When it's summer in Aurora Falls, kids are always looking for ways to get money. Some do odd jobs around the neighborhood, some get allowances from doing chores, while others like Heather Beaumont, already have a job. But, Heather had two jobs: being the town papergirl, and getting Dwayne Siskin to pay for his newspaper subscription. The first one has had positive results for her, but the second one always ended in Dwayne's favor.
One day, Heather had an idea in an attempt to get Dwayne to pay for his subscription. She knew that he liked fishing, so she took out a fishing rod and put the daily report on the hook. Then, she slowly lowered down the hook and began waiting patiently for him to grab the paper. After a while, she felt a tug on the hook. She then began to reel it up. "Ha! You're gonna pay for your newspaper today, Mr. Siskin!" But unfortunately, when she did get it back, she discovered there was not money, but a newspaper without any coupons in it. She growled in disappointment at her failure. "Got ya again, Beaumont!" she heard Dwayne yell.
He then went back inside to find his daughters watching TV, Kelly getting ready for work at her beauty salon, and Grammy taking a nap with Honey Boo-Boo. "Hey, girls, guess what? I managed to make $6.00 in coupons from a newspaper. For some reason, I always manage." Dwayne told his daughters, Lindsay and Marie. "Wait to go, Dad!" Marie told him as she and Lindsay continued watching television.
Dwayne then took out his work outfit. Normally, he worked as a janitor at Marie's elementary school, but when he didn't work there, he served as an assistant at the town's science observatory. He came back wearing his normal outfit, but with an assistant pin on his shirt. He then took out his tie. "The bunny runs around the berry bush, away from the fox and hops back into his hole." Like always, his tie was a little bit too tight. Kelly walked over to her husband, wearing her salon's signature apron and a purple jumpsuit.
"You look so dapper." Kelly then kissed her husband on the cheek. "All right, kids, we're going out. Grammy's staying here just in case you need anything. We'll be back later." Kelly informed her daughters. Lindsay got up from the couch when she heard these words. "Wait! When you say, "be back later", it means you're leaving. Where are you going?" She asked her parents.
"To our jobs, of course." Dwayne said. "What is jobs?" Lindsay asked, confused. Dwayne and Kelly stared at each other. "We thought since you're eleven, you would've known by now." Kelly said. Lindsay shook her head in response. Kelly whispered to her husband, "Dwayne, I think we need to give her the talk about employment."
Dwayne walked over to Lindsay. "You see, Lindsay, when someone wants to go to work, they meet up with an employer. And if the employer thinks the employee does good enough, a brand new job is born!" Lindsay was already fascinated by the concept of jobs. "A job gives your life meaning, a purpose!" Kelly said. Lindsay then told her parents eagerly, "I want one of those job thingies!" Kelly then shed a happy tear, and hugged her husband. "Our woman-child is becoming a woman-woman!" "Oh, good, but maybe she can keep her can-can out of the house-house." At that moment, the two went out and drove away in the car.
"Where can I get a job and find my porpoise in life?" Lindsay asked excitedly. Just then, a man in a porpoise costume walked by. "Don't look at me. I ain't got it." said Porpoise Guy before walking away. Marie then stood up and said, "Well, I already have my dream job! Producing The Lindsay Show!" "Oh, that show is a hoot! The host is so dumb!" Lindsay told her sister. "Come on, sister! It's time to start the show!" They then ran over to Lindsay's bedroom/the production area.
Once they reached there, the show had begun. Outside watching them was a young boy and the town's most creepiest resident, Ernest P. Christenhiemer. He had jet-black hair, a dark red coat, a black buttoned shirt, a raven feather top hat, black pants, and red goth boots.
Just then, a curtain on the screen came down. "Let's see what's percolating on The Lindsay Show!" The curtain then opened to reveal Lindsay attempting to tie a tie. Ernest then cheered for Lindsay. "The bunny runs around the mulberry tree, away from the fox and hops back into his hole." Lindsay said. Unfortunately, the tie did not stay strong. So, she tried again. "On today's show, we're getting summer jobs. And to get a summer job, you have to know how to tie one of these doohickeys." She then accidentally broke a mug that was on her desk, and the tie fell to pieces. She then got more fabric, and proceeded to try again. "And the bunny and the fox go out for coffee and their car gets a flat!"
Lindsay continued to struggle, and while the young boy was bored and skated away, Ernest was amazed at the programming. Then, Lindsay accidentally hit the TV screen and flipped it over, landing on Ernest in the process. "3-D effects? I LOVE this show!" Lindsay then got up, and proceeded to walk away with her tie slightly choking her.
While she was walking, she came across her best friend Dee Dee Stone. Dee Dee had pink hair in a diamond studded scrunchie, a jean jacket, a purple skirt with sequins, go-go boots, and purple eyeshadow. Dee Dee was shocked when she saw her friend. "Hi, Dee Dee, fancy meeting you here." Lindsay said in a restrained manner. "Oh, hi Lindsay, are you trying out a new look?" Dee Dee said as she helped remove the tie. "Yeah, I'm looking for a summer job."
"Oh, what a coincidence. I could also use a job. Mainly because I'm a little low on moolah and I need some of that cheddar to afford a new dollhouse, see?" "It's not a coincidence, Dee Dee. It's just two similar things happening at the same time." They then walked off as Marie followed the two on her bicycle. "I guess 'The Lindsay Show! is going mobile today!" she said as she followed them.
While on their search, they found themselves at the town's grocery store, Bennett's Supermarket. "Jobs! Jobs, jobs, jobs!" they called out. While walking, an employee mistook Dee Dee for a doll and put her in a bag. "Hey! That tickles!" Dee Dee said. "I'm so sorry! I thought you were a doll." the employee said. "I wish." Dee Dee claimed. "Hold on. I'm getting a feeling." Lindsay said. "That we should become bag girls?" Dee Dee asked. "Nope, it's just this doggone rash. You gotta see this!" The rash said "Be a Bag Girl". With this, the two got their first summer job: bag girls.
Inside Bennett's, the two were preparing for their first summer job at the checkout line. Dee Dee's first customer, a man in his late forties, went to Dee Dee's station. "Ah, okay. Here we go, my very first duty as a bag girl." She then took the man's groceries and slowly put them into the bag. But, Lindsay was putting the groceries in fast. "You're goin' too slow, Dee Dee! Bagging is all about speed, girl!"
Lindsay kept putting her customer's groceries in too fast, causing the bag to get real heavy. She then handed it to the customer, but it was hard for them to carry it. "Whoops, I missed one." Lindsay then took an anvil and put it in the bag, causing the customer to fall through the floor. "Great job, Lindsay, now watch me!" Dee Dee then took her bag, stuffed it to the brim, and smashed it with a mallet. "There!" She then took the bag, turned it into a paper hat and put it on the customer's head. "Ooh, tres chic!" Dee Dee said. "Thanks." replied the customer in a sarcastic tone.
Meanwhile, Lindsay was juggling some groceries blindfolded. But, she tripped and it sent the groceries flying everywhere. Just then, the manager Mr. Sully came in. He asked, "What is all the hullabaloo?" After he said this, Lindsay accidentally threw an ice cream tub at the guy's face, and boy was he mad! He yelled, "THAT'S IT! YOU AND THAT PINK HAIRED KID ARE DONE!" He then took a cannon and blasted them out of it, ending their bag girl summer job.
"We completed a summer job!" Lindsay and Dee Dee cheered. "I think I'm getting the hang of the "summer job" thing, but did I find my porpoise?" Lindsay asked her best friend. While they flew, Porpoise Guy flew by. "It's pronounced purpose." he said before leaving. The two girls kept flying until they arrived at an elderly woman's house. When they got there, they realized that there was something vital there: opportunity.
"Psst, hey lady. We're looking for a summer job. You think we could paint that fence for you?" Dee Dee asked the woman. "Oh, of course. What sweet girls." The woman said. "We could touch up a few of your wrinkles, too." Lindsay offered. The woman got upset. She handed them paintbrushes and paint cans, got in her car, and drove away. Lindsay and Dee Dee then commenced their second job: fence painters.
The two girls sang a little ditty while they painted. They made a huge mess, getting paint all over the grass, flowers, and on their clothes. "Perfect!" Dee Dee claimed. However, everything around them looked like a pigsty. Just then, the house's chimney fell off. "This house could use some help too." Lindsay said. They took the paint and brushes, some makeup brushes, and hair extensions. Then, they got to work.
Two hours later, the elderly woman came back with groceries in her hands, and exited the car. Lindsay and Dee Dee were standing in front of the house, which was draped with a cloth. "Oh, it's, uh, lovely, thank you." Dee Dee then opened the fence door. "You haven't seen anything yet, ta-da! We gave your house a makeover." Lindsay removed the cloth, and the elderly woman saw her new house. It was covered with mascara, eyeshadow, blush, lipstick, and a wig. The lady was shocked, and began muttering incoherently. "Isn't it beautiful?" Just then, the house somehow winked. The other houses on the block then started swooning over the elderly lady's house, and the lady fainted. "A job well did." Lindsay said.
Afterwards, Lindsay and Dee Dee were walking down the street when they spotted a taxi cab. "Thanks for the ride in your stinky cab." "Your money makes this job tolerable." The driver said, and left. Dee Dee told Lindsay, "Let's be taxi drivers! Oh, but we're too young for a driver's license." Just then, Lindsay picked up an elderly man and put him on her back. "Why take a taxi when you can ride with Laxi?" Lindsay questioned. "What's a Laxi?" The old man asked as Lindsay carried him away. Then, the two began escorting their customers.
Dee Dee carried around a muscular man using a 200-pound dumbbell, which made it difficult. "Your stop's coming up." Dee Dee said fatigued. Lindsay was carrying around a family and some suitcases. "So, arrivals or departures?" Then, Dee Dee began carrying an actual taxi cab. "Yes, sir." She told the driver. Afterwards, Dee Dee and Lindsay were escorting the town copette, Officer O'Reilly, and a criminal named Rocky. "There's no escape for you this time, Rocky!" Officer O'Reilly yelled. "You'll never get me, copper." Rocky claimed. Then, Officer O'Reilly jumped on Rocky, and took him away. Then, a loud ringing noise was heard. "Lunchtime!" Lindsay and Dee Dee took out two lunchboxes and began eating. Marie then caught up with them, and took out a mini TV. Marie then told the viewers, "While they take a break, let's all watch another hard-earned boiled episode of 'Mystery Noir.'"
On Mystery Noir, two detectives named Gibson and Alto were interrogating a man named Dave. "Now, where was you on Tuesday night?" Gibson asked. "I don't know!" Dave claimed. "We knows it was you." Alto said. Dave gulped. "Y-y-y-y-you do?" Dave asked. "Myeh, so you won't talk, eh? Hey, Alto! Show him what we'll do if he don't make with da chin-wagging." Gibson said. "It would be my pleasure." Alto said in a threatening tone. "H-h-h-help!" Dave yelped. "You'll get a little of dis." Alto took a nut crusher, and squeezed his bulging arm. "And also some of dis!" Gibson threatened, and twisted his neck in pain. "Um, what?" Dave asked, confused. "How 'bout a little of dis?" Alto then began shaving his hair, and howled in pain. "Ah! He's shaving against the scalp!" Gibson yelled. Him and Alto then continued torturing themselves. Dave did a smirk. "I confess, I did do it! It was me!" Then, Dave shut the door on himself, and fell to the floor as a pancake.
Meanwhile, Dwayne had arrived home from work. Just then, Heather Beaumont knocked on the door. "Hey, it's Heather Beaumont!" He kicked Grammy's antique lamp, and hid his face in the lampshade. "I can see you, Mr. Siskin!" Heather yelled. Dwayne pulled out a megaphone, and said, "Nobody's home!" Heather sighed. Just then, she spotted Lindsay and Dee Dee escorting Marie and a dog. Wheels began turning in Heather's head. "That moron lives with this moron. Maybe she can get the cash. Hey! How would you two like a summer job?" Heather said. Lindsay and Dee Dee stopped in their tracks, and sped over. "Sure, I'm still looking for a porpoise." Lindsay told Heather. Porpoise Guy appeared and asked, "What do you want from me?!" He then walked away angrily. Heather said, "It's very sinple. Just collect the newspaper money from Mr. Siskin." "Who's Mr. Siskin?" Lindsay asked. Heather facepalmed herself. "Dwayne. Your father?" Heather said, annoyed. "Oh, him! But, his name isn't Wayne. It's, um, Peter?" Lindsay said. "That's my dad's name, too!" Dee Dee claimed. "No way!" They highfived. "Do you think you can possibly handle this job?" Heather asked. "Of course, you're not talkin' to a couple noobs." Lindsay said. Dee Dee added, "Yeah! We've had three jobs since breakfast!"
The two girls knocked on a door. Dwayne came out and muttered something. Then, the girls went to Heather. "Well? Did you get the money?" "Nope, he sent us packing." Lindsay said. Heather yelled, "Try harder!" "Harder?" Lindsay questioned. "What do we do?" Dee Dee asked. Then, they saw Marie holding up a sign. "Oh, we gotta be like those tough guys on TV!" They dressed up in outfits that Lindsay made on the fly, and tried again. Dee Dee knocked on the door. "That's an interestin' newspaper ya get delivered." Dwayne peeked through the door. Lindsay was holding a water bottle over the paper. "Be a shame if it was ta get all wet n' soggy." Dwayne gasped. "Not the Sunday edition!" He took a vacuum, and sucked up the newspaper. "You ain't getting my money!"
Now, third time was the charm. Lindsay knocked on the door and yelled, "We're gone now!" She giggled before Dwayne opened the door. Upon seeing the girls, he closed the door. But, Lindsay put her foot in the door's crack. When Dwayne tried again, Dee Dee's foot was on top of Lindsay's. He put his foot on top of the two. Suddenly, shoes started piling in top of them. Eventually, there proved to be too many, and the Siskin door once again closed. "Myeh, looks like we'll have to give this mug the big tip." Dee Dee said. Somehow, they managed to get hold of a crane from the construction site. They pulled up the Siskin house, and tipped it over. Every newspaper fell out, along with Dwayne. "We gotcha now, deadbeat!" Lindsay told him. "Here, take my filthy lucre!" Dwayne handed Lindsay two dollars. "Yoink. Thanks." Dee Dee said. Heather then took the dollar bills. "Ahem, I'll collect my money now." "And I'll collect our pay." Lindsay said, splitting the money between her and Dee Dee. Heather, outraged, put her newspaper bag on her head and ran away screaming.
Later that day, Lindsay and Marie were in the former's bedroom. "So, what did we learn today, Lindsay?" Marie asked her sister. "I don't want any more summer jobs. They're too much work. I have found my true porpoise: doing my TV show!" Lindsay exclaimed. "Really? Then what do I do with this?" Marie asked, pullng a sheet of the porpoise guy. "Let me go, you little butthead!" he said. "Hey, watch your language! This is a family fanfiction." Marie told him. Lindsay then pulled up her shirt and began scratching her rash from earlier. "The end is so itchy." Lindsay said.
Note: Sorry I haven't uploaded to this fanfic in over a year. I've just been so busy I haven't had time for this fanfic. For the people who read this, hope you like this chapter! See you in the potential future!