Chapter 14

I wake up the next day, still riding the high from cliff jumping and spending time with Emily. I called my grandmother in Hawaii late last night and asked her for some Hawaiian recipes to try out this week for our picnic. I want to do this right, an actual picnic with a basket and a blanket on the grass and all. I head to work, seeing Matt and think about what Emily told me at the orchard, about how it's not quite right.

"You good?" Jake asks, when he passes me as I pace along the pool, lost in thought. "I can't believe you got banned from Synder's orchard!"

I grin at him. "Jealous?" He grins back, running his hands through his hair and I see something pass in his eyes. I've seen it before and I know that at some point this summer I'm going to have to break his heart. He waggles his eyebrows at me as he continues walking along the edge of the pool back to his seat at the entrance.

As I walk around the edge of the pool patrolling, I see Emily pull up on her bike and lock it to the stand outside the pool. She gets to the entrance of the pool and Jake nearly falls out of his chair when he notices her. I wonder, briefly, whether she's here to see me. The thought makes my heart hammer noisily in my chest. Even from here, I can tell that Jake's giving her a hard time. I see Emily looking past him, craning her neck to scan the pool area but I doubt she can see me with the lifeguard tower between us.

Emily tries to slide around Jake, but he stops her, reaching out his hand for money and I wonder if I should intervene. It's not so much that she needs rescuing, more that I want to be the kind of girl that rescues her. But Emily's got her hands on her hips and I remember that if there's one thing I know about her, it's that she can handle herself. I watch as she eventually capitulates and searches for money to give him. He points to where Matt is standing and all of a sudden I realize why she's here. Now I purposely make sure I'm hidden from her view as I watch her, not wanting her to see me, but wanting to know what will happen. Is she going to kiss Matt here and now and check it off the list? She strides towards Matt confidently and my heart sinks. I move into my seat at the deep end of the pool, now close enough to hear their conversation.

"Hi," Emily says and he looks over at her.

"Hi," Matt says, brushing his hair out of his eyes, not quite smiling at her. "What are you doing here?"

I can see panic and disappointment in Emily's face. She says nothing. The silence is getting awkward.

"I just wanted to say-" She starts again. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

He looks at her with hurt and I wonder if she hadn't yet apologized about what happened months ago. He doesn't say anything. He crosses his arms and glances over at the lifeguard table and I'm glad that I'm not there.

"Matt, I want to make this right," Emily says to Matt. "Tell me how to make this right." What if it just isn't right? I think to myself.

"I'm honestly surprised you want to, considering you haven't talked to me in weeks, never even bothering to give me an explanation," Matt says venomously and I cringe at the tone of his voice. Even he doesn't know why she did it then. Matt shakes his head in disgust and turns back to the vending machine.

"Matt," Emily says, her voice breaking. I hate hearing her like that. After picking his snack, I see him turn back to Emily and reach for her hand, but he stops short and his fingers fold into his palm, his hand balling into a fist, his arm recoiling as he turns and walks away.

I breathe a sigh of relief and immediately feel guilty. If this is really what she wants, I should be happy for her as her friend. But she wasn't really able to explain to him what's wrong between them, was she? And I know I'm falling for her hard and the idea of Emily going back to Matt is becoming more and more difficult to swallow. I watch as Emily stares at Matt's retreating back. I see what Emily sees in him. He's very cute, with his floppy brown hair long on the top of his head, short at the bottom. And he sounds like he treats her well. They have so much history together, history that I'm not a part of and never will be. I see Emily's eyes travel over to me, contemplative, and I hope she can't tell that I've been watching them intensely. I push my sunglasses on top of my head when I see her looking at me.

"You good?" I mouth, watching as the deep sun lands on her skin, throwing her in blinding light. She nods even though we both know she isn't. She swallows and looks quickly away, looking at the lifeguard table who is still staring at her like she's auditioning. She makes a beeline for the exit, obviously eager to get out of here. I'll have to catch up with her later, when there aren't so many prying eyes. Maybe the list will help Emily actually find herself and realize that she doesn't belong with Matt.

Cassie Evans stares at Emily her entire way out and I'm thankful that looks can't actually kill.