A/N: Alright so I'm not terribly happy with this chapter. Srsly. But each time I went back to make it better or fix it, I just couldn't. I even re-wrote the bitch….twice. I mean it really covers all the major emotions and points I wanted to make but it seems like I just barely scraped by doing only that. There was just something about the whole scene that didn't want to come to me. I might end up rewriting it. So if you don't really like it, meh I'm not thrilled either. It is quite possibly very repetitive in POV. Also mid sentence I had a hit of slight brilliance and started another freaking outline of a story which honestly comprised about four hours of my time due to research and an obsessive inquiry into legends. No worries I will finish this story before I write another one. I don't like to multi-project. Also I apologize for the delay. Some of my favorite fics happened to update and I had to have my happy time.
Oh and P.S: If you think Bella's being a whiney bitch. She is.
CHAPTER – 3 EPOV BPOV GETTING TO KNOW YOU
Mexico - Cake
I had a match, But she had a lighter,
I had a flame, But she had a fire,
I was bright, But she was much brighter,
I was high, But she was the sky,
Oh, Baby, I was bound,
For Mexico,
Oh, Baby, I was bound,
To let you go,
I don't know much about,
Cinco De Mayo,
I'm never sure,
What it's all about,
But I said I want you,
And you don't believe me,
You said you want me,
But I've got my doubts,
Oh, Baby, I was bound,
For Mexico,
Oh, Baby, I was bound,
To let you go,
I had a match,
But she had a lighter,
I had a flame,
But she had a fire,
I was bright, But she was much brighter,
I was high, But she was the sky,
Oh, Baby, I was bound,
For Mexico,
Oh, Baby, I was bound,
To let you go
June 21
BPOV
It was dark in the bedroom when I woke up. I was pressed beneath Edward in the most delicious way. His torso laid halfway over my own while his left arm rested beneath my head; the right one wrapped around my waist.
As his head rested against my shoulder and his face pressed into my neck and I could feel his breathing fan over my chest. I shifted my legs beneath his sheets relishing in the softness of them. The movement caused him to stir and he tossed his leg over my thighs as if to hold them down; to hold me to him. I smiled and sighed happily. As my state of awareness grew I thought about what we had been doing before we passed out and all of a sudden the happiness burned away into complete…complete…damn no emotion could label this feeling. I was freaking the fuck out.
Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to be far, far away from the situation, no matter how giddy it made me feel. Feelings like this were what ruined me. I was placing sole blame on Edward.
No, that's wrong, you did this too, you jumped into bed right along with him. You shut your mouth and kissed him right back so don't go blaming awesome sex on him. Well I mean technically speaking he is the reason it was awesome, but you asked for it!
Shit, now my inner monologue was in on this and I never wanted to shut my conscious up so bad. Yeah, it was right, I did this too but damn it, it was easier to just place the blame on him.
Just like you placed the whole Phil thing onto Renee. You ran away from that and look where it got you.
But now was not time to think about what Phil had done. Right now it was time to think about what I had done. I had just had sex with someone I didn't even really know.
Not true, you know his name, where he lives, that he prefers boxers over briefs and that he is fucking hot. You know what his face look like when he…
And on that note we are moving onto something different because I clearly can't be thinking of that when I'm naked and caved into his body. Sighing heavily I shut my eyes tight and moved through the fact that I had royally fucked myself into something complicated again, and the fact that I needed to do some damage control. What the hell was I thinking? Oh, yeah…shut up and live in the moment. Right. And I had to admit it was liberating not to be so damn calculated in my thoughts and actions.
And emotions too, don't forget about us.
Edward's sleep induced grunt and momentary cuddle jogged me out of my thoughts for a moment and propelled me into reality. I leaned my face back and peeked down at his blissed out face and I had to smile 'cause he really was damn adorable.
And safe. Don't forget you feel safe.
Apparently I was forgetting a lot of things. But it wasn't that I was forgetting it, it was that I wasn't realizing it in the most intentional way possible. I didn't want to know. Because knowing something and then losing it is what makes things hard in the end. Bliss really was ignorance and I was all for being ignorant.
While I was mulling over the reality of my lonely existence I realized that I really did feel safe. Security was a fleeting feeling in my life. The only other times I could recall this feeling was when I was much younger, before Charlie and Renee had split up and it was so nostalgic knowing that I could pin point that time. Somehow Edward had managed to reduce me into a puddling mess of doubts and affirmations all at the same time and not even know it.
Internally, I knew that there were added hormones coursing through me, because of the sex I just had, and they were more than partially to blame. I realized the clingy Bella was coming to the surface just waiting to rear her ugly head. But would it be so bad to want a connection to someone? Would this play out for the good? Would he wake up and still want me here?
That line of inquiring soon brought me to a huge question mark.
Do I leave before he wakes up?
No, because that's running again retard. You need to stop running! We have been over this. It's a dead horse. Just stop with the insecurity, suck it up, and enjoy being like this.
Now I was just feeling shitty because even to myself I felt like I was trying to regret this. I didn't however and it was frightening how I didn't. The first time I had ever had sex it was planned. Down to the T. I regretted the shit out of that. Not because it was bad, it really wasn't. Nothing at all compared to the romp I just had but not bad. I regretted it because it was so calculated. There was no emotion behind it, not on my part anyway, it was just… fucking. It was getting my virginity out of the way. And I felt bad because I knew I had used him. I had used Mitch in the worst way but it was how he didn't fault me for it in the end that was the killer. He understood even when he wanted more. And I had learned that in the real world, romances like my books didn't exist. There was only sex and no love. Renee left Charlie, Phil tried to cheat on Renee and I was stuck in the middle of everything just watching it all go down. Running away from Renee to Charlie because of Phil then from Charlie to Renee because of Sue only to run from Renee again because of Phil not to mention from Phil. My mind was spinning with all the running.
So stop running. This is a good thing. He is a good thing. You can feel it.
And I could. He was the exterior of everything bad however on the inside he made this whole thing feel good. And safe. My heart was on overdrive at the conclusions I had made in all my internal rambling. He was safe. He was rough and mysterious, he was dark and plaguing but in all of it he was safe. And once my mind matched the two it was set. And I was fucked because if he woke up and realized he had made a mistake by being with me I was going to have another mini breakdown. And I didn't even have a place to have it in. Crying for hours in your truck was just unacceptable with all those windows. So with the parting thoughts of how well I was doing with just blazing through this whole ordeal I decided to just keep on doing that. Blazing right through it. Because I needed to just let go and be for once. I needed to stop overanalyzing myself and what I was doing. It was eating away at me and dragging me down into monotony and unhappiness. This whole aversion to being touched and handled was detrimental to the whole snuggling thing and I was definitely becoming a fan of it.
I felt safe here in this man's arms. I felt like I had a chance at a fictional kinda relationship. 'Lizzy and Darcy' like love. 'Cathy and Heathcliff' like love. Except without the whole unrequited until death bit. Hopefully. It might actually be possible to find it. It was shining through somewhere in this whole mess and I needed to find it. I had to, because if I didn't, I was going to forever lose faith in love altogether. And I was afraid of that more than anything.
While I thought about how safe this felt I understood how I could get past everything if only I could feel this way forever. Living with the guilt of Renee and Phil was consuming a little bit of me every second and I needed this to make it better. I needed to reassure myself that Phil was wrong and I was right. And I needed justification that leaving without an explanation to my mother was for a reason. Because honestly I was a coward. I knew I should have told her everything but would she have believed me? No, she would have taken his side. Just like she took his side when she married him.
Putting my own selfish wants before others was going to need to start happening to. I wanted. I wanted to be wanted but not by just anyone. I wanted Edward to want me.
He wanted you this afternoon. He had you this afternoon.
Perhaps I should have played it coy. I should have stopped him and made him work for it. But honestly, two years without sex is a long time once you've had it and Edward is sex on a stick. So I can't blame myself all on that part. He was throwing himself at me as much as I was him. Throughout all this I knew it wasn't just a sex thing with him. He didn't even have condoms in his apartment. There was nothing in his place that said he was a man whore. No alcohol in the kitchen, no wine glasses in the mess of dishes. No extra toothbrushes in his bathroom. I wasn't sure if there were any sure signs I was supposed to be looking for but he just didn't strike me as that type. I was at ease when I was with him.
He wanted me here. He invited me back and he was genuinely concerned for me. He threw a fit about the incident at the gym and while he was being extremely condescending about the whole thing I enjoyed someone else worrying over me. It was a double whammy of consideration after Emmett and Jasper had practically declared their brotherhood over me. What the hell is going on with these people? Maybe it was the gym, it seems to be the only tying factor. I deserved to be cared for. I knew that deep down I really did need to be but I was never granted that luxury. I was always the caretaker; never the cared for. And while I enjoyed making other people comfortable and happy I needed it too damn it and Edward was someone who could provide that.
If he wanted to. Jesus, what if he doesn't want me? I'm placing all this faith and weight on someone who might not even want me. Oh my God. I literally just spent probably thirty minutes thinking over something and reasoning it and it hasn't even really happened yet.
Desperate, much?
Aren't you supposed to be encouraging this behavior?
I keep you on your toes.
Once again Edward squeezes me to him and I feel all those insecurities melt away because he was holding onto me like a life preserve even in his sleep. I knew that subconsciously he cared because if he didn't he would have rolled over hours ago instead of holding me.
Don't guys not like cuddling after sex?
I'm enjoying this. I will stop over thinking this. I will snuggle into him and forget the world exists. I deserve that much. If I wake up and he wants me gone, I'll go.
But I hope for sake of my sanity and my heart that he doesn't.
I hope he holds onto me with all he's worth.
EPOV
So, we had sex. And it was…wow. I mean, really, I knew her for a day and we had sex but wow. Those legs, her hair, and sweet Jesus her eyes. The way the small of her back met up with the swell of her hip, that dip that just begged to be kissed and touched.
Oh, you have it bad. Not once in that did you bring up her tits or her ass. Sucker.
Huh. I didn't, did I? Looking down at her face I realized that she really is beautiful. I had noticed it earlier but while she was asleep and her guard was down she was so peaceful. She wasn't the kind of girl that you ogled for her private areas. Her chest and rear were deliciously nice however not the point. She was the girl who drew you in with other things. Like her voice…
…when she begged you for it harder.
…and how it calms me instantly when I'm feeling angry.
…yeah that too.
She is amazing. And all too quickly my mind was reeling with things like holding hands while we walked down the beach, picking out china patterns, and arguing over where we would be going on our mandatory date night. Holy shit. What the hell is wrong with me?
Are you worried because you thought about it or because you liked thinking about it? Or are you scared because you like the idea of doing those things? Or maybe it's that you're thinking specifically about doing them with her and not in general. Oh and lying wont work here; I always know the truth. Consider these rhetorical questions.
Well damn. I was falling here. I didn't need a picture drawn for me. Really I could think it back to when I woke up to her thrusting breakfast at me. When she was taking care of me. God only knows I haven't had anyone take care of me for years. The closest I got to anyone caring for me was when Jasper forced me into icing down my bruises and stitched up my cuts. But she did it without knowing me. She cared for me and didn't know a damn thing about me. And just with that thought I was thrown into a tangent about how unsafe it was for her to be doing things like that. I would need to put a stop to that quickly.
Controlling already eh?
Ignoring that train of thought I turned my attention back to the woman in my arms. Would she want to be with someone like me? She didn't strike me as the one night stand sort of girl. I didn't know anything about her but I wanted to. I cared for her intensely already. The fact that she had enough power over me to want sex was proof enough of my attraction. But was it worth the risk of emotional heartbreak if things got to hard for her too fast. There are so many facets of this life that she might not be willing to enter into. Could I trust her with knowing what it is I do? She didn't seem like someone who would run to the police. I had no answer to any of these questions and the one person who could answer them was lying peacefully in my arms.
Fighting was never something I thought about doing. I was angry and sometimes violent with my things but never with people. When I had met Emmett after leaving home he seemed to be the answer to all my problems. I could work at the gym, make a living, and have an outlet for all the pent up rage I possessed. I was an angry motherfucker then, and I still am now but when she walked into my apartment and we started our whole dance leading up to the finale I realized while I was pissed at her not telling me who had hurt her I was controlling the rage. I was tamping it down for her. I didn't want her to see or know what it was I was capable of. I was afraid of scaring her. I was afraid of hurting her. And then she herself seemed to just calm me down. Her voice, her caring, was slowly soothing the anger down. Numbing the rage into something else completely: Desire, Lust, Want.
She's worth the risk you know.
Yeah, I know. She feels like home. How fucking sentimental is that?
I might not know what her answers will be and I might not know how she will react to this whole situation but I had to try. In the eight years since I had left home I had never once felt this way about anyone and I would be damned if I was going to let this go without a fight.
Because honestly, fighting is the only thing I know how to do. And well. At least this time I would be fighting to keep something good. Something good for me.
With that last thought bouncing around in my head I felt her shifting beneath me. Then I realized I was probably crushing her under my leg. Shifting my weight off of her she sighed and rolled into me and I had to hold her there. I watched her face as she relaxed back into me and I couldn't help the grin of victory on mine.
Seriously, try not to fuck this up.
It seemed like I had just shut my eyes for a second but when I woke up again I saw that almost two hours had gone by. Bella was still wrapped up in my arms and we hadn't moved all that much. After about a minute of watching her, her eyes fluttered open and all the previous planning on how I was going to woe this girl to stay with me flew out the window. She had rendered me speechless literally in the blink of an eye. So I say the first thing that comes to my mind.
"Hi."
"Um, hi. What time is it?"
"Around 5:30 in the morning. Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah…you?"
"Best sleep ever."
…
"Look, I don't want you to think I do this kind of thing all the time…I don't know what came over me yesterday. And I don't want to make this anymore awkward than it is so I'll just get my things and go."
Then she started to get up.
Okay, so right now is where it's probably a good idea to say something assbag.
"I don't want you to go."
She stopped and turned to look at me. I realized then that I had grabbed onto her arm. Her eyes bore into my own as if she was trying to figure out how serious I was.
"Please, don't go. I…can we just talk?"
She looked surprised so I bit back a chuckle. Then she sat back and leaned against the pillows watching me like I was going to eat her.
Not a bad idea…
"What do you want to talk about?"
"Well, tell me about yourself. Are you originally from Chicago? How old are you? Are you in school? Why did you decide to work at The Ring? What's your last name? What…"
"Whoa, whoa. Few at a time. Um, I'm from a little town called Forks in Washington state. I'm 21. I'm not in school right now. And I saw Emmett's ad in the paper so I asked for a job and my last name is Swan."
"Why did you move here to Chicago?"
"Well, um. It's a long story."
"I've got time."
She started to pull back a little and I knew I was losing her. She was withdrawing and I would need to tuck that line of questioning away for later. Something about her reason to move here had her scared.
"Sorry, forget it. Um, are you hungry?"
"Wait, I just answered you're questions. What about you?"
"Well, I was born here in Chicago. I'm 26 and I'm a ring fighter of sorts. And my last name is Masen."
"Of sorts?"
"It's complicated."
"Uh hu. You mean illegal. Underground fighting."
I was a little shocked. How had she figured that out?
"It doesn't take a genius to put it together. I mean really, you're beat up, you have old bruises, those guys in at the gym earlier said something about how you would miss an upcoming match because their boss told them to beat you up. So from that I can conclude that you are a ring fighter, because you have a match, and that it's illegal, because in a real match someone wouldn't be beating you up to keep you out of it. They only do shit like that when they have money riding on it and the whole betting on fights thing being illegal… Also you're hands are too scarred up to box and those bruises look too much like knuckles and knees. You kick fight too don't you?"
By the time she had finished her Sherlock Holmes speech I was a little dazed. I wanted to kiss her for being so damn sexysmart and yell at her for making connections that could get her into trouble because honestly there was a lot more going on than a few guys just throwing down a couple hundred dollars on two guys fighting. And there sure as hell was more to the matches than just no gloves and kicking.
"Yeah, it's something like that."
"Look, I won't say anything. You're secrets safe with me."
"How about some food?"
"Alright. There's still some stuff to make breakfast with in the fridge. How do you like your eggs?"
"I can do it."
"Um, no offense but the state of your kitchen, before I got to it, says otherwise. There were at least three plates of burnt food just molding in there."
"Ouch, well at least let me help."
"Can you pour juice?"
By that time I was pulling my boxers on and rolling my eyes at her. She had grabbed her underwear and yanked them on while looking around for her shirt. I tossed her the black wife beater from earlier and she looked at it strangely for a moment before shrugging her shoulders and putting it on. Those little purple panties were going to be the death of me. We both padded out into the living room where I clicked on the TV and followed her into the kitchen. She moved fluidly, pulling things from the fridge and firing up the stove. She was quick and efficient with everything. Soon there was a plate of eggs, toast, bacon, and a glass of milk sitting before me and I heard my stomach grumbling at me to hurry the hell up and dive in but I waited until she had fixed her own plate and joined me at the bar. We sat in silence at we ate. It wasn't uncomfortable but I was dying to hear to talk again. As soon as she put her fork down and pushed the plate away I stood and grabbed her dish along with my own and took them to the kitchen. I washed them off and stuck them in the dishwater then gave her a shit eating grin in some attempt to show her I wasn't a complete slob. She laughed and shook her head and I grinned harder. She was beautiful.
I couldn't help myself when I rushed at her and picked her up quickly carrying her back into the bedroom and plopped her down onto the bed. She squealed and kicked her legs playfully. I lay down beside her and propped myself up on an elbow so that I could look down at her flushed face. She was still smiling at me.
"I really like you."
That seemed to take her by surprise for a moment but she composed herself quickly.
"I really like you too."
"I want to thank you for helping me and I want you to know that I don't do things like this either." I said motioning between us. She nodded and continued to look at me.
"I guess what I'm saying is, is that I really like you, I didn't just want a one time thing, and I want to get to know you. If you want that too that is." I stopped the rambling before it got too embarrassing but she was still smiling at me; her eyes twinkling in the dim lighting of my room.
"I don't want it to be a tone time thing either and I would like to get to know you as well."
Well now that that's out of the way. Aren't you both just sweet? Now we can go get some animal crackers and take a nap before story time.
Before I knew it we had set ourselves off on a massive game of 20 questions. Colors, foods, books, music, and movies were pulled out onto the floor. Favorite moments, worst moments, embarrassing moments. Everything I could think to ask her was pouring out at an alarming rate and I was fascinated with her. She was amazing. Her facial expressions ranging from blushing at embarrassment, to her nose scrunching up when she talked about her hatred of all things pretzels, how her eyes lit up when she talked about her favorite books and how the dreamy expression came over her when she spoke of what bands she eventually wanted to see in concert. She was just too good.
I started to realize as the time went on that I was engaging her in conversation. I was actually interested in what she had to say. I hadn't been interested to hear a damn thing anyone had to say since high school. I bantered with her, we argued but I wasn't angry, merely amused at her ferocity of how she defended her way of thinking.
We shared the same interests in music and I was impressed by how well read she was. Her view and take on some things astounded me. Seeing things through her eyes was so different from the take that I had but I was considering her thoughts with reason. She had points I couldn't argue against.
"So how did you get into fighting?"
"Well, when I was 19 I had somewhat of a falling out with my family. I had anger issues then and I didn't deal with them well. I never hurt anyone. I just…argued and yelled and did stupid things like drink all night and eventually started into drugs.
When Carlisle, my stepfather found out he threatened to have me checked into rehab. I got angry one night and destroyed the house. I broke everything I could get my hands on and left.
Eventually after about three weeks I was homeless and starving. Jasper, my trainer, found me with the shit beaten out of me behind a restaurant. I had been mugged but I had no money or valuables for them to steal so they just beat the hell out of me and left me there. Jasper was working as a bartender at the time and took me to his place, which is two floors above us by the way, and fixed me up.
He helped me get a job bussing tables and I started to go to the gym with him at night. After a few weeks of working out Emmett and Jasper both approached me with the idea of fighting. I was good in the ring when sparring and they thought I had potential. The thing was, I was still really angry about everything so it was a great way for me to kinda let it all out.
After a while I was making a pretty good name for myself and the matches were getting more intense. I was making a couple grand at first then ten grand, twenty…so I quit my job working at the restaurant and dove into training full time. Jasper gets a cut of the money and so does Emmett."
She looked pensive for a moment at all that I had told her. I watched her face intently, looking for the moment she would pull away from me. She didn't however she just reached her hand up and traced around the stitching in my eyebrow before leaning up and kissing it.
"I'm sorry about your parents but I'm glad you found Jasper and Emmett, even if they did get you into fighting."
"So what about you? Earlier, when I asked why you were here in Chicago you never answered me."
She seemed to withdraw from me again and I felt that flare of anger well up. I just told her something I considered private and she had issues telling me why she was in a city? But before I could throw a fit about it she sucked in a deep breath and dove right into her answer.
"When I was seven my parents got divorced. Charlie, my father, is the police chief in Forks. My mother, Renee, she's kind of a free spirit so to speak. When they split I went with my mother to live in Arizona.
Renee remarried when I was 16 to a guy named Phil. He's a minor league baseball player. I knew Renee wanted to go with him when he had all his away games but she stayed with me because she felt like she had to. So I told her I would move back with Charlie. I never told her the real reasons I had for leaving because I knew she would have disagreed.
Anyway, I lived with Charlie for about a year before he remarried. So at that point I decided to give them their space. I moved to Florida with my mom before I had to start school. Things got kinda crazy with school, Renee said I was taking things too seriously and running myself into the ground and so the summer before I was supposed to graduate mom offered to let me come on the road with the team. Phil was all for it. Anyway, things got kinda complicated and when they were at a game in Milwaukee I left. I mean I got a ticket and road the bus here and one thing led to another and I got a job at The Ring."
When she was done I had a whole new round of questions to ask but the look on her face said she was done talking about it. There was an aversion to this person Phil that I couldn't shake. She seemed bitter about him. Whether it was because he was the reason she had to leave her mother or there was something else going on I had no idea. But I was going to find out.
"So where are you staying?"
"Uh, I have a place."
And suddenly it was nine o'clock, our second round of 20 questions was officially over and I hadn't even realized time had gone by that quickly. She yawned and stretched, giving me a nice view of her stomach. She was swimming in my undershirt but damn if it didn't look good on her.
I wonder what else I could get her into. Oooo, the baseball jersey! The striped button down. No, no I got it. Nothing but your sparring shorts. The blue ones. HOT.
I willed my libido away and offered her the shower again. Cause damn if I didn't like it smelling like her when she left. Then I realized she had to work and I had no clue when. So I crept toward the bathroom door and cracked it open enough to speak through.
"When do you have to be at the gym?"
"Um, eleven. What time is it now?"
Glancing at the clock I turned and tried not to look at the reflection of the shower in the mirror. I didn't know if I should curse or bless the fogged glass doors.
"It's nine thirty. I'll get a shower after you and we can leave together."
Before she could respond I shut the door and walked back into the living room to give her some privacy. A few moments later she walked out wearing her jeans and a towel around her top.
"Umm, can I borrow a shirt? My other one smells." Her nose scrunched up so fucking cute and I chuckled at her.
"Sure, the dresser in the closet has some t shirts in them, help yourself."
"Okay."
The look on her face was priceless. She probably figured I would pick one for her but honestly I wanted to know which one she would choose for herself. I sidestepped her and got into the shower, leaving the door wide open in case she needed to use the sink or anything while I was in.
I got out later and dressed noticing that she wasn't in the bedroom and I'll admit I cheated a little in the closet trying to figure out what shirt she had taken. Eventually I gave up and walked into the living room to find that she was not in there either. She was in the kitchen starting the dishwasher when I found her and I stopped short when I saw what she was wearing. My grey and black vans shirt. My favorite fucking shirt. She had it tied loosely in a knot at the small of her back and she had rolled up the sleeves so that it fit her better. I wanted to be pissed. I wanted to tell her to take it off and pick another one but fuck me she looked hot in that shirt. Her tiny waist swathed in the material. I walked up behind her and placed my hands on her hips and she jumped. She smelled so damn good. I hoped like hell that the shirt smelled like her later. I would never wash that fucking thing again.
You're turning into a girl.
So to rescue my manly bearings I kissed her neck and sucked the soft spot behind her ear. She moaned and I felt the heat rising to her skin. My thumbs brushed her hips and slipped under the hem of the shirt to rub the skin there. She's so warm and soft.
"You ready to head to the gym?" I asked her against the flesh of her neck.
"I am, you're staying here."
What? I'm sorry did she just tell me what to do? Huh. She did.
"I'm going with you. Before you say anything, I won't touch a piece of equipment I need to speak with Emmett and Jazz. But I am going to start back to training next week."
She sighed knowing she had been defeated and nodded her head. I looked down and saw her hands clenched around the counter edge. My feisty little kitten how I loved her, claws and all. Just the fact that I was already defending my actions and providing excuses to her was comical. I was really falling for this girl. I was being accountable to her.
After a collection of keys, wallet, and sunglasses we made our way down to her truck. It was… an interesting vehicle to say the least. I felt like I was actually riding on the engine itself when we set off. She smiled at me apologetically and I shrugged. I wasn't snobby about it. It might not be anything like the Volvo but I wasn't going to hold it against her. It sure as fuck beat walking and while I wasn't thrilled that she drove it I wasn't going to look down on her for it. She needed a safe vehicle though. Maybe if things go right I can buy her one in a few months. Something sleek and small. No, an SUV. She would need to be safe in it not fast.
Okay, I'm going to stop your right there 'cause you need to pull your head out of your heart and get it in the game right now. You won't get to 'a few months from now' if you don't stop this. Obsessive pondering of buying vehicles and lusting thoughts of her in your favorite shirt. Seriously get a grip before you freak her the fuck out.
I leaned my head against the window and rolled my eyes at myself. Jekyll, Hyde complex much? At the neighborhood slowly transgressed into businesses I began to feel a little tension ease into me. The farther away we got from the apartment I started to feel the aggression build. We were leaving the safety of privacy and entering into the fucked up world that I had managed to get myself stuck in. I was going to walk into that gym in a few moments with Bella and have to deal with the shit storm and it was pissing me off. She didn't need to deal with that shit. I didn't need to deal with that shit. And with those concurring thoughts I realized that we would have to deal with it together. It made me feel marginally better however I was still pissy about it.
Once we arrived I had to physically force myself out of the truck and when I was out and the door was shut I raced to her side and took her hand. She seemed put off by this but at that point I didn't give a damn. I needed the physical contact to help tamp down this feeling of dread. As if by entering the gym the past nights events would be erased and I would never get them back.
Also the knowledge that by holding her hand when we went it I would be nipping in the bud any advancement toward Bella caused me to grip her hand just a little tighter. I wasn't being cocky but any asshole who attended this gym knew in some form that I was not to be fucked with and by association neither was Bella. Marking her as mine through a simple enough gesture like holding her hand was all I was going to grant myself at this point.
The gyms air conditioning was cut and the fans were going full blast. I steered us to Emmett's office and she didn't complain. We were greeted by Jasper.
"Well, well, well, look who decided to grace us with his presence."
"Shut the hell up. I felt like shit. I'm here now. Where's shit face?"
"Emmett's making rounds and schmoozing with customers. How's the eye doing?"
He came around the desk and peered at my face with a critical eye. Assessing whether or not I would be in condition to fight soon no doubt.
"It's just peachy keen. Bella here does a much better job of stitching than your sorry ass."
I squeezed her hand and she blushed. Jasper's attention was drawn to our entwined fingers and his eyebrow shot so high I thought it had left his face. He looked at me hard and I shrugged. My business with my girl.
He shook his head and Emmett waltzed in, loud as ever.
"Edward! My man! Seriously, nice to see you. The way Bella was talking yesterday I thought you would be in bed for another few days."
I turned to Bella with raised eyebrows and she blushed harder, suddenly fascinated with the corner of the desk.
I leaned in close to her ear so that only she could hear me, "You didn't seem to think that way yesterday afternoon."
Then she shocked the shit out of me by smiling sweetly and responding without missing a beat.
"Actually I did plan on keeping you in bed for another few days."
Emmett's laughter rang out and I realized our exchange was caught. The office was too small for us not have been heard. Jasper smirked, obviously amused.
"It seems we have finally found the one thing that can distract sullen Cullen from his prize."
"Sorry to disappoint you boys but I'm still as focused as ever. The prize has just changed and I must say it is much more appealing." I directed my statement to Jasper but looked at Bella.
"Well this conversation seems to be going nowhere fast so I'm going to get started on my chores for today. You promised…"
"I won't do a thing but talk."
She smiled and relaxed. Waving at the guys she exited the office. I turned to Emmett and my gaze hardened.
"Where is Mike?"
"He's gone, banned from the gym as well as Tyler but not before I taught them both how to fight fair. I know for a fact that they won't be in any shape to make their handlers any money."
His answer was expected but it did nothing to make me feel any better about not getting my own shots in. I seethed and slunk down into the cheap vinyl chair in front of Emmett's desk. Jasper's cool demeanor was pissing me off as well. He leaned against the desk and was still silently appraising me.
"What?" I asked him. Perhaps a little too harshly.
"She's good for you."
"Shut the hell up Jasper. I'm not talking about it."
"Fine, but you do know whatever happens in your social life affects your fighting. I need to know that this, whatever you have going with her, isn't going to be a negative thing. I don't think it is right now, but be careful. The number one thing that can ruin a good fighter is a woman, I should know. And I like Bella. So don't fuck it up."
My glare went soft and I had to admit he was right. From what I knew of Jasper's past he had first hand experience to how badly a woman could fuck you up when it came to fighting. I nodded my appreciation at him for his words and went back to sulking.
"I'm back to training next week."
"Good. I'm putting together a routine right now. I want us to concentrate on your speed and upper cuts."
I sighed and leaned back in my chair. It was irrational how badly I wanted Bella back in the room. It was absurd how I needed to have that contact after only knowing her two days. It was ridiculous how she had me wrapped around her finger. It was fucking amazing how good all of those things made me feel. And I was fucked, because Jasper was right. Bella Swan had the power to fuck me royally.
Another freaking A/N:
Cause a got a question about this…
Tanya, Jessica, and Lauren do not make an appearance in this fic. Well, maybe Jessica or Lauren...or both...and it will be brief like only a few lines brief. But no Tanya. I still dislike her enough to leave her out altogether cause I would hate for an unnecessary character death. And it would be ridiculously painful and drawn out. Like she was crushed by Edward's piano when he was moving out of his apartment b/c they had to lower it out of a window and the cables snapped. But she didn't die on impact and she was coherent until she died of internal bleeding which happened to take about a year. Yeah, I should stick to people just living. But shit, that means I could still pull off the piano thing and just leave the bitch alive. I mean really, I know that Tanya wasn't bad in Twilight but you just want to hate her…
So yea, no Tanya. Perhaps a little Lauren and Jess. Perhaps.
Oh and no Angela either. I mean I like Angela, but she has no space here. So yeah, that is all on that.
Also on a completely different note, I plan on updating at least once a week. Perhaps twice. And the next few chapters will be shorter because they pertain mostly to the building of plot. Even if I do enjoy mindless fluff, sweaty-half-naked-aggressive Edward and lemons this does have a purpose. I can't really remember what that purpose is right now because I'm kinda spacing on the sweaty naked aggressive Edward bit. So I'm going to end this right here... and uh…yeah….think some more. ;)
Leave me some love.