Mai

As I shut the door behind Akio, I had to stop myself from crumpling right there into a sobbing heap. When he'd come back to pack, I'd tried so hard to keep a positive face on things, to pretend that I was alright. But he'd noticed, Akio had. He was like Juro in that way, protectively thoughtful and perceptive. And oh, oh so curious too. He had only asked a few questions-did they stay long? What are they like? Did you have fun?-but in his eyes I could see more. So many more, that I'd never wanted to be questions in the first place. No doubt being whetted by the friends he made, that journalist as well. She was so young, but she reminded me so much of all the others, back then.

Cameras flashing, arms around me and a cloth pulled over my head, the way they did with celebrities or other people in those scandalous cases, where they didn't want the faces of the people involved splashed over the papers.

"Quickly, inside, inside."

The words were barely audible over the cacophony of questions but I scrambled in, curling up on the seat so that I was below the window. I didn't dare look up, knowing that there would be people trying to tap against the window, trying to get my attention.

I still didn't look up, even when I felt the car whirr into life and start to pull away.

I hadn't heard anything from them, either, after Juro had come to take Eizo and Azami away. Nobody seemed to know why, and Juro wasn't answering his phone. He was working, that shouldn't have been surprising, but all the same. What happened? Why the two of them? Had something happened with their trackers? Or maybe it was something to do with New Hope's Peak-but why Azami, then?

Slowly, slowly, I unpeeled my fingers from the door handle and took a deep breath. Even standing here, the house felt so empty, especially knowing that both my children were away and that Juro would more than likely be late. Oh, I hope he'll call soon. Taking another deep breath, I steeled my shoulders, and walked into the kitchen. With a pang, I realised I hadn't given Akio anything to take with him, the way I usually would if he was going somewhere.

I should have thought of that…..I should have….

I fixed up a plate of the leftovers that I had, even after I'd given the rest to the others-I thought of them, but not of Akio? How could I?-and shoved it in the fridge for Juro when he got home, whenever that would be. I idly considered writing a note, but I couldn't imagine myself being able to sleep until he got home. Already, the quiet felt so oppressive. I wanted Sachi to be here, prattling on and on about everything and nothing and trying to 'help' me make dinner. I wanted Akio upstairs, doing homework and then later coming down to join us, joining the chat occasionally and then helping to wash up afterwards. I wanted Juro to come home after a long day, and then, after the kids had gone to bed, to sit quietly with him while we had our own dinners and maybe watch something before going to bed together. I wanted the past where it belonged-far, far away from my family.

And now, only Sachi was oblivious to it all, and I could see it everywhere, everywhere. Even in the cupboard, where the plates I was looking for were.

"Oh, come on, it's not the end of the world if we're late for one day! It's not like any one is here to tell us off for waking up at god knows what time."

Ayuna threw her hands up in utter frustration, pulling a face. I watched nervously, my arms around Azami.

"Yes, but the more we decide to not try and act civilised, the easier it makes it for things to completely disintegrate!" Eikichi responded.

"You say that, but now we're at only seven. " Takaaki pointed out. "I think we're past that point."

"Yes, and I'd rather that we didn't end up going down to five!" Eikichi almost growled. "Do none of you want to survive?"

Ayuna's mouth dropped open, and even Friede looked shocked at that.

"Woah, woah, that's not called for!" Eizo jumped in. "Hanamura, that's unfair! We can't all be super composed and together like you, but we are all trying-after all, we did all come here, didn't we? To eat together, that is, if Sadie and Heiwa are still happy with it?"

"Oh yeah, we're fine with it!" I said quickly.

"Yeah, we're fine…" Friede added.

We exchanged a look as we said this, and then I gave her a wavering smile before turning to look back at the others. Ayuna was still glaring at Eikichi.

"Of all the….you woke up late, too! It's a bit hypocritical for you to get mad at all of us when it's you, too. In any case, I'm going to walk around, cool my head-and hey, you never know, I might actually find something to help us."

"Aozaki-"

Eikichi barely managed to speak before Ayuna swiftly turned on her heel and left. I watched him stare after her, fists clenching slightly before he relaxed them and turned to me.

"There's no point in making breakfast at this time, so if you could make whatever you were planning to make lunch today, that would be good."

"Sure," I said. "Could one of you take Azami-Chan?"

"We'll manage." Eikichi replied simply.

"Yeah, yeah." Eizo said. "Go forth and cook!"

I giggled obligingly, then unwrapped my arms from around Azami.

"Hey, Azami-chan, we're going to make lunch, okay? You'll stay with the boys today, is that alright?"

I watched her face carefully, hoping and hoping for a response, but none was forthcoming. She just stared, blankly. After a moment, I gave up and gently steered her over to Eikichi, Eizo and Takaaki, and then Friede and I went into the kitchen.

"We can't do this anymore." Friede said almost instantly.

I didn't respond initially, as I had launched straight into getting all the ingredients out, but gradually I had to turn and I looked at her.

"We can't, can we?"

Friede met my eyes, but didn't say anything. Instead, she pointed to the cupboard containing the granola that we barely touched. Of course, it was not granola she was referring to. I flinched.

"Free…"

"It's just going to get worse, isn't it?"

"I know, but…"

We looked at each other for the longest time, frozen. Friede was the first to give in, sighing and lowering her head.

"I don't want to, either."

"I know, I know…"

I looked nervously over at the kitchen door, then I decisively gathered the first set of things I needed and began preparations.

"How about tomorrow?" I asked, trying not to tremble, not looking over.

"Tomorrow, then."

I rapidly shut the cupboard, and left the kitchen despite being hungry. I went straight upstairs, and picked up my mobile phone. My first instinct was to call Juro, so I did so, but once again it went to voicemail. I'd already left messages, so rather than leave another, I hung up. I stared at the phone for a long time, close to tears, unsure of what to do. The image of Akio at the door with the other kids flashed in my head, followed by one of him leaving after he'd collected his things to stay with his schoolfriend, all wary and wide-eyed. As if he was scared. Of me? I didn't know. But I'd messed up. I hadn't even made sure to feed him. I had to apologise for that, at least, and check he was okay.

I dialled Akio, and held the phone to my ear, and waited. It kicked straight into voicemail, but this time I decided to leave a message.

"Hey, Akio, it's Mum. I just wanted to check that….that you're okay. I didn't mean….I didn't mean to scare you, I just…I just…I just didn't want…."

Before I knew it, I was crying properly. Aghast, I scrambled to try and hang up, but my hands were shaking and it took a while for me to manage to, and then as soon as I managed that, I turned it off and shoved it in my bedside drawer, and then curling up on my bed, sobbing.

I wasn't sure how much time went by when finally, I felt like I could breathe again, but gradually I sat up, and wiped away the tears. I didn't feel any better though-I knew that I had made everything so, so much more worse. I wasn't sure how to fix it.

I'm not going to be able to, am I? Oh, if only things could have stayed as they were.

Aware of the rumbling in my stomach, I decided to get up and try, once again, to fix myself something to eat. But I knew that no matter what I did, nothing was going to feel right, ever again.

…

Akio

I tapped my pen against the page, frowning at my answer. I looked up at my schoolfriend Sawayama, who was sitting at his desk.

"Hey, did you get 7 for your answer?" I asked.

"No….." he said. "I got 0.23."

"Oh."

"Let's go through it again-you tell me what you did, then I'll tell you what I did."

So I went through the steps for the question, and then he did the same, but by the end of it neither of us were any wiser as to which answer was the actual correct answer. We flicked through the textbook looking for examples, tried again and in the end we just gave up and went to look up the answer for the question online.

As it turned out, both of us were wrong.

"Man," Sawayama said. "We did most of the rest of it anyway, I say we give up for tonight. We managed to get most of the summer homework done anyway."

"Yeah…."

I tidied up my schoolwork and shoved it into my bag, and Sawayama came to sit on the floor with me. I picked up my phone and noticed I had a voicemail message from my mother.

"Hey, so, tell me-"

"Hold on a moment, Sawayama-kun," I said. "Let me just listen to this."

I held the phone to my ear and listened quietly to the call, my heart sinking. Should I try to call back? Or….I decided to, but almost straight away it went straight to voicemail, and so I hung up, staring at my phone. If I could have remained ignorant, it would have been better, but I couldn't go back in time. I couldn't un-know what I knew. And now I did, and after today, how could I decide I didn't want to know more? How could I not at least try to find out something, anything that would help Dad and the police find out the truth? Wouldn't that help Mum more? The truth could be found, the culprit bought to justice, and then we could go home, then finally she'd get closure.

I tapped the screen absently, and then I went to messages, and sent Mum a quick message telling her that I was fine, and not to worry, and then I put my phone down.

"Sorry about that."

"So, was that one of your new buddies?" Sawayama asked.

"No, it was my Mum."

"Oh. " Sawayama shrugged. "I'm surprised she has the time to check on you, she must be freaking out about the investigation, right?"

"Yeah, I guess?"

"I mean, if she hasn't said anything all those years there's got to be a real big reason, right?"

I looked over at Sawayama.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Have you actually looked at all the conspiracies that are around? There's a lot out there, and it's wild man, really wild! I mean, they're conspiracies, but still some of them have a point-if your mum was so innocent why wouldn't she have said anything."

"That's-"

"Did she ever say anything to you about anything, at all? Did you ever meet them?"

"What? No, I already said, I had no idea about any of this at all until the investigation re-opened."

"Oh, come on, we're friends, you can tell me." Sawayama wheedled.

"I mean…I don't really want to talk about it."

"But you talked to those new friends, right?" he asked. "That girl, the booktuber one, she's solving the mystery right? Or at least, she's claiming she wants to. So why can you talk to her but not me?"

"Sawayama-kun, please, just leave it for now, okay?" I said.

"Come on, you have to admit I have a point-besides, this is thrilling! My parents are boring as crap, you've met them, nothing like this would ever happen to me. Can you blame me for wanting to know more?"

"Sawayama-kun, I've been talking about it a lot." I said, tiredly. "And I'll be talking a lot more about it tomorrow. Can't we just…talk about something else?"

Sawayama pouted at that.

"Hey, come on, I let you stay here, right? So come on, give me something at least."

It took me a moment or so to process those words. Sawayama waited expectantly, as if I would cave and tell him all the gory details. But I had confided. I'd told him a little about the people I'd met, I told him that all of this was new, and a little scary. And how many times had I said that all of this was stuff I'd never known until a few days ago? I looked around to see what things were where, and then I got up.

"Wait, what are you doing?"

I'd left my pyjamas in a neat pile on top of the futon I was supposed to be using, so I gathered those up, and put them in my bag, and then I put the few other things I'd taken out in, put my phone in my jeans pocket and stood up.

"Thanks for having me, but I'll go now."

"Wait, wha-"

"it's fine, I'll see myself out."

"Woah, wait, Arisato-kun-"

I ignored Sawayama and left his room, going downstairs and opening the door, then stepping out of the house and heading down the street. I didn't have any destination in mind, so I just kept walking and walking. I knew this area well, from visiting Sawayama and other friends who lived here on other occasions. So I didn't particularly pay attention to my surroundings beyond making sure I wasn't in danger. I just kept walking and walking, trying to walk off the feelings Sawayama's words had made me feel. As if he was entitled to know things that even I didn't know. Maybe, in other circumstances, I would have been more open with him, or even my other schoolfriends, but for now I couldn't. It wasn't fair of him to ask so much. So I kept going, and going.

And….where, exactly, am I going?

The question hit me, and I slowed down as I reached a street full of shops, stopping by a small café. I couldn't wander around all night, I couldn't go home, and I definitely wasn't going to go back. A hotel….but that won't work, in the long term, what about the money….? I sighed and leaned against the wall, taking out my phone. There were other friends I could ask, but what if they thought and felt the same way as Sawayama? As I pondered this, a text flashed up in the notifications bar.

Sawayama: Oh, you think you're too good for me-

I marked it as read without looking at the actual message-I couldn't deal with this. I needed someone who understood, which really only left them. And out of all of them, there was one person who understood me better than the others. So, I scrolled through my contacts, found their number, and made the phone call.

…

I followed Akagi's directions carefully, finding the bus stop that particular bus went to, and then waiting a few more minutes for one to arrive. I got on, and sat near the front, not putting on any music to listen to as the stop I was getting off at was in an unfamiliar area, and I didn't want to miss it. Instead, I looked out of the window, watching the world go by.

By the time I reached it and got off the bus, it was completely dark out and I started to regret my impulse decision, more so when I saw Akagi standing at the bus stop with his white stick, calm as anything. I walked up to him.

"Benbow-kun? It's me, Akio."

"Arisato-kun." Akagi nodded. "I hope it wasn't too hard to find your way here."

"No, it was fine, but sorry to make you come out when it was so late…"

"Ah, it is not so late. Besides, my uncle is interested to meet my new friends, and he's particularly interested in you."

"Why me?" I asked.

"Our mothers were particularly close friends, I believe."

"Ah."

We walked the rest of the way in silence. Even before Akagi opened the gate I could tell which house on the relevant road was his, because his uncle was waiting in the doorway-and it was pretty clear to me, despite this being the first time that I met him, that Akagi and this man were related. They didn't look so much like each other-the uncle was blond and blue eyed like Friede. But all the same, there was a resemblance.

"Ah!" the uncle exclaimed. "You must be Akio-kun, it's a pleasure to meet you! I'm Taiki Benbow, Akagi's uncle."

"I'm Akio Arisato, um…..sorry for the imposition, I know you wanted a few days extra notice."

"No, no, it's fine…" Taiki said with a laugh. "Few days is ideal, really, but I can be accommodating. I suspect that my nephew was simply trying to be considerate of me. Now, come in, come in. Are you hungry? I gather you walked a while."

"Ah, I did have dinner…" I started, thinking.

I would need to text my friend to apologise, and thank him for having put me up for the short time that he had. Even if he had been a clod, it was a bit rude of me to have just walked out.

Taiki nodded knowingly.

"Alright, why don't you clean up, and then we can have some ice-cream and a chat?"

I considered and then nodded politely.

"Yeah, that sounds nice."

Taiki stepped aside to let me in, and then closed the door while I took my shoes off, and then he went into what I presumed was the kitchen while Akagi took me up to his room.

"I hope a futon will be alright for you-I can take it instead if you want." He said apologetically.

"Oh, it's fine, really! I was using a futon at my schoolfriend's house anyway!"

"I've cleared a space in my cupboard for your things, too….I hope it's alright if you leave your bags inside there, or on top of the chest of drawers, rather than on the floor. Even if it's on the side it can be a bit…."

"Sure, sure. It's not a problem."

"Oh."

I looked over at Akagi, who seemed a little startled, unsure of what to do with himself. I recalled the words his mother had said to him, and wondered if she'd been like that all his life. I couldn't imagine it-Mum had always been good to me and to Sachi, she'd never dream of even thinking such unkind things, even when we were being particularly difficult.

Akagi sighed and went to sit on his bed, taking out his phone to listen to music, and I quickly got myself sorted out and put my things away. Then I indicated to him that I was ready, and he led me to the kitchen, where Taiki was just scooping out ice cream into three bowls.

"Oh, what flavour is that?"

"Vanilla and caramel-it's Akagis' favourite!"

"Oh, really? " I considered. "I've never had that flavour before."

"Haven't you?" Akagi asked in surprise. "For real?"

"For real." I confirmed. "But I like both things separately, so I'm sure it'll be good."

"Never tried it before. Huh."

Akagi shook his head in such utter disbelief that I had to laugh, and after a moment, Akagi laughed too. We sat down and began to eat, and I was pleasantly surprised.

"This is good."

"It is, isn't it?" Akagi said. "You've been missing out."

"I have, I have!" I agreed.

We debated ice-cream flavours for a little while, Taiki watching us in amusement for a while, shaking his head.

"Well, it's a good thing to see the two of you having so much fun, I think this will be good for Akagi."

"Uncle…."

"Ah, it's fine."

"Although, have you told your parents that you'll be here instead of at your friends? And what about their parents?"

"Ah, my friend actually lives alone for high school, so that one's not a problem. As for my parents…I'll send my dad a message later, and he can pass it on to Mum."

"Ah, right. Yes, Akagi mentioned that you had a….slightly unfortunate run-in. "

I pulled a face at that-it was certainly one way of putting what had happened earlier today. Akagi looked guilty, and I reached over to tap him.

"It's okay." I said, not sure what else to say.

"Yes, it is," Taiki agreed. "I'm going to have to talk with my sister, perhaps when the two of you are out tomorrow. Something needs to change, especially now that the past is coming back up."

"Mhm." Akagi mumbled.

"Did you know my mother?" I asked, suddenly as the thought occurred to me.

Both Taiki and Akagi looked over at me, and I blushed.

"I mean, I know you were….younger? But did you ever meet?"

"Yes, I was younger-I started middle school when my sister started at Hope's Peak, and I met some of them a few times…your mother was one of them, since she was Friede's closest friend. She was nice, I remember. Very sweet, made cakes for something or other…I can't remember why, but even though I wasn't involved with the reason, she gave me a cake too. She was good at cooking-is she still?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, from what I saw, they were a cool group, that class. Very close. And not just because they did stuff altogether. I mean, there were different friendship groups and things, and different personalities and suchlike but…I don't know, as a group they really gelled. I used to be so envious because my class in middle school wasn't like that at all. Apart from when we had to do things together it was just like we were names on a list and that was all. Being the same class didn't mean anything much really, you know?"

"It must have been nice." Akagi murmured. "Mum must have been happy."

"Yes. Yes she was happy."

And then it all got taken away. None of us needed to say it, and for a little while, we just sat there, quietly eating spoonfuls of our ice-cream, and considering this fact. Eventually, though, Taiki cleared his throat.

"I have a few photographs," he said. "Friede, she didn't keep any of her things from back then, once she came home. I salvaged some of it just in case she might want it someday, but I still have them. Would you like to see the photographs I managed to save, Akio?"

"Um…." I glanced over at Akagi. "Is that alright with you?"

Akagi shrugged.

"You can always describe them to me."

"Then in that case, yeah, that would be nice."

"Alright then, I'll be back in a tick."

Taiki got up and left the room, and we continued eating our ice-cream, Akagi almost finishing by the time Taiki came back with a small box.

"Most of the pictures are on her phone, but there are a few printed out ones in there too. The passcode's 5-4-7-3-9-8."

I picked up the phone and weighed it up uncertainly, turning it over and noting the rhinestone 'F' on the back of the cover. Taiki noticed my uncertainty and laughed.

"It's an iPhone. It was a slightly older model at the time, but we all kept putting off upgrading-Friede was happy with it, and it worked, so why bother, you know? In any case, there's nothing on there except the photos and old messages."

"Ah."

I tapped in the passcode, and though the icons were unfamiliar it didn't take me very long to manage to find the photo album. The first picture looked like a group selfie, taken by a girl with flowers in her black hair peering over seats in a minivan, where my mother and Friede –both instantly recognisable to me-were sitting. There were a number of others squished up in the picture as well, and I thought I recognised younger versions of the faces I had seen today.

"Is that Eizo Amai?" I asked Taiki, pointing.

"Yes, yeah. The one that looks like him but is blond and more serious, that was his brother. It was easy to tell them apart thanks to the dyed hair."

"And this?"

"That's Ayuna Aozaki."

"Oh. Oh, that makes sense."

Despite what were obviously very drastic differences between then and now, once it was pointed out, I could easily connect the dots. I continued to flick through the photographs, all of which looked like they had been taken on various stretches of the trip-posed shots in front of tourist attractions, cheeky selfies, some pretty scenery photographs. I described them to Akagi, and occasionally turned them to Taiki to ask who a particular person was, or for further context. He didn't always know, and some of his answers were more speculation than knowledge

"Those I believe Azami Kishinami took," Taiki said after a few scenery shots. "Or perhaps she advised Friede. I know that she liked having nice nature photographs, but didn't want to impose on her friend just because it was her Talent, you know?"

"Mhm…"

I kept flicking through, as the photos changed over to what looked like scenes from different aspects of their school lives. I lingered a while on a photograph of Friede talking to Mum backstage during what I assumed was a performance, and another of the two of them in formal wear-a neat, floor length ice-blue dress in Friede's case, and what looked like a pink floral kimono dress in Mum's case. There were other shots of the other members of the class in formal wear, apparently posing against the same background, under a banner which read 'Hope's Peak Formal Dance-winter 2018'. After looking through a few more, I decided to see what the paper paragraphs were, and once I'd locked the phone, I put it in and pulled out a sheaf.

Some turned out to be newspaper cuttings, and I realised that these were from competitions and performances my mother had done during that time. But I had never seen these ones in the collection that she kept, back home. How could you have, if she didn't want you to know? There was a newspaper article about the Reiwa Era party and how the class was going to help, with a whole class posed photograph taking up half the sheet, and then a few more of various other classmates and things they'd performed in. Then there were the proper printed photographs-most of these were of the silly photo booth type, and not all of them featured Friede, or my mother, though many featured both, and there was one which, to my count, contained about ten classmates in one small square.

"How did they even manage to get so many people into one photo booth?" I wanted to know.

"Beats me," Taiki said with an amused smile. "But that's what they were like."

The next photo gave me pause. My mother and Friede were in school uniform, though my mother wasn't wearing her blazer, and they were both perched on a desk in what I assumed was their classroom. On either side, a boy stood. One with streaked-hair and blushing slightly, the other small and dark haired and bird-like with a big grin that made me think of Sachi, with the same innocent eagerness. Teiichi Kazama and Kiran Nanakai.

Four mixed raced students….representations of modern Japan.

That's what these four had been seen as by the school, something special and above, as if they were elites. And I knew that was true, considering the school, yet at the same time….looking at all of these pictures, while I got a sense of the specialness, at the same time they just looked like kids. Like me, and Akagi, and my classmates and no doubt his classmates. They just looked like kids who were enjoying life and having a good time, just like any other kids.

"They were all hāfu, weren't they?" I asked Taiki. "These four?"

"Yes, yes," Taiki nodded. "I remember Friede calling home for the first time and expressing how surprised she was that there were three other people just like her. That made her really happy, I remember. And I met those two a lot because of that-I couldn't believe Kiran was a high schooler, to be honest!"

"It's funny," Akagi spoke up. "In that class, there were four hāfu, and now in our little group there are four of us with hāfu parents."

"It is funny, isn't it?" Taiki mused.

I yawned, and decided just to look at a few more pictures. The first few were just more ordinary shots, but the final one I picked up took my breath away. It was clearly somewhere on the school grounds, and on an absolutely grey, rainy day. It should have been a depressing picture, but it was full of life.

Because the whole class were there.

In various raincoats, all different colours and designs, and with many umbrellas too. Some wearing trainers, others wearing wellies. I instantly spotted my mother with her hair down and wearing a pink raincoat, soaked but happily dancing with her floral umbrella, alongside Lilian Lao with a see-through poncho and a purple butterfly-patterned umbrella. I could see Friede too, laughing as she watched Eizo Amai and some of the other boys jumping in a puddle. I saw Eikichi Hanamura-another one who to me seemed instantly recognisable, practically the same just younger-looking as if he was shaking his head in annoyance but still unable to avoid being amused. I spotted Teiichi and Kiran together, the latter wearing dinosaur wellies that Sachi would be jealous of. She'd also be jealous of Yuki Fujimoto's jellybean patterned wellies and raincoat that made him look like a unicorn, as it happened. Every single member of the class was in that photograph, vivid against the dreariness of their background, every single one clearly enjoying themselves. And not just within their friendship groups, but as a whole class.

Perhaps it was that which really made them special, more than anything else.

I yawned again, louder this time, and Taiki gave an amused chuckle.

"Alright, I think it's well past your bedtimes. I'll bring this out again if you want to have a look another time, alright?"

"Yes. Um, thank you, Benbow-san."

"Not a problem. And please, my first name is fine."

Thanking him again, Akagi and I went up, and brushed our teeth, before he crawled into bed and I went to my futon.

"Goodnight, Benbow-kun."

"Goodnight, Arisato-kun."

As the lights went off, it occurred to me there was something I needed to do. But the pictures I had looked at were too busy replaying in my head, and before I could remember I was fast asleep.

…

Akemi

When I got home, I could tell by the missing shoes in the hallway that both my parents were out. Still, I announced my presence as I took off my own shoes and put them neatly on the shoe rack, flexing my feet for a moment before heading into the kitchen. First, I looked on the calendar, mostly used to carefully keep track of all my appearances and lessons and interviews, but now, for the most part, sparse for the next few weeks. A strange thrill coursed through me just looking at it, and despite myself, I refrained from doing a little happy dance or crying out in joy or any of the other things the feeling made me want to do at such relative freedom. Instead, I looked at today's date, and underneath the indicator that it had been the day of the tour, there was a social event listed for my parents. Somewhere where they'd get to rub shoulders with the rich and glamorous, and boast about the reason they had proximity to such people in the first place-me.

Once I had looked at that, I scanned the rest of the board, and found a sticky note that had been redundantly also pinned.

Akemi, make sure that your video is out before you go to bed tonight. You should have started it the moment the tour finished. We will be out all night and that should give you plenty of time.

I stared at it, and sighed. Even in an empty house, I refused to show my feelings about that note in the kitchen. Besides, why should I have feelings about this, when it wasn't anything new. I unpinned the note, then trailed upstairs, easily ignoring my rumbling stomach even though I didn't want to. The cakes that I had had at Rieka's had been amazing, but they were all I had had all day.

It's okay, you can do this. Just do the video, upload it where you were instructed to, send a copy to the parents as proof, then you can change and make something indulgent.

I headed upstairs and to my bedroom, kitted out perfectly so that I could practise near enough anything that didn't require a specific setting in here. Soundproof, extended, an absolutely glorious desk with a state-of-the-art computer with a webcam, microphone, the works. Big mirror so I could make sure every aspect of my appearance was perfect. It was to that I first headed, so that I could inspect my reflection, before then going to find my make-up kit and hairbrushes to touch myself up. Then, it was to the computer I headed, powering it on and mentally steeling myself, thinking of all the right things to say. I found the link that my fans had submitted questions to, and had that up as a reference point as I began to film myself.

I went through the rest of the video-making steps in autopilot. I tried hard to not expend any more thinking than was absolutely necessary, including the thinking needed to disguise trembles in my voice, yawns, my hands. To supress the relief when I finished the filming, so it wouldn't filter on the camera. But eventually, I was finished, and all that was left to do was email a link to my parents, so that they'd see it the next time they checked their phones, which I was sure they were doing every so often, just to see if the video was there or not. Just that. So, I didn't bother with any explanations, or small talk, or anything. All the email contained was the link and then….that was it.

Now, I could go to the part of the room that was mine. To the wardrobe with a full-length mirror that was still smaller than the one in the other half of the room, to the bed and the chest of drawers and my knickknacks. I opened the wardrobe, and pulled my pyjamas out. Impulsively, I held the white pyjama top to my body and looked in the mirror. I love you to the moon and back, the writing declared, making a liar out of me. Who did I love that much? Certainly not the girl in the mirror holding the top. Sighing, I balled it up and then quickly went to my bathroom, concentrating on cleaning myself, letting my hair free from its ponytail, scrubbing away the makeup and revealing all my flaws for nobody to see. I kept it simple though, there was no need for an elaborate cleansing ritual. And yet, somehow, I felt more cleansed after this, than I had for a long while.

It was a feeling I tried to hold onto as I headed back down to the kitchen, but as I looked around me at the cupboard and the fridge, the sensation disappeared and was replaced with panic. I could barely remember the last time I'd sat in my own kitchen, eating a meal to unwind at the end of a day. I could barely remember eating a meal. Just snacks and drinks and protein bars and shakes, quick things so as to maximise the time I spent being lucrative. Anything approaching a meal were in formal occasions, expensive, tiny things arranged artfully on plates. I knew how to cook, in many cuisines, but….

What do I do? What do I do? I struggled to take a breath, but somehow I managed it, then gave another, and another, until I was less shaky. When I lifted my hands up to my face though, they still trembled. Think of something, I told myself. Anything, just anything…my thoughts drifted, here and there, to how much fun I'd had today with everyone. Yes, that scene at Akio's house hadn't been nice, and we'd obviously more or less gotten down to business once at Rieka's. But…it had been fun. The glimmer of hope was unfurling into something brighter. Maybe then….something comforting. I watched my hands still, and eventually decided to just make a bowl of ramen. Simple, but tasty.

And with that decision, calm returned.

…

It wasn't until I had finished and cleared up, taking an unusually leisurely pace in doing so that it hit me-the profile. I had said that I would do one, but I hadn't even thought about it. And we were meeting tomorrow. It shouldn't matter, it wasn't supposed to matter. They weren't the show or my agent or my parents. They were supposed to be my freedom.

But what if? What if?

It wasn't meant to be about me, was it? No, it was supposed to be about helping the past SHSLs, finding the truth and justice and closure. It was meant to be something good and meaningful. What was I doing, just relaxing, taking my time cooking and eating and savouring said cooked food, as if I was fully ordinary. Yes, I was less of an oddity around kids like them, and yes, I didn't have to be the TV figure. But…that was how they knew me, first and foremost. As someone perfect, who could learn and do everything at extraordinary rates. Surely they'd want me to do the same here, to help solve the mystery.

Arisato-kun wouldn't. He'd understand, wouldn't he? He wouldn't mind. His gentle face appeared in my mind as I brushed my teeth and washed my face, and then went to my bedroom. Despite myself, I sat down on my bed, grabbing a planet cushion and hugging it. Yes, I was sure Akio didn't think like that-after all, he didn't even seem to have fully realised who I was when we'd first met in school. But the others…how could I be sure about them? Any of them? What if I didn't deliver, and then they were disappointed? If they stopped wanting me around?

I could hardly have my hope of normality and friendship if they didn't want me around.

Maybe it would just be better, if I was just in space. Drifting, aimless, away from it all. Just the planets and the stars, nothing to judge me. I hugged my planet cushion closer to me, imagining it. Going to space, like I had always dreamed, but opening the door of the spacecraft and then just…letting go. It was not so much I wanted to die as I…

But no. The hope is still there. It's still glimmering.

Once again, I thought of them all. Mitsuhide's terrible attempts at flirting and not-so-terrible charm, even if it was very much of the rolled-on-thick variety. Rieka and Otsuka's tendencies towards snappy retorts, the way Ritsuka quietly surveyed everything, Akagi's sorrowful calm. And Akio. Lovely, lovely Akio, who'd given me that hope in the first place. I wanted so badly for them to be what I was looking for.

But I knew by now that things don't just come because you wish for them. I had to put in the work to make it happen. I had to prove myself worthy of it. So I abandoned the cushion, got back up, and headed to my desk.

Fun fact, I basically wrote this chapter backwards-that is to say, I wrote the last scene first, the first one last and so on. Even for me, a serial scene/chapter hopper, this was an...interesting process XD. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter, as always! I'm probably going to focus back on ASIB again for the next few weeks update wise but don't worry, this is still definitely being worked on too!