Chapter 34

Elliot's back hurt. His neck was stiff, and everything creaked. That's what happens when you sleep in a chair all night. He woke up around 2am and when he saw that neither Liv nor Serena had moved a muscle, he could have easily laid down on the couch or pulled out the sofa bed, but he didn't want to leave their side. When his phone alarm went off, he practically fell out of the chair to silence it so it wouldn't wake them. He needn't have worried because sometime during the night, Olivia changed positions and was hunkered under the covers, still out like a light. Serena was also still resting comfortably. Hmmm. He left them a note before kissing them both goodbye and headed to his apartment to get ready for work. Now he sat at his desk feeling like an old man cursing the damn chair when it was his own fault. He had the whole Carlson fiasco to file plus two other cases were coming up in court. He had to put his damn papers in. He was done. Today was going to be a long day.

Olivia felt heavy. She blinked and yawned and went to sit up when she realized she was on her stomach. She pulled her head up and rested on her forearms to take in her surroundings. Serena was next to her, her eyes moving rapidly under closed lids. The sun was shining bright and the clock said 9:42. Wow, last time she looked at the clock it wasn't even 9pm. She sat herself up and stretched but before she could move to get out of bed, Serena jumped a little and opened her eyes, looking around frantically. Nightmare.

"Good morning baby" she said calmly hoping her child would ease awake and realize she was safe. She did, but it was probably more due to practice controlling any outbursts than any morning greetings Liv could offer. As Serena removed her mask and reached to shut off her machine, Liv noticed a note on the nightstand.

Good morning luv. I just couldn't stand being away from you. Leaving things the way they were between us was not an option. I am so sorry Olivia. I never wanted to make you feel like I was choosing between children, one family over another. I have just one family and you are the biggest part of it. I never meant for you to feel like a guest, this is your home. Always. I'm also sorry for not telling you about Carlson's plea as soon as I found out. I...I came here ready to beg forgiveness but when I saw you both in bed, looking so peaceful for a change, I knew I didn't deserve either of you. I said a prayer last night Liv and you know it's been a while. I am just so grateful for you. I suck at using words with you Olivia, but I hope you know how much I love you. Both of you. Please call or text when you're ready. El.

Olivia held the note in her lap and while she read it a second time, Serena already had her glasses on and was reading over her shoulder. "We forgive him right Momma?" Her voice was raspier than usual due to last night's crying and sleeping so long with the mask on. She looked a little sick and her words were a bit slurred. "I mean, he was just being Elliot and we can't really blame him for that. Plus, he realized his mistake. So, do we?"

Liv found it funny how Serena would stay mad at Elliot if it's what she wanted. It was a matter of principal and solidarity between them after being just the two of them for so long. Liv smiled. "Yeah. I should call him but are you okay?" she asked. Serena was pale to begin with, she seemed to have lost her natural caramel tone after being imprisoned underground for two years, but right now she was as white as a sheet. She was also sweating which was odd since the ac was on and the room was cool. As Liv studied her face, Serena's eyes were moving rapidly around as if she was doing an internal inventory before making a very odd noise.

"Mmmmm-Momma, I don't feel good." She sat hunched over with her eyes squeezed so tight she must have been seeing stars. She let out a low whimpering sound.

"Serena, what's the matter? Do you feel like you have to throw up?" Liv was already grabbing the trash bin from over by the table.

"IT HURTS!" she shouted loud enough to be heard down by the water.

"MADDIE!" shouted Olivia, not knowing that Maddie spent the night in Serena's room and not even sure if she was coming back today but she needed help. "What hurts baby?"

"Mmmmmm...everything. Everything is burning!" Serena mumbled and began retching, however nothing came up. Maddie and Bernie both rushed to her bedside. "It's burning Mom-"

"She's burning up Maddie" Liv said barely able to keep her voice from sounding as panicked as she was. Serena's skin was dripping and clammy.

Maddie already felt the child's head and was currently holding her wrist and taking her pulse. "Get dressed Olivia" she said before taking Serena's glasses off to check her eyes. When she noticed Liv hadn't moved, she turned to her and raised her voice. "Olivia, get dressed now! We have to take her to the hospital. My brother is a burn specialist at Children's Specialized Hospital in Tom's River. It's a bit farther than our local hospital, about a half hour, faster if we say you're a cop and speed. Olivia, she has a raging infection somewhere and that is where she is going to get the best treatment. We need to leave now."

Liv just stripped and dressed right there in record time. Maddie drove a brand new Range Rover (she wondered how a home health aide could afford that, but was grateful for the spacious seating) and since Liv was not about to let go of her daughter to get behind a wheel, Maddie helped Bernie into the front seat before coming back in to help Olivia get Serena into the back. As soon as they pulled away from the house, Maddie called her brother and explained what was going on.

"Okay Olivia, they're going to be ready for us when we get there. I hope it's okay that I told him he could contact the clinic here to get Dr. Paxton's exam results?" Maddie knew she was not family and had no rights to even speak to her brother about Serena, but she knew it was the only thing to do right now and she had a feeling she would be forgiven.

She was right. "Maddie" began Olivia with a quaver in her voice as she held Serena's head in her lap. She was still moaning and burning up. "I can't even...thank you." Olivia thought Maddie must have been a NASCAR driver in another life because she had her foot on that pedal and weaved expertly around traffic. "Maddie, can I borrow your phone? I think I left mine on the bed." When it was passed back, Liv dialed immediately.

Elliot was in the middle of his never-ending paperwork, hoping Liv would call or text. It was almost 10:00 so she was either still sleeping, which was quite possible, or she was still angry, which was more likely. His phone rang and he jumped up but deflated when he didn't recognize the number. "Lt. Stabler, SVU."

"El? It's me. Oh God, El! We're on our way to Children's Specialized Hospital in Tom's River. We...Serena? Serena? Baby, answer me!" Her daughter went limp in her lap. "Maddie, she passed out!"

"Okay honey, we'll be there shortly" she replied while almost hitting 90 on the speedometer.

"Olivia! What's going on?" shouted Elliot as he already had his keys in hand out of his office. He stopped abruptly and called for Fin.

"Serena?" he asked. When Elliot nodded, he flicked his arm indicating that his lieutenant needed to leave, and he would handle everything. He shouted before the door to the stairwell closed, "Keep me posted!"

He flew down the stairs and was headed for his truck, still trying to get Olivia's attention since she never hung up the phone once he heard her say Serena passed out. "Liv?! Baby I need you to talk to me." She finally answered.

"She woke up complaining everything hurt. She was bent over and dry heaving but El, she's on fire! She's dead weight and sounds like she can't breathe. Maddie took her vitals and swears it's an infection. Carlson said she was infected, and we thought we took care of it on her back. Elliot…" she started to whimper herself with barely controlled panic.

"Okay Liv. I assume Maddie is driving. You're heading towards a great hospital and I will meet you there. Do you hear me? Just follow Maddie and let the doctors do their thing. I. Will. Meet. You. There." He needed her to do what she does best, compartmentalize. At least until he got there. He took full advantage of his rank and put on his flashing lights as he sped through the tunnel.

-SVU-

When he arrived, he was met with a sight similar to what he remembered vividly from years ago: Olivia was pacing the hospital corridor, barely containing her emotions. He took a moment to compose himself when she must have sensed him. He wasn't in her line of sight and he hadn't said a word, but that is how they worked. There was nothing either of them could ever do that would sever that pull, that connection. Nothing that couldn't be forgiven. In that instant, everything else was forgotten because ultimately, it didn't matter. Liv immediately sought out his eyes and when he stepped forward, she launched into his arms, rambling.

"Liv. Liv honey I can't understand. I need you to calm down." He shushed her and rubbed his hands over her back as she struggled to calm down. Finally, she explained exactly what happened.

"The doctors, she has several with her right now, they all say it's an infection and one said she may be septic and another was talking about surgery and they wouldn't let me stay with her…I can't lose her El. I can't lose her again!" That's all that was coherent for a while. She held on so tight and he was not about to let go. After some time, he managed to walk her over to where Maddie and his mother were sitting and together they sat, still holding on.

Maddie had taken Bernie down to the cafeteria for something to eat and still no word. Olivia folded into herself and she had a vacant look in her eyes that scared Elliot more than any gun pointed at him ever did. She was convincing herself that they were going to lose their daughter, but he didn't understand how. He watched them sleep last night. Serena looked so peaceful and the machine was doing its job. How could she go from that to being in surgery with possible sepsis? He couldn't take the silent waiting anymore and as he was about to go find some answers, a doctor came into the waiting room.

"Serena Benson's family?" Liv jumped up with Elliot right next to her.

"Here! Me, I'm Olivia Benson. I'm her mother. How is she?"

"I'm Dr. Regan. I am a nephrologist, one of the doctors working on Serena. Please, let's sit down." When they were all sitting, the doctor took a moment before continuing. "Ms. Benson, your daughter is a very sick young lady and before I begin, I must address the condition her body is in. She is severely underweight, has no muscle tone, weak reflexes, and scarring beyond imagination. Now. Ms. Benson, I must report her condition to…"

Elliot interrupted at that moment. "We are police officers, doctor. Manhattan SVU to be specific. I am Lt. Elliot Stabler, Olivia is my sergeant. We are the ones who you would call if we were in New York, however, obviously no one told you about our daughter." When the doctor gave him a blank stare, as if preparing himself for hearing excuses he has heard more times than he cares to count, Elliot continued. "Serena was kidnapped from her school over two years ago. During her captivity, she was beaten, raped, tortured, starved, burned, gang raped, you name an atrocity, it fell upon our child. Whatever you were about to say is not necessary. This is all documented for you to check out but later, please, tell us how is she?" He spoke with a clenched jaw just trying not to hit this man with the accusing eyes.

The doctor was taken aback at that. He had heard about this girl on the news and thought it was tragic. Now, he was treating her. "My apologies to you both. Please know that I wasn't making any accusations or presumptions against you. I am just looking out for the welfare of my patient. Serena is being seen by several specialists. We managed to discover the source of her severe infection. There is a particularly nasty burn just inside her rectum. This burn looked like an antibiotic cream was applied but it wasn't applied or cleaned properly. The infection spread very quickly since she is in such a weakened state. Her kidneys are under a lot of stress and infected. Left untreated as she was, she was on track for a serious threat of renal failure. She is concurrently being treated by our top pulmonologist, gynecologist, neurologist, and gastroenterologist who specializes in hepatology. They will come out to speak to you as they conclude their exams. I will go back in and explain your daughter's situation. It will help clear some things up and help us to proceed with her specific recovery in mind. Most of our team are men. You can understand why I mentioned that."

"What" Liv had to clear her throat. "What about her burns? You said she had a nasty burn and we spoke to one of your specialists on the phone on our way here. How are you going to treat that burn and what about the others? How long will she be at risk of infection?"

"Dr. Kendall is the one you spoke to. He is one of our best. He was the one who discovered the source of the infection. He will be with her the longest given the severity and sheer amount of her burns. Unfortunately, I cannot give you more specific information other than my own specialty." Dr. Regan went on to tell them about Serena's kidneys and bladder, his plans for treatment, and how best to ensure a proper recovery. Thank God Maddie came back to stand right behind them because all that information was going right over their heads. The doctor stopped speaking when she came into view. Elliot spoke up.

"This is Madeline Reston. Dr. Kendall is her brother, she was the one who called him and got my girls here. Please continue because Maddie here is going to have to translate and reiterate everything you are saying for us later." He was eternally grateful when his mother's aide stepped in.

-SVU-

Four days. Serena has been unconscious for four days. It seemed to Elliot that every doctor at the hospital was attending to his daughter. When they performed surgery, they thought it best to do what was necessary in one shot, so she had extensive scar tissue removed from her abdomen due to the horrible birth experience and hysterectomy that they still had no details about. She also had her one ovary removed, and a transfusion. He remembered that from Dr. Paxton's original report. She hasn't moved or given any indication that she is aware. There was a machine that breathed for her, one that eliminated waste for her, one that fed her, tubes and lines attached everywhere but the worst thing for him was the heart monitor. It was a slow and steady beep, but the beep wasn't coming from his angel's heart alone. She wasn't making her blood flow and that beep was a constant reminder of the fragile thread that she was hanging by. That beep went flat several times already causing Liv to almost lose her mind, no exaggeration. Olivia was also hanging on by a frayed thread, hardly sleeping, hardly eating, barely moving from her chair outside the door. An infection. A god damn fucking infection! The worst part was for Liv. With such a severe infection and "organs failing" no one was allowed to touch her. The doctors and nurses were practically in hazmat suits to prevent the chance of spreading germs and exacerbating Serena's infection. They were only able to sit in an observation section where hospital personnel were monitoring the machines. There was a speaker that they were encouraged to speak through. Such bullshit.

It was 11:30. Elliot was dozing in his chair and the nurse left to use the bathroom like clockwork. Olivia couldn't take it anymore. There were no germs that she didn't already share with her daughter and after 2 years of breathing and living in dirt, what harm could Olivia's exhalations do to her that had machines cleaning her blood? She took off her shoes, pulled her overshirt over her head, and slipped out of the jeans she was wearing for however many days. She wanted to contaminate the room as little as humanly possible. She disinfected her hands and tiptoed into the room. All of Serena's tubes and wires hung off her left side for ease of monitoring so Olivia gently shifted things around and climbed into the bed with her daughter on the right, taking the extra blanket to throw over herself since she was left in just a cami and undergarments. She rearranged Serena's hands so that she was able to hold both the girl's hands with one of her own. The other was under her head and wrapped around her daughter's shoulders. No matter how old or how tall Serena got, she would always be her baby, the little living doll with the heart melting smile. Liv's forehead rested against her child's and she spoke ever so softly.

"I need you to hang on baby girl. I know you are tired, so, so tired. I know you are in indescribable pain and you want it all to stop. I need" she paused, cleared her throat and took a deep breath. "I need you to find just a little more strength my love. Take it from me, all you need. You fought so hard for two years, and you've been pushing through since you got back but please, please don't give up!" Tears were freely flowing, and she was struggling with each word. "I am right here. Fight angel. Give me your pain. Give it to me, I will hold you up I promise. I will hold you up and Elliot will carry us both, without hesitation and this time, I will let him. I'm right here Serena. I am holding your hand like you asked and I am not going to let you go." She couldn't speak anymore without sounding incoherent or needing a tissue. She leaned impossibly closer and kissed Serena's forehead when she felt it. She thought she imagined it at first but no, there it was. A gentle pressure on her hand. Her baby needed her touch; it's all she kept saying, even when she didn't come out and say it with words. Liv relaxed the slightest bit as her tears fell onto her child's forehead.

Elliot awoke as soon as he heard Olivia get up from her seat. He was confused at first as he watched her strip but then he listened. He would sure as hell carry them both, every day from now on. He let too much time waste and he will spend the rest of his life making that up to them. He didn't interrupt as much as he wanted to wipe Liv's tears away. She needed this and he couldn't see how it would harm Serena, no matter what the doctors said. When the nurse came back, she almost flipped.

"Don't. Please? Please let them be. If that child is as bad as you say, how can you deny her mother the opportunity to comfort her before… I beg you, please?" He was so desperate. The nurse turned around and walked back out. She returned a very short time later with Dr. Egar, the pediatrician who was leading the team. She must have been in the on-call room.

"Lt. Stabler, just what does Sgt. Benson think she is doing? That child has a serious infection and we need to prevent any contamination or spread of germs. Her being in that room could…" But Elliot wouldn't let her finish.

"Could what?" he was pissed. "Exactly what could happen because you came in here this morning and pretty much said that you think we should prepare our daughter's funeral. Every single team member said she has shown no signs of improvement and you were unsure how to proceed. I know you have your science and your statistics, but my daughter is special. Yes, you've heard that before too but for the last two years she has been kept in a pitch-black hole in the ground. Silent. Terrified. Alone. The only human contact was when some sick fucks, plural, did every unimaginable thing to her body, mind, and spirit only to leave her alone again. Tell me doc, how can her mother's loving touch harm her anymore?" Liv fell asleep almost immediately and he was going to make damn sure no one disturbed either of them. They both finally looked peaceful.

Dr. Egar looked thoughtful. She had been filled in on Serena's circumstances from Dr. Regan and the team worked very well together to care for all of her injuries but to hear that come from the girl's father brought her up short. She didn't like it, but she wouldn't fight it because he was right. Serena was not doing well and holding her hand was better for her mother than preparing to say goodbye. She addressed the nurse instead. "Continue to monitor closely, paying particular attention to…"

Elliot tuned out at that point. Liv would get to spend the night comforting their daughter and he was sure that comforted her as well. They could monitor anything they wanted, he would watch. When the doctor left and the nurse took her station, Elliot brought the two chairs together and made himself comfortable. As long as Liv was asleep, he would let himself go too.

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