You by The Pretty Reckless

You don't want me, no, you don't need me

Like I want you, oh, like I need you

And I want you in my life, And I need you in my life

You can't see me, no, like I see you

I can't have you, no, like you have me

June 17th, 1977

Regulus sat on the stone steps just outside the castle's open front doors. With a yawn, he soaked in the hot air, listened to the sound of insects buzzing about, and relished the knowledge that his fifth year was finally over.

While he was glad the O.W.L. exams were finished, he wasn't feeling too sure about his scores. All in all, he thought he did alright, seeing as he'd been studying in every spare moment. Besides, he wouldn't find out his scores for a while and there was no use pondering them until then.

Glancing down at the schoolbag next to him, he was a bit disappointed that he hadn't had time to read The Secrets of Darkness. He had tried to smuggle the book out of the Library and also tried to use a Doubling Charm on it to no avail. After Ivy had left him with those cryptic words at Slughorn's party, Occulta tenebris, he later found that it loosely translated to the secrets of darkness. It was only a few days ago that, when studying for exams, he had come across a book with that exact title in the Restricted Section.

Hearing footsteps coming from behind, Regulus was shaken out of his thoughts.

Standing, he swung the bag over his shoulder, as he was meant to meet Theya, Severus, and Ariadne once they were through with their exams.

When he turned, he instead found himself a mere metre away from Ivy.

She stopped in her tracks upon noticing him.

Ivy looked downright awful.

It seemed like she hadn't so much as glanced in a mirror for a month. Her bun was lopsided and sloppy as though she couldn't be bothered with it, and her uniform was equally as haphazard. It looked like she had put makeup on ages ago and never bothered to take it off, as some remnants sat smudged under her bloodshot eyes, just above the dark circles.

What worried him most was how unreservedly dejected she looked.

Regulus opened his mouth to say something, he didn't know what, but he could hear others approaching, and Ivy looked over her shoulder. The footsteps stopped as he noticed Theya, Severus, and Ariadne noticing them from down the corridor.

Ivy looked back at Regulus with the saddest smile he'd ever seen.

Then, she reached into her bag, pulled out a bottle of Firewhiskey, and unscrewed the cap. Turning her back to him, she began walking in his mates' direction, head tilted back the entire way as she downed the bottle with a concerning lack of effort.

When Ivy reached Theya, Severus, and Ariadne, who looked both bewildered and uncomfortable, she stopped drinking to lift the bottle in their direction.

"Cheers," he heard her say, as she flicked the bottle cap at them, rounded a corner, and disappeared.

They looked after her for a moment before hurrying down the corridor to Regulus and joining him on the steps beneath the hot sun.

"What did she want?" Ariadne asked quickly.

"Is she alright?" Theya inquired at the same time.

"I-I don't know," Regulus blinked. "Didn't get the chance to say anything to each other."

Ariadne narrowed her eyes at him like he was lying.

Severus lingered back from the group, looking down at the Black Lake longingly, as though he didn't want to be included in the conversation, which he probably didn't.

"She looked awful," Theya said anxiously. "She's never looked that bad, not even when her sister died. Think I should follow her?"

"She's fine," Ariadne waved a hand dismissively.

"I should go check on her, right?" Theya prompted again, ignoring Ariadne entirely.

He stayed quiet.

"Just go," Severus said irritably. "If you don't, I'm going to have to hear about it for a week like when we found out she was in the Hospital Wing."

Theya nodded, seemingly more to herself than to anyone else, and hurried back down the corridor without another word.

Regulus cleared his throat after a moment of awkward silence. "Let's go down to the water, yeah?"

"Please," Ariadne grabbed his hand as the threesome began their descent. "I'm so sick of talking about Ivy."

He made a noncommittal sound, eyes unfocused as he looked toward the mountain range, barely registering the lush greenery.

"I mean, she always thought she was so smart," Ariadne continued. "She always had to be the centre of attention; I could never get a word in edgewise. Honestly, I think we're better off without her."

"I thought you didn't want to talk about Ivy," Severus said through gritted teeth.

"And don't you still hang out with her sometimes?" Regulus added.

"Yeah, but I don't like her," Ariadne huffed. "I'm a socialite; I have to keep up appearances. You know, like Theya being a future politician."

Regulus exchanged a look with Severus that told him they were thinking the same thing.

Theya's friendships were completely different from Ariadne's.

As much as Theya denied it, Regulus knew that she only kept up with people she had genuine interest in. If anything, all her future politician talk was a front so that she could be friends with people who had been deemed socially unacceptable, like the Marauders. Ariadne, on the other hand… Well, Regulus was starting to learn that his girlfriend had a lot to say about people she called friends, and it was rarely good.

It made him wonder what kind of things she said behind his back.

"You know what I mean, right?' Ariadne looked to Regulus.

"Mhm," he mumbled distractedly.

Reaching the end of the path, they found the Black Lake to be rather crowded. Clumps of students sat here and there on the grass or under trees. Some had even waded out into the water, their excited hollers carrying over the glossy surface.

"Let's just walk for a bit," Ariadne didn't wait for an answer and began to stroll around the edge of the lake as her shiny dark hair fluttered in the breeze.

Regulus and Severus followed, lingering behind her, just far enough away that they could talk without being overheard.

"I gotta tell you, mate," Regulus said quietly. "I sometimes wonder about her."

"What do you mean?" Severus asked flatly.

"I mean," he ignored his friend's obvious disinterest. "She's pretty and tolerable enough most of the time, but…"

"She's a complete bore," Severus finished for him. "All she wants to do is gossip or talk about Ivy behind her back. Every bloody day, Ivy's bossy or so not as pretty as she thinks she is." He mimicked. "Ivy can be a bitch but at least she'll say stuff like that to your face. I never liked Ariadne and I definitely don't understand why you're with her."

Regulus was starting to wonder that himself.

It had started off innocent enough.

Ivy had declared that she didn't want him, and he knew Ariadne was interested, so he took the shot. Soon, instead of sitting next to Theya, he always found himself beside Ariadne, though he had barely noticed at the time. Then they started studying for their O.W.L. exams together, and even though they did so alone sometimes, it didn't feel worthy of a relationship. Before he knew it, she was asking to be his girlfriend and since they snogged occasionally, he felt like a dick saying no. So he said yes.

"Think I should jinx her into the lake?" Severus asked yearningly. "I bet I could play it off like it was someone else."

He snickered, turning to catch Ivy's eye, only to remember that she wasn't there. Regulus felt a pit in his stomach. They'd barely spoken in four months and yet he still found it jarring to not catch those silver eyes whenever something funny was said, as he had always looked to see if she thought the joke was funny too.

Distracted by his reminiscence, he ran into Ariadne, who had stopped walking.

"Watch it," she snapped, peering at something in her hand.

"What's that?" He craned his neck for a peek.

"Nothing," Ariadne stuffed whatever it was into her pocket.

He turned to raise a brow at Severus, but something over his friend's shoulder caught his eye.

A bright silver, translucent cheetah was bounding towards them, barely making contact with the ground below. He hardly had enough time to register what was happening before the cheetah stopped in front of them.

"Regulus," Theya's voice rang out, calm and formal. "Would you care to join me in the Girls Dormitory?" There was yelling and loud crashes in the background. "Do hurry. And come alone."

Without a backwards glance, Regulus took off in the direction of the castle.

Getting into the Girls Dormitory proved more difficult than he had anticipated. He'd never tried to get into it and thus was very surprised and bruised after trying to, as the stairs kept turning into a slide under his feet.

Eventually, to the amusement of some first years in the Common Room, he managed to make his way up by propping his weight between the two walls and scooching, centimetre by centimetre. The process was slower and sweatier than he anticipated, and by the time he reached the top, he was breathing heavily.

Regulus took a moment to recover, recognising that he didn't know which room to go into. Thankfully, as he went to find the right room, all the ones he entered had already been cleared of personal belongings for the year. Eventually, he swung a door open to reveal a complete mess.

There were broken items strewn all about the floor, most of which he recognized as belonging to Ivy. The hangings around all four beds had been ripped down and slashed to pieces, while an empty trunk sat open on one of the beds. A small piece of folded parchment sat beside it.

The rest of the destruction remained on the floor, where the remnants of shredded books lay. Here and there were shards of items Ivy appeared to have shattered against the wall.

Ivy herself sat with her back to the bed, knees tucked to her chest, sobbing with her face hidden. Theya had knelt in front of her, and the two were exchanging words in such hushed tones that he couldn't grasp what was being said.

Theya motioned for him to come in without taking her eyes off the crying witch.

Unsure of what to do other than what he was told, he closed the door behind himself, shoes crunching on bits of glass. Theya ignored him entirely, murmuring something to Ivy, who shook her head furiously, still not letting them see her face.

Taking a spot by the wall, he pressed his back up against it and sank to the floor.

"Y-You lied to me," he heard Ivy whimper, so quiet that it was barely audible.

"I didn't, I swear that I didn't." Theya spoke softly.

He watched the golden-haired witch reach out a hand as though to stroke Ivy's hair, which had come loose from its black-ribboned bun, before pulling her fingers back at the last second. Upon taking a closer look at Theya, he noticed that she was choking back tears. In fact, her own chest was shaking with noiseless sobs, and she dabbed at her eyes, then wiped her nose on the back of her sleeve without making a sound.

"You s-said that you l-love me," Ivy cried. "But you d-don't."

His own eyes became a bit damp at her words.

"I do love you," Theya's voice broke. "We love you. We wouldn't be here if we didn't."

Ivy turned her head just slightly. While Regulus couldn't see her face, he knew she was peering at him through her tangled hair. She then turned her head back to its previous position, shoulders tightening.

"You didn't even v-visit me when I was in the H-Hospital Wing."

After her hospitalisation, a lot of rumours circulated about what happened. The most prominent was that she had died and come back to life. This was mostly due to a fifth year Ravenclaw, Dorcas Meadowes, who insisted that she saw a ghost-like version of Ivy enter the school's psychomanteum the first day she was in the Hospital Wing.

"N-No one visited me," Ivy sniffled. "I was there for two d-days."

"We didn't know," Regulus's voice came out strangled and he wiped his eyes on the back of his hand. "No one even bothered to tell us until a week later."

After a moment, Ivy slowly raised her head. She didn't look at either of them, just stared at her knees. Her eyes were the kind of puffy that told him it wasn't the first time she'd cried that day.

"We would've come if we'd known," Theya told her, not bothering to wipe her tears away anymore as she forcibly grasped one of Ivy's hands. "We had no idea."

"I went looking for you when I heard," Regulus said quietly, and Ivy glanced in his direction. "And then I saw you weren't wearing the pin and I… Didn't think you would want to talk to me."

"I l-lost it," she sniffled, sounding ashamed. "I lost it the night I ended up in the Hospital W-Wing."

"I don't know what we wanted," Theya wiped one of Ivy's tears away. "But I swear, it wasn't this."

"I'm sorry," Ivy blurted out.

Theya looked at Regulus for the first time since he had entered the room, seeming as taken aback as he felt.

"I'm so sorry for what I said," she said quickly, like she had kept the words in for a long time. "To both of you."

An unprompted, direct apology from Ivy was incredibly rare.

And yet, he felt a flicker of rage.

"I know," Theya gave her a watery smile, leaning in to hug her.

Ivy accepted it, not seeming to notice when Theya reached around her to grab the folded piece of parchment that had been left beside the open trunk. Theya gave her a squeeze, simultaneously slipping the parchment into her robes, before letting her go.

"As much as it irks me," Theya continued. "You were right about Severus. It was still a really bitchy thing to say, but your communication skills have always been abysmal."

"I'll say," Regulus couldn't help the bitterness in his voice. "I can't bloody believe this."

Ivy winced.

"I really don't understand you at all," he shook his head and got to his feet, anger giving him energy that he didn't know what to do with. "Every time I think I'm getting close, you change. First you call me a last resort, then you kiss me. Immediately after, you say you're not ready to be in a relationship and I respected that. Then we shagged, for months I might add, and I thought we were finally going to be together. You followed that up by telling me I'm not pureblood enough for you, and now you want to take it back?"

Theya shifted uncomfortably and Ivy avoided his gaze.

"Well, which is it?" Regulus demanded harshly. "Because I'm real sick of this back and forth with you, Ivy. I'm done letting you have it both ways. For once, just tell me the fucking truth!"

The silence was tense, palpable.

"If you don't," he said nastily. "I will leave right now and there won't be any more chances to explain."

"Regulus," Theya said quietly.

"No," he snapped. "I won't do it anymore! I can't do it anymore!" He looked back at Ivy. "What's it going to be, then?"

She nodded slowly.

Grabbing her wand from where it had been discarded on the floor, she casted a Muffliato at the door. She then got to her feet, placing the wand delicately on the bed and folding her arms like she wanted to shrink into herself and vanish.

"The truth-" Ivy faltered as she looked at Theya, who shook her head once, almost imperceptibly, like a warning. "The truth is that I'm not pureblood enough for you. You still buy into pureblood supremacy. At least some of it."

He blinked, surprised at hearing her use the words pureblood supremacy. Coming out of her mouth they sounded strange, like she'd been Imperius'd by his brother.

"And you believing even some of it…" She shifted uncomfortably. "I don't know what to do about that. Because you both mean the most to me out of anyone. So, as much as I care about you, and I do, I have to keep pulling back."

"But you don't pull back from Theya," he pointed out disdainfully.

The golden-haired witch was still kneeling on the ground, her face turned away from him in such a manner that he was sure it was intentional.

"No," Ivy confirmed, though she didn't seem willing to elaborate. "After I got my Dark Mark, I just lost all faith. After seeing what I'd seen, after doing what I'd done… How could I not? And now, well, I'm just trying to figure out my place."

Not knowing how to respond, he asked Theya unevenly: "What do you think about all this?"

Theya remained where she was for a long time before standing.

Walking to Ivy's side, she intertwined their hands, hazel eyes fixed on him as though in defiance. But there was something off about it. She and Ivy had expressions on their faces that he didn't want to comprehend.

They looked petrified.

Of him.

Of what he may do next.

On anyone else, their expressions might've given him a warped sense of power.

On them, it made him ill.

"I…" Regulus backed up until he hit the wall. "I need time to think."

He reached blindly for the door handle, whipping the door open when he found it, though he paused in the entryway.

"I won't tell," he muttered over his shoulder.

The heaviness lingered long after he snapped the door shut behind himself.