Chapter 43

"Raise your right hand" bellowed the court officer and Serena immediately froze. Her breathing stopped, her head whipped up, her eyes wide and terrified. She was looking into the face of terror.

"Steven" she said barely above a whisper and if the courtroom weren't quietly attuned to try and hear every word, it would have been inaudible, even with the microphone. As it was, those who knew her best heard it. Olivia and Fin were out of their seats immediately. Liv was trying to get over Elliot, or at least get him to move because it took him a second longer to make the connection to the name. Fin hopped over the railing and before he got his gun out of the holster, the bailiff had Serena, gun to her head, hand in a vice-like grip around her abdomen.

The courtroom erupted in chaos then. It seemed only the three detectives knew what was happening. "FREEZE" shouted Fin as he tried to aim his shot. Steven hid his head behind Serena's, holding her back against his chest for coverage. He moved his hand from her stomach to up under her dress, presumably, since no one could really tell, between her legs for effect, causing Liv to cry out. Something in Serena snapped and she let out a primal scream.

"NOOOOOO! Let me go asshole! My family knows who you are and they're gonna kill you!" She wasn't going to let him hurt her again, not now that she knew she was free, so she began kicking her feet, landing on his shins more often than not. She immediately stopped when she heard him cock the gun. It was right up against her ear. She looked straight at Fin. "Shoot him Uncle Fin. Please." Her voice wavered on the last word, but she didn't stutter. "I won't survive him again."

Fin slowly moved towards the jury box, the twelve members huddled down in the middle, while Elliot slowly moved the other way. Both were looking for a shot but had bad angles. If he was shot, he would do damage as he fell to the ground. That is if his finger didn't pull the trigger on her head first. Olivia was right in the middle, hands up in surrender and unarmed.

"Please, please let her go and we can deal. Right now, your only crime is holding a young girl hostage in court; you haven't hurt her. Mr. Barba can work with you on that if you just let her go." Olivia's voice was steady and soothing even though on the inside she was screaming. Serena wouldn't look at her, choosing instead to keep her eyes on Fin but Liv could see the fight and the fear in them; after all without going into any detail, she said that Steven was the worst of them.

"Bullshit" the bailiff spat in response. "I know she'd never say jack about anything that went on." He moved his hand and laughed, giving the impression that he was impaling the girl to give him leverage. Serena shouted again and struggled in his arms.

"Baby stop!" screamed Elliot. He was scared that she would force the bastard's hand to pull the trigger, either by accident from her struggle or on purpose to make her stop. She hung still and stared at the floor.

The bailiff looked towards The Doctor. "This one, man. This one… you were right, but did you think I was going to just stand by and let you bury me? Huh?! The shit I did, we did… I go down, so do you man!" Before The Doctor could respond, and he didn't look like he was going to, Serena spoke up again.

"You deserve to rot in hell. No. Hell is too good for you!" She bent her legs up high and directed her energy towards Fin alternating her eyesight between his face and down where her feet grazed Steven's belt buckle. "FUCKING SHOOT HIM! Don't worry about hitting me. He's the one Uncle Fin. He's the…" She felt his hand cover her private mound now that she was pushed up with her legs high and apart. "NOT AGAIN! Not again. Not again." She squeezed her eyes shut tight and began a desperate chant while trying desperately to keep control of her crying.

Carlson said nothing. His attorney, along with everyone else had taken cover. He was flanked by police officers, but he sat at the table, quietly watching the scene unfold. He heard what the girl just said, and he was going to use it as soon as he could speak with his lovely attorney. Steven moved towards the side door. He knew the configuration of the room made a clean shot nearly impossible from their positions and he obviously planned ahead.

"We said freeze asshole" ordered Elliot. "One more step and I shoot." He and Fin continued their forward progress and he wished to hell that Olivia would get the fuck back, but he knew she wouldn't, not with Serena in that position. They couldn't see exactly where his left hand was, but they had an idea the minute Serena screamed out.

"Fuck you!" shouted Steven as he ducked through the side door, blocking or bolting it shut somehow. Fin and Elliot attacked it head on, but it wouldn't budge. They were calling for battering rams and using chairs to no avail. All hell broke loose but all they could hear was Serena screaming. She seemed to be arguing, denying him and fighting but they also knew he wasn't about to let that gun go. Rollins and Carisi were giving orders to clear the court, cover the exits, and all the other stuff when they heard a gunshot followed by silence. Olivia, in both panic and full Badass Benson mode, whipped around, grabbed a uni's sidearm, and shot the door three times until it opened. When they charged through, they stopped dead in their tracks. Serena had a literal smoking gun in her hand, standing over the body of a very dead court officer. When she heard them approach, she aimed the gun again, this time in their direction.

"Whoa!" Olivia and Elliot said at the same time. Olivia shoved the gun she held backwards into Fin's hand knowing the uni would get it from him. Elliot put his back in his holster. The room, an office adjoining the judge's chambers, began to fill with cops at the ready.

"Put the guns down!" Fin commanded. "Down! Down, now!"

Elliot was fixated on his daughter but when he heard Fin's shout, the cop in him took over. He turned towards those entering the room. "Don't shoot! I am in charge and I say holster your weapons! You shoot my kid, and I WILL shoot you. Stay back!" The officers knew to follow orders, even though it looked like the commanding officers were in imminent danger from the young girl. They put down their weapons but held their positions.

While all that was going on, Olivia caught her daughter's eyes, but she could tell that Serena was far away. The earlier fight was replaced by pure fear and shock. Since she gave her gun away, she held up her hands again. "Baby, it's okay. Serena, it's okay no one is going to hurt you." It didn't matter that she had a gun pointed right at her heart, the same gun that was just used to put what looked like two bullets into a man twice her size. It didn't matter because that gun was in Serena's hands and she knew that no matter what, the girl wouldn't shoot her. All she had to do was get her to focus. Liv continued forward and not a sound was made as she came within a hair's breadth of the muzzle touching her chest. She held Serena's gaze and she spoke calmly and soothingly. When she was able, she slowly moved her arm forward, wrapping her hand around her daughter's, pointing the gun to the floor and slightly to the side. It took a minute, but she was able to wrench the gun from the girl's grip and pass it back to Elliot without breaking eye contact. Once she did, Serena's arms fell to her sides and Liv grabbed her into a hug. The girl didn't hug back, but in that moment, it didn't matter.

-SVU-

It felt like she was in a cloudy tunnel. Her whole body ached, but mostly her head was pounding. Who tightened the vice around her temples? She could hear Elliot barking orders, but he sounded so far away. Her mother was speaking directly into her ear, but Olivia had no idea that all Serena could hear was a high-pitched tone; everything else was muffled. She felt her mother's tight grip around her shoulders as she was being led out of the room into the hallway. The light seemed blinding and although her transitions didn't work indoors, the natural tint they had was helpful. Nevertheless, she squeezed her eyes shut. Olivia was speaking to some men in blue uniforms...cops? No, paramedics. Liv tried to get her to focus on her words and although Serena tried, she remained in that cloudy tunnel.

They seemed to be trying to push her onto a bed, no, a gurney so she bent her knees. Olivia wasn't prepared for that move and it took her a moment to adjust. The EMT's must have been told not to touch her because they jerked forward but stopped in their tracks. Amanda was there though, and she helped Olivia catch Serena and situate her properly. She thinks she cried out, but she wasn't sure. If only her head were free and the damn shrill tone would quiet down! It was very hard to stay upright so she laid down on her side; Olivia never lost physical contact, not even when they got to the hospital.

-SVU-

As soon as Olivia grabbed Serena, the room burst into a flurry of activity. Elliot and Fin were shouting orders as the room was a crime scene and they didn't want to risk contaminating evidence. Once organization was attained, Elliot turned towards his family. "Liv, she…"

"She needs a hospital El. ROLLINS!" Olivia bellowed but she didn't have to yell since Amanda was entering the room to assist.

"Shit" the detective exclaimed as she entered and did a quick assessment of the situation. "Yeah Sarge?"

"Do we have a bus?" When the blonde nodded and indicated that they were already waiting, Liv continued. "Okay. Help me Amanda. Please?" She needn't have asked as the whole squad would bend over backwards if she asked them to, in fact she didn't even have to ask.

"LIV!" Elliot forcibly interrupted. He was an NYPD Lieutenant, and this is a crime where the only witness/suspect is being taken away. Olivia knew this but she wasn't hearing any of it.

"Self-defense Elliot. There is absolutely no argument against it, you know that. Everyone here knows that. She will be checked for GSR at the hospital and all the forensics will match up, after everything else." When she saw the look he was giving her, she faltered and a sheen appeared in her eye but she'd be damned if she would shed a tear in front of half the Manhattan police force. She lowered her voice and addressed the only man she ever loved as she reached forward and pulled his forehead to hers, and never letting go of her child spoke so only he could hear. "Jesus Fucking Christ El." That about summed it up. She gave him a quick peck on the lips and turned away.

"Carisi, go with them. Stay until we clear things up here. I know I don't have to explain why." The young detective nodded and moved to join his partner and former sergeant. Technically no one knew what happened once the door was closed. All they knew was that Serena was holding a smoking gun and there was a once respected court officer shot dead at her feet. They were now involved in a homicide investigation and until the evidence came back otherwise, Serena was the perpetrator. Deep down Sonny knew she would be cleared before the day was through, but damn after everything that poor kid has been through. It was now his job to keep her in custody, so to speak. He found Olivia in the hallway speaking to the EMT's and he caught her telling them to approach with caution and only when necessary.

Olivia's mind was racing but she wouldn't give any single thought more than a cursory once over other than getting Serena to the hospital. The hospital would clear everything up. She didn't need the evidence; she knew that somehow Serena got hold of that gun and shot the bastard that she said was the worst of the worst. Her poor baby took someone's life, albeit in self-defense but one never gets over that. When she buckled at the knees, Liv knew the girl was in serious shock, more than she originally thought. It was the scream that ripped from Serena's throat when they tried to get her to sit that cleared Liv's head a bit. Serena never complained of her aches and pains until they were unbearable so for her to scream like that, it had to be bad. He had his hand up her dress and presumably down her pants; he didn't have time to rape her, but a lot can happen with a psychotic sicko in a few moments. They couldn't get the fucking door open! Once she was laying on her side and the medics had gotten them in the elevator (which Liv was sure Serena would protest but shock and all), Liv realized just how much the girl was shaking. Shaking like she was lying in a massage chair. She let the paramedics know but they continued to be as hands off as possible. In an attempt to give her daughter some privacy, Liv ordered Carisi and Rollins to follow in the squad. It was against procedure, but they were family and where were they going to go?

Presbyterian Hospital Downtown was waiting for them and they had the room prepared for Serena. Dissociation came second nature to her now, but she was aware and as soon as the doctor went to examine her, she bolted to the corner of the room. She fought and screamed; nothing coherent but it was obvious she didn't want to be touched.

"I saw the way he held you Serena" Liv began in an almost repeat of their positions at the courthouse. "Did he hurt you?" With any other victim, Liv would try to convince her to submit to the rape kit, but she'd be damned if she would force her daughter to do anything against her will. Serena was able to focus enough to shake her head. "Okay. Did he have his hand down your pants? His hands, his fingers baby they are both assault and…" She stopped as she watched Serena shake her head with conviction. She then grabbed her crotch and held it there. Liv took that to mean that the bastard was only on the outside.

Serena was still very fuzzy, but she knew she had to convince her mother that she was fine or else she'd be subjected to a different kind of horror. She was not about to put herself through a rape kit, she just wanted to go home. She knew there was quite a bit of scraping and bruising from that bastard, but nothing that she hadn't experienced before on multiple occasions. Her body would heal as always.

Olivia knew that somehow her tough-as-nails child managed to escape the fucker's grasp and get a hold of the gun. They heard one shot, but he was bleeding from two places when they barged in. Liv would know more after speaking to Elliot. It was now four hours later, and Serena was awake on the gurney staring at her hands in her lap, wearing an outfit Amanda grabbed from her car and Carisi's suit jacket since her court clothes were taken as evidence. She still wouldn't stop shaking, like her adrenaline was still on overdrive. She wouldn't acknowledge any questions or touches and that frightened Olivia most of all. If she flinched, as she usually did, that would make her mother feel better, but this unresponsiveness was unnerving to say the least. Everyone knew who Serena was and what had happened to her, as she had feared, so the doctors were just waiting for some final lab results to come back before discharging her. They all agreed that she would best recover at home, under the watchful eye of her home health aide (to which Olivia did not deny or expand).

When Elliot finally arrived, Serena was ready to go. She was sitting in a wheelchair staring at her lap, but at least she seemed better focused. Olivia knew Elliot arrived as soon as he busted through the double doors down the hall. That sense of awareness they shared only increased once they admitted their feelings for each other. She ushered the detectives inside so they could also hear what he had to say. Fin was following him. Elliot immediately pulled Liv in and hugged her tightly; she held on to both him and her emotions. The room was silent.

As they pulled apart, he immediately asked, "How is she? How bad was it?" They hadn't spoken since they left the crime scene. Olivia explained to him what the doctor said and that they were ready to go home. Everyone waited quietly for Elliot to lose his shit, but he just said, "We couldn't get the fucking door open fast enough. Liv..." He turned to address Serena even though she wouldn't look at him. "We examined the gun angel. I'm so sorry." Olivia looked confused, as did the younger detectives.

Fin spoke then. "They found vaginal fluid on the gun barrel. We heard the one shot, but there were actually three. One went into the wall on the opposite side of the room. He knew this was it, we were getting in that room and he was getting out dead or in handcuffs, but he probably figured dead with all of NYPD tryna bust down the door. But this little Benson, she's a fighter. From what we could piece together, after he… well she managed to free herself and probably the gun went off in the process before she grabbed it and pulled the trigger. It had to be at the same time you shot at the lock or we would have heard the other two shots. There was no other time." He bent down to catch Serena's eye but even though she still wouldn't look up, he spoke directly to her. "No one blames you. No one will prosecute you. You shot in self-defense. You did good Baby Girl. Real good."

Elliot was squeezing Liv from behind as Fin filled her in. She turned around and said, "He… She won't agree to an exam...she's probably… Oh God! El!" Her grip was rock solid, and she trying her best to remain outwardly calm. Elliot was talking directly in her ear so not to embarrass her even more until finally she said, "Take us home now please." The nurse directed him to bring his car around to the side of the building and once they were loaded, Fin and Rollins were in the back of the squad car Carisi drove and turned left, giving the press someone to follow while Elliot went right and headed for the tunnel to Jersey. As it was this morning, the car was subdued. Olivia reached back to pat her daughter's leg when she saw that Serena had once again folded in on herself, making herself as small as possible against the door. This time though, Olivia didn't ask Elliot to pull over so she could switch seats. She knew Serena didn't want to be touched and she just wanted to get them both home. 112 minutes later, the Jeep slowed down to a crawl as it approached the security gate. Fin called ahead and made sure the extra guards were on duty once again because the press was unrelenting. There is none better than private security though because the paparazzi couldn't get anywhere near the truck and they were able to sail on through.

Bernie was sitting on the patio when they arrived. Serena seemed to come to life the moment they got home because she unbuckled and opened her door. She slowly walked through the house and out the back and when she saw her grandmother stand up, she ran and threw her arms around the older woman's neck and began sobbing. Not just sobbing, doing that scream cry thing she did once before. Bernie was surprised and as hard as she tried, she couldn't hold the girl's dead weight and she began to go down. Thankfully Maddie and Olivia were on the ball, grabbing them both and lowering them to the ground. Bernie just held on tight, petting Serena's hair and back, whispering soothing things in her ear. Olivia had her head on Serena's back, and she lost her fight to hold in the tears as well. Kathleen stopped pretending to read and just watched, as did the aide. Once Elliot came out, all eyes were on him, but he just shook his head.

"She'll be okay. We'll all be okay." His voice was devoid of emotion and they had no idea what happened at the courthouse. As far as they were concerned, Serena was testifying all day and it was probably heart-wrenching. "I need a shower. Maddie, walk with me please?" He went inside with his mother's assistant and explained what happened. Liv would need her help tending to Serena, who surely had some unseen damage, while encouraging her to continue to use the bathroom. Yeah, that battle would be waged again, and it would probably be just as painful if not more so. He felt that they were going right back to square one. It was a never-ending goddamn circle of hell. Maddie nodded her understanding and placed her hand on Elliot's elbow.

"You and Olivia are victims in this too, hurting almost as much as your daughter. Serena has so many angels looking out for her right now, but don't forget to take care of yourself because they'll be looking to you. Don't be too proud or afraid to lean on them, they need that also. Use me, it's why I'm here. Feel, Elliot." And with that, she left him.

The ladies were in exactly the same position when Elliot came back outside about 15 minutes later. It was clear by his red rimmed eyes that he took Maddie's advice while in the shower and let his emotions out. Kathleen stood up and hugged him, which he returned fiercely before kissing her forehead. "Thanks baby. I needed that." He reached down and placed his hands on Olivia's arms, which were wrapped around her middle. "Come on my love, we're home now, let's go inside." It took a minute, but she allowed him to lift her up. They were home and there was no need to put on an act. He nodded to Maddie and brought Olivia to the bathroom where he started her own shower. He could hear Maddie and Kathleen helping Serena and his mother up and inside as well. Before coming back outside, Elliot had set up Serena's breathing machine in their bedroom, knowing Olivia would want to be with her tonight.

Maddie went about the task of making Serena comfortable. The girl was still crying uncontrollably and shaking as if she had frostbite and she knew that the pain between her legs must have been great, but adrenaline and shock still kept that at bay it seemed. Maddie asked Kathleen to tend to Bernie, and make sure she ate dinner. The older woman didn't really need much help, just reminders but since everyone was so emotional, no one wanted anyone to be alone. Kathleen, although still clueless, didn't ask any questions. They were all waiting for them to return to eat together after court, but that obviously wasn't going to happen. Kathleen made her grandmother a plate and after serving herself, returned to the patio and kept her grandmother company. Elliot came out to check, but then headed to the garage. He needed a beer desperately.

Serena was in pajamas and sitting up in the bed still trying to reign in her emotions when Olivia came out of the shower. She was doing that deep-breath-hiccup thing one does after being inconsolably hysterical. Her tears ran unchecked down her cheeks as she sat with her knees under her chin, still staring at her hands. Liv did a rapid change into her lounge pants and Elliot's tee and sat next to her, grabbing Serena's hands in an attempt to ground her to the present. Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect. Serena yanked her hands out of her mother's, balled them into fists and tucked them against her middle. It also brought on a new bout of tears as Serena ducked her head into her knees practically folding herself in half. Maddie quietly left the room.

"I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry that I let that happen to you." Serena began shaking her head and her breathing picked up pace as it was obvious she was disagreeing with Olivia's statement, but she pressed on, tentatively rubbing her daughter's back. Thankfully, she didn't shake her off. "I never, NEVER should have brought you there. You didn't want to go and I…" Liv's voice got low, barely above a whisper, the way it tends to when she tries not to get emotional. "I'm so sorry but I am so proud of you. So unbelievably proud of the way you handled yourself. You defied him. You fought, you got free and you got him. You did that." She didn't know what else to say, so they sat in the silence. Maddie came back with two juice glasses in her hands. Liv knew exactly what was in them and stared at the woman who had also become part of the family, shaking her head. Serena didn't need to look up to know what Maddie was holding. Liv was concerned that neither of them would ever be able to sleep without drugs again. Right now though, she didn't care.

Maddie cocked her head and said simply, "What? Like either of you were gonna just lay down and relax on your own after what happened today?" Neither Benson argued. It took both Olivia and Maddie to get Serena to drink hers without spilling most of it, then Liv took hers in two gulps. When Maddie returned from bringing the glasses to the kitchen, she noticed that Serena's breathing, although still not what it should be, was indeed slowing down. The girl was fighting the effects of the drugs and that was a tremendous concern. She knew the child had built a tolerance to what she was given, but it seems that she's able to adjust to almost anything put in her system. It was something to discuss at a later time. Olivia, however, was doing her best to fight the effects until Serena was ready but of course not much for taking medication of any kind, she was losing. They haven't been able to resist Maddie's concoction yet. "Come darlings, let's get you comfortable." She set about hooking Serena up to her machine while Olivia arranged the covers. Since the teen was still in shock, she was like a doll in Maddie's hands. By the time Maddie was done, Olivia was already out, believing her daughter would sleep. The aide moved across the room and turned on the ac and when she walked back, Serena was folded in on herself as close to her mother as possible. Her eyes were drooping and, like the drugs, the oxygen was doing its job.

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