"I need to find her." Eula quickly dashes out of the Knights Of Favonius Headquarters, it's night and the street lamps outside the building barely make the traces left by the outrider's boots visible. Eula follows them, remembering the teachings the first outrider, Zhiruo, left onto her. She walks until she reaches the home where she learnt how to become a knight. It looks exactly as it did when the man had left it, only time's work showing that it was actually uninhabited. Amber's footprints head towards the back of the premises, the old yard where Zhirou trained Eula in the art of the blade. She stops.
"Right… Amber is his niece." Eula breathes deeply, straightens her back and heads towards the back of the house. She hears some whines, stifled sobs. She looks over the corner and sees her. Amber sits with her back against the wall, knees to her chest, arms wrapped around her legs and hiding her face. Eula takes a step forward. Amber raises her head, her eyes are red and tears line her face, shining under the moonlight, she looks at her. Eula swallows emptily as memories of hers resurface without warning.
She was around five, drawing with crayons on a small desk in her room, next to the huge window with wood sills. The sun was reflecting onto the oily texture of the colors, adding a luminosity befitting the sunset coming in. She started doodling in the first hours of the afternoon and the crayons had been consumed so much so that the residues from their core were scattered around the table.
Once she was done, Eula ran across the long red carpet in the hallway outside of her room with a smile plastered on her face. She reached a massive wooden door, embellished by inlaid leaves and intertwined branches, and knocked.
"Come in."
Eula stiffened in her place, held her breath for an instant before slowly opening the door. She didn't come in right away, hiding herself behind the wood, only peeking into her mother's chambers. The woman sat on an armchair, reading a book with a red cover, her legs crossed and her head leaning on the back of her head; her hair, which was the same shade as Eula's, was tied in a bun without a single strand out of place.
"Mother… I drew something, would you like to see it?"
The woman lowered her book and looked at Eula.
"You should be focusing on your studies, not on such frivolous matter."
The little girl stared at her own feet and held the sheet of paper tight to her chest.
"I put a lot of work into it, could you at least look at it, please?" Eula's voice quietened at each word she said. Her mother stared at her for long instances before she sighed.
"Show it to me."
The little girl raised her head and smiled, quickly toddling towards the woman, tripping in the process; she got back up, swiftly fixing her hair before she handed the drawing to her mother.
The woman took it and observed in silence. Eula felt her heart beating at an uncontrollable pace, no matter how much she tried to breathe she felt herself suffocating, as if she was always lacking oxygen.
"Your technique is awfully crude, come back to me when you can show me something worth my time, omega." The woman threw the sheet on the floor. Eula watched as the paper floated through the air, only to land onto the big cyan rug. She fetched it.
"Excuse me." Eula ran away, closed the door and hid herself in her room locking herself in. She let herself fall against the wall, staring at the drawing. Her vision was clouded by tears to such a degree that the picture of her mother and herself holding hands became nothing more than a muddled image. Eula choked back sobs; in the moment where she closed her eyes, the tears fell onto the paper and diluted the colors.
Eula shakes her head and takes another step towards Amber, careful to leave some distance between them. The outrider quickly dries her face off with the back of her hand.
"What do you want? Are you here to make fun of the way I cry?"
Eula hides a hand behind her neck.
"I didn't think I would find you here like…this…"
Amber laughed bitterly.
"Did you expect me to go back home smiling after you told me my job is useless?"
Eula stares at the ground silently.
"Leave me alone, okay? Go back to doing whatever nobles do." Amber faced towards the darkness on the back of the building, far from any light source. Eula inhaled the evening air deeply enough to feel cool temperature in her lungs.
"I'm sorry, I should have never spoken to you like that." She goes back to looking at Amber; the outrider turns towards her. "My behavior was nothing short of uncivilized, I'm here to make my apology official." The two stare at each other, only surrounded by the evening's silence. Amber chuckles.
"Are you always this formal when you apologize?"
Eula blushes and clears her throat.
"A lady cannot disregard manners."
Amber smiled, her cheeks still wet with tears.
"I may forgive you, miss Lawrence, but only if you'll allow me to sit you down so you can explain the reasoning behind your conduct." Amber scoots over as she alludes to the ground near her.
"Thank you." Eula sits down, but she keeps a bit of distance between them.
"I thought Jean told you to be kind towards me on purpose, the issue being I hate when people try to please me, even when it's through kindness."
Amber laughs, covering her mouth with a hand.
"Well, maybe if you weren't so suspicious of other people's intent you might actually realize who's doing it on purpose and who's not."
"It's difficult when you're raised among the Lawrence clan."
Amber observes Eula, closing in until their shoulders are touching, leaning her head on her knees.
"I'm not the Lawrence clan." The outrider puts her hand close to Eula's face, brushing against her forehead and then her cheek. Eula blushes, staring at Amber smiling.
"You're right." Her lips hint at a smile. Amber beams. "I was so focused on myself that I didn't realize how much I was hurting you, and for that I am sorry, if there's anything I can do to remedy my actions please let me know".
"The fact you came to me to talk it out is already enough, I forgive you."
"But I stained your honor, you shouldn't be so agreeable about it".
"Was my outburst in the woods so agreeable?"
"Not really, but I'd like to do something for you, to show my utmost sincere remorse."
Amber puts a hand under her chin, as if deep in thought.
"Offering me dinner will suffice; I say we start from the top then. Outrider Amber, at your service." Amber takes off her mud covered glove and extends her hand. Eula takes off her own and reciprocates.
"Captain of the Reconnaissance Company Eula Lawrence, it's an honor to meet you."
"Pleasure to meet you, captain."
"Eula, just Eula is fine."
The evening caresses the two girls, the street lamps guiding the people onto the lanes. The noise of footsteps and easy chatter fills the silence and reaches them.
"Hey, Eula."
Eula turns to Amber.
"You used to be Grandpa's student, right?"
Eula takes a deep breath.
"Yes."
"Do you know why he left?"
Silence falls between them once again, the sounds coming from people nearby so dimmed that they barely seems to belong to the same plane of existence as them. Eula stares at the ground.
"No." She sighs.
Amber observes the darkness once again, a single tear on her face, she dries it quickly and turns towards Eula.
"How about we get something to eat?"
Eula remains still.
"What would you like to eat?"
"A sticky honey roast will do, now come on, Good Hunter's super good." The outrider stands up, patting down the dirt from her shorts.
"I don't think I'll be welcome in such a place."
"You will."
"Huh?"
Eula raises her gaze towards Amber.
"I won't allow them to treat you badly".
Eula smiles.
"I'll get my revenge for this."
The two of them walk towards the restaurant; Amber walking in front and turning back to her occasionally. The streets' light allows Eula to look at her more clearly, her reddened eyes, the dark circles under her eyes, her messy hair.
"Are you okay?"
Amber stops in her tracks and looks at Eula, her smile barely holding onto her face.
"More or less, nothing a sticky honey roast can't fix."
Among Mondstadt's lights and shadows, Eula's mind runs wild.
"I've been such an idiot, haven't I?"
The two of them reach the restaurant; Sara greets them and they sit down for dinner; they eat exchanging some casual conversation from time to time. At the end of their meal, only a faint trace of food remains on their plates. The patrons around them are bad-mouthing them.
"Did you see them?"
"Yup, poor Amber, who knows what kinda tricks that Lawrence chick pulled to get her to eat with her."
"For sure, it's a pity, really, she's such a nice girl. Hopefully that brat won't have any bad influence on her."
Eula doesn't even turn towards the muttering.
"You do know that the reason you're able to safely enjoy a warm meal in this inn is also thanks to her, right? " Amber whips her head to face the people around them. They quiet down and go back to focus on their eating.
"I'm way too tired to put up with a bunch of bigots during dinner." Amber lays down along the table's length, sighing loudly and leaning her forehead on the wooden surface. A hint of a giggle escapes Eula's lips.
"You really are a weirdo".
"I'm not taking this criticism from you of all people, miss I'm So Emo That Thinking Someone Might Be Nice To Me Makes Me Repulsed." Amber points at Eula without raising her head. Eula faintly blushes and coughs to clear her throat.
"I will have my vengeance for this."
Amber bursts out laughing and raises her head.
"This is what, the hundredth time you threaten me with vengeance, what's that even supposed to be? You're going to glare at me until I say you're such a magnificent noblewoman?"
"I, well…" Eula inhales slowly "I will let you know personally once I manage to reflect upon this topic and made up my mind."
"So you haven't actually thought about it."
Eula remains silent, her arms crossed in front of her chest. Amber adjusts her posture, leaning her head on the palm of her hand.
"That means I'll just have to wait" she smiled genuinely.
Eula goes back home, a modest room in the Knights Of Favonius' dormitories. She prepares herself for sleep with care, as she does every night, taking off her uniform and hanging it attentively, so not to leave any creases in it, she takes a warm bath and stops in front of the mirror to comb her hair. She thinks back to the few hours prior. Amber's smile was radiant underneath the street lamps' light, even if she had been crying not long before that. Eula stops, stares at her reflection and sighs.
"She really is Zhiruo's niece…"
Eula's memory flashes back to the day she first met that weird sir.
It was a summer afternoon, the temperature in Mondstadt had risen so high the it seemed like it was going to drain every last drop of liquid in the body.
Eula was around eight years old, she was in her room in the Lawrence estate, sweating profusely over a thick book which encompassed the family's history in great detail. Alone, with her head bent on the tome and a pen in her hand for taking notes.
The Lawrence clan's genealogy is defined by its strong presence of alpha blood, was among the printed pages, which unquestionably denotes the strength and nobility of such a family. As a matter of fact, only alphas possess the vigor that is required of a leader, a guide for each new generation in the family's new branches. Eula groaned, she started observing the family tree, each person bearing the Lawrence name was labeled as alpha, while the omegas were only among those belonging to families that decided to marry into the clan.
"Are there no omegas in the bloodline? Or maybe…" Eula stroked a barely legible name appearing over one of the thinnest branches of the tree with her finger. "Or maybe do they get erased?" Eula collapsed against the desk, leaning on the book as if it were a pillow. "Will I also be erased? Just for being an omega?"
The memory of her mother kicking her out of her chambers after seeing her drawing came back to the little girl's mind.
"What sense does it make to put so much effort into everything if I'm never going to be good enough for them anyway?" Eula's eyes started to sting and water, she dried them before the tears even started to flow.
"Screw them! If they don't want me I'll find someone who does in town!" Eula stood up from the desk, took a sack and started filling it haphazardly, taking a few clothes, closing it and putting it onto her shoulder; she took a small amount of mora with her and got out by the window. Most of the family's adults were not at home due to official business, so the mansion was empty save for a few servants that were tasked with guarding it. Eula hid behind the bushes and carefully snuck out back.
Once she was outside the estate, she started roaming around Mondstadt, she had never been there without being escorted, be it a housemaid or a fellow Lawrence. She could hear people whispering on each street she walked, felt the looks of stranger and sometimes managed to make out her family name or even her own from their muttering.
"Well, they must not see many nobles around here." Eula puffed her chest and continued her exploration of the city. The more she walked and the more people seemed to avoid her, with hatred in their eyes. Many times did Eula attempt to ask for clarifications, but people walked away in such a hurry that she didn't even get a chance to start talking.
The sun was radiating over the streets and soon enough the little girl found herself with small droplets of sweat running over her face.
"Ice cream! Come and try Mondstadt's ice cream!" In the small square near the city gates a man in his forties stood behind an ice cream stand. There were many a child around him and each of them received a portion with a smile.
"Strawberry ice cream for me!" A child hopped on the spot impatiently; the man got it ready in a few seconds and gave it to him.
"That'll be a hundred mora, buddy! Hope ya like it." The child payed for his ice cream and walked away, catching up to his mother that was waiting for him not too far away and holding her hand.
Eula approached the stand only when there were few people left.
"A scoop of mint ice cream, please." Eula smiled and handed her mora to the man. His behavior shifted, as his lips warped into an expression of annoyance.
"Three hundred mora." He crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"But the others got theirs for a hundred."
"The others weren't from the Lawrence clan."
Eula gritted her teeth and furrowed her brows, she opened her mouth to say something back, but she heard the whispering around her come back.
"What did she think would happen? After what they put us through they even expect to get charged with normal prices?"
"I get she's a kid, but she should be old enough to know better."
"He's already being way too nice by only making her pay three hundred mora."
Eula lowered her hand and took another two hundred mora from her sack, handing them to the ice cream man; the man took them and curtly passed her the cone. The little girl took it and ran away, towards the bystreet; she sat onto a pit wall in the shade and stared at her ice cream.
"It's not like I chose to be born a Lawrence!" The tears started streaming down Eula's rosy cheeks, she tried to dry them with her remaining empty hand, but they slipped through her fingers and showed no sign of stopping.
"I never wanted to be born a Lawrence! I never wanted to be born an omega! I just… I just want someone to smile at me! Someone to love me! I don't… I don't want to be alone! What's wrong with me? Why did Barbatos give me this life? What did I do wrong? I've always done everything mom wanted me to, I studied for hours, I've never complained; I've never hurt anyone!" Slowly, the ice cream was melting, trickling down Eula's hand and dropping onto her dress, staining it.
"I hate them, I hate them all!" She was wracked by even more insistent sobs, no matter how hard she tried to contain them.
"I hate my mom! I hate the people in town! I hate Barbatos! I hate Mondstadt! Why? Why can't you all just leave me alone?!" Eula threw the ice cream without looking at where it landed.
"Oh, dear, what have I done now?" The cone struck a man's pants. Eula looked up, her vision blurred by tears; she could vaguely recognize the out of focus Knights Of Favonius uniform.
"Oh shoot. Hey, little one, what happened?" The man approached her, kneeled down to Eula's height, took a handkerchief from his pocket and dried the child's tears. Eula was able to pick apart his features, not typical of Mondstadt; his eyes had a slightly elongated shape and were a warm, luminous amber hue. The man had long grizzled hair, the same color as his very well kept beard, tied in a ponytail with a red ribbon. But what struck Eula the most was the man's expression; for the first time she could recall in her life, she could see in someone what her eyes recognized to be genuine worry for her.
"Are you okay?" The man gently stroked her hair. Eula's crying increased.
"I'm here," He smiled at her and kept caressing her head until she calmed down. Once her tears stopped, Eula looked at the man's smiling face, only to then lower her head.
"He's only doing this because he doesn't know who I am, I need to stop being so delusional".
"It's good to cry once in a while, I always feel better after."
Eula kept her stare fixed on the stone bricks forming the street.
"You're Eula Lawrence, right?" The man stopped stroking her hair; the little girl sighed.
"I'm Zhiruo, head of the Outrider division here in Mondstadt, nice to meet you." Zhiruo took off one of his gloves and extended his hand towards Eula. She lifted her head, staring at him completely still for a moment. The tears came back, streaming from her eyes. She shook his hand.
"It's nice to meet you too."
Eula throws herself on the bed, only lit by the pale light coming in from the window, smiling.
"They even have the same eyes." She falls asleep serenely, caressed by the bedsheet's softness.
Once back home Amber greets her mother and takes a bath. Submerged in steam, she cleans the condensation from the mirror and looks at herself bitterly.
"With what audacity can I call myself better than the Lawrence clan?" She leans her hand on the mirror's surface.
"At least they're not a bunch of clowns." She forces a smile that promptly fades; she keeps trying until it seems stuck on her lips.
Note:
*Evil laugh* The angst has just begun eheheh.
Btw, just as I did for Esther's name, Zhirou's is from a random name generator, since there's no canon information on his real name that I know of.
Also, expect more chapters to come from Eula's perspective, even if the fic will remain mostly Amber centric because I'm biased lol.
Btw may I remind you this fic has an official translator? Go and follow nyarasss on Twitter and Tik Tok over here ;): /nyarasss