Chapter 2 - Timeless

Author's Note: Enjooooy the bonding! :') And yes, things are changing. Slowly but surely.

~ Amina Gila

They hold a memorial ceremony for Fives. It's a thing the clones do ordinarily, a small gathering of the brothers closest to them. Anika's never been to them before, never been invited – and she understands that, because she's not truly one of them, even if they all adore her and respect her – but she knows enough to get the idea of what they're all about. This is… not what she was expecting. She thought there would be a few dozen men there, tops.

She… was not expecting to see hundreds. Most of them are from the 501st, but there are some from other battalions as well. And Fox is there, lingering in the back, radiating feelings of grief, guilt, and regret into the Force strongly enough that she almost goes to him to speak to him. But she doesn't, in the end, because this is about Fives, about remembering and honoring him and his sacrifice. She knows she's here because of their relationship, because of how much they meant to each other, and she's… touched to see how closely Rex and Cody are hovering, and even Jesse, too, as if their presences alone could dispel the pain.

Fox approaches her when it's over, his helmet under his arm, his fingers tracing the edges of it in a way that would betray his nervousness, if she couldn't already feel it in the Force. "General, can I speak with you?" he asks hesitantly.

Anika glances at Rex and Cody, her new shadows, before nodding, taking a few steps away from the assembled so they can have a modicum of privacy. "What is it, Commander?"

"I – I'm sorry," he says, and there's genuine remorse on his face, in his eyes, "About what happened with Fives."

Anika… had not expected that, if she's being honest, and the grief inside her flares sharply when Fives' name is mentioned. "Why?" she questions, after taking a moment to absorb the words, and control her own instinctive reaction to them, one of anger. "Why did you do it?"

"I – I had orders," he admits, shaking his head. "I know it's no excuse; I should have refused to carry them out. I don't… I can't explain why I didn't."

Alarm bells go off in her head, a choking, rising dread building up in her chest, and she has to swallow before she can respond. "What – who gave you those orders?" She doesn't want to ask, but she needs to know, because all she can think of is Fives' words, his warning about the Chancellor, the warning she hadn't been able to listen to, because it was Palpatine who always helped her after she came to the Temple.

Obi-Wan is… he's a good master, but he's her teacher, and that's not what she'd needed at the beginning. She couldn't confide in him about anything, and she never felt comfortable trying to do so after the number of times he shut her down. So, she went to Palpatine instead, or at least she went to him after he started encouraging her to. He helped her process her feelings so many times, helped her express herself when she would otherwise have become closed off and bitter. She's the person she is today because of him, and she'd told him, so many times, about Fives, about how close they are, though she never divulged the specifics. She talked about her clones, her best friends, and he'd listened to her, as always.

But – but – this –

Fox looks away. "The Chancellor told me to deal with Fives," he answers quietly. "He told me that Fives was dangerous and couldn't be trusted, that he would undoubtedly try to seriously harm someone, so I should use lethal force." He breathes out shakily, and when he meets her eyes, they're haunted. "I'm sorry."

The words wash over her, trailing ice down her spine. She wants to rage and scream. She wants to burn down the galaxy over this betrayal. She wants – she wants –

(She wants Fives back. She wants him to hold her, comfort her, whisper to her teasingly, joking about how she could have ever truly believed he could die, because he's not going to leave her side. She misses him with a furious passion, a desperate longing.

She remembers, back at the beginning, shortly after they'd come together, how he'd joked that he would never go anywhere that she isn't. "I'll be here as long as you'll have me," he'd teased with a lightheartedness and crooked smile that was all Fives. It hurts to remember it, and it hurts to even think about how he's now gone.

You're not here, she wants to say, And I can't follow you, Fives, because that would mean leaving everyone else behind when they need me, too. I became a better person because of you, but I don't know how to carry on now that you're gone.

The Mando'a words come back to her, the refrain repeated during the memorial ceremony. Nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la. Not gone, merely marching far away. It's bitter comfort when her love is… not here, and the pain of their separation is far more acute than it has ever been in the past. And it's not going to end. This is – this is forever. This is her forever now.)

Anika wants to give in to her anger, but… it would mean nothing in the end. The Chancellor, the one person she thought she could trust with anything, had her lover, her husband, gunned down for absolutely no reason. It crystallizes in her mind, a solid certainty: Palpatine is hiding something. He would not have had Fives killed if he hadn't stumbled onto something, something huge.

"There's a sinister plot in the works against the Jedi. I have proof of it."

Fives died looking into it, and she can only guess why, her heart beating traitorously, because she knows him. She knows how protective he is, and she knows that he would have thrown himself into the fire for her if he thought he had to. And maybe he did have to. Maybe his sacrifice was just that: a sacrifice for her, his way of protecting her from a conspiracy that he unearthed.

She loves him for it, but she hates him a little, too, because he's not here, and she needs him.

She needs him.

(Fives was never excessively sappy, but he could be, at times, if the occasion called for it. They talked sometimes, whispering sweet nothings to each other, touching each other with gentle, loving touches, conveying the depths of their love in a way that words never fully could. "You're it for me," he'd told her once, curled around her in their bunk – theirs because he usually stayed with her at night when he wasn't on duty. "You're the only one I want, the only one I need."

It had been so new to both of them, their feelings, their love. They had never been in love before each other, before they grew closer. She never wanted anyone other than Fives once she realized what her feelings were, and he was the same with her.

It was supposed to be forever.)

Instead of getting angry, she shuts down. Her hands clench, grief and sorrow and longing and white-cold fury crashing around inside her, and she goes cold. "I see," she says, and it's almost scary how neutral she sounds. How dead. "Thank you for telling me, Fox."

He meets her eyes, and Anika doesn't know what he sees there, but he nods, almost seeming relieved as she turns and walks away, Rex and Cody following.

Cody waits until they're out of earshot before swearing in a mixture of Mando'a and Huttese, cursing out the Chancellor. "How could he do that?" he demands, stung. "He's the Chancellor. He's supposed to support the Republic, and if – if Fives was right –"

"I'm not sure Fives was wrong," Rex agrees quietly, looking between Cody and Anika. "I think there's far more going on than we know."

Jesse approaches them, then, and they leave the conversation at that, though there's an unspoken agreement that it will continue at a later point in time.

The first thing Anika does when she returns to her quarters is delete Palpatine's personal comm frequency from her comm, then blocking it for good measure. He won't be able to contact her outside of official channels. But that's fine. Anika has no intention of going to see him ever again, not after what he did. He killed Fives, maybe not directly, but he killed him all the same, and she will never, ever forgive him for it.

Jesse invites her to the barracks to join the rest of the boys there when that night cycle comes. Anika is a little hesitant at first, because she's been there, of course, but never – not like this. But she still goes, because being alone in her quarters is even worse, and there's only so long she can hide out in Rex's office every night before he tattles on her to Kix.

It seems strange to sleep with the boys, to join in on their cuddle piles. When they're on leave, they do it all the time. They're very physically affectionate with each other, touching frequently. It was something that Fives did, too, with her, and she had… enjoyed it. She's always liked physical touch, and it was… comforting to get it from him when she never got it from the Jedi. Sure, it wasn't strictly banned at the Temple, but it was still very much discouraged.

The clones are discouraged from getting too close with each other, because they're soldiers, and it's so easy to lose a brother, but they are still close in their own ways. It's common for them to pat one another on the shoulder or back or throw an arm around another in a half-hug. It's their love language, their way of expressing affection and closeness with each other.

Their cuddle piles are a part of it, too, and she just – she never thought she'd ever be included in them, never thought about the possibility even, never really… wanted to be. But she's definitely not turning down the chance now. It will be comforting to be surrounded by people she trusts while she sleeps. They can't replace Fives – no one can – but they can all share their grief together.

It… is a little awkward at first, but Jesse is quite insistent, and he bullies Rex into the spot next to Anika, while Cody settles in on her other side. They end up talking for a while, all of them, swapping stories about Fives and other topics, and just… bonding. It's nice. It's comforting.

And for the first time since – since it happened, the hole in Anika's heart doesn't feel quite as gaping.

**w**

That night, Anika dreams.

She knows it's a dream, because the world in front of her has the hazy surrealness that all dreams do, no matter how real it feels. She can smell the freshness of the grass all around her, the humid warmth of nature as rain pours down onto the ground, soaking her. But strangely, she's not cold, no matter how wet she feels, no matter how her hair and clothes stick to her body.

"And here you are," he teases. Anika can hardly dare to breath as Fives' hand slips up her arm, finally resting on her shoulder. She turns her head to look at him. His expression is wry, a half-smile on his lips.

More than anything, she wants to press close to him and never let go. "This is only a dream," she whispers, because his loss is too vivid, and she can't escape from it, even in her sleep. "It's not real."

Fives quirks an eyebrow at her. "Hm." He tilts his head back, letting the rain beat down on his face. "Seems real to me."

"I miss you," she croaks, throwing herself into his arms, burying her face against his shoulder. His body glove – it's all he's wearing here – is wet, too, but she doesn't mind, breathing in the scent of him, so fresh and real. If she didn't know better, she might say this wasn't just a dream.

"I know, cyar'ika," he murmurs, carding his fingers through her wet hair. "I know. I didn't want this for you. It – I… when we first… talked, this is what I feared. You're a Jedi. You have a power that no clone can ever imagine. It was always more likely to be me who was lost." The rain picks up, as if sensing the wave of grief that crashes over her and responding to it.

Anika swallows, closing her eyes and letting herself feel the strength of his arms around her. She'll never feel it again, and it aches. We had a plan, a promise, a dream, she wants to say, I don't know how to keep fighting if I don't have that anymore.

"I'm sorry," Fives says, as if he reads her thoughts. She lifts her head to look at him, and there's regret in his eyes. Sadness. Distantly, she wonders why her mind would envision him like this, why she would… see him as he would be after – after. He feels so real to her, though, and if she tries hard enough, she can almost feel the warmth of his Force signature curling against her own. "I'm sorry that you're hurting, that I can't be there for you. I'm sorry that… this happened."

She exhales shakily, blinking away the blurriness of her vision. "It's okay," she whispers, resting her head on his shoulder. "I'll be okay. I have the boys. I'm not… alone."

"I know. They'll take care of you." Fives' voice is accepting, but she can still feel his regret. His resignation. "I – do you trust me?"

"With my life, my heart, and my soul," she answers immediately. "You know I would have done anything for you."

Fives chuckles, tightening his grip around her, holding her close. "Then how do you feel about a little light treason?"

"I – what?" she splutters, pulling back enough to look at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Tup… There's a conspiracy," he explains, expression tightening, "But I think you're already planning to look into it, aren't you?"

For the first time since it happened, Anika can feel herself smile. It's tired, but still unmistakably there. "Of course."

Fives nods. "But that's not what I really need to tell you." His expression sobers. "Anika, I need you to find Echo for me."

…

"Trust me," Fives says, an intensity in his gaze, as he reaches for her hand, threading their fingers together. "Find Echo, An'ika. Please. You two can help each other."

"He's – he's dead, Fives, like you," she says, uncomprehending.

He smiles slightly, but it's bitter. "Just find him," he says, before leaning closer, brushing their lips together. Maybe he's just trying to distract her, and normally, she wouldn't let him, but she doesn't care right now, sliding her fingers through his dark curls, kissing him desperately, fiercely, pouring every ounce of the love she has for him into it. If she never gets a chance like this again, she'll make the most of this one. It's a goodbye kiss, as if a part of her knows that this is realer than she wants to believe.

Fives' arms wind around her, hugging her close, pressing his body against hers.

The rain pours down around them, but she doesn't feel cold. She feels cleansed, the weight of her grief lifting a little, settling into bitter resignation and acceptance.

Fives is gone, and no force in the galaxy can bring him back to her.

**w**

Even after Anika wakes up, she can't get Fives' words out of her head. Find Echo for me. They repeat in her mind, over and over, and she doesn't – she doesn't understand it. Echo is dead. Gone. He died at the Citadel. She and Fives both saw it. Why did – why was Fives, in her dream, telling her find him?

(Was it really just a dream?)

But she can't focus on that, when she still has very real problems that need her attention. Starting with the conspiracy Fives talked about. A little light treason, he had said. She would do that, and more, for him, to make sure his sacrifice wasn't in vain.

She will not let Fives have died for naught. If there's something to uncover, she will uncover it.

It's a week after his… death when she calls together a meeting of Rex, Cody, Kix, and Fox. They gather in her room in the Temple because it seemed like the safest place to be. She sets up a jammer to block any outside interference, settling herself on her cot, next to the crate where she's put Fives' armor and weapons. Technically, she shouldn't have it, because it's Republic property, but really, the Republic can go kriff itself. Fives was hers, and he was a person. He deserved to be more than a slave soldier of the Republic.

(Yes, she is bitter about how the clones are a slave army, and no, she will never be able to let it go, so long as they're still enslaved.)

She sits there, staring down at Fives' helmet until the four arrive, when she places it lightly atop the crate, the shrine to her fallen cyar. Maybe he's gone, but his spirit is alive with them.

"Fives –" They all pretend that her voice doesn't waver on his name, "– Told Rex and I about a conspiracy involving the clones," Anika tells the four. "The official report states that he went insane after removing his chip, because it's meant to lower the clones' inherent aggressive tendencies. But I don't believe that."

"Do you trust me?"

Fives' voice whispers in her mind, and she can almost feel him at her side, touching her shoulder, a steady, supportive presence. He was fierce, protective. He was a good soldier, one of the best soldiers. He helped Rex design battle tactics and strategies that they used on the fronts. There's a reason that the 501st is considered one of the best, if not the best group of clones out there, and it's largely thanks to Rex and Fives, and once upon a time, Echo, too.

She still remembers, vividly, a mission once, shortly after they'd come together, when she and Fives had gone scouting. They'd been separated from the rest of the team, and instead of going back, had decided to go on ahead, after comming Rex to let him know what happened. They'd stumbled onto an ambush, which Anika had suspected. There'd been two squadrons of droids waiting for them, and they'd been spotted before they could retreat.

Together, working in sync in a way that she's only ever managed so flawlessly with Obi-Wan, they had taken them down, covering each other. She'd been terrified that Fives would be hurt, but she'd also been determined. So had he. She wouldn't have done him the dishonor of asking him to stay out of the fight, so they'd charged in together. It had been… thrilling, and in the aftermath, when all the droids had been gone, they'd just looked at each other and laughed, still caught up in the high of the battle.

… They'd both been a little insane and in love back then.

Probably, Rex had been right to yell at them both for half an hour once he caught up.

"He believed that the inhibitor chips could be used to force clones to do anything, even against their will," Rex adds grimly. "If he's right… well, if he's right, this goes all the way to the top."

Cody and Kix exchange looks, both obviously worried, and Fox, surprisingly, pales, muted shock flaring into the Force. "What is it?" Anika asks him gently, a feeling of dread curling in her gut.

He glances away for a moment, visibly trying to recollect himself. "It's – it's true," he manages, voice strained. "I have – there have been… things… and I – I thought –" He exhales shakily, scrubbing his face. "– I had orders," he says quietly, "And good soldiers follow orders, right? But it – it was wrong, but we were… we're supposed to support the Republic, and I don't – I don't know…"

Anika meets Rex's eyes, an unspoken understanding passing between them. The Chancellor. "Was killing Fives one of those orders?" she queries, not unkindly. If – if Fox is telling the truth – and he is; she can feel it – then they need to proceed with caution, while also keeping in mind that everything may not have fully been his choice.

He looks defeated. "Yeah. It made sense, at the time, until – until after… and I couldn't – I can't undo that, and I just – I don't know."

Cody reaches out, clasping Fox's shoulder. "We'll figure it out, vod, I promise."

Anika seconds that promise with all her heart. They need to be careful, very careful, but if they can save the clones from an enslavement that's even worse than the one they're already enduring, it will be worth it. It will be worth it if she can free the vode from the Republic, even if she has to commit treason to do so.

Palpatine knew what he was doing this whole time, didn't he? He – he's up to something. He wants something from her… doesn't he? It – she doesn't want to think badly of him, because he was always so good to her, but he killed Fives. Even though he knew how much the clone meant to her. That – there's no excuse for that. He can't justify that by claiming he overreacted, and if – if what Fox is saying is the truth… there's a very high chance that Palpatine is very, very aware of the true purpose behind the inhibitor chips, and that he's already using them to his benefit.

"There's a sinister plot in the works against the Jedi. I have proof of it."

"Organic chips, built into our genetic code to make us do whatever someone wants, even kill the Jedi."

"I don't know to what extent. But I know he orchestrated much of this."

Is that it, then? Does Palpatine, for some unfathomable reason, want the Jedi dead?

Does –

Too many questions, and no answers, but Anika isn't alone. She will continue what Fives started, and she will see it through to the end. She will not fail. She cannot afford to fail. The lives and freedom of millions of men are dependent on her.

There is a certain sort of relief to having a mission. She needed a… She needed something, something to focus on and devote herself to. It can't undo the ache and pain of Fives' loss, but it gives her something, at least. This is what Fives would have wanted, and she takes solace in that.

May the Force be with them all.

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