XXX Chapter 6: The Elaboration

Patton didn't know what to say to get Remus to calm back down. He didn't know what exactly Remus had observed, so he didn't know if Deceit hurting himself had really been obvious or not. He guessed it wasn't, but he also felt like, had one of the others spent weeks locked in their room, he probably would have found that concerning enough to figure out what was going on. At the same time, though, Deceit was a very private person. He probably spent a lot of time in his room normally, and with the wedding fiasco, Remus might have just thought Deceit wanted to be left alone. And that left Patton feeling conflicted, because he didn't want to condemn Remus, but he also didn't know how to comfort him with anything other than empty reassurances. If he tried to use logic to talk him down, he'd probably end up letting something slip out.

But… Logic…

Patton shot a pleading look toward Logan, even if he felt a little bad about it. Just like logic wasn't his thing, emotions weren't Logan's. And this was certainly an emotional situation. But maybe, trying to remove some of the emotion was what they needed.

Logan sighed, more sad than annoyed, luckily.

"Remus, do you know how long Deceit was locked in his room?"

"I told you I don't keep good track of time!"

"Give me an estimate."

"I don't know, I know it was weeks, but I don't know how many."

"Is it safe to assume that he locked himself in shortly after the trial?"

"Yeah… I mean, it wasn't right after, but pretty close. Maybe a week or two later? Fuck, he was already acting weird before he went into his room…"

"Had he left his room by the time you revealed yourself to Thomas?" Logan brought Remus's attention back to the questions.

"… No. I told him I was going to do it, but he never tried to stop me. He didn't even say anything, so…," Remus responded, gripping his hair tighter at the memories that were being dragged up. "He was still in there for a while after I got back, though."

Logan frowned.

"Alright, so that's… at least two months, most likely."

Two months. Deceit had been locked in his room for two months, at minimum. The wedding was about a month ago. Had it really been over a year since they'd seen Deceit? How much of that time had Deceit spent in his room? Had he eaten during that time? They couldn't really starve, but they could certainly feel the pain of it.

"Fuck…"

"Remus, when you realized he wasn't coming out, did you do anything about it?"

Remus pulled again, hard.

"I tried knocking and talking to him, but he didn't really answer me…"

"Okay, and was there anything else you could have done besides that?"

"I could have broke the fucking door down!"

"Could you have?" Logan asked pointedly. "We can typically stop people from coming into our rooms if we really want to, Remus. Did Deceit usually let you break his door down?"

Remus deflated a little.

"No."

"So, you couldn't have forced him to come out, and he ignored your attempts to persuade him. Is that correct?"

"I… guess so."

At that point, Patton probably should have remained quiet. Remus was listening to logic and calming down, but he couldn't help but feel the pull of a question at the back of his head.

"… Why didn't you ask us for help…?"

Why didn't he? If Deceit had locked himself in his room so long and Remus couldn't get him to leave, why didn't he tell them? They might have been able to figure something out if they'd worked together. Maybe all of this would have been avoided if they'd all been able to help him earlier. After all, Deceit leaving his room clearly hadn't marked the resolution of whatever distress he was in.

Patton's thoughts were cut off by another laugh, this one sharper and far more bitter than before.

"Why would I have asked you for help?!" Remus asked incredulously. "None of you even wanted to help today when I told you he was missing! Are you seriously going to tell me that disappearing isn't serious enough for you to care, but you would have done something if I told you he was in his room?"

"… We would have helped if we knew how serious it was…"

"Would you have?"

The accusation in his tone was as clear as day, but that didn't mean that Patton agreed with it. Sure, maybe they wouldn't have been too concerned if Remus just told them that Deceit was in his room, but if he'd added in that he'd been in his room for two months, they would have taken it more seriously. They would have helped. That morning, when Remus told them that Deceit had disappeared, he'd said that 'he'd been locking himself in his room lately' and 'acting weird'. Patton had been a little worried about it, but he would have been more worried if Remus had explained that he'd meant Deceit spent months locked away and that 'acting weird' was probably symptoms of a serious issue. There was a difference between locking yourself in your room for a few hours, even doing so more than usual, and doing so for literal months.

"I don't think it would be beneficial to argue about this right now. We just need to get the facts of what happened. We can't change what's already been done, but if we know what's going on, we might be able to help Deceit more effectively whenever he wakes up," Logan cut in. "Remus, how did Deceit behave after he left his room?"

Remus shot another glare at Patton, but still opened his mouth to answer the question.

"… Weird."

"Elaborate."

"He just… wasn't acting like himself," Remus explained. "He was, like, pretending to be normal, but he wasn't. He looked tired, and his clothes were wrinkled, and he got angry way faster than usual. And he was really slow and spacey most of the time- like, he'd just start staring off into space until I shook him or something. I… I did try talking to him about it a few times, but he'd just get angry and go back to his room, so I stopped asking. Fuck, I shouldn't have stopped asking…"

Patton recognized the symptoms Remus was describing, since that's exactly what they were. Janus was definitely depressed (as if this situation wasn't confirmation enough of that), and he had been for a while, apparently.

They really should have done something sooner. Even if Remus hadn't thought they would help, they should have offered it. They hadn't seen Deceit in over a year, and they knew he was barely doing his job (when he did it at all). At the very least, that should have tipped them off that something was wrong. Patton didn't agree with Deceit's methods, but if there was one thing he took pride in, it was his work. Deceit had always tried to convince them that their jobs in the Dark Side were important, too, and he'd never let his work suffer like this before. They should have known better, and they should have checked.

And then, Roman spoke up for the first time in a while:

"We're going to have to tell Thomas about this."

Silence.

"We have to," Roman insisted when no one responded. "A big part of Thomas's self-preservation just tried to kill himself, and now he's badly injured. Deceit's passive functions are present like they have been, but a situation like this is probably going to affect Thomas, if it hasn't already. He… He needs to know."

"Deceit wouldn't want us to tell him," Remus retorted sharply.

"Yeah, and I'm sure he didn't want any of us to know," Roman argued back. "He didn't even want you to know. But now we do, and we're way past the point where we should hide this to respect his privacy. This-This is serious."

"I know that," Remus huffed, sounding defeated.

"… Should we tell Thomas, though?" Virgil chimed in, running a hand through his hair roughly. "I mean, Thomas is afraid of Deceit, and it's hard to know how he'll react to this. Telling him might… it might make things worse."

Logan sighed.

"You're right that it's hard to predict exactly how Thomas will react, but Roman is also right in saying that this situation will likely affect Thomas," he said. "With things being as stressful as they have been lately, the news might upset Thomas further, but having no explanation for how he's feeling will also be difficult."

Patton played with the ends of his cat hoodie for a moment before he decided to add his suggestion.

"Maybe… we can wait?" he offered. "Deceit will probably start healing now, right? So, maybe we can wait until he wakes up before we tell Thomas. That way, if he's upset, he'll be able to see that Deceit's okay? If we tell him now, and he's upset about it, all we'll be able to tell him is that Deceit is hurt really badly. There… There really isn't any good news to temper the bad."

He looked at each of the sides, seeing Logan and Roman nod, while Remus and Virgil didn't indicate their opinion either way.

"That sounds like a good idea, Patton," Logan agreed. "It could also give us some time to prepare Deceit for the conversation beforehand."

"… Do you all think he's going to wake up in a few days?" Remus questioned, voice soft and heart-wrenching lay apprehensive. "He isn't healing. He should be healing already, and he isn't. What if he just… doesn't?"

Patton didn't like this. He didn't like seeing Remus like this. He'd say he almost preferred Remus behaving like his bizarre, terrifying self over this quiet, sad man in their living room. This wasn't what Remus was supposed to be, and as the center of Thomas's emotions, his grief was breaking Patton's own heart.

But he'd always been one of the more optimistic sides, right?

"I suppose… we'll cross that bridge if we come to it," Patton replied. "But… I'm sure he'll heal. After all, we've always healed, haven't we?"

He knew his words rang hollow and that everyone could tell there wasn't much conviction behind them. They all knew, himself included, that he couldn't promise anything in this situation. He couldn't make Deceit heal beyond tending to his wounds until they did.

But, not-so-secretly, Patton did think that there was a good chance they'd have to cross that bridge, despite it being his idea to stall in talking to Thomas.

After all, Deceit's cuts hadn't healed, either.

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