Episode 4: Should I Phone Once More? Part 2

Cincinnati, OH

"Hello?"

"What brought you back to Cabot Cove? I remember what you said about Ruth," said Jessica quietly. "But why Cabot Cove? You could have gone anywhere. Why choose Cabot Cove?"

"Well hello to you too, Jess!" Seth chuckled. "That's quite a question. I have one for you. Are you sorry I did?"

"No! Of course not! I've just been wondering, that's all."

"You undoubtedly heard all about me when I moved back home."

"Some," admitted Jessica reluctantly. "But you know I don't pay attention to idle gossip, Seth."

"It's a long time to hold on to your curiosity."

"I'm strategic."

Seth guffawed. "Is that so?"

"Aren't all women?"

"Now that sounds a little sexist, Jess," Seth teased.

"Perhaps, but if you study human history, you'll discover that women were often compelled to be strategic."

"I'll concede the point, Mrs. Fletcher." He was enjoying this almost flirtatious banter. He settled back more comfortably into his pillows. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything, but I'll settle for anything you'll tell me. At least for tonight."

Seth laughed again, but he sobered quickly. "I was a wreck when Ruthie died, Jess. I don't have to tell you what that's like."

"No," agreed Jessica softly.

"Margie and I muddled through, then she went away to college. Not terribly far, but far enough to where it was a little challenging to come home very often." He sighed. "I had a lot of time on my hands." For a long moment, he could hear only the sound of Jessica's steady breathing. "You asked me the other night if I'd been involved with anyone."

"Seth, you don't have to—"

"I do, Jess. I think it's important to be, what did you say the other night? Forthright? Yes, I think I ought to be forthright. Don't worry," he added hastily. "It won't be a detailed retelling. But you want to know why I came back to Cabot Cove, undoubtedly because you've heard what an awful SOB my father was, and how…spartan…my childhood was, and you can't imagine why I'd want to come back to a place with such painful memories. And what I'm about to tell you is a big reason why."

Seth waited for Jessica to respond, and when she didn't, he took a deep breath and began. "I was a very careful young man, Jessica. From a very young age, I saw what I didn't want. And I knew what it was to be responsible for someone else. I wasn't about to put myself in a position of being responsible for more than I could handle. Not that I wasn't tempted, but I was careful. Strategic, you might say," and they laughed together companionably.

"Then the war came. I enlisted as soon as I could, and they shipped me overseas as soon as they could. We had to take all kinds of tests in the army, physical but also mental. Turns out I wasn't as dumb as some folks thought."

"Oh, Seth," murmured Jess.

He cleared his throat. "It's alright, Jess. Everything turned out mostly alright in the end."

Jess was relieved to hear the smile in his voice. "It's not the end yet," she said merrily.

Seth swallowed. Oh what you do to me, woman. "You're right, Jess. We've still got some life in us yet, don't we?"

"I hope more than a little. But you were telling me about your time in the army."

"So I was. A few of us tested into the flight school. Paratroopers. A few weeks down in Florida, then a couple of months in England with the RAF. We knew we were training for something big."

"D-day?" asked Jessica tentatively.

"A-yuh. Not many people know that about me," he cautioned.

"Oh, Seth," she breathed. "No one will hear it from me, but I should think you'd be proud."

"If you had seen what I did, Jess, proud wouldn't be the word that came to mind. War is ugly. Frank must've told you some."

"He did," offered Jess slowly, "but it seems to me Korea was much different than World War II."

"I can't say for certain, Jess. And I wouldn't ever disparage another man's service by comparing it to mine. I only know what I saw—what I did—and it was terrible."

"You don't have to—"

"I can't," he assured her hastily. "Not really. There are things I never even told Ruthie. Things I couldn't, wouldn't, want to tell anyone."

"Oh, Seth. I'm so sorry." She had an almost overwhelming desire to gather him in her arms. "I wish I were home right now."

"So do I, Jess. I miss you when you're gone," he ventured carefully.

"I feel the same."

A comfortable silence stretched between them. These conversations had helped them grow closer, but Seth was reluctant to put too much strain on this new bond. "I strayed a little off track, Jess. I was trying to explain, in a roundabout way, why I chose to come back to Cabot Cove."

"I am curious."

"As I said, I was a careful young man. I didn't want to be anything like my father." The rancor in his voice startled Jessica, and her heart seized when she heard him draw in a long, slow breath. "But even the most assiduously careful young man can make a mistake. Perhaps such a man is even more inclined to mistake making than the reckless fool," Seth mused. "I can't explain it, Jess, but it was almost akin to an hysteria. We were outwardly calm because we had to be." He sighed. "And we were young. I wasn't much more than 18. We were young, arrogant bucks facing a life-and-death situation. It wasn't long before the fellas and I were out boozing and, well…I just wasn't the man I wanted to be, Jessie."

Jess got an unexpected thrill from hearing him use that long dormant nickname.

"When I got home, I wanted to close the door on that part of my life, for many reasons. I kept myself busy with school and work. I met Ruth when I was a resident. She was two years old than I, you know."

"I didn't know that."

Seth chuckled softly. "She was a little sensitive about it, but I told her I'd always been attracted to older women. She was a real firecracker."

"She must have been, to tempt you."

"How do you mean?" asked Seth, curious.

"Well, someone as intelligent and exacting as you would have to marry a woman who couldn't be easily bossed about. As happy as your marriage was, I assumed Ruth had to be pretty strong-willed."

"A-yuh," Seth laughed. "She didn't let me get away with anything, and I'm a better man for it." Seth paused. "Once I was on my own, really on my own again, I just did any old thing I wanted, and damn the consequences. It wasn't until later, much later, I realized just how fortunate I'd been in having Ruthie for my wife." He sighed. "And how I'd dishonored her memory by the way I'd been behaving. I thought…I thought if I could just go home, just get back to that boy, that young man I'd been, I could be the man Ruth expected me to be." He sighed. "Plus it was easier being here where so few people had known her. In Portland she was everywhere. Here, she's just in my heart."

Jessica's heart seized. "That's lovely, Seth," she said softly.

"So you see I've got clay feet, Jessica," he said in a falsely jovial tone. "Not that you ever thought I was perfect."

"Nobody's perfect, but I think you come awfully close." They were quiet for a few moments, each lost in thought. "Thank you, Seth."

"For what?"

"For confiding in me, trusting me."

"There's no one I trust more, woman," said Seth, his voice a low rumble.

Jessica smiled. "I don't think I realized it until just now, but I feel the same about you." Seth held his breath. "Good night, Seth."

He exhaled. "Good night, Jess."

As he placed the cradle back in the receiver, he allowed himself a small smile. He looked around his room. The renovations were coming along, but all the same, he ought to put his back into it. By his count, he had about five weeks until Jessica came home. He wanted everything to be perfect for her, as perfect as he could make it. He wanted to show what he was capable of.

Boulder, CO

"Hello?"

"Greetings from Boulder, Colorado!" said Jess gaily.

"Jess?" asked Seth tentatively.

"For heaven's sake, Seth. I'm not drunk! That was merely a one-off."

"Mmph," grunted Seth noncommittally.

"I'm too happy to argue unnecessarily tonight."

"One day I do want to talk about our congressman. One day I'm going to talk TO our congressman."

"Oh, Seth. Let's leave that disagreeable incident in the past where it belongs. I have exciting news!"

"What?"

"I'm out west, which means I'll be home soon!"

"That is exciting news. By my count you've got three more stops on your tour. What is that…about three and a half weeks, give or take?"

"Something like that, Seth. Aren't you pleased?"

"A-yuh, Jessica. As the proverbial punch. It'll be good to see your smiling face."

"I'm looking forward to seeing your face, too. You haven't caught me up on all the doings in the Cove lately. What's going on?"

"It's as quiet as an AA meeting in the town square, Jess," and he smiled to hear her laugh. "Trust me. You aren't missing a thing."

"I find that hard to believe. I know Cabot Cove is not exactly Peyton Place," and she smiled as Seth barked a laugh, "but there's usually something going on. Nothing? Not one little thing?"

"Sounds to me like you're fishing for something, Jess."

"Information, and you're as stingy with it as Caleb is with his secret fishing spots."

"Let's just say a wise man keeps his own counsel…enough to tempt a lovely lady back home, anyway."

"I'm coming home whether you tempt me or not, Seth. But these days I find myself tempted."

"I won't ask you what you mean by that. Not tonight, anyway." Jessica laughed again. "How is the book tour going?"

"Fine. I attended a dinner and a silent auction last night."

"Oh?" asked Seth.

"Yes."

"Something Susan arranged?"

"Yes, she'd heard about it months ago and had me added to the list of guest speakers."

"Did you take a date?"

"Not a date, Seth," she said gently. "Merely an escort."

"Hmph," Seth grunted. "I suppose it'll be in the paper."

"Maybe," said Jessica idly. "It's just work, you know. Nothing serious."

"I know." At least I think I do. "Fancy dress, I suppose?"

"Yes." Jessica laughed. "Sometimes I think that's the only reason Susan schedules those things. To prove to journalists that I'm no longer tweedy Mrs. Fletcher from Cabot Cove. She's always urging me to be more glamorous."

"I like Mrs. Fletcher from Cabot Cove. What's wrong with tweed anyway?"

"Oh, Seth," groaned Jessica.

"What? All I meant was I like you just the way you are."

"And now that includes…more flattering clothes."

"I always like what you wear," added Seth lamely.

"Thank you," said Jessica.

"Who was your escort?" Tread carefully. "To the dinner?"

"Just a local businessman. He's on the library board, among other things. He's an avid golfer."

Golf, thought Seth acidly. "Mmmh," managed Seth.

"A terrible bore," added Jessica. "But the food was good, so the evening wasn't a total waste. You can never be sure of the food."

Seth brightened. "That's good." He paused. "Everyone rushes to tell me when they've seen your picture in the paper at one of those things."

"Do they?"

"A-yuh. Not everyone, I suppose."

"Just the worst busybodies?"

"You said it. Not me."

Jessica laughed. "Well, let them. You and I know."

What do we know, Jess? Instead, Seth merely grunted in response. "You know—never mind."

"What?"

"Nothing, woman."

"Seth."

He let out a noisy breath. "Alright. It just burns me up sometimes. "

"What does?" asked Jessica, curious and a little alarmed by his tone.

"Those women. No offense," he added hastily. "I know men are equally as capable of gossip, but it's the malicious pleasure some of these old biddies get from spreading rumor and innuendo."

"I don't disagree, Seth, but I don't think the ladies over at Loretta's are malicious."

"I wasn't thinking of them. I was actually thinking of your old neighbor, Mrs. Allgood." He laughed bitterly. "If there was ever a bigger mismatch between a person and a name, I've not seen it."

"She wasn't a very happy woman," said Jessica quietly.

"No indeed. And she spread her unhappiness around like manure in a vegetable garden! She was also a terrible gossip." Jessica was silent. "I'm sure she was the one who filled in all the blanks for you when I came back to Cabot Cove."

"She did mention a few things, but Seth, I stopped her before she got too carried away. I am sorry I asked after your childhood. I was…indisposed," she said delicately.

Seth smiled in spite of his anger. "I'm not angry with you, woman," he said gently. "You can ask me anything. Talk of busybodies just put me in mind of her, of that time in my life." They were quiet for a moment. "My mother could've used help!" he said abruptly. "Instead she was condemned, ostracized. She was a beautiful person, Jessica," he said softly. "And my father was a drunk, a mean one. She didn't deserve that. Not that anybody does."

"Oh, Seth. I'm sorry."

"Don't be, Jess. It was a long time ago. I'm not that helpless little boy anymore. I seldom think about those days, Jess, and I talk about them even less, but lately I've been thinking of my mother and how she believed in me, encouraged me. I wouldn't be where I am today if not for her. And I'm glad to be where I am now," he said quietly. "So you'll be home soon?"

Jessica knew what it had cost Seth to tell her even that much. The little she'd listened to about Seth's childhood was terrible. She wouldn't press for more. At least not tonight. "Yes, and I can hardly wait. It seems so long this time."

"A-yuh. I know you must be tired."

"I am. I'm ready to get off the road."

"I hope it was worth it. For the book sales, I mean."

"Susan told me the book is doing well, but I haven't heard the latest numbers." She yawned. "Oh, Seth. You jinxed me with all that talk of being tired. I'm sorry."

"Don't be, woman. You've been working hard. I'll say good night so you can get some rest."

"Alright," she said quietly. "I'll call you from San Francisco."

"Is that the next stop?"

"Yes. Only two more stops after that." She drew a breath, then let it out slowly. "Good night, Seth."

"Night, woman."

She hung up the phone, wishing Seth hadn't ended the call so abruptly. Maybe she would tell him during their next call.

San Francisco, CA

"Hello?"

"Hello, Seth."

"Everything alright, Jess? You sound…pensive."

She sighed. "I've been thinking about our conversation the other night. About those not exactly dates, about that dreadful dinner date I had in Washington in particular."

Seth was immediately alert. "A-yuh?"

"He was very nearly a perfect gentleman at the restaurant, except for getting me drunk," said Jessica acidly. "I can't recall exactly what happened when we got back to my room, but I do remember wanting to talk to you. Wanting the congressman to know I'd planned to talk to you. I knew if I could get you, I'd be safe."

His heart lurched painfully. "That's true, Jess. I'd have given him a tongue-lashing he wouldn't soon forget, and I'd've followed up with a personal visit the very next day." Jessica laughed, but to Seth's practiced ear it sounded hollow. "What's the matter, Jess?"

"Are men these days only interested in sex?" she blurted.

Seth swallowed hard. The urge to refute her assertion was strong, yet he didn't want to appear to be defending his presumably handsy congressman. "In general, I don't care for generalizations." He chuckled awkwardly. "If you're asking whether I think men are more interested in sex than women, I'd say that depends on the two people involved. I'd also say," he added hastily before Jessica could counter him, "that the times we live in now certainly seem to be…sexier," he finished lamely.

"Sexier?" asked Jessica, confused.

"I mean, it's been a gradual shift, but the world you and I grew up in is gone. Vanished in the face of movies and television and music all devoted to one thing: the pursuit of sex. When's the last time you went to a movie, Jess? Or turned on daytime television? Don't get me started on what passes for entertainment at night. We've made sex into a commodity because we've learned it sells. Everything from orange juice to gasoline, sex sells. I don't think a body can help but be warped in an environment like that."

"But our generation? As you pointed out, we didn't grow up like that."

"No, we didn't. But we sure have adapted. I'll use myself as an example. I'm not proud of how I behaved in Portland. I took what was offered and didn't care about the cost, to myself or my…partner." He grunted. "A word that's become just as meaningless as relationship! When you separate the spiritual from the physical, it cheapens the whole act." He sighed. "I'm ashamed of who I was in those days, Jess, and I don't like to dwell on it." He paused. "Were you ever…I mean, didn't boys try…"

He was grateful when Jessica rescued him. "No, not when I was a girl. It just wasn't done. There were rules, and everyone around me complied. My father and brothers were the muscle…is that what you'd call it?" She and Seth laughed together. "Then I met Frank and we married very soon after. When he died, I naturally assumed that part of my life had died with him. But…" Seth froze. "I grew to enjoy living JB Fletcher's life. The life Susan had mapped out for me. She always hunted up these attractive, interesting dates, and some of those men were intriguing." Seth hadn't drawn a breath since she began talking. "And yet…"

"Yet?" prompted Seth. You're a damned fool, Hazlitt!

"For me, something was missing. That was lovely, what you said about separating the spiritual from the physical, lovely and true. If we're being…forthright, there were one or two men I was attracted to, but I couldn't imagine climbing into bed with them. But I could tell they wanted to. That they would have been perfectly fine with a casual encounter…would prefer it, in fact. In a way, they seemed almost to expect it!"

Seth felt his blood pressure rising, and he worked to keep his voice steady. "You never had any…problems, did you?"

"No, not until this last. And I'm not sure he was a problem, but it's troubling that he got me drunk and wouldn't leave. I'm just glad he finally left. And very glad I was able to get hold of you. "

"I am, too, Jess. That's not how it should be. Not ever."

Jessica smiled. "I've been a fortunate woman. I still feel like Frank is watching over me, protecting me. And I know I can count on you."

"Always, Jess. You can always count on me."

"What about you, Seth?"

"What about me?"

"Are you interested in sex?" Seth inhaled sharply and immediately started coughing.

"I'm sorry, Seth. I shouldn't have said anything."

Seth tried to speak, but his coughing jag wasn't over. He struggled, trying to get something intelligible out. "Jessica," he wheezed.

"Yes?"

Seth managed to take a few sputtering breaths. "I'm a reasonably healthy male of a certain age," he managed to croak. "I may be older, but I'm not dead."

Jessica laughed. "You're not put out with me?"

Seth groaned inwardly. "No, Jessica. Just surprised. What made you ask?"

"Curiosity," Jessica answered pertly. " One thing I like about this era we're living in…I feel like I can say what I want now." They were silent for a few moments. "Seth?"

"Yes, Jessica?"

"I'm interested, too," she said quietly. "Good night," and he heard the phone click before he could respond. Hoo boy.

Los Angeles, CA

"Hello?"

"Hello, Seth. I hope you're not…well, I hope you're happy to hear from me."

"You know I am, but Jessica…" he exhaled loudly. "What are we doing?"

Jessica didn't pretend to misunderstand. "I told you weeks ago that I've been thinking."

"A-yuh," said Seth. "I remember. I remember you only told me one of the things you'd been thinking about."

"Really?"

"I listen very carefully to you, woman," said Seth softly.

"I remember telling you about all the couples I've seen. It's uncanny! Have you ever read about something or come across a new word and suddenly you see it everywhere? That's how it's been with me and couples. I started thinking…remembering…what it was like to be with Frank, and wondering what it might be like to be…with someone else. I've also been thinking about what you said, Seth."

"What I said?" asked Seth, surprised.

"Yes…you asked me what I wanted. You asked me if I was happy with the life I've been leading lately. And I've been thinking…am I content?" Seth was too afraid to break the silence. He wanted to hear what she had to say. "As hard as I've worked to become JB Fletcher, I find I'm still running. Running from grief, from fear, from moving on. Yet I've become independent, and I like that independent, feisty woman. I like her, Seth, and I don't want to lose her."

"A-yuh," he said quietly. "I can understand that, Jess." And he could. He knew well enough the kind of marriage Jess and Frank had had. It was much the same as his and Ruth's. The husbands were the de facto decision makers and their wives, firecrackers or not, generally went along. He wondered if he were still that man. Would he expect Jessica to follow his lead today?

"Still. I think you were right. I haven't been listening to myself. Not my whole self, if that makes sense." She sighed. "I told Susan I didn't want to do any more of those companion events."

Seth was startled by the abrupt change in topic. "What are those?"

"The special events she usually sends me on. The ones with dates."

"What are you saying, Jess?"

"I'm saying that things are changing, Seth. I think they are. Do you agree?"

"I'm afraid to say," he admitted. "Afraid to say they are."

"Then I'll say it for you. Things are changing between us, and I want to acknowledge that. To you and to others." She was quiet for a long moment. "I've had these…dreams, Seth. Lately I've been dreaming about us. Not every night, but most nights. When I wake, I feel… lonely. Lonely for you." Seth stifled a gasp. "If what's between us, if what we've discovered between us…if it goes further, deeper, well… I can't just let myself…fall into you as much as you might want me to. As much as I might want to myself! Does that make sense?"

"A-yuh," he struggled to get the words out without clearing his throat. He didn't want to give the wrong impression. "I happen to like that feisty, independent woman, but I know what you're trying to say, Jess. You're not wrong. I know I can be—"

"Dictatorial?" teased Jessica.

"I was going to say demanding," said Seth mildly, "but your adjective might be closer to the mark." They laughed together. "I know it will be different," he mused.

"In what way," asked Jess curiously?

"I'm different, for one. I'm not the man I was. And the times are different, too, and not all in a bad way." Jessica laughed. "And you're different, too. We're older, more experienced."

"That's a nice way of putting it!" said Jessica tartly.

"It's true," protested Seth. "We're not young lovers, and I'm glad of it, Jess. I want you, the whole you…I mean, I want to know the whole you. Am I talking sense? This has got me all mixed up. In a good way," he hastened to add.

"Yes, I think I see what you're getting at."

"I want to be part of your life, Jess, in a deeper way than simple friendship, although nothing about being with you is simple."

"I know there must be a compliment in there somewhere," teased Jessica.

Seth barked a laugh. "See? Being older has its benefits. We're less quick to take offense."

Jessica laughed. "So we're willing to see where this leads?"

"I am, Jess. I am 100 percent willing."

"So am I. I think this last stop on the tour is going to drag."

"Is it wrong that I'm flattered?"

Jessica chuckled. "Only if it's wrong that I'm flattered that you're flattered. Oh, Seth. I miss you. I'm longing for you."

"You don't know how long I've wanted this, Jess."

"Seth?"

"Yes?" He wanted to call her dear or darling, but he was afraid of spooking her.

"I'm sure I'll be dreaming of you tonight. Of us," she said softly. "That's what I was trying to tell you the other night. I didn't intend to be crude."

"Of course not, Jess! I meant what I said…you can tell me anything. I—"

"Yes?"

"I want to save some things for when I see you in person, Jessica."

Jessica smiled. "Then let's say good night now."

"That's probably for the best. Good night, Jess. Sweet dreams." He could hear Jessica's laughter as she hung up the phone. He knew he probably wouldn't sleep a wink tonight.

Portland, OR

"I'll be home in two days, Seth. Will you pick me up at the airport?"

"A-yuh Jess. I hope you know you don't even have to ask. Just tell me where and when, and I'll be there."

"I'll be on flight 507, and I'm supposed to land in Portland at 1:50. I'm a little nervous," she admitted.

"Me, too, Jess. What if you've remembered me as Cary Grant, and I'm really Edward G. Robinson?"

She laughed. "What if you remember me as…as.. Elizabeth Taylor, but I'm really…hmmm, let me think."

"Maureen O'Hara!"

"Oh, Seth, really."

Her infectious laughter delighted him. "I love to make you laugh, woman. You have the nicest laugh," he said tenderly.

"I feel like I can't wait to see you, but I'm afraid for you to see me. Silly, isn't it?"

"Well, we've admitted some pretty big, private things over these last few months, Jess. It is easier to talk over the phone than face to face. For me anyway. I feel braver."

"It's the same for me. I only hope we can stay this brave when we see each other in two days."

"I think we can, Jess. I'm going to do all I can to-—"

"No, don't say it, Seth. You don't have to do anything special or different. I like you just the way you are."

Then she is in for a surprise. "It's the same for me, Jess. I think you're perfect just as you are."

"You say that now," she laughed.

"I'll say it forever," said Seth softly.

"You're an old softie, Seth Hazlitt. I wouldn't have you any other way. I'll see you in two days."

"Two days, woman. I can hardly wait."

"Good night, Seth."

"Night, woman."

A/N: The final chapter will post on Sunday!