Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer

As with This Year's Boy, this fic will have more than just a Xander POV. Namely, it will also have a Cordelia POV. Such as in this chapter.

This chapter starts near the end of Episode 2x03, "First Impressions".

Also, since there's no canonical middle name for Cordelia, I decided to use her actress's first name because it sounds like something her parents might have gone with.

Thanks to lilykep for beta-reading.

Next Year's Girl

By Kylia

Chapter 3: What the Hell?

October 11th, 2000

Desmond's Garage, Los Angeles

"Oh, there is a god, thank you, thank you!" Cordelia chanted, seeing Angel's car whole and unharmed in the middle of the place. He's not going to kill me - okay, fine, Angel probably wouldn't have killed her either way for losing his precious car, but she'd really rather not find out.

We wouldn't be in this mess if he had just picked up the phone when I called - she added to herself though, still annoyed about that. Angel was sleeping more and more the last week or so, but sleeping through her calling him about a vision? What the hell?

I am so going to have a word with him... if this ever happens again. She opened the driver's seat door and started to get behind the wheel.

"Great," Gunn said, relieved. "You drive it out of here, I'll follow you home."

"Just as soon as I find the keys," Cordelia replied, heart plummeted as she realized they weren't still in the ignition. Of course the car thief isn't going to do that! She got back out of the driver's seat.

"You don't have the keys?"

"Well, I kinda left them in the car when I went in to save you-" Cordelia said defensively, speaking quickly. Okay yes I was wrong you needed saving right then, but usually the visions are a little more specific so-

Not always, but at least usually.

"I thought you were in danger!" she added, at Gunn's exasperated expression, the way he was holding out his hands and shaking them in annoyance. "Every second counted."

"You know, I gotta tell you, you are one high-maintenance chick," Gunn told her, as if it was a bad thing. That's just not an insult.

"The keys are here... somewhere!" Cordelia countered, feeling her cheeks heat a little. Oh no, you do not get embarrassed Cordelia Charisma Chase! Even if she had screwed up. She got back into the car, checking the floor.

"You are killing me!" Gunn growled in annoyance.

"Can't you... you know, hot-wire it?" Cordelia asked. Given who he hung out with -

"Just cause I know some car thieves doesn't mean I am one." Okay, fine. Cordelia realized there were a lot of ways that question could have been taken even worse by Gunn too. Hanging with the scoobies too much hadn't actually made her a loser, though most of the school had thought so after a while.

Cordelia looked away a moment, then back to Gunn, who was just standing there, staring at her in annoyance. "Hey, instead of being high moral-ground boy, why don't you help me find them?"

"Looking for these?" A deep, obviously inhuman voice said, and Cordelia looked up, swallowing a little at the sight of a big - like, eight or nine feet tall big - demon with gray skin that looked like it was peeling off in places, wearing tattered, oversized red clothes. At least he wears clothes. Not every gross-looking demon did.

And in the demon's hands were Angel's car keys...

And around him were another trio of vampires.

Oh shit.

"Go." Gunn ordered.

"Not a chance." Cordelia countered. This was the whole reason she was here, damnit! "I'm not-"

"Go!" Gun interrupted, raising his voice as he moved towards the demon.

"No! I'm not leaving you!" Cordelia insisted.

"How touching, A woman willing to die with her man." The demon growled. Cordelia could only assume this was the Deevak that Gunn was after.

Wait... Hey! "Oh no, he's not my man," Cordelia corrected. "We're just friends. And about the willing die part-" Gunn, don't be a hero, it's two vamps and a demon who looks stronger than a vamp, let's try to get reinforcements! If they made it through this, she was doing to - Angel, this is why you answer when the vision girl calls!

"You must be Deevak," Gunn observed, his tone flat. "They told me he was ugly, but damn!" So much for not picking a fight now.

"And you're the big, bad Gunn," Deevak countered, and Cordelia wondered if they were going to start measuring dicks next. Ew. Gross. She did not want to even know if Deevak - ick! "Heard you were looking for me." He thrust his arm out, grabbing Gunn around the neck, lifting him off the ground.

We're so dead. Cordelia thought that even as she pulled out the ax - but just like at the house party, she didn't get a chance to use it - Deevak grabbed her arm, twisting it until the axe dropped from her grasp.

"Ah!" Cordelia cried out in pain, feeling like he was going to break her arm if he twisted any harder.

"Well, you found me. How does it feel to finally meet up with somebody nastier than you?" Deevak gloated. Gunn was trying to rip the hand off his neck, but he was getting nowhere, and she could hear him struggling for breath. Cordelia hit at Deevak's arm with her free one, but he didn't even notice.

"Not good, from the sound of it," Deevak mocked.

"Seriously, is it like, a bad guy union requirement or something to monologue when you have someone at your mercy?" A voice - a familiar one - called out from the entrance of the garage, coming towards them.

Cordelia struggled to place the voice when she saw the speaker -

No. There was no way that -

Without letting go of Gunn or her, Deevak turned his head a little to the person approaching. The woman had short, dark hair, shorter than Cordelia had ever seen on Faith, but -

That's not Faith.

What the hell was Xander doing here?! Was it even still Xander in there?! It couldn't be Faith - but it couldn't be Xander either, because they weren't dressed like a crime against fashion - the red button-down shirt didn't have some loud, obnoxious pattern, and actually fit right, for one!

Why am I even noticing that right now!?

"Get rid of her!" Deevak gestured to one of his vampires with a jerk of his head. The vampire ran and lunged at - whoever the hell it was, and they met the vampire's movements easily, ducking, catching them in the stomach and flipping them with their own momentum, crouching to dust him with a stake in practiced motion, though Cordelia's experienced cheerleader's eye could tell it wasn't quite one fluid motion yet. Practiced, and made doable by slayer strength and speed, but -

"Anyway, where was I?" They asked, straightening up.

"Slayer!" Deevak growled, throwing Gunn, and then her - Gunn flew back, landing on the ground, Cordelia hit and rolled across the hood of Angel's car, nearly hitting the windscreen and then nearly hitting her head on the garage floor. Deevak stalked towards -

"Wait, wasn't she supposed to be a blonde And up in Sunnydale?" The other vampire asked, staring.

"Wrong Slayer, but good guess." Cordelia grabbed onto the car to lift herself to her feet, trying to get a look at Gunn - was he okay? Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Deevak get within range of the slayer and he tried to grab them, but they ducked under the arm, moving to the side, looking past Deevak -

"Cordelia?! What the hell?!" Even hearing it in Faith's voice, the way her name was said, there-

That really is Xander?!

"Xander?!" Cordelia couldn't help but shout, and then she was yelling his name again after Deevak managed to punch him in the face and send him reeling back, staggering, nearly falling to the ground, but staying on his feet. Xander grabbed Deevak's arm as he punched again, pushing it away and sending him back a pace -

Cordelia ripped her eyes away from the fight, looking back to Gunn. He was pushing himself up onto his feet.

"Who the hell is that?" Gunn demanded. "What the hell is that? No human should be moving that fast!"

"That's a Slayer," Cordelia explained, helping him finish getting up. "You okay?"

"I've had worse." Gunn tried to brush her off, but Cordelia rolled her eyes, slapping him on the shoulder, lightly.

"I don't just mean physically, I mean, are you okay in the head, picking a fight with Deevak without a weapon, and outnumbered?"

"He wasn't gonna let me run, he was here to kill us."

"Doesn't mean you can't stall, or try to run anyway. I know you haven't fought vamps on the streets for yours without superpowers never running away." Cordelia snapped. "And you don't go against a demon or a vampire unarmed." Gunn knew this, and yet he'd gone and -

Gunn brushed past her and crouched, grabbing the ax Deevak had made her drop. "Armed." Cordelia growled in exasperation as Gunn started moving - a bit good bit slower after getting thrown like that - towards the other vampire, who was just watching the fight between Deevak and Xander. Gunn punched the vampire in the back of the head while he was distracted by the fight, letting it fall to the ground. He swung the ax into the vampire, getting it in the side, cutting deep, making it fall to the ground, and then another swing and the vamp was decapitated, dusting instantly.

"Hey, Deevak, we're not done yet!" Gunn called out, and Deevak turned away from Xander a moment, growling in anger. Xander kicked at Deevak's legs, sending him staggering back again -

"Fine," Deevak grunted as he pulled a knife, throwing it at Xander - Xander barely managed to avoid it, diving to the left, but even then, the knife cut a line across his shoulder before colliding with the garage wall behind him as Deevak moved at Gunn - Gunn swung the ax at him, and Deevak caught the haft - Gunn managed to pull the ax back before Deevak could break the haft, and he swung again - this time he did get Deevak, swinging low and connecting with his leg, cutting in - Deevak cried out and staggered away and back -

The sound of a motorcycle screeching against the pavement interrupted everyone, and they all turned to see -

Oh, now Wesley and Angel show up. Or at least, she could only assume that was Angel in the pink helmet behind Wesley. I'll bet that annoyed Angel. Angel jumped off the bike before it pulled to a stop, pulling the helmet off.

"Deadboy, really?" Xander growled in exasperation, then he rushed at Deevak, even as Gunn managed to grab the ax back, pulling it out of Deevak's leg - Xander punched Deevak in the back, and that made him stagger forward, nearly falling over - which gave Gunn his opening again, and he swung the ax right into Deevak's skull.

The demon paused, half bent over, for a moment, seeming to hang in the air, then he fell over, landing on the ground with a heavy thud.

Everyone stared at everyone else a moment, before finally Angel spoke up.

"Xander, what are you doing in L.A.?" Angel demanded.

"Failing at avoiding you, apparently,:" Xander grumbled. "I didn't come here for you, Angel, and, while I'm glad I could help-"

"How did you even know to show up here?" Gunn asked, "And who exactly are you? I'm out of the loop here."

"I came here because I jumped a couple of vampires last night, after I dusted one, the other said his boss Deevak would rip out my spine for killing one of his guys. So then I beat him up until he told me where I could find Deevak. I went there tonight, and some goon there - after some more hitting - told me where

"And why do you care about Deevak?" Gunn demanded. "Why were you slaying Vamps on my turf?"

Xander shot her a look, as if to demand 'is this guy for real?' then rolled his eyes. "I'm a Slayer. I slay vampires and demons. It's kind of what I do." Xander grumbled, "Kind of... all I do, actually."

"Xander..." Cordelia rolled her eyes, "Gunn, meet Xander Harris, Xander, meet Charles Gunn. He's a vampire hunter, and he's been at it for years - though you wouldn't know it based on how he was acting earlier." She added, glaring at Gunn. "Xander is a Slayer. As for what a Slayer is..." She looked over at Wesley. "Wes?"

"The Slayer is a mystically chosen girl, blessed with the strength and speed to take on a vampire directly," Wesley explained.

"So a superhero?" Gunn asked, smiling a little.

"Basically," Xander agreed, laughing. "Look," He added, holding up a hand, "I didn't mean to slay on your turf, I didn't know this was your turf."

"It's cool," Gunn shrugged after a moment. "As long as a vamp's dead." Gunn turned to Angel, "Deevak's got the keys to your car here somewhere," Gunn gestured to the body. Angel grimaced, but moved over to the body, then, "Cordelia, what are you doing with my ax?" Angel pulled it out of Deevak's skull, green puss dripping off the blade.

"You left it behind at my place when you moved to the hotel," Cordelia looked away from the ax. Gunn was walking towards the exit, and Cordelia hurried after him. "Gunn!" She called out, and Gunn turned back towards her.

"I guess you helped save my life," Gunn considered. "If Deevak jumped me somewhere else, when I was alone..."

"Yeah. And if I hadn't been here, he might have killed you too fast for Xander to get here, if he'd have still been coming." Cordelia agreed. And he might have been unarmed, and then what happens next time he goes up against some tough guy that puts a few of his people into the hospital?

And then it hit her, and Cordelia could have hit herself. It had been so obvious, right there. What did I tell him? 'You may wanna be a little more Guy Pierce in L.A Confidential and less Michael Madsen in Reservoir Dogs?' From the start of this, Gunn had been looking for a fight, and after what he'd said at the hospital...

"So I guess your vision was right. I was in danger." Gunn mused. "I should say thanks."

"You should, but... I don't know," Cordelia shook her head, "I don't think you're saved from the real threat:"

"Real threat?" Gunn raised an eyebrow. "If it wasn't Deevak, what was?"

"I'm looking at him," Cordelia gestured at Gunn. "It's you, Charles." Cordelia told him, holding back from the lecturing tone she'd used earlier, not berating him any more. "You keep charging in, thoughtlessly. You don't just face the danger, you create it. Unless you get some help... you're going to end up on a sucide mission."

Gunn stared at her a moment, then scoffed, looking away, "Man, I ain't buying none of this Dionne Warwick crap," As if the hesitation hadn't proven it.

"You know it's true." Cordelia told him flatly, and Gunn took a breath, wordlessly. "You need some serious saving... so it looks like I have my work cut out for me." Gunn deserved a chance to find a reason to keep living. Or at least come to terms with his sister's death. It wasn't your fault, Gunn.

"Is that right?" Gunn's tone was quieter, more thoughtful.

"Yeah," Cordelia nodded. "So you'd better plan on having me around for a while. At least until you find some peace.'

"Could be a while," Gunn warned her, and Cordelia shrugged.

"Helping the hopeless. It's what me and my friends do, Gunn."

"Lucky me," Gunn rolled his eyes, but it didn't actually sound... entirely annoyed by the idea. He turned, continuing towards his car.

"Hey, what about that thank you?" She called out, and Gunn turned back, smiling a little. She met his gaze, smiled back, and Gunn turned away again, letting into his car and starting it off.

"Who are you, and what have you done with Cordelia Chase?" Xander said behind her.

Cordelia let out an exasperated sigh and turned, seeing Xander leaning against the wall. Wesley and Angel were back over by Deevak, and it looked like Deevak - or his dead body - had gotten puss all over Angel's car keys. She looked back over to Xander.

"I'm still the same person I always was,:" Cordelia shook her head.

"The Cordelia I remember wouldn't have been that interested in sticking to saving someone who didn't want the help," Xander countered.

"Yeah, well, it's not like you ever knew me that well," She snapped.

"I've known you for most of your life, Cordy. You are different." Xander insisted.

I'm not... different. I just have... perspective. Okay, so that wasn't really true. At least, it was too simple.

"I'm still the same basic person, just as much as you are you," Cordelia insisted, which was true. "Which is how I know you didn't pick out that shirt or those jeans. You'd never pick something that actually looks halfway put together."

"Yeah, no, Buffy picked this outfit out." Xander shuddered. "I take back every complaint I ever had when you dragged me with you shopping when we were together, by the way."

"About how long it was talking, or how many versions of the same top I was getting?"

"All of them, and then some. At least you weren't spending half an hour trying to talk me into wearing heels."

Wait, Buffy- Cordelia laughed as she realized what Xander meant, covering her mouth for a moment. "Buffy tried to talk you into heels?"

"Heels, skirts, dresses, makeup." Xander ticked off. "You know, she told me once I was one of the girls. And now I am." He let out a breath. "She was trying to help. But I drew a very firm line."

Cordelia couldn't help but keep smiling at the thought of Buffy - who absolutely had as much passion for shopping as she did, from the times they'd all gone to the mall as a group in Sophomore year - her, Xander, Oz, Willow and Buffy - dragging Xander around at the mall and trying to get him to try on things.

"Well, you obviously let her pick a pretty different look from the old you. A very different look from Faith too." Cordelia added.

"Well, the hair is just more manageable, and... well, is it really surprising that I didn't want to look like a... what is it you called her? Slut-o-rama?" Xander added, raising an eyebrow.

Cordelia rolled her eyes, "I'm not the one who drooled over her every chance I got!" Cordelia countered. Not that she could blame Xander for finding Faith attractive - at least not now that Cordelia was willing to admit to herself she liked girls as much as guys - but he could have been less obvious about it.

Just a little!

Xander let out a long sigh. "Okay, point. I really shouldn't have done that." Then he shook his head, "Look, I didn't come to L.A. to meet up and rehash how I was a terrible boyfriend."

"And why did you come to L.A. then?" Angel asked behind them, having managed to get the puss off his car keys. "Why did you leave Sunnydale? Is Buffy-"

"Buffy's fine as of two days ago when I last talked to someone in Sunnydale," Xander replied. "Just the usual Sunnydale Shenanigans. Vamps kidnapped Dawn again. Buffy dusted them." Xander turned back to Cordelia, "Your little protege is fine," he added.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. Dawn had tried to mimic her style and demeanor a lot during the year she dated Xander and thus spent more time around the younger Summers. While it was flattering, a bit, Cordelia was pretty sure it was just Dawn crushing on Xander and trying to be more like what she thought Xander liked.

Not that Xander ever noticed Dawn had a crush. Cordelia wondered what Dawn's reaction to Xander's new situation was.

"That doesn't answer my question," Angel countered, flatly.

"And I don't owe you any answers, Deadboy." Xander countered. "I'm allowed to go where I want, and slay vamps there while I'm at it. I was trying to avoid you."

"Well, you have to admit it's unusual for you to come to L.A. at all, given your feelings about Angel," Wesley pointed out. "Or for you to leave Sunnydale."

"Wesley makes a good point." Cordelia added, staring Pointedly at Xander. She just couldn't believe that Xander would just... walk away from Buffy's side, especially now that he had superpowers to actually help.

And I'm surprised Willow or his ex-demon girlfriend didn't find a fix for the whole 'being a girl thing'. Willow was many things, most of them annoying or bad, but prone to giving up was not one of them.

"And while we're on the subject of Sunnydale, wasn't everyone going to find a way to get you back to being a guy? Because that clearly didn't work."

Xander rolled his eyes, "No, Cordelia, I hadn't noticed that I'm still stuck as a woman!" Xander snapped. "Nothing worked and let's just leave it at that." He went on, sour in tone and expression, glowering at her, and then Angel in turn. "I left Sunnydale for reasons that are none of your business, and I've been slaying vamps and demons all over the Southwest since. As for why I'm in L.A..."

Xander sighed, dropping his head into a hand for a moment, then taking a breath. "I don't know why I'm in L.A. I had a crazy slayer dream two weeks ago, and woke up with an overpowering need to come to L.A. I've been trying to figure out why since I got here."

"And you didn't look for us?" Wesley asked, sounding baffled. "A Slayer dream that features Los Angeles is hardly a sign that can just be ignored."

"The dream didn't feature any of you guys, so I figured it was none of your damned business. I barely know you, Wes, I hate your boss, and Cordelia's my ex."

"It's a question of professional courtesy, Xander," Wesley insisted. "And, if you had let us know you were in town because of a Slayer dream, it could have been relevant to us; at the very least, I'd have told you to go to Caritas."

"Cara-whatsit?" Xander crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Some kind of Watcher dream interpreter?"

"In a manner of speaking." Wesley allowed. "It's a bar, frequented by humans and peaceable - or mostly so, anyway - demons. The owner is able to help guide people on their paths. It's considered neutral ground, and demons can't commit violence there."

"So it's a seer/prohecy-type person then," Xander summarized, and Wesley let out an annoyed sigh. "I don't really need to know my future. I can spare myself the wasted trip: I'm a slayer, unless that changes, I'm dead in a few years anyway."

"He doesn't see your future... it's a greal more complicated than you're reducing it down to." Wesley paused, clearly trying to find the way to describe it.

"Wesley's right... I think." Cordelia interceded, feeling bad for Wesley trying to explain things to Xander. "I don't know how it works, but you go there, you sing," Xander made a face, opening his mouth, and Cordelia raised her voice, before he could interrupt her: "The Host reads your aura, and then he tells you something you need to know." She gestured over at Angel, "It helped when Angel needed to find someone."

"Oh boy, he helped Angel, that makes me even more thrilled to get his help," Xander snarked. "And singing? Is he a demon from Broadway?"

"Singing requires baring a part of your soul," Wesley started, sounding like he was ready to go into lecture-mode. "When you sing, the Host, connected to the mystic as he is, can read your destiny. He can't see it all, it's not as simple as seeing the future, but he'd be able to help you understand why you were called to Los Angeles."

Xander nodded along for a moment, "So basically, what I'm getting is... Angel sang?" He grinned. "Did someone bring a camera?"

"No," Angel said quickly, looking at Wesley, then her, as if they were going to produce a camera.

"No camera, which is probably for the best," Cordelia told him, trying not to shudder at the memory of Angel singing Mandy. It had started badly, but the painful awkwardness of Angel's delivery had taken it from 'not good' to 'physically harmful to watch'.

Xander laughed, "Sounds like a camera would have been fun, but okay." Xander let out a long sigh, looked away, then looked back at Cordelia, as if trying to read her expression. Then he pulled a hand down his face, turned back towards Wesley and with a slight groan asked: "Fine. So where is this... Caritas place anyway?"

Wesley gave an address, and Xander nodded. "Thanks." He started to turn around, then, after a moment, turned back. "Do any of you have paper and a pen?"

Wesley patted his pockets, "I should... ah, here," He took out one of those miniature spiral notepads and a pen, handing both to Xander. Xander scribbled down something, then tore off the page and handed the paper to Wesley, who took it, then frowned, brow furrowing.

"A phone number?"

"My cell." Xander explained. He rolled his eyes. "Look, I don't like your boss, and he don't like me, yada yada," Xander turned to look at Angel, "and I'll do my best to stay out of your spiky hair while I'm in L.A. BUT, if you ever need any kind of backup..." Xander made a face, turning back to Wesley "just give me a call, okay?"

Wesley looked over at Angel a moment, and Angel nodded, slowly, his face looking pensive...er, and then Wesley turned back to Xander.

"Your offer of help is appreciated." Wesley said, more that stiff, British formalness than he usually had these days in his voice. "We'll call if we need you."

"Good." Xander nodded back. He nodded to Wesley briefly, handing him his pen and paper back, then Xander looked over at her. He took a breath, "I guess I'll see you if I see you, Cordy," He added, turning back around and walking away, not looking back this time.

Cordelia stared at Xander as he walked away. Why did he leave Sunnydale? Yes, he'd refused to answer, but that was kind of the point. Xander only kept certain things that much to himself. How had things with his parents really were - they'd been dating for months before he let her know, and he'd never told Buffy or Willow, as far as she knew.

They certainly never knew about him camping during Christmas.

Why do I even care?Yes, she knew Xander, and he'd once been someone she cared about, and she didn't exactly hate him any more - not after he'd bought her the dress, and they'd had that... almost heart to heart goodbye before she'd left Sunnydale.

And yes, Xander, for all his failings, didn't deserve to be... you know, stuck. Cordelia had met a few trans women now, when she went to the right sort of bar. Xander was basically in the same situation as one of them, but in reverse.

Xander didn't deserve feeling like... how had the one woman described it? Everything just... a little wrong, uncomfortable without really being able to place why. The world is insane all around you and you know you're not who you should be.

Granted, Xander knew why things felt wrong, he had the answers trans people sometimes took years to figure out, but the point remained.

But still.

Why did she actually care why Xander had left Sunnydale? Or what Xander was doing. Is he just going to walk away? Where's he staying in L.A.?

And why had he come to L.A. Why the Slayer Dream? What would the Host tell him?

Why the hell do I care? He's Xander, and I'm long done with him.

October 12th, 2000

Caritas, Los Angeles

Okay, so why the hell am I here again?

Cordelia had come to Caritas a few times since that first visit, but always with Wesley to talk to a contact - usually that slimy little Merl - or one time to meet a client. But she'd never thought she'd just... come here.

It was still a little unsettling to be around so many weird demons, and even a few unsouled vampires. She got that most of the demons that actually came to Caritas were mostly nonviolent, and it was safe thanks to the sanctuary spell, but still.

The one thing she did have to give the place was that the bartenders didn't care too much if your ID that said you were over 21 wasn't the best fake.

Cordelia sipped at her rum and coke, wishing she could have afforded something higher quality, but tasted good, and it was cheap.

She knew why she was here, listening to a vampire sing 'It's Raining Men' in and out of tune. She was here hoping she'd catch Xander, coming to find out his destiny from the Host. Or whatever it was he'd hear from the anagogic demon.

But again, she asked herself - why the hell am I here?

Turning away from the stage, Cordelia looked to the entrance, watching a couple people come in, checking knives, guns, and a wooden stake. Was that a vial of holy water? The security scanner checked for that?

Probably magic, Cordelia decided. She looked down at her glass, and realized her rum and coke was nearly empty. She finished the rest of it, setting the glass aside.

Yes, she was curious about Xander's reasons for leaving Sunnydale, but why? She thought about calling Willow and asking, but given how evasive Xander was being about it, she might decide to keep it private, and... well, Cordelia didn't want Willow to know she was so curious about him.

Xander barely entered her thoughts most of the time - once in a while something would remind her of him, which annoyed her too, but she had known him for like, 12 years, since first grade, and he had been a part of her life for a long time, as a nemesis, then as a boyfriend, so it made sense -

But still. Only once in a while. Then Faith had shown up in his body, and she'd gotten to see her die in it, and boy hadn't that been a fun thing to add to her nightmares, along with all the... everything else she'd seen since Buffy had come to Sunnydale and her life had gone freakish and insane.

Then she'd mostly - mostly - managed to avoid thinking about what was happening, had he gotten a male body, or -

Cordelia was pulled out of her thoughts at the sight of Xander coming through security. He started to step through, and then the security scanner went off. The bouncer started to run the detector wand over Xander.

Xander was wearing a high-neck, long-sleeve dark green T-shirt. It fit loosely, but it still fit better than the kind of thing Xander was likely to have picked out for himself. The jeans he wore, on the other hand, fit really well, dark blue, and -

Oh no, you are not - you are not noticing how good Xander's legs look in those jeans! Cordelia told herself firmly, pulling her eyes way. They weren't even Xander's legs, they were Faith's, and of course Faith looked good in nearly everything! She was -

Well, Faith was sexy. She'd really played that up, a lot, going from just 'sexy' to full on slut, in the way she dressed and acted, but Faith looked good.

And so of course Xander looked good, and okay, so clearly he'd let Buffy talk him into wearing flattering jeans, but that didn't mean she was going to actually -

Stop it!

Cordelia went back to looking at Xander's face. He wasn't wearing even a little makeup, which didn't surprise her at all. Xander had been thoughtless about his appearance as a guy, so... yeah.

After some arguing with the bouncer, Xander had finally agreed to give up two stakes, a knife and some holy water, though he was apparently allowed to keep the silver cross. The bouncer pointed, and Cordelia followed to see he was gesturing to the sign-up list for the Karaoke, and Xander went over, putting in a name. Is he putting in Xander Harris?

Cordelia furrowed her brow, hating that she was now wondering what Xander's new identity was. He'd had the Council give Willow what she needed to make Xander a new identity while he was in Faith's body, but -

What name is he going by, for everyone else?

Xander turned away from the list, then he saw her, and did a double take. Then another one. Cordelia rolled her eyes, as Xander walked over to the table, sitting down across from her. He sat like a guy still, she noticed.

"So. This is where Cordelia Chase hangs out these days?" He sounded skeptical, and Cordelia scoffed.

"As if!" She stared at him for a moment, then she let out a long sigh. "Fine, I'm here because I figured you'd show up." She admitted, hating it, but not seeing a point in lying about it, given that he was right here in front of her.

"I'm flattered to hear that you care so much to stalk me," Xander told her, and Cordelia made a gagging sound.

"I don't care, I'm just -" Cordelia protested, then, "I'm just curious. You've been practically attached to Buffy since you met her, and then there's your precious Willow-"

"Cordy? Shut up," Xander grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Yes, Buffy and Willow are my best friends, but I am capable of not being around them all the time."

A sore spot.

Cordelia kept picking at it. "And then there's your girlfriend. Where is-"

"We broke up, okay!" Xander snapped. "We broke up, and I left Sunnydale because I was surrounded by reminders of the fact that as far as almost everyone I ever knew is concerned, Xander Harris is dead, and no spells Willow tried to get me a guy's body back worked, okay, is that what you wanted to hear, Cordelia?!" Xander wasn't shouting it from the rooftops, keeping a voice low enough that it probably didn't carry too far, but if he had, he'd have been yelling his words.

"It's an answer to my question, so yes." Cordelia admitted.

"Good, so maybe you can stop asking questions, okay?! And if Deadboy wants to know about Buffy he can call her himself. It's not like he doesn't know her number." Xander added, and Cordelia stared at him.

"I didn't even mention Angel. And the last thing any of us need is Buffy and Angel on regular speaking terms. Angel broods enough as it is." Cordelia let out a long breath.

I guess his reasons make sense. Cordelia would never have stayed in Sunnydale even if she'd had the chance or hadn't been set on making it in Hollywood - but if she had stuck around, everything would have reminded her of everything she'd lost, and Xander obviously had the same.

Even if... his loss is probably worse. Though Cordelia had lost a really nice pair of Boracchi heels, and then there were those dresses, and her horse -

Yeah, it about evened out, really. She'd lost her whole life too.

"How can you tell when he's not brooding? Does he look different?"

"I'll let you know when I figure it out," Cordelia answered Xander's question, unable to help smiling a little. Angel did stop brooding from time to time, but it was really hard to tell. "I've seen him smile a few times."

"No," Xander rejected immediately, but Cordelia nodded. "Angel smiled and his face didn't crack? Isn't that against... some sort of law? Like the kind they write on stone tablets?"

"No, Angel smiling isn't the scary part," Cordelia laughed, enjoying the chance to riff on her boss a little. She liked Angel, he was a friend, but he took everything so seriously most days, and he really, really did need to let up on the angst and brooding once in a while. And Wesley just didn't have the right sense of humor. Or any, really. "The scary part is when Angel decides to get in touch with his feelings and starts talking about how much he values his friends."

"That - there's no way that happened." Xander countered. "You're making that up."

"Are you calling me a liar?" Cordelia asked, and even though she'd said it pretty flatly, Xander flinched a little.

"No - I - just... how? Did he get drunk?" Xander grimaced. "Figures Angel would be a happy drunk."

"He got hit with some sort of magic whammy. Wolfram and Hart - yeah, same guys who kidnapped Faith - used it on a police station to get one of their clients free. All the cops got in touch with their feelings, and got all... sensitive and weepy and useless. Mostly, anyway." By the end, Detective Lockley had been able to fight, sort of, and then there was the part where she'd held Doyle and her at gunpoint to get them to let her leave.

"It was surreal," Cordelia finished. "We-" She trailed off, the other person in that 'we' being Doyle, and damned if she was going to talk about him with Xander.

"It was surreal," She repeated, firmly. Xander watched her, about to open his mouth to say something, but the demon that had been singing - some blue, fishy-looking one - finished up and the Host came back up to the microphone.

"Let's have a round of applause for Garivon the Toxic, and give a warm welcome to a new singer on the stage, Alexandra Turner, with a song about keeping on going no matter what comes your way!"

"Here goes nothing." Xander stood up - answering the question of what his new name was - and moving towards the stage as the people in the club gave a round of applause for 'Garivon' and then he and the Host moved off to the side, as Xander grabbed the microphone, looking like he really didn't want to be there. Then he started singing.

"We'll be singing. When we're winning. We'll be singing-" Xander started, and half the people in the bar joined in as Xander started in on the song itself. "I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down!"

Really, Xander? That song? Cordelia rolled her eyes, but couldn't help moving in her chair a little to the song. What? It was catchy!