Once again, I'd like to express my gratitude for my followers, users who favorited me and my story, and the anonymous readers throughout the world who stopped by to check this in. You really inspired me to carry on in times of doubt!
The following chapters will be less action-oriented. I know I promised a big one now, and it was literally so big, I had to divide it in three, so please bear with me.
Self-Discoveries, Part 1: Saudade
"Congratulations, dear Ryuji," the masked figure solemnly told to the demon Zagan. "You pursued the incubus and left him weak enough. You still failed to beat him with your strength nonetheless, so I will take over from here. You are now relieved of your duties. Rest now."
Having said this, the villain unwrapped the bandages in his left arm. Some kind of phantasmagoric smoke came out of where the hand was supposed to be, but then some kind of beam was formed, which hit Zagan in the chest. The pain was unbearable since it also penetrated through its innards. Dis Pater then left the demon for dead and turned his attention back to his main aim, Astar. Immediately, he took his incubus form and flew away, but he could still feel the presence of the strange figure closing in. Or at least as far as he knew.
"You can no longer escape from me, incubus. I can see you, even when you think you are invisible."
He had to fly away fast, to the safest place he could go... But where exactly? If he returned to Arisugawa Park, the villain would most likely maim or kill the homeless men that took him in. If he went back to Usagi's house, he would implicate her family, and the same thing would happen if he went to the home of any of the others. His lack of nourishment started to hit him hard after just a few minutes of chase, so he ended gliding down to the harbor zone. He hoped he could make Dis Pater lose sight of him among the labyrinth of warehouses and containers, but he found no such luck - the villain was able to corner him between two warehouses in a dead end.
"Nothing and no one can save you now," Dis Pater affirmed as he took the bandages off his right arm, which took the shape of a purple blade which he used to stab the incubus on the stomach. Astar fell on his knees, bracing his abdomen in pain.
"It is not convenient for your human part to die so soon. Otherwise, your soul returns to the Hades. I need you alive and in one piece. This gaping wound will guarantee you shall not run far."
"What... do you want... from me?"
The frown on Dis Pater's hannya mask formed a ghoulish grin. "Long story short, you are the last of the Angels."
"I am... I'm what!?"
"Do not tell me you have forgotten who you are. You were never just an incubus. Those came long after the formation of the Dreaming and the Hades, two of the circles of Existence. How exactly you became one, I do not know, nor do I care to know. Your ilk did not simply live on this universe... You created it! Your powers to bend reality are vestiges of your true heritage. And they will be useful to undo the works of the Warrior Princesses. Or Sailor Guardians, as they are now. That is why I summoned you on this world... Or better yet, awakened you. I do wonder what an all-powerful being like you was doing living like a lowly mendicant."
"I am not... I'm just an incubus! That's all there is to me..."
"Again with this hog-dropping," the villain complained as he raised his sword-arm for a thrust. "You have no idea how hard it was to find the sigil that would permit your summoning. It cost many lives, just so you know. If you are not willing to help me through peaceful means, then-"
"Stay the hell away from him!" a male voice said from atop a warehouse. It was Tuxedo Mask, who managed to reach the place just in time. He leaped in front of Astar, pointing the palm of his right hand towards the villain. It started to emit a yellow glow. "One more step and you are done for."
"You..." The villain, for his part, seemed to recognize the figure. Immediately, he retreated through the shadows and sank himself to run away.
"Damn coward," Tuxedo Mask muttered under his breath as he turned around and went to where Astar fell. "Astar! Dear goodness..."
"You... Uh... You know my name..."
"Of course I do! Look..." Tuxedo Mask then took off his mask and turned back to his civilian self. "It's me, Fengari!"
The incubus' eyes widened as he saw his friend. "Amazing..."
"I didn't lie when I told you my lot in life is helping people. Let me help you now."
But when he used his powers, rather than closing his wound, all Fengari did was hurting Astar even more. He backed off in pain, covering the wound with his hands. Fengari also felt some sort of acidic burn on the tip of his left index and middle fingers, with which he tried to reach to the point where he was stabbed. The blood of the incubus reacted this way to his human skin.
"What... What's going on? Why did I hurt you when I was supposed to heal you?"
"Since you revealed something to me... I must reveal something to you. I am an incubus. I am a demon... And I think your powers... They are not supposed to do any good to my kind..."
"So, you are the incubus Setsuna told me about... She told me to go after an incubus, and that I could feel his signal, but I never thought it was you."
"Setsuna... Who is that?"
"She is a friend of mine, and she can help you get better. She works at the University Hospital, not too far away from here. Her shift at the hospital begins tomorrow in the morning, but until then I think you can receive first aid like a normal human being. Let me help you get there..."
Fengari used a piece of his shirt's cuff to at least stop Astar's bleeding, then propped up and helped Astar walk towards the closest street, where they called for a taxi and asked the driver to take them to the University Hospital. Seeing the gravity of Astar's situation, the cab agreed to go fast and not charge the midnight fare.
"I'm sorry, Fengari..." Astar said as he still pressed the makeshift patch on his stomach.
"Huh? Why are you apologizing? You haven't done nothing wrong."
"Yes. Yes, I did... I entered the mind of the Sailor Guardians, and I... oh..."
"Easy now," he said while tending to the incubus. "Any harsh movement and the bleeding starts over. Tell me, what exactly is it that you have done wrong?"
"I just... Wanted to feed myself, you see... Incubi feed on pent-up energy and are attracted by negative emotions linked to love and desire... And for that, we enter their Dreamscapes... I guess I... I violated them somehow. I thought I could help them if I did this, but I didn't... I made things worse for everyone... I bet they all hate me..."
"Come on now, there was no way of knowing that. And if you get the chance to speak to them, you will see they are all marvelous and understanding women. I'm sure they will comprehend why you did what you had to do. Especially if you help them get their powers back!"
"I can... still help, right?" he said with a spark of hope.
"Absolutely," Fengari confidently asserted.
"Alright, boys, University Hospital." The cabby told them upon arriving at the front entrance. "Fare is 4000 yen."
Fengari ponied up the cash, then helped Astar get off the car and go to the main lobby. Luckily, it was a fairly uneventful night and there were plenty of vacancies, so the incubus was immediately admitted for surgery and recovery.
"Remember what I told you. Good luck," the hero wished his friend as he was put on a stretcher and carried away. Only when he left the hospital did he allow himself a yawn and some stretches. After a long day of pursuits, his eyes were weighing and his body was giving in to slumber. It was time to return home.
(xx)
It was about eleven in the morning when Astar groggily woke up in a single hospital room. The rays of the morning sun could be seen refracted through the room's windows. A woman in her mid-to-late twenties with swarthy skin and dark-greenish hair and wearing a full medical uniform sat beside him.
"Good morning, Astar," she greeted warmly. "I hope you are feeling better now. The surgery was a success, and thankfully you have no compromised organs. Just don't move around too much the rest of the day, so the wound can properly close and heal."
Indeed, when Astar lifted the cover of his bed, he saw the stabbing wound on his belly was properly sutured and patched up. "Thank you very much, doctor..."
"Meioh. Setsuna Meioh. We have met before, though not in the best of circumstances. Remember the talk I told you we needed to have? We can talk now."
Upon saying this, Astar realized not only this was the friend Fengari told him would care for him, but she was also Sailor Pluto, the one who restarted the flow of time that he inadvertently stopped. If Fengari recommended, and she took good care of him so far, he could trust her with his deepest secrets. He told her about his encounters with the Sailor Guardians, as well as his altercation with the one named Dis Pater.
"So, this figure is after you because of your powers as an Angel?"
"Yes, he told me so," he worriedly answered. "I'm afraid of what I can end up doing. I mean, you saw it, I stopped time somehow. And then there are the Sailor Guardian's powers being deactivated by my work... Three of them, at least, but still."
"The time stopping is easily resolved with a spell only I can perform. Now, about the deactivation of Ami's, Makoto's, and Rei's powers... Yes, that's the most serious situation. Something tells me it happened because of your demonic nature. But I believe we can undo this one way or the other."
Astar's expression brightened up upon hearing this. "We can? Really?"
"Yes, and not just that. They can come back even more powerful than before, all with your help. You saw some of their deepest memories, past and current, right? I know about Dreamscapes and their function as one of the bases of Existence. These all guard some deep-seated memories and dreams that not even us know about. You certainly saw a few of them, if only the ones regarding their intimate desires. If you approach the Guardians and tell them of these in a friendly and respectful manner, you will already give a huge step forward, not only to recover their powers but to become their friend."
"Well... Thinking in those terms, I guess I could do that, yes."
"Furthermore, me and my current partner, Professor Souichi Tomoe, can help you so you don't need to invade women's minds ever again to nurture yourself. He can also research about Angels, and how you and your powers can help the Guardians on our mission."
"That... would be great. All of that. Thank you again, Dr. Meioh." he affirmed with a sincere and relieved smile.
"No problem," Setsuna answered warmly. "Oh, and you can call me Setsuna just fine, okay? I'm still working on my doctorate, so I'm not quite a 'doctor' yet, and even then, I'm not one to like being referred to with titles. Now, if you excuse me, I gotta return to work. If you need something or see something suspicious, press the red button on the telephone to your right side. Rest easy, Astar, because everything will be alright in the end. See you!"
Setsuna then got up from the chair, closed the room's curtains, and left the room. Astar could finally breathe a sigh of relief and look forward to peaceful times and quiet slumbers, starting right then.
(xx)
In the corner of his improvised base, Dis Pater stood by the only mirror in the house, looking at his demonic figure. Lost in thought, he stood there for hours, and the only movement was the shaking of his fists by his side. Something disturbed the villain's mind.
"Dis Pater, you are seething in rage," the mysterious voice from the shadows said. "That's not like you at all."
"Ah... Indeed, it is not. It seems I still have shades of my human self."
"As the last surviving member of the Morning Star Retinue, allow me to suggest you something. Lie low for a while. Plan carefully your next steps. We still have time."
Dis Pater stood in silence once again. He seriously pondered about the mysterious helper's reasonings behind his suggestion.
"You... You have a point. Forgive my curtness, Fréamund. I have been too obsessed with one single plan, and with my grudges, that I could not see the bigger picture. Again, holdovers from my past life. I cannot let the death of the other members of the Retinue be in vain."
The man in the shadows chuckled a bit. "It's alright. When we are done and the Sailor Guardians are no more, this will all be worth their sacrifices, I am sure of it. Now if you excuse me, I must seek the materials to begin the opening of the gates to the Hades, since it's no easy task. And to build another effigy, just in case."
In response, it was Dis Pater's turn to laugh. "I wish I could give you the benefit of trust, dear Fréamund. Please understand the reasons I cannot do so, even though so far you have been nothing but... loyal to me."
(~~)
Diary Entry
I know there is a good reason I was taken out of the void I was pushed into. I know the Morning Star Retinue did not die in vain in their attempt to summon the Fallen Angel to their side in that night, only to end up with me instead.
I do not expect anybody to read these notes I write to myself. This is an old habit of my past life which I have kept. But in the event someone reads this, let it be known that I am not doing this for my sake, or the enduring allures of abstractions such as honor, glory, and power. I am fully aware of what crowns, titles, ranks and other signs of power do to the minds of mere mortals. I am doing this to avenge the billions of souls that perished across the ages so that the supposed Utopia carried on by the Warrior Princesses could be realized. I am doing this to avoid a new Cataclysm. To break the wheel of destiny and avoid another Cycle. To free what is left of sentient life from their misguided yoke.
As for you, Endymion, you son of a thousand whores. Someday, I will lay my hands upon you. I will tear out your limbs, and leave you screaming for a swift death, which you will not have. I will destroy all you love the most, and I will tear out your eyelids so you can not unsee the hell of your own making. And once it is all done, you will boil and drown in a sea of excrement for the rest of eternity, with only your head sticking out to watch your beloved Serenity crucified, bleeding to death and rotting away right in front of you. Nothing short of this will even begin to placate the pure HATE I have for you.
Turns out I am still a slave to my human feelings. I could have sworn I had given up on my humanity long ago, and yet...
I digress. Fréamund has a point in telling me to wait. I must seek other alternatives, for I cannot simply depend on the incubus to undo the Cycle. He is the easiest path, yes, but certainly not the only one for it. Hopefully, the opening of the gates to Hell can be done, and the demons can overcome the Guardians with ease, to the point even the Demigoddesses will be powerless.
I must act. Sooner or later I will act. For the sake of the Universe.
(~~)
The next few days were of relative tranquility for the Sailor Guardians. No demons attacked for the rest of the week. The only thing that caught their attention were the disclosure of the mid-term exam scores. Thanks to the study buddy sessions over at Rei's house, they all achieved excellent results inside their expectations.
"YAHOO!" Usagi and Minako yawped towards the heavens as they leaped in celebration. They scored well enough to raise their scores to barely above average.
"Oh, if I didn't take too much time in the sinusoidal identity question, I would have scored a perfect 100. Gotta study more!" Ami somewhat lamented, while the others sweatdropped. She was naturally the top scorer.
"My aunt is gonna be thrilled when she sees the school report," Makoto stated. She managed to enter the top 10 scorers.
As they left the school, each of the girls received a voicemail from Setsuna in their communicators. If it was her to send this message, it was certainly for a good reason.
"Hello, everyone. I have an important message to the Inner Guardians: I have spoken to the incubus who infiltrated your minds. He spent the last days hospitalized here at the University Hospital after being attacked by the one called Dis Pater. He is not a bad person at all, and in fact, he is willing to help you all. I advised him to give a visit to every one of you, and I give you my word he will be there to listen to what you have to say and give some insight, based on what he has seen inside your minds, and he will not try anything else against you. Over and out."
It was eight in the night when the doorbell rang in the Tsukino household. Usagi was lounging around the house when she heard the doorbell and promptly answered. She saw a tall young man with long, slick black hair wearing a dirty wool cap, denim jacket and pants, and a pair of worn-out Chuck Taylors.
"Umm, may I help you?" Usagi asked.
"How rude for me to not introduce myself. I am Astar, the incubus. Setsuna must have told you about me already."
The bun-headed girl gasped. "W-w-what!? Are you the guy who entered our minds?"
"If you don't believe me, I can prove it." He stepped to the side, then briefly took on his demonic form, which was invisible and intangible to humans. After a couple of seconds, he returned to his human form, feeling a slight bout of tiredness. "Sorry... I'm still not recovered from an attack I suffered."
Usagi saw it but could not believe it. She didn't even know how to react - should she be angry for being the catalyst of the attacks that took place across the latest days? Should she be glad that the demon appeared and seems to be willing to cooperate? He had Setsuna's vouch, and the Silver Crystal inside her Compact did not react abnormally to his presence, which meant he could at least be trusted to a degree.
"I deeply apologize for the problems I caused," he continued. "It is of my nature to be like this, and if you are upset and angry at me, I will understand. It only happened... because I was summoned to do so. It was this man who calls himself Dis Pater. He called for me, using the blood of a virgin girl in a summoning ritual. Until then, I was living my life as an anonymous drifter. A hobo, so to speak. But ever since I became aware of my real identity, I forgot almost all of my memories as a human being, even my name."
"Really... So an incubus is a demon who enters women's minds and, uh, sleeps with them inside their heads?"
"Well, that's a simple way of putting it, yes. As an incubus, I feed on the pent-up energy from women with some kind of sexual frustration." The mention of 'sex' made Usagi blush. "Normally, it's succubi who go after men, but there are exceptions. Anyway, all of you emitted the kind of energy that attracts those of my ilk. The fact you were Sailor Guardians probably amplified it. All of you, and to make up for what I have done... I wish to help you out with your problems."
After wondering for all of three seconds, Usagi agreed to let Astar in. He was formally introduced to her parents as a "friend", and being accepted as such made Astar feel relieved and confident. They headed to Usagi's bedroom for their talk.
"Look, first of all, I gotta introduce you to my friend and advisor. Luna, this is Astar, the incubus. He's here to help us all, isn't that great? No need to hide your secret."
Luna cleared her throat and spoke: "If Usagi trusts you, I guess I could give you the benefit of trust as well."
"Oh, thank you very much!" he answered warmly.
"You're... not impressed with hearing a cat talk?" Usagi asked.
"Not at all," he answered as he took off his denim jacket, putting it over the back of the chair he sat on. "I remember that down in the Underworld, there are all sorts of creatures, including talking cats. I believe an old deity called Bast is responsible for them."
"Amazing..." The mention of Bast piqued the wise cat's attention. "The Underworld exists as a place for damned souls?"
"Yes, it does. It has many names. Hell, the Hades, Underworld and so it goes. Though it's not necessarily just for people who were considered evil on Earth. I cannot give many details about it, for there is only so much I know."
"Hmm, creepy but interesting," Usagi said as she sat on her bed. "So, how exactly could you help us?"
"In my quest to sate my needs, I saw some of the Guardians' dreams and memories, and these could be the key for the ones who lost their powers to recover them, or at least solve some issues that hold them back. In your case, I never even met your inner self to have my way with it, which explains why you retained your powers."
"You didn't see anything embarrassing about me, did you?" Usagi sheepishly asked.
"Oh-ho, no, nothing at all. Before I could go far inside your Dreamscape, a woman who looked just like you expelled me from your mind. She claimed to be your mother."
"Queen Serenity! She was my mother in my past life... She gave her own life so that we could all be reborn in this day and age. It's a long story."
Upon hearing this, Astar turned his head and started to think in silence.
"Something the matter?" asked Luna.
"No, no, I was just wondering... Can a soul still live on inside the mind of another person? Normally, they ascend to either Heaven or Hell, or aimlessly haunt the surface world as ghosts. But you are telling me your mother in your past life is still there. Perhaps she descended from Eden just for that? I don't know, this is also new to me."
"I never understood it either, and I never bothered to question it," Usagi said. "Anyway, you said you got attracted by pent-up energy, right?"
"Yes, and it means you have some kind of affective frustration."
"Oooh! I know what that is! It's my boyfriend Mamoru! You see, it's been a year since he's been away in America so he could get a master's degree in biomedicine. He was supposed to do that before, but... We had to sort out some issues, so it took some time for him to go. We talk every Saturday night, but sometimes I feel it's still not enough..."
Astar looked at a picture that was placed. It was of Usagi and Mamoru together, and when he looked at it, he noticed the young man bore a striking resemblance to his friend Fengari. He quickly glanced away and started to think about what the girl had just told him about their relationship.
"Ah, I get it!" Astar affirmed as he snapped his fingers. "Your frustration is borne simply of saudade."
"Saudade? What is that?" The Guardian asked.
"It is a word in the Portuguese language that describes the feeling of missing something or someone. You dearly miss your beloved, and this saudade is causing you to grown anxious and frustrated."
"Yes, you're right. I long for his embrace, his touch... He always had time for me, and he loved me honestly despite myself. I mean, I'm such a childish basket case, and he's so mature to the point of aloofness... Oh, do you see this ring?" She showed her hand in which she wore the pearl ring Mamoru had given to her before his travel abroad. "He gave me this with the promise he would be back after pursuing his dream, I even remember him saying 'I want to marry you as soon as possible'. We want to spend the rest of our days together, so every day I'm far from him is like torture, you know?"
"Here's the thing, though. Saudade is not necessarily a negative emotion. It means you have some happy memories of the target of your affections. It can be negative if you can't let go despite the fact you can no longer retrieve them, like people who died or places that no longer exist. But in this case, it is of a very living person who loves you as much as you love him, and he will certainly be eventually by your side. I say keep on living your life, and don't let the saudade you feel for Mamoru consume you."
Usagi was visibly misty-eyed at learning about the exact definition of what she felt at that moment. "Oh, sorry for going emotional there, Astar."
The incubus smiled. "No problem. Let it all out, because keeping these feelings bottled up does you no good."
"Terrible idea," quipped Luna as she got in catloaf position. "Usagi is incredibly emotional. She cries over tokusatsus on TV and gaining half a pound in weight!"
"Zip it, Luna!" she playfully quipped back. "Don't mind her, Astar. I don't cry as much as I used to, just so you know."
The incubus simply chuckled. "Anyways, about your boyfriend... he will be back, right?"
"Yes! He is set to return in December, but it's still a long way to go."
"Then, I see no reason for you to worry. You already speak to him on the regular, and I think a few months of wait won't hurt, after all this time apart."
"I pretty much told her that already," Luna once again intervened. "You think it worked? No way, it didn't."
Again, Astar only laughed a bit at Luna's goading. "Now, before I go, let me ask you something: Do you have dreams of your own?"
Usagi pondered for a short while before giving out her answer: "I wish to help people. As many people as possible, as much as possible. This is a harsh and unjust world, where oppression and pain run rampant across the lands for any reason, and I want to use my powers to correct this." She preferred not to mention her heritage as the future Neo-Queen Serenity.
Astar nodded and smiled. "I trust you can do it. You are the one named Sailor Moon, after all."
Usagi and Luna accompanied the incubus to the door. The mix of emotions during their conversation had her at a strange state of satisfaction, happiness and longing. "I enjoyed a lot spending time with you! I don't even know why, though. We never met before, and you did some nasty stuff to us... But that doesn't matter anymore, to me you made up for it. So don't worry about it, we are good acquaintances now. And to be honest, I feel so relieved in talking about this to you. I mean, my friends are all tired of hearing me gush all over Mamoru, so talking to someone else was pretty good for a change. I think you'll do great with the others."
Astar drew a large smile. "You don't imagine how happy I am of hearing this. What else could I possibly say? Thank you for your trust as well, Luna!"
"Meow!" Luna answered like a normal house cat since she was within Ikuko's hearing range.
"Well, I'll be on my way now. Take care of yourselves. Be seeing you!" They waved their goodbyes, and Astar walked away to return to the place he called home, now with a new perspective.
Helping people, as many and as much as possible... It feels good. I should do this more often. What could I do for the boys over at Arisugawa Park? Let's see...
(xx)
The ghastly figure of Dis Pater peered at the incubus talk to Usagi from afar, observing as he left her home and went his way. But instead of chasing him, Dis Pater simply stood there, lurking in the shadows. For the first time in a long time, he was feeling a volley of human sensations. He closed his shaky fist at the prospect of still being, as he put it himself, a 'slave to human emotions.'
"Why do I feel like this?" he questioned as he sank in the shadow of the corner. "Why do I feel at all?"
In the next chapter, we will see the other Guardians' insights, and the villain's master plan starting to come to fruition. Stay tuned!
Best regards from The Hospitaller Knight.