11:11 by Ben Barnes
It's both always but never our time
Nothing to regret
The rest just might be heaven
You're always but never really mine
December 27th, 1978
Regulus sat at the foot of his bed, staring at the newspaper clippings on the wall across. Above his ancient wooden dresser were snippets of the Dark Lord and his accomplishments.
In retrospect, he didn't think he had enjoyed You-Know-Who's works so much as the approval he got from his parents for being involved with them.
Now, the clippings sickened him to the point that he wanted to send them up in a puff of smoke. However, eventually Walburga and Orion would notice the change in decor and he didn't want to face the questions or surmounting allegations.
Not for the first time, he grudgingly wished Sirius was around or at least willing to talk to him, as broaching the subject of the Dark Lord with Ivy and Theya gave him hesitation. He was certain the three of them were in agreement, but he didn't want to give either the impression that he was merely trying to worm his way into Ivy's knickers.
Rubbing his eyes, Regulus got to his feet and adjusted his expensive black robes, knowing he would be called to dinner soon.
Although his parents insisted on having formal dinners with him nearly every night he wasn't at Hogwarts, they had gone out of their way to emphasise the seriousness of that particular night. There weren't going to be any visitors, but he had been made aware that there would be a discussion about his betrothal to Ivy. He didn't know what the details would be, but he had been readying himself for an excruciating evening.
His parents aside, he and Ivy hadn't discussed their marriage contract in years and he didn't know if she still wanted to go through with it.
Headed for the door, Regulus stepped into the dark, dingy hallway and shut the door. His eyes caught on Sirius's plaque, as they always did, and he paused. With a glance down the corridor, he slowly swung his brother's door open.
The space looked just as he remembered it when Sirius walked out on him, except that everything had two years worth of dusty coatings. His posters of bikini-clad women and Gryffindor hangings were still stuck to the walls, along with a few moving photographs of Sirius and the mates he had abandoned his own brother for. The floor remained littered with old clothes and miscellaneous objects, which made Regulus scrunch his nose in disgust.
Daring another glance down the empty hall, he stepped inside. Old Honeydukes wrappers crunched underfoot as he took in how happy Sirius seemed in the fading photographs. Picking up publications from the floor, he scanned the titles for anything interesting, mostly finding old academic texts and magazines with nude women, which he took some time to appreciate before tossing aside.
Rifling through Sirius's desk, he found discarded quills, spilled ink bottles, and ruined bits of parchment. He was about to drop all curiosity when he reached the bottommost drawer, which was locked.
All it took was a quick Alohomora for it to unlatch.
"Berk," he muttered.
Sliding it open, he got to his knees and began sifting through the contents, quickly identifying the mess as some sort of memory collection. It was comprised of meaningless trinkets, ticket stubs, and notes passed between Sirius and a surprisingly wide variety of people.
Something underneath the junk caught his eye and he pushed the clutter aside to pick up the watch he had gifted his brother before Hogwarts, which their uncle Alphard had magically enhanced to show what moods Walburga and Orion were in. He remembered giving it to Sirius the day Alphard took the photograph of their piggyback ride.
The glass face of the watch was cracked and the dials twitched erratically.
The idea that Sirius had kept it softened something inside him until he realised that the watch didn't mean enough for Sirius to take with him when he left.
Overwhelmed by the heavy feeling in his chest, he tossed the wristband back into the drawer and snapped it shut, having lost all interest in snooping.
Regulus chewed his toad in the hole silently, waiting for one of his parents to begin the conversation. They had only been seated around their luxurious dining table for a few minutes, but the air felt different. Orion wasn't stoically reading the Daily Prophet and Walburga had worn one of her fancier gowns for the occasion.
Half of him wanted to get it over with, while the other half hoped they waited until dessert so he could have something sweet to wash down the bile.
"Has the Dark Lord requested your presence for any other time this Holiday?" Orion asked.
"No," Regulus said politely.
He had attended a meeting earlier that day, but it was pure raving nonsense about Muggles. He was somewhat grateful, as he hadn't been assigned any sort of mission and nothing was required of him other than faking a sneer or reproachful comment every so often.
"Ivy was in attendance?" Walburga sipped her Elderflower wine.
And so it begins, he thought sourly. "Yes."
"How is she?"
"She's well. My presence has been requested at the Greengrass home from New Years through our return to school."
"Things are going well then," Orion said approvingly. "Good work, son. Have the two of you discussed your marriage contract recently?"
"We're thinking of an autumn wedding," Regulus lied, as he knew his parents would expect him to have already considered such a thing.
"Not summer?" Walburga raised a brow. "You'll both be of age and graduated by the end of June. Has she requested the delay?"
"No," he said quickly. "She just wants what I want; a wedding where our guests aren't forced to soak in their own sweat during the ceremony."
"Wise girl," Orion said. "Already prioritising your desires over her own."
Repulsed to his core, he stayed quiet.
"Do you think she'll need to be debriefed on her duties?" Walburga asked.
Digging into his mixed vegetables, he waited for his father to answer. After a moment of silence, he looked up to find his parents staring at him. It was a struggle trying to hide the shock of being asked his opinion, especially on a matter they deemed so bloody important.
Subsequently, it dawned on him that once he was of age, he would have greater social authority than Walburga, making him think about what would happen if he and Ivy one day had children. If they had a boy, the child would automatically be deemed more competent on his seventeenth birthday than his own mother - a girl who at her current age of sixteen was brilliant, tough, and the most competent person he'd ever met. If they had a girl, she'd be auctioned off as a glorified sex slave to the highest bidder.
If he and Ivy indeed married, there was no chance in hell he was going to let her experience any of that.
It dawned on him then that it was no longer enough to simply hate the notion. He needed to do something. What, he didn't know. But he was confident he could come up with a way to dismantle the system, given enough time.
He took a calming breath. "Lady Selwyn trained Ivy well. She's been aware of her duties since birth; you don't need to speak with her about them."
"I've always thought she would make a fine Lady Black," Orion said.
"We're in agreement then," Walburga wiped her mouth on a napkin and got to her feet. "I will be retiring early. Goodnight."
She spared Regulus a surprisingly uncomfortable look before sweeping from the dining room.
Frowning after her, he thought to inquire whether they were done with the discussion, as it had been far shorter than he'd expected. Deciding better of it, he turned back to his meal, his plate having vanished to be replaced by a bowl of ice cream and berries.
An unsettled sensation nestled into his gut as he felt Orion's gaze on him. When the man cleared his throat, he instinctively knew the talk was about to get far worse.
"I decided it was time," Orion said gruffly. "That we speak about marital relations. I'm not so delusional as to think you've denied yourself the company of a woman thus far - you needn't deny yourself even once married. I daresay a strapping fellow like you will have no trouble finding relief in another woman when that ring gets a little too tight."
His father laughed and Regulus was sorely tempted to strangle him. He saw no reason whatsoever why he would spend a minute on anyone other than Ivy. He'd lost her once, and if he was so lucky as to get her back, he would do anything to keep her.
"I'm sure Ivy is a lovely girl," Orion went on. "But you and I both know she's only there for one reason, which brings me to my conclusion. Once married, producing an heir will be of utmost importance. Doing so in the first year of marriage is preferable, though not always realistic."
Vomit rose in his throat at the notion of being a father within the next few years. His parents could have whatever opinions they wanted, but the last thing he was going to be forced to do was have a child.
"If Ivy cannot produce an heir," Orion added gravely. "There are magical options to help such a thing along. If it comes down to it, divorce can also be arranged. I'm sure you will make clear to her the consequences should she not perform her duties. Should you find her obnoxious, I can tell you firsthand that a belt will serve you better than the back of your hand."
Regulus was genuinely worried that he was going to spew his dinner all over the table. Forcing himself to stare at the melting ice cream as he tried to contain his rage and indignance, he trembled with the effort.
He would never lay a hand on Ivy, and would see to it that anyone who tried would be tortured by the nastiest curses his wand could conjure, regardless of who they were.
"Now," Orion said. "That is all the advice I currently have for you. Do you have any questions?"
Swallowing his hatred, he shook his head silently.
His father grinned and slapped a hand on his back before digging into his dessert.
The urge to kill his father stuck with Regulus long after he left the table.
December 31st, 1978
The Greengrass sitting room was filled with cheerful hollers as Ivy clinked her glass of Firewhiskey against the jumble of other drinks. Momentarily, the group of six paired off to loop arms through their partner's and down the contents of their glasses. Sere and Reginald started, causing Theya and Severus to copy, followed by Ivy and Regulus.
After unwinding their arms, bottles of alcohol were passed around and Ivy smiled at Regulus as he refilled her drink with a flushed grin.
Reginald took a seat and Sere planted herself on his lap, wrapping a loving arm around her husband's wide shoulders. When Theya scrunched her nose and made a sound of disgust, Severus tugged her down beside him on the sofa beside the older, blissfully laughing couple. This left Ivy and Regulus to take the matching set of armchairs in front of the window.
"I think it's resolution time," Sere announced cheerfully.
"Muuuuum," Theya groaned.
"Come now," Reginald said jovially. "It's just for fun - I'll start. My resolution is to get both my girls positions at the Ministry come graduation."
Ivy felt her face flush and she reached up to touch her neck, before remembering that she still had yet to put any of her jewellery on. This drew her eyes to the right wall, on the other side of which was her bedroom, where the adornments sat on the nightstand.
"Mine," Sere sipped her drink. "Is to work on the backyard. It's a right bore, I think I'd like to add some trees, lights… Maybe a pond."
"Very nice, dear," Reginald said. "Theya?"
"Fine," she whined. "I want to obtain a pet grindylow and put him in your pond."
Everyone let out sounds ranging from snorts of laughter to scoffs of disbelief.
"Your Legilimency must be improving," Ivy swirled the amber contents of her glass. "I was going to say that I want a pet Thestral."
"Of course you do," Theya shook her head.
"I want to do well on my N.E.W.T. exams," Regulus offered.
"I'm sure you will," Sere smiled. "You're the brightest academic in the room."
Ivy and Theya let out offended sounds.
"Oh, hush," Sere chided. "Severus?"
"I suppose," he said thoughtfully. "I'd like to invent a potion. Maybe a few."
"Oh yeah?" Regulus raised his brows.
"I have some ideas."
"Like what?" Theya asked.
Severus leaned over to whisper in her ear and as the couple engaged in a low, animated conversation, Ivy felt distinctly cut out of it. She thought to ask Sere about her plans for the backyard, but she was already expressively chatting to Reginald, making motions with her hands that gave her the impression they were discussing Quidditch.
"Guess we're on our own," Regulus said to her quietly.
"Looks like it," she sipped her drink.
"Can I..." He swallowed. "Can I ask you about something?"
"Mhm," she angled towards him, curling into the chair.
"Er… My parents sat me down to discuss our marriage contract the other night. I thought we should talk about it."
"Alright." With how near they were to graduation, she'd known the topic would inevitably come up. She was grateful for the timing, as the sensitive subject would go down easier with the Firewhiskey she proceeded to throw back.
Regulus plucked the half-empty bottle from the ground. Finishing his own glass, he poured them both another with a nervous smile. He then got to his feet and jerked his head, indicating for her to follow.
They went to the kitchen, where murmurs from the other conversations became background noise. Sitting side by side on the surprisingly clean floor with their backs to the dark cabinets, they sipped their drinks, the bottle between them.
"Do you still want to go through with it?" Regulus asked, staring into his beverage.
Ivy nodded slowly, having already put quite a bit of thought into the matter.
Although she would be of age in a few days and could likely get out of the contract, there were a number of reasons she couldn't bring herself to do it. The most prominent was that she remained deeply in love with him. She also couldn't bear the thought of him being forced into marriage with someone else, which he definitely would be if she bowed out. Besides, leaving him would be damaging to both their reputations and it was crucial that they maintain their image.
"Yes," she added. "I think it's the smartest course of action. Do you?"
"Yeah," he smiled at his drink. "Honestly, I was worried you were going to say no."
"Is that so?"
Regulus glanced at her. "I know we have a… unique history, but I wouldn't trust anyone else to have your back like that."
"Me neither," Ivy said quietly. "That unique history is a bitch, huh?"
"You think so?" His voice shook ever so slightly.
"Well," it was her turn to stare at her drink. "We did always have the worst timing."
"We sure did." He was silent for a moment before swallowing and clearing his throat. "You know, I was about to pick up The Secrets of Darkness when Ariadne's love potion kicked in. Unfortunately, by the time my head cleared, it was the last thing on my mind."
"I understand," Ivy said softly.
"I'm going to read it once we're back at Hogwarts."
A jolt of trepidation made its way down her spine.
"And I want you to know something else," Regulus said slowly.
Sucking in a breath, she turned to stare at him, even as he refused to look back.
"Our timing is rotten, so I've decided not to wait for the right time anymore…" He took a shaky breath. "I wanted to tell you that I love you. I don't want you to feel pressured, so you don't have to respond. I don't expect anything from you. I just needed to say it. I needed you to know."
Regulus kept his gaze averted as he finished off the last of his Firewhiskey.
Ivy, however, couldn't take her eyes away from his face. From the muscle that quivered in his jaw, from the dark hair that fell to his shoulders, from the lips that she so desperately and traitorously wanted to feel against her own.
After a moment of her watching, he met her gaze.
Immediately choking on her words, she took his hand and held it tightly, hoping to convey what she felt in the gesture. His declaration was something she had wanted for years, something that made her feel safe, seen, and relieved. There was no doubt that she loved him. Oh, did she love him. More than the sun burned and more than the sea raged. Perhaps even more than she loved Hazel.
But she wasn't ready to voice that. She couldn't put her finger on precisely why - maybe it was because of Frederick, or maybe it was because she needed to be certain of him in a way that she wasn't yet.
He smiled sadly, in a way that conveyed his understanding of her.
They remained like that for countless minutes, Ivy holding his hand as Regulus holding hers back.
Ivy swirled her glass of Daisyroot Draught with a lazy smile. Leaning against the archway between the kitchen and sitting room, she was content in knowing that everyone she cared about was under the same roof. Sere and Reginald had gone to bed directly after midnight, Sere slung over his shoulder and shrieking with laughter as they went.
Regulus was still out cold in one of the armchairs, having reclined it all the way back to roll onto his stomach, the empty bottle of Daisyroot Draught wedged into the cushions. Theya was on the sofa, humming softly as she stared at Severus, whose head had fallen into her lap.
Catching her eye, Theya began sliding out from under him.
Severus emitted a sleepy, whiny sound that made Ivy snicker into her glass.
"I'm just going to talk to Ivy, love," Theta told him.
Severus mumbled something and his girlfriend bent down to listen, then laughed.
"He says congratulations," Theya told her, escaping her boyfriend's hold and walking with Ivy down the hallway.
"What for?" She asked.
"For you and Regulus getting together."
"We didn't," Ivy blinked, halting in front of Theya's room.
"You didn't?" She frowned. "Why're you drinking Daisyroot Draught then? You hate that stuff."
"Huh?"
"You only drink that when you're trying to feel close to Regulus."
"No, I don't," she scoffed. "Don't be absurd."
"Yeah you do," Theya said defiantly. "You told me at St. Mungo's when we had to take Regulus last summer, remember?"
"Not at all," she gazed down at her drink.
"I still don't understand," she narrowed her hazel eyes. "If you're not together, why is your face like that?"
"What do you mean?"
"Your face is all… suspicious."
"Suspicious?" Ivy laughed.
"Happy," Theya clarified.
"I can scowl for you if you'd like."
"You've already got frown lines, I'd lay off if I were you. Anyway, what happened? I saw you holding hands."
"Always so bloody nosy," Ivy shook her head. "We just talked about our marriage contract."
"Oh?"
"We decided to stick with it."
"So you're going to marry him," Theya looked like she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Without actually being in a relationship with him?"
Shrugging, she ducked her head and finished off her beverage.
"I don't understand," she said softly. "He's changed. You know he's changed. Why won't you let him prove that he can be who you need? I know he would."
"I can't…" She tried to articulate her feelings. "I can't put him through all the back and forth again. It makes me sick knowing I've done it once. I need to be sure before I try with him again."
"He's already told you what side he's on," Theya leaned against her door. "That's not something he would lie about. What more do you need?"
"I don't know," Ivy answered honestly.
Theya watched her for a moment. "You want to know what I think?"
"Probably not."
"I think the only way you'll be sure is if you tell him about your sister."
"I- I don't think I can… And what about Frederick?" She felt her lower lip wobble. "I loved him. I still love him. He's not even been in the ground six months. What kind of person tries to move on that quickly?"
"The kind of person," Theya gripped her hand. "Who has been in love with Regulus Black since she was eleven."
"You don't think it's insulting?" Ivy hastily wiped away the tears that pushed their way out.
"I think you deserve to be happy," she said gently. "And I've never seen you happier than when you're with Regulus. I know how much you've suffered, not just in regards to him. Iv, you've been through enough. You're torturing yourself for no good reason. Forcing yourself to suffer isn't as noble as you think it is."
"Why not?" She sniffled. "Why can't it be noble?"
"Because, who can it possibly help? What wrong does it right?"
When Ivy didn't reply, Theya squeezed her hand and released it.
"Just think about it, yeah?" She smiled and opened her bedroom door. "Think about it for a month if you have to, but think about it. The only thing that matters is what you need. And love, you do need him."