AN: Changed the last paragraph of chapter 4, it didn't feel right.
Previously: The Sycorax have been stopped and the Doctor has found Ash.
Chapter 5
Gallifreyan Wobbles
—
"There you go. Everything you might want right here." The Doctor says, showing me all the stuff he's put within reach around my bed. At least I'm back in my room. "Look, the table swings over and tilts, and you can push these buttons to raise and lower the shelves. Everything you need. Books, sketchbook, drinks, snacks…" He says demonstrating his latest contraption. He pushes another button and a TV lowers from the ceiling, "The Tardis can play any movie you want."
"Umm, thanks." I say. It feels weird him fussing over me so much. Like I can't take care of myself. At least he's finally taken the time to get dressed. Brown pinstripe suit, and a pair of converse. It's not bad. Different.
"You need to stay in bed for a couple more days, well, three days." He says looking a little apologetic. "It's important for you to rest. I'm giving all sorts of medications and treatments to get you back on your feet as soon as possible, but for them to work, you need to stay in bed." He says, then just sits there staring at me a for a while.
"So I'll be off then, unless there's anything else you can think of you might want."
"No. Think you've covered everything. I just, ummm, no, it doesn't matter. Go back to doing Doctor stuff. I'm fine." Maybe I'm just crazy.
"No. No. Tell me. We're in the Vortex, all the time in the universe to get back to 'Doctor stuff'."
How do I ask this? I fidget around for a while with Stan's arms. Might as well just go for it. "Is it possible to… I mean, how alive is the Tardis?"
"Oh. The Tardis is…" He pauses to run a hand through his hair. "She… Why are you asking?"
"I think I could feel her, when Rose was trying to open her up. I knew she was in pain. But I also knew she thought it had to happen. And when you landed, I could feel… it's like I knew she was worried about you."
"That's brilliant! That's absolutely brilliant!" He says, sitting down on a chair next to the bed. "But I don't think it was me she was worried about." He says, brushing the hair out of my eyes. "You see, the Tardis communicates telepathically. Like I said before, you're changing and as your mind develops she's able to communicate more with you. She wouldn't do that with just anyone though. She's quite picky. She likes you."
"So she's a cat."
"No, she's nothing like a cat. She's 11 dimensional. There aren't words in the English language that are capable of describing her." he says, looking offended.
"Fine, she's an 11 dimensional cat."
"What? No. She… arhh. Get some rest." He says, standing up.
"I'm going to start calling her Scratchy." I holler as he leaves the room. I guess I really am feeling the Tardis. Yay. Not crazy.
—
"It's been three days! I need a change in scenery." I complain as the Doctor walks into my room.
"I know. I know. Let me get this IV out."
"Why do you use IVs anyways? Isn't there some kind of future tech that's faster and better?"
"Faster, maybe. Better, not really. And it's a great way to keep you from moving around too much."
"What!"
"Joking. Mostly. An IV allows your body to absorb things slowly, whether it's a bag or a device from the year 5 billion doesn't make that much difference." He says. "All done. Now you - bath and clean clothes, time for a big adventure. Well, more of a short walk to the console room."
"Exciting!" I say as sarcastically as possible.
"Go. Go. Get a move on. A slow move on, mind you. I'll be here." He says, flopping down on my bed as soon as I've gotten up.
A bath feels so good. Joggers and a jumper sounds nice and comfy, then fluffy socks and attack rabbit slippers. Perfect attire for slowly cruising the Tardis halls.
When I emerge from the bathroom, the Doctor has collected the book I was reading and my sketchbook and coloured pencils.
"Allons Y!" He says. Where does he come up with this stuff?
The walk to the console room is more tiring than I expected. I felt stronger when I was feverish and on the streets. "How come I've felt worse now that I'm back in the Tardis?" I say as I get comfortable on the captain's chair.
"Before, your body was doing what it needed to do to survive, basically cannibalizing itself. Now that you're in the Tardis, survival isn't at stake, so all your energy is focussed on healing, leaving you feeling weaker, even though you're actually getting a lot stronger."
"Oh. What are you doing?"
"Well, I'm going to use some parts from the oscillating reverberator to path the time phase oscillator signal through the friction contrafibulator. Hopefully that'll stop the small artron leak."
"Ah. Right. Of course." I think he just makes up half of what he says.
I don't really know what I want to draw. Guess I'll just doodle, let my mind wander and see where it goes. Hmmm. The Doctor keeps telling me I'm too skinny, but what if someone was just literally skin and bones… but without the bones, who needs bones? Like a picture, metal frame, skin inside… brain in a bucket on the ground. Now that's skinny.
Got the theme: weird human variations. We don't need more than a head right? Just a big head in a jar. What if it could eat through its hair? Big thick dreadlock like hair that's actually feeding tubes full of blood and glucose. How could it talk though? Telepathic. Cool.
So, only skin, only a head, now what? Only the human nervous system. The whole thing though. Would need to be in something, like a robot. Oh. Oh. Yuck. That's just wrong. Nope. Xing that out of existence.
My head hurts. And I kind of want to go lay down again. No! Can't show any weakness or he'll keep me in bed for another week!
"Ahh." I jump as I notice the Doctor looking over my shoulder. He looks like he's just seen a ghost. "What is it?" I ask.
"Where did you see these?"
"What? Nowhere. I was just making stuff up." I say, but he's still looking a pale. "Have YOU seen these before?" I ask.
"That one." He says, pointing to the skinny skin. "Rose and I met her on Platform One. Cassandra. She died." he points to the head in a jar, "That's the Face of Boe. He was on Platform One as well… Did Rose ever talk to you about Platform One?"
"No. I was just making stuff up. You're always saying I'm too skinny and trying to get me to eat more, so I thought, well, what if someone was just skin."
"And the Face of Boe?"
"After just skin, I thought, what about just a head?"
"And what was this one?" He asks, pointing to one I scribbled out.
"That was just a nervous system. It'd need something like a robot suit to survive though. But it just felt way too scary once I started drawing it."
"That's a Cyberman. One of the more dangerous beings in the universe."
"How can they be real? They're not real."
"I don't know." He says while walking around so he's back in front of me. He crouches down and lifts his hands to my temples.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"I want you to think about the Face of Boe, about why you drew it, where the inspiration came from. I'm just going to help direct you a little."
"You're worried about something."
"Nah, just need to rule something out is all." He says. That's a lie. He's definitely worried.
"So I just think about the head in a jar?"
"Yep."
I try to think about what was going through my mind as I started drawing it. I can feel the Doctor. It's weird. A light pressure sort of following my thoughts. I just … I just… It was just there. And now there's Cassandra and a whole bunch of other aliens and Rose and the Doctor and they're all connected by these beautiful patterns, twisting and intersecting and trailing off into space to merge with others and more and more …
"Ash. Ash. Focus on my voice. Breathe." The Doctor says. He's holding me. What? "I pulled you back. Don't follow the lines. Okay. If you see them again, don't follow the lines. Let's get you back to bed."
"No wait!" I say as he picks me up. "I'm not tired. I don't want to go back to bed. I want you to tell me what's going on."
"You're right, not back to bed. Back to the med bay."
"No." I whine, trying to squirm around enough to get him to put me down. Ha! It worked. "Thank you." I say, rubbing my nose and finding blood. Great.
"I can tell you've got a bad headache and your nose has started to bleed. You're going to the med bay"
"No." I totally did not just stamp my foot. Argh, he's so frustrating. And what the hell? This is undignified. He's thrown me over his shoulder. "I don't wanna go to the med bay and I don't wanna stay in bed anymore." I whine while ineffectively slapping his back.
"I know."
As soon as he puts me down on the bed I get right back up and try to leave but he won't let me. "Ash, lay there quietly or I will sedate and restrain you." He says quietly.
One full scan and two vials of blood later, and he's looking as frustrated as I feel.
"This will help." He says, giving me a shot. "Now, let's get you back to bed."
"Wait. What was that? What happened?"
"When you let your mind wander you had visions of the past and then, with my help, you found and started following individual timelines forward into the future. How? I don't know. It shouldn't be possible. We can talk about it later. You need sleep."
—
"I'm full. I don't want anymore." I say pushing the half empty plate away. It's been a week since he gave me that shot, a week of constantly badgering me to eat more and sleep more and…
"You need to gain more weight. Have some more." He says, pushing the plate back in front of me.
"I'm telling you I'm not hungry!" I say sending the plate across the table.
"And I'm telling you you're going to eat!" He yells, catching the plate then slamming it back down. And it's not a normal sort of yell. It's an overwhelming, I'm a 900 year old Time Lord and I will be obeyed, yell. I'm out of here. I push back in my chair and run out the door.
"Ashton!" He roars.
We're in the vortex so I can't just run out the door. Can't hide, the Tardis will tell him where I am. Can't even just keep running; she'll bend the corridor back towards him.
I grab Stan off my bed and go hide at the back of my closet. Useless, but it makes me feel better.
I wish he'd just leave me alone. "Eat now.", "Sleep now.", "Go lay down in the med bay for an hour so I can scan you AGAIN.", "I need to draw some more blood.", "Hang out in the console room with me. I don't want you to be alone." I was alone for months! I can handle a few hours relaxing in my room.
If he'd been chasing me, he'd be here already, so I run out and grab my sketch book. I could draw some flowers. That shouldn't get weird, I hope. Not past or future flowers, just a pretty garden. Or an old, overgrown garden? Maybe he'll leave me alone for a while. Garden, garden needs a shed. And maybe a swing set. Yeah. Swing set… could add a girl…
'Knock, knock, knock.' He's knocking gently on my door. "Ash, I'd like to come in." Doesn't sound angry. Please don't let him in. Please! Just lock the door for a little while. Please!
"Ash, I'm coming in." he says, but I don't hear the door open. Thank you! You're my Bestie! "How is the door locked? The door doesn't lock." he says to no one. Then I hear the buzz of the sonic. "Ah." he pauses. "Ash. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I shouldn't have scared you. Please let me in."
The Tardis is showing me a view of the hall with the Doctor's head and one hand against the door. He doesn't look angry. But... She's trying to convince me it'll be okay to let him in, tells me he could just come in anytime by overriding my instruction to keep the door closed, but he's not. Fine, let him in.
"Thank you." He says. I think I hear him leaning up against something. "Will you come out and talk to me?" Nope. Staying right here. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. It wasn't you… there are things I'm working on that… I was a little annoyed with you not eating, but I let everything else that's been frustrating me out too and I…"
He sighs, then continues, "I scared you and I'm so, so sorry. I lost my temper and threw all my frustration at you. It must have felt huge and scary and I'm so sorry. I would never ever hurt you Ash. Please tell me you know that." He's sitting in the armchair now. I don't even have to look to know he's got his elbows on his knees and hands on the side of his head, running through his hair. I can hear it in his tone.
If I don't say anything, will he go away? I really just want to be alone right now.
"I'll come back in a couple of hours."
—
"Ash?" the Doctor says, knock on my door. "I'm coming in." Whatever. I'm still… I don't know, something. At least I'm not in the closet anymore. I found some clay in my art space and am making little clay marbles and throwing them at the wall. Therapeutic.
He sits down on the bed, leaning against the headboard, and pats the spot next to him. "I've got something to show you, come sit with me."
I throw one last bit of clay at the wall, before walking over and crawling up to sit next to him, arms crossed.
"All the scans and blood work and poking around in your brain I've been doing, it's all been to try to figure out how to help you. But you're really, really complicated, even for my superior Time Lord brain. You were almost 100% human until about three months before we met. At first you even scanned 100% human. Then I found some Gallifreyan wobbles developing in your DNA, and a part of the scan was just a big old blind spot."
"When I focused on the Gallifreyan wobbles I found a mostly Gallifreyan strand of DNA that had been temporally displaced. Absolutely brilliant way of hiding what you are by the way, no idea how they did it. But it got activated and has been wreaking havoc on your mind and body ever since because it's stupid. It's just randomly replacing bits of your human DNA."
"If you were younger, you might be able to tolerate it better, but your brain is physically not plastic enough anymore to adapt. And the blind spot, well, I thought it could be anything, well not anything, but lots of things but there isn't much the Tardis can't identify, almost nothing really."
"So I thought, what if you're part Tardis and she's just hiding it from me for some reason. And you are! Well, sort of. You share some DNA with the coral used to grow Tardis' and I have no idea if that's helping or not." He monologues, occasionally pointing out something on the tablet he pulled out of his pocket. "Any questions?"
"Am I dying?"
"What?! No! Not on my watch. Why would you think you're dying?"
"Doesn't matter." I answer, shrugging.
"Rose again?"
"I keep getting sicker." I say, ignoring the question. "And you said I was too complicated even for a Time Lord."
"Hey! Not too complicated, just very complicated. I'm close. And until then, we'll just keep treating the symptoms and slowing the progression down." He says. He's trying to sound really sincere and optimistic, but he's probably lying. I mean, what would he say if I was dying? The exact same thing.
"It would help to know what happened before we met, what triggered your DNA."
"You looked in my stuff and found my name. You must have looked me up. Why ask if you already know?"
"I did, but I'd like to hear it from you." He says. Nope. Not talking about this. I stand up and walk over to the steps to the loft.
The Doctor sighs, "Okay then, you are Elizabeth Ashton Davies, found on Havannah Street, Cardiff, February 3, 1996. Non-verbal. No family. Assumed to be 3-4 years old. Date of birth set as February 3, 1992."
"You lived with 5 different foster families in the last 9 nine years. Considered for adoption but rejected by three different couples. Removed from one home after arriving at school with an untreated broken arm."
"Stop!" I yell. I've got my hands over my ears, but I can still hear him. Just stop! Please.
"You were in the last home for 3 years before there was a fire. Disappeared from the hospital while being treated for mild smoke inhalation, about three months before I found you. Ashton, I need to know what happened in the fire."
"I don't want to remember!" I say. Stan and I are curled up on a stair leaning against the wall. Please just go away. Go away. Of course he doesn't. Stupid Doctor. Can't ever leave me alone.
He walks over, crouches down on the step below me, reaches out an arm and starts gently rubbing circles around my temple. "Ash, Think back to the day of the fire and play it like a movie in your head. You're not there. It happened to someone else. It's just a story…"
"No… I don't know… I woke up and I could hear Jamie crying in the room next door. He was only four. There was so much smoke. But I found his room and opened the door. He was on the other side of his bed, against the wall. He wouldn't come to me. I called him, but he was too scared."
"The smoke, it hurt to breathe. And my skin was all prickly. So hot. The walls were on fire. I started walking towards him, but he cowered away from me. I saw my reflection in a mirror; my eyes were glowing. Then I picked him up. He'd passed out."
"I couldn't make it back through the house so I carried him to the window and jumped. I tried to turn so he'd land on me instead of the ground, but I don't remember. I woke up in the hospital and Jamie was dead but I was fine. My clothes had burned off me, but I wasn't hurt at all, and everyone was being weird about it, so I ran." I finish, sniffling and rubbing the tears from my eyes.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." The Doctor says, moving to sit next to me and wrapping an arm around my shoulder. I leaned my head into his shoulder and we just sat there.
—
I'm pretty tired again today, but instead of making me stay in bed, the Doctor and I are going to watch a movie in the media room. Huge screen. Popcorn. Comfy seats. Great sound. It's amazing.
"So what do you want to watch?" He asks.
"You pick."
"Lion King it is then. Get settled and I'll grab us some popcorn and drinks."
Unlike a normal theater, the seats are two seaters, and I've barely settled into my side when the Doctor gets back, popcorn, drinks and a blanket in hand. After tossing the blanket on me, he sits down and tells the Tardis to start the movie.
I'd never seen The Lion King before and I was really enjoying it until Scar finds Mufassa dangling from the cliff.
"No! You can't!" I yell at the screen. I just know this is going to end badly. I grab the Doctor's arm, lean over and bury my head into his chest. "I can't watch!"
He laughs at me, laughs! frees his arm and wraps it around me. "I'll let you know when you can look again."
After I stopped crying for poor Simba, the rest of the movie was good. Hakuna Matata was definitely my favorite bit.
—
Oops. I'm guessing the Doctor is going to have noticed that rather large explosion. I was just trying to take apart an old sonic the Tardis led me to. The Doctor won't let me have one. How else am I supposed to figure out how to make my own?
"ASH!" The Doctor yells as he skids through the door and into the lab I've been using. That was fast.
"I'm fine. I'm fine. Nothing to see here."
"Fine? You're fine? The room is on fire!"
"Barely."
"Barely! The words 'barely' and 'room on fire' don't belong in the same sentence. What did you do?"
"Ummm…" I say as he grabs a towel and picks the smoldering remains of the sonic up off the floor.
"How did you get this?"
"Ummm… theTardismighthavehelped."
"She what?" He says, incredulous. He looks up at the ceiling, "She could have killed herself." He yells. "No, no, no, no, putting out the fire quickly does not make it okay!" He finishes before turning on me, "Do you understand how dangerous disassembling a sonic screwdriver can be?"
"That's why I was being careful."
"Oh, yes, very careful." He says pointedly looking around at the destruction and chaos all around before settling on my torn and soot covered shirt. Great.
"It's fine. Barely hurts."
He's got veins pulsing on his forehead and a very, very clenched jaw as he scans me. And now he's dragging me off to the med bay by my uninjured arm. "You were supposed to be resting in your room."
"I got bored." I say, but all I get in return is a glare.
Silent eons later, he's patched up my arm and he tosses me a clean shirt. I jump down and go to leave, but he puts a hand on my shoulder and leads me to what I guess is his study. He sits down at his desk and starts writing something on a piece of paper while I just stand there.
Finally finished writing, he pulls a small table over to one of the chairs in the room, places the paper on the table, and sits me down in the chair.
Curious, I start reading, "I will not perform experiments, disassemble technology, or use technology I don't understand unless I have the explicit permission of the Doctor. I understand that permission from the Tardis is NOT the same as permission from the Doctor."
"You're making me write lines? You can't be serious. This is stupid."
"Yup, about as stupid as you thinking you should just randomly mess around with technology you don't understand." He says. "And read it back to me each time you finish one."
He sits back down at his desk and props his feet up. Pointing the sonic at the door, he closes and locks it, before picking up a book and starting to read.
"But, but… how many?"
"Until I get bored."
—
The Doctor and I are finishing up our ham sandwiches in the kitchen, and he keeps looking at me weird. "What?" I ask.
"Nothing."
"You're looking at me funny."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"How are you feeling today?" He asks. I win!
"Pretty good. That last shot seems to be working."
"Brilliant! I want to try something." He says, standing up and handing me the psychic paper before taking the dishes to the sink.
"What do you want me to do?"
"Think about your name appearing on the paper."
"Okay. Easy." and boom, it's there and in a much nicer cursive than I can do.
"Hand it to me and start walking around the table."
"Okay?" This is getting weird.
"Without letting your name fade." He says, as my name fades from the paper. Ohhh, that's harder. I get it back on and try to concentrate on maintaining it and walking around the table.
"Ha! Did it."
"Yep. Now do the dishes without letting it fade."
I get started, "Too easy." I say. Then he takes away the paper.
"Keep your name on the paper without looking at it." He says. Okay. This is going to be a lot trickier.
"You lost it. Try again.", "Gone again.", "And again." This is infuriating. But I do finally get through the two cups, two plates and knife. I turn around to find the Doctor scanning me.
"How do you feel?" He asks.
"A little tired. Why am I doing this? I mean, it's kind of fun, but I bet you have an ulterior motive."
"Wellll, maybe." He says, flipping his sonic in the air and catching it. "Your mind is a bit like a muscle. Giving it a bit of a workout should help. We just need to make sure you're not overdoing it."
—
The Doctor's bouncing around the console. Haven't seen him this hyper in a while. What's he planning?
Turning to me he says, "So… Gained weight, check. Not needing naps, check. No headaches or nosebleeds, check. What do you say we go pick up Rose and head out on some adventures?"
"Yeah, that'd be great." I say trying to sound enthusiastic. I know he really misses Rose. Maybe I can just stay out of their way?