Chapter 18
The wind tugs at Emily's hair, throwing brown strands of hair into the air as we drive. I try not to watch her too much, but eventually I notice just how chaotic her hair is and hand her a hair tie. I glance down at our hands when she reaches out, liking the way her creamy skin stands out against my tan color. Looking at her, I'm realizing just how bleak the weather in Huckabee really is. Maybe next summer, I'll look like that too. She pulls her hair into a messy bun and I can see the delicate curve of her neck out of the corner of my eye. I grip the steering wheel hard and focus on the road ahead. Sometimes, just looking at her makes me ache.
Emily takes a deep breath in and I wonder what she is thinking about. Is she still worrying about her father? Fearing the move? Missing her mother? But then I realize that she's staring at me and I hope, for a moment, maybe she's thinking about me. What does she think of me?
"What?" She shakes her head, turning her attention to the road in front of us.
"Nothing." A faint blush creeps up Emily's neck and into her cheek. She reaches to turn up the music instead. We've been taking turns picking songs and I love learning this part of Emily. She's really into St. Vincent right now and although I'd never heard of her, I like her music a lot. I looked her up after the first time Emily player her music for me. "We should go to one of her concerts if she tours nearby."
"I hear she's incredible live," I say, nodding eagerly. Most of the trip has been like this. So far, beside the concert we've made a bunch of plans for what I hope will be beyond the summer and lets me imagine a future with Emily. And I don't even mean a romantic one. "Do you think you'd like going to college in the city?"
Emily doesn't respond immediately. "I've only been to New York City once. I went with my mom pretty close to Christmas when I was a kid." She's lost in memory for a moment. "But maybe? I think I might. I haven't been there in years so I can't really say."
"We should take a trip there sometime. Hang out. See a musical. Maybe visit a couple of colleges." Maybe end up in the same town next year.
She nods. "We could do like a college road trip maybe?" The truck growls loudly when I try to accelerate past 65 miles an hour. I pat the dash sympathetically.
"Totally game. But we may have to borrow someone's care for that."
I'm starting to smell the beach as we get closer and my whole body tingles with excitement. The sun is already lowering when we pack and I'm glad that we're already wearing swimsuits so we don't lose any time. I jump out and pull down the surfboards, handing mine to Emily since she's a lot shorter and my dad's will be too big for her.
"That one's mine," I say.
"Yeah, Blake. I figured." I love the way my name sounds on her lips. I laugh and nudge her and I could swear actual sparks fly when I touch her. When I see the water, I suddenly have an intense feeling of being at home. The feel of the sand running through my toes swirls nostalgia through me. I've forgotten just how much I missed this. I take a deep breath, trying to still the feelings crashing in me.
"I've missed this," I say. I can feel Emily watching me.
"You wish you were back there?" she asks. "I mean, not that Hawaii could ever compare to this."
I watch the water, unsure how to answer. How can I tell her that I've lost something, but gained something else? "I definitely miss it. I think it was hard to leave the place that had so much of my mom in it, you know? The place my parents fell in love and the beaches they hung out on? The place where I grew up. Especially when I feel so far from her already." Emily nods. "And to be honest? I miss my friends. I miss my grandparents. I miss all the familiar places and things and people."
I meet Emily's eyes for a moment, but I can't bear to look at her to tell her this next part. "But if I were back there, I wouldn't become friends with you." I don't tell her how she has made the move worth it. She doesn't respond and I'm honestly glad.
"You gonna teach me what exactly to do with this thing? I mean if I wanted to drown at the beach, I probably could have found a way without the prop."
"Nope," I say as we walk down to the water. "I figured I'd let you wing it."
But I teach her the basics of surfing, from how to paddle out to finding the sweet spot on the board. On the fourth try, Emily succeeds with a combination of luck, skill, and low tide. I can see that she's a mix of proud and terrified and I'm proud of her of being scared and doing it anyways. I see her eyes dart around in panic until they land on me and her expression calms. I use my swimming lessons coach voice to instruct Emily, hoping I can keep her steady, secretly elated that I'm the reason she feels this.I know that Matt just doesn't make her feel this way.
The rest of the world feels an eternity away, even though there are other people out on the water with us. Emily and I stop trying new things when the sun starts to set in earnest, the two of us just sitting on our surfboards as we watch the sky change from a light blue to purple and red as the orange dips lower in the sky. Emily lets out a long breath and I feel the exact same, the tension I've been holding about moving here and leaving my friends behind melting away for a brief moment. I feel like myself again and part of that is definitely being here in the water, but a large part is being here with Emily. It's like I've spent a lot of time with Emily letting me into her world of Huckabee but I've also let Emily into my world of cliffs and Hawaian food and water.
I study Emily out of the corner of my eye as she watches the sun setting, lost in thought. She is so beautiful, it makes me dizzy. She tips her head back to look at the seagulls in the sky and my gaze lingers down the column of her neck.
"Just like your bracelet," she says and I crane my neck to look up at them, nodding in agreement. This bracelet doesn't belong to me and it's time that I told her that. I think back to when my father gave it to me, right before we moved here, when he told me about his extremely brief relationship with Julia before Joe and Julia were together. At the time, it didn't even occur to me how much this bracelet might mean to Emily but as I watch her desperately cling to anything that reminds her of her mother, I know it will mean a lot more to her than to me. I don't think Emily knows and it's too awkward to tell her about it. I take the bracelet off and when she tears her eyes away from the birds, she sees it. Emily reaches out her hand and I carefully wrap the bracelet around her wrist, my fingertips charged at every point we touch.
"Your mom gave it to my dad when they were in high school and my dad gave it to me when we were moving to Huckabee. He said she got it on a beach trip they went on. I've honestly been trying to find the time to give it to you, and, well, this feels pretty perfect," I say, snapping it on. "It's made it's way home now."
Emily looks at me in wonder. She drops her gaze to the bracelet, thinking hard. Tears spring into Emily's eyes and my heartstrings tug, seeing her overcome with emotion. Without even thinking, I reach my hand out to wipe her cheek, shivering at the warmth and softness of her skin. She looks up at me and she doesn't look sad anymore. She looks how I feel, charged with some unnamed emotion. Desire, maybe. It feels like that moment before a kiss, when the air is charged with electricity and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, my hand cupping Emily's face as my thumb strokes across her cheek.
This is it, I think looking at her with want. And she doesn't look away.