But that was Murder

We were married for about six months when an African Dictator ended up in our care. While House was in rehab, Foreman took over the Diagnostics department. Remmy… she had Huntington's disease and was thriving in her drug trials, but she got an unethical dose and she left the team as well. So Chase and I joined Taub under Foreman.

It was going fine until the Dictator came in, and a misdiagnosis led to the man's death. The thing was there had been an attempt on the man's life while he was in our care, and w all learn of the atrocities he had committed and Chase, Foreman and I had been conflicted on whether or not to continue his care.

I thought we had all agreed. We took an oath to do no harm. So we were to treat him like any other patient. But he died.

I thought these things happen, you know I didn't really think anything of it. I certainly didn't feel bad about it. But I started noticing a change in my husband. He had stopped spending time with me.

He was avoiding me. And then there was an investigation on the death of the man. It got worse. He spent extra time in the hospital… "I've got to go. Foreman needs more help with the M&M prep."

I looked at him as I looked up from our patient. "Okay, I'll come up and help after I finish the biopsy."

Chase shook his head, "We can handle it. I'll see you at home later."

I stood and turned to face him. "If you're here, I might as well be."

He took my hands and kissed me softly. "Go home. Get some rest. 'Cause I'm going to be waking you up as soon as I get home." Then he smiled softly.

I didn't think the issue was that bad, because I could see that he loved me. My mind wasn't going down a dark path because I trusted in him not to lie to me. "

Except he didn't come home that night until late, and got up early the next morning. I walked up behind my husband and Foreman having a seriously intense conversation. "Hey."

"Hey." He answered and kissed me softly.

"Missed you this morning."

"Yeah, sorry. I needed to get in early. I didn't want to wake you."

"I thought you did want to wake me." I answered, looking at him. "At least that's what you said last night."

"I'm out of here." Foreman said, starting to walk away from us.

I turned to him. "No, no. I got the biopsy results." I handed him the file. "It's not cancer."

And he was off to the diagnostics room and I walked on down the hall with chase. I didn't have to say anything. I was just watching and waiting for him to speak. He looked at me and rolled his eyes at me. "I told you there's nothing wrong."

"There's obviously something wrong and I'm not even saying we need to talk about it right now. I just don't see why you have to deny it."

"I'm not."

"Now you're denying you're denying."

"No, I'm denying that there's anything to deny." He answered. I stopped walking and looked at my husband. Stopping him from moving forward.

"Robert, you can't do this. You can't hide things from me."

"There's a problem with the Dibala M&M. The HDL numbers on one of his early blood panels don't match a later panel."

I furrowed my brows. "That's weird."

"Yeah…" he said and started walking again. "It's no big deal. Cholesterol didn't have anything to do with his death, but, you know, after being let go from Mercy and then that thing with Thirteen's drug trial, Foreman's paranoid about people questioning the way he handled the case."

I snorted, "Well that's ridiculous. If anything, Foreman should be feeling secure. He's the one who had the right diagnosis. We're the ones who talked him out of it."

"I know." He said still a little shifty. Robert didn't know about my super power, he hadn't learned not to lie to me. "Don't tell him I told you. He doesn't want to show any signs of weakness, especially now that House is claiming he wants him to stay in charge."

I watched him dubiously, because he just doesn't' want me to talk to Foreman about the M&M at all. "All right."

I spent many more nights alone in bed. And I would wake up alone in the morning and I just knew something was so very wrong. But he wasn't opening up to me, and I didn't think I should push because I had my own demons and secrets that I could never talk to him about.

One night, Chase woke me… "Hon. Wake up."

I looked over at him and frowned. "Why are you dressed? You can't sleep?"

He sighed. "I want to go tell Cheryl that Donny died."

I looked at the bedside clock and furrowed my brows. "It's 4:00 in the morning."

"They're nearly two hours away. I figure by the time I get there, she'll be awake."

"Babe, come back to bed. Call her in a few hours."

"It's the sort of thing she needs to hear face-to-face." He said and stood up starting to pace the room. My cool calm and collected husband was nervous and that made me nervous.

"Is everything okay?" I asked sitting up in bed.

"Everything's fine. Why?" he answered

I sighed and brought my knees up to my chest. "Last week, I understood that you were stressed out about the Dibala M&M and I gave you your space. But that's over now, and you're still acting…" I paused and looked him over. I shook my head. "I'm worried about you."

"Don't be." He said and came back to the bed to sit. "I'm fine. Really."

"And you'd tell me if you weren't?" I asked, he nodded. "Promise?"

"Yeah."

Bullshit.

"Okay." I said and he got up to leave the room. "Hey." he stopped and turned to face me. "I love you."

He smiled softly, "I love you too."

I don't know if that meant he was ready to crack under the pressure. But he disappeared for like eight hours. I hadn't seen or heard from him and I was beginning to panic. I called Foreman and asked about him.

I proceeded to call the hospitals near by, "He's been missing for eight hours. Robert Chase. C-H-A-S-E."

As I was calling I heard him come in. "Hey!"

I dashed into the living room and breathed a sigh of relief. "Never mind, he just walked in, sorry." I turned to him as I hung up the phone. "You could've called me."

He took of his Jacket and shrugged. "Oh, I-I forgot."

He forgot? This asshole knows my abandonment issues. We have talked about my past in the foster system. "You forgot to call me? It's 2:00 in the morning. Where were you?" I walked closer and I could smell what he had been up to. "Ooh, you're drunk."

"All right, I... I needed to get wasted. I did. And now I'm better." He answered.

I sighed and shook my head baffled at his attitude. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing." He said trying to put his arm around me. The hell? I frowned and pushed him away and put him to bed on the couch.

It was more weeks of his avoidance. He didn't spend more time with me than absolutely necessary. I resorted to talking to Foreman for information on my husband which was seriously frustrating because he had promised he would talk to me. "Chase went to the gym five times this week." I mentioned to Foreman casually.

"Okay."

"One of those times I followed him."

He looked at me. "What?"

"I followed him." I said to him. "And yes, I know how humiliating that admission is."

"Where'd he go?"

"The gym, that time. But I know that something's –"

"I'm stopping you right there. This is a conversation you should be having with Chase, not me." He said raising his hand.

I sighed in frustration. "I've tried having this conversation with Chase."

Foreman shook his head and went back to checking the patient. "No sign of tears. It's not bulimia."

"Is he having an affair?" I asked.

"No."

I quirked a brow. "Why should I believe you?"

"You shouldn't, you should believe him." He said and walked out of the room. I sighed and followed him out.

So Foreman sent us to a home visit later after that conversation. It was more like a hotel visit. This man had been accused of molesting a teenage girl. So we needed to find some proof of it. Right now It just seemed like the girl was lying. As we walked out of the hotel room Chase said, "That was helpful. He'd be crazy to risk his marriage for a one-night stand with a teenager."

And I thought, this was my opening, I needed to know what was happening with my husband. "Sensible people only risk their marriage for something more serious?"

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not having an affair."

What lie could possibly be this important, that it would make me so crazy. I am not this person. "We're talking about Keener."

"Fine. He doesn't care about his marriage. What about his career? Statutory rape would ruin it."

"It's admitting statutory rape that could ruin it. Which is why we'll never hear the truth out of him. Rufies OD explains all her symptoms. We should start treating her with flumazenil." I said clearly not getting anywhere with this… besides I believed it when he said that he wasn't having an affair.

After spending a night alone in my bed, I came into the living room to him sitting on the couch. I sighed and sat beside him. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I always suspect the worst. If you say you're not having an affair, you're not having an affair." He took my hand and sighed. Then he looked into my eyes. My heart dropped into my stomach. "Oh, God, you are."

"I'm not."

I sighed in relief. "Okay. Sorry. Again." He sighed again and sat forward resting his chin on his hands. I leaned foreward and placed a hand on his shoulder. "If you don't want to tell...okay. But I could help. Whatever this is, it's eating away at you. We could get past it together. I love you no matter what."

"We lose patients sometimes." He said and tears came to his eyes. "One of those patients... Dibala... We didn't ac –" He faltered as tears began to fall. "We didn't actually lose him. I killed him."

I wanted to be there for him. I really did, so I slipped my hands from his shoulder. Because the anger that filled me of the weeks of the lies that he had told. How crazy he had made me feel. And he had murdered someone?

I stood and went to the kitchen. I needed something to do. So I poured myself some cereal and some milk. I tried to eat. I tried to eat my anger away. I filled my spoon with cereal then dropped it back in the bowl. "We're gonna be late for work." he said softly.

"Then we'll be late." I said and slammed the bowl down on the table. I watched the milk droplets jump out on to the wooden surface of my table. I stared at the milk as I said, "You took a patient's life, you lied about it for weeks, you broke who knows how many laws and oaths to cover it up, but I can live with it. We can get through it together."

Chase sighed, "You have no idea what I've been living with, and what it means to hear you say that."

"But we need to get away from Princeton-Plainsboro. You can barely walk by the rooms where Dibala was treated." I stated and looked at him. He frowned at me. "Why should we live with that hanging over our heads? If there was ever a time to turn the page…"

When we finally got to work, we felt lighter. Our decision was made and we were leaving. As we approached the Diagnostic room, Foreman greeted us. "House is back in charge. We get to treat a porn star."

Chase rolled his eyes. "Congratulations."

"Perfect timing for us." I said folding my arms across my chest.

They all looked at us, and chase stated. "We're leaving the team and the hospital, effective immediately."

"That's kind of sudden. Unless you've been circulating your resumes for a while."

"We're just starting to think about new jobs, where we want to live." Chase stated.

House looked at me then back at Chase… "Moving too. Interesting."

Cuddy spoke up this time and looked over at Chase. "Are you sure about this?"

He nodded. "Yes."

"Uh... We'll miss you." He said guessing at why we were leaving but saying nothing. He was such a good friend.

I smiled. "We'll miss all of you too. We'll start clearing out our things."

The finality of the situation was marked for me when Housed turned his back on us. I knew there was no coming back from this decision. Chase and I left the diagnostics room and headed to the locker room to pack up. "House thinks it's cerebral vasculitis. If you could just do the brain angio while I finish up the blood work –" Foreman said coming to us.

"We're out the door." Robert said placing something in his box. I looked up at foreman who was desperate for help.

"He's got me running every test and treatment by myself."

"Which is why you should be out the door too." I said to him. Placing a sweater in my box. "This is completely unreasonable, even for House."

"You owe me this." Foreman said stepping closer to my husband. I watched as my husband took in his face, then looked over at me. I sighed and gave in. one more for the road.

As we rode the elevator to the lab. "Thank you." Chase said.

I read the chart over, "You really believe this is cerebral vasculitis?"

Chase shrugged. "Could be."

Once the elevator let us out we started down the hall. "House wants to thread a catheter through his brain, which could cause a vasospasm, give steroids, which could spread infection all over the place, because it could be."

"Sounds like House."

"It could also be a severe vitamin D deficiency. He has a restrictive diet, works long hours indoors, became hypocalcemic, got tetany and photophobia." I enumerated.

"Are you saying I shouldn't do the angio?" Chase asked me.

"House ordered it, Foreman wants it, of course we should do it. I'm just saying we're right to leave." I stated.

"You sure?" My husband said. "Because right now I'll basically do anything you ask me."

I shook my head. "I'm not interested in guilting you. We're moving on."

"Right after I take the patient to the phototherapy suite, blast him in ultraviolet light, and IV vitamins for his severe vitamin D deficiency." Chase said.

This made me smile, because it meant that he was beginning to think independently.

Many said that my looking beyond this murder was not going to sit well with me. They thought that I would go running once I realized what he had done. After I had told him that I had forgiven Chase, House had actually said. "Not for murder. Not you. Doesn't matter how evil Dibala was. By every conscience-hugging, Mother Teresa-loving bone in your body, you should be leaving him, not leaving with him."

I turned to him and stated. "I thought your position was our leaving is a ruse."

"We're not talking about my position, we're talking about yours, which doesn't add up."

I stopped to look at my old boss. "Here's what doesn't add up. If you were serious about staffing your team, you would know exactly which three fellows you wanted. You plowed ahead with this case even though you hadn't hired new fellows because you knew Foreman would ask Chase and me to help, giving you more time to blow up our marriage."

"I don't want that." He shook his head. "But we'd be foolish not to plan ahead. A: my firing Chase was the only reason you left two years ago, B: when the full horror of his homicide hits you, your marriage will blow up. And Z... The only obstacle to you working here will be gone. Or maybe I skipped a couple of letters."

I had rolled my eyes and walked away. But he had me thinking hard the rest of the day. Like he always did. Chase caught up to me in the hallway and just walked along with me. He said, "You're mad at House, but you're not mad at me."

I looked at him and rolled my eyes. "Do you want me to be mad at you?"

"You blame House. Not me."

"I am mad at House because he's an ass. And I am mad at you, but I don't want to leave you." I answered his question.

"What I did may be the worst thing I ever did. It may be the best." He said stopping our stroll down the hall. I looked at my husband he had something to express to me. "I'm either a murderer or a guy who stopped a mass murderer, but I did it. Me. And even if it destroys me, I'd do it again today."

I shook my head, "You don't mean that. This isn't you."

"I'm not running away from what I did because you want to pretend I never did it." He stated.

"If that's how you feel... Okay." I said softly.

At the end of the day, I went ahead with my plans to leave. I took all of my belongings and put them away. Chase came in after a while, thinking he was going to finish packing as well. But before I could respond to his presence he state. "I told House I want to work for him again."

I was stung. I didn't know what to think. I had no words but luckily he did and kept talking. "Stay on the team. You were always more into it than I was, more interested in diagnostics. Unless House was right about why you want out."

I just stared at him. He was right. I loved Diagnostics. I loved epidemiology, I loved doing what we did, but I Hated what the man did to our psyche. I have become a woman that I no longer recognized, and Chase was not the man that I had married.

I knew that House was playing us all, and I knew that if I came back I would fall right in with wat he wanted. And I decided I was really through. I walked away from Chase and headed up to House's office. I watched through the window as he packed his things away for the night then I walked in. I stood there silently as he mumbled, "Four for four."

"I was in love with you." I said and took a step forward. "I was an idiot. Tried to be like you, tried to understand you because I thought I could heal you." I paused and shook my head. "You almost killed that patient."

"If almost not saving his life means –" He tried and I interrupted.

"You knew the diagnosis a long time ago. You risked another patient's life to bait your old team."

"Another one?" He asked.

"You did kill Dibala. By playing God and teaching us to do the same."

"I taught you to think for yourselves."

I snorted. "You don't even think of them as people. They're just lab rats for your little puzzles."

"As you celebrate their humanity, I'd rather solve those little puzzles and save their lives." House spat.

"Motives do matter. Lives can't come second." I spat back.

"The patient is alive. That's what matters."

I shook my head. "Not to you. All you care about is that Taub and Thirteen fell for your game. You'll poison them just like you poisoned Chase."

"Your husband killed a patient and you're breaking up with me."

"You ruined him." I stated angrily. "So he can't even see right from wrong. Can't even see the sanctity of a human life anymore. I loved you." There went the tears. That was the lump at the back of my throat and the stinging in my nose. "And I loved Chase. I'm sorry for you both." I took a breath, my tears just rolling down my cheeks now. "For what you've become. Because... there's no way back for either of you."

I sniffed a couple or times, tried to rain the tears in. I stepped into his personal space and kissed his cheek, then I turned and left his office. I was never going back.

I went home and packed a bag. I hadn't sold my Condo yet, and I was moving to boston. When I was done packing, Chase was sitting on our couch. I came over to him and hugged him goodbye. I cried in his arms then I turned to leave.

I had settled in Boston. I wasn't doing Medicine anymore. I was 27 and I was taking my name back. I was going to start with my divorce. I went back six weeks later and paged for him. Chase came down to the Lobby to meet me and he looked so happy.

I stood from the bench with an envelope in my hand "I was paged?" he asked the receptionist, he hadn't seen me yet. The receptionist pointed me out and he stopped a moment. "What are you doing here?"

"Can we talk somewhere?"

We headed to the clinic, and took in an exam room. We were standing like strangers as far away from each other as possible. "Why won't you sign the divorce papers?" I asked finally.

"It's been on my to-do list. Sorry." He stated.

I sighed. "Will you sign them?"

He shook his head, "Not until we have a real conversation about our marriage."

I rolled my eyes and turned toward the door. "Okay. I made a mistake coming here. I'm sorry. I'm gonna leave... this copy here."

I put the envelope on the exam table and walked out of the room closing the door behind me. But as I was headed out the Security guard locked the door to the clinic I looked around and no one else was at the clinic just me and Chase. The hospital was going into a lockdown and I was trapped with the last person I wanted to be trapped with.. Other than House.

Then the loudspeaker rang out, "Code seven. All non-essential personnel and guests please remain where you are. Security personnel should report to their staging areas and await further instructions. All patients, please remain in your rooms, and use call buttons if you need medical assistance. Please remain calm and wait for hospital personnel to come to you. Do not try to leave your room until the code seven has been lifted. Please clear hallways."

We were locked in, so we talked and talked and talked. There was nothing else to do. In a lull of conversation, Chase whispered. "We were working on it."

"And we failed." I answered sitting on a desk across the room from him.

"No, you had a conversation with House, then came back, informed me I'd been forever poisoned by him, and started packing."

I snorted. "It's interesting how your story leaves out the part where you murdered another human being."

"A dictator who was committing genocide. You thought about doing it yourself."

"But I didn't."

"Right. Because you're not toxic like I am." He sneered.

"What do you think is gonna happen here? You're gonna logic me into coming back?" I asked.

He leaned back hitting his head gently against the wall. I stood up and came closer to him. "Okay, Robert. I will answer whatever questions you want. But then you're gonna have to sign the papers." I finally took off my coat and put it aside to face him.

"Did you ever love me?"

I gasped, "How can you even ask that?"

He moved closer to me, and I to him until we were inches apart. "The first time you slept with me was because you were on crystal meth."

"I was on the drugs because I was emotional. It was the emotions that led to the sex, not the drugs."

"Not true. After that, you refused to let it go further than just sex." he said.

"Because I knew I was falling for you and I didn't want to." I answered.

"And that never changed. You broke off our vacation because I bought you a ring."

"I got cold feet. I'm not proud."

"And then you almost called off our wedding because —"

"Don't"

"— you couldn't give up the idea —"

"Don't!"

"— of having your dead husband's baby."

I snarled. "Don't bring him up!"

"Because even then, you weren't sure about me. Maybe if I was dying when you married me, it would have been a bit different."

I shook my head, "That's not fair."

"It's not only fair, it's exactly the point. He was dying when you met him, and he was gone just a year into the marriage. So it was all a honeymoon with him. And I could never match up to that. The first time reality intruded —"

"Stop this."

"Just tell me the truth."

I sighed, "About what?"

"Did you ever love me?"

There was the stinging in my nose and the lump in my throat again. These men only knew how to make me cry. "I don't know!"

I covered my face with my hands and cried. I didn't know. I don't even know what love is. True love… 'til now.

"Thank you for finally telling me." Chase stated softly and stepped away from me. I let out a sob then turned to grab some paper towels to clean my face.

"How do you look so okay?" I asked.

"I spent months wondering how I made it go bad. If you never loved me, then – then I didn't do anything wrong." I cried again, and he came to me "Hey. Allison, come on. It's all right."

"I still don't know why I said that. It's not even true. I did love you. Just... not in a way that would have ever worked." I sobbed into his shoulder.

"Why not?"

"Because everything you said is true." I answered. "I'm a mess. I married a man I knew was dying. So God knows how screwed up I already was. Him dying messed me up even more. I pushed you out of my life. And I-I'm unfixable." I tried to laugh. "Not you."

"I'm sorry." he whispered.

"I'm sorry too." I whispered. He walked away from me and picked up the envelope. He opened it and pulled out the Divorce papers and signed them.

Then we sat waiting for the lock down to be over. A sense of relief came over me and we talked about what we loved about our marriage and what we would miss about it. Then one thing led to another and we were dancing and then we were fucking.

Finally the lockdown was over and they came to get us. We lay under a blanket on the exam table holding each other. "I should go." I whispered.

"Yeah." He agreed and I put my head back down on his chest and he wrapped his arm around me again we stayed this way just a little longer. One of the best goodbyes I ever had.