"The battles of life are not won by the strongest or the fastest, but by those who never give up."

Unknown

Remus, although death still hung over his head, as did the losses he had endured in his life, had some semblance of happiness in this month of December 1977. However, he had forgotten that this month also meant family. He wouldn't really have to worry about that, most of the students were going home for the holidays, but it was with a twinge of sadness that he thought about his Christmases with his parents, the marauders, the order and Dora. At least he would be so busy with the full moon, which was on the twenty-fifth, that he wouldn't be so aware of this time of year.

Lost in his thoughts, Remus saw that he should have already started his class five minutes earlier. He rushed to his room and saw the Gryffindor and Slytherin seventh years waiting, more or less patiently. Hermione gave him a questioning look, but Remus paid no attention to it, he hated being late for his classes, he couldn't possibly deduct points from students who arrived late, if he himself wasn't on time. It was against his principles. He quickly excused himself and began his lesson. Since the incident with Hermione at the beginning of the year during the duels, he had avoided doing it again, at least with this class. It was safer. He had taught them a lot of theory but they would have to practice if they wanted to progress. Remus implored the founders to make sure that everything went well and that no student ended up in the infirmary again.

"Today we're going to work on unspoken spells. You will pair up and practice casting defensive and offensive spells. White magic only," he finished with a knowing glance at a few students. "It was on the sixth year curriculum, but I hear your teacher wasn't very competent and you've done very little practice."

Hermione had never asked Remus about the Defence Against the Dark Ones teachers he'd had, though, like her, he'd never had more than two years in a row. He must have had a lot of stories to tell her about them.

"To say the least! He was an incapable jerk!"

"Thank you Mr Black. Go two by two. Remember, it's not that hard. Concentrate on the spell and your wand. Visualise the spell in your head."

The students obeyed and tried to cast spells, albeit simple ones, without much success.

"Whispering a spell is not the same as casting it without saying anything, Miss McDonald."

Hermione turned to Mary, who was trying to cast a spell on Dorcas, whispering it. Dorcas looked desperate as Mary gave her most innocent smile to her defence teacher. Remus held back a small laugh and went to look at the other groups. He saw Hermione and Snape duelling. They had mastered the unspokens, probably better than he had, but what was most surprising was that they were fighting with spikes. Remus had never seen Snape like this, he seemed almost happy, almost, -it was still Snape after all- to have found an opponent from his temple to fight. They both had a few minor cuts on their faces, but their wizard's robes were already quite torn. They were stringing together spells at an almost surreal speed, though Remus didn't really believe in realism anymore, he was a time traveller by Merlin! Most of the students had stopped, admiring the spectacle before them. The end of class sounded, but it was the last hour of class for most of the students so they stayed in the room. Snape was very good, excellent even. But after half an hour of fighting, he was getting tired and Hermione, who was over-trained compared to him, disarmed him.

Hermione grinned at him and Snape stood in awe of that smile. She had managed to disarm him, which was a considerable feat, he was one of the best at Hogwarts at duelling, but she dared to taunt him with a big smile!

"I told you Sev', I always win my duels."

The students gradually came out at the end of the fight. The marauders laughed at Snape, but the icy look Lily gave James made them quickly leave. The green and silver looked at Hermione strangely, even more so than during her outburst, which was an understatement. She had managed to disarm Snape! The feat of the month! Hermione handed her wand back to Severus, who when the classroom was empty stopped glaring at her.

"How did you do it? You beat me!"

"I warned you. I never lose a duel."

"Is this about your ring?"

Remus choked on his saliva as he heard Snape say this. Hermione had told him about her ring? That was against Hel Hogwarts' guidelines. He glared at Hermione but the witch didn't answer him.

"Not this time, I don't owe my mastery of the unspokens to me alone. And to those who taught me. And to-, no, he didn't teach me anything in this kind of fight."

Not this time, what did she mean? Remus was starting to panic. He held back a sigh of relief when Snape finally emerged from the room. He threw an informal reassurance, related to the class, and turned sharply to Hermione.

"You told Snape about the ring?"

"Hey, calm down, please."

"Answer me, did you tell him or not?"

"It's more complicated than that."

Hermione then launched into a great monologue about her relationship with Severus and what had happened in the Room on Requirement. Remus listened intently and barely restrained himself from interjecting.

"-Are you friends with Snape?"

"Is that all you remember? And no, we're not friends, that's too strong a term."

"Your aim is off to a good start then, all that's missing is you approaching Black."

Looking at Hermione's face, Remus saw that she had failed to tell him something again.

"I didn't mean to hide it from you, I just forgot to tell you."

Hermione told again about her strange discussion with Regulus Black. This time Remus only listened with one ear, thinking at the same time.

"Rem', are you listening to me?"

"Not really, I was wondering how much more you've been hiding from me since we got here, or even who knows? Before we got here.

"I haven't kept anything else from you." '

Remus stared into Hermione's eyes and was surprised at the blue look in her eyes. It wasn't just determination or coldness, there was also a deep terror. It was as if Hermione was afraid he would find out what she was hiding. It was then that Remus saw that Hermione was hiding a deep secret, much more than a small relationship between classmates. Her terror was so well hidden, Remus had never noticed it. But now he knew, he would find out what Hermione was hiding, he promised himself.

Hermione quietly left the Room on Requirement and headed out of the castle. She arrived at her meeting point and waited for the person who was to meet her. He was ten minutes late, which annoyed her quite a bit. Punctuality was the least she could do. A little voice in her head whispered to her that she was not always on time during her discussions with Remus. She shook her head as if to dismiss the thought and looked at her watch. It might be strange but even if she could cast a spell to tell the time, there was no substitute for an old watch. She had told her parents about this witchy tradition the summer before she turned seventeen. Her parents were keen for her to join the wizarding world and were happy to give it to her. She liked the watch very much and hadn't taken it off since she forgot about them, less than a year after the gift. Hermione was not very fond of jewellery, except for the time ring and her two other rings, but this watch was very important to her. It linked the Muggle world and the magical world, the past and the future.

Hermione was lost in thought when Regulus Black came up to her.

"At last! Did you think that's all I had to do? You're fifteen minutes late Black!"

Hermione had been rather surprised when she had received Regulus' letter asking her to meet him that evening at midnight at the edge of the forbidden forest. He had not spoken to her since their last conversation when Hermione had explained that they were not of the same world, not serving the same causes and not on the same side. She had gone to see Remus, who to her surprise had almost pushed her to go. It was important to know what the young Black wanted."

"I was stuck in the common room, I couldn't escape as easily as you, Gryffindorks never pay attention."

"I'm sorry? You call my house the Gryffindorks and you seriously think I'm going to help you?" she asked, dumbfounded.

"You don't even know what I want!"

"All the more reason."

"I want you to teach me how to duel," he said in a calm, confident voice.

"Black, I already explained to you that I don't want to. We're not on the same side."

"But you managed to beat Severus in a duel! Nobody beat him like that. The ones that did, it was by surprise."

"See, this is exactly the problem with you. Last time you came to me because I revealed my power to the school. Today you come to me because I beat Severus. You never would have done it if I hadn't beaten him."

"That's true, but what can I say, I'm a Slytherin. I only do things that are useful to me."

"That's exactly what makes us different. I'm not like you. But if I'm thinking like a Slytherin, which I'm perfectly capable of doing, no offence to your ego, what do you have to offer me?"

Hermione waited, but Regulus couldn't think of anything to answer despite what he seemed to be looking for. The witch could almost see smoke coming out of his ears.

"I can give you my family's dark magic books. There are hundreds of them."

Hermione, to contradict his words, took out her wand and whispered a Latin incantation. Regulus fell to his knees and saw his blood slowly drain from his body. Hermione let go of the counter spell and the blood returned to where it had been with only Regulus' now red clothes remaining. This spell had been invented by some Black, but Hermione was sure Regulus knew it. She had chosen him because he was one of the only ones who had a counter spell, the youngest Black's time had not yet come.

"I have nothing to learn from you Black."

"How do you know this spell?" he asked, bewildered. Only a member of my family can do it."

"I assure you, I have nothing to do with your filthy archaic pureblood family. Thank you for me. Next time you really want something, think like a Slytherin, you don't get something for nothing. You couldn't possibly think that just because my tie is red and gold that I'd bend to your will. I'm brave Black, not stupid."

With that, Hermione left the young Black on the grass, his clothes full of blood, which was beginning to dry, and a pained facial expression full of incomprehension and shame.

Remus got out of the three broomsticks and headed for the little shops in Hogsmeade. It was the first Saturday of the holidays and an outing had been organised for the students who were staying at Hogwarts. This was very useful for those who never got there early and still hadn't bought Christmas presents. Remus didn't have much to do, the only people he would be getting something for were Hermione and Minerva. He wasn't very close to his colleagues and his family was dead. Even his younger self didn't spend Christmas with his parents, but with the marauders at Potter Manor.

"Rem', what are you doing here?"

Remus turned back to Hermione and they headed to a more secluded area of Hogsmeade, with fewer people. Everyone seemed to be out doing their Christmas shopping.

"What are you doing here?"

"Like you I suppose, I'm a bit late."

"Oh, I didn't come this year. When I come here, it reminds me how it was the last time we were here. I loved going to the Shrieking Shack, but I don't want to have a flashback of Snape's rotting body."

"Keep it down, Mione, they might hear us."

"Rem', you call me 'Mione', if you want to be discreet, call me Helena."

"I'll never get used to that name."

"Nor will I ever get used to the way I look. Harry's hair is even harder to comb than mine, you know? I waste far too much time brushing it."

"Why don't you make it smoother?"

As he asked his question, Remus realised that he already knew the answer. Hermione, physically, was a mixture of his trio. She had kept her own build, but had Ron's blue eyes and Harry's hair.

"All right, I'm going back to Hogwarts. Are you coming?"

"No, I've still got a few things to buy. But I'll come and see you tonight, we need to have a more serious talk about you-know-what. "

Hermione left to browse the various shops and Remus walked quietly back to the castle. He stopped by the forbidden forest and saw the herd of Hogwarts thestrals. Like most wizards, these creatures scared Remus. It didn't have to be that way, but it had something to do with the fact that you had to see death to see them. The vast majority of Hogwarts students could not see them and the unlucky ones who did, did not always know of their existence. Remus approached the thestrals and bowed slightly. These creatures were not as proud as the hippogriffs, but Remus wanted to show them that he respected them and was not afraid of them. This may not have been entirely true, but Remus tried to convince himself. A young sombrero came to meet him and Remus stroked him gently. He didn't see the time pass with them and when he left the forbidden forest, he had only one certainty. Finally, he liked the thestrals.

Hermione knocked on Remus' door at half past eight. She was on time for once and they could talk about the horcruxes.

"The Gaunt ring is in their house. The Ravenclaw diadem is in the Room on Requirement. The snake is not yet a horcrux, the locket is not yet in the cave. The Hufflepuff diary and cup are surely not already in the hands of Malfoy and B-Bellatrix Lestrange."

Hermione hated that name and that person so much. Almost more than Voldemort. They were both on the top spot of people who had hurt her the most in her life. Physically or morally. Bellatrix had left indelible marks on her that not even the human metamorphosis could erase. She had been tortured many times, but no Death Eater, not even Snakeface, had scarred her so badly. Bellatrix's infamies were etched into her flesh, she could never forget that. Images of her torture flashed by and she heard Remus calling her name in the distance, but she couldn't escape those scenes as horrific as her tormentor.

"Aguamenti"

Hermione found herself doused with water and came out of her hallucinations. Remus looked at her, a deep look of concern. He hadn't really grasped the magnitude of what had happened when Hermione had been with the marauders, but now he fully appreciated the dimension of Hermione's memories and hallucinations.

"Hermione. Whatever you're seeing, it's all in your head. It must not affect you."

"I can't help it. I close my eyes and see Harry, Ron, the others, the torture, the screaming, the tears. "

"But little by little, these memories take over from reality, Mione. It took me twenty minutes to wake you up. If I hadn't remembered that the water brought you out of your state last time."

"I can't help it Rem', I can't forget."

"Then don't forget. But don't let the memories dominate you."

"If I were to face Bellatrix again, I don't know if I'd be strong enough to face her. Voldemort I could handle. So could everyone else, but she..."

"Hermione. Repeat after me. The ghosts of my memories exist only in my head. They can't reach me anymore."

"The ghosts of my memories don't, don't exist. I can't do it Rem'. She doesn't exist only in my head, but in my arm too."

Remus' gaze fell on Hermione's bloody arm. Her mudblood had started to bleed again, as it did whenever she thought too much about her past.

"Give it to me, I'll heal you."

"No one has ever touched it."

"Hermione, when you were burned by the fire, who healed you? I did."

"You touch my arm!"

"It was urgent."

Hermione held out her arm to Remus and was the first to be surprised when she did so. Remus tended to her as best he could, it was never easy with this type of injury.

"We'll talk another time. You're in no condition. There's no need to protest."

Hermione was about to leave but Remus asked her one last request.

"Hermione please. Repeat these two sentences every night. It will help you."

Hermione left the room and went to bed in the Room-on-Demand. She sat down on her bed and without really believing it repeated Remus' sentences. It didn't make any difference, Hermione had as bad a night as the previous ones, but maybe in time, who knows?