Chapter 36

Gladys had Serena busy learning new recipes in the kitchen next door. She didn't admit it, but Olivia could tell that she was still in physical pain, albeit a fraction of what she had before. They had to remember that she had scar tissue removed so not only was she recovering from sepsis and having almost her whole body scraped for burns, she was recovering from abdominal surgery as well. It was a battle of wills since she was still reluctant to use the bathroom this morning, even to pee so Liv knew she would have a battle for a bowel movement later. Serena loved to cook and bake so being in Gladys' amazing kitchen was very relaxing for her. It gave Liv agita, so she stayed away.

Bernie conspired with her best friend to keep the teen busy so she may have a few moments to talk to Olivia. "Olivia dear, walk with me awhile" said Bernie as she walked away, fully expecting Liv to follow. She did of course. As they walked down the beach, Bernie turned serious. "Olivia, I've done something that you may not be too happy with, but I can't, no I won't change it so it's something that you'll just have to accept." She kept walking.

Well, don't stop there! "Okay" Liv said nervously, expecting to be asked to leave or something equally horrible.

"You know dear, my grandkids only visit when it suits them, and I understand that of course. They are all grown up, well except Eli, and they have lives to lead but the thing is, they hardly ever came to visit. I always went into the city to meet Kathy for lunch with them and of course they would come for Easter and my birthday. I barely saw Elliot as you know, until you got involved helping my Katie." Bernie spoke while facing the sand and her voice took on a melancholy tone. "When Joe died, I sold the house and bought this one. I needed fresh air, freedom and my son couldn't accept that. Now I'm not saying he kept the kids from me, but he didn't encourage it either.

"Anyway, Lord knows I'm not getting any younger. Elliot has his apartment in Brooklyn, which I have never been to mind you. Eli lives in Connecticut with Kathy, Maureen took over the house in Queens, Katie and Elizabeth love Manhattan, being in the thick of things and Richard, well I love Richard."

Olivia was waiting for Bernie to get to the part that she was dreading.

"And then came Serena. Another grandchild for me and she is wonderful. I thank God for her Olivia, and you too. You have kept my boy safe and tried your very best to do what you could for his family. What you don't seem able to accept dear, is that you are family too. Serena is a lot like me. She loves the outdoors, the sun, the fresh air and freedom. She's damaged but determined to live her life her way. She's nothing like a Stabler and yet she is Stabler through and through and when Elliot told me we could lose her…." she paused and shook her head as if coming out of a daze. "So now that she is on the mend, I will do everything I can to help you help her thrive. I met with my attorney Olivia and I put this house in Serena's name so she will always have a home. There is no mortgage that you have to worry about, and it is in a trust until she turns 18, but I want her to have something from me when I'm gone."

Olivia was speechless and she stopped walking. It took Bernie a few more steps before she realized she was alone. She left Serena her house. This wonderful, safe haven that Liv has felt at home in since she first set foot just a month ago. "I…" she kept opening her mouth to speak but nothing would come out.

"Even if things don't work out between you and my hard-headed son, which I of course do NOT see happening, this house is yours, well Serena's but yours." Bernie waited for a response. "Olivia, is that okay? Are you okay?"

"I've always been the one to look out for my daughter. To keep her safe and make sure she knew she is loved beyond belief, often overcompensating, I'll admit. Elliot and the guys love her, but it was always just me. You give her so much, both of us and this, this is…." She was shaking her head. "It's not my right to refuse but I'm not going to say no because I know that Serena absolutely loves it here. She loves you already, and so do I. Oh my God Bernie, thank you. I can't...thank you so much!" She stepped forward and hugged her tightly.

"That means the world to me Olivia. I wasn't so sure because you can be as stubborn and hard headed as that boy of mine. Come, let's keep going." They walked and chatted some more and, on their way back, Bernie approached the second reason for her arrangement with Gladys. "Olivia there's something else I would like to discuss with you."

The look on Olivia's face made the older woman laugh. "Gladys has Serena cooking up some dinner and desserts. Take them to Elliot tonight dear. I know you have to leave very early in the morning, and I would hate for you to be late so just leave tonight. Surprise him. Have some alone time." When Olivia didn't respond, Bernie continued. "I know that Elliot doesn't trust me alone with Serena. He has terrible memories of my flighty-ness and impulsive decision making but I promise you Olivia, I will take very good care of her. Besides the fact that she is very self-sufficient, I asked Maddie to come spend the night so she could be here if Serena has a flashback or panic attack and to change her dressings. I won't…" But then Liv interrupted.

"Elliot may have trust issues, but I don't. Bernie, I see you with her and I would have no trouble going away for a month knowing she was under your care. It's not you, it's me. I have never spent the night away from her, not before she was taken and not after. How am I going to separate?"

"You are going to be with the man that you love who loves you back tenfold and your daughter is going to stay with her Grandma, family. You both have new phones and neither of you will be alone." Liv just nodded. She was thinking about surprising Elliot and now she could.

-SVU-

Olivia had asked Fin to shoot her a text when Elliot decided to leave so she could heat the food in time. He was finally on his way, oblivious of the fact that she was here, on the floor of his living room, sitting on a picnic blanket with dinner ready, wearing only a satin robe. He called earlier but she blew him off and he promised to call when he got home. It really was hard for her to leave Serena. It wasn't Bernie, no, not at all and she was glad that she was able to put that idea out of the woman's head. It was just her over protective motherly instincts. Her daughter practically pushed her into the car but Liv held on, smothering her in kisses, making the young teen smile. When she pulled away, she was comforted to see her baby surrounded by her grandmother, Maddie, and Gladys who decided to stay for dinner since the prep was done in her kitchen and it all smelled so good. Serena had made a spread that would make Bobby Flay jealous and Liv's stomach was growling just sitting here smelling it all. She had just peeked through the window and saw Elliot walking from his car. It wouldn't do any good for her to be caught like this if he wasn't alone. She finally heard the key in the lock and positioned herself.

The first thing he noticed was the flickering lights before he was even fully inside. Candles? The second thing he noticed was a delicious smell and when he finally closed the door behind him and took the two steps in to reach his living room, he saw one of the most beautiful sights. Olivia, his Liv was laying on his floor with those damn long legs bare and stretched out to the side. He raked his eyes over her thighs to the cleavage the open robe revealed and finally, he found her face where his gaze rested on her eyes.

"Hi." Hi? Smooth Stabler. Look at her. Look at all this and all you can muster up to say is hi?

"Hi yourself" she said, straightening up so she was sat on her knees. "Care to join me for dinner?" She opened her arms to make a big show of the display in front of her. "Our daughter thought you might be hungry and she'd rather you not have fast food."

"Serena made this? She graduated from pies and muffins I see. Wait, you left her? Liv, I'm not sure that was the best idea for overnight."

"El, stop. She will be fine. They will be fine" she insisted as she pulled him down to his knees and began kissing his neck. Her hands were expertly unbuttoning his dress shirt and roaming his bare chest. His hands entangled in her hair as he pulled her mouth up to meet his. Before either of them knew it, their make out session led to Elliot sitting with Liv in his lap with him wearing nothing more than his boxer briefs and his socks. He laid her down on her back as he held himself over her.

"Liv, I'm hungry" he said in a low, raspy tone.

That brought Liv up short. "Okay, well the food is hot and…"

"The food is not the only thing that's hot luv, and it's not what I wanna eat" he clarified as he worked his mouth down her neck towards her chest, opening her robe and settling on her pebbled nipple. He coveted these breasts for almost twenty years. "Liv, how long has it been since a man worshipped you?"

She was so caught up in anticipation that she lost her filter, forgetting ot be embarrassed, answering immediately and encouraging him to continue. "Too long. El, you're the last man to touch me. Before the night I woke up drugged, I don't remember."

Damn! That was both sad and a huge ego boost. He knew what it was like to go without and have to self-serve, but not for over a decade! He hadn't had sex with anyone since before the divorce until that fantastic morning last month that he took his mom to church, so he knew the longing. While he sucked, pulled, and teased her perfect breasts with his tongue, his other hand was working its way down to her core. He discovered she was drenched. "So wet already" he muttered as he made a trail of kisses down her abdomen until his mouth met his hand. Liv let out a gasp as he spread her legs wider, fitting his shoulders in between. He owed her gentle attention after their last encounter up against the door. As his lips sucked her clit, he pressed one finger inside and felt her clench already. She wasn't going to last long. He licked and stroked up and down her folds as he inserted another finger inside, stretching and curving just the slightest bit upward. She screamed. There it was, the sound he loved so much.

Elliot continued to work his fingers faster as his lips sucked on her little bundle of nerves. She was writhing on the floor and he had to reposition himself to hold her steady. He chanced a look up and saw her with her eyes closed and her mouth open, panting in ecstasy. He knew it was time and with one more swipe of his tongue, she exploded. His fingers were trapped inside as she clenched through her orgasm. Just when it felt like she crested the wave and was on her way down, he used his teeth, ever so gently and she was lost, again, screaming as her legs were shaking, her hands pressing down on his head that was trapped between her thighs. He was not about to stop and let go yet. He wanted every bit of her. But the best part was that his chin and hand were dripping, and the blanket was soaked. He loved being able to do that to her. His Liv. His partner. His soulmate.

God damn this man! Holy fucking shit. The things he can make me do with just his hands, his mouth, his...shit! As Elliot was removing his fingers, Liv's thoughts got the better of her as one more orgasm shot through her. She was breathing so heavily that she thought she might need a mask and tank herself as her eyes rolled in her head. As she slowly came down from her high, she heard Elliot laughing, his head still between her wide open legs. Since he had stopped his ministrations when the third orgasm hit her, he was in a position to just watch her body's reaction. It was sexy as fuck.

"What's so funny?" she managed to say.

He stopped chuckling for a moment to speak. "Where did that last one come from? Damn woman!"

"Fuck you" she managed to say as she straightened up and caught his lips. She could taste herself on his tongue. He pulled back and had to have a witty comeback.

"Not yet, baby. Soon. Let's feed you first."

-SVU-

As they ate, they chatted about all sorts of things from what will happen once they were both "retired" to Liv telling him everything that she learned from Serena before her hospital stay. In retrospect, Liv realized that may not have been the best idea for conversation. Elliot was so pissed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you" she said sadly.

He popped his head up. "No! Liv, no. I want to know...I need to know everything. That child is going to have such a screwed-up view of sex because of that motherfucker and we need to be able to help her." It rendered Liv speechless. He studied her face and realized he could stare at her this way for eternity. Her hair was mussed, her face was flushed from three consecutive orgasms, her mouth was full, and her robe hung open. Catching quick glances across their desks for all these years was so much time wasted when he could just sit and devour her with his eyes. She however, seemed self-conscious after a while and ducked her head. He reached out and held her chin, forcing her to look at him. She raised her eyebrows in question.

"Liv, why exactly did you leave?" When she furrowed her eyebrows, he clarified. "We were having such a great time with all the kids and then the kitchen thing happened, and you got angry, which made me angry and then you left. I still don't understand." He looked genuinely confused.

"El, let's….this is so wonderful and we don't get this, at all so please…" she begged.

He shook his head. "No, we're not doing that anymore. We are not running away Liv; do you understand that? Either of us. No. More. Running. No more avoiding uncomfortable issues, hell I just had my tongue inside your vagina so nothing can be uncomfortable anymore!" At that her eyes went wide, and her cheeks flushed a deep red and her jaw dropped. "Don't be embarrassed. It was absolutely incredible, and I am looking forward to when you'll allow me to do it again." Her eyes were downcast when he spoke and now she closed them, but smirked. He still couldn't get over the fact that his tough as nails partner, who could dominate any man, including him anytime, is shy when it comes to declarations of how wonderful she is. Must come from lack of praise and displays of affection as a child. He vowed to change that too.

He softened his tone and once again tilted her face up. "What I'm saying is, we have to be beyond that now. It doesn't work. You have this thing with Serena about being open and honest. It's scary how you two talk sometimes but we need it to be that way between us too. Yeah, we will piss each other off, probably more often than not but that isn't new. We may need space from each other but please, please from now on just let that space be like outside by the dunes or a shopping trip or something. I don't want to spend another night away from you that is not essentially work related, and you know that won't be for much longer. I want us to talk, yell, cry, whatever it takes to communicate how we feel Liv. You told Serena her feelings matter, she in turn told the girls that their feelings matter so you have to know that our feelings matter too. You matter. Shit, I... This communication thing isn't as easy as it seems in my head."

Liv searched his eyes for several moments. She didn't realize just how much she loved him until this moment. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She repeated the action a couple more times while he waited patiently. She took a deep breath, let it out, and the words finally formed. "I promise, no more running. Yes, I was angry. I was so angry at you that morning, at your kids. Now I realize it wasn't real anger, more of a type of jealousy. I love your children Elliot, all of them. I always have but it wasn't until then I understand how it feels to think that your children can do no wrong. The difference was, Serena never has done anything wrong. Never, but they did that morning. You...no. I felt that you are always so frustrated with her, impatient which is surprising, but not out of the realm of belief. But to concentrate on that day, I was running on so little sleep because hanging out with the entire Stabler crew has always stressed me out a bit." When she saw the look on his face, she corrected.

"What I mean is, I spent so long standing behind you, keeping my distance, just being an outsider and family friend that it is hard to be with them and stand beside you as... Couple that with the anxiety that was rolling off Serena, then wondering what the hell happened that caused her to run out of the house in that state. She was stuck in a flashback caused by the chaos in the kitchen. The kids were all screaming at each other and it triggered her. Then suddenly you come out and calmly say you're treating everyone to breakfast and I thought, 'Well that doesn't seem fair.' When she calmed down enough, that was when she told me how confused she was about her physical reactions and what The Doctor told her. That shit is hard enough to explain to an adult victim that was raped once, let alone my thirteen-year-old daughter who was cared for and tortured by the same man. So, I hope you can understand that by the time we were both able to get on with our day and we walked into that kitchen, saying we were taken aback is a bit of an understatement.

"Then you were angry that we cleaned. What the fuck were we supposed to do? Yes, you said leave it, but we were hungry and we didn't know when you'd be back. We are guests in your mother's house and what? We were supposed to ignore it? Stand there and prepare food around that mess? The smell was atrocious, and you acted like we were at fault! I snapped. I felt like…" She just shook her head.

Elliot took a deep breath. When his mother ripped into him, he figured out that Liv was beginning to feel like an equal and he inadvertently made her feel like that outsider again. "Yeah, Mom let me have it. I'm so sorry Liv. I never meant to make you feel less than you are to me. I have never picked one child over another but you're right. That day, Serena...well not just that day but she terrifies me, and I don't know how to handle that. It's hard to explain but the blondes are familiar, natural to me. I know how to handle them all, good and bad but that little mini-you...I feel inadequate around her, like I have no idea what I'm doing when I have been a father for over three decades and an SVU "expert" for almost as long. I seem to do everything wrong around her and you had every right to get angry. When the two worlds collide…" he released a breath and shook his head. He still wasn't explaining it right, but Liv now knew. She understood.

She reached over and placed her hands on his cheeks. "You're getting better at this communication thing" she joked before leaning in and kissing him. "Before we move on to dessert" she said as she pulled back. "Let's check in. I left before dinner and I need to make sure Serena and Bernie are okay. Well, I mean I know they're okay, Maddie is spending the night, but this is the first time…" she seemed to be embarrassed and stopped herself from finishing the sentence. Serena was fricken thirteen and essentially on her own for the past two years.

Elliot stroked her cheek. "What did we agree on? Don't be embarrassed for how you feel luv. This is the first night away from your daughter, literally, not just since she got back. You have every right to want to check-in. Come on" he said as he stood up, pulling her with him. "Let's call my mom about our daughter."

There was quite a lot of noise in the beach house when the phone rang. Bernie answered right before the machine picked up. "Hello?"

"Hi Bernie, I know it's late, but I was just checking in. I figured Maddie would answer. What are you still doing up?" Liv could hear laughter in the background; Serena's laughter.

"Hi dear, we are all fine. Great in fact. How was dinner with Elliot?"

"Wonderful, thanks. What's going on over there?" Liv knew that Bernie usually retired around 9:15 and it was well after 10:30 yet it sounded like three in the afternoon.

"We all went for a walk after dinner when we saw my neighbor Adelaide on the beach. Adelaide lives about 6 houses down and hardly ever leaves her house to socialize, plus she's not the most welcoming woman after all so it was unusual to see her. Well there she was scolding her grandson, she's always scolding him for something, and he is the most polite, respectful young man. Anyway, he was holding two dogs with a rope. Apparently, it was his fault that Adelaide's golden retriever got pregnant and it was his job to find homes for the litter. He had two left and as soon as we came close enough, they slipped away and ran right to Serena. They hopped around her feet until she bent down and then they just attacked her with licks and kisses, tails wagging. She got the biggest smile Olivia and she was giggling. What was I supposed to do?"

Liv had a feeling Bernie didn't try very hard to do anything other than take those puppies home. "So, what are their names?" she asked with a smile.

"Oh I'm so glad you're not angry. I wasn't sure how you would react, this are bound to get a bit rowdy, but I had a good feeling. There is a completely black one, which is rare for a golden, and a very orange one-Samson and Delilah. They are just the sweetest things Olivia. You're going to love them, and they have been making Serena happy for hours. I'm just glad we were able to save Salomon from Adelaide's tirades. Poor boy." Bernie moved into the other room and lowered her voice. "She still hasn't spoken dear, but she went to the bathroom when Maddie asked her too; however, she had Maddie hold her hands when she moved her bowels and she got teary. I think she's still in pain but she's been puppy playing ever since."

Liv was able to relax a bit more knowing Serena used the bathroom and seemed to be happy. "Please send me a picture? And thank you so much again. A house and puppies all in the same day!" They laughed as Elliot just looked on in confusion. "Good night Bernie, I'll see you sometime tomorrow afternoon."

After she hung up the phone, Elliot gave her the oddest look. "Wanna tell me something?" he asked.

"We now have two new puppies. Golden retrievers named Samson and Delilah. Serena is already attached." She began to walk towards the bathroom knowing he was right behind her. She looked over her shoulder and said, "Oh, and Bernie put the house in Serena's name, in trust until her eighteenth birthday." With that, she closed the bathroom door. She meant it as a great surprise for him. How amazing was it that the home he so desperately wanted them to feel was theirs, now actually was?!

Elliot had half a mind to barge right in, instead he spoke loudly through the door. "My mother left the beach house to Serena? Why?"

Damn. This is exactly what Olivia was talking about earlier. She finished up and opened the door, not at all surprised to see Elliot standing right in the doorframe. "Why shouldn't she leave the house to Serena?"

He answered instantly, which he was quick to realize was not the best idea. "Because she has five grandchildren who may want to share that house." Yep, that look she just gave him was like a punch in the face. "I mean…"

"I know what you mean" she interrupted. "She has six grandchildren Elliot. So, Serena has to stand in line behind the Stabler children who, according to Bernie, have never spent more than a total of eight full days in that house over the years? You may not want to believe it Elliot, but your mother knows what she's doing more often than not, and she has every right to do as she pleases with her own house. It's not the "family house," it's hers. Serena loves that place, she adores her grandmother and she deserves to call it home." She pushed past him into the bedroom where she grabbed her bag from the floor and put it on the bed.

"Right, so what we just talked about meant nothing. Go, go ahead and run I can't believe you!" He yelled and walked into the kitchen to get a beer.

Liv threw on her favorite sleep shirt and pulled out her moisturizer before grabbing a pillow and blanket off the bed. She stormed into the kitchen after him. "You asshole! So what, my promises aren't worth anything? I told you I wasn't going to run and as soon as we have a disagreement, that's what you think? You just assume without asking!" She threw the bedding at him and turned away. "I deserve more than that. My daughter deserves more than to be last in the pecking order because she didn't grow up a Stabler. She finally has someone else who wants to do right by her, and I damn well am not going to stand in the way. Have a good night Elliot!" she yelled before closing his bedroom door and locking it. She jammed the chair under the knob for good measure. She could have gotten dressed and drove home, or at least back to her own apartment, but she did say she wasn't going to run, and she won't if for no other reason than to prove him wrong.

-SVU-

She just slammed my own door in my face. My fucking bedroom door! She locked herself in there and...she didn't run. We fought and she didn't run. She said she wouldn't and...fuck! I am an asshole. I just royally fucked up. Elliot laid on his couch for quite some time, berating himself for his behavior. He jumped to conclusions that he promised he wouldn't, no wonder she was angry. She had every right to be. She came here to surprise him, and he should be in that room making love to her. Instead, he's out on this fricken hard ass couch while she's alone in his bed. Well, he had to do something about that. He looked at the clock, 12:15. He knew she wasn't sleeping, not after everything.

She heard him knock and didn't acknowledge. She knew having a relationship with Elliot wasn't going to be easy. They were both stubborn, hard-headed, opinionated, and dominant but she was more than willing to try. So, so willing that she realized she wanted it more than anything. He was wrong. He was wrong and she was right. She had to keep telling herself that before she opened the door and begged him to forgive her for making such a big deal. Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Liv, I know you're awake. Please open the door."

She turned her face into the pillow that smelled so much like him. She didn't realize that she was holding back tears until she had to take a breath.

Could he have been wrong, and she was actually sleeping? There was nothing but silence on the other side of the door. She could ignore him better than anyone but come on! He was just about to shout a little louder when he heard it. He heard her take in a breath that sounded like she was swallowing a sob. God damn it! Why the fuck is she crying? I'm the one who was the asshat.

"Liv, honey please? Please open the door?" pleasepleaseplease…. He heard the shuffle and something move. Did she block the door with something? Was she assuming I was going to barge in? Well, she had every right to if that's what she was thinking. When she opened the door, his heart dropped into his stomach. She stood there looking down, with her arms crossed against her chest. Her hair was messy like she was tossing and turning and what he could see of her face made him want to punch himself out.

"I'm so sorry. I…" he began when she looked up. Her eyes were shiny with unshed tears, but she was losing the battle to keep them at bay.

"You said… I promised…" she couldn't get the words out. He could tell she was fighting anger, but sadness was winning, and it was his fault. He reached out to grab her. She shook her head and stepped back saying, "No, no, no." He felt like he was stabbed through the heart, but he wasn't giving up. He wrapped his arms around her, and she released the sound of the tears that she was trying desperately to hold in. Liv cried so much these past two years, but not counting the night in the alley, she always tended to do it silently so as not to draw attention to herself. Liv never wanted to be a burden on anyone. He's only heard this sound a handful of times over the last twenty years, the sound of her heart breaking, and it was always when she was desperate. A proper, uncontrolled cry. He hated himself for causing her to make it now. He held on tighter and finally, she wrapped her arms around him also.

"What hurts my love?" She was gripping him and shaking when it hit him, the answer to his own question. "I hurt you. I told you we could have space to talk or cry or be alone and then when you do just that, I got angry and accused you of running away. You always kept your word and I didn't believe you." He pulled her impossibly tighter and she held on except now her cries have gone quiet once again. "It hurts because I love you. It's the first time that you've had that. I am so sorry honey."

That was it. She couldn't put her finger on it. The two of them have gone head to head, loudly, for years but this argument was different. She felt physically hurt and she couldn't understand why. Now she knew. Love hurts. Love hurts like a mother fucking bitch. Other than her mother, Elliot was the only one who could make her heart hurt. But this now, his arms securely around her, acknowledging her feelings and apologizing, this made her feel better.

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