CHAPTER – 17 EPOV I AM THE PRINCE AND THE PAUPER
Father & Son – Fiona Apple and Johnny Cash
Father
It's not time to make a change,
Just relax, take it easy.
You're still young, that's your fault,
There's so much you have to know.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.
I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy,
To be calm when you've found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything you've got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.
Son
How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.
It's always been the same, same old story.
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.
Father
It's not time to make a change,
Just sit down, take it slowly.
You're still young, that's your fault,
There's so much you have to go through.
Find a girl, settle down,
if you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.
Son
All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,
It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it.
If they were right, I'd agree, but it's them you know not me.
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.
EPOV
To say that Bella's past didn't shock me would be a lie. To say that I saw her no differently would definitely be a lie. The newly shared information didn't make her weak in my eyes. In fact, that she had dealt with the abuse for as long as she had and not lost her mind just proved to me how strong and devoted to her mother she was. I looked at the whole thing as objectively as possible, as objectively as I could while simultaneously on the verge of losing my cool. The only thing I could come up with was a handful of hard facts.
One, Phil was a depraved sexual predator. Whether he was a pedophile or just enjoyed terrorizing women, I don't know but he had a strange fixation with Bella that needed to be rectified.
Two, Renee was the shittiest mother I had ever heard of. That she would live in a house with this man and her daughter and never see a sign of anything wrong was beyond me. If she did know something was going on, that made her even worse in my eyes as she did nothing about it.
Three, Bella did blame herself for what happened with her step father and she was holding onto that guilt. This needed to be addressed before anything else. I had no chance of helping her find closure where Phil was concerned if she was busy beating herself up over his actions.
And lastly, I had a way to give her the peace she needed in order to move on with her life, with our life. There was no way she would completely relax without the knowledge of what happened to her mother and Phil.
I swallowed the last of my coffee and left a twenty on the bar before heading out. Bella would no doubt still be asleep and I was glad this meeting had only taken an hour. Any longer and I risked her waking up without me there. Note or no note, she would get the wrong idea. I slid into the Volvo and sped home, well as much as I could through the traffic.
As detached as I was trying to be while putting my plan together, I couldn't avoid the implications it would have on our relationship. This was clearly an issue that we would need to address. I could easily go back in time, in my memories and understand her strange behaviors. The nervous way she would watch over her shoulder when we went out, the way she never fully relaxed at The Ring when working. I had attributed it to her shyness but now it took on a different light. My mind took me back the encounter we had with Jacob Black and our romp in the prep room. I cringed as I pulled into a vacant spot in front of the apartment building. I was too fucking rough with her.
She seemed to be okay though. In fact, she seemed to be okay every time we had sex. I wasn't going to pretend to be a psychologist and try to analyze every touch and kiss, but it did worry me that maybe she tried to just soldier on through it for my benefit.
I blew out a breath and exited the Volvo, making my way out of the windy cold and into the chilly building. I took the stairs quickly and quietly let myself into the apartment. Everything looked the same in the living room and hallway - partly straightened destruction. I made a mental note to call Alice and tell her I would be paying for the damages myself this time and have her look for a new table and lamp; she would enjoy that.
Snorting, I kicked off my shoes and removed my jacket. On the way down the hall I sucked in a huge breath and peered into the bedroom. The clock read just a little past five. She hadn't moved and the note still lay on the bedside table. I crumpled it up and threw it away before stripping down and getting into bed.
What she doesn't know won't hurt her.
I was still chilled and waited for my body to warm up before pulling her into me. She stiffened slightly and I winced at my tactlessness. Of course, I had never warned her before and I had to tread carefully with my actions now.
If I went out of my way for her, she would know and feel guilty. If I ignored it and continued on like I normally would, I risked coming off like an asshole. Clenching my eyes closed, I tried to sort all the thoughts in my head into categories. Filing them away into separate sections so that I could sort through them easier later.
My actions this morning would be hard to explain. I knew I couldn't mention it to her right now; it would only cause her undue stress. I would take a big hit from her on this, I knew that. But I had to do something. I made my bed the minute I made that phone call and I knew it had to be done. Bella would never find the strength to do this. She would reason her way out of it at any chance. She wouldn't risk hurting her mother but I on the other hand, had no qualms over who got hurt, as long as Bella was justified and got her due. She deserved retribution and she would have it.
My fingers wandered to her arms and I stroked a soft pattern onto her skin. The warmth from her body paired with the softness of the bed and the fatigue from staying awake so long had me asleep in minutes.
When I woke up, I felt Bella's absence. I was alone in bed and it was near ten o' clock. I was still tired but I pushed myself to get up and find her. Stretching, I pulled on my jeans and a sweatshirt before wandering out into the living room where Bella had made a vast improvement at cleaning the place than I had.
"Emmett came and got the tree and took it down to the dumpster. Jasper had this tub of…stuff for the walls."
I looked over and saw her by the TV stand glopping white, pasty shit into one of the holes I had made. I didn't want to tell her we would need to get a wall patch and that what she was doing was essentially going to crack later when it dried, so I didn't. I just grinned at her, grabbed a putty knife and followed her lead. Soon enough we had the holes filled up and I prayed they wouldn't crack, or that I would be able to fix them without her knowing. Something told me her attempt at fixing the walls was more for my benefit than Alice's.
"Alice…invited me over, she wants to talk and I figure it might be good, you know? So I told her we would do something tomorrow…I hope you don't mind."
She looked down at her feet and I pulled her into my arms before she started to full out pout.
"I think that's a great idea. Just...if you get uncomfortable, I'll be here okay?"
She nodded into my chest and I sighed heavily. Ideally, I didn't want to leave her alone at all. I felt as if I should hole us up in this apartment, say fuck the fight, and just nest here until she forgot what happened to her. But realistically, I knew that would never happen…without a lot of fighting on her end at least.
I released her and watched with worried eyes as she padded down the hallway and into the bedroom. A few minutes later I heard the shower turn on. I made myself some coffee, retreated into my office and booted up my laptop. I hadn't used the damn thing in weeks and it hummed quietly as the log-in window popped up. In no time I was online and logging into my email.
The arrow hung indecisively over the last email in my inbox. The sender was a law office here in Chicago. My breath caught and the pit in my stomach sank a little lower. It had been sent two days ago so it couldn't have anything to do with my meeting this morning. I clicked on it and scanned the message quickly. And then read it again.
It was the day after Christmas and I doubted the office would be open, but I wanted to hear their voicemail message and at least see if they were legit. The phone rang five times before a man picked up.
"Steve Benton."
"Um, yes, I received an email from Benton and Thompson Law Offices…I actually didn't expect anyone to answer…"
"Mr. Cullen?"
"No, I still go by Masen."
"Ah, alright well Mr. Masen, we've been trying to locate you for some time, five years to be exact. Your grandfather's will needs to be disbursed and you are the only recipient left who hasn't claimed their share."
My breathing grew short and I gripped the edge of the desk.
My grandfather…Grandfather Masen. My father's father. My real father's father.
"Mr. Masen? Are you there?"
"Yes, I'm still here. I wasn't aware…well, I was aware there was a will, I just...I had assumed…my mother, she was…"
"Yes, your mother was edited from the will however you were not. There is quite an inheritance waiting for you Mr. Masen."
"I can only imagine."
"How's this, the offices don't open back up for these sort of things until January 4th…"
"No! I mean, I…I won't be in town…I'm going out of the country the…twenty-eighth and I would like to have it done as soon as possible. I wont be back for quite some time…I hate to be an inconvenience."
"Of course, I understand and it's no inconvenience. If you wouldn't mind, perhaps tomorrow morning we could meet at my office at nine and sign the paperwork accordingly. It won't take but an hour to go over everything and to answer any of your questions. Just bring your driver's license and social security card. Your grandfather was an amazing client and I don't mind at all."
"Thank you, I'll be there."
"Have a good day, Mr. Masen, and Happy Holidays."
"You too."
I set the phone down and leaned back in my chair. Thank God he bought that story and agreed to meet tomorrow. Who knew what kind of condition I would be in after New Year's.
My mind quickly went back to Grandpa Masen's house on Lake Bluff. It was enormous and I could recall all the old furniture and paintings adorning the walls. As a child, I loved the dark colors and old feel of the house. It felt like a mystery house, as if it were haunted. Later on in life I realized it might have been. When Grandmother Masen died, Grandpa had shut the house up with thick curtains and became a recluse.
I loved my grandfather and he was the only person along with my mother that I had missed when I left. I knew whatever he left me was going to be valuable. Masen was an old name in Chicago. Grandpa had been born in the early 1900's and he was born into wealth. He grew up in that house, married in that house, lost a wife in that house and then died in it. As far as I knew, it had gone to some relative. I had plenty of aunts and uncles, along with their children who could have gained the famous Masen Mansion. My knuckles rubbed into my eyes and I heard Bella moving around in the next room.
She was going to Alice's in the morning and I would need to tell Jasper that I had an important meeting to go to. He would understand.
Bella popped her head in the office.
"Hey, are you okay?"
"What? Yeah, just checking my email. Come here."
I pulled her into my lap and leaned us both back, rocking gently and holding her close. I threaded my fingers through her damp hair and rested my cheek on her shoulder.
"I love you. No matter what happened to you in the past, I love you."
"I love you, too. I'm so-"
"No. You're not sorry. I mean, you shouldn't be sorry; don't be sorry. Nothing was your fault, Bella. I was thinking that maybe if you wanted to talk to someone, we could find a person…for you to talk to."
"I… I'll think about it, okay? I just want us to get through this first. The fight… James… it's only a few days away so, lets just take this one step at a time."
I kissed her neck and sighed. She was right and I hated that this fight was putting so must stress on everyone. I actually started to think my reasons for wanting to do this were a little stupid now. It was too late though and I wanted - no, I needed to win this. This wasn't just a fight, this was everything in my life that I had been going against. Not fighting James was giving up and I hadn't done that yet. Not through the drugs or the alcohol or the poverty that I had put myself through. I'd made it this far and I wasn't going to quit. Something also told me that James wasn't going to let this go either way; he would come after us outside of the ring.
Bella sighed into my neck and I squeezed her to me tighter.
I was never going to quit.
**
The minute Bella was out of the apartment, I dialed Jasper. He was against letting me out of training for the day considering I was up against James in a matter of days, but he relented to a few hours of absence. I threw on a few layers of clothes and was out the door. I'd made it to the law office in just under an hour and had a few minutes to spare.
I glanced at the time on my phone and bounced on my feet, nervously blowing my breath out into my hands. Tugging at the beanie on my head, I adjusted the short bill and pulled the edges over my ears securely in a vain attempt to ward off the wind. I could feel the hairs of my sideburns tickling my ears and thought randomly about a hair cut. Would Bella like it better cut shorter? She liked yanking on it a lot - shit I liked her yanking on it a lot. When was the last time I'd actually had a haircut? When did I ever think about getting my hair cut this much?
Since you became a woman. Since you lost your manhood to a 5'2" brunette. Check her purse for your balls. I bet that's where she keeps them.
The steam from my breath blew around my face and I missed the days when I used to smoke cigarettes. I could use one right about now. Squinting into the early morning light, I heard the clap of dress shoes on pavement and turned my attention to a man wearing a large wool coat over what appeared to be a three piece suit. I quirked an eyebrow at him but he either missed it or chose not to acknowledge it. He had to be freezing.
Lawyers are cold blooded, remember?
I pushed down the snort that was building in my throat and followed him into the building. It was just as cold in there as it was outside, minus the wind factor. I flexed my fingers again, trying not to fidget. He led me to an office in the back of the building and I looked around as he opened his brief case and began unloading thick files. I studied him while he was distracted and noted his youth. He wasn't much older than me, but still, much too young to be a lawyer at a firm this established. He looked familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
"Well Mr. Masen, let's get started shall we?"
I nodded and plopped down into an overstuffed leather chair in front of his desk. My feet reclined out in front of me I looked the picture of indifference; though inside, I was gnawing away my stomach lining. Lawyers always made me nervous.
"Well, your grandfather left you the largest portion of his fortune. As you know, the will was served eight years ago when he died. However, your portion of the will was set to be disbursed on your twenty-first birthday. We were unsuccessful in locating you until recently-"
"How did you, by the way? Locate me, I mean."
"You were recently admitted into Lincoln Park Hospital…"
He trailed off and I had a feeling that was the only explanation that I was going to get. I had to wonder who dropped the ball on that one. Most likely they had a private investigator looking for me. I nodded absently and tried not to squirm under his heavy glare.
"As I was saying, we were unable to locate you until recently so the funds have been frozen. Monetarily you have been bequeathed eleven point eight million dollars. The exact number is here." He pushed a crisp paper across his large desk to rest in front of me. All I had to do was lean forward and look at it.
"Also, he left to you family property in Ireland, as well as the estate on Highland Park-"
"Wait, that house…that was my father's house…how could Grandpa Masen…"
"The estate on Highland Park was a family estate. When your father died it was put back into your grandfather's hands. I am not privy to any of the other matters pertaining to that property."
'…any of the other matters pertaining to that property.'
The pieces were falling into a disorganized puzzle. Grandpa Masen made mother leave when she remarried. He made her leave…and along with her, me. I wanted to feel betrayed and cheated of my childhood home, but I could understand where he was coming from. She had betrayed my father…or at least that's how Grandpa Masen saw it.
And that's how I saw it.
"In addition to the property on Highland Park, you were also left the family estate on Lake Bluff. In summary, the money and the properties combined bring the net worth of this bequeathal to roughly twenty-three million. This is the key to a safety deposit box; the instructions and so forth are in this folder. If you want you can review this disbursement contract. Here is the check and documents that will allow your bank to process the liquid funds, and this folder contains the deeds and paperwork for the properties I have listed. If you wish, and this is completely up to you, I can continue holding these documents. I have worked your grandfather's cases for many years, and before that my father did. We have been with the Masen family for a long time. Feel free however, to do as you wish."
I leaned forward and peered at the check on the table as if it were a viper snake. It was larger than a normal check - faded green and gold, the neat, bold letters glared at me in the natural light emitting from the windows. I sucked in a deep breath.
"You can't be serious?"
He looked at me blankly and sighed.
"I am nothing if not serious. Don't worry, this is a common reaction. I assure you, you have nothing to lose by cashing that check. I'll hold onto these documents until you come to claim them, if that would make you feel better."
I shook my head and bit my lip, a habit I was getting from Bella.
"No, I'll…I'll take it. I'm going to think about your offer to continue on with these accounts and I'll get back to you. I just need some time to sort through all this."
He nodded and gestured toward the release of disbursement.
"Also, if you wouldn't mind, I need to make a copy of your driver's license and social."
I dumbly pulled my wallet out and handed him the necessary cards before picking up his expensive pen and signing my name.
When he returned, he placed the copies into a separate folder and filed them away. He collected all the papers on the desk and bundled them into a small accordion folder and handed it to me.
"Thank you."
"You have my number in case you have any questions. Please, do not hesitate to call and ask."
"I will. Thanks again."
"Um…"
I stopped at the door and turned to see him awkwardly rubbing his neck.
"What?"
"I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry about what happened to your father. You don't remember me, but we used to play together at the barbeques your family had. Your father and my father…you were younger than the rest of us, so it makes sense you don't remember. For what it's worth, he loved you a lot."
I sucked in a deep breath and gave a curt nod.
"Thank you."
And I was gone. Out the door and down the street, gripping that folder tightly and practically speed walking back to the apartment. I flew into my office and deposited the whole thing into the portable fire safe in the closet. I turned the key and stepped back to watched it, like it was going to burst into flames. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out noticing Bella's face on the screen. I closed my eyes for a moment and cleared my throat before answering.
"Hey."
"Hey, I'm at The Ring, where are you? Jasper said you had an errand to run."
"Yeah, I uh, I'll tell you about it later okay? I'll be up there in a few minutes."
"Is everything alright? You sound kinda weird."
"No, I'm fine. Just tired and kinda dreading the workout today after all that food you twisted my arm to eat."
"What? Oh, I see how it is. That's cool, next Christmas and Thanksgiving you're getting tofu."
"Now, now, Bella. You know much I love you and how much it hurts me when you say things like that. Let's not act rashly. You know I like it when you strong arm me."
I heard her snort and I smiled. The nerves in my stomach were calming and settling down, and the knot in my head was dissipating.
"I love you, too. You need to get here soon, Jasper's about to have a coronary and Emmett is making it worse."
I laughed.
"Alright, I'll see you when I get there, bye."
"Byyyyye."
I shook my head and ended the call. She was going to be my demise with these fucking squishy feelings she caused. My chest tightened when I realized I didn't even ask if she was alright after talking to Alice.
Fuck.
Rushing again, I changed and grabbed my gym bag, hauling ass and making it to The Ring just before ten-thirty.
"Where the fuck have you been? Do you realize how much later we are going to have to stay now? I was going to take Alice out tonight you douche bag!"
"Well, its karma. You made me come in early and stay late before Christmas and you did that shit on purpose, don't act like you didn't. We're even. Besides, I had to do it for a month and you only get to miss out on a day."
He grimaced and nodded at me as we walked back to the locker rooms. I sighed heavily before starting in on what would surely be considered hell on earth.
**
I limped into the elevator and hit the up button. Fuck those stairs.
My back was aching and my legs burned. Jasper might have felt sorry about all those times he made me stay late, but it seemed his vindictive nature won out. I really shouldn't have made those faces at him during Christmas dinner when I shoveled that pie in my mouth. The moaning noises were probably what sent him over the edge though. I grunted as I shifted the bag on my shoulder and took a deep breath when the elevator doors opened.
I finally managed to hobble my way into the apartment and stopped short in the entryway to listen. It was completely dark and dead silent. Bella should have been home hours ago. I dropped my bag and strained my ears to hear.
"Bella?"
I pulled out my cell phone and dialed her number. I heard the ringer go off and my eyes snapped to her phone lighting up on the coffee table. From the glow of her phone I saw her face. She was asleep on the couch and I blew out a breath, shaking off the paranoia I felt.
I shut off her phone and squatted down next to her. A candle was burned out on the coffee table and one of the leather bound journals I had gotten her for Christmas laid opened with one of those cheap Bic pens. I closed it without looking and picked her up. She struggled a little at first and I hushed her. Sinking back down into my arms, I carried her into the bedroom slowly. No need to run us both into a corner or a wall.
She sighed as her body touched the mattress and I carefully pulled off her clothes until she was in her panties and tucked her under the covers.
"T-shirt"
I turned and smirked at her sleepy demand. Stripping off my jacket and sweatshirt, I tossed the shirt I was wearing to her. She sleepily and greedily, yanked it over her head and hummed.
"You are so weird."
But she was already asleep again and I snorted, shaking my head, before kicking off my shoes and pants. It was cold in the room and my hair was still damp from the shower I'd taken at the gym. The sheets were cool and I shivered, cuddling up to her. Despite how tired I was and the fact that I would need to be up early, I couldn't get to sleep. Bella curled into my side and I played with the ends of her hair that tickled my chest.
"I went to a lawyer's office today." I spoke almost inaudibly.
"He was disbursing my grandfather's will. I should have gotten it years ago…but they couldn't find me."
She snored softly and I grinned.
"He left me like, millions of dollars and property. I don't know what to do with it. I don't even really think it's real. What do you do when that kind of thing happens to you?"
I didn't expect an answer or maybe I did, so I stopped as if to give her time to respond.
"Somehow I know what you would say. You would tell me that I deserve this, that I should take this and just be happy. But who the fuck…I mean, I can't wrap my head around it, Bella. I can't fathom that much money. I grew up not really knowing anything other than I was better off than most. I was never concerned with the money."
I paused not knowing what else to say but as I was about to resolve myself to sleep, the words bubbled up.
"He left me the house on Highland Park. I grew up in that house. I loved that house. The house my father and I lived in. The backyard he taught me sports in. That house…it just seems like such a gyp you know? I don't want the money, I don't want the house or the land, or any of that shit. I want my dad back. But he's never coming back and today I realized that I wasn't the only one who felt the impact of his death. My grandfather felt it, he lost a child just as I lost a father. He felt just as betrayed as I did when she remarried. He felt just as angry as I did. He knew…he knew that I would want to get away from it. That's why he left me all that money and property. A place to go and money to get there."
The tears fell down my face bitterly.
"But now that I have the money and the houses, I don't ever want to see them again. I don't ever want to go back there. He's not there. He's gone. And nothing is ever going to bring him back. So, I'm going to do what I think is right, baby. I'm going to take care of you and I'm never going to leave you, not ever. I'm never going to leave you. I'm never going to do that to you."
Now I had a choice to make. I had the money, I had the financial security. I didn't have to fight ever again. I could avoid the pain and the agony and back out now. I could take Bella away to some far off island in the middle of the ocean and we could live there alone and make love on the beach while she wore nothing but my ring on her finger.
I could, but I wouldn't. I couldn't let the little shit win. I couldn't let people like James and King get away with manipulating and rigging the world to their tastes. I would stand up to them, like my father had. I would not cower away from this. I had to do this. I had to fight. I had dreams and aspirations once upon a time and Bella gave that back to me, but nothing like it was before. This would have to do. I would make up for all the dreams and all the plans my father had for me by fighting. I would fight and I would win. I would be the man that Bella could be proud of, that my father would be proud of.
**
Sunday came much too soon. I woke up before Bella and decided to let her sleep in. She was sleeping through the night now but she still hadn't gotten much rest in the past few days. I threw on some sweats and a t-shirt before padding into the kitchen. I put on a pot of coffee and wandered into my office. It was still dark out and the curtains were drawn so I clicked on the desk lamp and watched as the yellow light barely lit the room past the desktop. Leaning against the desk, I looked into the shadowed closet and stared at the safe on the floor. Contemplating things, my curiosity got the better of me. I opened it and pulled out the thick accordion folder. I set it gingerly on my desk and popped the latch on it.
It's not a bomb. The boogy man isn't going to pop out of it. Open the fucking thing and look at it.
My fingers brushed over the unlabeled tabs and settled at the very first pocket. I pulled out the heavy yellow envelope and flipped the seal open. A key slid out and I palmed it. It was brass and long, the teeth scraped sharply on my skin. It felt almost new, if not for the tarnish, I would think it was.
Next was a yellowed envelope. I saw the Masen family crest printed on the flap, my name was written in a sinewy scrawl that I knew was my grandfathers. Taking a deep breath I tore it open and pulled out the paper. It was thin and stiff, fine quality - like everything he'd owned. Flipping it open, I read the last words I would ever have from him.
Edward,
If you are reading this, then I have gone to join your grandmother, my dear Lizzy. I know that you are unaware of your standing in my will however by now, you should know everything. I have left to you what is rightfully yours. Despite your mother's actions, you are still my grandson and your father's son. What you do with my estates is your business now. However, I do want you to know that I would like for it to stay in Masen hands. We Masen's have a long history in Chicago and whether you like it or not, you carry our Legacy.
It was my hope that you should follow in your father's footsteps but I will not be so judgmental and say that I would be disappointed if you did not. I am proud of you, not matter what you choose to do with your life.
I discussed at length the terms of my will with your father. He believed that even at the age of twenty-one, you would still not have a good grasp of being conservative; I argued that you were not one to spend money frivolously. I am entrusting the Masen name to you, my child. I am entrusting to you the Masen legacy. Keep it well. Be sure to guard our family name. I regret that I should not have had the chance to see my great- grandchildren enter this world though your birth was enough to satisfy me for lifetimes.
Never doubt the love your father and I have for you. You were always a bright boy, Edward. I have faith that you will make the right decisions and make us proud.
With Love,
Theodore Masen
Dictated to and written by
Alicia Timbers
I folded the letter over and placed it back into the envelope. He was always so goddamn all-knowing of things. Instead of thinking about what my grandfather had written me, I put the letter away in my desk drawer and quickly went through the rest of the folder. There were parcel maps of all the properties that I now owned. Separate files thickly filled with lists that itemized all the things in said properties. Furniture, art, jewelry, clothes, cars, and anything else you can think of that went along with someone's life.
The Masen name. The Masen legacy…I am entrusting you…
Sighing heavily, I pulled out a blue embossed folder and began flipping through it. The property in Ireland. Half the words seemed to be written in Gaelic gibberish but from what I could gather it seemed to be a few hundred acres. Or maybe that was just how many years we had owned the property or how many potatoes it grew back in the day. Shit if I knew. When my eyes started to cross over the tiny black print I put it down and fell back into my chair. I was responsible for all of this now. How the fuck did this happen? When the fuck was I ever responsible for more than my car payment and rent? When was my life any more than training and fighting?
Before he died.
My life was turning, warping into this new thing. I was taking on responsibilities left and right. While Bella loathed to be considered a responsibility, I couldn't help the part of me that considered her just that. Never an obligation but more just something precious that needed to be protected and guarded.
Look at you all scaly, breathing fire and hoarding your treasure.
I could be the dragon and the prince at the same time. I could do that for her and I would. But this…this will, these properties, all the money...I was doubting my plate and the size of my eyes. If I was completely honest with myself, it wasn't the land or the wealth - it was the weight of the name. The Masen name, that while I was stubborn enough to continue carrying on as a headstrong child, I was not ready to defend it to the masses. By claiming these things my grandfather left me, I was taking on a kingship of sorts that I had no idea how to govern. What do people with this kind of money do? Vacation in Europe? Squander money on antiques and nice cars? Send their children to boarding schools? Form addictions to alcohol and prescription medication by the time they're forty?
That was not at all the way I was raised but it seemed the stereotypical approach. I saw King and his use of money as water. He might as well stick a million dollars in a blender and drink it. He sure as shit was pissing away that much on James and his new foray into the world of underground fighting.
"What is all that?"
I jumped and squeaked like a little bitch when Bella materialized before me.
"Shit! Don't scare me like that!"
My eyes adjusted over the brightness on my desk and I squinted at her as she stood in the shadows of the room. Her face was thrown in a grayish yellow light and I noticed that she looked a little thinner. I hadn't noticed that earlier at the gym, maybe it was just the lighting. Her hair was draped around her shoulders instead of the messy knot it was usually in, and my shirt hung off her shoulders, past her elbows. I saw the length of her creamy legs falling out beneath my dark gray thermal socks that she had pulled up to her knees; the material of the heels poked out around her ankles due to her tiny feet in my big ass socks. She looked like she was wearing a baggy dress with a breast pocket.
She laughed and shook her head still staring at the folders scattered over my desk. I snapped out of my perusal of her attire and noticed what a mess I had made of all the documents. I cursed under my breath at how hard it was going to be getting it all back into order again.
"Um, well, I got an email…you know what, never mind that. This," I said, sweeping my hand over the pile of papers and manila folders. "is what my grandfather left me in his will. I went to see a lawyer about it earlier today. I didn't know what it was all about until I went and saw him and…shit I don't know… I don't know what to do with it all."
She scrunched up her face and walked around the desk to stand next to me.
"I honestly don't know what half this shit means. He said my grandfather left me his house and my father's house. That and an ungodly amount of money. I haven't cashed the check yet…I don't know if I will."
"If you don't cash it what happens to the money?"
My eyebrows shot up and I shook my head, frowning.
"I have no idea."
"Why didn't you tell me you had to go see a lawyer?"
"Technically, I told you last night."
She arched a brow at me and I rolled my eyes.
"Alright so you were sleeping, but that doesn't negate the fact that I did tell you, out loud."
She chuckled silently and I knew I was forgiven so I continued on.
"I knew it was about the will. I didn't know how things would turn out and…I don't know really. There just didn't seem to be a way to bring it up and it happened kinda fast. I didn't think I would be left anything to be honest. My mother was cut out of the will so I just assumed…"
"Why was she cut out of the will?"
I looked over at her quizzical gaze and sighed. While the story I had to tell about my parents was nothing like the story that she harbored, it was still dark and a little depressing.
"Because she remarried."
"So, she remarried and your grandfather…wait, your father's father?"
"Yeah, not my mother's father. My real father's father. That's a mouthful."
I smiled a little and sat back in the chair again, pulling her down to settle into my lap and slid my arm up behind her to palm the back of her neck and massage the muscles there. She instantly went limp in my embrace and I smirked.
"You told me about you and so now I'm going to tell you about me."
She hummed and fingered the collar of my t-shirt idly. I took a few fortifying breaths and thoughts about where I should start. I didn't know if this would make her feel as if I was mocking her experiences or childhood.
"My mother and father were wealthy. Well, my father was wealthy and my mother, Esme, she wasn't bad off either. My father was a lawyer. He was a good lawyer at that. He started off with my grandfather's firm and then struck out on his own for a while before he went to work for the District Attorney's office. I was two when he became the Assistant DA. He loved his job but he loved his family more. No matter what was going on, he came home at six every night, even if he could only stay an hour, he came home and played with me. He bought me a piano when I was seven. I wasn't really interested in playing it but he was so excited and I wanted to make him proud so I took lessons.
"I got pretty good and the older I got, the better I played. He was around for my recitals and concerts. That was our thing, the piano… and my karate lessons.
"When I was ten, I got into fights at school a lot. I know what you're thinking, that I was some kind of bully, but it was the other way around. I was a scrawny kid and I got picked on a lot for playing an instrument and it didn't help that I was only one of three boys who were in the band. The other two played the drums. They called me a 'sissy boy' and shit…they beat up on me. My father went to the school and talked to the administration and got them to look out for me. Eventually it stopped but he signed me up for karate lessons, wanting me to be able to defend myself or maybe just feel confident that I could take care of myself if I needed to.
"He came to every practice. Twice a week at four he came. My mother was always there, clutching his arms and watching like she was going to faint…"
I chuckled and lost myself in the memory of Esme standing there in her orange dress, holding onto my father's suit jacket as he cheered me on from the bleachers. I would make a kick or a punch and then turn to look at him, to make sure he saw and he was proud of me.
"Esme wasn't much of a stay-at-home mother. When I was at home she was but otherwise, she held a job at a decorative firm downtown. She was only a secretary but I knew she dreamed of helping to decorate the houses and shit along with all the other old windbags I had met. She was a good mother when I was growing up.
"I was eleven and I had just gotten my brown belt. My father was working a case, I remember bits and pieces of it. He was tired a lot and he would sometimes miss the first half of my practices, but he was always there when I was done to drive me home. The day it happened,"
My voice cracked and I cleared my throat roughly, trying to shake off the feelings of a helpless eleven year old boy. He was gone. I was strong now, I could do this. I could talk about it.
Bella's head shifted and she peered up at me from beneath her lashes and I saw the dark circles under her eyes. My fingers numbly traced them and slipped down her cheek to her neck. I kissed her forehead and turned my head to lean it back against the head rest and focus on the swirled patters printed in the ceiling.
"I got out late. We had an award ceremony and everyone was running around taking pictures and congratulating each other. My father often talked to other parents when he was there. They were all talking when I brought him my trophy. I wanted to show him the new belt I got. I couldn't think of anything else but how happy he would be, how proud of me he would be that I got it.
"He was standing at the edge of the bleachers, a few of the other fathers standing with him, they all looked upset and angry. My father's serious expression was what caused the smile to fall off my face. He looked past them, at what I'm not sure, he was staring at nothing I guess but he looked so angry. I remember thinking maybe I hadn't done as well as I thought and he was upset with me. When I got closer…I heard them dropping names and cursing. Marlow, Haughton, Parrington…all names that I had no clue about.
"When he saw me he smiled, but it wasn't a real smile and I felt so bad. I knew I was in trouble for something. It's sad to say it now but I honestly think I was trying not to cry. He hugged me and told me he was proud of me and that I did so well. I felt a little better but he was quieter than he normally was.
"He rushed us out to the car without even saying goodbye to anyone. When we got into the car, he told me he loved me and that he wanted to me to know that he was proud of me. He was proud of everything I did and that he knew I would become a good man. He was scaring me and I just clutched onto that trophy and sat there nodding at him. I couldn't understand why he was telling me these things. Now, I know that he knew. He knew his life was in danger. He knew that people were trying to kill him. I told him I loved him too. That I always wanted him to be proud of me and that I was always going to try to be the man he wanted me to be. Shit, I was fucking eleven years old and concerned with my manhood and how proud my father was going to be of me. I was always hearing my father and my grandfather talking about my future; always planning for me, anticipating my success."
I paused for a moment, collecting my thoughts and trying to arrange my words before saying them. I hadn't talked about this to anyone except Esme and the police, and that was close to fifteen years ago. No, I hadn't said a fucking word about it all these years, not even to Jasper or Emmett.
"It was late…it was dark already. He stopped talking and I didn't know what to say, so I counted street lights. We made it fifteen blocks. Fifteen blocks exactly. The car stopped at a red light and my door swung open. I heard my father yell and someone clicked my seatbelt and pulled me out. Before I knew what was happening, we were pulled off to the side and into an alleyway. One man held onto me while two others pulled my dad behind a dumpster. The man holding me had my arms pulled behind me so tightly my shoulder sockets were hurting."
My fingers absently traveled from her neck into her hair and I rested my cheek on her head as the memories flooded my mind. A tear rolled down my face and when I didn't move to swipe it away, it fell into her hair. My throat tightened and I felt hoarse suddenly.
"He leaned us against the wall so that I could see everything. They hit him. They just, wailed on him. No knives, no bats, no brass knuckles, nothing like that. Just their hands, hitting him in the ribs and the stomach over and over again. My father…he never…he never made a sound. I did though. I tried to scream, but I was muffled. It didn't stop me from trying. I cried and kicked and struggled. Nothing. It did nothing. No one came, I didn't get free. I didn't help him."
Bella threaded her fingers through my other hand that rested on her lap and I felt so shitty for crying about this after all this time.
"It was supposed to be a warning. It was a warning and a demand. They said, 'Next time, we won't touch you but him,' The man pointed at me and laughed. Fucking, laughed and adjusted his hat. My father's face…I couldn't understand what was happening. They told him to mislead the case. They wanted a weak defense and a plush plea bargain. It was supposed to be a warning. But the big guy, he wanted to leave my dad with a parting shot. He punched him in the throat and dropped him. Then, I was let go and I was crying so hard I couldn't even see straight. They left and I tried to pick him up, but he was heavy and not moving and it made me cry harder and I didn't know what to do. I shouted for help and fifteen minutes later a cop car stopped to investigate why my dad's car was left running and parked at a light. He found us in the alley."
The freshness of that night washed over me and I took in a shaky breath.
"He died. He suffocated to death. His windpipe was crushed and he laid there, and just…died. I didn't do anything. I cried and yelled and did nothing to help him. I went to fucking karate lessons. I was taught maneuvers on how to get out of a situation like that, but when it mattered? I did nothing. I couldn't even think to do anything. I failed him in that respect."
Bella struggled to sit up straight and look at me but I wasn't ready for that yet, so I gently pulled her back against me and shook my head.
"I'm not done."
She went limp in my arms and again, I paused to consider my words before speaking.
"Esme was devastated. There was so much media from what happened that the case in question was fucked. Needless to say, the man on trial negotiated his way down to a year in prison and minimal community service.
"I changed after that night. I was never the same again. I stopped playing the piano. I went to my karate lessons, I went to any kind of defense class I could. I stopped hanging out with friends. I threw myself into school and my lessons. Esme…she discouraged it, but I think she let me continue on because of my father. She didn't want to take away the connection even though I was just fueling a fire. When I was sixteen, Esme met Carlisle. It was all my fault. I got kicked in the face at my Tae Kwon Do class so hard I was knocked out. When they took me to the hospital they called Esme to pick me up. She came blazing in there and I knew she was going to tell me I was done with the lessons so I was gearing up for a fight with her, but she walked in laughing and smiling at my doctor. At first, I was relieved. She was in a good mood. Then I was fucking angry. She had no right to laugh and fucking flirt with my doctor. My father was dead less than five years and she was flirting with a man.
"Everything went to hell after that. I graduated high school and Esme remarried. Carlisle was going to move into our house since Esme didn't want to part with 'my childhood home.' I was furious and so was my grandfather. Apparently when my father died, the property of the house went back to him. He basically kicked her ass out and along with her, me. They bought a house on Sheridan in Evanston. It was this modern monstrosity that had just been built and she filled it with crap that was nothing like the old house. Everything was modern and artsy and not…not warm and like home. It was like living in a hotel. My grandfather died when I was seventeen. He had a letter sent to my mother stating that she had been cut from his will. I had assumed that meant that I had as well.
"After we moved into the new house, I really started to lose it. I hung out with the wrong people. People I thought I could relate to. People who had access to drugs and alcohol and just, living a shitty life. Carlisle tried to be my friend and on occasion, when he lost his better judgment, he tried to act like my father. I was not amused. I hated him, I still kinda do. The real breaking point with me and him was when he offered to adopt me. Esme begged. She fucking begged me to take his last name. She wanted us to be a real family. She wanted us to be 'whole'. I wanted them both to die."
Irrational anger flooded me as I thought about that conversation and my eyes tightened as I glared at the ceiling, my head pressing back into the chair.
"I graduated at the top of my class. I strived for that excellence in school. I was going to be just like my dad. I was going to show those fuckers who killed him that they weren't going to win. Unfortunately, the best laid plans often go to shit despite how much you try to stick to them. I made it through a few semesters of college before my 'extra curricular activities' started to catch up to me. I was doing coke and drinking almost every night. Esme bailed me out of jail for a DUI and decided it was time for an intervention. She drove me back to Evanston and basically put me under house arrest. I guess I could have left whenever I wanted, but at the time, I was a stupid rich kid who didn't know my way around the world without my credit cards and my car. Without those cards and keys I felt trapped. I avoided Esme and Carlisle for about a week before they cornered me and demanded an explanation for what happened.
"Carlisle came right out and said he wanted to check me into rehab. I was angry, and the fact that I hadn't had a hit in a while didn't help. The week between arriving at the house and the moment they sat me down was hell. I was twitching like a fiend and just so goddamn angry about the whole thing. This man, who was acting like my father, who was making these ludicrous demands and threats. Who was basically replacing the one person I had always looked up to and strived to be like. He was a fraud.
"I snapped. I lost it. I sat there in the living room looking at those stupid blue walls and modern art crap all over the place and just freaked out. I destroyed anything I could get my hands on. The furniture, lamps, vases, pictures…anything. Esme…she just sat there and watched, crying and rocking. Carlisle called the police and I ran. I bolted out the door with nothing but my wallet and a jacket. I had my driver's license, my library card, my student ID, and fifty bucks in cash…that's it. Esme had pulled all my credit cards and my debit cards. I didn't know where the fuck my keys were and my car was still impounded. I had nothing really.
"You know the rest…Jasper found me and hooked me up with work and then finally the ring gigs. Now, after seven years, I get handed this shit. All this money, all this land, all this shit. It's all shit. It's fucking worthless. I would trade it all. Just to bring him back. All the fucking fighting, all the training, and I would trade it all to go back to that day and do it differently. Fight harder, kick harder, scream louder. Something!"
My frustration fizzled out and I huffed. That would never happen. As much as I would like to trade all this for a different path, I wouldn't have found Bella that way. I wouldn't be the person I am today. Despite the deviation from my father's anticipated plans for me, I was happy where I was now. If I couldn't bring myself to resent Bella's past enough to change it, so that she would possibly have never met me, how could I resent my own that led me here? I was happy with Bella and content with this life I had formed. I was okay with these responsibilities. Was I ready to be the owner of property in Ireland? Was I prepared to be a millionaire?
You can't balance your checkbook by yourself. I see utter fail on your horizon.
I felt Bella untangle her hand from mine and reach up to brush my cheek.
"I'm sorry…that you had to see that and go through that. I don't know what to say…but like you keep telling me…it wasn't your fault. You were eleven. Even if you had managed to get loose…what could you have done against all three of them? Your father would be proud of you. He would be so proud to know that you are alive and strong and despite what you think, you're a good person. You are a good man. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of who you are and how strong you are."
I squeezed her tightly because she knew exactly what to say and I wanted to believe her. I wanted to think he was proud of me. That he could see my reasoning for my actions and understand them. He would know that I was loyal to him and that I loved him over all else. That I never betrayed him like Esme did.
"I also think that…well, you aren't going to like hearing this, but I gotta say it. I think that your mom…I think it was probably just as hard on her, and I think that she remarried, not to spite you or your father's memory but because maybe…she was lonely and she needed someone to help her pick up the pieces."
I breathed out through my nose and tried to tamp down the flare of betrayal. Bella was not siding with Esme, she was being practical and looking at the situation as a third party. I understand that, and I know it's just her way, but I was not ready to analyze my mother's second marriage to Satan at the moment.
"I don't wanna think about it. I don't wanna go into it. I can't possibly begin to understand that shit and I don't really want to. I may not have been completely justified in my actions or my feelings towards the both of them but I can't find it in me to regret those feelings or those actions."
She nodded and I tipped my toes to rock us in the chair. The light was filtering in through the cracks of the curtains and it was getting lighter outside. We didn't speak again and eventually both of us got up to get ready for our day.
Before I made it to the gym, I took a detour to the bank and deposited the check.
Man up Masen, it's not about you anymore.
AN:
So, it's been fucktabulously long since I've posted. I ask for forgiveness. I had so much going on in RL. I was SUPPOSED to get married. But alas it has not happened. Then went to basic today. Sigh, depression my dear friend. Anyway, I'm moving and all that great stuff. But it's over and I"ll be back to posting on time. Sry for that.
Next post will be soon and keep a look out for a new story that I'll be posting in a few days.
SB was nominated for The Golden Chocolate Awards and the Razzle Dazzle Awards and...that's it I think...but there could be more. Go vote
Oh and The Bellies are up now so go look at those and vote! As well as the Indies!
Anyway, next chapter is the day before the fight. Oooooo.
Now
Leave Me Some Love...