Total Drama Fandom Action!

by HotTailor9687

After the roaring success of the first multiversal season of Total Drama, Chris McLean gathers eighteen new contenders for the title and one million dollars! Percy and Annabeth enter as the first pair of contestants, Leslie from TAWOG thought she signed up for RuPaul's Drag Race and Neville Longbottom has no idea how he got here! Who among these eighteen aspirants will win it all?

3. Leslie's Drag Race

Last week on Total Drama Fandom Island…..

They were still distraught over Sherb's elimination, but the sixteen remaining campers knew it was no time to mope around. They gathered around the mess hall over breakfast to talk strategy and general moods. "The third challenge last season was a twist. "Three is an auspicious number in Ancient Greece," lectured Annabeth. "We should be preparing for a curveball"

Alfred agreed. "Yes, ma'am. I'll take baseball over whatever the hell happened last week any day!"

"But, dude," said Natsu. "That challenge was literally so fun! I just wish I got the chance to punch that alien jellyfish in the face myself!"

Natsu: Alfred and I have really gotten to know each other so well and bond together. We just get along so well.

Alfred: We're just gonna be best bros till the end!

Leslie joined the conversation. "I, for one, hope we get to do something more theatrical for a change. I did not sign up for killer games or aliens in the Wild West!"

"Hear, hear!" said Squidward.

"I do like a little bit of performance," Jessie admitted.

Natsu scoffed. "Oh, and what? You're gonna turn into some dancing diva and send everyone packing?"

"Try not to snap that stem of yours in the process!" laughed Alfred.

She done already done had her million dollars!

Leslie's neck snapped 180 degrees at the sound. Chris emerged from the doorway in an extravagant, campy outfit that words in a fanfiction cannot hope to describe.

"Hello, hello, hello campers!" he yelled.

Leslie: What the mulch is going on here on this day?

"I'm sure you guys are dying for a break after running the Squid Games and Jean Jacket, so for our third challenge, I was thinking let's do a fun, down-to-Earth challenge: Drag Race!" Jesslieward screamed. Alfred and Natsu stared at each other nervously. The other campers had reactions between those two extremes.

"For this week, like last season's episode 3, all teams are temporarily dissolved! You will compete individually in an episode that will encapsulate the essence of RuPaul's Drag Race! Of course, I know next to nothing about the finer things about this show, so to help me out, I invited a special guest! From Return to the Island, welcome back our runner up, Bowie!"

Bowie walked in, looking like a young RuPaul himself. "Hello, hello, hello and thank you for having the sense to invite me, Chris! This is a theme that can make or break the ratings, coz if the community don't like the session, henny, they'll have the ratings gutted. But if they do like the session, Total Drama's gonna crystallize into a Glamazon, ready to snatch all the Gemmys!"

Chris rubbed his hands gleefully. "I like the sound of that, Bowie!"

"Mm-hmm, and I'm here to make sure it all goes as planned, so get ready to have a co-host for this episode!"

"I'm willing to do that, just once!"

Chris: At least it's not Blaineley, can I get an amen?

"First things first, I need y'all to prepare your drag personas and whatnot. Since the majority of you have about as much drag knowledge as Santino, please refer to the YouTube video on the TV screen to give you guys the idea"

Chris coughed. "Also, we've turned the dressing room into a respectable Werkroom! You'll have all the needed materials to pull off the looks needed to win this week's challenge!"

Jesslieward eschewed the video and proceeded to the Werkroom. They oohed and aahed at the newly-refurbished pink room. Instead of RuPaul and the alumni, the room was dotted with pictures of Chris in racy poses and Total Drama legends like Courtney, Leshawna and Heather in beautiful outfits. The accessories, however…

"These are just the old old movie props!" yelled Squidward.

"I guess we'll have to make like Ivy Winters and make trash beautiful…" said Leslie

"I'm good at that!" said Jessie. "Let's go, Jesslieward!"

The intercom blared: Campers! Prepare your drag names!

"I'm Alyssa Squidwards, and I need I need I need I need I NEED that challenge win!"

"I'm Jessalina! Prepare for trouble and to gag on my Pokemon extravaganza!"

"I'm Leslie Flowers, a conceptual queen, and I'm here to bring the flower power!"

Leslie began unpacking their drag outfits. Jessie was stunned. "You brought all your outfits?!"

"Remember, I originally thought I signed up for RPDR"

"Come through the house down, I guess," muttered Squidward, who would have to make something from scratch. FAST.

Squidward: I know Leslie's feeling their oats right now, but this is NOT their big break at the big time. It's MINE

"Alright, bring in the rest of the competition!"

They came in the same order as the original entrances:

"I'm Persassy Stonewall Jackson, and this fresh tilapia is…. Seasoned"

"I'm Palace Athena, your one-stop shop for sensational seams!"

"Y'all thirsty? Here comes La Mer…mista!"

"I got a kill bill to pay. Call Me O-Reagan Fishy!"

"Almond Milk, she does a body good, gurl"

"So this is what drag looks like… Myrtle Moan is in the building!"

"Halleloo! Momo Creati Wadley is ready for action!"

"Put your lighters up! Alyssa Dow Jones is in da haus! AAAEEYOW!"

"Never fear, Wendy Drag-neel is here to save the day!"

"Go Yana, Baiana, banana, Fo'fana, Miss Teddy, Kaczynscki Brown! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!"

"See, this is how drag is done, ladies. Look at Toshibee!"

"I'm Tylie Mattel, and this doesn't look like Barbie's playhouse…"

"Hieee! I'm Alphyska Thundertail!"

"Oop, they understood the assignment," said Leslie, eyeing the other campers. "Y'all are gorgeous. I thought half of you would mess up, really"

Reagan tilted her head. "There was a little pause, like: 'Y'all are ahem, gorgeous"

"Except I don't cough like a man,"

"OOOOOOP" went the others.

"Hello, hello, hello!" Bowie and Chris entered the room.

"So now that all of you are lookin' like a bunch of circus freaks, I think we're ready to start!" said Chris excitedly. "What you got planned for these guys today, Bowie?"

"Well, Chris, I think you'll like the first challenge! I find it very apropos to start today's episode with the Reading Challenge! Hear that, ladies? The library is officially open! Because reading is what?"

"FUNDAMENTAL!" screamed Leslie.

"Chris, pick somebody to go first!"

"I think Jessie will get us to a good start!"

Jessie stepped forward. Bowie gave her a magnifying glass for her to "read" the other campers.

"Miss Raze. Now you guys might not have heard that Raze is one of the top robotics experts in the world… because she's not. She's not even the best in her relationship!"

Raze: Ha! I love it!

"Miss La Mer Mista! Living proof that seafood diets don't work!"

"Annabeth Chase. Does that name refer to your endless chasing of men who are probably gonna be a bad influence for you?"

Annabeth: I'll give her credit, I didn't think her brain was capable of shade

Chris guffawed. "I love it! Persassy!"

Percy stepped up. "Alright… Alphys, you know, being a monster, I was worried thinking I had stabbed you with Riptide the other day, then I realized you weren't turning to dust… that's just your dandruff"

"Neville Longbottom. You know, you learn a lot in the communal showers, like how your surname is the biggest case of false advertising in herstory"

"Natsu Dragneel. You know, I would like to thank you for your service to me… by existing and making me look smart in comparison. Y'all, Natsu is so dumb, he thought Gray Fullbuster was his best friend"

"Alright! Next up, Alphys!"

"Oh dear… Natsu? You really put my girlfriend to shame because every week is Shark Week with your mug!"

Leslie: Whooo! Get her, Jade!

"Toshi, you know how there's a name for when Japanese people are disappointed by how Paris looks? What's it called when an otaku is disappointed by how a Japanese person looks?"

"Neville? I know we're both nerds, but the difference is I have a job and you still live in your Nana's basement"

"She's a bitch in lizard's clothing, y'all!" said Bowie. "Let's have Toshi next!"

Toshi stepped up. "Neville, is your barbeque canceled? That grill is FUCKED!"

"Alfred, you know I think your teeth stand for your demographics: I see white, brown, yellow and black!"

"Percy Jackson. The man, the myth, the legendary, but what I'm getting is all leg no derriere!"

Percy: It's true. I'm flatter than day-old beer. Now Jason, on the other hand, got himself a bakery

"A ninja assassin," said Bowie. "Can't wait to see your lipsyncs! Alright, next, Raze!"

"Alfredzinho. You know, I thought I'd seen the fastest firing guns in VALORANT but then you opened your mouth"

"Mermista, my sistah. How's it like competing in Percy's shadow?"

"How's it like competing in Jett's?" asked Mermista.

Leslie: Oop! Our first comeback!

"Annabeth Chase. You know, you remind me so much of meu amor Killjoy…. So Percy, watch out!"

Bowie clapped. "Three goals for the Baiana! Let's go, Mermista!"

"Jessie. I've heard of the phrase 'dumb as a rock', but I admire how iconic you are to change that to 'dumb as a Rocket'"

"Squidward Tennisballs, you know, the biggest mystery for us ocean dwellers is how you manage to stay on the ocean floor with all that silicone in your nose?"

Squidward: My suction cups work overtime, so I smear them with La Mer every night. I'm freaking Squidward Tentacles, bitch!

"Annabeth Chase, got any tips for dating a man with exactly one brain cell? I happen to have one at home, too"

Bowie clapped slowly. "A mistress of the read. Let's have Neville!"

Neville took a deep breath. "Alfred Jones. I now understand why we Brits call America the unwanted child"

"Toshi? Mahoutokoro called… They're looking for their missing kappa"

"Leslie. Now, I've had plenty of experience dealing with plants and you're known as… to borrow an expression from the Americans, a 'swipe left'"

"Oop, the Brits did not come to play! Momo!"

"Leslie, they say every rose has its thorn. We should start saying every Leslie has its busted makeup"

"Mermista, knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"The title of Sea-Ra"

"I don't get it"

"Exactly!"

"Almond, I love how you're like the big bro… I love how you're like a fath… I love how you're like a grandfather for your team"

"Thank you, Momo!" said Bowie. "Now, remember, it's not personnel, it's…"

"DRAG!" yelled Leslie.

"Exactly! Alfred Jones, square up!"

"Now y'all, I just smoked some pot before this started, so you know I'm flying as high as Almond's receding hairline, okay?"

"So, I spend most of my time in Dallas, Texas, now y'all, it's very dry, it's kinda like your feet, Ty Lee!"

Ty Lee: I DO have dry feet (laughs). I forget to moisturize when Mai's not around to nag me about it"

"Annabeth Chase. Living proof that when a blond ain't dumb, she picks a hubby who'll compensate for it"

"Nicely done! Now, for Ty Lee!"

"Now, guys, much like Dawn from season four, I can read auras. Alfred, you are the textbook definition of a little thing we call… compensating"

"Momo? Yes, your honkers DO have their own auras"

"Leslie. Now, flowers have beautiful auras"

"Mm-hhm"

"What the heck happened to yours?!"

"I think it's time for Annabeth"

"Leslie. I'd like to ask a question to the god that made a flower like you… Why?"

"Mermista. You truly embody the oceans. You're strong, silent, and got a bed of crabs on your bottom"

"Raze. Damn, I didn't expect to enter the Leoverse, but here we are"

"As expected of the daughter of the goddess of reads. Let's go, Squidward!"

"Alfred F. Jones. You know, you should take me to those UN meetings, so I can give a seminar to those countries on how to deal with annoying yellow idiots"

"Mermista, let me ask you a very fair question: What do you do successfully that Percy doesn't already do? Quickly"

"Leslie,my beautiful little blossom, your drag reminds me of one of my best works: Bold and Brash"

"That wraps it up for the Whales! Let's go, Reagan!"

"America, oh America. If you're gonna elect clowns and start a circus, make sure the clowns are funny, okay?"

"Squidward Tentacles. You know sometimes, a 'conspiracy' is simply a harsh truth. Like the conspiracy theory that says you have no talent"

"Leslie. Myc said you're adopted"

"Almond boutta die, so let's give him his turn, okay?"

"Alfred Jones. I know you like to live your Sam Spade fantasy but you're about as sharp as a Stay Puft Marshmallow"

"Squidward. You remind me of a two-faced bartender I met at a run down restaurant in LA… He was the murder victim in that case"

"Annabeth Chase. I know you trust that sharp mind of yours to slide you past any challenge. But, kid, even Irene Adler and Lynn Bracken got booked, eventually…"

"Natsu! You've got some dragonslaying to do!"

"Percy, do you like saunas? Coz you're about to be one when I'm done with you"

"Alfred, my brother, they say when there's smoke, there's fire. But I learned that's not true. Sometimes, there's just an elderly pothead in the corner"

"Neville Longbottom. The Boy Who Could've Been. Or as I like to call him, "Thank God Voldemort chose Harry"

"Nice roast! Now, to wrap it up, here's Leslie!"

"Lemme introduce y'all to the cast of Monsters Incorporated! Starring Neville's teeth, rotted! Squidward's nose, gutted! Alphys' face, Gila Monster! Which brings us to Miss Jessie of Haus Rocket… ULTRABEAST!"

Bowie clapped. "Bravo, ladies! You really read each other for filth! Now, Chris, I think it's time we deliberated WHO is the winner of the Reading challenge!"

"Oh, Bowie, I think it's clear to me!"

"Oh, really?"

"Squidward Tentacles, you are our Head Librarian!"

Squidward: See? It's my turn in the spotlight. Sorry, Leslie, Mama's here to collect that crown

"Alright, so we're done with reading," said Chris. "This is really fun, I should've done this thing seasons ago. What's next, Bowie?"

"Oh, henny, we're about to reveal the first part of our main challenge! I decided to really encapsulate the Ru experience, we needed to have an all-out LIPSYNC LALAPARUZA!"

Leslie: Oh my photosynthesis, I need to get my slay on, bitch. Did I bring the ruvealable cowboy boots?! They never see it coming, okay?!

"Sounds awesome," said Natsu. "How's it played?"

Bowie adjusted his tie. "First, there are sixteen of you, so for our first round, you will battle it out in pairs to end up with our Top Eight! The Lalaparuza will make up 40% of your total score this week, so you betta werk, bitches!"

"Squidward, as the winner of the mini-challenge, you get to pick who goes first!"

"Okay, I really wanna see Mermista right now"

"Ugh, you shady squid," groaned Mermista. "Fine, I'll go first"

"Alright! Mermista, choose your opponent,"

"Hmm, Annabeth, I think"

Annabeth: Oh, girl, it is ON

Chris continued the spiel. "So, for now, we'll show you the eight songs you'll choose from! Annabeth will pick the song. Chef! Show us the choices!"

Chef nodded in the control room. "Y'all, all the songs you'll need for this thang are in my Spotify playlist already!"

Phone - Lizzo

This is How We Will End It - Aleheather

Dirrty - Xtina

Hot n' Cold - Katy Perry

Boys Don't Cry - Anitta

Bo$$ Bitch - Doja Cat

Womanizer - Britney Spears

Livin la Vida Loca - Ricky Martin

Squidward: This playlist took me back to high school, bitch

Annabeth pondered the list. "Mmkay, I think I'll go with Anitta"

Bowie clapped his hands. "Alright! Ladies, get on that stage and assume the positions! But first, let's introduce our judges for tonight!"

"Of course, our host with the most Mr. Chris McLean, is here!"

"I'm living for this," said Chris. "Dudes, I don't understand half of what Bowie's saying, but if this is what viewers want, I'm here for it"

"Miss Gemmy herself, give it up for Mildred Visage!"

Blaineley waved and cringed. "Excuse me? I'm almost a decade younger than Michelle!"

"You being in the same yearbook as her says otherwise"

Leslie: AND I OOP

"I will be the RuPaul of the night, since all y'all got no-drag knowledge mouths, okurr?"

"And, I got us the two perfect guest judges! Welcome back from the Ridonculous Race, it's Tom and Jen!"

"We are so stoked to be here!"

"We can't wait to gag on the eleganza!"

"And read their outfits to filth,": reminded Tom.

"You guys better watch out! Tom takes no prisoners!" said Jen.

"To give you an idea of how lipsyncs work, watch this video featuring Leshawna and Heather!"

Let's go to the beach, beach, let's go get away

Leshawna was prancing and voguing wile Heather looked like a posing supermodel

Starships, were meant to fllyyyyy.

Leshawna was doing splits and kicks and contortions while Heather was just walking to and fro while taking her clothes off.

"Trust Leshawna to deliver," said Blaineley. "She really improved her dancing after that training in WeHo! She's set to be the next big (haha) thing in the hip hop scene! Look out, Megan!"

"Two queens stand before me," said Bowie as Annabeth and Mermista positioned themselves on the stage. "Do you wanna say it, Chris?"

"Sure, uh, Good luck, and don't fuck it up!"

Sometimes I call you when I can't sleep…. Alone

Annabeth twirled, Mermista did pantomime while swaying her hips

In your feelings, I can feel it, you're in your feelings

Annabeth pranced while Mermista twirled onstage

It drives you crazy, trying to tame me

Mermista did dramatic poses

But nobody's taking control over me….

Annabeth did a backflip, to massive applause and cheering

Annabeth: See that, Mermista?

Mermista: Okay, she's good… ugh, might need to take things to the next level… (tries to pull leg up)

Who says boys don't cry?

Mermista's kicks failed one after the other. To add insult to injury, Annabeth shimmied next to her and did a flawless kick that made her foot go over her head

Annabeth: My mother always told me war was a dance. An art. That's what I'm trying to serve you guys tonight

Leslie: Wow, I have never seen murder on the runway quite like this, bitch, Annabeth is a fucking warrior!

Percy: Did she really have to kill her like that?

"Whoo!" Bowie squealed. "It's clear to me who won. Annabeth! You get to pick the next fighter! Welcome to the top eight!"

"Nice! I choose, haha, Reagan!"

"Oh, you shady blond bimbo!"

"Reagan, select an opponent"

"Ty Lee"

Leslie: What?! This is lipsync seppuku, has she not seen what that bitch can do with her joints? Onkles on permanent cleek, mawma!

Reagan: I need to prove myself as a team leader and take out the fierce competition first!

"Ty Lee, select a song"

"Gee, I don't know any of these. Uh, Percy, any suggestions?"

Percy smiled. "Dirrty"

"Alright, I'll go with Dirrty"

Ladies, move! Gentlemen move! Ring the alarm! And I'm throwing elbows

Reagan did a little dance while Ty Lee twirled

Ooh, I'm overdue, gimme some room, coming through

Reagan did some silly jumps and kicks, while Ty Lee tumbled into a graceful head toss

Come on girls, get your boys, make some noise…

Reagan jumped and pumped her arms, while Ty Lee whipped her ponytail

It's about time for my arrival

Ty Lee backflipped… into a split, that completely left everyone shook.

Leslie: What did I tell you? Miss Ty Lee isn't serving dirt, she's serving the entire Pittsburgh sewage system, bitch! Ooh, I'm gonna have to go against THAT at some point…

What to do when the music, starts to drop

That's when we take it to the parking lot

And I bet you somebody's gonna call the cops

Uh oh (uh oh) Here we go (here we go)

Reagan gave a campy rendition of a Xtina vocal run, while Ty Lee twirled her ponytail even harder and faster, following up with another backflip.

"I am gagged," said Tom. "I have never been more gagged in my life"

"Reagan's a good campy queen, but she really lost this" said Jen

Leslie: You need to know what a song is asking you to serve. Dirrty calls for body, not camp!

"Reagan, sashay away for now. Ty Lee, pick a player!"

"Ooh, goody! I wanna see Squidward perform!"

Squidward grinned widely. "I can't blame her. Oh well, it's time I gathered these children. I pick… Alphys"

Leslie: Really queen? And I thought Loosey picking Spice was a copout

Alphys was scared. "Oh, Leslie, what am I going to do?! I don't know much about lipsyncs!"

Leslie felt pity for their teammate. "Girl, you need to let loose! Pick Phone by Lizzo and give them something to laugh at!"

Alphys gathered her resolve. "Okay! I pick Phone!"

To say that Squidward absolutely slaughtered Alphys was putting it kindly. The yellow lizard girl's campy portrayal of a woman looking for her missing phone just didn't have the X factor it needed to be funny. Squidward on the other hand served eye pops, twirls, vogueing, duck walks and a weird wavy limb dance that left the judges raving.

"Alphys, sashay away. Squidward, pick a player"

Alphys ran crying to Leslie. "Hush now, bestie, you fought a good fight. Let Mama Leslie avenge you, okay?"

Leslie: I really hope I don't have to actually fight Squidward. He's my good Judy. But I can't let Alphys down, either. Argh! I've had it, officially!

Squidward picked Almond, who picked Raze

Almond: These feet ain't what they used to be. Might as well let Raze get the win

But when Raze picked la Vida Loca, something awakened in the old cookie..

Upside, inside out! She's livin la vida loca!

Almond served a very sensual dance that saw him swing, turn and jive all over the stage, meanwhile Raze did impossible backbends and contortions. Almond upped the ante by getting on the judges table and making like Magic Mike, taking his coat off and teasing the removal of his undershirt as well.

"Holy Cher, bitch! That's what I'm talking about!" yelled Bowie.

"I didn't think Almond had it in him!" said Chris

"Neither did I, oww my back," groaned Almond.

"That's the energy we look for in a lipsync," said Bowie. "Judges? Wouldn't you say this merits a double shantay?"

Leslie: This has lit my roots on fire, Almond pulled a Chad Michaels. He's everything I wanna be when I'm 64!

"Almond and Raze, who goes next?"

They looked at each other and nodded. "Natsu!"

"YOU SHADY LITTLE… Oh my stars, I'm pumped! Alright, Percy, get your butt over here!"

"I got the perfect song for this tango… Hot n' Cold"

If Alphys's performance was a flop, Natsu vs. Percy was a disaster. Percy didn't actually know the words to the Katy Perry song, neither did Natsu, and Natsu attacked Percy several times with his fire spells, which Percy dodged and parried while attempting and failing to lipsync.

Someone, call the doctor!

Leslie: No, seriously, call the doctor, this is garbage, mawma

"Wow," said Bowie. "I have never seen a train wreck like that"

"Natsu, drag is not a contact sport. I'm sorry boys, but neither of you turnt it up. Double Sashay away!"

"Er, Raze? Pick another player, preferably one that won't flop"

Raze picked Jessie, who picked Toshi who picked "Womanizer". The Team Rocket agent slaughtered the nerd with a dizzying display of twirls, dips and splits. Jessie picked Momo, who picked Neville who picked "This is How We Will End It". In the end, Momo's Heather was remotely more convincing that Neville's Alejandro, and Neville sashayed away.

Finally, it was down to Alfred vs. Leslie, to the tune of Bo$$ Bitch

Leslie: Finally, I get to send a message to all these bitches!

Alfred: Looks like somebody's about to get pruned!

Mmm, I ain't tryna, I ain't tryna

Ain't tryna be cool like you, wobbling around in your high heel shoes

Alfred spun and pranced. Leslie served face and vogued.

I don't wanna go go go with the flow, backbend til I touch my toes

Leslie bent over backwards, and did an Exorcist walk towards the judges. Tom screamed.

Alfred ran over to Leslie and tried to leap over them, but his jump was so weak, he barely closed the distance between them and fell flat on his face

Percy: FREE WILLY! HAHAHAHAHA!

Said I took it and I ran for it

Alfred pranced some more, twirling and vogueing. Leslie then did a split, shattering their flowerpot and revealing their thick, knobby roots

"YOU BETTA WERK, BITCH!" yelled Bowie, genuinely gagged.

I run it now I stand on it

Alfred was now duckwalking, Madonna walking, just about any walking that could help him salvage the fight.

I'm a bitch, I'm a boss and I shine like gloss…

Leslie did a helicopter split while Alfred dipped.

"Leslie, you were planted to do drag. Shantay you stay"

Leslie: (crying) I have entered my Jorgeous era, bitch!

"Whoo! Oh my God! Well, there you have it, folks! Annabeth, Ty Lee, Squidward, Almond, Raze, Jessie, Momo and Leslie are moving on to the next round. For now, let's take a breather!"

They were back in the werkroom, working on a project. The runway was themed "Island Met Gala". The challenge was to take the outfits of the original 22 campers and turn them into Met Gala-worthy looks.

The Rockets chattered amiably, comparing their works. Jessie was teaching Reagan and Raze to sew. Jessie was going to turn out a Heather look beat for Arceus. Raze chose to remodel Katie's outfit while Reagan was designing a look for Courtney.

"This is fun!" said Raze. "There's no explosions, but I love putting together all these pretty colors"

The boys were having a harder time.

"Man, I wish we really hadn't bullied Leslie earlier. Karma bit us in the behind" muttered Alfred.

"Chill, dude, we can still win. We just gotta figure out how to sew these."

Natsu was making a look based on Tyler, Alfred's on Justin and Almond was going for gold with a Chris McLean look.

The Whales were working well: Squidward told them what fabrics to use and Momo produced the needed material from her quirk. Ty Lee sewed while Toshi cut the cloth. Percy and Mermista were creating 3d sculptures to guide them using their waterbending.

"Find a look that fits your silhouette" intoned Squidward, who was doing a "Noah retrospective". Percy and Annabeth were going to do matching Geoff and Bridgette outfits, but he didn't know how, so he simply took Geoff's outfit and rhinestoned it to heck.

Toshi was going for a Harold look and Ty Lee went for Izzy. Mermista was putting together a Leshawna look but she was dissatisfied with her progress. "Ugh, I don't think this screams "LESHAWNA" enough!" Finally, Momo was doing a Gwen look.

The Victors were tightly knit by now, the four of them. Annabeth sewed like crazy for all of them, tutored by Leslie. Neville conjured more material while Alphys calculated the dimensions and lengths of the fabric and outfits. Leslie was going to do Lindsay, Neville Cody and Alphys Beth.

Chris entered the werkroom. "Hey, campers! I got one question for ya: Stand or Sit?"

"Sit," said Squidward, Leslie, Annabeth, Mermista, Jessie, Alfred, Almond and Ty Lee

"Stand," said Natsu, Reagan, Raze, Momo, Toshi, Percy, Neville and Alphys

"I hope those are your final answers, coz you just picked what Maxi Challenge you'll be competing in!"

"WHAT"

"The campers who picked SIT will compete in the Snatch Game! While those who chose STAND will do the comedy challenge!"

"Ok, we'll be giving you guys an hour to prepare. Snatch Game will go first, then the standup!"

The Snatch Game

They prepared as quickly as they could for the Snatch Game. Squidward knew exactly who he was going to portray. Digging into the rummage, he found a nice towering brown wig and began to apply thick, clownish makeup on

Squidward: Snatch Game is a do or die challenge, so I'm going for broke and doing Bianca del Rio!

Annabeth was assembling a beautiful gossamer gown with rainbow and peacock feather motifs. "I need a huge hammy character that I know a lot about personally. Obviously, Hera is the perfect choice!" Ty Lee was doing Azula and Mermista was going to do She-Ra. Jessie had a blond wig and a black suit. She was going to portray the premier Sinnoh champion, Cynthia. Alfred was doing his brother Arthur Kirkland and Almond was, weirdest of all, portraying Buster Scruggs.

Leslie, nervous about Snatch Game, approached Squidward and saw his plan. Leslie then asked Squidward if he was willing to team up with them, so that Leslie would do Laganja Estranja so they could play off each other's lines and gain an edge.

"I'm open to alliances," replied Squidward.

The hour ended, and they were summoned to the podium. The boys sat on the front row (plus Leslie) and the girls sat in the upper row.

The story will now shift to transcript format

Bowie/RuPaul: Hello, hello, hello, ladies and gentlemen! Tonight, Total Drama's got a treat for you! We're going to be hosting Total Drama's first-ever Snatch Game! Please welcome our illustrious hosts: Heather and Leshawna!

Heather: Hey there, losers! I really can't wait to see these new contestants flop!

Leshawna: Sup y'all, I'm just happy to be here coz I heard the competition this season is fierce!

Bowie: For tonight, please welcome our illustrious lineup of guests! Please welcome, the premier Pokemon trainer of Sinnoh, it's Cynthia!

Jessie (Cynthia): Thank you for having me! I can feel you are all ready for what's about to go down tonight!

Bowie: Which is?

Jessie: Why, a Pokemon battle, of course!

Bowie: Well, that's giving me horror flashbacks, but let's meet our other guests! I'm gagged to show you a royal trifecta of boss bitches! Featuring Princess Azula, Sea-Ra, Princess of Grey Whales and Hera, Queen of the Heavens!

Ty Lee (Azula): You miscalculated, RuPaul! You should've introduced ME last!

Annabeth (Hera): Hush, child, the adults are talking

Mermista (Sea-Ra): (hair flip)

Bowie: And in our lower row, we have some British person…

Alfred (Arthur): I'm Arthur bloody Kirkland you limp fruit leather!

Bowie: We also have Buster Scruggs!

Almond (Buster): Well, it's a lovely day for a Snatch Game, Ma'am… I mean sir…. I mean…

Bowie: And (gasps), we even have two Drag Race alumni with us! Give it up for Bianca del Rio!

Squidward (Bianca): I have no idea who these other people are. Did you guys run out of budget?

Bowie: Isn't she absolutely disgusting, folks? Anyways, we also have Laganja Estranja!

Leslie (Laganja): YASS, MAWMA, I'M BACK!

Bowie: I think we're ready to begin! Now, guys, you have a whiteboard and marker with which to write down your answers to a set of fill-in-the-blanks. The goal is to get the same answer as one of our celebrity guests!

Squidward (Bianca): Where are the celebrities? I wanna see them

(general laughter and applause)

Bowie: Alright, first sentence! "Leshawna is so sassy, her first words were…"

Jessie (Cynthia): "I'm gonna be the very best, like no one ever was!"

Ty Lee (Azula): "I WILL take over the Earth Kingdom!"

Mermista (Sea-Ra): "dolphin noises"

Alfred (Arthur): "Bit odd, innit?"

Almond (Buster): "Whose leg do ya hafta give a slap to get a glass of milk around here?"

Squidward (Bianca): "BALONEY!"

Leslie (Laganja): "Mawma, I need the green pacifier because if it ain't green, I ain't interested, okurrr?"

Bowie: (in stitches) Okay! Let's see Leshawna's answer!

Leshawna: The answer is "Well, damn!"

Bowie: Unfortunately, none of you got the correct answer. Let's go talk to one of our guests! Hera, how are you liking the show so far?

Annabeth (Hera): It's so… so full of… progressive ideas, let's leave it at that….

Annabeth: She is 100% that one aunt who is lowkey a bigot. Come on, guys…

Bowie: What do you think is the secret to a happy family life?

Annabeth (Hera): Love, and a lot of gaslighting

Bowie: (laughing)

Bowie: Now, Sea-Ra, Do you think the other kingdoms should make statements about The Horde's occupation of your territories?

Mermista (Sea-Ra): I think a shoutout from the Fire Nation would be nice

Ty Lee (Azula): Would you like a statue of a 300-foot tall platypus bear with pink horns and silver wings? That will really send the message!

Bowie: Azula, do you think drag is an essential element in the Fire Nation's entertainment scene?

Ty Lee (Azula): As long as they all paint their mugs to look like ME! (maniacal laughing)

Squidward (Bianca): Calm down, Jiafei

Bowie: And, Cynthia, what do you think of your rowmates tonight?

Jessie (Cynthia): Not very ladylike, these girls. Could we get some ice cream?

Bowie (laughing) Alright, now let's get to question #2! "Heather is such a bitch, the Gen 1 cast decided to gift her…

Jessie: "A Level 5 Caterpie!"

Ty Lee: "A cherry with the pit still in it!"

Mermista: "Stinkor's underwear!"

Annabeth: "A disfigured child!"

Alfred: "A bloody trapbox with a booby-trapped blade soaked in the poison of a Sumatran frog!"

Almond: "A case of lead poisoning"

Squidward: "The bill to Laganja's therapy costs"

Leslie: You bitch, anyways, my answer is "Bianca's tired, old, macrame-looking ass weave!"

Bowie: (cackling and clutching his stomach)

Bowie: Okay, Heather, the answer is?

Heather: "The ugliest pair of shoes ever!"

Bowie: Again, none of you got the correct answer! Let's chat with the guests on the lower row! Arthur Kirkland, how is your stay in America?

Alfred: Bloody horrible! These people are idiots! Americans are speedrunning towards societal collapse!

Bowie: Being an American, Buster Scruggs, can you offer any counter arguments?

Almond: Just this, Paul… I think the lady sitting next to me is really a man

Squidward: What gave it away? The deep voice or the clown makeup?

Almond: That little pistol you got tucked between your legs

Leslie: (screaming)

Bowie: Queen down! Bianca, what do you think of our Snatch Game participants so far?

Squidward: This was Snatch Game? I thought it was an intervention!

Bowie: (laughing uncontrollably) and, Laganja? How you durring?

Leslie: I FEEL VERY… ignored. Where's the drama?

Squidward: Oh, so NOW, you like stirring the pot…

Alfred: I could go for a pot of beans right about this time

Almond: What say we relieve ourselves from this ladyboy convention and find us a place for dining?

Annabeth: Yes, let's

Bowie: There you have it, folks! The Snatch Game! I think it's safe to say our winner… or winners… are Squidward and Leslie!

Squidward: (Chef kiss) Thank you! To the losers, do not worry, there's always All-Stars!

Leslie: LET'S GET SICKENING!

Lipsync Lalaparuza Round of Eight

Bowie licked his lips in anticipation. Chris had just picked the brackets for the next round and they went to announce it.

"Alright, campers, for round two of the Lalaparuza, our first match is Annabeth vs. Ty Lee!"

Annabeth: This is gonna be a bloodbath

Ty Lee: I'm so excited!

"The song is… Sorry, Not Sorry, by Demi Lovato!"

Leslie: This song is a lot to live up to… hope they do that…

The matchup was fierce, with Annabeth and Ty Lee matching each other's energy and stunts, but in the end, Ty Lee was able to edge out Annabeth a little bit.

"I need time to process all that," said Jen.

"That double wig reveal was everything, Ty Lee!" said Tom

Bowie cleared his throat. "We need to choose a winner, unfortunately. Ty Lee, shantay, you stay"

"Thank you, mama"

Chris was ecstatic after that first lipsync. "For match two, it's Squidward vs. Almond!"

Squidward: Time to send this old nut to the nursing home

Almond: Some queens go for a fishy look, but at the end of the day, all eyes will be on me, and you'll still be the little boy in the corner tryna look like a lady

"The song is "Applause" by Lady Gaga!"

Squidward executed a perfect choreography of the song, while Almond shocked the judges by showing off a new outfit he liked to call "burnt" Almond. In the end, Almond did great, but was ultimately outshined by Squidward.

Bowie considered the next two matchups. Momo defeated Raze in "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by making an entire milk tea for herself by spawning ingredients and a blender from her cleavage using her quirk.

Alfred: Y'all need to take her to the cafeteria. Ain't nobody checking HER tiddies!

Leslie and Jessie had a tear jerking matchup, being friends, but ultimately, Leslie butchered Jessie in "Dance Again '' with a triple reveal versus Jessie's single, too-early reveal.

Chris applauded the results so far, and excitedly watched the ratings soar, and the traffic on Twitter. It was now time for the Stand-Up Challenge. Bowie led the eight contenders to a stage, with the audience composed of Total Drama alumni from Island to Return.

First up was Percy, whose prompt was "weed".

"So today, kids, I'm here to talk about the dangers of weed… The first thing is to not light anything, now I know not randomly burning things on sight might be a foreign concept to some of you… (side eyes Natsu and Duncan)"

Natsu's was next, a standup about 'Butch queens"

"Who am I to get in the way of Butch, whoever he is, if he wants to put on a dress?"

Alphys' got a prompt, "Childhood"

"Perhaps the hallmark of my childhood was the junk pile, with all the food and supplies I could want. Oh, the many nights we got full from the empty ramen noodle cups from the fourth pile. But then, a tragedy occurred. My sister misplaced her designated cup and she starved to death…"

Neville's was about school life

"They say school is the most magical time of a child's life. Well, let me tell you something, fairies are magical, but so are vampires, trolls and the Old Ones… they never specified what brand of "magical" they were talking about…"

Reagan's was about hookups

"Girls are saying 'New Year, new me' on Instagram. Bitch, unless you're the teenage nature goddess we got locked up in cellblock 163, that kitty don't come with a reset manual"

Raze did a hilarious sketch about Waffle House.

"I was saying 'DAAAAMMN, you sure she not Radiant?! She caught that chair like it was nothing, man! We need her to defuse the spike, ain't nothing stopping her!"

Momo's sketch was about the struggle of girls with big… bosoms

"I know we make you feel very insecure… but you don't know what it's like to lay in bed, and feel that suffocating strain…" (sobbing) "We're not making mountains out of molehills! We have valid problems!"

Finally, Toshi wrapped it up with what might've been the funniest sketch on Asian stereotypes ever.

"So my dad walks into my room, asks 'ARE YOU DOCTOR?!' And I'm like, 'dad, I'm twelve years ol-' 'TALK TO ME WHEN YOU ARE DOCTOR!'"

"And that's the story of how I ended up becoming a game developer and document forger. Hey, at least SOMETHING'S getting doctored around here!"

Bowie and Chris declared Toshi and Raze joint-winners. The Semifinal of the Lipsync Lalaparuza was next.

"Hey Leslie," asked Alfred. "What's the difference between the Smackdown and the Lalaparuza?"

"Well, they're like the same thing, but the Smackdown is a one-by-one fight, where you challenge the winner of the previous round, and the Lalaparuza is a bracket-style challenge"

"Oh, so a Smackdown is like a Drag Battle Royale. Which one are we playing again?"

"The latter. That means you're out"

"Oh"

Squidward vs. Ty Lee promised to be the de facto finale of the smackdown. The song was "Physical" by Dua Lipa.

Squidward: I've come so far, I can almost taste that crown!

Ty Lee: This is going to be the biggest fight yet! I can't hold back!

Common love isn't for us

Squidward walked slowly, enunciating each word

We've created something phenomenal, don't you agree?

Ty Lee did a kick, a dip and a slow twirl to a stand

All night, I riot with you

Squidward was dancing to the beat, and flailing his tentacles like crazy

Come on! Let's get physical!

Ty Lee did a helicopter split that left everyone shaking

Hold on, just a little further, come on, hold on, everybody's waiting, come on!

Squidward rolled and emoted on the floor, Ty Lee did tumble after tumble, twist and turn, a backflip into a split. It was everything.

Leslie: I love Squidward, but Ty Lee is skewering and grilling and saucing his ass up!

Squidward ended with a split and a fan pop. Ty Lee ended up on the floor in a contortion.

"Okay, we'll announce both finalists after the second lipsync!" said Bowie

It was Momo vs. Leslie. Momo was dressed like she was attending Dia de los Muertos, with skull face paint and a rich red and black dress. Leslie was dressed in a black bodysuit with weird attachments on the side.

"The song is… Gimme More"

Leslie: I'm getting that crown, sorry Momo

Everytime they turn the lights down

Momo twirled sensually

Just wanna go the extra mile with you

Leslie seductively grinded and beckoned at the audience

We can get down like there's no one around

Momo twirled and revealed into a bodysuit

Leslie: Really? It's the same silhouette, girl…

Feels like the crowd is saying

Leslie spun, the bodysuit falling away to reveal a beautiful golden gossamer dress that sparkled all over. Tom and Jen were screaming from the panel.

Gimme, gimme more!

Momo spawned plastic flowers from her bosom, then skulls, then a paintbrush tipped with glowing paint.

Leslie took off their wig, revealing a second wig. Blaineley screamed. Momo drew a pentagram around her and lit candles, which she created from herself as well.

Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme

Momo split, twirled, gave faces. Leslie danced and danced, twirling their wig like crazy, spinning into a dip.

"Amazing! That's television!" yelled Blaineley

Bowie and Chris convened. "Alright, the ones advancing to the finals are… TY LEE AND LESLIE!"

Squidward: Fuck my drag, right?

Momo: I just can't believe I made it this far…

Leslie: This is it. This is really really it, isn't it?

Ty Lee: I CAN'T FEEL MY TOES!

Runway

The runways were now ready. The sixteen campers were ready. Bowie gave the panel one last rundown on what to look for. Tom and Jen needed no coaching, Blaineley needed minimal coaching. Chris needed to learn from the top. The story goes into scripted mode

Bowie: First up, Jessie!

Jessie: I'm serving Heather takes over the world realness in this number

Jen: She's good at it. I love the way Heather's dress has translated into Met Gala realness

Tom: I did not expect it to turn out like anything like that. I expected influencer levels

Bowie: She's here to serve double the trouble!

Chris: Let's see Alfred!

Alfred: I'm giving you Hawaii the house down. Justin goes pro, getting that Vogue and Vanity Fair poses on

Tom: I'm gagged as to how he made Justin even more Justin!

Blaineley: You are the face of America! Literally!

Bowie: Fifty States of hey hey hey!

Bowie: C'mon out, Raze!

Raze: Izzy's one crazy biatch, and that's what's shining in my take on her outfit!

Jen: It's a party of colors, I love it!

Tom: Never has chaos looked so fab!

Blaineley: I'd rent that

Chris: Just don't blow up the set!

Chris: I think it's time for a serving of Almond!

Gasps

Almond: I'm giving you Chris McLean Ford Hanks Stallone realness. All that testosterone wrapped up in a campy little package

Chris: YOU BETTER WERK, BITCH!

Blaineley: Ugh, I hate to say it but he made Chris edible…

Bowie: Natsu!

Natsu: Tyler the Dragonslayer is here to slay!

Tom: What the hell?

Jen: That does not look like Tyler at all

Blaineley: First boot of the night

Bowie: Ishgar? I hardly know her?

Chris: Reagan!

Reagan: Courtney's classy but bitchy, professional, but a professional at shade. Tonight, she's here to slay those boyfriend stealers and put her campmates in line!

Chris: PTSD realness!

Tom: It's SO Courtney!

Jen: The only thing missing is the subpoenas!

Courtney/Reagan reveals subpoenas tucked under her skirt

Blaineley: GAGGED

Bowie: Now, for Percy!

Percy: Geoff is chill, so I iced up his outfit

Tom: There are more stones in that dress than a South African mine

Jen: Not getting Geoff from this. Don't rely on that washboard!

Blaineley: This is Geoff if I was his stylist

Chris: Momo!

Momo: Wait for it

Tom: Is she in a nude bodysuit?

Momo: NOW! (twirls and creates a new outfit out of her body)

Jen: I have been gooped and gagged. What I was before, was NOT gooped and gagged

Momo: Gwen's all about that shock value of an underdog!

Bowie: Talk about crystallized!

Chris: Squidward!

Squidward: I present my latest opus, the Noah retrospective!

Jen: It's kinda too much…

Tom: I like the details and the references to it!

Blaineley: What a visionary!

Bowie: He is THE alternative skanky squid of Bikini Bottom!

Bowie: Mm-hmm, time for Mermista!

I'm giving you the power of Leshawna, princess of sass and attitude!

Tom: What the

Jen: She didn't cinch

Blaineley: Um, duh? She's supposed to be Leshawna?

Leshawna: YOU SLAY, MERMISTA!

Chris: She's so wild, so animal!

Bowie: To-to-to-toshi!

Toshi: I'm giving you Harold after his sojourn in the dojo realness

Tom: I'm loving the East-West clash here

Jen: You betta work, Demon Slayer!

Chris: Harold has never looked so killer!

Chris: Ty Lee!

Ty Lee: I'm also going for Izzy! I'm giving twirls, tumbles and overall crackhead energy

Tom: I like this one, its not as chaotic as Raze's but it all really comes together

Blaineley: What an adorable outfit!

Bowie: Leslie, come on out, darling!

Leslie: I'm giving you Lindsay lets loose realness

Jen: Lindsay?!

Blaineley: Not unless she did a bad bitch era!

Tom: I did not see this coming

Chris: Time for Neville!

Neville: Cody's looking green with my floral attire

Tom: Eh, green

Jen: He's not interested, okur?

Blaineley: I think it's cute

Bowie: Come on now, Alphys!

Alphys: Beth goes wild!

Tom: More like Beth goes constipated

Blaineley: What is this, honey?

Bowie: Oh no, she Beth-a don't!

Chris: Last but not least… Annabeth!

Annabeth: I'm giving you Bridgette in her Solar Power Era…

Blaineley: IS THAT A FREAKING BRIDGETTE REMAKE?!

Jen: Ugh, look how the dress creates an ocean wave effect!

Tom: LET'S GO TO THE BEACH, BEACH!

Chris: Honestly, I know jackshit about drag but that dress is EVERYTHING

Bowie: I KNEW I saved the best for last! No need for a panel, Annie Bell, you are the winner of the Runway!

Annabeth: For a daughter of the Great Weaver, this wasn't really much of a challenge (giggles)

There was nothing left now but the final lipsync between Leslie and Ty Lee. The fourteen campers, plus Chris, Bowie and the judges congregated at the amphitheater.

Leslie was a futuristic vision of a goddess. Their face was streaked with blood red lipstick on the eyes and mouth. Their petals were sprayed chrome silver, making them into mirrors that made Leslie look like they had multiple faces. A black gown with gold accents completed the look.

Ty Lee was wrapped up in a black ruffly dress with the words RUVEAL INCOMING written all over it.

Leslie: Ugh, her mind

Bowie stood solemnly in front of the final two. "Ladies, this is your last chance to impress me, and win the title of Total Drama's first ever Queen of the Races. The song for the finale is… Edge of Glory, by Lady Gaga

Leslie: What better song for the oddest flower in the field?

Ty Lee: I don't know about you but I'm definitely feeling the edge

"Good luck… and I know you won't fuck it up!"

There ain't no reason you and me should be alone tonight, yeah, baby, tonight, yeah, baby

Leslie danced robotic, artfully moving their leafy arms and emoting with their face

I need a man that thinks it right when it's so wrong, tonight, yeah, baby, tonight, yeah, baby

Ty Lee twirled and leapt, as if the ruffly dress never impeded her movements

It's hot to feel the rush/To brush the dangerous

Leslie twirled a bit, and moved side to side

I'm gonna run right to/To the edge with you/Where we can both fall far in love

Ty Lee spun, the ruffles falling away and revealing a black bodysuit with silver trimmings and glitter

I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment of truth

Ty Lee Did a backflip into a split, got up, twirled then dipped

I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment with you

Leslie sang out and twirled their skirt

I'm on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge

Ty Lee did a triple somersault. Leslie waxed operatic, as if truly becoming Lady Gaga performing the song onstage

I'm on the edge with you!

Leslie turned around, revealing a second Leslie face, painted on the back of their head. They bent backwards, revealing Leslie's real face staring upside down at the audience. Ty Lee and Leslie looked and winked at each other, then did simultaneous backflips

I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment of truth

Ty Lee twirled and twirled like a top

I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment with you

Leslie twirled and twirled, the two faces alternating beautifully like a perfect illusion

I'm on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge

Leslie bent and reached for the skies. Ty Lee spun and dipped, her sweat falling like sparkling diamonds

I'm on the edge with you (with you, with you, with you, with you)

Ty Lee death-dropped. Leslie bent backwards again, making it look like the painted face was bowing to the crowds.

Bowie wept tears of elation. "Alright folks. We've made our decision… The winner of the Lipsync Lalaparuza is… LESLIE!"

Ty Lee clapped and whooped even harder than Leslie did. Leslie kept bowing.

"If that wasn't one of THE most spectacular things we've done on this set!" beamed Chris, fantasizing about all the Gemmys their inclusive extravaganza would bring. Bowie tabulated the scores with Jen and Blaineley, while the campers assembled around the amphitheater once more. Hitting the stage, Chris thanked Bowie for his help in today's challenge and allowed him the honor of announcing the week's winner.

"Thank you, Chris. Alright. Percy, Mermista, Toshi, Reagan, Raze, Almond, Neville and Jessie…."

(Tension rises)

"You're all safe"

Jessie: WHAT

"The rest of you, you represent the tops and the bottoms…"

Alfred: Heheehe, tops and bottoms…

"... for this week. Annabeth, Leslie, Momo, Squidward and Ty Lee, please step forward"

"Annabeth, your tsunami dress took you to new heights this week. You're High"

"Thank you"

"Momo, you created a whole new niche of drag for yourself. You're also High"

"Thank you"

"Ty Lee, your acrobatics still got the judges reeling. You are High"

"Thank you!"

"Squidward… Leslie… one of you is the winner of this week's challenge. I'm sorry, but that means Alfred, Alphys and Natsu, you three are up for elimination this week."

Alphys: Oh, no…

Natsu: Man, that sucks…

Alfred: How the heck am I in the bottom… Whooo, this is rigga morris, gurl!

Bowie swallowed. "The winner of this week's challenge is… Leslie!"

"Winner winner, salad dinner!" said Squidward. "I'm so proud of you, girl!"

Squidward: I am BOILING, I am MALDING inside, but at least I can aim for Miss Congeniality by making it look like I'm cool with losing…

"Squidward… you're steaming…" said Leslie.

"Leslie, you will receive ten thousand dollars at the end of the season plus a month's worth of cosmetics from our sponsor: Glamzilla! Owned by our alumnus, Dakota Milton!"

"Thank you! People at home on the TV, never be afraid to fry your fleek frag!"

"Your WHAT"

"Oh, that came out wrong, I'm still shaking down to my roots, mawma…"

Leslie: I am in my Sasha Colby era, and I guess Squiddy's in his own Jan era right now, but I'm sure there's still plenty of chances for Jesslieward to pick up more challenge wins!

Chris took over. "Well done, Leslie! Just when I thought you were gonna be net on the chopping block! Now, there's still the matter of this week's biggest losers…"

"Leslie, I will give you the power to save one of your co-campers…"

Leslie sweated, defying the laws of plant biology. "Well, this is really gonna be a heartbreaking, difficult choice for- oh, who am I kidding, I save Alphys!"

"Good! Now, Natsu and Alfred, I decided I wanted to see one last lipsync for tonight! You two will now have to LIPSYNC FOR YOUR FREAKING LIVES!"

Alfred: Why, why did it all have to come to this?

Natsu: If I'm going down, I might as well go out blazing! I'm sorry, Al, but you better get ready!

"Okay, the song I have for you is… "Freakum Dress" by Beyonce!"

"Oooh," said Leslie. "Very niche"

Alfred: I must let loose. Forgive me, bro

Natsu: What's a freakum dress?

Bowie cleared his throat. "Assume the position"

To be or not to be, not!
Alfred posed

Hold up, bring the beat back

Natsu twirled a little orb of flame through his fingers

Stop! I ain't ready yet
Natsu did a step backwards

Wait! Let me fix my hair, yes, yes
Alfred did a wig reveal.

I think I'm ready, been locked up in the house way too long
Alfred twirled, Natsu crouched and emoted

It's time to get it 'cause once again he's out doing wrong

Natsu and Alfred pointed at each other

He's been actin' up, But he won't be the only one

Natsu did a crunchy dip

'Cause when he acts wrong, that's when you put it on, get him uptight, this is your song

Alfred ran in place and spun into a dip

Hold out your back, time to impress, pull out your freakum dress

Natsu set his dress on fire, revealing a bodysuit.

Oh, put your freakum dress on
Alfred did a split

Oh, put your freakum dress on
Natsu whipped his wig in circles

Oh, put your freakum dress on
Alfred spun on the floor, kicking his legs around

Oh, put your freakum dress on
Natsu did a sudden dip

All the ladies, you ain't these

All dressed up in your dresses

And your bestest with no reason

Get ready to freakum, freakum
More spins, dips and kicks

When you put it on it's an invitation

When they play your song, get on up and shake it
Natsu whipped his hair again, the wig falling off this time

Work it out your back, you don't have to waste it

Spin it all around then take it to the ground
Alfred DID spin around and split it to the ground

Leslie: Hmmm, well SOMEONE wants to stay so bad, that's for sure!

Oh, put your freakum dress on

Oh, put your freakum dress on

Alfred ended in a vogue into a dip, while Natsu burned off the last of his outfit, now naked except for his scarf

Bowie shuddered. "You took Born Naked too literally, Natsu…"

Emergency clothes were provided and the judges made their final deliberation.

"The voters have spoken." said Chris. "Alfred, sashay you stay"

"SHANTAY, you stay" corrected Bowie.

"What he said"

Alfred and Natsu broke down in tears, knowing they would be separated. Then they both began to giggle. The giggling soon grew into hysterical laughter.

"Aw, man, now I gotta do the dare!" said Natsu.

"Assume the position, bro!" Alfred laughed.

Natsu put his hands on his head dramatically, facing Chris, the judges, then turning at his fellow campers.

"Miss Dragneel…. MISS DRAAAAAAAAGNEEL. Miss…. Dragneel….."

The fifteen remaining campers applauded and waved as the Dragonslayer sashayed away

Natsu: This whole thing's been so much fun! Can't wait to tell everyone back home! Gray, you better not be laughing, coz I still left more impact in three episodes than you did in…. Agh, who's counting?! Anyways, I'm gonna miss my Screaming Rockets fam, especially my new buddy boy Alfred. You guys are welcome any time to pay a visit at our Guild! See ya!

Bowie clapped. "Welp, it's been nice getting to meet the new gang! Remember, guys, gals, and all other pals, if you can't love yourself…"

Leslie waved. "How the HELL you gonna love somebody else, can I get an AMEN?!" the campers erupted in laughter and cheering, with Squidward even vogueing one last time as Glamazon began blaring on the

Chris applauded. "A fiery end to one interesting camper! But it'll take more than just charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent to win next week's challenge! After brawns and beauty, it's time for a contest of brains! Join us in Lindsay's mansion as the three groups try to solve a ghastly murder in next week's murder mystery challenge! Only here on TOTAL! DRAMA! FANDOM! ACTION!"