Chapter 5: It's Not Your Time

Andy spent the next few months working at the Roadhouse, and running jobs for Ellen and Ash. It had been a long time since she had been back. It was a bit surreal. Ellen and Jo were her family too, and as much as she missed the boys it was nice to be on her own again. Even though she had only been with Sam and Dean for just over two months she had settled into the routine of being with other people. Of being with Dean. She knew better than to mention to Ellen who she had been running with for the past while, but it didn't keep Ellen from trying to find out. She was taking care of a black dog in Iowa when her phone went off. She looked at the number. Her heart skipped a beat as she registered 'Sam' on her screen. She sighed heavily and flipped it open.

Hello?

Hey Andy…it's Sam… She could hear the tears in his voice. Her heart lurched.

Sam? What's wrong?

It's Dean… She paused for a split second.

What happened?

We…we were in a fight with the demon. It tore Dean up pretty good and then one of them plowed a semi into us while we were driving to the hospital. She was amazed, she knew John had been close but not that close.

The demon. Like The Demon?

Yea, Dad tracked it down, but things got a bit rough. It got into him then it…it almost killed Dean. It got into John? She couldn't help but interrupt Sam.

Shit Sam are you ok?

I'm fine but…Andy, Dean's in a coma, and they don't think he'll wake up.

… Her heart was in her throat now. She couldn't speak for a second.

Where are you?

Jefferson City.

Missouri?

Yea

I'll be there in a few hours.

M' scared Andy

I know. I'll be there soon.

She hung up. She stood perfectly still for a moment. Dean was dying. Her Dean was lying in some hospital dying. No matter what Dean had said or done, she still loved him, and she would do whatever she could to help him. Then she kicked herself into gear and pointed herself towards Jefferson.

Andy burst through the hospital doors and found the room Dean was in. She walked slowly in bracing herself for what she would see. He was hooked up to a ventilator and a monitor and a feeding tube. Andy's heart broke.

"Oh Dean. If you were conscious I would knock you out." she said walking forward. She stood there for a long moment just looking at him. "Damn it Dean," she said her voice cracking "I have never wanted to take something back more than what I said to you. I love you Dean, and I can't stop. So you need to come back to me so I can tell you that for real." Tears streamed down her face. She reached out and touching his hand lightly. When she did vision hit her like a sack of bricks. John, the yellow eyed demon smiling, "the colt for Dean." "you still need to sweeten the pot." John looking at someone laying the gun on a hospital bed "ok." Andy gasped as the vision let her go and tried to make sense of what she had just seen. Something was very, very wrong here. What was John up to? She turned to go and find John and saw…Dean standing in the door way. He was staring at her and she stared back. She glanced back at the bed just to make sure Dean was still there. Then she looked back at the Dean in the doorway.

"Can you see me?" he said quietly. Andy nodded, and Dean slowly moved forward. "How can you see me?" Andy shook her head speechless. She figured it had something to do with her Seidr, and the fact that she was in love with Dean, and therefore super sensitive to his soul.

"Well that's mildly creepy," Andy shrugged again.

"Apparently creepy is what I'm good at." She said finally finding her voice.

Suddenly Sam appeared in the doorway. She looked up at him. His face was bruised and cut up and his eyes were deep in pain. Without a word he walked in and engulfed Andy in a hug.

"Hey Sammy," she said softly. He pulled away and looked down at her.

"So, can you help him?" Andy looked over her shoulder at Dean's spirit. He was looking at them anxiously. She looked back up at Sam her eyes glistening and she shook her head. Sam sagged in on himself. "What? Why not?" Dean demanded.

"I'm so sorry Sam. I can try, but I don't think it will do anything." she said her voice breaking. He nodded his face a mask of fierceness.

"It's ok Andy, at least you're here for him. I know…I know you didn't leave for nothing…but it's good that you're here for him." Andy nodded glancing at Dean. There was an awkward moment while Andy thought of the last time she had seen Sam and Dean. She looked at Dean slightly embarrassed. She hopped he hadn't been there when she was pouring her little heart out. She figured now was not really the best time to bring it up.

"How's your dad?"

"He's still unconscious," Sam said not taking his eyes off Dean. Just then a doctor came in and told Sam that John was awake. "Oh thank god," Andy heard Dean say relief in his voice.

"What about my brother?" The doctor hesitated looking at Andy. Sam glanced at her. "Oh, this is our cousin Andy. She can hear everything." The doctor nodded and rattled off Dean's problems. Andy froze when she heard it all. What the hell had that demon done to them? After that she followed Sam to his father's room. She looked around for Dean but she didn't see him, which worried her. John was sitting up in his hospital bed looking grumpy as usual. Sam went in first so John didn't see Andy at first.

"Hey Sam. Have you seen him?" he asked looking up at Sam who nodded. He moved aside and John caught sight of Andy who smiled softly at him.

"Hey John," she said. He stared at her.

"Andy? What are you doing here?"

"I came to help," John looked confused for a second, then realization dawned and his face changed dramatically.

"Can you?" he said. The desperation in his voice cut deep into Andy. She shook her head and John's face fell. They talked for a while. Then Andy saw Dean come in. They briefly made eye contact, but Dean shook his head and Andy looked away. She made some excuse and left the family alone. John was up to something. The way the conversation was going it seemed like he wanted to keep the demon away. The only thing was, Andy was fairly sure he was planning on summoning it. When she saw Sam and Dean both leave Andy stayed behind and went back to see John.

"John?" she said quietly. He was pointedly not looking at her. "John, I know you're planning something. What is it?" Silence. She sighed "You're going to give yourself up aren't you?" That got a reaction. John looked at Andy shocked then grim.

"I hate how good you are at that," he said dead pan.

"You live for eight centuries you learn to pick things up," she said sighing and sitting on his bed. "John you can't do this,"

"The hell I can't,"

"John, think what it will do to them if you do this,"

"And what will happen to Dean if I don't,"

"John…"

"Andy, I can't watch my son die."

"So you're going to make them watch you die? John I can try to help Dean but -"

"Andy…I'm already dying," Andy stopped mid retort."What?"

"I'm already dying Andy. Cancer. I would only be around for about another six months anyway. This is the only thing I can do for Dean." Andy was speechless and helpless and grateful that Dean was nowhere to be seen. She nodded. She took John's hand and squeezed. "Promise me something Andy?" she nodded again and winced at the crack in his voice. "Don't tell them," he looked her directly in the eyes. Andy swallowed hard.

"I won't," said quietly "I promise." She went back to Dean's room. No matter how many times she saw him her heart broke every time she walked in. He looked so vulnerable, and she could do nothing. She sat on his bed and took his hand. Suddenly she could see Dean leaning against the wall by his bed. His sudden appearance made her jump.

"Shit Dean don't do that,"

"Do what?" he said roughly. Andy looked him over. His face was grim.

"Never mind," She was quiet for a moment. "Listen Dean, I just want to say I'm sorry for what happened between us. I really wish it hadn't gone like that." Dean said nothing. Andy waited for something. Anything. "ok…" she said quietly. She got up to leave. Just before she was out the door.

"Andy?" the tone in Dean's voice shot a twinge through Andy. She turned to him and was amazed to see tears in his eyes. "Thanks for being here," he said quietly. Andy wished she could hug him. She ached to feel his body against hers. She settled with a smile.

"You're welcome sweetheart." Suddenly Dean perked up.

"What the - " he muttered walked out of the room.

"Dean?" But he was already gone. "That was odd." She looked back at Dean's body. She suddenly decided she couldn't sit by and do nothing. She started feeding healing energy into Dean. She did it carefully, small bits at a time.

A few hours later Sam was back from Bobby's. Andy was with John when he came in. Andy could feel the tension pouring out of Sam.

"Did you think I wouldn't find out?" John played dumb. "That stuff from Bobby you don't use it ward off a demon you use it to summon one." At that Andy took her cue to go back and sit with Dean for a bit. Sam and John loved to butt heads and she could feel a good one coming on. She was sitting holding Dean's hand when suddenly an alarm went off on one of his machines. Her heart began pounding fast, fear gripping her. Suddenly there were nurses everywhere. Dean was crashing, and there was nothing she could do. Sam appeared behind her. She turned to him tears in her eyes. They watched as the hospital staff worked on Dean. Then she saw him. He looked fuzzy, out of focus. Then he shouted something. All Andy could make out was "get back!" then nothing. He was gone. She swallowed hard. But then his heart started beating again and both Andy and Sam exhaled with relief. After that episode Andy could hardly bear to be out of Dean's room. She couldn't see him anymore and that worried her. But she still felt like Dean was still around. She fed some more healing energy into him. She knew she would never be able to get rid of his edema, but she could do her best with the other stuff. When she had done what she could, she curled up in the chair in his room and fell asleep. She woke up to Sam walking in carrying a bag.

"Hey Sam, what have got there?" she said sleepily.

"Andy Dean his here, I mean his spirit is here!" Andy looked at Sam and what he was pulling out of the bag. It was a Ouija board. She sighed.

"I know Sam," Sam looked at her sharply.

"What do you mean you know?"

"You're right Dean's spirit is around. I saw him just after I got here."

"You saw him?" Sam asked shocked. Andy nodded. "How?"

"I think it something to do with my seidr abilities." Sam nodded. "But I lost track of him. I'm not sure if he's gone or I just lost contact."

"Well then let's give this a try," Sam said and sat down on the floor. Andy rolled her eyes.

"Ok Sam, whatever you like," Andy went over to Dean's body and touched his hand affectionately. She felt something almost a small shock.

"God I feel like I'm at a slumber party," And there was Dean, sitting on the floor across from Sam. Andy let out a small gasp. Sam didn't notice. Dean was too focused on trying to move the indicator so he didn't notice either. Andy wanted to cry again. Seeing someone she loved as a spirit was wrenching. She watched as Dean talked to Sam and how he was seeing a reaper that was after him.

"I'm screwed Sam,"

'No you're not' Andy said under her breath. Dean must have heard her or heard something because he looked up and their eyes met.

'Don't give up,' Andy mouthed to him. He nodded. Andy moved her hand, and lost sight of Dean again. She sighed. They were done and Sam walked out in something of a trance and headed to his Dad's room. Andy took Dean's hand again.

"Dean?"

"Andy, there's a reaper after me,"

"I know Dean, that's why I can't just heal you myself, if your spirit is out of your body there's not much I can do for you." Her voice stuck in her throat and she couldn't keep the tears from her eyes.

"Thanks for trying Andy." Sam came back with his dad's journal. Sam was looking at the notes on reapers.

"Son of a bitch," Dean said and he walked out. Andy watched him go and felt a pit in her stomach grow tenfold.

Sam and Andy stayed with Dean. Sam was combing through his dad's journal, while Andy kept feeding Dean energy. She gave him as much of her energy as she could. She managed to heal all of his internal lacerations, but she couldn't do anything about his edema. She was too drained. Sam happened to glance at her just as she let go.

"Andy? Are you ok?" She blinked at him a few times.

"Yea, I'm fine Sam," she said as evenly as she could. Sam looked at her suspiciously but said nothing. They waited for anything to change. Minutes dragged on and on. Andy was just nodding off in the chair when suddenly Dean gasped opened his eyes and choked on his ventilator. Both she and Sam stood dumbfounded for a moment, then Sam yelled for help. Andy stared. She slipped into her examination sight. All of Dean's injuries were gone. She knew then, that this was not from her efforts. John had made his deal.

Dean had completely recovered and couldn't remember how he had dodged his reaper. Sam was amazed. Andy tried to keep the fact that she knew what was coming. When she saw John coming she caught his eye. He nodded almost imperceptivity. Andy looked at Dean and smiled. She gave his hand a friendly squeeze and then got up.

"I'll leave you boys alone," she said and went to wait in John's room. He may have been a crazy obsessed bastard, but there was no way she was letting her friend to die alone. When he came in he wasn't surprised to see her sitting on his bed.

"You know you can't stay here,"

"I know, but I'll be here as long as I can,"

"You'll take care of them won't you?"

"As much as I can. Although they take pretty good care of themselves."

"It's the pretty that scares me," Andy chuckled.

"I know."

"Andy?"

"Yea?"

"Thank you,"

"For what?"

"For falling into our lives. You've done so much for us, and we're all better for it." Andy's eyes pricked. She stood and hugged John hard. He hugged her back. Suddenly John stiffened. Andy's heart began to pound. He let her go. She turned around. A man with yellow eyes was on the other side of the bed. John looked at Andy. In spite of herself Andy held onto him. John took her hand off his arm. He gave her a smile. Andy swallowed hard and glanced at the man. John turned to him and pulled out the colt laying it on the table.

"Ok," he said. The man smiled wide, and John went limp. Andy slowly lowered John to the floor tears streaming down her cheeks. She checked around to see if anyone was there and she left. She walked down the hall to the vending machines. She ran into Sam with a cup of coffee going back towards Dean's room. He looked at her.

"Andy? Are you ok?" he asked concerned. Andy swiped at the tears and nodded.

"Yea, just a bit emotional. I'm fine." she said. Andy tried to act as normal as possible and walked with him. When they got to John's room her heart was pounding again. Sam glanced over and stopped dead.

"Dad?" he said quietly. He dropped the coffee and sprinted into the room and yelled for help. Andy just stood there, watching Sam break. The hospital staff tried to revive him, but she knew he was long gone. Sam had run to get Dean when the hospital staff had showed up. And there they were. Her family in this world, breaking apart at the seams.

The rest of the day was a blur to Andy. She wanted to help. To be there for her family. But what she found was she was afraid. She couldn't face them. She had known it was coming. She was there. She couldn't look them in the eyes. She did as much as she could on the periphery and tried to tell herself that she was giving the boys space. And there it was. She had officially become a Winchester, she was now a big fat liar. Once they had cremated the body, given John a hunter's funeral, they all made it back to Bobby's. The first day there was rough. Sam was a mess, and Dean buried himself behind a wall and under his car. He was acting like he was fine. Stoic and sarcastic. But Andy knew he was hurting. She also knew there was nothing that get him to open up. Andy told Bobby what John had done and asked him to keep it quiet. She kept herself occupied by tuning up her bike. It was nice to be surrounded by spare parts and tools she could have killed for. She worked next to Dean while he rebuilt the Impala from the ground up. She tried talking to him, but mostly all she would get is one word answers or silence. Apparently Dean hit a point around day two. Andy had just asked him something simple. She couldn't even remember what it was. Dean rolled out from under the car and looked over at her.

"Andy, just give it up," he said coolly and slid back under the Impala. Andy's heart shot adrenaline through her. She was frozen where she was crouching next to her bike. Furry boiled in her for a second.

"Something you want to say to me Dean?" she asked callously.

"Not particularly," he said, voice muffled under the car. Andy rose slowly, walked carefully over to the skate and dragged Dean out from under the car.

"What the hell!?" He exclaimed.

"What The Hell is your Problem Dean!" Andy shouted as she hauled him to his feet and grabbed hold of his collar.

"What the hell is yours?!" he shouted back swatting her hands away.

"My problem is your apparent inability to deal with emotions Dean. You think people don't know that you're hurting. Why do you think Sam keeps asking if you're ok? Why do you think Bobby hovers wondering if you need anything? Why do you think I'm here?" Dean looked at her hard, then wrenched her hands off his shirt.

"I don't know Andy, why are you here?" Andy stepped back from Dean like she had been slapped. "No really, I want to know? Why are you here?" She was silent for a moment as she looked at him. She was so shocked that he would ask that, angry or not.

"You really want to know?" she said quietly. "You really don't know?"

"No Andy, enlighten me," said Dean.

"Because you are my family Dean and I love you. You and Sam and John are my family." Tears were in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. "I lost him too and I'm hurting. Sam is hurting. But somehow you can't seem to see it in yourself. What is it going to take?"

"Obviously I need to cry on your shoulder, bear my soul and tell you I love you. Is that what you want to hear?" That did it. She lashed out and punched Dean in the jaw.

"No Dean! That is not what I want to hear! I want to hear you being honest for once! Not only with me and Sam but with yourself! I'm not going to stick around if you're just going to sit here pretending like nothing happened to you." Dean slowly turned his face back to her.

"If you want to leave Andy no one is stopping you." Dean said quietly, slowly. Andy let out a frustrated sound.

"I don't want to leave Dean, but I can't watch this anymore. I can't. I have seen too much of this shit. Too much." Andy's throat closed. A flash of memory. Blood, rain, death. A man not letting himself feel. "I can't do it anymore," she said quietly.

"Then just do what you said Andy. Leave." Dean was completely cold, and it scared Andy. She blinked.

"Is that what you want? You want me to leave?" Dean was quiet for a moment.

"Yes. I want you to leave, as I recall you 'don't stick around where you're not wanted.'" he wasn't looking at Andy, but she could tell how serious he was. He was close to breaking, which oddly was what she had been trying to achieve, but it really had not gone the way she had wanted. She stood quietly for a moment watching Dean being busy choosing a new wrench. She turned and went into the house. She grabbed her saddle bags, jacket and helmet. Sam looked up from the book he was reading.

"Andy?" he said her name like a question. "What's going on?" he stood up when he saw the expression on her face. Andy considered not answering and just walking out the door. But she had done that to Sam before, and it had been unkind. So she turned to him and couldn't keep the crack of emotion out of her voice.

"Promise me something Sam?" Sam walked over to her. Worry etching his face.

"Ok, Andy, what's wrong?"

"Promise you will get Dean to deal, or at least admit he's not ok? Do that for me?" she smiled at Sam. Then stood on tip toe and kissed his cheek. "I'll see you Sammy." He reached out and caught her arm.

"Andy, what the hell is going on? Talk to me," Andy swallowed past the tears that were threatening to consume her and got up the courage to look at Sam. With his sweet hazel puppy dog eyes.

"Dean has made it pretty clear he doesn't want me here, and I don't stay where I'm not wanted." She managed to get her arm out of Sam's grip. She turned her back on him and walked out the door. She went straight past the car which Dean was back under and took her bike of the stand. She didn't say a word as she mounted it, or when Dean rolled out from under the Impala. She revved her bike and sped away. She didn't look back once. If she had she might have seen Dean pitching a wrench across the yard and throwing a punch at the wall. It only took a mile or two before the tears made her pull over.