Chapter 3 - Eyayah
Author's Note: There are some... revelations in this chapter. ;)
~ Amina Gila
"I – what?" Anika splutters, staring wide-eyed at Kix. "That's not possible. Are you certain?"
He looks amused. And also annoyed. "General, I wouldn't have told you if I wasn't one hundred percent certain. You are pregnant."
She looks down at herself, as if she could somehow see the child growing in her womb. Which is stupid, because it can't have been there for long, or she would have sensed it. As it is, the only reason she came to Kix in the first place was because she felt… weird. She felt something off about herself in the Force, and she went to him, just in case there was something there that she wasn't noticing.
And that is how she ended up with the most unexpected news she could ever have gotten.
Pregnant.
Pregnant.
With Fives' child.
Force.
It was what they dreamed of, having children, but the timing is less than ideal, especially with the start of the Outer Rim Sieges. But it means that there's still something left of Fives, that he's not totally gone. He lives on in his child, too, a child he'll never get to meet.
She feels a flare of grief and pain at that, just as sharp as on the day she held Fives in her arms as he died. He should have been here. He deserved to be here.
Even after half a month, she still… she can't quite wrap her mind around the fact that he's really gone. Some days, it doesn't seem real. Some days, she almost forgets when she wakes up until reality returns. But some days, she wakes up, almost crying, longing for the other half of her who she'll never see again.
Anika reaches up, fingering the necklace around her neck absently. "How far along?"
"I know very little about human reproduction," Kix answers matter-of-factly, "But if I had to guess, I would say a little over a month."
… Oh.
That would probably have been shortly after Ahsoka… left.
It… would make sense. She and Fives had grieved when Ahsoka left – her, Fives, and Rex all had. They'd spent some time together, time with just the two of them. Maybe they should have been more careful, but Anika doesn't really care. She can't regret it, even if the timing isn't good. She could never regret having a child with Fives.
(She had grieved for the loss of their dream almost as much as Fives himself. The hope that she could be a mother to a child of her own had been dear to her, and realizing that it could never happen, since she could never replace Fives with anyone, had been gutting.
She had wanted it, a life outside of everything else. She'd wanted to be a mother, to raise a child. She'd wanted to stay at home, to care for a house they built for themselves, tending to a garden, maybe, cooking meals for them. Maybe it just reminded her of her own mother, of the closeness and life they had on Tatooine, because no matter how hard it had been to be slaves, they'd still had each other.
Anika wanted that with Fives, to have a life where they could just have each other and be content with something… simple. She wanted it more than she could ever say and knowing that they would never have their own house, that she would never raise their children, teach them to walk, to talk, to – to be good people, it had hurt.)
She chews on her lower lip nervously. "How long do I have before I start showing?"
Kix frowns. "I'm not sure. A couple months, max, I would say." That probably makes sense, but it's not like she knows, either, exactly. All she does know is that she has six months to figure something out and get her life in order, because when the baby is born six months from now, she'll be expelled from the Order.
And she needs to ensure the clones' safety first.
"Okay," she says, nodding, "Okay, we'll figure something out. I'll tell Rex and Cody, and we'll… figure something out. I'll be fine." Because she can see the worry in Kix's eyes, even if he tries to hide it. He's worried about her, about what might happen to her, and it touches her deeply.
"I trust you," is all he says. He doesn't want to hope, because it's hard, but this is Kix, and he's always been so – so optimistic and positive. He doesn't get angry easily. He's good-natured, even if he's strict and fierce when it comes to protecting his family and keeping everyone safe and healthy.
"What's happening with… the Operation?" she asks, deliberately being vague. They've developed an entire system of codewords and phrases so they can hide the truth of what they're doing. It's better to be safe, even if it's unlikely anyone will actually figure out before they've made decent headway.
"I'll send you a written report tonight," Kix replies, and when he says written, he means that literally. They've been communicating either verbally or on flimsi when they can't be together. "Better than I hoped. It's time for us to plan our next course of action."
And that means it's time for them to call another meeting.
But hopefully after she's had time to discuss the newest news with Rex and Cody; they'll definitely have Opinions, and she doesn't fancy facing down their overprotectiveness in front of an audience.
That night, Anika dreams again.
She dreams of a young woman with her curly blonde hair, and Fives' brown eyes, dressed in Mandalorian armor, a blue lightsaber in her hands, at the head of an army of both Mandalorians, including clones, and Jedi alike. It's only a glimpse of an image, but it resonates with the same surety and promise of this will happen as all her visions do.
"Isn't she something?" Fives whispers to her, his arms sliding around her waist as he rests his chin on her shoulder.
And Anika blinks to find them perched precariously in the support rafters of the hangar bay of the Tribunal. This was a place where Fives started going after – after Echo. He would hide here, sometimes for hours, as he struggled to cope. Anika began to follow him, at times, when she felt he could use the company, and then, one time…
Well, their first kiss was here. It just happened.
They'd been talking, she doesn't even remember what about, and she'd thrown an arm around his shoulders playfully. He'd looked at her, eyes glinting with amusement and affection, and then, he'd leaned in and kissed her. It was light, hesitant, and he'd almost instantly panicked, spluttering apologies. When she'd finally silenced him and assured him that she wasn't upset, that she hadn't minded, they had… talked. First, they thought to wait until after the war ended to start anything, but then…
It hadn't really worked out.
Not that Anika could ever regret it.
"Mm," she agrees, half smiling as the vision of their daughter flashes through her mind again. "She'll be amazing. She'll be just like you."
"She'll be just like you," Fives disagrees, kissing her neck. "Strong. Powerful. Beautiful. Amazing." His voice trails off, and Anika blushes.
"She'll be like both of us," she offers, leaning back into his embrace, twisting so she can somewhat see his face. He's smiling, and he tilts his head to kiss her briefly.
"Of course, she will be." They sit there in silence for a few moments, and Anika feels herself relaxing into Fives' arms. "I'll watch over you, both of you, as long as I can. I love you," he finally whispers, stroking a stray hair back from her face.
"Forever and beyond," she promises instantly, feeling a sudden pang of sadness at the realization that she'll never have this exchange with anyone again.
… Okay. Maybe the two of them are just the tiniest bit sappy.
"Forever and beyond," Fives echoes, and she knows he means it.
**w**
The overprotectiveness that Rex and Cody show Anika after they learn of her pregnancy is almost exhausting. They don't baby her by any means, or treat her as incapable or an invalid, but they're still so protective. Rex even went so far as to have someone shadowing her at all times, just to make sure she's safe.
She appreciates it, but it's… exhausting, too.
"What did you want to talk to me about?" she asks once the door has closed, leaving her and Rex alone. He's radiating nervousness and anxiety, as well as hope and desperation, and it's been a long time since Anika has seen him this shaken up about anything. The battles on Anaxes have been dragging on for weeks now, nearly a month, almost ever since she learned of her pregnancy, and they're rapidly losing.
Rex just came back from an excursion behind enemy lines with a group of clones, and he'd come straight to her, asking to speak to her alone.
"I suspected something was… amiss with the Separatist's plans," he explains, fidgeting with his helmet, "And I – I got confirmation that…" He trails off, meeting her eyes. "Echo is alive, Anika."
In private, they call her by name. She's one of them, a sister, and they treat her as such, as an equal. She didn't realize how much she wanted it until they started doing it.
"What?" she splutters, "How is that even possible?"
Rex shakes his head. "I don't know, but the algorithm they're using to predict our moves is – it sounded human, and it identified itself as CT-1409 when asked. It's him. I know it."
Normally, she would disagree with him, calling it misplaced hope, even if she would trust his judgment and still investigate, but suddenly, all at once, she remembers the strange, vivid dream she'd had of Fives shortly after – after his death.
"Find Echo for me."
She thought it was just a dream. Now, she wonders if Fives' spirit was communicating with her from beyond. It had felt so real…
"Where is he?" she asks.
"Skako Minor," Rex replies. "I wanted to let you know first before giving the report."
Anika gives him a grim smile. "Let's go bring him home."
It strikes her, at all once, how surreal this whole situation is. Echo, the brother they thought dead, is alive, while his twin, who survived him, is now dead. But even death hasn't been able to stop Fives. It seems nothing can. Death certainly hasn't stopped him from watching over her, and all of them, from beyond the grave, and it sends a pang of emotion through her. Fives is watching over them, protecting them, and it's… strange, because that was always her role.
She always watched over him when he was still here.
Now, it's the reverse.
A breeze ruffles her hair as they walk from the barracks to the command center, and she could swear that she hears Fives laugh in her ear. Did you really think death could keep me from you? We have a forever, cyar'ika.
She almost smiles when she hears it, choosing to believe it's really him she's hearing, and not her own mind coming up with the words he's most likely to say, no matter how bittersweet it is to think of him protecting her, even now. Of course, if anyone could defy death to protect the living, it would be Fives. He always was stubborn.
Rex gives his report, and Anika makes a request to the Council that they be allowed to follow the signal and find out more about the algorithm that the Separatists have been using against them. She knows that, with how hard the war is, they'll probably be turned down, which is why she's not planning to wait. Going after Echo is the right thing to do, and they can't take the chance that the Separatists will use him to take Rex – or even her – out of the equation entirely.
Besides, they cannot afford to lose Anaxes.
"Word is the general staff isn't completely behind this mission," Hunter says casually – he's the sergeant of Clone Force 99, the group of clones who Cody specially called in to help with the mission; they'd been there when Rex, Cody, Jesse, and Kix snuck behind Separatist lines, and now, they'll be accompanying them to Skako Minor to get Echo.
"I admit the idea that Echo is still alive is a long shot," Rex admits.
"I'm sure the Council will approve the mission," Anika volunteers, as they walk across the landing platform outside the main Republic base on Anaxes, even though she doesn't actually think that. "Just remember the primary goal is to learn how the Separatists are predicting our strategy, whether it's Echo behind it or not." But it is Echo – she's sure of it.
Fives' find Echo for me is still ringing in her head, now that she has confirmation Echo might be alive. She can't forget his words, or the meaning behind them. If Echo is alive, it means they left him behind, and a part of her can't help but wonder what might have happened if Echo hadn't been lost at the Citadel. But then, there's no use wondering about what ifs – it changes nothing.
"Well, if you want my opinion, sounds like a trap, but me and the boys will tag along anyway, if only to say 'I told you so.'" Hunter replies.
There's a certain hint of recklessness to him, an immaturity that betrays how young he is. It's wrong. He's a child in so many ways – they all are, really – and Anika is not fond of how the Republic has a slave army of child soldiers. (Sometimes, she struggled with her guilt over the knowledge that she was a part of the problem, a part of the system that kept Fives enslaved, as well as the rest of her boys. It troubled her, the idea that, legally, Fives was her slave. It felt… wrong, but then, half the time, she feels like a slave to the system, too, so it hadn't mattered.)
"Just make sure you're ready if we get the go-ahead from General Kenobi," Anika replies, though she wants nothing more than to just leave.
"We?" Rex echoes, turning to face her. "Are you sure you should come? It'll be very dangerous, and I doubt we'll get backup."
She sighs, because she should have guessed that his protective instincts would kick in. "I'll be fine, Rex," she tries to reassure. "We've been in worse tight spots."
His expression only tightens. "But it's not the same anymore, Anika."
Though she's not looking at Hunter, she can feel his flicker of surprise in the Force, at the casual use of her first name. "We'll be fine," she offers, one hand instinctively touching her abdomen before she lets it fall away, conscious of the eyes on her.
"I – I know you're capable, vod, but…" Rex trails off, shaking his head, "If you're sure."
She touches his shoulder. "Perfectly. Now, I want to check on Cody before we leave. Would you go with me?"
"Of course, I'll come," Rex answers.
"I'll be waiting on the ship with the rest of the team," Hunter tells him, stepping away. Anika nods to him, catching the look of curiosity in his eyes, though he doesn't ask any of the many questions he must be thinking.
As Anika and Rex walk away, towards the medbay, her thoughts turn back to Fives. He would have wanted to be here. Echo was his brother, his twin, and they were so, so close. "I… had a dream, awhile back," she says quietly as they walk. "Fives… talked to me. He told me to find Echo. I thought it was just a dream, at the time."
Rex gives her a knowing look. "And you don't now." It's not a question, but she can hear the underlying question in his words.
"I – the Jedi teach that people become one with the Force after they die, that they don't retain their individuality, but – but it was him, Rex, I know it."
"It does sound like him," he replies dryly. "Of course, he would continue to haunt us."
Anika could swear that she hears Fives laughing at them.
They leave as soon as Anika confirms that Cody will make a full recovery, and once he's chewed her out for her reckless plan of going after Echo – not that it would deter her anyway. She'll do anything for Fives, and she feels a certain sense of guilt at the possibility that they may have left Echo behind for dead – and that he survived and has been held prisoner for so long. He deserves better. Fives deserved better. It feels as if she could have spared Fives all the pain and grief he endured if she had just… something. Anything. She's their general. She should have done better, protected them.
Obi-Wan tries to stop them, but she manages to get away before he can tell her whatever it is, precisely, that the Council thinks.
They go to Skako Minor on the ship belonging to Clone Force 99, the Havoc Marauder. She talks to them on the way a little, getting to know them better.
"I didn't know Jedi used blasters," Hunter says as Anika hands Crosshair's rifle back to him – she'd been inspecting it, because she's never used one before; they're not very common, and Crosshair's is specially modified.
Her hand drifts to the DC-17 hand blaster on her left hip. She's been carrying it with her, even if she doesn't use it often, ever since… they lost Fives. It makes her feel better to have something of his with her at all times, and the necklace doesn't count. "Most don't," she answers, pulling the blaster from its holster and spinning it in her hands, tracing the '5' that had been painstakingly engraved into the grip.
"It's an enchantment," Fives told her with a straight face, though his eyes had been laughing. "It'll make sure no droids can escape my shots on the front. It'll bring me good luck."
"It's not… mine," she adds quietly, stroking a thumb over the '5' before sliding it back into the holster. She likes to believe that it'll bring her good fortune and make her successful in her missions. Obviously, she knows it's impossible, but just – having a piece of Fives with her, something he used to use, is comforting. Grounding. Reassuring. It makes her feel as though he's at her side, watching over her and the boys.
Maybe that's been truer than she's realized.
The grief strikes her again, stealing away her ability to breathe, leaving her aching and empty. Even the knowledge that his spirit is never far isn't enough to keep her from longing. It isn't enough to keep away the pain that dogs her every step.
The Bad Batch, as they call themselves, are so chaotic. Fives would have loved them. He would have fit right in and adopted every single one of them, making them permanent members of the 501st. It – the galaxy probably wouldn't have survived their meeting, but Anika doesn't care. She would have been right there with them, at the center of the chaos.
(Probably, she should feel worse about the fact that it would have been Rex and Cody who would try and drag them out of the mess they inevitably would get themselves into.)
From the look on Hunter's face, he wants to ask her, but he doesn't, maybe out of respect, or maybe because he can sense how fresh of a wound it still is. Either way, she appreciates it.
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