Trigger Warning: flashback of assault!
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Phantomjaw was contently lying on his side looking something up on his data pad when his brother returned. As soon as the door to their shared room opened, Steeljaw stomped inside.
"Somebody's in a foul mood," Phantomjaw commented without looking up.
"I don't need you getting on my case right now, brother," Steeljaw snarled, making his way over to his own berth. "I just lost my temper for supposedly no reason in front of everyone and now I'm positive they'll all be flocking over here to bombard me with questions!"
"I'm pretty sure it will just be your group that bothers you."
"What did I just say?"
"Not to get on your case."
A few minutes of silence followed. Or rather, a few minutes of one brother trying to tune the other out.
"Are you even listening?" Steeljaw asked, realizing that his words were falling on deaf ears.
"Sort of," Phantomjaw replied nonchalantly. He was too focused on the task at hand to fully pay attention.
Steeljaw raised an optical ridge and stared at his brother. His gaze immediately shifted to the other's data pad.
"What is on there that's got you so preoccupied?"
"The job."
Phantomjaw answered a little too quickly for Steeljaw's liking, but he retained a straight face, so discerning what he was really thinking or feeling in that split second is impossible.
"Fine, whatever," Steeljaw huffed, knowing better than to press Phantomjaw for answers.
Eventually, Phantomjaw shut his data pad off and placed it in his subspace. He turned to sit with his legs and tail tip hanging over the side of his berth, gaze trained on Steeljaw.
"So, anything you want to get off your chassis before…" Phantomjaw started, but was cut-off when the door to the room slid open, revealing the four bots the brothers were expecting. "Ah, nevermind."
"Sorry to intrude, you guys, but we need to talk to Steeljaw," Bumblebee said.
"We know," the brothers responded in unison, startling the others.
"You…"
"Know, yes, we do!" Steeljaw snapped, turning his back on the others. Phantomjaw shook his helm and sighed.
The black and white Lupicon got up and made his way over to his brother, then kneeled down and wrapped his arms around him. Feeling comforted by the familiar presence of Phantomjaw, Steeljaw leaned into the embrace, not caring how they looked in front of the others.
"If you need me, I'll be right outside, okay? I'm not leaving you alone in your time of need again," Phantomjaw reassured. He felt his brother's plating shake after taking a deep vent to calm himself down.
"Thank you, brother, but I can take things from here," Steeljaw replied.
Phantomjaw smiled and patted Steeljaw on the backplate, then turned around and headed straight for the door, and the group of bots standing by it. The four of them filed in to allow the black and white Lupicon to exit. Just before he left, though, he stopped right in front of Bumblebee.
"I suggest you lock the door, just in case," Phantomjaw advised. Suddenly, he took on a more serious, and terrifying expression. "But don't think for a nanoklik that you can do whatever you want in here, because if something goes wrong, a locked door will do nothing to keep me out and away from my brother. So, here's my advice to you three: tread lightly."
While Bumblebee and the other two let the threat sink in, Phantomjaw turned to Moonracer with a much softer, friendlier look. He tilted his helm, smiled, and waved.
Finally, he left.
"Well, this is nice, the five of us, back together, again," Knockout mused, attempting to lighten the mood of the room. Starscream face-palmed at his friend's stupidity.
"Knockout, seriously?" Bumblebee vented.
"What?"
"We're here about something serious. Not that I don't admire you keeping a positive attitude, but now is not the time!"
"Now is not the time to be positive?"
"No, that's… that's not exactly what I'm saying…"
"Are you here to annoy me?" Steeljaw interrupted. He already knew why they were here, but he couldn't help asking. "In case you couldn't tell, I'm not in the mood."
"We've noticed," Starscream commented. "So, are you going to tell us what's wrong with you?"
"Preferably starting with whatever triggered you to blow up during Screamer's terrible attempts at flirting," Knockout added.
"Yes… WAIT, WHAT? KNOCKOUT!"
It quickly went downhill from there. Knockout and Starscream were at each other's throats, again, and Bumblebee desperately tried to separate them. Moonracer looked conflicted, her wide, worried optics flicking from the scene in front of her over to where Steeljaw remains sitting.
Shut up. All of you, just shut up. Please.
The constant fighting…
The secret love…
It all reminds Steeljaw of his life before now.
Before Earth…
Before the Alchemor…
Another time.
Another place.
Another life.
A life nobody else knows about, except for Phantomjaw, and now, in order to get everyone off his back, to get them to stop worrying about him, Steeljaw is going to have to tell them about what he holds so near and dear to his spark. Or rather, who he holds so near and dear to his spark.
Steeljaw stills his shaking, realizing that that's something he is not ready for just yet.
They don't have to know about him, right? I mean, I'm sure I can get by without mentioning him. The only one who does know is Moonracer, kind of. She stopped searching for more information after I got mad at her that first time, but there's no way she completely dropped the subject altogether. And, of course, I can't forget about the night Knockout and I spent talking in my room before the Star Seekers…
His thoughts ended there as memory files of his time with the pirates, specifically Thundertron, emerged to plague his processor. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms and tail around his frame and curled into a protective ball. He struggled to keep a hold of himself as recent, less than savory memories flashed before his optics.
Following his emotional shift, the once quarreling mechs settled down and immediately turned to Steeljaw. Everyone was uneasy with the change.
"Steeljaw?" Bumblebee said, concerned, as both him and Moonracer cautiously approached their team-mate together. Knockout and Starscream stayed a few paces behind them, and, thankfully, remained silent.
"Hey, Steeljaw, are you okay? Steeljaw?"
But he couldn't answer right now, as he was locked in one of his memory files.
One that he wishes he didn't have to relive.
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"Alright, in ya go!"
Steeljaw stumbled over his pedes as he was shoved inside the Chamber. In other words: the interrogation room. It looked the part, too, with dark walls, minimal lighting, and full of chains, cuffs, and other items meant for restraining prisoners.
"Don't need these right now," Thundertron said from behind Steeljaw. He felt the pressure around his servos release after the Captain removed his shackles. "Better?"
"Do I even want to know why you're acting so weird around me?" Steeljaw replied, flexing his freed claws in front of himself. Much to his relief, they appeared perfectly fine.
But his relief was short-lived when his arms were grabbed and he was forced against the wall.
"I thought I already expressed my interest in you, little Lupicon," Thundertron growled, his grip on his captive's arms tightening, denting the plating underneath. Steeljaw squirmed, attempting to alleviate some of the pressure, even though he knew his efforts would be in vain. "Trying to escape from me is pointless."
"Sorry for trying," Steeljaw snarled, letting his displeasure be known. He bit back a howl of pain as Thundertron gave a sudden, tight squeeze.
"However, that doesn't mean I will be merciful with you, not if you step out of line. Now, how about we have a little fun before those two idiots are done with your friends?"
"They aren't my friends."
Thundertron raised an optical ridge.
"No? The yellow and black one seemed to think otherwise."
"He's an Autobot."
"And you're a Decepticon. Your factions are enemies. Always have been, always will be. I don't see how he could care for you…"
Suddenly, Thundertron perked. The accompanying grin unsettled Steeljaw.
"Unless…"
In one swift yet rough motion, Steeljaw was lifted into the air until he was helm-to-helm with Thundertron. The Captain pressed his chassis against Steeljaw, keeping the Lupicon pinned between him and the wall. One servo pressed against the wall and one ped planted on the floor helps Thundertron keep balance as he uses his other arm and leg to keep his captive in place.
"I don't suppose he's the jealous type?"
Thundertron laughed and continued to make his move. Steeljaw struggled to get away from the intimate touches that were reserved for one mech and one mech only. That mech isn't Bumblebee, and it sure as hell isn't Thudnertron, but there is no way Steeljaw will ever admit it. Wherever his special mech is, Steeljaw is adamant about keeping his identity a secret. No matter what, he will always protect his love.
That said, Steeljaw doesn't appreciate being branded as Bumblebee's play thing.
"He doesn't want any part of me, and I don't want any part of him," Steeljaw argued, leveraging his claws against Thudnertron's frame and trying to push him away.
"Really?" Thundertron questioned, pausing in his molesting. He scanned the smaller frame before him, searching for something. "You have a lover?"
Steeljaw was stunned into silence. He should've expected this question to come, but he was still surprised when it was voiced.
It took a moment for Steeljaw to find his voice.
"No."
Which was 50% true 50% false. He was in love, still is, but never had the chance to go through with the bonding ritual.
"Doesn't really matter, anyway…"
Suddenly, Thundertron grabbed Steeljaw and tossed him to the floor. Steeljaw barely had a moment to comprehend what was happening before a heavy weight settled atop him, pinning him to the ground.
"I haven't had a good frag session in a while, and with the way you're built…"
While straddling Steeljaw, Thundertron wrapped an arm around his midsection and pressed it against his own. He balanced on his elbow joints as he slowly lifted himself and his prize a couple feet off the cold floor. His occupied servo remained where it was, wandering a little here and there, while his free servo reached forward and gripped Steeljaw's chin, forcing him to strain his neck to look back.
"I'm sure it will be one Pit of an experience."
Unsure of what to do in this situation, other than not breaking, Steeljaw begrudgingly resigned himself to being a subordinate.
It was a quickie, as Brimstone and Cannonball arrived not much later.
However…
Thundertron was going at it…
For 10 minutes straight…
And he was far from gentle.
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While nearly a full hour passed in Steeljaw's helm, only a minute of eerie, undisturbed silence passed in real life. The others had waited to see if Steeljaw would react to their summons, but he remained unresponsive.
"Steeljaw, come on, snap out of it, please," Bumblebee pleaded, taking a seat beside his team-mate.
"What's wrong with him now?" Starscream asked.
"I don't know. Moonracer?"
The femme didn't need to be told twice. She sat in front of Steeljaw and started looking him over. Only while watching his former apprentice at work did Knockout notice an abnormality.
"What's this?" The red medic mumbled, reaching forward to brush his digits against a dent in the armor.
Big mistake.
Snapped out of his trance, Steeljaw rounded on Knockout and attacked him.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!"
"Steeljaw, wait, it's me, Knockout! Don't kill me, please! I'm sorry!"
Lucky for the red medic that the bad memory had completed its run and returned to whatever dark depths it was supposed to be locked in.
"Knockout?" Steeljaw rasped, still seemingly in a daze, but more alert than before.
"I think I'm gonna stop giving you check-ups," Knockout jokes.
"Sorry."
"Eh, it's alright. The paint job probably still looks fine."
Steeljaw huffed, somewhat amused by the red medic's response. He got off of Knockout and helped him to his pedes.
"Um, maybe you should remain sitting down," Knockout mentioned.
"Why?" Steeljaw questioned.
"Because you're shaking, a lot."
It was only then that Steeljaw realized how unstable he felt.
"Good idea."
Keeping a steady hold on Knockout, Steeljaw lowered himself to the floor, settling himself in the same position he was in when the others first arrived. Sensing everyone's optics on him, sensing the tension about to burst, Steeljaw decided to finally talk to them.
"I'm sorry for lashing out at you, Knockout, but that dent comes with a bad memory."
Knockout rubbed the back of his helm, wearing a sheepish, apologetic smile.
"What kind of bad memory?" Bumblebee inquired, once again taking a seat beside Steeljaw. The flash of fear that crossed those piercing yellow optics struck a chord with the yellow and black mech.
"Steeljaw, what happened?" Moonracer asked, noticing the same thing that Bumblebee did.
"I…"
Another memory file from the same place attempted to weasel its way to the surface. Not wanting to zone out again, Steeljaw quickly answered.
"It was back with the Star Seekers, after Bumblebee and Knockout were taken away. I was escorted to a different part of the ship by Thundertron himself. When we arrived at the Chamber, he freed me, temporarily."
Despite rising anxiety levels, Steeljaw continued to soldier on through.
"He let me have my moment before grabbing me and holding me against the wall. We started talking. Actually, it was more along the lines of Thundertron trying to get information and me not giving him satisfactory answers."
This next part is going to be hard, but it's too late to go back now.
"He started asking all these questions about… my love life… and I told him 'no' repeatedly. I didn't realize what was happening until he… got busy with me. Turns out, it didn't matter whether I had a lover or not; he would still do what he did and take pleasure out of it."
Once he finished, there was a moment of silence, before Bumblebee dragged him into a tight, comforting embrace.
"I am so sorry, Steeljaw," Bumblebee apologized, sounding as distraught as he looked. "We didn't know that happened to you."
"Not like you could've done anything," Steeljaw muttered.
"But I promised that I would protect you no matter what! You shouldn't have had to go through that. If only…"
Steeljaw growled and pushed Bumblebee away, holding him at arm's length.
"Don't give me that if only scrap, Lieutenant! There was nothing any of us could have done at the time, so stop blaming yourself for something you had no control over! We survived that place. Isn't that enough for you?"
"Not if you're still hurting!"
Steeljaw didn't know how to respond to that.
"So…"
Moonracer's voice caught Steeljaw's attention. He and the others turned to face the only femme in the room. She shifted from ped to ped, rubbing her arm to calm her nerves for what she's about to say next.
"Not trying to ignore what happened to you, as it was horrible, but the mention of your love life has got me thinking about, well, you know."
"I do, and you have my permission to talk freely about it," Steeljaw said, already knowing where Moonracer was going with her topic of discussion before she even said anything.
The femme, however, still seemed unsure if she should even bother continuing, but was beaten to the punch by the only other one who had an inkling of what might be going on in the romance department.
"Wait, so Moonracer knows about your secret crush, too?" Knockout exclaimed. Everyone except Steeljaw looked at him like he just said something surprising.
"I mentioned him a couple times when we talked, but I never went into detail," Steeljaw explained, to which, Knockout scoffed in disbelief.
"When did Steeljaw mention him to you?" Moonracer asked.
"Ah… well…" Knockout stammered, not wanting to tell Moonracer that he wandered off when he was supposed to be on bed rest.
"He came to see me one night to talk, and he unsuccessfully tried to get information out of me," Steeljaw answered without going into specifics about the time. Knockout passed him a grateful look for the discretion in his wording.
"Hm… sounds about right," Moonracer shrugged off.
"Hey!" Knockout exclaimed, then immediately swerved around to face Starscream. "Don't you say anything, Screamer!"
"Why would I need to?" Starscream chuckled. "You're already getting yourself in enough trouble as is!"
"Can we please get back on track?" Bumblebee interrupted. Once the others settled down, Bumblebee turned his attention back to Steeljaw. "So, anything else you want to tell us?"
"About my love life? No, and don't bother asking Phantomjaw about it because he's sworn to secrecy on the subject," Steeljaw answered, his tone leaving no room for argument.
Unfortunately, yet unsurprisingly, that seemed to be the one thing everyone wanted an answer to.
Who does Steeljaw care about?
Where are they now?
Why is he keeping them such a closely guarded secret?
How does he know them?
No matter how hard they push, or how sly they think they are being, Steeljaw can see right through their tricks. Just like with Thundertron, he refused to talk about him. The thought of him not being there with Steeljaw, by his side, making good memories, enjoying each other's company; he didn't want to think about it more than he had to.
"Steeljaw?" Moonracer asked, her soft tone carrying volumes past the others' voices.
"Hm?" Steeljaw perked, turning to address the femme.
"I know you don't want to talk about that part of your past, a past that we aren't privy to, but…"
Moonracer kneeled right in front of Steeljaw and reached out, planting a gentle servo on his shoulder plate.
"Can you at least give us a reason as to why you won't talk about it?"
Steeljaw had to resist the urge to lash out and say It's personal! Because while it is indeed personal, that isn't much of an answer, and he's already given Moonracer the cold shoulder a couple times on the subject already. He promised to give her a more suitable answer if the need ever arose, and now, that time has finally come. He doesn't want to go into details, but he knows that Moonracer is aware of that.
It's not like she's asking for a full blown explanation or anything, and no way would the other bots in the room even think of trying to push their luck that far with the femme around, either.
After a few minutes of uninterrupted contemplation, Steeljaw settles on a suitable answer.
"It was a long time ago, and due to circumstances, I couldn't return to my group, so he helped me escape, but in order to keep each other safe, we had to part ways."
The memories of that day came flooding back, but unlike the memories of being dominated and assaulted by Thundetron, Steeljaw couldn't force these ones to go away so easily.
Why?
Because he really wanted to see him again.
"That was the last time we…"
Steeljaw took a shaky vent, struggling to keep himself together…
"That we saw each other."
But this time around, he failed.
Just like with his brother, Steeljaw curled up against the closest chassis – Bumblebee – and let the waterworks flow.