Ashley by Halsey

Apart from my beatin' heart

It's a muscle, but it's still not strong enough to carry the

Weight of the choices I've made

I told you I'd ride this out

It's gettin' harder every day somehow

I'm burstin' out of myself

October 10th, 1976

A long, rugged gasp crawled its way out of Ivy's throat as she sat straight up in bed. Despite her eyes being open, all she could see was a bloody corpse and glowing scarlet eyes.

"Ivy," someone whispered.

Feeling a hand on her back, she jerked away as it registered that Regulus had fallen asleep beside her. The sound of sheets rustling reached her ears as though from a distance, as her heart was too busy wrenching in her ribcage.

Curling her legs to her chest, sobs heaved out of her like she'd been holding them in for years.

"Ivy," he tried again. "Talk to me."

She pressed her palms into her eyes, wishing she could carve them out of her skull. The image of the Muggle she'd murdered wouldn't leave her head and she gripped herself as though she needed to keep the memory from escaping outside of her form.

Regulus's hand moved to her back again, tentatively, but she didn't shrug it off this time. Instead, she began emitting miserable moans, even as he pulled her against his chest.

"He was d-dead," she remained curled into herself, voice raw and aching. "But I-I didn't even notice. I j-just kept going."

"I know," his voice was barely above a whisper as he began smoothing down her hair.

At the touch, she uncurled and clung to him, her fists tight in his shirt.

"He's all I can s-see," Ivy released another low, pained groan.

She felt Regulus begin to pull away, but her grip tightened. He tried again, but she refused to let him go, eyes squeezed tightly closed.

"Ivy," he said softly. "The only way to stop seeing him is to see me."

His comment caught her off guard long enough that he was able to pry her off him and she found herself sitting upright. She kept her eyes shut, feeling as though it was her duty to keep seeing the Muggle.

Ivy had murdered someone whose name she didn't even know.

"Look at me."

"I can't," she whimpered. "I can't."

"Why not?"

She had little energy for keeping up appearances, and even less willpower. No one had seen her in her entirety in years and she was nothing but herself right then. Regulus liked who she pretended to be, but he wouldn't claim her if he could see who was actually tucked inside her quivering frame.

"Because you see me," another tear slipped down her cheek.

"Please. Ivy, please."

She tilted her head back and opened her eyes, looking down her nose at him.

Regulus seemed surprisingly calm, though certainly concerned, his dark hair fussed from sleep and his clothes equally as ruffled. Dark eyes poured into her, seeing her, feeling her, touching her, and making her chest burn.

It was agony.

"Look at me," he repeated.

"I am."

"Ivy."

Taking a breath, she tilted her head back down, the movement excruciating.

"Why don't you want me to see you?" Regulus took her hand slowly as though any sudden moves would send her screaming down the hallway. Which, they probably would.

"I…" She started. "I can't explain."

"It's alright," he covered both of her hands with his. "This is nothing new to me."

Ivy stared at him.

"Fine," he gave a small smile. "You crying in front of me is new… ish, but you're not new."

"Yes I am," her voice cracked. "I was new when Hazel died and I'm new again tonight. I never wanted either of those things. I never asked to be this way."

"I like the way you are."

"Why?" She couldn't help the resentment that seeped into her voice.

Regulus looked taken aback and was silent, a frown creasing his features.

"See?" Ivy tugged her hands back, wiping her face. "I'm like Bellatrix now. I don't think there's anything left to like."

"You are not like my cousin," Regulus said adamantly.

"The Dark Lord said it himself."

"And just because he says it, that makes it true?"

Ivy opened her mouth, but no words came out.

"You're nothing like Bellatrix," Regulus's voice was painfully earnest. "She's cruel and just… pure evil."

"And I'm not?" She thought it was hypocritical considering the actions they'd both taken that very night.

The Muggle man flashed back to her mind and she put her hands over her face.

"Don't do that," he took her hands in his own again, holding them securely. "I want you to look me in the eyes when I tell you this."

"Tell me what?" Her chest shook, a fresh wave of tears pouring from her eyes. "That I'm not just a younger version of Bellatrix, destined to a life of wickedness? Of murdering innocents, torturing them even once they're dead? This thing on my arm – there's no undoing it. It's who I am now."

"You are not your scars," he persisted. "You won't let your life be that way and neither will I. The only thing you have in common with my cousin is your House. Do you think she would go to the lengths you would to keep me and everyone else you care about safe? Do you think she even has the capacity to do what you did tonight and react with so much regret that I can feel it radiating off of you?"

"No," Ivy admitted reluctantly. "But what happened tonight… What I did -what we did- is unforgivable. And how many more people am I going to have to hurt and torture now that I've got my Mark?"

He pursed his lips and she knew she had him.

"I have to do these things now," Ivy's voice trembled, lacking the control she so desperately longed for. "These cold things that will tear me apart again and again and again. I felt a piece of my… soul leave me."

What was worse, was that she knew where the piece of her soul was.

Inside the silver and opal ring she wore on her pinky finger.

Ivy didn't have a clue what it meant, what implications there would be, or why it had happened when Regulus and Severus had never mentioned such a thing. What she did know was that she was afraid like she had never been before.

"You feel it," Regulus said slowly. "Like how you do with your Divination senses?"

"I don't know," Ivy said quietly, trying to focus on his warm hands encircling hers. "I think it's different, I even feel… different."

"Different how?" If it was possible, he looked more concerned.

Shaking her head, she blew out a long breath.

It was inexplicable and she couldn't put her finger on how she felt altered. She just knew that she was. That something irreversible had changed, that a part of her now lived in her ring.

Merlin, she thought morosely, I'm going mad.

"Why aren't you running to the Dark Lord to tell him all of this?" Ivy dodged his question with her own. "Don't these Marks mean we're eternally faithful?"

"You know where I stand on this," he looked away from her for the first time.

"No, I don't. Feel free to clue me in because I've been wondering."

"So have I. I don't know where I stand anymore," Regulus glanced up at her and began fiddling with her fingers. "Something shifted when I got my Mark."

"Like a piece of your soul was gone?" She asked tentatively.

He met her gaze once more and nodded slowly.

"Do you know where that piece of your soul is?" Ivy pushed.

"No. Do you know where yours is?"

"I don't," she lied automatically.

Instinct told her that what had happened with her ring was an abnormality; something that should never have happened. Evidently, she was on her own. Not that that was anything new.

"Where do you stand now?" Regulus asked uncertainly.

Locking eyes with him, it suddenly occurred to her what dangerous territory she'd put herself in. A spike of panic shot up her spine and she began to pull away, both mentally and physically.

"Don't," his grip on her hands tightened.

The choked tone of his voice made her hesitate, just as she thought to put up the barriers he'd brought down so easily.

"Don't retreat," he begged. "Stay with me for just a little while longer. Please, Ivy, don't leave me alone after tonight."

Ivy knew very well that they couldn't continue with the topic they were on, that she'd already said too much. But she couldn't bear the look on his face, the tears that welled up in his eyes. She wasn't the only one who had gone through an ordeal. He had been right with her the entire night, committing a mutually shared abomination that very well could have split him into pieces as well.

Misguided as he still was, he too didn't want what he'd done.

Doing the only thing she could think to do, Ivy leaned in and kissed him.

When Regulus didn't kiss her back, she pulled away with a question in her eyes.

For the split second that they made eye contact, she saw his dark hues ablaze.

His hand came to the back of her neck, yanking her back in to crush his mouth against hers with a tenacity that set her alight. Kissing him back hard, their tongues fought with each other and she knew there would be no satiating her desire to devour him. Her arms fastened around his neck and her fingers found his hair, firmly capturing the locks in tightened fists.

As though Regulus shared the raging desperation that had begun festering in her gut, he hauled her onto his lap. Body squeezed tight against his firm chest, her thighs locking on either side of his pelvis, Ivy released a moan as his teeth latched onto her lower lip, biting hard.

Feeling his firmness grow, she ground her hips against him in a feral manner that she'd never thought herself capable of.

Regulus's mouth left hers and she let out a whimper of disappointment.

Almost instantly, his lips found her neck and he left her skin tingling and in pain as he sucked and bit at her flesh. Making his way down to her chest as her body quivered, he reached the top of her breasts and began to lavish them with the same ferocious nips and licks.

Making quick work of his shirt and her negligee, they tossed them elsewhere, leaving Ivy in her underwear.

Every thought in her head vanished as she rotated her still concealed wetness against him, tugging hard at his shoulder-length hair. Regulus's hot mouth latched onto one of her breasts, sucking, as his other hand slipped over her hips to grip her arse so hard that she knew there would be bruises.

The idea spurred her on as he bit and plucked at her nipples in the most delicious way, the fingers of her other hand digging into his bare shoulders and down his back. Regulus released a pained sound and she began to pull away, only for him to recapture her neck, moaning a throaty I love it against her skin. Clenching her jaw, she felt the tension between her legs build to a point so achingly close to satisfaction.

As though he could sense it, Regulus pulled her off him. Before she could protest, he slammed her onto the bed, crawling over her form to grind himself against her with one fluid arch of his back.

"I'm not done with you yet," he growled, dark eyes heady as he stared her down, one hand gripping her hip tightly. "You'll come by my mouth or my cock, understand?"

His words very nearly sent her over the edge and all she could do was nod.

She lifted her torso up to kiss him again but he pushed her back down and held her firmly in place, making all the breath in her near-naked body vanish.

"Which is it going to be?" His voice was wild and deep.

"Both," she snapped, frustrated beyond belief.

Ivy only caught his smirk before he kissed her again, claiming her lips as his own. Their mouths tangled in demanding disorder as he roughly yanked her slick panties down her thighs and off her body entirely.

Regulus moved to lick between her breasts and she noticed him tuck her underthings into the back pocket of his pants, which were discarded a moment later. Both completely nude, Ivy went to grab his hardness, wanting to feel the long length and bring him the pleasure he so readily was giving her.

"Not until you've earned it," he snarled, grabbing her hand and pinning it to the bed.

"How do I earn it?" Ivy asked, ready to whimper and beg and slave just to feel him.

"Come for me," he smirked, an entirely too wicked look in his eyes.

Regulus's mouth found her core before she could respond and she let out a loud gasp as he inserted two fingers, curling them delectably. His other hand roughly hauled her legs over his shoulders and his nails dug into her thigh as he licked her.

The powerful sensation between her legs returned in full strength as he sucked the little nub between her legs, fingers pumping in and out of her at an accelerating pace. Her legs shivered uncontrollably as he bit her gently. Back arching and hands having found the dark locks of his hair, she yanked a fistful of it and dug her nails into his scalp.

Ivy's hips began to buck against his mouth despite his best efforts to hold her down on the mattress. Her elation built with every pump of his long fingers, every lick of his skillful tongue, until she cried out. Release sunk into her every pore, reaching all the way down to her toes, which curled with the sensation of spiralling into oblivion. Regulus continued his work as she rode the orgasm, hips still jerking against his hot tongue.

When her movements slowed, sweat damp on her body, he pulled away with an intoxicated grin, licking the middle finger he'd just had inside of her. Ivy let out a mindless laugh as he moved to hover over her, slowly bringing his index finger to her lips.

Holding his stare as her body began to return to normalcy, she leaned forward until his finger reached the back of her throat. Forcing back a gag, she slowly sucked the taste of herself from his skin, a dare in her eyes.

The fingers of his other hand, which had found her hip, dug in, and her eyes dropped to his large, hard length. Looking back up at him, she raised a brow as her own hand encircled him, thumb brushing over the wet tip.

Though Ivy didn't have any experience with cocks, she realised that Theya was right.

It'll come naturally; you'll know what to do, she'd said.

Regulus's head tilted back as he released a low groan, maintaining eye contact. It was enough to tell her that she was allowed to continue, so she slowly began to stroke him up and down. Propping himself up with his forearms, his body lowered to hers, his cock so agonisingly close to where she wanted it.

It was her turn to grin wickedly as she watched him lose the control he'd had only moments before. Continuing with her tantalising pace, she felt him throb in her hand, the sensation going straight through her to relight the fire between her legs.

"You're really going to tease me now?" Regulus released a half-laugh, half-strained breath as his hips pushed into her hand.

"No," she giggled. "That would make me cruel."

And although she wanted to be very, very cruel, she couldn't wait to fuck him.

"It's my first time," she said suddenly, realising that she hadn't told him.

"Really?" He halted, looking her in the eyes.

"Is that bad?" She asked, suddenly unsure of herself.

"No," he leaned in to kiss her. "If anything, it's an honour."

"Yeah?" She smiled when he pulled away.

"Yeah," Regulus grinned back, gently removing her hand from him. "Better let me do it, love. Tell me if you need to stop."

He positioned himself at her still moist entrance, watching her face intently as he slowly pushed inside. Ivy let out a gasp of pain, grabbing his shoulder in surprise.

"Are you alright?" He stopped, a look of concern on his aristocratic features.

She nodded and tapped his shoulder, signalling for him to continue as she breathed through the pain. When he was buried in her to the hilt and began to pull out, she was still hurting. But where he'd been rough before, he'd turned to gentleness and observed her every move as the hurt began to give way to pleasure.

Ivy exhaled slowly as they started to find a rhythm, their mutual concern melting back into sensuality. Regulus began to move quicker and she put a hand on his chest to halt him.

When he looked at her questioningly, she just smiled and switched their positions.

Once he was sitting against her headboard, she straddled his waist and lowered herself onto him with a sigh of satisfaction, thinking that his chest was begging to be scratched.

Making good on her mental note, Ivy's hips began to snap, moving up and down on his groin as the familiar sensation of a rising orgasm procured between her legs. Placing a hand on the headboard, she kissed him deeply, breasts bouncing against his chest while she dug her nails into his firm torso.

Regulus's hips bucked against hers and he moaned her name into her mouth, his hands gripping her bare arse in the most delicious way. She relished the muscle of his abdomen as he gave her arse a firm smack, making her cry for more.

Grinding her pelvis down on him, shockwaves of pleasure fluttered through her body. One of his hands slid over her hip and stomach to grasp a breast, which he gripped hard. When he plucked at her nipple, sending a spiral of rapture down her spine, she dug her fingers hard into his shoulders, coming helplessly near to the edge once more.

"I'm close," Regulus whispered against her mouth, one hand squeezing her arse so hard she delightfully knew he'd leave fingerprints.

"Come for me," she murmured back.

In response, he held her hips still and began to piston into her from below, sending her directly into the mouth of ecstasy. Ivy felt Regulus come inside of her, signalled by a cavernous moan, and she slammed her hips against his over and over as she rode out the exquisite waves of bliss that washed over her body. The thought that he was coming inside of her only made the orgasm more powerful and their hot, sweaty bodies starting slowing against each other as Ivy released a final wail of passion.

In the aftermath, she withdrew from his softening length, casting a quick cleaning spell before they laid together as a mess of tangled limbs. Her body pressed into his side and her hand laid on his chest, monitoring his slowing heart rate, they were quiet in enchanted bliss.

Regulus pressed a kiss to her forehead, stroking her loose white hair as they recovered.

After a few moments of silence, Ivy propped her head up on a hand to look him in the face. "So what now?"

"You and your need to control everything," he said teasingly. "We don't need to figure it out now."

"No?" She raised her brows.

"Do you want to figure it out now?"

"No, but-" She was cut off by Regulus kissing her.

Ivy pulled away with a laugh. "Stop, I'm trying to-"

"I'm trying to get you out of your head for once."

"I was already out of my head more than once tonight."

"I can make it happen again," he raised a brow suggestively.

Ivy narrowed her eyes at him. She knew she should talk to him, really talk to him and find out where they stood, since they both seemed to avoid the topic at all costs. But she was very much enjoying the post-sex bliss she'd never before gotten to have, much less with him.

"Well," she laughed, moving to straddle his lap. "I'm not about to say no."