to heed the call of your heart, Commander. Let yourself be guided by the wonderful magic of what you feel. You are about to receive an extraordinary gift made of Love. I see this as your best chance of survival!
Liara can hear her own name echoing in Shepard's thoughts. That messes up her heart with joy, like a sweet melody. "Oh Baby Girl, how I wish you knew how much I want you!" The attraction they feel each other becomes electric on Shepard's fingertips, which briefly touch Liara's cheek, bringing both their hearts out of the chest. There is such an intensity in Shepard's eyes that Liara feels her legs become water. Their glances belong together just for a wing beat, but Shepard's voice is too sweet not to reveal to Liara what is crossing through her heart...
S: C'mon, let's go. We're done here!
… Even the dream has changed. Liara immediately recognizes the stairs down the Engineering Deck. Shepard is quietly heading down the steps, wrapped in the reddish shadows of the service lights. She looks tired, distracted by the sound of her own boots. Dark thoughts live in her head, fed with the frequent murmur of adjustment that the Normandy's bulkheads make resonate within her body, like a melancholic whale song.
It is pretty dark, calm and quiet down here. That's why Jack has done her own hidey hole just there.
It's been a few moments she is laid down, on the uncomfortable cot of hers, next to the partition. Motionless. The noise of the trigger cap has not stopped marking time in her head. Painfully. Ears perpetually dazed by the roar of the explosion. An echo from within, which makes her vibrating, like a drum skin.
She gets cold. Her soul has remained the same lump of desolate fury, and uncontrollable madness. As though no revenge could ever change the gross reality of the inevitable doom of hers. Jack knew there was the case not to find any consolation, after all. Paradoxically, to feel even worse. That's what actually happened.
The Teltin facility blew into millions of splinters thrown across the planet, like bullets of rage, but... nothing was like she remembered! Revenge gives way to blame, anger falls into a painful remorse.
Survivor guilt hisses like a constrictor, her breath crushed out of her lungs. "Fuck that! If it wasn't me... they would be dead for someone else! Fuck your asses!" She closes her eyes, unable to restrain the torrent of tears that slips down her cheeks. "Crap! What a hell of fucking shit!"
Jack angrily holds a vial of hallex, desperately longing for some refreshment. "Fuck!" The wave of pleasure comes abruptly, like an orgasm. Memories flow jumbled as ravenous insects, all of them digging nothing but painful scars.
Memories run, overlap each other in her mind. The soul screams, badly in need of love. Instead, nothing but sex, again and again. Until it hurts so much, to make it look anger like a relief, and the solitude like a paradise, to which she does not want to give up anymore.
Cerberus plagued her childhood. It has torn all the peace out of her. For a lifetime, she has watched Teltin blow up every night, into the worst nightmare of hers, in a cold sweat. Every fucking morning, she felt the fury awaken still beside her, more suffocating and bigger than before. Then, boom! Finally, fuck you Cerberus. Fuck you for real, this time!
Jack seems unconscious when the Shepard's worried hand is looking for heart rate. Before the pulse, then her neck. Jack feels the Commander's hand touching her shoulder, her face. A whisper of high voice jumps out from hell. It digs into the silence like a blade, which is cutting, within and without of her...
J: Hey, wanna fuck Shepard!? Yeah, I should've guessed. You know, everybody always wants something, and you're not different from other people, aren't you?! Actually, I'm not so horny at the thought of, hon, but... I owe you a big favor. So, OK... let's just do it really fast, 'cause I wanna sleep!
Shepard tries to hide behind a grinning face the deep gut-wrenching sense of squalor. While, compassion is beating the distressed heart of hers. However, her voice is still gentle and calm...
S: Aw, you're kind, Jack! Thanks, but I'm already taken! And then, I do not fuck... when at most I'm really lucky, I would make love, but you know... to be honest, it's a bad time even for me! You're high! ... Hallex, aren't you?
Jack's voice sounds stunned. Yet, it never stops cutting, like a razor...
J: Yeah! Aw, the pumpkin here, she doesn't fuck! Hell no, she makes love! With nothing but the little blue princess of hers! Well, then, what the fuck do you want?! I don't need your pity, Shepard... if that's what you're trying to do! How do you know what the fuck I need? Maybe, if you had a shitty past like mine, you'd just want to fuck now!
It has never been compassion. Shepard feels very close to Jack, she can clearly read what Jack would not want to show to anyone, not even to herself. Shepard sits next to Jack, piercing her eyes into Jack's heart. She talks to her, like nobody had ever done before...
S: It's not matter of pity, Jack, I thought you figured it out! You know, I could write a book about the crappy childhood because, I was on the verge to cross the same line! And, I would've fallen into a world of shit, if it weren't for... a Friend! He found me one night, bleeding in the garbage, down the 74th street. I had a concussion, most of the bones smashed out of me!
They were three motherfucker bastards, all humans, and they got me up against a wall. They were stoned, or drunken, and horny like hogs. They were looking for "new meat" to call it a night! Well, maybe I should have let them do it, keep myself from fighting, but... as I told you, I do not fuck. I was only 15 years old, thin and undernourished. I had not any training other than the one of the streets. I had not eaten for two days, and that night, I lingered to wait for the food dump at the Chinese restaurant, which was usually a good place.
When I realized I had company, I was already surrounded. The fat ass had recognized me. I had smashed the glass of his Skycar that same afternoon. I had stolen 10 fucking credits, and finally, I had a pair of shoes on my feet! However, he was determined to get back at me. All his scum friends wanted to make me pay! So, they tried to rape me, but I bit on them, desperately kicking and punching. I whacked them with all my strength, as I was flailing around, like a snake with a burner on its ass.
So, they started beating me, like they wanted to beat the shit out of me. I tried to resist as much as I could, and I was damn lucky because my hand ended up against the knife handle in one of their pockets. I sank it into a leg, with all the despair I had. Then, into an arm, right after, on the left cheek of one of those fucking bastards.
My blood mixed with tears clouded my vision, as my brain went numb. I thought, if I really had to die, I would have fought until my last breath of life. I had the airflow of a shot in my ears, and barely guessed a dark shadow approaching. I was on the ground everything hurt. I felt like the darkness swallow me, and I blacked out.
Anderson picked me up, and took me to the hospital. He paid my treatments out his own pocket. He came to see me every day for a month. He told me, he had never seen anyone, so hell-bent on surviving.
He was very good with me, but I was not used to the goodness! I could not help but think that he wanted something in return. So, I didn't eat his delicious chocolates, I didn't wear the fresh clothes he gave me, and I didn't talk with him. But above all, I tried so hard not to trust him, not to get attached, because I was sure that sooner or later I'd be screwed.
Instead, I was wrong! Anderson was part of the Alliance. You know, that's curious, at the time, he was a Commander. One day, he asked me if I would like to be a soldier, enter the Academy, to use my talent to do something good. Long story short, he gave me an opportunity to change my life never asked for anything in return.
Well, that's exactly what I'm doing with you Jack! So, you can continue chewing anger, until you lose the fucking last tooth of yours. Or, you can stop being just pissed off, using your talent for something good! I made my choice. I suppose, now you need to do yours!
Jack cannot stop grit her teeth with obstinacy, to banish that wave of tears, which is about to fall. For the first time in her life, she feels like she is not alone! Such a beautiful emotion, and damn painful is beating through her heart all at once. She tries to do her best, to control her voice, but a slight sparkle of emotion, suddenly, it lays bare all the fragility of hers. Jack did not imagine that she could have such sweetness in her voice...
J: Shepard, I... I am sorry! Thanks, Commander. You're not gonna regret this!
Shepard's sympathetic smile gives Jack the faith she needed. The friendly attitude of hers, makes feel Jack as important as she had never been before.
S: I know!
Shepard is in dire need of positive signs to keep hoping. She feels a deep sense of fulfillment in helping Jack. It looks like the glimmer of light she was struggling to see, is becoming brighter. She misses Liara in every single cell of her body. The name of her suddenly invades all her thoughts. Every beat of her heart taken in the storm of love she feels for her. Shepard close her eyes, relishing for a second the lovely memories of her. Before going up the stairs, she stops on her feet, looking at Jack straight in the eye. She is speaking with a command tone now...
S: But, I warn you, Jack, no more drugs! If I find you still high, no matter on a mission or on leave, I'll throw you personally out of my ship via the garbage destination, and that's sure as hell! Do you hear me?!
The slight smirk of Jack barely emerges out of the dim light, as an accomplice glimmer lights her eyes...
J: Aye, ma'am!
... The dream changes again. It takes the form of painful memories. The cabin door closes with a hiss behind her back. Almost immediately followed by a familiar slight thud. Shepard stands still, in the middle of the desolate cabin. Eyes full of rain, the heart suffocated with thorns. Nearly all of her body is sending alarm signals of pain to her limbic system, as a legacy of the terrible clash just over back on Noveria. She is exhausted. Exhausted and torn apart! She turns off the light, does not want to see anything more! The tremendous headache, which haunts her brain, sounds almost a relief, compared to how she feels inside.
Benezia's warp hit Shepard right in her armor breastplate. Her biotic-amp had a slight overload. Which is why, Dr Chakwas disabled it as a precaution. She insisted on Shepard spent the night in sick bay, but the Commander firmly declined the offer. She absolutely needs to be alone. She wants to look her pain in the eye, while it is still warm. Especially as she is not ready to meet Liara. She feels she has no strength enough to bear her gaze.
The uniform of hers is dirty, sweaty. She lets it drop on the ground, with slow movements, and distant, then slips in the shower, like inside a hideaway. She closes her eyes, letting herself be touched by the gentle stream of water. A guilty silence enveloping the room, once again, as she wears her comfortable red pajama, and sits down on the bed. The hand of hers rummages the little backpack into the nightstand, and pulls out the small square mirror, with the frame painted in blue. The word is barely understandable, "Light 20 per cent" The penumbra reveals the mirror in Shepard's hands, large enough, to hold the all of her face. She struggles to look at herself reflected, and all she sees is the face of a monster. The beast who killed the mother of the most important person in her heart, of the wonderful creature that, in the whole universe, she feels closer.
Shame, fear, regret, are states of mind that Shepard has always had real trouble to accept. There is a ferocious rage, which crawls in the night, which lives inside her. Like a devilish prowler, it is devouring her soul, makes it bleed. Shepard's right fist hits unforeseen in the face, once, and twice, and again and again, getting her reflection shattered. The mirror gets broken into dozens of painful splinters, which stick into her hand, make it bleed.
She does not care about the hand, does not pay attention to the physical pain. All she wants is yell against the image of herself, who is staring at her from the mirror, torn into pieces, just like her heart is torn apart in her chest. "Damn you! You're a sick bastard! I hate you, I fucking hate you!" Then, the anger climbs with impudent arrogance up to the throat, and she cannot help but break into tears. Liara's name gently emerges through the sobs. "I'm so sorry! Can you ever forgive me, Liara... my love!? I'm so sorry... so sorry, my love!"
The door buzzer chimes. Shepard snaps on her feet like a spring. A Commander cannot be seen in that state, under any circumstances, and by any member of her crew. Especially when it comes to Liara! "Just a moment!"
When the door opens, Liara stands silently for a moment, as if suspended in the middle of the room. The twilight shines the discomfort in Shepard's gaze, who painstakingly regained her self-discipline. Liara's attention is drawn to the large makeshift bandage that wraps the Commander's hand. She did not remember Shepard was hurt to a hand. Before she can ask for explanations, Shepard's gentle voice flows through the senses of Liara, makes them vibrate with emotion.
S: Come on, sit down!
Liara sits on the bed next to Shepard. Her voice is like a caress of love and sadness merged together.
L: Shepard, I... I couldn't sleep. I was worried about you, about... Us! I need us to face together these terrible events we went through today. I need we find together the strength to go further.
I believe, we need to open our hearts each other... with confidence and sincerity. It's hard for me to accept losing my mother in this way! You know, deep down in my heart, I hoped she would listen to me... that I could really convince her to leave Saren, to come with me... with us! I feel so stupid now, and... it hurts me so much, Shepard! But above all, I want you to know you never stopped being special to me, Shepard... NEVER, not for a second!
Hot tears sparkle in Shapard's eyes. The dim light helps her to hide them, until they start to slide down, flooding her cheeks, like a sad rain of light. She feels Liara's arm tenderly wrapped around her shoulder. The contact with Liara's body overwhelms the senses of both with deep emotions, so pure and intense, to make them shake. Shepard opens her heart to Liara, with a vibrant voice full of painful regret...
S: Liara, I failed! I wasn't equal to the task. I allowed Benezia to attack you, almost killing you! I've not found any other way to stop her... other than kill her! I had to get her back to herself, to... not to be forced to shoot her to death, instead... I... I...
Liara's voice vibrates deeper, slipping into Shepard's soul, like a gentle hand, as it offers her heart an unexpected refreshment. So precious, to make her wince. Liara is determined, but full of sweetness...
L: Shepard, please, don't torment yourself! I was there. I saw you were trying to save her with all your strength! You were forced into this, Commander... we all have been! Benezia would not stop at nothing... not even at her own daughter! The indoctrination was at a non reversible level over her, and she knew it! She would've killed us, Shepard! And, this would've made Saren even stronger! I suppose, with my mother, and a whole army of Rachni, likely unstoppable!
Shepard draws Liara into her arms with vehement sweetness. She holds her tightly to her heart, and lets all her own regret fade away in Liara's arms. They stay silent for a long time, in the tender shelter of that corner of love. They cry together, share their feelings deeply, and tenderly comfort each other.
S: Thanks! You're so special to me, Liara! So... precious. Whatever happens, I would die rather than hurt you again!
L: Oh, Shepard! Don't even joke! I can't imagine a worse pain than seeing you die, I swear!
… Dreams are a special soul dimension, where desires and memories are mixed together, giving birth to a reality new and wonderful. So vivid, intense and important to make the heart beating with real emotions, sometimes.
The time is now. Shepard and Liara are standing, facing each other, next the empty bed. There is no trace of pregnancy in the perception that Liara has of herself because her appearance is the result of a mental projection of Shepard. The sound of the terminals turns in the sweet melody of their favorite song. Their fingers intertwine, making every electric beat, every breath alluring. It is like Shepard's heart began to run into Liara's chest.
S: I love you!
L: Oh, Shepard... I love you too! I miss you so much!
Their lips belong together, transcend the physical universe, go beyond time and space. They lovingly meld, find back in a moment all the wonderful intimacy, which bonds their senses, wrapped with a touch of poetry, in a long breath of eternity.
Their minds touch each other. Thoughts and feelings join, as their identities are mixed together. The memories and emotions are conflated. Their lives belong to each other, insoluble way, as two become one.
Eternity gives them time and space back. Shepard's voice is traveling through the depths of Liara's consciousness. She keeps it within herself, jealously guarded as the most precious of treasures.
S: I don't know where I am, my love, but... I just need to know that you're in here with me!
… Shepard is still, between her bedclothes. Her eyes are closed, her expression is peaceful, as if asleep. The dream is dissolving, carefully put back, in the dark case hidden beneath her closed eyelids. The bright, light blue shines back in Liara's astonished eyes, embroidered with sparkling tears of joy. The excitement is upsetting all the beats in her heart. Liara's fingers are still intertwined with Shepard ones, who has never stopped sleeping.
L: Oh, Shepard! It was... amazing!
Liara squeezes the Shepard's hand, intensely. She picks it up in her own hand, taking it toward her neck. Then, silently lays her cheek on the back of Shepard's hand. The lips of hers tenderly caress Shepard's skin, slowly. She stays for a long time in the comfort of that kiss, immersed in the gentle contact of Shepard's skin, plunged in the heat of her feelings. Until Liara's lips cannot help but unclose in a radiant smile.
L: Oh Emy! You know, I've to tell you something, and... I look forward to it! It's such a beautiful thing, but... we've got to pick our moment! Tomorrow, we will remember about Cronos, and... well, I can't imagine a more perfect moment, indeed! Good night, my Star... I love you!
Liara is very exhausted. When Karin's triumphal smile appears in the wide open doorway, she barely manages to get up. However, she feels too happy not to get new energy, and she can easily drag also Karin into the same deal of thrilling euphoria.
L: Oh, Karin! I can't quite believe it! Shepard had a dream! A very long dream, full of memories, emotions truly lived. I managed to join her in such an incredible mental fusion... exciting beyond my wildest dreams! We could share everything. It was... oh, Goddess! We were merged, Karin, and... Shepard was here in this room, standing in front of me. She spoke to me, said she loves me, doesn't know where she is, but that it doesn't matter because, I'm in here with her. Then... then she kissed me! Oh, it seemed so real, Karin... so intense... so...
Small drops of light swell Liara's eyes of emotion. Tears of sweet expectations are investing her cheeks, hiding her words down her throat, while Karin's hands squeeze on her shoulders in a burst of solace.
K: Hey, come on now, honey. Everything will be fine! This is amazing news, Liara! I just received a reading of Shepard's brainwaves! The brain of hers "just moved!" It seems she is finally reacting to the "memories and emotions therapy." I need to study all these data carefully, but I think I can say we are having a very positive response!
Karin's words are resounding in the heart of Liara, as the sweetest of music. She feels her heart rolling and spinning around, between the chest and the soul, like in a vortex of joy. Liara is out of her breath, and she feels like she cannot wait any longer.
L: Oh, Goddess! Do you think she's waking up?
K: Well, officially it's too early to say, but no doubt, that's a beautiful piece of signal, Angel! However, now you need to sip every last drop of your delicious "invigorating concoction", and then off to bed! I have work to do, and you have to rest.
L: No, Karin, I'm alright! I prefer to stay with Shepard just a little more.
Unfortunately, Karin's answer sounds in an adamant tone.
K: Doctor's orders, my dear. Are we clear?
Liara gets up, and hugs Karin in a burst of friendship, voice filled with gratitude...
L: Aye, Doctor! Oh Karin, I'm so happy!
Karin hugs back Liara, with affectionate sweetness. She can't even begin to tell what storm of emotion is thundering her heart, what a wonderful hope is shaking her voice...
K: Oh, me too, Angel... me too! You have no idea how much!
… Shepard is alone, now. The night reaches her face, it struggles intangible, hidden between her bedclothes. The darkness slowly wraps around her arms, delicate it rests among her honey-colored blond hair. More darkness puts forward sneaking around, mixed in her closed eyes, it expands between her lips, caressing them with every breath.
Shepard is still, between her bedclothes. Her eyes are closed, her expression is peaceful, as if asleep.
It is always night inside of her. The darkness hides everything. The time slips away, marked by the sound of the terminals: regular, boring, always the same. She feels the time accumulate, tireless, one second after another, as an endless flow. She listens to it, stubborn. She never stops doing it because she needs that rhythmic sound, which goes on, endlessly, not to let herself go, not to be lost in the silence. So as to stay joined to her own mind... to behold on her own memories, close to HER... and... on that invaluable promise! "I swear, never again"!
Liara's voice remains entangled with her, every night. Softly sprinkled inside her, in a continuous, comforting echo... "I love you... I miss you... Goodnight my Star... come back soon... I've to tell you something!" Liara's tone, the kindness of hers, the way she feels for her, so deep and boundless, keeps her be focused, more and more absorbed, more present. Every moment, more conscious of herself.
She feels her body. She knows she has one. On the back of her hand, she can still feel the pleasant weight of Liara's lips. The warmth of her breath, the cheek of hers, which presses against her hand. It's a great feeling, and she doesn't want to lose it. She cannot relinquish to. When she focuses so hard, almost she manages to think, to glimpse a distant light. Just a small point of light, at first, scattered in an ocean of darkness, which gradually becomes larger, more intense. Until the darkness dissolves, and she can see the face of Liara, who smiles.
She is so gorgeous, and Shepard feels a burst of Love! ... She cannot let her go, she won't! ... So, she imagines she can talk to her again, to say what she feels for her... "I love you, baby... I love you... I... I'm always coming back... don't be afraid!" The effort is so great that she falls into a deep sleep.
She cannot move, she cannot speak with her voice, not yet, but... she's alive! Now she knows it, she is sure about that, and... she just wants to come back!
To be continued...