December 25 Christmas Day

CHAPTER – 16 BPOV NOT A CREATURE WAS STIRRING

Etta James – Trust In Me

Trust in me in all you do
Have the faith I have in you
Love will see us through, if only you trust in me
Why don't you trust me?
Come to me when things go wrong

Cling to me daddy and I'll be strong
We can get along, we can get along if only you trust in me
While there's a moon, a moon on high
While there are birds, birds to fly

While there is you, you and I can be sure that I love you...
Stand beside me, stand beside me all the while
Come on daddy face the future, why don't you smile?
Trust in me, and I'll be worthy of you
Why don't you trust in me in all you do?
Have the faith that I have in you

And love will see us through, if only you trust in me
Why don't you come to me, when things go wrong, cling to me and I'll be strong
We can get along, we can get along if only you trust in me...

BPOV

Drip. Drip. Drip.

My eyebrows furrowed in concentration, trying to discern the noise through deafening silence.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Wetness seeped into my clothes. My jeans grew abrasive and heavy against my legs and my shirt started to cling to my sides. I was weightless.

Drip. Drip. …

My arms began to float as the water rose above my chest.

Drip. … …

I felt the cool surface of the porcelain against my feet.

… … …

I blinked and looked down at the shiny faucet. My hair slithered around my neck like wispy vines. I sucked in a shaky breath and looked around the white bathroom. The yellow shower curtain looked so bright. The lime green and white tiling on the floor was pristine.

Renee always loved bright colors.

Instead of getting out of the tub like I should have, I floated, feeling the water ripple around my face, and stared around at what used to be my bathroom. Before I could register anything else the water in the tub became freezing. I sat up sharply, reaching for the hot water knob and just as it was turning, I heard the door creaking open.

My breath caught.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

I slammed my eyes shut.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

"Isabella…"

The weight of my clothes lifted and I looked down at my nude form.

No. Please, no.

"I've missed you Isabella…"

A hot hand gripped my shoulder and I thrashed, my hands gripping the sides of the tub as I was being pushed down under the frigid surface.

I could barely make out his form through the rippling, sloshing water.

"I've missed you so much Isabella…"

Please, God, please no more…

"Bella…"

I can't do this anymore. Please, make it go away.

"Bella!"

I shut my eyes and prayed that this time I would stop breathing.

Please, just let me stop breathing. I don't want this anymore.

"BELLA!"

My eyes popped open and I gasped. Edward had my shoulders in a vice grip as he gently shook me.

"Jesus, are you okay? You've been kicking for the past five minutes. I thought you weren't going to wake up."

I sucked in the air my lungs were burning for and nodded at him. He watched me warily, still clutching my shoulders.

"I'm fine. I just, it was just a bad dream that's all."

"It was like someone was trying to kill you."

My eyes closed briefly as I fought a shiver.

"I'm okay, Edward. It was just a nightmare. I can't even remember it now."

He sighed heavily and pulled me to his chest. I prayed he wouldn't ask anymore about it. I breathed in deeply, smelling his skin and musk, allowing it to soothe me.

"What time is it?"

"Uhhh, four-thirty, why?"

"I have to be up at five-thirty anyway, I might as well just get up now."

"Wait, what, why? No, it's fucking Christmas; we're sleeping in."

"Um, no. You're sleeping in. I'm going to go make breakfast for everyone and then wake your ass up at seven."

I watched as his mouth opened and closed a few times in indignation.

"I'll bargain with you. What do you want in exchange for staying here with me until…noonish?"

"I want to get up and make everyone breakfast. C'mon Edward, I want to. Go back to sleep and I'll wake you up when it's time to eat, okay?"

I slid out of bed and listened as he bitched and whined, kicked the covers and punched the pillows before settling back into bed, on my side. Once I made it into the bathroom and had the door shut and locked, I let out a ragged breath. The dreams were becoming frequent occurrences and they were getting clearer. All those memories that I had worked so hard to shut down were bubbling back up to the surface. I was fighting a losing battle between my conscious and my subconscious. Getting through the day now and not thinking about it was getting hard. I felt myself actually contemplating not telling Edward.

What he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Cringing, I got up quickly and started the shower. The tears would come soon whether or not I wanted them to. I stepped under the scalding spray and winced when the burn settled over my shoulders and breasts. My hair soaked through quick enough and I swallowed thickly trying to combat the waves of emotions running through me.

Even now, far away from him, he was still managing to ruin my life. Even now, when I was happy and loved, he managed to crack open the feelings of guilt in me. I sank down against the tiles of the shower and wrapped my arms around my knees, hugging them to my chest and pressing my face into them. I was trying to muffle my sobs as best as I could. My chest shook violently as I clenched my eyes shut and willed it away. No matter how hard I tried to calm down, it never worked. I was grateful that Edward had never seen me break down like this. The weight of everything was accumulating inside me and I knew I needed to talk to someone. I knew I needed to tell Edward. The fear of his rejection, of his ill opinion of me was enough to cause fresh waves of hysteria. Just imagining the look on his face when I did tell him, if I told him, was jarring to my self imposed silence.

The water had cooled to a tolerable warmth, letting me know I had been sitting here too long. I finished my shower and dressed quietly, careful not to wake Edward again. Gathering up our gifts for everyone, I crept out of the apartment.

If I knew Alice, she was already up doing something. I was right; she answered the door quickly and pulled me into the apartment. It always made me laugh how she did that; as if by not quickly yanking the person in, they would leave.

"You're early."

"I couldn't sleep."

"Uh huh, and you expect me to believe that Edward just let you out of bed…what…thirty minutes early?"

I glared at her and quirked an eyebrow.

"You want a breakfast or not?"

She huffed and smiled, taking the gifts from me and waving me into the kitchen. I rolled my eyes and began snooping around her fridge and pantry, pulling out everything I would need to make a large breakfast. I worked quickly, quietly mixing the batter for pancakes and waffles and making fluffy eggs, bacon, biscuits and hash browns. And I blushed profusely when slicing up the fruit. By the time seven came around, I knew it was time to go wake up Edward. I set everything out onto the bar buffet-style and left before Alice had a chance to say anything. I passed a grinning Emmett and a grumpy Rosalie on my way to Edward's apartment. I slipped in silently and went straight into the bedroom.

He was sprawled on his stomach, one arm reaching over onto my side of the bed, the other tucked under the pillow and his legs stretched out. I watched as his back rose and fell with steady breaths. It comforted me to watch him sleeping. He was so tame and calm this way, such a difference from when he was awake. The feeling of calm that spread from his slumbering form and permeated into me was intense. And knowing he hadn't always been this way, I felt the need to keep him comfortable and safe.

Telling him the truth would be going against such notions.

Gingerly, I threaded my fingers through his hair and lightly scratched his scalp. I heard his low moan and grinned.

"Edward, wake up sweetheart."

"No, you come to bed."

"C'mon, I made breakfast up at Alice's and I have a sure fire way to get around Jasper."

His perked up and rolled out of bed, tugging on a shirt and scratching his head before wandering into the bathroom. I waited for him to finish his morning routine while thinking about my plan against Jasper.

"What's the plan?"

"Just let me take care of it, let's go. I passed Emmett and Rose on the way here and hopefully there'll be breakfast left when get up there."

I grabbed his hand and we made our way up to Alice's. Jasper was already there, lounging in the kitchen and eyeing the food on the bar. He saw me and opened his mouth to protest.

"Before you say anything, Jasper - the pancakes are whole wheat, the eggs are protein, and there's fruit. And damn, he needs a little starch in his diet, the hash browns were cooked with vegetable oil and not butter."

I could see his lips pursing into a thin line and I thought maybe I had over estimated my new found bond with Jasper.

"And…it's Christmas."

He rolled his eyes and shoved a plate at Edward before stalking off. I grinned and pressed a quick kiss to Edward's cheek before grabbing a plate of my own. We all tucked in and I snuck a few pieces of bacon to Edward when Jasper was too preoccupied with Alice. We giggled and smirked at each other; everyone was having a good time.

After we were all fat and happy, Alice declared it time to open presents. It was fun. I was having fun. We all crowded into the living room, Rose and Emmett on the love-seat, Alice and Jasper on the couch and I was perched on Edward's lap in the arm chair. It was like a picture out of a magazine. Alice's tiny tree that was overdecorated, all the hanging lights and festive colors around her house added to the mood and merriment. Emmett turned on the TV and Charlie Brown's Christmas was midway through.

I laughed when Emmett and Edward fought over who would open presents first. Alice intervened and said we would all open them at the same time. She handed out the gifts and we all looked around at who got what. It was light and fun and there was laughter and teasing.

I had left my gifts to Edward upstairs and I knew that the few things he opened up here might of made him feel like he was losing out, but I couldn't wait to see his face when he got back upstairs to open his gifts. As soon as Emmett was done thanking everyone for his gifts, he grabbed Rose and they made their way out of the apartment. I wondered what had him more excited, the new video games or…Rose.

I noticed Alice and Jasper off in their own little world, so I nudged Edward and we got up silently and leaving them to their own devices.

Once we were back in our own apartment, I pulled Edward to the couch and reached under the tree for his gifts. He gave me a small smile and patted the seat next to him. I handed him the stocking that I had filled for him, waiting to give him his other three gifts. It took a lot of effort on my part to get the gifts I had gotten him. Honestly, it was hard to think of a gift in the first place not to mention actually getting my hands on one of them was hard. In the end, I had gone to Jasper to seek help and he came through with flying colors; I had not expected him to do so well.

I watched as he dug through the stocking, laughing at the small items he pulled out. Amidst the candy canes and other candies, I had put two or three stress balls and sports tape along with boxes of sterile gauze. The mirth reflected in his jade eyes made my face flush. It was impossible not to feel the warmth spread through me when he looked like that.

After he was done sorting through them he kissed me and turned to grab a gift off the coffee table.

"Wait, open all mine first, please?"

He smiled again and patiently leaned back against the cushions waiting for me. I could see the excitement in his eyes as I pulled the largest of them forward. It was also the heaviest. I handed it to him and he squinted his eyes at how hefty it was. I was grinning so hard at this point I couldn't contain myself. It was a silly gift but I knew he would appreciate it.

He tore off the red paper with relish and popped open the top to reveal my gift to him. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion and I laughed at him.

"Flip it over."

He took the brick out of the box and flipped it over. On the bottom was a seal of authenticity. His face registered with comprehension and he laughed. I giggled and bit my lip.

"Wow. I didn't even know they were selling these things."

"Well, I saw an ad for them when we shopping the other day and I had to get it for you."

The brick was from Wrigley Field. They had renovated some areas of the stadium and sold off some of the bricks as "pieces of history". As soon as I had seen the ad, I knew it would be a perfect gift for Edward. He loved the Cubs.

He lifted the brick a few times and just looked at me with wonderment. I laughed again and took the brick from him, placing it back in the box and setting it on the coffee table.

"Okay, so you're ready for this one now."

He looked at me with apprehension and took the envelope that I had tied ribbons on. This is the major gift that I hoped he would enjoy.

"Merry Christmas, Edward."

He tore open the envelope with care and I knew when his eyebrows shot up that he was surprised.

"How…they're…there's a waiting list…"

"Jasper apparently knows some people…I don't know and I didn't ask how he did it. Honestly, I wasn't expecting them to be that nice but Jasper either doesn't do anything halfway or his friend really owed him. Do you like them? You don't have to take me, I know Emmett would love to go."

"No! We're going; I'm not wasting this on Emmett!"

The season tickets to Wrigley Field came at a hefty price and I willingly paid for it. I had expected infield terrace seating, field box seating at the best, but Jasper came through in high style with dugout seats and I almost kissed him for it.

"Shit, Bella, dugout?! These had to cost a fortune."

"Not really and like I said, Jasper helped me."

He swept me up in his arms and squeezed me tightly to his chest.

"Thank you, I…Jesus, thank you. This is awesome!"

Elated that he had enjoyed my gift, I laughed at his enthusiasm.

"Um, one more thing."

"Seriously? There's more?"

"Well, this is kinda…it's not like the others."

He watched patiently as I pulled out the small box and handed it to him. I didn't bother wrapping it. It was white and plain, and suddenly I felt it looked more daunting unwrapped. The lack of festive paper made it seem so much more significant.

He took it with a slight tremor in his hand and smiled weakly. I fought the urge to shut my eyes and wait for his reaction. Averting my eyes, I looked at the brick on the coffee table when I heard the lid slide off the box.

"Um, what is it?"

"It's a pendant. It represents the Archangel Raphael. Um, when I was younger, for a few years I went to Catholic school and I don't really consider myself Catholic or very religious but when I saw this in the antique store, I thought of you. You see, the Archangel Raphael is one of the only three angels ever mentioned in the Bible by name. He um, basically was considered the Angel of Healing. There are old parables that I could tell you and honestly, I don't remember much of them but I do remember that he was the patron saint of bodily harm, illness, and health. He was the patron saint of a lot of things but those were ones that stood out to me. I just thought you might need all the help you can get…"

He stopped me by placing a gentle kiss on my lips and when he pulled away, he knelt before me on the couch and held the box up to me. I pulled out the chain and watched as the flat round ornament swung heavily before clasping it around his neck.

"Thank you, Bella. This means a lot to me."

I smiled at him and hoped he really did like it. It was somewhat of a serious gift in light of its reasons. He kissed me again, slowly and softly before releasing me and handing me two wrapped gifts from the pile on the coffee table.

I grinned and tore the paper off quickly, gasping at the leather bound journals. They had intricate patterns stamped into the leather and gold accents around the edges.

"Edward, they're beautiful! They must have cost…"

"No, don't worry about that. I only care if you like them."

"I love them! They're so pretty. I…thank you. Thank you. Thank you."

I punctuated each word with a kiss and soon we were laughing and clutching each other on the couch.

"Here, open this one and remember it's Christmas, so no complaining."

I felt my stomach drop out at his words. I knew he was going to buy me something ridiculously expensive, but I hadn't wanted to linger on those thoughts for too long.

The box was a little larger than the journals in width and about six inches deep. I delicately peeled off the shimmering white paper, and my lips parted at the ornate box beneath. There was an oriental style swan carved into the lid and my eyes began to prickle with tears.

"Open it." He whispered.

I gently lifted the lid and felt my breath stop. There nestled into the silky fabric were hundreds of pearls. They shimmered in the morning light and I had no other reaction but to just stare at them.

"Do you like it? I…they just seemed to fit you."

"I…Edward…It's…"

He took the box from me gently and I looked up at his warm smile. He took the necklace from the box and fastened it around my neck. The pearls were ice cold against my skin but quickly drew heat from my body. I reached up and gingerly touched the strands with my fingertips.

"They look beautiful on you."

"Thank you." My voice was reduced to a whisper as the tears slid down over my cheeks.

"Edward…I.."

"Shhh, I have something else and this one means a lot to me okay, so just wait here."

I nodded at him dumbly before unfastening the necklace and putting it back into the box. I felt strange wearing it so lightly; afraid I would break it with one false move.

Edward returned with another box that was the size of his palm. It was flat with a bubbled top and I my heart sped up looking at it. He couldn't possibly have….

"Just hear me out, okay?"

I nodded as he got on his knees in front of me and I felt sick at what he was going to do.

"I have been agonizing over this for probably close to months now. Since the moment you walked into my life…well, since the moment I woke up to you in my life, I have been the happiest I have ever been…ever. You have given me so much and in return I feel as if nothing I can give you is ever enough. You have placed your trust in me, your love and your happiness. I want to do the same. I wanted to tell you at the right moment and I think I've been putting so much leverage on the right moment, that I've been missing the whole point of this in the first place and that was to let you know.

Bella, I love you. I was afraid when you told me not because I didn't love you back, but because I felt like shit for the person who I was. I was convinced that I couldn't change myself and that my life was too unstable for you exist in it, but I came to realize that I was no longer that person. From the minute I saw your eyes, I knew I was different man. I wanted to be a different man. So I wanted to give you something in return for all your love, trust, and happiness. I wanted to give you a promise. A promise that one day, I will make you happy and I'll give you the life that you are worthy of.

"I…can't do that right now. I can't give you the stability that you deserve but one day I will. I love you. I love you so much I can't think straight about anything else. I promise you right now that I'll love you forever. This is a promise that you have my heart and that I will fight for you until I can't breathe.

"The fight is only a few days away. I've had to re-prioritize my life. I made you the sole beneficiary to my will. You are also the executor to my living will..."

I leaned forward to refute him but he quickly headed me off before I could even utter a word.

"No, Bella, listen to me. If something happens to me, you have to do what you think is right. I trust you, please. I love you and this is what I want."

I felt his hands close over my own as he leaned forward to kiss away my tears and when he pulled back, my right hand felt heavy. I looked down and let out a strangled cry. It was…massive, beautiful, ostentatious, blinding, and just so…Edward. The green emeralds were peeking around the diamonds in an intricate pattern as they winked at me. The color reminded me of his eyes.

"I'm going to ask you to marry me one day, not today, but one day I will ask."

I looked up at him and the tears came in earnest as I launched myself at him.

"Promise you'll come back to me, that's all I want. Just promise you'll come back to me. I can't…please."

He made soothing noises and crushed me to his chest as we rocked on the floor between the couch and the coffee table. My body was wedged between his legs and I clawed to get closer to him. I didn't want jewelry or expensive things, I just wanted him to come back to me.

"Please, anything, I'll give anything, just come back to me."

"I will. I'll come back to you, baby."

And with the soothing smells of cinnamon and pine swirling around us, the sunlight shining in through the windows and silhouetting the Christmas tree, I clung to Edward as he held me tightly and we whispered promises of forever to each other before he swung me up into his arms and carried me into the bedroom. I lay on the bed with the foreign, new weight of his ring on my finger and watched as he peeled my plaid pajama bottoms off with my panties. He undressed me so carefully and sweetly, it brought on a few more tears before he undressed himself and lay down with me. He pulled the covers up over us and we snuggled, kissing and touching and just feeling each other. Every swell of muscle and every inch of flesh being caressed and felt.

When he finally hovered over and entered me, we both sighed in satisfaction. He was gentle, loving and as I reached my high, I heard him whispering into my ear how much he loved me, how he cherished me and adored me. His pace quickened and he bowed his head into my neck as he found his own release with muffled curses. I smiled and gripped onto his back, holding him to me as he slowly lowered his weight onto my body.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too."

A few moments later he rolled us over and pulled me on top of him before we both fell asleep.

**

I wiped my forehead against the heat in the kitchen and peered into the oven at the turkey that had been cooking for the past five hours. Edward and I had woken up a little after eleven and showered together. It seemed his profession of love made him a tad bit clingy. I wasn't going to complain, it was nice knowing that he felt the same way. Alice had come down to our apartment soon after I first stuck the turkey in to cook. She fawned over the pearls that Edward had bought me and actually squealed when she saw my ring. I took it off before I started cooking, much to Edward's chagrin. I, however, couldn't imagine stuffing a turkey with that thing on my hand. I had a sneaking suspicion I wouldn't get away with not wearing it most of the time. It was a beautiful ring, but it scared the shit out of me and I'd rather just admire it from afar…afar in it's box, in a safe, where I technically wouldn't be able to see it.

Commitaphobe, commitaphobe, commitaphobe.

I wasn't afraid of committing to Edward. I was committed to him. I was living with him and I loved him but the ring…the ring meant more. The ring said we were no longer living in the moment. The ring meant promises and future plans. The ring was mocking me. It was saying, "Look what he did, he just laid it all out there and you've already fucked yourself from the beginning." It was a hateful, beautiful, token of love.

I sighed heavily and checked the temperature on the turkey. Everything else was done and being kept warm on the stove, so far Christmas dinner was looking good. We had decided to have it here in our apartment since Jasper had Thanksgiving in his place and Alice had Christmas breakfast in hers. That and the fact that I enjoyed cooking here instead of in someone else's kitchen.

With thirty minutes left for the turkey, I went about getting plates ready and cleaning up some of the mess I'd made when I felt Edward come into the kitchen. I turned and peeked over my shoulder at him and fought the urge to drool. He had showered and dressed in a pair of jeans and a fitted red button down. I had no idea what the fuck it was about him rolling up those damn sleeves but it made me wanna just pounce on him and grip onto his arms as we had sex.

Um, turkey, in the oven, must check on food.

I snapped my head back around and peered into the oven once more. The little button had popped this time, so I took it out and set it on the cleared spot on the stove.

"It smells really good, baby."

"Thanks, is everyone here?"

"Yeah, Emmett and Rose just got here a few minutes ago. He did a little pre-gaming at his place before coming over."

"Oh no, how drunk is he?"

"Not drunk, well not yet."

I rolled my eyes and handed him the carving knife and fork so that he could make quick work of the bird. He looked at me strangely before taking them out of my hand carefully but before I could move past him, he grabbed a hold of my waist and kissed my forehead.

"Thank you."

I looked at him in confusion, "For what?"

"For…just being you…for being with me."

"You are turning into such a sap, you know that?"

"Fuck, Bella. It's Christmas, I don't wanna have to be stern with you later after everyone leaves."

"Stern? You don't wanna have to be stern with me? I really hope that's sap code for spank."

His eyes lit up and I grinned at him. His fingers dug into my hip as he pulled me forward. I heard the knife and fork hit the counter before I was pressed against the sink.

"You're going to get it later."

"God, I hope so. Santa promised me nookie."

"Santa will die for propositioning you."

"Cut the damn bird, Edward."

I laughed and pushed him off me, watching his satisfied smirk as I exited the kitchen. Asshole knows exactly how to fluster me. I blew out a deep breath as I walked into the living room. Jasper and Alice were snuggled on the couch watching Miracle on 34th Street. Emmett and Rosalie were sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table amusing themselves.

"Dinner's ready."

They all turned to look at me with smiles. As they rose to get up, I wandered back into the kitchen to find Edward proudly placing the turkey in the center of the dining room table where we were all going to squish ourselves in at to eat. He beamed at me and I laughed, patting him on the chest as I went to get the rest of the plates and utensils.

Soon enough, we were all seated at the table and filling our plates. Jasper grunted in displeasure at the sight of Edward's filled plate and in return, Edward smiled smugly as he unceremoniously dumped a large dollop of mashed potatoes on his plate followed by snagging two rolls.

I had done a lot of pleading for Edward so that he could enjoy this meal, and I was torn between scolding him for rubbing it in Jasper's face and smiling myself at how well I had done so that he could have a good time tonight. In my defense, it was my first Christmas with all of them and I did want to see everyone enjoy themselves. I worked hard at cooking all the food and Jasper knew it would make me feel bad if Edward didn't get a chance to enjoy it.

"Bella, this…this is so good. I don't know how I survived on holidays before you got here." Emmett said with his mouth full of food.

I laughed because he was the only person I knew who could talk while chewing and still be understood. Years of practice, I'm sure. I smiled shyly at him and ducked my head. I felt Edward's hand rub up my back, move under my hair and settle on my neck, smoothing circles into my muscles. I peeked over and saw him beaming at me with such pride. My face was frozen as I took in the sparkle of his eyes. The pride, the happiness reflected in them caught me off guard. I had never seen anyone look at me that way. Not my mother or my father, not any of the guys I had dated in the past, no one ever looked at me like that. My heart swelled with an unknown feeling and I felt my throat constrict with strange emotions.

"I don't know how I survived with her before, period." He murmured low enough that only I heard him.

No one had ever been proud of me before and as I came to this realization, it made me so sad. I had cooked family meals before but not once did I ever get more than a 'thank you'. It might be selfish or vain to want the praise, but I still felt the pang of emptiness that my past held for me. I was elated to have it now but slightly morose knowing that I was twenty-two living with my boyfriend, who I had only known for months and he was the one who really appreciated me like this. Emmett's kind words had hit a soft spot I didn't know I had. I suddenly didn't have much of an appetite. Thoughts of Phil crept up from the back of my head and his leering face pushed at my carefully constructed facade. Why, at this moment, my mind decided to remind me of my silent lie, I have no idea but it made my stomach drop and my mouth go dry.

Edward must have seen the panic on my face because his eyes screwed up in confusion and concern. I smiled weakly at him to assuage his worries before I began to force food into my mouth. He didn't buy it for a minute and I shivered when he leaned in toward me.

"Will you help me in the kitchen for a second?"

I nodded and we both rose to excuse ourselves. Emmett laughed raucously, waggling his eyebrows at us comically before continuing his feeding frenzy. Rose just rolled her eyes and Alice looked on with concern.

As soon as we were sequestered away into the kitchen, he wrapped his arms around me and leaned us against the fridge.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just feeling a little nostalgic, it's Christmas after all."

"Bella…"

I huffed and buried my face in his chest.

"No one's ever complimented me like that before. I mean you do it all the time but it's just that, my mother never even said anything like that to me and Charlie was always too oblivious about that kind of thing…"

"We all appreciate you. You're amazing and there's a reason why you get stuck cooking all the time."

I giggled and kissed his neck.

"I'm fine, I just don't take the attention very well that's all."

That and thoughts of my perverted, fucked up step-father have been intruding into my subconscious for the past few weeks and it's making me a nervous wreck.

"That's not all that's bothering you though."

"Can we talk about this later?"

He gave me a patronizing look and kissed me sweetly before we went back out to eat with everyone. I felt a little reserved and tried my best to participate in the conversation but I my memories of past holidays were not as cheery as everyone else's, so I resolved to listen and laugh at their tales.

Once everyone was done scraping pie off their plates, we all retreated into the living room to lounge around. Emmett and Jasper were drunk. Alice and Rose were bordering tipsy when they really started knocking back the wine and Edward and I were completely sober, which made everything they said that much funnier. Emmett recounted tales of Christmas pasts from when he was a child. Stories of gag gifts, ruined dinners and trees on fire had us all cracking up. Alice suggested playing 'Never Have I Ever' with full glasses of Pinot Gris. That idea was welcomed until they realized there was only so much wine left. Emmett's boisterous voice loudly boomed over everyone as he declared we were to play Truth or Dare. I argued, profusely.

"Emmett that's the stupidest game ever, it's just so clichéd. We're not in high school. Why do we have to play a game anyway?"

"It's not stupid or clichéd and we're playing it. This isn't the usual Truth or Dare, it's Sex Truth or Dare." He retorted.

I groaned, this was not what I needed right now at all. Emmett slapped his hands together after depositing his beer on the coffee table and began the rules.

"Okay, so the rules are this: all truth questions must be about sex. All dares must pertain to sex. For example a truth question would be 'How many orgasms have you had in one round of sex and with whom.' And for a dare, 'I dare you to…take naked picture of yourself and show me'…but that one only pertains to the chicks in the room."

I rolled my eyes and felt a horrible feeling worming its way into the pit of my stomach. The game started out with Alice getting a truth, then went to Rose who asked Emmett a truth, who then turned on me. I sucked in a breath after laughing at the answer everyone gave and the gnawing in my stomach increased ten fold.

"Alright Bella…truth or dare?"

I was royally screwed either way so I went with what everyone does when they feel like they're taking the easy way out and picked truth. That's where I fucked up. The dare would have been the smart thing.

"Truth."

"Alright, lemme think of a good one, give me a second."

I smiled feebly at him and burrowed into Edward's side waiting for the inevitable.

"Okay, what was the most awkward sexual experience you have ever had?"

Reasonably, I thought about Mitch and how we had, very scientifically, decided to have sex and how mechanical and awkward it had been. We were flailing limbs and bumping head the whole way through. Subconsciously, images of Phil watching me in my bedroom flashed in my mind and the game was over for me. I held stock still and blinked at the glass of tea in my hand before I felt the bile rising in my throat and the tears stinging my eyes.

Run, go, before they see you, run, now.

I shot up off the love seat and tripped quickly into the bedroom, bee-lining for the bathroom. I made it in time to the toilet as my dinner made a second appearance. I was clammy and cold and shaking like I was going through withdrawal.

After a few preciously silent moments, I heard the bathroom door squeak open and felt Edward crouching down behind me. He touched my back and I jumped, not prepared for the contact. He rubbed soothing circles into my knotted muscles and pulled me back from the toilet, flushing it and propping me against the wall before settling down next to me.

"What happened, Bella?"

I shut my eyes against his probing gaze and sucked in a shaky breath before hanging my head. I felt him settle down onto the floor beside me. He was being so patient with me and I couldn't fucking hide this anymore. I didn't want to. I wanted to know now. I needed to know how he would take this. Would he still love me? Why hadn't I just told him before? Now it was going to make things so much worse. But he deserved to know. He needed to know what kind of fucked up person he loved. After all those words earlier about trust and a future, I couldn't lead him on with this any longer.

"Edward, I…I have to tell you something. It's…about my past, it's the reason why I'm in Chicago. I've wanted to tell you...for so long I've wanted to tell you. I don't know what will happen when I do tell you, but please just let me get this out before you say anything, okay?"

I chanced a look at his face and saw confusion and concern. He nodded, encouraging me to go on and I looked back down at my knees before gathering what little strength I had to tell him my defection.

AN:

first of all yeah it was a cliffie and yes i'll update ASAP just digest this one first and then breathe okay? but in my defense...i updated a day early. wills and living wills....poetic license was used. Generally ,the person being named as executor has to be there to sign stuff...we're gonna pretend in SB world u don't. scary huh?

So I'm super psyched! I'm being rec'd on The Perv Pack Smut Shack! Shadowboxer will be rec'd and reviewed tomorrow (Friday)! So go read it and comment and just fawn over the great perviness that is the Perv Pack!

wanna see the stones? check out my profile for a look at the necklace and the ring as well as Fightward's new Archangel Raphael pendant.

I'm on Twitter. Link on Profile.
I'm on Blogger. Link on Profile.
Link to the SB thread is also on the Profile page.

enjoi.

IMPORTANT (IF YOU CARE ABOUT FFn INTEGRITY PLEASE READ.)

the copy cat bullshit. the plagiarism...it has to fuckin stop ppl. If it wasn't your story, don't c/p shit. And if you are going to copy someone, give credit where credit is due. Don't act like it's yours.

There's an author out there copying fics. (Well, recently there have been several, I'm only talking about one in particular right now.) They're rearranging and rewriting to their tastes. They've been on FFn for a while. They have chosen to include some scenes that were present in SB (cough::pool scene::cough) They also enjoyed SB Bella and Fightward's inner monologue so much they decided to rip that off as well (and SB wasnt the only fic being "borrowed" from although I see the most semblance with the fighting theme, similar scenes and general over all mimicking). The similarities are too much for me to ignore from themes to styles this person has no originality. I won't say too much b/c it's not worth it. What I will say is this:

Enjoy the ride on my coat-tails, I have two other original fics coming out soon and I invite you to use those ideas as well. Cheers to your asshattery, douchbaggery, and over all fuckery.

Now, for those of you who want that update ASAP...

Leave Me Some Love...