the eyes and the teeth

A/N: This was supposed to be completed before Season 2 drops, but work has started to bury me alive and I'm just barely breathing. One last chapter brewing soon!

As always, feedback is appreciated. Thanks for reading!

"In jujutsu fights, it's always a matter of who's the bigger monster."

A curse is exorcized and a domain is made. Between that, a funeral is held and a promise is broken.

You return to Tokyo quietly, and the rain that greets your arrival is almost reminiscent of the day you heard the news–

Stop.

The first thing you do, after reporting to your grandmother and learning to accept her praise, after delivering Satoru's requested gifts and welcoming his eccentric methods of showing his appreciation, after watering what's left of Tatsuya's plants, is sleep. The first thing you do is sleep. You lies directly on the thick duvet, not minding the dust that is visible in the light, and sleep. Or at least try to.

You lie on your stomach and look toward the window, and the second thing you do is think.

The mystery of whoever wanted to manifest the vengeance of Ibaraki Doji in Tokyo will go unsolved, but not for long. Maybe. Probably. But it's none of your concern right now. You're not Tokyo's protector, you don't owe Tokyo anything because it's Tokyo that took Tatsuya away from you. It's Tokyo that took you away from the safety of Date, from the mighty invisible sphere of protection enacted and maintained by your own family.

You imagine, briefly, what could have happened if you chose to stay.

Stop!

The Jorogumo is still out there, growing its nest in Yokohama, and you can no longer delay its destruction. It's your responsibility now, and maybe your grandmother was right that your stubbornness is the primary thing that's preventing you from becoming the heir to the once-coveted omyodo technique… Your stubbornness or your naïve love, that's what your grandmother would tell you.

"Nothing good ever came from a god falling in love with a human."

But you aren't gods, you're just… onmyoji. You're only just human, albeit existing in both the mundane and the supernatural world. The yokai are probably closer to godhood than you. If you were a god, surely…

Wait.

W ait– You've heard of this story before, albeit not exactly, but there are cases like it. Cases where yokai would attempt to enter godhood by doing whatever it took, sacrificed whoever crossed their paths… Then again, it didn't make sense for a Jorogumo to prey on people who were engaged in a– Unless Tatsuya wasn't–

No. Stop.

Thinking about it like that isn't going to help. It never did. You've witnessed more than enough yokai who've gone off-script, who've surprised you and caused you to make careless decisions on the fly, like when you attempted to summon Amida Butsu out of the blue just because you wanted to see if it was possible . So a Jorogumo living freely in a city isn't so strange or unique. In fact, one might even say it's an expected outcome. Yokai have to evolve too, after all.

You sit right back up, and the third thing you do is think. Again. Where could the Jorogumo be in a city like Yokohama? What could it look like? Who is it preying on? What does it like? Is it involved with other yokai too? There's too many things to consider going about this yourself, but you're prepared, aren't you? You've narrowed down the Jorogumo's potential nest to three potential places in the city, but you need to lure it out. You need bait .

And you know exactly what it's going to be.

But now, now that you're in this situation, you're starting to regret taking this on your own. Here you are, standing in front of Tatsuya's grave, pouring ink directly from the bottle. If your grandmother were here, she would tell you this a wasteful practice, but you're desperate. Each day the Jorogumo roams free is one more day someone else might fall victim–

"Don't make excuses."

–then it's one more day that Tatsuya's killer roams free–

"What else?"

–it's one more day added to your guilt–

"What else, granddaughter?"

–it's one more day you've failed.

"So what do you intend to do?"

It's your grandmother's chiding tone that resounds in your head, but it's Satoru's half-hidden yet knowing face that comes into view.

"The best learn from the best after all."

You scoff at the compliment, the flattery, of course you aren't the best . It's your cousin who's managed to find the favor of a god sooner than anyone else in your age group. It's your cousin who's considered an onmyodo prodigy just because… But you don't think about that now. The final drop of ink falls into the small puddle you've created, and if anyone else were here, they'd say you were littering, desecrating someone's grave, disturbing the dead.

You mutter, frowning, "Forgive me, Tatsuya."

You place a figure of Jizo in the middle of the puddle and apologize. You ought to have brought something bigger, probably a higher deity, but this should suffice. This should be enough. Your experience in Kyoto told you so. So you do what you've done and hope this is enough.

"May those who preside over warriors be my vanguard."

You start entering the Samadhi state the same way you did before, but your eyes remains closed because you hesitate. You don't know what you're going to see when you look at Tatsuya's grave, when you look inside it. You aren't ready for it. You don't think you'll ever be ready for it, but you have to.

"You have to."

Tatsuya–

But you don't open your eyes.

"Please."

You refuse to open your eyes.

Have you always been there?

But you forget, maybe deliberately, that you are both open an exposed in the Samadhi state. So your thoughts aren't just yours anymore, they're a free-for-all, and whoever and whatever spirit is here can hear it.

"Sometimes I'm at our place, when you're not around."

You refuse to open your eyes, but that jovial tone is too… nice-sounding not to make you smile and tear up. It sounds too familiar for you to ignore it completely, and you shouldn't ignore it, because the source of this voice is going to lead you to–

I'm sorry.

"Please stop apologizing."

It's the soft touch that freezes you. It's the softness that makes you tremble and shake and feel so fragile . More than the coldness. More than the chill. More than the way this is how Tatsuya would touch you… But it's not as cold as you thought. Maybe it's because you've grown colder too. Maybe you've grown used to the otherworldly and the supernatural that this feels normal .

"Please look at me."

Tatsuya was always polite, always so good and so agreeable, and even his ghost knows how to say please. This is the first time you've ever tried communing with the dead, even if this isn't your intention, even if his ghost just so happened to be here–

"Where else would I be? I sleep here."

Tatsuya's ghost has his sense of humor too.

"And everything that made you fall in love with me."

You forget, again, that your thoughts aren't your own on this plane. His ghost has humor too, but you still refuse to open your eyes and see it for yourself .

"Why?"

Because I'm afraid, Tatsuya.

"Of me?"

Of your ghost.

The answer is something hard to admit, and it's the primary reason why you didn't do this earlier.

"So you were scared, but now you're not?"

There's also the fear that his ghost might be… touched by something else.

"This isn't like you."

This isn't like you , Tatsuya.

You don't want to open your eyes, but you can feel it around you. The touch is soft and familiar. The touch is just like his. The feeling is just like his. You can hear it coiling around you, but you refuse you imagine it's his arms. Tatsuya would readily embrace you any time of the day, but this… ghost is nothing like him.

"You made me."

No, I–

"Open your eyes and look at me."

I won't–

"Please."

It's that singular word that makes you look without opening your eyes. You see him– No, you see it without even opening your eyes and feel… You feel guilty. You feel deceitful. You want to curl into yourself and disappear. But that won't do any good, won't make anything right, won't rectify whatever happened, won't forgive what you did, what you made . Your elders had taught you to take advantage of every opportunity and every situation that presented itself, but this?

This is cruel.

You turn to his ghost without seeing, without thinking, and see the lines that would make up his shape. The form is familiar, but not real. Now you're thinking you shouldn't have done this at all. It's the middle of the day but for some reason it's dark enough that the only shape you see is this.

I wanted you to haunt me, to tell me you're still here.

The confession arrives like it's being pulled out of the depths. It's not that you didn't want to admit it, but admitting it feels… selfish.

"You've never been selfish, even if I wanted you to."

This ghost is cheeky and seductive, you think.

"You've always given so much of yourself that you forget it's fine to want nice things."

You've done nothing but want nice things, for yourself and–

"You're my nice thing."

Tatsuya…

But you can't help it, you're only human, you're wasting what little time you have in the Samadhi state sulking about this ghost. So you open your eyes and look, see . Tatsuya is just as beautiful as the day you met him, even as a ghost. But you don't hold back tears or a sob or a cry, you… look at it. You see it for what it is. This is not Tatsuya so there is no reason for you to feel for it. This is not Tatsuya. This is Tatsuya's unassuming ghost .

"What are you looking at?"

What did this to you?

The ghost laughs. "You already know, don't you?"

Do you know where it happened?

The ghost frowns. "What are you going to do?"

I'm going to bring you back.

It's a lie and you try to forget that you know it.

The ghost smiles, hopeful. "Really?"

It's almost enough to break your heart.

I'm going to give you… peace.

At this point, the ghost's shape starts to take form. You have to end this soon.

"What if I want to stay here with you a little longer?"

You shake your head.

I'll come back after I finish what I need to do.

You take another bottle of ink and pour it over the small Jizo figurine.

"Are you going to pray for me?"

You nod, and begin the incantation to complete your entry to the Samadhi state. And because this is Tatsuya's ghost, this secret you've been keeping from him holds no value now. Tatsuya's ghost knows everything, and it watches you murmur the secret mantra again and again. Your body is a compass now, the ink is the arrow, the thread, and Tatsuya's ghost is the magnetic pull that will guide you to where the Jorogumo is.

You have five seconds.

"Are you–"

Four.

"–really–"

Three.

"–going to–"

Two.

"–come back?"

One.

The ink-thread flashes a bright and blinding red, like the cursed string of fate, which means that…

Oh no–

…you've found it.

But luckily, by the skin of your teeth, you spot the Jorogumo faster than it could spot you, and it's only a matter of time until the Jorogumo acknowledges you, but time and luck pull you out of the Samadhi state. Instantly, everything fades, all the lines disappear, and Tatsuya's ghost is gone.

Six seconds.

You remained in that state for six seconds, which… Any second less and you wouldn't have found it. Any second more and it would have found you . And this is by pure luck, you think, or maybe… Maybe this is Tatsuya's–

No. Stop. Don't think about it anymore.

Now that you've found the Jorogumo, it's time to finally act. You're prepared for this. You venerated gods and purified sites, you did all the required rites and offered the preferred gifts… You've done everything expected of you as an onmyoji and as a representative of your family. Even Izanami herself had acknowledged you, and if you can't find the favor of Amida Butsu, then perhaps you ought to seek to please a different deity. Maybe you ought to curry the favor of the Thousand-Armed Kannon. Be more than just a purifier, an exorcist, become a kind of destroyer .

You say your prayers to Tatsuya's grave, but don't imagine his ghost saying something back like–

"I love you."

–or

"Stay with me."

–or even

"Goodbye."

Because that wouldn't be Tatsuya, that would still be his ghost .

And later, when you start preparing your arsenal or paper and prayer, when you start drawing the sigils and the texts, you think to yourself what the best course of action should be. End it fast and quick, or draw it out? Make it suffer. Make it… beg. But that isn't your style. That isn't your family's style. You believe in mercy and all the blessings it brings, but you don't think it will be enough. It won't feel… right.

I'm sorry, Tatsuya.

You look briefly at the space where Tatsuya would sit, but you can't imagine what he'd say to you because he doesn't know a thing about this world. You look briefly at the space where Tatsuya would be if… No, you don't think of Tatsuya. You think of the Jorogumo, that monstrous spider, that illusory demon, and think of how it will end by your hands. The Jorogumo will struggle. Its death won't have to be violent or bloody, or even beautiful. But it will be right. It will be.

You draw sigils on your skin and imagine becoming an avatar for the mighty and unforgiving Kannon.

Of course, you go after the Jorogumo the next day. Your entire body is lined in ink and ancient scripts, sigils, and symbols. The Nine Cuts Mudra is back on the flesh of your stomach, complete and clean and brand-new. Names of the deities of lightning and thunder are on your arms. Names of the spirits of fire and water are on your legs. On your chest is a pitch-black circle with nothing in it. Everything on your body is just ink. Everything in your body is rage and revenge, longing, desire.

Jorogumo are difficult to deal with, and this one could especially be powerful to have hidden itself for so long. If it were any average yokai, you think a jujutsu sorcerer would have dealt with it by now. But the Jorogumo has made a home in the city, not just a place near it, but inside of it, in the heart of it. This Jorogumo must be an established one. This Jorogumo must have other yokai serving under it, and as you make your way to the Jorogumo's nest, you think it's plotting to throw something at you.

But as you come closer to the nest, you don't feel anything ominous or strange. You don't feel anything dark or dismal. The Jorogumo's nest is in the city center, near shops and other establishments, and likely in one of the high-rise condominiums in the area. It's so fortunate, you think, that something so foul could live comfortably among humans.

But then you feel it, that faint, faint hint of cursed energy. It's almost too obvious, the Jorogumo must be baiting you. It must know you're here. It must know what you're planning to do.

So why isn't it doing anything ?

You search the area knowing that the Jorogumo wouldn't dare attack in broad daylight and with all these people around. Jorogumo are protective of their territory, and they wouldn't so readily risk losing their nest in a fight. If anything, the Jorogumo would have retreated to its nest, ready to defend it by any means possible. The Jorogumo isn't looking for you, it's waiting for you to find it.

This is some strange, strange game of hide-and-seek.

You never really liked that game, even as a child. So when you find what you think is the nest, a seemingly abandoned mid-rise building wedged between two high-rises, you don't know what else to expect. Suddenly, you think this is going to be easy. Simple. You come in and purge it in its nest, kill it where it lies. Suddenly, this doesn't seem so complicated now. Suddenly, you think this will end just as fast as all the others. Suddenly, you're starting to feel… anxious. Fidgety. Why is this so easy now?

And then… And then you feel it cutting the air around you.

Domain Expansion: Autumnal Mansion.

Maybe you should do something, maybe you should begin a domain crush before it completely manifests itself, but… But this is the only way to fight it. So you let it happen. You let the enclosure fall around you as you close your eyes. You think this is how the Jorogumo ensnares its prey. Like a funnel web spider, it sets its trap for any unsuspecting victim to fall into. It's no longer a picky eater like its ancestors, maybe, it has evolved. It had to.

And its domain is proof. Its domain is probably the pinnacle of a tsuchigumo's evolution. Like others you've fought before, more and more yokai have developed this ability to manifest their planes of existence. That's just how the supernatural world is now, only the strong survive and only the strongest get to live. Everyone wants a piece of something bigger. Everyone wants a taste of something better. Being in the Jorogumo's domain, you think about who's stronger.

Autumnal Mansion.

You think the name has come from an ukiyo painting, and the manifested domain itself is dream-like and hazy. This Jorogumo must be an especially strong one, probably among the oldest of its still-living brethren. It is a forest in perpetual autumn, accompanied with a layer of fog you don't think will ever leave. It reminds you of the forests back home, but you reject any feeling of homesickness.

The Jorogumo is nowhere in sight, so you start looking for it. You walk and search, but the forest seems to go on forever. You think it's particularly impressive to manifest a domain of this scale and detail, and all the more impressive that it's unlike any domain you've ever seen. It's nothing dismal or haunted, it's almost beautiful. No – you think, looking up at the hazy morning sky– it is.

You spot in the distance, a large building reminiscent of the historical sites in Hokkaido, and head towards it. It's likely the Jorogumo's abode, and it's almost too obvious when– When you reach it, you realize it's a replica of Matsumae Castle. How kitsch , you think briefly, how… nostalgic. You remember how you'd come to Matsumae with your cousins and imagine yourselves as court ladies and samurai. Now, you think this is one reason why this Jorogumo has been able to hide all this time. Its domain is just wonderful .

You hear the crunch of leaves behind you and turn around, but what you see is not grotesquely attractive Jorogumo or its monstrous true form… It's…

"Tatsuya."

You choke and cry.