Akio

As we tidied up our snacks, I looked around at the birds in the trees. It was hard to believe that we were sitting in a park in Towa City, rather than some zoo, or a jungle in some far-flung exotic country. But more than that, it was hard to believe that once upon a time, this place had been something completely different.

"I mean," I said to Akemi as I tried to verbalise this. "I did know that there used to be a school here, but I thought it was just some old place that closed down, because old schools do that sometimes, don't they?"

Akemi nodded thoughtfully.

"I knew about it, already, but not for a long time, to be fair." She looked up into the trees thoughtfully. "When I was little though…."

Akemi trailed off, her pretty eyes taking on a far-away look, and then she shook her head.

"No, it doesn't matter."

But the way she said that, so wistfully, sounded like it did.

I tried to say something, but before I could, Akemi turned to smile beatifically as she stood up, gathering the litter and swiftly running it over to put in a bin. Then, as she came back, and I stood up and put back on my school blazer and my school bag, she re-tied her long hair back into its recognisable ponytail, somehow managing to make it look as if she had combed it properly, rather than just haphazardly gathering it with her hands as she had done. As if she was putting a face on, to go back into the world. Or at least, that was how I saw it. I wondered if anyone else did.

"Are you ready, Arisato-kun?" she asked me.

"Yeah, yeah, let's go."

We left the park in silence, but it felt almost companionable. Not quite the full companionability of friendship, but getting there. Though, Akemi seemed a little tense, looking around her at the different people, particularly if they happened to glance our way. But nothing particularly happened. When we got to the gate, we stopped, and looked at each other.

"Well," I said, a little bashful. "I guess I will see you tomorrow?"

"Yes, yes. Are you still alright with meeting inside, rather than outside?" Akemi asked with a hint of apology.

"Sure, I told you, it isn't a problem! We're meeting everyone else inside anyway, right?"

"Yes, that's true. That will be exciting, won't it?"

"It will. Anyway, see ya!"

"Goodbye."

She gave a polite little wave and headed on her way, and for some reason, I watched a little more, before heading and turning home. Sachi would probably be home by now, and if Mum wasn't at home yet, I'd have to keep her occupied. Hopefully she wouldn't ask too many questions about where Mum was. Mostly because I wasn't entirely sure. All I really knew was that she'd taken some days off from the dance school so she could be involved with the investigation.

I hope Mum will be alright…I thought to myself as I continued my walk. And Dad, for that matter. I had wondered, for a moment, if Dad had known about Mum's past, but that was stupid thinking. Of course he had. I was the one who hadn't known. I probably never would have-

My phone rang in my pocket, interrupting my train of thought.

I quickly stepped into the doorway of a shop that was already closed, and fished my phone out of my bag. The screen flashed 'Dad', so I answered it.

"Dad."

"Akio, are you at home yet?"

"No, I was with a friend, I'm about to go home. Don't worry, Sachi won't be home alone for long."

"Ah, about that-"

Dad hesitated for a moment, and all of a sudden, worry bloomed in my chest.

"What is it, Dad?"

"Something has come up with the investigation, so we won't be home tonight. I'll explain it to you in person as soon as I can, but it involves hospital checks."

"Hospital-" Mum never really liked hospitals, I remembered. "So what's going to happen? What should I tell Sachi?"

"About that. I don't want you to have to bear the responsibility of looking after your little sister overnight, Akio, that's not your job. I've arranged for her to stay with Nobu-that's Detective Kurosawa's-wife and little girl, who'll be going to Sachi's school after the summer, as it happens. But anyway, all you need to do is explain that we're busy and can't come home, so she's going to stay with them for a little while."

"A little while? What about me?"

"Well, I'm not too sure how things are going to pan out, but you'll be fine in the house yourself, won't you, Akio?"

"I mean, yeah…." I said cautiously.

"If it turns out that we can't come home for longer, for whatever reason, then we can see about you also staying with the Kurosawas, or possibly with one of your school friends."

"I….but Mum's okay?" was all I could think to ask. "There's nothing…nothing bad has happened?"

"No, no. You don't worry, Akio, okay? Just get Sachi over there, and then you concentrate on yourself. Are you still doing the tour?"

"Yeah. Is that…is that okay though?"

I heard my dad let out a breath.

"Yes, it should be fine. Don't worry about things, Akio. Give me a text when Sachi is there and you're back home, alright. Do you know where Detective Kurosawa lives?"

"Yeah, I do. Don't worry, Dad, I'll take care of things."

"Alright then. Tell Sachi Mummy and Daddy are sending her big hugs and kisses, and take care."

"Same with you, Dad. Bye."

Dad hung up, and I stared at my phone for a long, long moment. Then, I put it back in my bag, and rushed the rest of the way home.

…

"Sachi?" I called as I opened the door. "I'm home!"

"NII-CHAN!"

I heard Sachi hurtle down the stairs as I locked the door and took off my shoes. She flung herself at me and clung. I noticed that her hair was a mess and she was holding onto a doll of some sort.

"Where's Mummy?" she asked.

"Mummy's busy, and so is Daddy." I said. Well, at least it's half-true. "But it's alright, because you're going to go on a little adventure."

"An adventure?!" Sachi squealed, letting go of me and revealing she had paint all over her.

"Yes, but first, you need to get yourself cleaned up! Adventurers can't be messy now, can they?"

"Yeah! But where are we going, Nii-chan?"

As I bundled Sachi upstairs, and got her to clean herself up while I packed a bag for her-a few days, since I wasn't sure how long Dad wanted her there for-I did my best to explain it to her, and make it sound as adventurous as possible. My efforts felt a bit flat to me, but Sachi seemed to buy into it readily enough. More than likely it was just the word 'adventure' and the prospect of meeting a new friend.

Once we were all ready-and we'd had no more than two cookies each (I managed that by telling her that there'd be more cookies there, though I wasn't sure if that was the case at all)-we set off.

"Nii-chan, you don't have a bag?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

I gave Sachi the biggest smile that I could muster.

"Why, I'm going on an adventure of my own."

…

I had lied slightly when I had told Dad I knew where the Kurosawa house was-I actually had to look it up on Maps. But eventually, I managed to find it, and I rang the bell, and stepped back to wait. A few moments later, the door opened and the woman I knew to be Kanon Kurosawa smiled out at us.

"Oh, Akio-kun, Sachi-chan, We've been expecting you! Haven't we, Naomi?"

At this, a small face framed by white curls appeared, and wide red eyes stared out at me and Sachi. Little hands clung to Kanon's jeans as she stared at us warily. I gave a smile that I hoped was reassuring. Sachi, however, beamed at the sight and bounded forward.

"Hi! Are you going to be my new friend?! I'm Sachi! What's your name?"

"Her name is Naomi, and she doesn't really talk." Kanon said. "But I am sure you will be amazing friends."

"You don't talk? Really?!" Sachi exclaimed.

Little Naomi blushed, and shrunk slightly further behind Kanon, who put a reassuring hand on her shoulder without looking.

"Yes, really. But Naomi has a notebook she uses, and she can write what she wants to say, isn't that right?" Kanon said cheerily.

Naomi nodded at that, and Sachi was wide-eyed for a moment before her expression changed to one that was clearly meant to indicate Deep Thinking. This lasted a few seconds, then she grinned.

"Well, it's okay if you don't talk, I talk loads, don't I, Nii-chan?"

"You're right." I said, trying and not quite succeeding in stifling a smile.

Meanwhile, Naomi had eased away from behind Kanon, and was writing in a small notebook. After a few moments, she held it out and stared. Sachi stared back.

"Look, Naomi-chan's written something for you." I said encouragingly.

"I'm not so good at reading though…." Sachi bit her lip worriedly. "But…I can try."

She took the notebook, and frowned at the small, extremely careful writing. I waited, ready to swoop in and read it for her, but gradually, she sounded it out.

"I….I li…like your….hai…hair….hairc…hairclips! Oh! I like your hairclips!"

Sachi beamed at this, completely forgetting her earlier worry and touching her hairclips-which today were little white rabbits holding carrots. Then, she pointed at Naomi's star hairclips.

"I like yours, too! I have more hairclips, if you want to see them!"

Naomi blushed a little, but nodded, and she beckoned Sachi, who eagerly followed, before turning back.

"Wait!"

She launched herself at me, and squeezed me in another extremely tight hug. I returned it, and then watched the two little girls disappear into the house. Kanon, too, watched them, her eyes looking somewhat misty as she did. Then, she looked back at me.

"That bodes well, doesn't it?"

"Mhm." I agreed.

"What's happening with you, Akio-kun? When Nobu called me, he didn't mention anything about you."

"For tonight, I'm home alone, but if anything else happens, I'll go to a school friend's." I said.

"Oh, are you sure you don't want to stay with us. Only thing is that Nobu would have to stay on the sofa, but I'm sure he won't mind."

"No, it's fine!" I said hurriedly. "Really, it's not a problem. I'll be fine. Just, with Sachi, you know-"

"Don't worry, I know already. And I've had kids like her in my classes before. Besides, she and Naomi are clearly going to be good friends, as you saw. It'll be fine."

I nodded.

"Well, um, I suppose I should go then. "

"If you're sure. But if you do need anything, call or ring, okay? Or just come straight around. I mean it, it's fine."

"I…thanks. Bye then, Kurosawa-san."

"Goodbye!"

The door closed, and I trudged my way home almost mechanically. I opened my door, stepped inside, locked it, took my shoes off.

"I'm home!" I called, once again.

Despite knowing the futility, I waited a beat, but there was no response. They really were away. Something bad really has happened, hasn't it? My legs felt wobbly, and all of a sudden, I sat-almost collapsing-right there, in the doorway next to the shoes. I had no idea what had happened, and I knew I wouldn't be able to ask Mum or Dad. And I was sure they would have told anyone else not to tell me, either. So even if I took Kanon Kurosawa up on her claim of if I needed anything, she wouldn't be able to follow up on it. But still, I wanted to talk about it, to someone. I needed to tell someone.

I pulled my phone out of my bag wearily, and went to my contacts. My fingers hovered over the group chat I had with my animation club, and then I hesitated, simply staring. Then, with a shaky breath, I changed my mind, and selected Akemi's name instead.

Can you talk now? I asked.

Seconds later, my phone rang.

"Is everything okay, Arisato-kun?" Akemi asked the moment I answered.

"No," I could finally say. "No, it isn't."

…

Akagi

I was listening to music when I could sense my uncle coming up the stairs.

"Pause music." I commanded my phone, before lifting my head up. Now I could hear that he was on the phone, and that for some reason, he had it on loudspeaker too. But as he got closer, I worked out who it was.

"Nee-san, come on, you need to at least tell Akagi what's happening, he has a right to know."

"That boy doesn't have the right to anything from me."

"You're his mother though, he'll worry about you."

"Has something happened to Mum?" I asked instantly.

"See?" My uncle said with an exasperated sigh. "Did you hear that?"

"Yes, well." My mother's voice cut through the air. "That type of worry is a bit late now, isn't it, Mistletoe?"

I shivered, glad that she was on the other end of a phone line, rather than here, in the room. Then, I felt guilty for feeling like that. Her reaction was not without cause.

"I just want you to be okay, Mum. I know…this is hard."

"Yes, well, it would have been easier, if Lucius was here. And we all know whose fault that was, don't we?"

"Nee-san, no! You don't mean that! How could have Aka-"Uncle Taiki intervened hurriedly.

"Oh, I do mean it. I mean it." My mother stated icily. "And that Mistletoe boy knows it, doesn't he?"

"Yes….but…"

But, it's okay. I'm going to help find out what happened to you, then you won't need to suffer so hard. And perhaps you will forgive me. But what if I didn't? Then I'd have committed an even worse crime, of giving her hope. So I shut my mouth, and didn't say all the things that I really, really yearned to say.

"Well, it is not as if it affects you, Mistletoe. Taiki is still putting up with you."

"Nee-san, please…."

I heard Uncle Taiki leave, and continue talking to Mum as he went back down the stairs. A few moments went by, and then I heard the footsteps come back up the stairs, and then there was a slight weight on the bed, indicating that he had come to sit down.

"What has happened?" I asked.

"I haven't got the full gist, as such," Uncle Taiki said with a sigh. "But apparently there's a possibility that your mother was being tracked-the kidnappers put trackers into her and her friends, and it was discovered through an exhumation, or something. I don't know how they'd manage to find that in ashes though, but there you go. So as well as being re-questioned, she has to be examined, to get it removed."

"Oh."

I was not so sure what to say to that. I knew it was a clue, and a big one at that, but that was something else that I could not say. At least, not here. There was a moment of silence, then Uncle Taiki sighed.

"Your dad wanted to go with her, but she's not letting him. So perhaps he might visit you, but we will see."

"I'm going on the tour tomorrow."

"Well now, I didn't necessarily mean tomorrow."

"I know. But it's okay. Mum will need him sooner or later. And she should have someone, if she can't have me."

Uncle Taiki sighed again, and then patted my knee.

"You're such a good boy, Akagi."

"No," I shook my head firmly at that. "Lucius was."

To that, Taiki said nothing. Instead, there was yet another sigh, before he got up.

"Don't stay up too late now." I heard him say as he left once again.

I didn't respond, and instead picked my phone up again. But instead of asking it to play my music again, instead, I gave it a different command.

"Open text messages."

…

Azami

Five

Seeing: What looked like a generic stock photograph of a meadow in a frame on the wall (but which may have been one of my photographs from a long time ago);a small television screen embedded into the wall, operated by a tablet remote, both turned off; Faintly flickering light mixtures; a stack of magazines that held no interest; my sensible shoes.

Four

Hearing:The ticking of the old-fashioned wall-clock; my breathing; footsteps in the distance; chatter.

Three

Feeling: The tight stickiness of the bandage on my ear; the smoothness of the wooden arm-rests; a faint hunger in my belly.

Two

Smelling: antiseptic; faint cigarette smoke my clothes must have picked up from a passer-by.

One

Tasting: Just my own saliva.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

And now, calm had returned. If only for a little while. I looked around me at the empty waiting room area, one we had apparently been in before, though I did not recognise it. I was alone, and I wasn't sure what to do. I would have expected that somebody would stay with me-one of the detectives, or a uniform perhaps. But I supposed that for whatever reason, they wanted to stay with the ones being operated on. Mai still hadn't come back even though she had gone before me, Ayuna and Eizo had been gone for a while, and Eikichi had just been taken. And of course, Friede and Takaaki had not yet arrived. I wondered, would I see them today? What would they look like? I could, of course, look it up (there weren't any restrictions on phone usage in this hospital, but then there weren't most of the time these days anyway), but that wasn't really the same. Besides, it was entirely possible that like me, neither had much of a social-media profile to speak of.

The incision in my ear, where they had taken out the bug that had apparently been resting for years, still hurt. I supposed that was a sensation I could have listed under feeling-a faint stinging, not helped by whatever was used to clean it. Which was how it was supposed to be, but still. I sighed, and put a hand to it. It was hard to believe that all this time, I had managed to exist without noticing this. Even back then.

And had anyone else noticed, either?

I racked my brain, but I couldn't think. Had maybe Akari said something…a bug-bite. "Something bit me…." yes, perhaps. But I couldn't know. That was the frustrating thing, enough to make me kick at the leg of my chair before remembering myself, and looking at the doorway furtively.

I wished Eizo was here, then I could ask him if he remembered anything of it. Or well, even any of the others, but I felt like the first person I would go to now was Eizo. Perhaps it was simply because we had 'met' first, so I'd been around him more, but I was starting to feel at ease around him. More than that.

I looked down at my hands, recalling the feeling of Eizo's hands surrounding them. Holding tightly, enveloping with warmth. I wished that I had taken him up on his offer of staying with me. But, I couldn't. Sooner or later, I'd wear out his kindness, I was sure. Nobody was permanently kind, permanently so good. Especially not after trauma.

And so, I knew I'd rather wear out that kindness later, rather than sooner.

My stomach rumbled again, and on an impulse, I got up. There wasn't any harm in taking a short walk, just up and down the corridor, perhaps round a corner or two to see if there was a vending machine or something of that sort. As long as I came straight back, it'd be fine. So before I could change my mind, I left the room, and ambled down the corridor. Not finding anything that could provide food, nor any signage indicating anything was near, I gave up, and turned the other way. I concentrated hard on the task of finding food, on the sound of my footsteps, anything to distract me from the implications of the bandage on my ear; from all the fuzzy recollections; from the thought of Eizo. But it wasn't entirely working. Not as well as I would have liked it to.

It was not surprising when I bumped into someone.

"Are you going somewhere?"

I startled at the clipped voice of the Superintendent-Onoe-I recalled, and looked up at the woman, whose gold eyes were regarding me with an unreadable expression.

"I was looking for something to eat…." I said, feeling thoroughly stupid for some reason.

"I see. Well, I was coming to find you, actually, Kishinami-san. Since you are the first person finished and recovered, I'd like to question you first."

All I could do was gawp at her. Feeling awkward rather quickly though, my gaze drifted to the badges on her blazer. A sign of her rank, I knew, but really that was all I knew. A moot point, either way.

"Is there a problem? Will you need to call anyone? A family member or…?"

Family member. I wished she had said parent, because in my mind, the first family member of mine was Akari. It was ridiculous, but there it was. I took a breath, and shook my head.

"I don't….I don't know anything though."

"You are one of our survivors-that alone makes you a key witness. Obviously, you were in no position to help us 20 years ago, but now you are."

And therefore, you should be leaping at this opportunity.

At least, that was the implication I heard, though the older woman was calm and almost expressionless, save for a slight wrinkle of the forehead. Yet, also….had I not been wondering things myself, wanting to understand things?

Akari….

"The thing is, my state back then means I have poor recall of what was going on…" I said.

Akari….would you want me to find out who killed you?

"That will be taken into account, naturally."

I want to find out, though. I want to understand…I really, really did. I was so scared, but still. I wanted to understand. And in the end, didn't the detectives want to understand, too? I had nothing to offer, really. It wouldn't be betraying the fears the others had or anything. But it would be something.

I need to be brave.

So I took another breath in, and nodded my head.

…

Takaaki

I wanted to go, but I did not want to go.

I wanted to go, to see the faces of the people who I had once called friends (even if some cases, the term was loosely used) and classmates, to find out what was going on. I wanted to see if they were remembering looking down at the maps on our Electro-IDs and seeing all those pulsating red dots and working out that they represented us. I wanted to find out if they remembered seeing those pulsating dots on a larger map, tracking the last moments of those who had died, one way or another. I wanted to know if they remembered the relief when those dots exonerated us, the worry when it implicated others. I wanted to get the tracker, bug, whatever the heck Ayuna had called it in her message-that I currently wasn't looking at because I was pacing my flat like a caged something or other-out of my ear, as quickly as possible.

But also, I did not want to go. I did not want to be faced with the fact that the faces of these people would be different and unrecognisable. I didn't want to have to talk about what had happened, didn't want to have to talk about the maps and the accusations and the guilt. I didn't want to face up to why it was we had vowed to never talk about what had happened and why we had decided to not see each other again until this all happened. I didn't want to face the possibility that for all these years I had not actually been free, that whoever had done this could have been watching us. Plus, I had said I would get there tomorrow. Not tonight, not the day after tomorrow, but tomorrow. My bags were packed and I had prepared everything to leave tomorrow. And they could like it or lump it, but that was how it was going to be.

But yet, instead of eating or sleeping or tying up a few university-based loose ends or watching trashy TV, I was pacing. Back and forth across my living room space, relentless. It was almost beyond my control, for though my legs were starting to ache and I was starting to yawn and my stomach was insistently reminding me that food was probably a good idea, I couldn't stop. So up and down I went, up and down, thinking.

Kimiko considered things for a moment, and then, unexpectedly, squeezed into the space next to me and sat down. I made no move to make more space-there wasn't really anywhere to move, anyway. Besides, she was the one to

"This isn't in the camera's line of sight, is it?" she asked.

"You noticed?" I asked, after a moment. "That's why I'm here."

Kimiko gave me a curious look, and I sighed exaggeratedly.

"There are cameras in our freaking bathrooms, for crying out loud. I just want to…not be watched."

"That's fair. Some of the girls tried to see if they could shower in the dark, but the lights turn on when you go in there and only turn off once you leave." Kimiko said after a moment's thought.

"I didn't even think of that."

And now I was thinking of it I wanted to crawl out of my own skin, but oh well. This sort of thing was worse for the girls, after all.

"Akari-san tried to bring it up, but she was laughed at, apparently."

"How do you know all this?" I wanted to know.

Kimiko raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not constantly hiding away."

"I'm not, either." I protested.

Kimiko gave me a look.

"Honestly, I understand why you're being how you are-"

"Am I being anything?"

Again, another look before she gave a small sigh and continued.

"I see the consequences of human cruelty on my examining table on the time, and already we've had four people die because of human cruelty. Some of it their own, but even so. I get it. Still, it's probably better to try and get along, or be around others. It's less likely something will happen if there are enough witnesses."

"And lemme guess, there aren't enough witnesses if I'm on my own."

"Exactly."

"Technically, there aren't enough witnesses here, either. How do I know you haven't come to kill me?"

I didn't actually think that she was going to kill me, but the question came out anyway. I wanted to take it back, but I couldn't make myself backtrack or anything like that. Instead, I just stared at her defiantly. Kimiko regarded me for a moment, clearly surprised, but then she nodded slowly.

"That's fair, I suppose. Though, for what it's worth, I haven't today."

I raised an eyebrow at that.

"Today?"

"I don't have any intention of killing, but I'm sure that Komiya-kun and Fumiaki-kun didn't, either. And look what happened there. So maybe I'll be unlucky and reach that point, or someone else will reach that point and I'll be their target. Or perhaps I'll be lucky."

"Pffft."

Kimiko shrugged, and wriggled out, dusting down her trousers and pink shirt. She shook out her legs, presumably to get rid of pins and needles, almost kicking me. Noticing, she apologised. I shook off the apology, and then there was a moment where Kimiko seemed to be deep in thought.

"Well, whatever happens, I hope I don't get to the point that those two did. And if I do….well, I hope my Dad won't have to find out."

Again, I just stared. Kimiko's eyes looked a little worried, but apart from that, she seemed calm and serious. Eventually, I rolled my eyes and responded:

"Well, he won't hear it from me. But anyway, if you're going to attempt to drag me back, do you want to do it now?"

It was Kimiko's turn to roll her eyes, and she did so, before holding out a hand. I accepted it and stood up, and we walked back to wherever others were.

Having a sudden thought, I paused my pacing to pick my phone off of my sad excuse of a coffee table, and I looked back at the messages from Ayuna. Messages from Ayuna-what a funny thing to be looking for, all things considered. I never thought that I would have any messages, from any of them. I read them all again, and realised that these trackers that had caused such urgency had been discovered thanks to Kimiko's body being exhumed.

"Well, whatever happens, I hope I don't get to the point that those two did. And if I do….well, I hope my Dad won't have to find out."

That was a promise I wouldn't have to break, at least. Kimiko had not gone the way those two, or the four after them, had gone. But all the same, she was gone. And I didn't know if she would have wanted her father to know that. I sighed, and put my phone down, and wandered over to a window. Looking out but not really seeing the scenery below me, I put a hand to my ear, and then to the other. Remembered the way those cameras had made my skin crawl. It was bad enough, being watched almost everywhere. But…

No, no.

I moved away, half paced, and then stopped. I didn't want to go until tomorrow, because tomorrow was when I'd said I'd be there. But I didn't want to wait like this any longer. I couldn't. I just couldn't.

Shaking and wobbly, but resolute, I walked into my kitchen, and looked for my knife block. I didn't even need multiple types of knives-I barely cooked, but my sister had insisted, but now I searched for the smallest one. I washed it, and then I rushed to the bathroom, and stood in front of the mirror. I tucked my hair behind my ears and stared at my reflection for a long time, holding the knife, hands trembling. There was a part of me that realised this was a mad, mad idea.

But what could I do? What else could I do?

I twisted a thick lock of my hair, and stuffed it into my mouth as something to bite on-it tasted horrible, but it would do-and then I angled the knife above my ear. Images flashed past my eyes, particularly of Kimiko. With her, there had been so much blood. There had been with others, but with Kimiko…

Get it over with. Get it out.

So, I did.

One incision, then another, and another, washing my hands and the knife and my ears in between every few. Red swirled around and around in the sink, stained it, got onto my t-shirt and into some of my hair. But soon, eventually, the tiny blade hit something small, and in amongst the red, something small and hard swirled into the sink. I watched it go, momentarily hypnotised by the red water swirling with it into the plughole. Tension I didn't even realise I had in my shoulders leached out, and for a moment my legs went wobbly. I clutched the sink, took in huge gasping breaths.

When my legs seemed like they would work again, I slowly straightened. I pulled off my t-shirt and chucked it in my laundry basket with little regard, and let go off the lock of hair I'd been biting. I looked in the bathroom cupboard for my first aid kit (another thing my sister had foisted on me) and set about cleaning and bandaging up the tops of my ears. I washed the knife again, then took it back to the kitchen, putting it back before once again, the energy left me, and abruptly, I sat on the kitchen floor. I should have felt relieved, and in some ways I was. But at the same time, I wasn't.

Because, sooner or later, it would be tomorrow.

And I both wanted to go, and didn't want to go.