Disclaimer: Not Mine

There's a lot that's been happening in my life, and I really hate that the delay is so great. I can only hope that I can pick things up going forward, but I have no idea any more. So, regardless, here's a chapter. I hope you enjoy it.

Thank you to Lilykep for beta-reading this chapter

Next Year's Girl

By Kylia

Chapter 2: This Can't Go On

August 2nd, 2000

Anya's Apartment, Sunnydale

Xander really would have preferred to go back to construction. It had just been a job when he started it, but he'd quickly realized he actually liked working with his hands. The physical labor, though tiresome, was satisfying. He liked working as part of a team, even if a lot of the guys on the team probably would have gotten a punch from Buffy if they'd talked like they did around her.

(And probably deserved it too, to be honest)

But still. He'd liked the job.

He'd realized pretty quickly that 'Alexandra Turner ' couldn't get a job in construction. Leaving aside the comments and jokes that he really wouldn't want to deal with... Slayer Strength and a construction site?

Nice idea in theory, but if he stopped focusing at the wrong time?

But he needed a job, and in the end, he'd gotten one as a pizza delivery driver. Which had worked out pretty well. After dark food delivery was a dangerous job in Sunnydale, but somehow, just somehow, 'Alex' had never found 'herself' running afoul of Sunnydale's notorious 'gangs on PCP'.

In other words, every time a vampire tried to order dinner delivered, Xander could dust them, and he got a free pizza in the bargain. Plus any money the vamps had lying around.

Given how he'd lost all his old money, even though he'd never been able to save up that much, Xander was a lot more willing to just rob from the vamps. He drew a line at rooting around their nests too long, but he occasionally found something worthwhile quickly. The whole process was made easier by the fact Willy was too afraid of him to be willing to risk cheating him when Xander fenced through him. Not that I've actually had to actually do more than threaten.

It wasn't much - local Sunnydale Vamps didn't tend to be rolling in the cash - but it was something.

But it was still not a fun job. Better than anything he'd done before landing construction, but still.

Tonight though...

Tonight had been particularly bad.

Not one vampire placed an order. Hell, barely anyone placed an order, so he was stuck sitting around the pizza place, trying to avoid making too much conversation with the other drivers and cooks. He hadn't.

He hadn't been in the mood to talk.

But he also hadn't in the mood to be left with too much time to think.

Which, unfortunately...

Well, he'd had too much time to think.

He and his brain got together and did some thinking. Then he decided he didn't like what he'd thought up. He'd thought some more.

Same conclusion, every time.

Xander fiddled with the keys until he found the one to Anya's apartment and unlocked the door. Anya was sitting on the couch, despite how late it was, reading a business book. She'd developed quite the capitalistic streak of late, and had ambitions to run a store someday, though she was some distance from that right now.

"Xander," Anya lowered her book, then marked her page and set it down. Xander sat down next to her, licking his lips slowly. "Are you - are you feeling better?"

"Better," Xander allowed, which was... true. He was feeling 'better'. But...

He looked away, swallowing, stomach uneasy, heart pounding in his chest as he tried to both push forward and talk... and push everything down, pretend it was all stupid. That he hadn't come to the conclusion that he had.

That the reality of his situation wasn't...

"Be honest with me, Anya. Do you... do you actually see this," he gestured to his body, "ending, any time soon?" Anya opened her mouth and Xander raised a hand a little. "No, seriously. With everything that Willow's tried a failure at best, and with nothing else coming up, short of like, murder or risking some horrible person getting Slayer powers, do you see me getting a male body again any time soon?"

"It has to happen, one way or the other, eventually," Anya insisted, and Xander shook his head, wishing it could be that simple.

"That's not an answer, Ahn." And just because it has to happen doesn't mean it will. Xander should have known none of this would work. He was the universal butt-monkey, and magic never seemed to work right with him.

"Why - why are you even asking, Xander?" Anya demanded. "Are you - are you giving up? You can't just do that!"

"I'm not giving up!" Xander shot back, raising his voice to match Anya's volume, then he looked away, "Except..."

"You're just - you you're just giving up? Xander you can't! I can't have org- I mean it's more than just that, but I do miss your penis!" Despite it all, Xander couldn't help but feel a small flash at humor at his girlfriend's ever-blunt phrasing.

"I think I miss it even more than you do,": Xander managed to say, softly. "But it's not -" Xander stood, starting to pace without even trying. "I'm not giving up. It's not - it's not that simple. I just..."

"I can't keep pretending," Xander concluded. Anya stared at him, confused, and Xander sighed. "I'm dead, Anya. As far as everyone outside of like, fifteen people are concerned, Alexander Lavelle Harris is dead. My whole family, from my Uncle Rory to my cousins Rigby and Carol and my parents all think I'm dead. Killed in some random shootout in L.A. All the friends I made at my old job thing I'm dead. The whole damn world things I'm dead. Even if I get a male body back, that won't change. I'm dead."

Xander stopped pacing and turned to Anya, hand to his chest for a moment, "I'm dead, and this whole time I've been pretending, or at least part of me has, that if I can just get a male body back, or even my old body back somehow, I can just... go back to being me. But I can't! And nothing works! Nothing Willow does, none of the solutions you've been trying to find!" Anya started to protest, defend herself, and Xander barreled on, afraid that if he stopped talking, if he let Anya talk, he wouldn't be able to finish. Wouldn't be able to get it all out.

"I don't want to keep being... this," He gestured to his body again, starting with his breasts. "I don't want to have these on my chest and have a period every month and have to pee sitting down and worry about the ten thousand other things that are different between being a guy and a girl." He could have added he didn't want the leers and occasional catcalls and the prospect of worse, but Anya wouldn't have much sympathy for him there, and on a certain level he wouldn't blame her.

And that's another thing I really wish I didn't have to deal with - a whole damn new sense of perspective about these things! Ignorance was bliss sometimes, or at least it had been, on some level.

"I don't want to keep waking up and not recognizing myself." He echoed the words from earlier today. "And you're right, if I was just willing to let some... random criminal die, we could maybe find a solution. And maybe I'm just squeamish, maybe I'm prejudiced against demons that accept trade in human souls and virgin hearts, maybe I just... I don't know!" Xander didn't even have the words for all of it.

"I don't want this... any of this." Xander went on, voice softer, back against the wall, sagging a bit, knees bent. "But also... I'm so... I'm so tired, Ahn." He closed his eyes a moment and swallowed, almost expecting Anya to interrupt, but she was silent. "I know I said it this morning, but it's true. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of getting my hopes up. I'm tired of thinking that if I wait just a little longer, everything will magically go back to normal, somehow, some way. I'm tired of - I'm tired of living my life stuck in neutral."

"Everyday - wake up, have Willow try something, go to work, come home... and what exactly is it that I'm coming home to?" He went back to the touch, sitting down, taking one of Anya's hands in both of his. "Anya, I love you. If things were different, I'd be pondering the prospect of spending the rest of my life with you." Not that he would have been ready to drop on one knee or anything, but -

Anya blinked, and Xander realized there was wetness in the corner of her eyes, like she was about to cry. She inhaled sharply. "You mean that." It wasn't a question. Then she closed her eyes, and inhaled again. "But... you- are you breaking up with me?!" She asked it plaintively, her voice pitched weirdly as a tear started to trail down her face - Xander reached over and gently wiped it away, the sight of her like this leaving him feeling like he was being kicked repeatedly in the gut.

"Do we even have much of a relationship to end, at this point?" Xander asked earnestly, trying to not let her make him second guess himself. He had to do this. "I'm not talking about the fact that we don't have sex - you can't help that you don't like girls, but... that's what I am right now. But that's - that's not the issue." It wasn't the issue much. Xander knew it was a little unreasonable of him, but among everything else, there was the small part that resented that Anya was - even if understandably so - unable to reciprocate, after he used his tongue on her.

Masturbating just wasn't anywhere near as satisfying.

"Not... not much anyway." Xander admitted, needing to be honest. "But... I mean, we barely kiss, we don't hug the same, we barely even cuddle in bed, and by god I can't believe I'm saying that part, but I am! We're practically just roommates that share a bed and... masturbate together." Xander's voice lowered and trailed off a little there, realizing how stupid that sounded out loud, but he still felt there was truth to it.

"I want to find a solution to this. I want to be able to just... be with you. Somehow. Some way." He squeezed Anya's hand lightly, blinking away wetness as he realized he too was starting to tear up - Anya's tears were slow, but they were flowing, and Xander tried to wipe them away again gently, but Anya recoiled from his touch and pulled her hand free.

"So you're just breaking up with me?" There was an angry, defiant note to Anya's words now, which was... a little better than the plaintive one earlier. "Just - just like that? Just because we don't have sex."

"It's not the sex!" Xander protested again, "Anya, do we actually act like people in a real relationship anymore? God, have we even gone out on a date in the last two months! Even to dinner together!?"

"You're usually busy working, or Slaying!" Anya shot back.

"And? I was working before, and I took regular part in helping with the slaying! It took almost as much time, some nights!" Xander pointed out, trying to not raise his voice too much, not wanting to yell in anger at Anya. "But whatever else was going on, we still managed to make time. Both of us. Because it was important to us. But we're not doing that now!"

"That doesn't - That doesn't mean I want to break up with you! I love you, you idiot, though I'm starting to wonder why!" She poked Xander in the chest, hard.

Xander felt more pain from her words than the poke, biting his lip, covering his eyes with his hand for a moment, pretending he wasn't rubbing away tears.

"I - Ahn-" Xander started, pulling his hand away from his face.

"No, now it's my turn to talk!" Anya interrupted. "You're just giving up! On us! On getting a male body back! On everything! You say it's not about sex, you say-"

"I say it because it's true, Anya," Xander insisted, not yelling, but cutting her off anyway. "I'm not giving up - I just - even if, god willing, Willow figures it out, or some other solution presents itself, it's not happening tomorrow, it's not happening next week, and it's probably not happening next month! It's not fair to you for us to just... be stuck in this endless hamster wheel of a 'relationship.'"

"Yes, because you're absolutely doing this for me!" Anya snarled.

"I am! Because it's not fair to you to keep this relationship when I'm not even going to be in Sunnydale much longer!" Xander finally yelled, to be heard over Anya. His girlfriend - his ex-girlfriend - shut her mouth, taking a long moment to stare at him.

"You're leaving?" Anya's voice was soft.

"I need a change. A change of... everything." Xander admitted, wiping at his eyes a moment, feeling... not empty inside, but... emotionally drained. Exhausted. "Everything in Sunnydale reminds me of... of the life I can't have anymore. And then there's... even leaving you aside, there's my friends. WIllow who seems like she spends every waking minute insistently searching for ways to magically fix everything, trying to control the situation with magic." It was a pattern for her, Xander was realizing, and it was a bit troubling. The would-be 'delusting' spell, rather than just staying away from each other (not that he was innocent there), that whole 'my will be done' spell, this...

Xander hadn't taken Psych 101 like Buffy and Willow had, but he didn't need to know that Willow, after having so much of her life dictated by her mom, was happy to find control any way she could.

But she did seem to be using magic as a shortcut to avoid dealing, every time.

Not that I don't feel her on the 'I'd rather not be dealing'. But I have to live this.

"And Buffy? God, Buffy is -" Xander thought back to Buffy dragging him out clothes shopping, her suggestions for dresses and skirts and makeup and heels. It wasn't Buffy trying to humiliate him, or emasculate him further it was...

Buffy liked having another girl friend. And she was nearly as much of a fashionista as Cordelia, underneath all that Slayer.

"Years ago, maybe a few weeks after we first met, Buffy called me 'one of the girls'." Xander explained. "You can guess how 16 year old me with a crush on her felt about that."

Anya, even with the tear streaks still on her face - though like him, it seemed like she was cried out for the moment - laughed softly. "I can," she nodded, voice quiet, low.

"Well, now I really am one of the girls, at least right now. And Buffy is more than happy to embrace that." In Buffy's mind, Xander knew she was trying to help. Make the reality of being a girl easier for him. I guess she saw this was probably not ending anytime soon before I did. But even accepting that as he was now, Xander just...

He was still not comfortable with the idea of heels, or a skirt or makeup.

"And Giles... He still can't tell if he's supposed to treat me like a Slayer or not, and what treating me like a slayer means, since I'm not like Buffy or like a 'normal' Slayer." G-man had actually kind of adapted the best to the new reality of the original scooby gang, mostly because Xander was still his usual annoying self with the ex-librarian, but still. Their dynamic wasn't quite the same any more.

"Everywhere I look in Sunnydale, I feel reminded of my old life. Which... I'm never getting back."

"Because you're dead," Anya noted slowly, quietly, her voice a murmur. "Where are you going to go?"

"I... I don't know," Xander admitted. "I figured I might try a slaying road trip through the Southwest? Be close, if Buffy needs the help, but... at least do some good, away from the Hellmouth." Xander was tired of slaying, but...

He couldn't not help with the whole fighting vampires thing, as long as he had the power to fight. Plus, the Council could always go back on their word if Xander didn't do some slaying-related stuff.

They could fire Giles again, stop paying Buffy, come after his friends... or they could just kill him again.

I really wish soldier boy hadn't known, in detail, what a sniper bullet to the skull does to the human head. Xander's halloween memories were mostly faded by now, but that one was annoyingly fresh in his head, compared to the rest.

"You just can't help yourself, can you?" Anya's voice had a hint of humor, a small laugh at the end of her words.

"I can't do nothing," Xander said, looking at the ground for a moment. "You deserve better than me doing this."

"Damn right I do," Anya agreed, saying it with the same self-assuredness that had always drawn him to Anya in the first place. Water was wet. Fire was hot. Anya was sure of herself and her worth. "But..."

Anya paused for a long moment, then let out a long sigh. "I - pestillient gods I can't believe I'm saying this - you really don't want to hurt me, and you..." She laughed, hollowly. "You're serious about thinking this is the best, for both of us." She shook her head, "And I'm not going to convince you."

"I need to do this Anya." Xander confirmed. "And I don't - I don't want to hurt you, that's the truest thing about this."

"Just because you don't want to doesn't mean you aren't," Anya pointed out, calmly, flatly. It wasn't even like she was trying to guilt him here, she was just saying. Xander had hurt her. Then, suddenly, Anya's arms were around his waist, and she was pulling him into a hug, resting her head on his shoulder, holding him tight.

"But... I didn't realize how much you were hurting with... everything. I want you to stay. But I - and damn me for being as bad as some of my ex-clients - I also want you to be happy. And... I guess I didn't realize just how unhappy you are here, now... with everything."

"In fairness to you, Ahn, I didn't realize it until tonight." Xander murmured, arms going around her and returning the hug, the gesture probably the most intimate thing they'd done in months

"Well, you've always been oblivious," Anya chuckled, pulling back. "I - I think you're an idiot for doing this. I want that on the record."

"Noted and recorded. Feel free to spend the rest of my life calling me an idiot if this doesn't help me at all," Xander agreed.

"But," she sighed. "But if you're going to do it, you're going to promise me you aren't going to get yourself killed. And you're going to stay in touch. And -"

"If we're really breaking up, that means I may not be waiting for you, still single when you get back." Anya pointed out, bluntly. "I can't wait forever."

"That's kind of part of the whole reason I'm doing this," Xander couldn't deny that the thought of Anya moving on bothered him. The idea that like, a year from now, they'd actually find a solution and he could get a guy's body back and then he'd come back to Sunnydale and Anya would have moved on...

It wasn't a nice thought.

But Xander could hardly ask Anya to just... put herself on pause that whole time. Or longer.

Because there's every chance this never gets fixed. That he would be stuck like this forever.

"And if I'm not going to wait forever, I can't fairly expect you to do the same," Anya admitted, grimacing.

"Ahn... there's not much chance of me moving on... I mean, even if I could find a woman I liked that liked me back... I mean, if there's even a chance that there's an expiration date on me being a woman..."

"Xander, you can just have casual sex when you're single," Anya pointed out. "It's not something I'm going to be happy about, but if we're both single, we're both single."

"I'm not going to just... march into the first gay bar I find and sleep with the first woman who buys me a drink!" Xander raised his voice a little, feeling heat on his cheeks.

"Why not?" Anya blinked, then shook her head. "I said I wouldn't wait forever. But I am willing to wait. For a while. And if I decide to stop waiting, I'll let you know." She put her hand on Xander's shoulder and leaned in close, looking him dead in the eyes. "And you're going to do the same, or I'll get one of my old co-workers to lay the nastiest afflictions on you I can think of."

And that would be some pretty nasty stuff.

"It's not - it's not going to happen, but I promise." Xander assured her.

"Good," Anya pulled back again. She took a long breath. "I won't expect you to tell me before you decide to have casual sex," Anya added. "And I won't -"

"I get it. Just... just if anything got serious, or something like that."

"Exactly." Anya nodded. "I refuse to spend the rest of my life hung up on you if we never get back together, and I refuse to let you do the same."

It was a weird combination of hurtful and wholesome, when she put it like that. But that - that was the whole point? To give Anya a chance to find happiness in a relationship with someone that worked for her.

"Will you stay on the Hellmouth? I mean - I know you only came back here because of me, originally."

"I'll be staying for now," Anya nodded. "Your friends aren't... completely intolerable, and Willow's girlfriend is... well, she's nice to talk to sometimes. And I don't really have anywhere else specific to go."

"Would you-"

"I'll keep an eye on them," Anya nodded. "At least as long as I stay here."

"Thank you." Xander made to hug her again, moving slowly in case Anya decided she didn't want it, but she let him hug her for a few long moments before pushing against him and he pulled back.

She let out another long breath and stood, slowly. "I..." she let out a sudden yawn. "Well, I feel like I'm running on empty after all that. And I - I need to think. You did just... you have just dumped all this on me at once."

Xander could see the dismissal and stood. "Let me get my stuff, and I'll go."

"Go where at this hour?" Anya shook her head, "Take the couch, and we'll deal with everything else in the morning. Like what to tell your friends."

Fuck.

Xander had been so busy thinking about what he'd say to Anya, and then saying it...

"Okay." Xander nodded.

August 4th, 2000

Giles's House, Sunnydale

It had taken pretty much all of yesterday to actually get everything done. At Anya's insistence he'd bought one of those pay by the minute cell phones so she could call him and he her. Xander had obtained his own car by just taking one from a vampire he dusted while they slept in the day. It was a stolen car, but no one was alive to report it stolen now.

So typical Sunnydale.

Packing his stuff, such as it was, hadn't taken that long, but figuring out what to say to Buffy and Willow had. Neither of them would be happy about this. Giles would just clean his glasses and clear his throat, but he wouldn't protest.

"So what's the sitch?" Buffy asked as she sat down on the arm of the couch, the last to arrive.

"A few things," Xander said. "One, Anya and I... we - we broke up."

Buffy and WIllow both stared at him, confused, then almost in unison looked over at Anya, and then back to Xander.

"And you're not covered in boils?" Buffy asked.

"Or turned into some kind of nasty-creepy-crawly thing?" Willow added, with that nice mental image.

"No, no. It's not -" Xander trailed off, about to say 'it's mutual', but that really wasn't it.

"Xander didn't cheat on me, so I wouldn't do either of those things to him," Anya chimed in.

"While I suppose this is relevant information to know, as you are important in all our lives, this doesn't seem to be the sort of thing you need to call a meeting over." Giles observed.

"But the reason we're breaking up is," Xander replied. "We're breaking up because I'm leaving Sunnydale."

As Xander had expected, Willow was the first person to protest, insisting he couldn't leave, that she was really close to figuring out a solution, that he belonged here, in Sunnydale with his friends-

Anya raised her voice to be heard over Willow's babble, managing, somehow, to get her to stop talking long enough for Xander to get a word in.

He told them more or less the same thing he'd told Anya, minus the stuff about their relationship not working. That he was dead, that he needed to stop pretending, that he needed a chance of scenery. That he was so tired of fighting and getting his hopes up.

"This isn't about you not being able to make it work, Wills - or like, not in a way that makes it your fault," Xander told her. "But it isn't working. And you trying something new every other day isn't working. I think - I think if there's a solution, it's gonna take time to make it work."

Willow looked like she was about to open her mouth to protest, but Giles, who had once again started cleaning his glasses while Xander had talked, put them back on and cleared his throat.

"I think, remarkably, Xander has made quite the point. You're working with highly experimental, rare or obscure magics here, Willow, since conventional solutions have failed to work. Rushing through them simply to ensure that this matter is resolved quickly may be understandable, but it is perhaps not the wisest course."

"I'm just trying to help Xander! It's not as if you're suddenly okay with being a woman forever," Willow pointed out. "Because you - you're a guy and that's who you are, and you should have the right body. And if you stay in Faith's body forever, that means those - those - that the Council wins, and that's not okay!" She was babbling again, though perhaps a bit slower than earlier.

"What do you want me to say, Willow, that I don't like the way you keep thinking you can just... magic everything back to normal? I'm dead, Willow. Nothing changes that!" Xander didn't mean to raise his voice, didn't mean to yell, but he couldn't help it. "Attempt after attempt after attempt, each one more half-baked than the last! Yes, damnit, I'd like to be out of... this and into at least something closer to my body, a guy, any guy at least! But it's not that-"

Xander cut himself off and forced himself to take a breath. Willow's expression had gone to kicked puppy, and Xander took another breath.

"Yes. You're just trying to help. But it's not working. Not right now. I hope to hell you figure it out someday. And - if anyone is smart enough to get around this... mess and solve it, it's you." Xander spoke softer now, trying to reassure Willow that he wasn't actually blaming her, or upset with her.

"If I thought you'd have it worked out tomorrow, I'd still be sticking around. But I don't..." Xander slumped a little and Anya put a hand on his back gently, offering silent support. "I don't have the energy to keep hoping that it'll work next time, Willow." Xander said softly. "And meanwhile... everything around me here in Sunnydale just keeps reminding me that even once there's a solution, I can't just waltz on back into my old life!"

"Alexander Lavelle Harris is dead, as far as almost everyone else on the planet is concerned," Xander grimaced. "My parents, my extended family, sucky as they are." Not that all of them sucked all the time. "You know, I had friends, in the construction crew. They think I'm dead too. Everyone thinks I'm dead except for you guys, some assholes in the Council and Angel, Cordelia and Wesley."

"And a few lawyers at Wolfram and Hart," Anya added, and Xander grimaced again, nodding.

"Like I said, I'm just... I can't keep pretending everything's going to go back to normal, no matter what kind of solution happens, if it happens."

Willow nodded slowly, losing the 'kicked puppy' look finally, accepting his words. She still didn't look happy, but...

She still thinks she's gonna get it with just one more attempt, just one more spell.

"What are you gonna do?" Buffy asked. "You can't just... stop slaying." It wasn't a question, though it did almost seem like there was a note of jealousy there. Xander knew Buffy hated how much being the Slayer dominated her life.

"As long as I am a Slayer, or have the Slayer power or whatever, I might as well use it," Xander agreed. "And I mean... I can't not help when I have the ability. My insistence on helping when I didn't is kind of what got me into this mess in the first place," He pointed out, laughing humorlessly.

"True," Buffy smiled slightly. "I'd say you learned your lesson, but..."

"Sort of," Xander nodded, managing the tiniest of smiles in turn. "I... I don't know. I figured I should stay kind close, at least. You know, for the next apocalypse. If you need the help. So maybe just go on a tour through the southwest, killing vamps and demons as I find them." And maybe look for any magic stuff, books or scrolls or whatever. At least send any he did find, back to Willow.

Tiny chance anything would work, though.

"Are you sure that's-" Buffy started, then she cut herself off, looking at Xander closely. "If you run into something big, or something you can't handle... I mean, unless it's apocalypse season, I can always come to you," Buffy concluded. From her expression and tone, Xander could guess she was about to say it might be too dangerous, before changing tack.

"I mean, hopefully nothing too serious. It's not like there's another Hellmouth for me to wander onto." Xander pointed out. And thank the good lord Jesus for that.

"Actually there's one in Cleveland," Giles chimed in after clearing his throat. Everyone turned to look at him.

"And you're only just saying this now?" Buffy was the first to speak up.

"Well, it's significantly less active, and it currently has other protectors. Less capable than a Slayer, but given the smaller scale of threat..." Giles trailed off. "That is - well, the Sunnydale Hellmouth is a greater concern, and your hands are rather full here, to say the least. If there were any danger of an apocalypse there, the Council would have sent word, even before they started paying me again."

"And there's all sorts of dangerous mystic convergences all over the world, really," Anya noted. "Sunnydale's got the most potential to end the world, but it's actually really easy to end the world, in theory. People just don't actually pull it off."

"Thank you for that wonderful dose of mind-numbing terror, Anya." Xander couldn't help himself there. Now I'm gonna be terrified the world ends because of what some random demon does in Timbuktu or whatever. Is Timbuktu even a real place? He only knew the name because of that movie with the cats and the evil Butler. Willow had made him watch it with her when they were kids.

"There's enough people who want the world to keep spinning." Anya explained. "Wolfram and Hart actually shuts down a lot of attempts too."

"Aren't they evil? Shouldn't they want that?" Willow's brow and nose furrowed in confusion.

"I think they care more about money and power. It's like how Spike helped you against Angelus."

"A world full of happy meals with legs, he said," Buffy mused. "I guess that makes sense. They're still evil, and if they poke their noses into Sunnydale, I'll break them."

"I like that plan," Xander agreed. He pulled a hand down his face, the brief change in topic giving him a moment to collect himself. "I probably won't actually be leaving Sunnydale for another day or so. I have to... you know, get everything together, and stuff." He had a few more things to fence to Willy, and once he was out of Sunnyhell, he'd need to find other ways to sell the stuff he took from vamps. Pawn shops, maybe? Not perfect, but if he found the right kind of one...

He looked over at Giles. "Any chance I can crash on your couch until I leave?"

"I - well, of course, yes." Giles agreed after a moment. "I understand your reasons for this, but are you quite sure? Being an itinerant Slayer is a risky proposition under the best of circumstances."

Xander had no idea what 'itinerant' meant, but he could guess on context. "Being a slayer at all is dangerous, and if the only other Hellmouth is all the way in Cleveland..." He shrugged. "I don't exactly have a lot of choices. So yeah, I'm sure. I have a phone, one of those buy minutes things."

"I'm not leaving you guys." Xander promised. "We're still the Scoobies."

"Still the Scoobies," Willow agreed, smiling a little, a wetness in the corners of her eyes.

The goodbyes proved to... take a while. Hugs and tears, and words of caution from Buffy, promises to stay in touch, promises from Willow that she'll find a solution (not helping, Wills), and more. But once that's over and done with, they manage to talk Giles into letting them borrow his TV, order some Pizza and have one last movie night together.

It was...

It was nicer than he expected. Maybe because he was about to leave, so he could just appreciate this time with his friends now, rather than constantly worry. Maybe he was just too emotionally exhausted to let anything else bother him.

Time almost flew, and by noon the next day, everything was done. Buffy's mom foisted a whole bunch of snacks on him for the road, and Giles gave him a few basic books on demonology, copies of the older, more valuable ones in his personal collection. Willow and Tara a few minor magical charms they'd made in their spare time a while back. Even they weren't sure how much help they'd actually be, but Xander would take every bit of help he could.

Buffy gave him one of her stakes. "It's not Mr. Pointy, but this one is almost as good," she said as she handed it to him. She also gave him a battleaxe.

Finally, Anya.

Silently, he pulled his girlfriend - ex girlfriend - into a hug, holding her close.

"If you die, I will find a way to bring you back and kill you again," Anya threatened in his ear.

"Acceptable terms," Xander blinked away tears, throat tight. "I love you."

"I love you." Anya murmured back, and finally, he pulled away, and got into the car, starting it up.

Hopefully, when I leave Sunnydale this time, I'll get further than Oxnard.