"A life hides a soul, a smile hides a tear, a laugh hides suffering, the best cry for the one who suffers is silence and he knows how to make himself heard."

Anonymous

Remus put his arm around Hermione's shoulder and whispered to her that it would be okay. The two Time Travelers had just entered a property owned by the Blacks, which Remus knew well. This manor was the headquarters of the Death Eaters, or rather what was left of it. There had been a terrible battle there two days before that had cost many lives, both on the side of the Aurors and the Dark Lord.

No members of the Order had been killed, but many were badly injured. Mad-Eye had lost his leg, Hermione now knew how he got his wooden leg. Gideon Prewett was in a coma, but according to the wizards, he had a good chance of waking up within the week. Emmeline Vance had lost half her sight, only her left eye was still functional. Caradoc Dearborn had been hit by an unknown spell and was being examined by the best mediwizards at St. Mungo's. The others had minor injuries, like cuts or broken limbs, nothing that could not be repaired.

Remus and Hermione had both been hit by the same spell, cast by the Lestrange brothers. They each had a scar that ran from their foreheads to their ears and across their faces. As if they didn't have enough scars... But none of them had been severely injured.

The Death Eaters, at the end of that battle had abandoned their HQ and Dumbledore had ordered a thorough inspection of the Manor, if Voldemort was foolish enough to leave his plans as he left. Hermione thought this was stupid, she was getting to know her enemy, but she had to obey, to keep up appearances, no matter what the cost. She had let herself go too much in the last few weeks, telling the marauders that she had been raped and tortured and Fabian why she hated May the 2nd day so much.

The Order's most skilled dark magic members had come to the scene and unfortunately for them, Hermione was one of them. Remus had accompanied her, there was no way she was going to go alone to that manor when they didn't know what they would find. This mansion belonged to the Blacks, so he was sure they would be dealing with a lot of dark magic, but what? No one could tell. When they entered the living room, they found that very few people were present.

Moody was there despite his missing leg. They didn't know how he had escaped from the watchful eye of the mediwizards, because they wouldn't be so oblivious as to let someone with a leg out of St. Mungo's less than forty-eight hours after his accident, but it couldn't have been a smooth ride. Frank and Alice stood next to each other, as (future) aurors, they should know the basics of the dark arts and so could be helpful. Sirius was there, after all the Manor belonged to his family, even though the wizard had never set foot in it. Hermione noticed that Dumbledore hadn't even made the trip, yet the Hogwarts students were supposed to leave the castle that morning. The time traveler restrained herself from gritting her teeth and firing a scathing retort, but since he wasn't there...

"Well" began Mad-Eye. "The Prewetts would have been useful, but since one of them is in a coma, they won't be coming. Emmeline wanted to come but she couldn't, but we have the best dark magic expert with us, more than some of the Death Eaters, so we should be fine."

Hermione sighed and glared at the Auror, who didn't care. They went their separate ways. Hermione searched the floor that had been assigned to her from top to bottom, she had found a few books that might be of interest, but as she had suspected, no plans from the Death Eaters. She had retrieved a few items of torture, which she would promptly burn once she left. She entered the last room and began by opening the closet. She pulled away abruptly when she saw a dark figure emerge from it.

Remus was also inspecting a floor, he had to hold back his vomit when he entered a torture room, where there was still dried blood and hair. He hoped to finish as soon as possible, burn everything and get away as quickly as possible, without a backward glance. He was lost in his thoughts when he heard a scream that would freeze anyone's blood. He rushed to the source of the scream, but the other members of the Order were faster than he was. He pushed past Frank and Alice who were blocking his view and saw Hermione on the ground, screaming. She was crying hard and her tears were mixing with her blood, running down her body. She was on her knees, her black hair was a mess and her eyes, there was such distress. Remus looked back at the object, or rather the person, of Hermione's condition.

Bellatrix Lestrange stood before him. She had her usual sadistic expression, but she said nothing. Seeing that she wasn't attacking, Remus approached and when she saw him, she turned into a young woman with hazel eyes and chatty hair, lying on the ground, eyes wide open, dead. It was Hermione. Although he was very disturbed by this, the wizard pulled himself together and whispered "Riddiculus" to the body. The body turned into a doll and was locked in the closet.

Remus rushed over to Hermione, who had not moved, only her screams had stopped and she had retreated into a frightening silence.

"Helena" he said in his softest voice. "It wasn't her, it was only a boggart. She won't hurt you again. I won't allow it. I will protect you. You're stronger than she is, you can beat her."

The wizard didn't know if his friend could hear what he was saying. She seemed so far away from him. She didn't answer, she didn't move a hair, apparently nothing had changed.

"Helena, I'm going to touch you, okay? I'm going to take you in my arms and carry you. We're going to go home, no one's going to hurt you."

Remus went over to her and took her in his arms, careful not to touch her skin. Her clothes were full of blood, her hands too. He had to hurry if he didn't want her to bleed to death.

Moody ordered everyone to leave immediately, and when they were all gone, he set fire to the manor. Not surprisingly, the visit had been of no use, Voldemort had left no documents. However, the auror had learned something, Helena Grace's boggart is Bellatrix Lestrange, which means that she had met her more than two years ago because they had never taken part in the same battle together since the creation of the Order and Grace had not been able to meet her at Hogwarts. But according to Albus, the two wizards had just arrived from Spain when they had applied to join Hogwarts. And who was this girl that Lucas feared to see dead? Why wasn't she with them? The Helena Grace and Remi Lucas Mystery was still thickening, much to his displeasure. But Moody was used to complex investigations, it was his job after all, so he would find out what these two people were hiding, even if it took years, he would find out.

Hermione had not left her bed for two days. She had not spoken a single word either, she hardly even gave Remus a glance when he entered her room. It was as if she were locked in her own head. Other members of the Order had tried to visit her, but whenever anyone got too close to her, she would have a panic attack, completely out of control. Hermione's condition worried Remus greatly, if the mere sight of Bellatrix put her in this state, what would happen if they were confronted again? How would Hermione get past her deep terror for Lestrange? It was unlikely that she would, she had scarred her for life, literally. Every time she looked down, she saw the blood etched on her forearm. When she looked in the mirror, she couldn't help but see the snake tattoo on the back of her neck. Bellatrix Lestrange had hurt her far more than Voldemort, it was her greatest fear and one can overcome one's fears, but in Hermione's case it was not insignificant. She could never live in peace as long as she was alive.

"Neither can live while the other survives."

That's what the prophecy said about Voldemort and Harry. But surviving was what he and Hermione had been doing for years. Living seemed so far away. But Hermione could never survive if Bellatrix lived fully. Even in the past, that damn prophecy continued to have power.

Harry and Voldemort

Hermione and Bellatrix

One survivor at a time.

Harry was dead.

Hermione seems mentally dead.

Yet, unlike her friend, she was still here, she had to pull herself together, she had to fight to live. She had to live, for all those who had died, for all those who were just surviving, as she had been for several years.

The young woman had been such a support these last weeks that he had to return the favor. The destruction of the horcrux in the Gaunts' ring and the approach of Teddy's birthday had Remus in a tailspin. For several days, he had done nothing but drink, as he had done many years before, when the marauders died in 1981. Hermione had found him on May the 2nd, drunk, but had not reproached him for anything, not even a sideways glance. She had taken it in stride, putting her pain aside during that fateful day. She did her best to help Remus, sobered him up, gave him an anti-hangover potion and listened to him cry, comforted him. She hadn't yelled at him for going off the grid for two and a half weeks, for worrying about him all that time, fearing he'd die. She had taken him in her arms, had repressed her emotions, had directed the operations and now she was cracking up.

All the accumulated stress, her fatigue, her fear, her despair, all this she transformed into silence. In a silence so heavy, so deafening, that Remus would have preferred to hear her scream. Because that silence was a cry for help. Seeing Bellatrix Lestrange again, even through the boggart, had brought all of his past back into his face, even more than during his seizures. Hermione, because of Voldemort, had experienced her torture and rape all over again, and although she had been pretty shaken up, she had recovered. Remus knew that all those battles, all those plans, were not good for them. He was going through this a third time for him and a second for Hermione. It was already too much. They needed to get away from Britain for a while, for their sanity.

Sirius was sitting in the battle room with a blank stare. Most of the members preferred to walk on the beach or rest on the sand to think, but not him. It reminded him of the long hours he had spent with his family in a Black manor in the south of France. The sea reminded him of the beginnings of dark magic he had learned with Bellatrix while torturing animals as a boy.

Helena's boggart was Bellatrix, his cousin. How could he ever look at her in the face again? Her cousin had marked her so much that it had become the thing she feared most in the world. She had tortured her, she could possess Helena, by Merlin! Sirius felt terrible about this. He may have left his family years ago, but he was still a Black, his imprisonnement in Azkaban had shown that. He would have to live with this burden all his life: being part of the House of Black.

"Sirius."

The wizard didn't bother to turn around when he heard his boyfriend. He didn't want him to see him like this. He didn't want him to flinch in front of the others, another bloody legacy from his family, to be dignified in all circumstances.

"You had nothing to do with it, Padfoot. You have nothing to do with her. When Helena comes to her senses, she won't blame you."

"How could I not have known? How could she not see it through me? We're all Black, we're all the same: dark, curly hair, gray eyes, shitty temper. Only Narcissa has escaped that damn tradition and has blonde hair. Bellatrix, Andromeda, Regulus, my parents, my uncles, we're all the same. I may have left this crazy family, but I'll always be a Black! I will always have that darkness in me. You saw what my family did to Helena. I could never look her in the eye again."

"Hey, easy. Helena went through who knows what with Bellatrix, but she knows you're not responsible for anything. It probably happened before she entered Hogwarts. Did it stop her from helping you when you needed it? Did it stop her from saving you when you got caught in an unknown spell? Did it stop her from getting you out of Azkaban? You know all these answers. Helena could never blame you for something you didn't do. What could you have done anyway? You didn't even know her. Other people are being tortured right now, and I understand why Helena's plight affects you more, but you can't help it, Sirius."

Remus paused in his tirade to give Sirius time to absorb everything he had just said. He took a deep breath before finishing:

"So yes, you will always be a Black, but that is not what should define you."

Remus's words seemed to have an effect on Sirius's brain as he turned his head towards him. His gaze had softened a bit, and Remus sighed when he saw that there were no tears on Sirius' cheeks. A Black does not cry. Now that was another thing Sirius couldn't shake off. But he had to, because crying was just being human, letting your emotions out.

"I don't know what I would do without you."

"You should get a fuck buddy" he scoffed.

"Seriously Rem. You're the most important person in the world."

"You're forgetting about James."

"That was true before. James will always be my best friend, my brother. But he's with Lily, and even though we don't talk about it, we've grown apart a little. Not a lot, but the war has taken us apart. We're on different missions, we don't see each other twenty-four hours a day like we used to. He's getting married, building his little family. And I mean what I said, you're the most important person to me."

"Do you really think James and Lily will get married so quickly?"

"I bet you five galleons it'll be before the year's out."

"Lily's not ready yet. But they'll be married before next summer, I'm sure of it. Five galleons."

"Prepare to lose my darling."

Remus had called the members of the Order into the living room at the end of the weekly meeting. Usually, the older members left as soon as the meeting was over, but today he had something to tell them.

"Thank you for staying, I will be brief for those who are expected, Helena and I will be leaving for a while."

"Leaving? What do you mean?" asked Lily.

"We're leaving the country."

"What! But you can't leave us like that, we need you! And how are we going to get to HQ? Are you going on vacation in the middle of a war?"

"No, we are not going to leave you. You can keep the house as your HQ. And no, we are not going on vacation. We're going on a mission, a very important one that will be decisive in the fight against Voldemort. Before you ask any questions, I won't tell you what it is. Besides, Helena needs to get away from England, so this is the perfect opportunity. Although what we're about to do won't be very pleasant."

"Where are you going? For how long?" asked Sirius.

"I don't know. We can find it in two days, or two weeks, or two months. And for your safety, it's better if you don't know where we're going."

With that, the wizards who weren't sleeping at HQ transited home and the others, namely the marauders, Lily and Alice who had decided to stay there since Frank was on a mission.

"How can you do this to us? I wanted you to be here for the wedding."

"But we'll think of you Alice. I know you wanted us to come, but this is the perfect time, there's no one at Hogwarts so if there's a problem, Dumbledore and Minerva will be there. You won't need us. You'll be fine."

"But what if you die? No one will know and we'll be waiting desperately for you to come back from who knows what country."

"Take it easy. We don't plan to die, not me or Helena despite what she says. And if we do, Minerva has a way of locating us."

"What if one of us dies? There are bound to be battles while you're gone. You are among the best. You'll go home, happy to have accomplished your mission, and you'll be shocked to see half of us dead."

"Alice. What's bothering you so much?"

"I don't know. All my friends should have been there. And then Mary died and there was nothing we could do about it. She was my best friend. And then in January, Dorcas was gone too. I only have Lily left and I'm afraid she'll die and I'll be alone. And Helena, even though she tried to push us away many times, I consider her my friend. And despite this whole damn war, I want my wedding day to be a happy one, but the absence of my friends will hang over our heads."

The witch had tears in her eyes, Lily had moved closer to her and was hugging her while stroking her hair.

"I'm not going to die. You're going to put up with me for a long time."

"As for you," Alice said, looking at Remus. "You'd better come back alive, and Helena too. Otherwise I'll resurrect you and kill you!"

Remus smiled contritely at the young woman's expression. Even though the others hadn't spoken as much as she had, the time traveler had read in their eyes that they didn't think any less of her. The last few missions they'd been on hadn't been successful, but they had to get this horcrux or Voldemort would continue to be immortal. It was a matter of life and death.

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