Chapter Ten
Hermione watched from a distance as Melok said goodbye to his sons before herding them toward Jeanette and up the stairs toward the nursery at Grimmauld that they'd gotten set up for the Flitwick boys' stay. She sighed heavily as the Goblin turned back toward her, alone. Sirius was at the Ministry today, Lycoris had taken Svetlana out shopping, and Arcturus, she believed, was visiting Orion this afternoon, so she and Melok had some semblance of privacy at present, despite the fact that these days Grimmauld was booming with life.
"For the record," she said as he came close enough to hear her soft tones, "I still think you're a complete prat for doing this."
"Noted," he replied, voice not betraying any emotion at all.
He'd been like that for weeks, employing the Goblin equivalent of Occlumency against her constantly, and not allowing her to read him at all. It was infuriating. "I know there's more to this than you're saying," she whispered, taking a seat at the kitchen table and rubbing her temples. "This is about something more than the war and the need for information. You've been pushing me away, Melok, and I…"
"Yes, I have," he replied, sitting across from her. "For both our sakes, Hermione, I have to. I will never keep you from the boys, nor the boys from you, but you and I need to stop crossing lines. We've become so comfortable with being on the edge of infidelity that we've stopped realizing that the edge of the thing is still dishonorable, for the love of the Gods. Do you not see that?"
She frowned. "How do you mean?"
"Would you kiss me in front of your husband?" Melok asked pointedly. "Or anywhere we could possibly be seen by someone who could potentially tell him about it?"
Hermione hissed in sudden understanding. How had she been so blind? Melok was right. She'd gotten so comfortable with kissing him routinely that she's stopped thinking of it as adultery, the line in her mind being that they weren't having sex. "Shite," she breathed.
"It has to stop," he said gently. "You're not my wife, love, as much as I might wish otherwise. I haven't the right to touch you, to kiss you, to comfort you when you're distraught. Those things are for Sirius to do."
"Melok, I'm not prepared to lose you," Hermione admitted, tears beginning to fall down her cheeks.
He reached out and touched her hand lightly. "You're not going to lose me. Just… this time away will give both of us a chance to remember what it is to not be one another's first call when emotions are high. I will learn to handle things alone as I did before Genia came into my life, and then you, and you will learn to take your hurts to Sirius instead of me. When I come back to London, we'll begin rebuilding our relationship, but it will be a friendship. Nothing more."
She scoffed. "If you are suggesting that your absence is going to make me not be in love with you, you're sorely mistaken."
The Goblin rolled his eyes. "I said nothing about feelings changing. Merely actions. I couldn't stop loving you if I tried, but it takes time to build new habits, and for as much as I love you, and I know you love me… Hermione, we cannot be together. We both know that. To tread the line as we have been doing is only going to cause hurt in the long run. It will hurt us, hurt Sirius, hurt anyone along the way who learns we've been fooling around to whatever degree, and Gods forbid the boys ever learn, because it would hurt them deeply."
Hermione nodded. "I hate it, but I know you're right."
At that, Melok stood, placed a lingering kiss on the inside of her wrist as he inhaled her scent one final time, and then without even looking up at her he strode over to the Floo and a moment later, he was gone.
It took all her self control not to break down and sob as the Floo shut down, the grief of Melok's choice and his departure hitting hard. Still, she knew it wouldn't do for anyone to see her breaking down, so she held herself together, focusing on the reality of Melok's words and what it implied. In short, she'd been having an affair for several years now and not even really comprehending it. She may not have been shagging him, but emotionally speaking she'd been unfaithful up the arse for ages, and in that regard Melok had absolutely been her lover.
It just seemed so natural, to be by his side, taking care of Filius and Caelum. Maybe that was the crux of the issue, Hermione mused. Genia dying when she had meant that Godmother by title or not, she was the only mother that the boys had ever really known, and Merlin knew she loved those boys like they were her sons. That, by extension, made Melok the father of her children, and if she loved him as she did, then of course it would seem strange to not be in a relationship with him.
However, as Melok had pointed out, she was married to someone else. She was married to Sirius, and she did love him as well. He deserved more than an unfaithful wife, and Hermione resolved that going forward she was going to be a better partner to him, and try to bring back that spark they'd had in the beginning of their relationship. It wasn't that she and Sirius fought at this point or anything, they'd just gotten to a point where everything in their relationship was routine, and without much in the way of excitement to draw her in, her attention wandered. Her love didn't fade, but her attention tended to be drawn in to where the most interesting and challenging part of her life happened to be at any given time, and routine was not interesting or challenging.
It was a character flaw, she admitted to herself.
The Floo came to life again and out stepped Svetlana and Lycoris, no doubt loaded down with shrunken packages in their robe pockets. "Good shopping trip?" she asked cheerfully by way of greeting, quickly wiping the tears off her face.
Not quickly enough, however, for her daughter's observational skills. "Alright, who made you cry, Mum?" Lycoris asked, looking irritated. "Was it Father? I can hex him if you like."
"It wasn't your father, I assure you," Hermione chuckled. "Melok just left, and I'm admittedly a bit sad at the thought of not seeing him for several months. That's all."
"I still can't believe he's taking off for that long," Lycoris grumbled, pulling out a chair at the table and sitting. "Not that I mind having the boys around. Merlin knows it's been too long since there have been small children at Grimmauld on a consistent basis."
"Aren't you and Lord Black going to have children of your own, Lady Black?" Svetlana asked.
Hermione chuckled. "For the dozenth time, Svetlana, Hermione is just fine. As for Sirius and I having children, I do believe I have my hands quite full with two Godsons and my extracurricular activities as it is. When would I have the time for children of my own?"
The Floo came to life again. "What is this, King's Cross?" Lycoris drawled.
She was on the verge of being exasperated, but let out a sigh of pleasure when Minerva stepped through the Floo and into the kitchen, their harmonics reaching out and mingling almost at once in greeting, leaving her feeling a sense of calm she desperately needed right now. "Min," Hermione greeted. "What a lovely surprise. Join us."
Minerva raised an eyebrow as she observed the extra at their table, not having been by Grimmauld or seen Hermione since Svetlana had moved in. "Lestrange?" she asked. "Dare I ask what you're doing here?"
"McGonagall," Svetlana greeted in turn. "Evidently I live here now. My family and I had something of a disagreement and I got disowned. I went to Aberforth for help, and Aberforth tossed me on Lady… on Hermione."
The Transfiguration Professor nodded. "I do recall you and Aberforth spending time together, back when we were in school, much as I did. That was why…"
"... we met at the Hog's Head to tutor each other our sixth and seventh years," Svetlana said with a nod.
"You two tutored each other?" Hermione asked, intrigued.
"I was pants at Transfiguration," her houseguest admitted.
"I'd have failed Arithmancy if not for her," Minerva confided, "which I needed to qualify for the level one Transfiguration Mastery program."
"Oh, so you're already friends, then!" Hermione said cheerfully.
"We're…" Minerva began, sounding skeptical.
"Amicable?" Svetlana suggested.
"Amicable," the Scottish woman agreed.
"Amicable," Lycoris said, looking amused. "From the Latin word amicus, which means friend."
Hermione laughed as the two young women looked sour at the call out. "Well done, Cor!" she smirked.
Valentine's Day rolled around and as usual, Minerva was spending it with Orion. It had somehow become their anniversary, by now having been together long enough to warrant marking the passage of time, even if it seemed odd to do so with a man who was not her husband. She'd long ago told her lover that he was not allowed to buy her gifts of any extravagance, and absolutely no jewelry. Aside from the fact that she'd never been the sort to wear much jewelry, she could not afford anyone to find things in her possession that it was unlikely she'd have purchased for herself, and the reality of the matter was she was fairly well known for being too frugal for much in the way of extravagances.
"Have you seen Svetlana Lestrange since she moved into Grimmauld?" she asked Orion, offering him a glass of Firewhiskey.
Orion nearly choked on his drink. "Lestrange is living with my grandparents? How did I miss that?"
"Since Christmas, as I understand things," Minerva remarked, sipping her own drink. "She got herself disowned. I only mentioned because you probably ought to warn Walburga before the next family gathering. I expect she'll be there and you know full well that was seven years of torture for the both of them, sharing a dorm."
"Was a wonder you and Lestrange didn't get on better with the mutual dislike of Walburga," her lover teased.
"We got on well enough, especially as we got older," she mused, lulling her head back as he slid behind her and began kissing her neck. "We even got sloshed together at Aberforth's a few times once we came of age."
Minerva could feel him smile against her skin. "Now there's an idea," he mused, flicking his wand at their two tumblers transfiguring them into four shot glasses. She watched as he filled each with Firewhiskey. "Let's play a drinking game, Min."
She laughed. "What are we, seventeen?"
"Oh come on, it's been an age since I really let loose, and most of the times we get together there's a rush. Tonight we have hours. Let's just enjoy it. It's not as though Walburga will care if I come home a bit tipsy. She'll just assume I ended up at Caspar's, or maybe Andrew's."
"Andrew Longbottom is barely more than a child himself, Orion," she chastised. "I can't believe he's already married with a baby of his own. What's the little one's name again?"
"Frank," Orion replied, handing her one of the filled shot glasses. "Now, never have I ever kissed a girl. And don't fib, Minerva. It's not like you and Lewis were exactly subtle seventh year. A Hufflepuff though?"
She drank the shot. "I didn't realize you knew I swung both ways. Miranda was hardly the first, Orion."
He smirked. "I'm a Slytherin, love. I'm also not a complete dolt. Wasn't there a thing with that Ravenclaw you ran with way back in the day? The one who ended up getting pulled out of school for an arranged marriage?"
Minerva let out a sigh. "Never have I ever engaged in an illicit affair. And that was Ann. Kindly refrain from talking about her if you want to keep me in a good mood."
They both drank, clearly having no room to talk on the subject of affairs, and with a wave of Orion's wand, all four shot glasses refilled. "Sure," he said casually. "Now, let's see. Never have I ever snuck into my Head of House's office after curfew."
"Now I just think you're trying to get me drunk," she laughed, knowing full well he'd never have dared break into Slughorn's office, but she'd broken into Albus' back in the day more than once. "Turnabout is fair play. Never have I ever gotten stuck on the roof of my house because of accidental apparition."
"Oh, bloody hell!" he groaned. "How did you find out about that? I couldn't have been more than six or seven at the time."
"New Years bash," she admitted with a grin, feeling the alcohol beginning to relax her. "Your father was telling your grandmother about it."
Orion looked curiously at his lover. "Why is it that you always insist on calling her my grandmother when referencing her in conversation, but you don't call her Aunt Hermione like everyone else in the family? You'd have call to, you know, given Cedrella made you Edmund's Godmother. You are part of the family."
"I realize that the Blacks have a very calm attitude toward close relatives marrying and so on, but that does bother me a bit," she admitted. "I'd rather not be reminded of the fact that Hermione, who is our age and my friend, is also my lover's grandmother. In my mind your grandmother and my Hermione are two different persons."
Her sanity sort of depended on the distinction, honestly, she mused privately, especially since she and Hermione had shagged.
A few more never have I evers later, both of them were bordering on quite drunk, the impact of the Firewhiskey hitting hard and removing all inhibitions. Alcohol put aside, they migrated to the bedroom of the cabin, already half undressed by the time they got there.
Minerva had to erect Occlumency barriers to keep her thoughts focused on Orion as they began to kiss and touch and continue undressing one another. Hermione's rigorous training in the discipline had made her able to maintain shields regardless of alcohol impairment, knowing that was a situation where many people found themselves compromised. Still, since sleeping with Hermione, she'd struggled in her relationship with Orion, and found great irony that she was using Hermione's bloody training to keep her attention focused on her present lover, and not allow her thoughts to stray back to that intense night with her harmonic equal.
She wasn't in love with Hermione, but did love her. She was in love with Orion. However, Hermione made her feel to a depth that Orion never had, and it was difficult to reconcile those facts. Why could it not be the man she was in love with to whom she had a harmonic connection, or why could she not be in love with Hermione rather than Orion? Why did it have to be one or the other, always leaving her somewhat wanting?
Hermione had supposed it was about balance.
"Min," Orion groaned, tongue preparing her for him. "Merlin you taste incredible."
"Charm," she gasped, fists curling around the sheets, grinning at how lost in the sensation she was.
He nipped at the inside of her thigh and then tumbled toward the bedside where their wands had been deposited, picking up his own. Minerva was not on a contraceptive potion because she wasn't prepared to risk Poppy detecting it in her system and asking why on earth she'd be taking it if she was unwed. It wasn't like the charm was difficult.
The tip of his wand pressed gently onto her abdomen, and he murmured the spell. The bright yellow light flickered a bit before he just tossed his wand across the room. "There!" he said dramatically.
"Did it work?" Minerva asked with a giggle, amused at his antics.
Orion offered her a grin. "I think so. Maybe. I'm honestly seeing two wands right now so who bloody knows."
She grabbed him and pulled him close, letting out a sigh of contentment as she felt him sheath inside of her. "Who bloody cares," she grumbled, just wanting him near. "Come to me, lover."
"All yours, Min," he whispered into her ear, beginning to move. "All yours."
Sirius leaned back in his chair, sipping at his butterbeer as he glanced at Aberforth Dumbledore, James Watson, and Newt Scamander. With as busy as his wife was these days, the four of them had been getting together fairly often to discuss the ups and downs of the Ministry and the Sanctuary and the progress of merging the Department of the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures with Helen Magnus' organization. In the course of the meetings, he'd gotten to be friendly with Newt, as he'd already been with Watson and Aberforth, and the four of them enjoyed socializing once business was finished.
"That bollocks out of the way, lads, tell me what's new," Watson suggested. "Sirius, I hear you and your wife are putting up Melok's sons while he's out of town, not to mention that disowned Lestrange girl."
"Lestrange?" Newt inquired. "I went to school with a Leta Lestrange. She died during the war with Grindelwald, however."
Sirius mentally checked his genealogy. "We've taken in Svetlana Lestrange. They'd have been first cousins. Corvus, Leta's father, and Rostislav, Svetlana's father, are brothers."
"Were, anyhow," Newt commented. "Corvus is dead, too. So that would be Rasputin and Rodion's sister, then."
"Indeed," Aberforth said with a nod. "Rasputin's alright. A moderate. Rodion's a piece of work though, and his wife Jillian is worse."
"Jillian Carrow?" the Magical Creatures expert inquired with a frown.
Sirius nodded. "That whole family is nuts."
"Who did Rasputin marry?" Watson inquired. "I think I'm finally starting to get a hang of the Wizarding genealogy here."
"Takes most of us a lifetime to get right, Watson," Sirius teased. "Not all of us are blessed with your intellect. Rasputin married Prudence Slughorn. Horace's sister."
"Is she as much of a moderate as her brother?" the Sanctuary Head asked.
"The Slughorns typically stay neutral," Aberforth remarked. "They are at the core true Slytherins. They like to keep their options open, so won't go to any side of a political fence decisively if they can help it. Not unless the advantage is overwhelming."
"Not unlike the Zabinis typically are," Newt commented. "So, back to Svetlana. What brought her to your doorstep, Sirius?"
"Disowned," he reported with a shrug.
Aberforth and Watson both offered him knowing looks, the pair having already been briefed on the subject by Hermione. Svetlana Lestrange showing up at Grimmauld Place had been unexpected and intriguing, as not unlike others they'd run across in their time in Beta and here, the name didn't quite match the face. To say the least, when Hermione had walked into his study with his old Arithmancy Professor and introduced her as Svetlana Lestrange it had been a bit mind boggling, as to his memory she was Professor Septima Vector, who'd begun teaching just a few years before he'd begun his education at Hogwarts.
After the young woman had been settled into bed that first night, he'd had to endure one of his wife's everyone bloody lies rants. Granted, she wasn't wrong.
"Good of you and Hermione to take her in," Newt remarked. "I trust she's adjusting well. What about Melok's boys? Are they missing their father?"
Sirius sighed. "The first month was shite. Hermione slept in their room more than with me, to be honest, just trying to keep Filius and Caelum calm. I don't know what the hell Melok was thinking, leaving like this."
"How long has it been?" Watson asked softly.
"More than two months, now," he answered. "He left on the first of the year. It's getting better though. The boys have settled in and we've found a new routine with them. Svetlana is being helpful with them, and of course we've got Jeanette and Anna there during the day. Cor and Arcturus are helping as well. They take the boys out on Saturday evenings so me and Hermione can have some alone time. I can't begin to express how much I appreciate that. Trying to work out a proper thank you for my daughter and son."
"It takes a village, as the saying goes," Aberforth mused. "How are you doing though, my friend? That's a lot of change for you to be dealing with in such a short time. It's a lot of upset to your routine."
"It's less an issue of my routine being upset," Sirius admitted after a pause, "and more one of how seeing Hermione with the boys day in and day out all but confirms what I already suspected - that she's become a Mum to them. She's more than just their Godmother, and if she's Mum, and Melok is Dad, what does that imply about their relationship? Mind you blokes, I respect Melok a great deal and I'm not accusing them of anything sordid, but him taking off like this doesn't make a ton of sense unless he and Hermione are purposefully trying to distance themselves from each other."
"In other words, if they've become emotionally involved," Newt said, understanding in his eyes, "and realize that is no less infidelity and are making an effort to step back."
"Regardless of what they may or may not feel," Watson remarked, "it does seem clear they are both choosing not to act on those feelings. That must assure you to some degree, at least."
"It still hurts, Watson," Sirius replied. "Before me, Hermione had never really done any sort of long term relationship. I'm not suggesting that she's fickle by any means, but monogamy was not something she placed much value in. Socially speaking, if her history was known, she'd be a pariah."
"Has she exclusively been with men?" Newt inquired.
Sirius shook his head. "We're both bisexual. It's part of what drew us together. We both understood what it was to love the soul and not the body."
"A fact that may be biting you in the arse about now," Watson teased.
Newt snorted. "I'm bisexual as well. Tina isn't, but she's well aware of the fact and we have an open arrangement. As long as I'm honest about who I'm with and when, she doesn't have a problem with it. Ultimately, it's her that I'm coming home to and have built a life with and that's enough for her. Perhaps, especially if you and your wife are both bisexual, that may need to be an avenue to discuss."
"We briefly talked about the notion while we were engaged," Sirius confided. "I told her then and I'll say the same now, I'm not sure how alright I'd be with sharing. Even though I swing both ways, I've always been the sort who is with one person at a time. The idea of spitting myself between two, or more, people at any given time is just boggling for me to consider. I know for certain I couldn't do that. I don't know I could maintain in a marriage where my wife was acting in a way I couldn't understand."
"And if the alternative was to lose her?" Aberforth asked quietly.
Sirius stiffened. "There's the rub. I don't know I could live with that either, but am I so selfish to ask that my wife, who went into this marriage and agreed on monogamy, keep that promise? Is it so much for me to want her to not put me in a position where I may have to choose between miserable and miserable? Lesser of two evils is still bloody evil!"
Aberforth rolled his eyes. "What a Gryffindor."
Watson chuckled. "Sirius for Gryffindor, Newt, you were Hufflepuff, Aberforth obviously for Slytherin, and I'd have clearly been a Ravenclaw. We're a full set!"
"If you honestly think Sirius was missorted, yes," Newt grinned.
"Trust me, Newt," Aberforth said with a smirk, "he's a Gryffindor, even if he's playing at being a Slytherin."
"Having a hard time fathoming a Black in Gryffindor," the Magical Creatures expert admitted. "It's unheard of."
"Maybe not Black by name, but my nieces Dorea and Cedrella both married Gryffindors," Sirius pointed out. "When their children get old enough for Hogwarts, I'd be surprised if at least some of them don't go to Gryffindor, even if they're Weasley or Potter by name. They're still going to be Blacks."
"I'm betting little Bella is going to end up in Hufflepuff," Aberforth said with a knowing smirk. "Looking forward to that screwing with your family's sense of reality."
"I take it back," Newt laughed. "A Black in Gryffindor is far more likely than a Black in Hufflepuff. Ravenclaw, I could buy. I think there have been a few of those over the years. Hufflepuff? You've lost your mind."
"Take Bella into Honeyduke's one day," Sirius suggested, nudging Newt playfully. "Then tell me that little imp is going anywhere but the closest house to the kitchens."
All four men laughed merrily.
Later that evening when Sirius got home, he smiled to find Hermione already waiting for him in their bed. "Boys already asleep?" he asked.
Hermione nodded. "I think they're finally getting into a routine. Filius had already taken Caelum to the washroom to use the loo and brush his teeth for me by the time I'd gotten up there. Jeanette and Anna had to leave a bit early today, and Cor and Arcturus are out of town this weekend. Did they say where?"
"Paris I think," he said with a frown. "I remember Arcturus mentioning something about being dragged to the Louvre. You've rubbed off on our daughter, hun. She seems bound and determined to explore the Muggle world in full these days."
"I can't say I'm sorry about that," she replied with a cheeky grin. "How was your time with the boys?"
"Fun. Toward the end Newt, Aberforth and I were just tipsy enough to have a competition on who could piss the furthest in that field across the way. Full bladders from an evening of drinking. Watson refused to participate, although his pompous self did deign to judge."
"Knowing James he threatened you all with bodily harm if you got any on him," she chuckled. "Honestly, drunk men are no better than twelve year old boys."
"I'm not even going to dispute that charge," he laughed. "Aberforth kindly gave us sober-up potions before sending us home. As you can clearly see by my sobriety."
"I figured as much," Hermione replied, rolling her eyes. "Seems like a cheat to me, but I suppose I'd rather that than having you stumble in at Merlin knows what hour, unable to put one foot in front of the other. My boys don't need to see that sort of thing."
"Your boys," he scoffed. "Right. I have to say it's a good bloody thing that Filius and Caelum already look at you like a Mum. If Melok gets himself killed while he's gone, the transition won't be difficult. It's not like they remember Genia."
She frowned. "I'm just their Godmother, Sirius."
He raised an eyebrow. "I realize I'm not as smart as you are and all that rot, Hermione, but I do know what Mernte means. It's not Godmother."
His wife crossed her arms, looking more sad than defensive. "I didn't mean for this to happen. When Genia died, they were just so young and Melok needed the help. Then being there so often became a habit and now it seems ridiculous to do anything other than be a very active part of their lives. I do have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I feel I've crossed a line that will damage them if I try to uncross, but on the other hand, you're right. They have one living parent. If Melok gets himself killed in the course of this war, soon or years from now, it does seem sensible that I establish a close bond to the boys, so the transition would be easy for them. I am Godmother, and they would come to me if something happened to Melok."
"I wasn't debating that," Sirius said, climbing into bed with her. "I don't begrudge it either, hun. I just meant that it seems stupid to just call yourself Godmother when it's clear that you're Mum. Why do you keep correcting the boys when they call you Mernte?"
"I don't know I have the right to claim that title, Sirius," she replied softly, snuggling up against him in the little spoon position. "How awkward would it be if a year or so down the road Melok met someone and she wanted to take that place in the boys' lives? It would be so confusing for them to have their father wanting them to see his new wife as a mother when as far as they were concerned they already had one. What right have I to encourage that mentality?"
"With all due respect to Melok, I don't see that as likely," he said, holding onto her and pressing a kiss onto her bare shoulder. "Melok is a great bloke, don't get me wrong, but I know Goblin culture well enough to know that a Goblin woman won't attach herself to him with a half human child in tow, much less a fully human one, and human women who can see past the Goblin exterior into the man beneath are rare. You know that."
"I do," she said softly. "Melok has said much the same."
"Odds are, Hermione," Sirius pressed, the reality of the matter feeling bitter on his tongue, "you are the only mother they will ever know. It's not fair to two innocent kids that you deny them that on a what if."
What if, he mused, Melok did find someone else? What if, he cringed internally, encouraging this pushed his wife even further into Melok's arms? However, as he'd said, what if wasn't enough of an excuse to deny Filius and Caelum Flitwick the chance to have a mother in their lives. He'd have traded the world if it had meant that Alpha Harry could have grown up with a Godmother who loved him like Hermione loved those two boys. Knowing that, he couldn't in good conscience deny that love to the two small children staying down the hall, now or in the future, no matter how much he feared it would cost him.
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